Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Dreams: Being a Bird

More dreams.

Being a Bird

I was a tiny, gray bird. My instructor was with me, but I couldn’t see him. I asked questions. “Why am I gray? When will I know what color I will be?” He explained, “Your color will show itself as you grow and mature.” I then watched, as if an observer, a little gray bird. I saw one feather at a time begin to change color. They turned black. I was disappointed. I wanted to be blue, not black, but I accepted the color black. I asked, “But how do I survive? How do I keep from being caught? Caged?” I was told, “You have to listen. Hide when you need to hide. Fly when you can.” I saw the tiny bird flying and then hiding in the trees. It was not caught or caged.

I then saw a small, brown monkey. It ran in front of me and jumped into a nearby tree. “Why can’t I be a monkey? I like how he can climb and play in the trees. I can’t do that.” My teacher said to me, “Observe him and you will have your answer.” I saw that that the little monkey was foolish and did not think before he acted. Though he was free to play and climb, he sometimes fell and when he fell he would hurt himself. He did not have wings. He could not fly. I could fly.

A Conversation with My Ex

I was in a bar. The lights were low and I could see young people milling about. I heard no music but there was plenty to drink.

People kept staring at me. I don’t know why. I somehow knew this was a place where people hooked up for one-night-stands. A man tried to hook up with me and I was in agreement but when it came to the sexual act he told me, “Do it yourself.” I looked at him like he was nuts. He walked away and left me alone. I didn’t know what to do. Then I realized I had no interest in myself. 

I noticed a man from across the room. He was sitting with a young, dark haired woman and a couple of other guys. I knew they were affiliated with the military. As I got closer, the dark haired woman sent me her entire history, of how she made the mistake of being sexually promiscuous and was struggling with the repercussions of it. I sent back a reply in thought, “You only made choices, not mistakes.”

I finally was able to talk with the man who had drawn me across the room. It was my ex-husband. He looked older and very tired. I could see deep worry lines on his face. He had also gained weight.

I sat down and we had a long conversation about his life and current emotional state. He kept bringing up his two tours in Iraq and how tired he was. His back hurt, his digestion was messed up, he was always tired. He blamed it all on Iraq. He mentioned flying and how he was even losing his perfect eye sight. Flying is his passion, so to not be able to fly really upset him. I asked if he could wear glasses and he said it was not allowed in the military. I remember thinking it was a good thing, then, because then he wouldn’t be asked to go back to Iraq.

I listened and he talked. I felt very bad for him. I remember that when we together he often complained about life in the same way. His body was always giving him trouble. He was often tired and worn out. I remember holding his hand. That was my role when we were together, too – to hold his hand, listen and be his friend. He hated being alone yet he was now learning that one can be alone even when surrounded by family and friends. He was finally realizing that life is more than achieving physical life goals, acquiring material possessions, and having a woman/wife. All this had not fixed his discomfort. He didn’t know what to do. I didn’t offer advice, though. That was/is not my role. He wouldn’t listen to me anyway. lol

Adjustments

I was laying on a table and someone was affixing two large, metal braces to my body. I remember one being put along the entire length of my side. It was metal and screwed into me. I felt no pain. I knew that I had to be stabilized in this area.

 

 

 

 

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Temple Grandin

If you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It is free on Amazon Prime if you have a subscription.

When I was working as a school counselor, I primarily worked with autistic children. This was not my first encounter with children on the spectrum – I once taught a student with Asperger’s Syndrome – but it was my first ever experience with small groups of them. The occupational therapist (OT) who worked alongside me knew a ton about Autism and often mentioned Temple Grandin. I had watched some of Temple’s lectures at the OT’s request, but never watched the movie about her life. Now I wish I had. This movie is superb.

In September, 2014, I wrote a post about Autism and ascension. I have not thought much about it until now. Why? Well, while watching the movie about Temple Grandin I burst into tears more than once. This movie is not the typical tear-jerker, so why did it make me cry so much?

My thoughts when I would cry were linked to being misunderstood, overly sensitive, and an empath. All of these things were present in the movie, though the empath part was not prevalent in Temple Grandin’s story except when she worked with animals. I also cried because I knew that Temple and others like her were very, very special. Not just special in that they are considered Special Needs by the education system, but because their brains and the way they process information is special. Finally, I sympathized with Temple’s inability to understand humans and their complicated social system. She didn’t understand why girls cared only about boys or why people thought she was mad all the time and never happy. Facial cues were a complete mystery to her. Now, I don’t have the social ineptitude that she does, but I have long been made frustrated by human social interaction – the untruths, outright lies, peer-pressure, sex/gender stereotypes, roles, etc.

Considering all of this, I can’t help but conclude, once again, that autism is intricately linked to the new Hueman. I don’t believe we will all eventually be autistic. No. It is more that autism and the various levels that exist therein are preparing humanity, forcing us to change the way we view learning, so that we can better accommodate the starchildren.

 

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Geomagnetics

I have been drawn to this website for some reason. I don’t normally watch videos that are as long as the one above, but I did. I feel thirsty for this type of knowledge. Sharing in case you are also interested.

HiPsiFi: The brain is affected by geomagnetic fields. Fluctuating geomagnetic effects can lead to increased liminality and anomalous experiences by perturbing the human mindbody. Liminality is a dissociative weakening of the threshold between our rational and irrational minds and is relevant to paranormal experience, both “life-potentiating” and “life depotentiating.”

Field effects include “creative” and “toxic” hallucinations and temporal lobe microseizures [Krippner and Persinger]. Liminality is mediated by the temporal lobes and modulated by fields. These experiences may changes one’s beliefs or worldview. Weird, strange, ambiguous or supernatural events are assigned a high reality value. This is not to say all strange events are reduced to field effects. Some things remain mysteries.

Transliminality is a consciousness variable. Regardless of their initiating source, transliminal excursions are like brief trips to the Land of Oz. Transliminality is related to ungated temporal lobe functioning which conditions mystical, religious and “high weirdness” events. Those with higher transliminality, an index of neurological interconnectedness, will experience more perceptual anomalies. (Thalbourne, 2002)

Tiny magnetic field fluctuations can have dramatic effects. Some fluctuations are sudden and unexpected. If the GMF should destabilize, scientists tell us magnetic fields of flux both entering and flowing from the Earth would become much more randomized. That is not to say it will happen in our lifetimes, but that it can happen and surely will at some point in the future.

As Earth’s local and global fields continue to weaken, can we expect more reports of strange psychophysical phenomena emerging at an increasing rate? Known effects of geomagnetic pulsation include synesthesia, anomalous cognition and [lucid] dreams, psi events, and paranormal phenomena as well as heart attack, depression and suicidal tendencies.

From Is Earth Driving us Crazy? Flipping Out Over Geomagnetism, by Iona Miller.

Link to full article (go to very bottom of the page).

Gamma Ray Burst  detected approximately 1 hour ago.

grb

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Another Big One Coming

Just a quick post because my Team is driving me crazy about this upcoming Shift. I am already feeling it. It hit me at lunch time. Third-eye wide open and blazing, fatigue slamming me like a ton of bricks, eyes went dry, etc. Then they were pushing me to do a video. Fine, okay already. But really I didn’t have much to add. It is just going to be bigger than the last one and more crap is going to surface to be inspected. Probably more sleep interruptions.

My Team was talking about Gamma radiation and pulses hitting the Earth. I didn’t go into any of that in the video. I am flat out exhausted and they want me to get all scientific? The least they could do is send in a clear channel via my crown so I can take a break. Maybe next time. 🙂

By the way, I read Lisa Transcendence Brown just now. Guess what she said is going on? We are being hit by Gamma which helps us clear timelines. We do this mostly when we are asleep and being woken up when there is something that needs our attention. Thus, the sleep disturbances. Gamma helps us – yep – Get’r done. She spelled it ” git’r’done”, even more hillbilly than the way I spelled it. Hahahaha!

I love how the universe works.

Guess it is time to prepare for sleep, er…work.

 

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Video Introduction

My video channel now has videos but only 2. This is the first one – just a quick intro. This was probably the fifth video I made. I had a great one and somehow deleted it. So I tried to make others and there was interference. I knew it was my phone’s wi-fi so it took me a few takes to figure out how to stop it. I ended up having to put it in airplane mode. Then the upload took forever (yes I took it out of airplane mode I’m not that dense lol). I have a cord to connect my phone to my computer but the computer doesn’t recognize my phone and I really didn’t want to spend time trying to sort all of that. So I just let it slowly upload via Wi-Fi.

All of that for a short 2 minute video. LOL Thinking I will use my camera next round, but then that is a whole other ordeal. Phones are so easy and so portable. lol

The second video is already on YouTube as well.

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Taking My Mask Off

Adzekiel had more messages for me. This new level I am to go to will be preparation work; preparation for the “new” me. He explained that I will be asked to take my “mask off”. With this I received an image of my face and me slowly taking off make-up with a cotton ball. I saw no obvious signs of make-up but the message was clear.

I am familiar with seeing “masks” in my dreams and OBEs. I have seen a white cream all over my own face as well as the face of others. It looks like clown make-up when I see it and makes my face look very “off” and fake. Thankfully in this current vision the white make-up was not present. 🙂

The understanding of what this means was slow to come. I asked, “What it is I will have to do?”  He said I will need to “speak and write my truth”. No more hiding in the shadows. No more pretending I am like everyone else when I’m not. With that a scenario played out in my mind of talking with a member of our church and telling them I was preparing to walk-out and let another aspect walk-in. The expression I imagined on their face was priceless. I did not feel I could do it, though.

It is terrifying to me.

He said, “You do not have to do it all at once. It should be gradual, but it must be done.”

He explained that my personality change will be very obvious to those closest to me. They will notice. I was not told what this “personality change” would look like but the feeling sent to me made me squirm a bit with nervousness.

I was also warned that my gifts will begin to manifest more strongly. I am not sure what this means, either. I have been told this before but nothing major has come of it as of yet.

During this conversation my crown and third-eye chakra were buzzing. I could not shake the feeling I had either. This feels very, very important. Necessary. Unavoidable.

I am not sure I will be able to pretend all of this (the braid-in/walk-in situation) is not real for much longer.

 

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OBE: Good Vibrations

Since I was told I would soon be experiencing another upgrade soon, I asked if I could astral project. I got the go-ahead and so requested again prior to sleep.

Lucid Dream: Uncomfortable Sexual Situation

I found myself inside a dorm room with several other young people. For some reason we were all in one bed together. A young woman with brown hair was entertaining two boys. She was very sexually promiscuous and proceeded to have sex with one boy while the other watched. I was in bed with them with my back turned trying to ignore it all and thinking, “Is she really? Are they really?” This brought me into semi-lucidity.

I finally had enough when I felt something wet on my leg. Disgusted I got out and retreated to the bathroom where I found a bed inside one of the stalls. I tried to lay down and rest there but felt I needed to return to the dorm room.

When I came back out I was inside a large common area and people were everywhere with bags and boxes in their hands. Moving. I saw a young woman who was getting cords and wires together to set up her laptop. She inquired if I was ready. When I saw her I got a very uncomfortable feeling and began to cry. I said, “No, I don’t want to!” With my upset I felt my lucidity increase and the scene shifted.

OBE: Good Vibrations

Then I was drifting in the in-between receiving information about the future plans of Earth. At the time it was like a huge screen was in front of me and it had all sorts of data and graphs on it. The main parts I recall are the maps of various places on Earth. They had horizontal lines of different colors over the top of them. Each line had words inside with a set goal. It was very political but I can’t remember anything that was written and it really bothers me because I know it is important!

Then I was looking at a demographic map of the U.S. The areas where the population was low were marked as areas that needed attention. The goal was to move people to these places. This I didn’t understand but I didn’t question. These desolate areas were important but I am not sure how. I specifically recall thinking these areas would include the states of North and South Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Idaho and parts of Utah. I did not consider any Midwestern states which surprises me.

Then I was hearing a discussion about travelers who were to visit these low population areas. I heard about a prophet who was very ancient and often traveled to these places to visit certain people.

Then I was observing a field. It reminded me of the fields in Montana – sage brush and grass everywhere. In front of me were three identical midgets. They had brown hair and short beards. I knew they were the Prophet I had just heard about. They had traveled a very long way to be here and I knew they were important so I was very curious about them.

They spoke to a man who was standing in the field. I never actually saw him, though, just felt he was there. When these little men spoke they spoke as if they were one person. One would start talking and the next would pick up in the middle of the sentence and then the third would pick up where the other left off. It continued like this. Not one of them ever finished a sentence without the others. I don’t remember what they said, though.

This is when I entered the scene with full lucidity. I was OOB before but not actually in any specific space. At this point it was like I was shifted into the scene.

The midgets vanished. The unseen man vanished. I was laying horizontally on a hard surface. I could see the sagebrush field in my peripheral vision. My attention was completely focused on the night sky above me. There were millions of stars and my vision was so completely clear that I was in awe while also a bit confused as to what was going on.

I felt the three men around me then but they were not men any longer. I could not see them but I felt them. One stood at my feet and one was on my left and the other on my right at around my stomach area.

I felt a pressure in my root chakra and then an intense vibration. It shot up through the root chakra along my spine and spread out. These vibrations were not like any I have ever experienced while OOB or receiving K energy. It literally felt like someone had put one of those vibrating massagers inside me or a very, very, very long dildo. lol

Startled, my first thought was that these Beings were trying to sexually stimulate me. I tensed up, anticipating that my body would respond. However, I felt absolutely no sexual response from my body at all. I also felt that I needed to not focus on my physical body and to just allow the vibrations to continue.

That is when I felt (was told?) to focus on “the light”. Prior to this I had not seen any light, yet there, high in the night sky, was a very large, almost moon-sized, perfectly white light. It was just off to the right and I focused on it as instructed. What is weird is that I perceived there was another light shining behind me and my conscious mind imagined it to be a street light. It also felt like the light behind me and the light in the sky were one and the same.

The vibrations continued for some time. I felt them from my root chakra through my 2nd chakra and there was a rod-shaped central area they seemed to emanate from. The vibrations spread all the way through my hips and lower abdomen and even down my thighs some. I knew that when the light in the sky disappeared that the vibrations would stop.

The light disappeared and the vibrations stopped.

Then it was over as suddenly as it started and I was on my hands and knees staring out across a sagebrush field. It was dark outside and the stars shown so brightly and were so absolutely clear that I was once again in awe. It reminded me of a night long ago when I slept under the stars in the mountains of Montana – so intensely beautiful.

I looked around and said aloud to my guides, “What do I do now?”

I woke up almost immediately afterward.  The Beings were still with me. I will write about what happened next in the next post.

 

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Upgrade Approaching

It’s been an odd day.

First, something felt off this morning and it lasted until about noon. I had a feeling in my gut that was not going away. Since I had the urge to look for a job, I searched online and it only made the feeling in my gut turn into an anxiety in my heart chakra. When I finally stopped the job search all off feelings vanished as if they were never there to begin with.

Later, during my youngest’s nap, I took some time alone outside and just stared up at the cloudless sky. I had been having trouble thinking all day and so I had no thoughts. My mind was just blank. That’s when one of my guides announced to me, “There will be an upgrade soon. We have been preparing you. It will be intense.” Funny enough, I didn’t bat an eye. I am so use to these kinds of announcements that I just wanted to know when. The answer was predictable: “Soon.” My feeling was that it was likely to hit me in the middle of the night. I said, “I can’t handle anymore crazy emotional up’s and down’s.” His response to that was, “You need to be clear.” Okay. So that likely means I need to have some tissue on hand. Or maybe it will be one of those intense crown chakra blasts this time? Who knows. I will just wait and see.

After that, I went to get the mail with my daughter. A neighbor was there getting hers as well and I instantly recognized her. She had lost her husband right before Christmas and talked to me in-depth one day about her struggle to make it through the holidays. I almost asked her how she was but hesitated because my daughter was there with me and I knew the woman’s deceased husband was right there and wanting to pass on a message. He followed me home telling me how he wanted to tell his wife he was with their cat and giving me the name “Grace”. I felt bad but at the same time I had no idea how I would have approached the subject with my neighbor.

As I prepared my bath just a while ago I asked about the coming upgrade. Was everyone going to experience this? I was told that the upgrades will not hit everyone at the same time nor in the same way. I was shown that I am cycling through them. Each one will clear something new, taking off more and more layers. It will cycle through pretty fast I am told, much faster than I have previously experienced (meaning weeks pass rather than months I guess?).

I must say that I’m not looking forward to this. Based upon my most recent emotional outpouring followed by awful intestinal flu, I am not sure I can take much more. Oh wait, that was the “preparation”…. Hmmm Well, at least they told me the upgrade is coming and it will be “intense”. I am trying to remember what happened the last time they used the word intense. I can’t remember. Not surprised being my brain is not working.

 

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Dream: Interventionist

Guess what? I actually woke up in a pretty descent mood! This was despite being woken at 5:30 (again) and then having my entire household up just fifteen minutes later when my husband decided to go for an early morning run in the cold (yeah he’s crazy and preparing for the Austin Marathon).

Why am I in a good mood? Progress is being made and I was allowed to glimpse a smidgen of it. This is not just my progress either.

Dream: Interventionist

I was at work feeling a bit unnatural in the environment. I am not sure what this environment was, but I recall a close friend of mine being there with me and she was panicking about some abrupt change to her life. I was attempting to console her but she was in a hurry to leave, as was I. We were both being called to a meeting.

I couldn’t find my shoes and searched for them. I was not frantic, though, but very calm in a casual way. I located my shoes – two small, black dress flats with tiny bows on the toes.

The next few sections of the dream all blur together but I recall being with a fairly large group of maybe 10 or 12 people. I recall doing my “work” which appeared to be counseling. The specific memory I had was of helping a girl whose parents were beside themselves over a health crisis in their family. Their son, the girl’s older brother, was having surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. As a result of the stress, the parents were not very nice to the little girl. In some cases outright mean. She could not understand and was very upset and confused. She was one of my assignments and so I reached out to her, telling her to hold her parents in her heart because they were worried about losing her brother and to ignore their harsh comments. I remember that when I spoke to the girl she was floating about two feet off the ground in front of me. It was like she was Spirit but I know better. In fact, I think she was likely dreaming and I was guiding her from the Spirit side. I remember that when she realized why her parents were so nasty that she smiled and was much comforted.

After this crisis episode I was told I was being promoted. I had not been working long at my current job so this surprised me. I was asked if I would accept a promotion and I said I would. I was told I was being promoted to Interventionist. I don’t remember having much of an opinion of it but I do recall that the reassignment meant I would have to move.

Then I was in an apartment with my roommates preparing to move out. My roommates constituted my main group but there were many more other groups we associated with. I remember that my promotion was considered a big deal to my group because I had not been at my previous position very long and already had been moved “up”.

As I was preparing to leave I visited another group next door. When I went inside it was a very large conference room rather than an apartment. Everyone was sitting at long tables and conversing. When I went inside I felt bad because I had not visited in a while. I apologized and one woman said, “That’s okay. You’ve been very busy.”

I spoke with many, many people, asking them about their new assignments. Most kept their assignments but were sent to a different location. I recall they were going to locations where there was great need. Most all were going in directions they hadn’t anticipated. I saw several shocked faces.

There was an older lady who was not very attractive. She had a huge smile and was quite wrinkly. I remember she wore glasses attached to an eye glass chain. She approached me with open arms and was very, very excited to see me. She hugged me and I hugged her back but was a bit confused as I did not recognize her. She said to me, “I am so happy to see you! I love you so much! I have loved you from the moment I first saw you!” With her words came a visual that we had met many lifetimes ago. She then kissed me firmly on the lips. I didn’t know what to think. Was this woman for real? lol

At the end of the dream a woman opened up her letter of assignment and it said she was to be a member of City Council. I applauded her and everyone joined in. It was a rare event to be given such an assignment.

crossroadsReflection

So why the good mood? I am not really sure. Maybe it is just because I feel progress is being made? Or maybe because I finally know my assignment?

The title of Interventionist is not unfamiliar to me. I have been perusing local school websites for counseling jobs just to see what is out there and “feel out” various positions. So far everything has disagreed with me. However, the title of Interventionist frequently pops up. In a school setting they intervene in situations when resolution has not been reached by other means and work with both sides to find a solution. They are considered experts in their area. In a school setting most are in Special Education (not my area at all).

I do not think the title given in the dream is necessarily a job I will “find” or “obtain” here in the physical. It is likely a job on the spiritual side. However, it could be in the physical as well. It could be Spiritual Crisis Intervention. When I consider this line of work my heart chakra, which has seemed dead for a while now, wakes up. Hmmm.

Based upon the dream, others are also receiving or about to receive their new assignments. This is a good thing even though, for some, it may seem completely out of sync with what they had “planned” on doing. Plans change for a reason. It is important to trust you are being sent in the direction where you are most needed.

 

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Dream: Finding True North

The question I had asked about the pole confusion in my dream was answered in the following dream.

Dream: Finding  True North

 

In this dream I was in the water with a bunch of classmates and we were retrieving rocks from the sea floor. I remember selecting a few that were pretty and two large completely clear cubes.

When we brought them to the surface we gave them to our teacher who was a scientist of great renown. I never saw this teacher but heard about him.

At this point the scene shifted and I was inside my mom’s house in her bedroom and in her bed. I was very tired and struggled to keep my eyes open.

I knew there had been a wedding and guests were still present. A woman came into the bedroom and snuggled up next to me. I assumed she was one of the guests.

I turned to look at her but did not recognize her at all. She had long, flowing dirty blonde hair and was a bit chubby. She appeared to be fairly young but she had been crying so it was hard to tell. I asked her why she was crying and she said, “You didn’t help me.” I tried to tell her that I would have helped had I known she needed it but she would not listen.

Then I was back with my classmates discussing the rocks we picked up. We continued the discussion of the warring nations of a long forgotten Earth (my last dream). The rocks were to be carved into pendants. The two crystal cubes I found were especially special. I inspected one for some time. I don’t remember now why they were special.

Then I noticed one of my guides standing in the shadows. He was holding in his hand one of the pendants made from a mineral or rock whose name now eludes me. I remember discussing the name at length, too! Anyway, he showed me this pendant made from this mineral. It was red with splotches of a dark brown on it and very pretty. It had been cut extremely thin and was quite beautiful. He put the pendant on the necklace and then said, “Look. What happens?” He put the necklace onto something I could not see so that it hung down like a pendulum. The pendulum began to swing on its own in very wide, clockwise circles.

I knew instantly what was happening. “It is pointing to True North” I said.

Dream: Prison

I was then in a totally different scene. I was inside what appeared to be a large communal area but it was obvious right away that it was a prison.

I was sitting at a table with a girl who was trying to do an easy algebra problem. I knew she could solve it and encouraged her to teach the others how to do it. She refused and ran away, nervous to stand in front of everyone. I decided to teach them because, well, that is what I do and I had no fear of any of it.

I began to show them but most had no knowledge of the basic algebraic rules (negative plus negative equals positive and other rules). I remember looking for a textbook to show them but none was available. The other inmates began to lose interest because they did not have the background knowledge needed to keep up with my lesson. I saw them gather into small groups.

I remember giving up and going to the tall, chain link fence that surrounded the prion. It was at least 10 feet tall, maybe higher. I kicked it a few times. It made a strange noise and I knew it was electrified.

Then I went to sit next to one of the inmates, an older man. I remember being in a very chipper mood. He had a bowl of oatmeal in front of him and I grabbed his spoon. He looked at me like, “What are you doing?” I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I borrow your spoon?” I put the spoon back because he looked annoyed. Then he just got up and walked away leaving me there all alone.

I went up to another inmate, a woman. Still very happy, I attempted to start a conversation with her. She ignored me.

Suddenly I felt very, very alone and sad. I turned around and began to sob into my hands. My thoughts were, “Nobody is listening to me. I just want someone to talk to. I feel so alone.” I felt hands on both my shoulders that pulled me into an embrace. I cried so hard it woke me up.

I continued to cry after waking. This song was going through my head, specifically the part “killing me softly”:

Talk with my Guide

After crying for a little while I asked my guide, “Why is this [emotional release] happening again?” He said to me, “You are listening.” It didn’t help.

Then all my dreams from the night came together and I knew that I had been following a false north. I knew that I was suppose to be doing what I had been doing in the prison dream. This is not necessarily being a “teacher”, but sharing my knowledge, my Light. Like in the dream, though, not everyone is ready for it and most do not have the background knowledge needed for my lessons to make sense. They are not ready.

I was told, “Those who are ready will listen.” But it seems like no one is listening, like no one is ready. I was reassured that some are listening. “Your job is to share your Light, your experiences. You teach to those ready to learn.” This didn’t make me feel any better. I feel like an utter failure, like no one is ready. On top of all that, what I am, what I “teach”, only makes me that much more separate from everyone else. Thus, I feel utterly and painfully alone. No amount of trying to fit in will eliminate that loneliness. I am stuck with it.

I remember Jeb had told me he would make me feel better. This is a weird way to go about it.