Category Archives: Messages

by

Warning. The Boat is Sinking.

Woke up to more noise than I would like. Noise here not specifically referring to sound, though that, too. 😉

First a dream, to give you an idea of how my spiritual family was preparing me for the day ahead.

Dream: Cazimi The Game

My astrologically inclined readers will appreciate this.

I was in a room with a few other people. A golden hue surrounded us. On a small, circular table sat what looked like a shadow box. Someone motioned us closer and said, “Hurry and take a look. See if you can find a word. If you’re luck, you may even find a sentence!” I lingered at the edge of the group, curious. The others seemed enthralled. I wondered if the game may be a spin off of Scrabble. Someone said they thought they saw a word and then said, “Oh no, sorry. I was wrong. I think it moved.” Too intrigued to observe, I finally walked over.

The person who had called us in saw me and enthusiastically waved me over. He was beaming. I looked down. Below was what looked like a map of a city block in 3D. Letters were in random places. Sometimes they were next to each other, sometimes in groups and other times the letters were separate. I asked, “What is the game called?” He said, “Cazimi”. The name sounded familiar but I didn’t become lucid – yet. I took another look and saw what I thought was a word. It said, “Lost”. I said, “There. Look. I see the word “lost”. When I looked back it had moved and looked more like “Loos”. Still, I focused again and I saw the word “Dog”. I pointed it out and said, “Dog. I think it says, “Lost dog”. I hesitated. Is this telling me I will lose my dog? Someone said, “Good job! You found one!” I looked back down and the words moved again, shimmering until they made absolutely no sense. I became lucid because I kept thinking, “Cazimi. I know that word.”

Today is Mercury Cazimi and my dream is the perfect reflection of what that is like.

Dizzy

When I woke up I turned to my side and everything started spinning. Crap. This is day 2 of unexplained vertigo. I got sick on Halloween but I’m not anymore. Did my cold somehow cause me to develop vertigo? Will it ever go away? Sigh. Sadly, it has been my companion all day, even through my workout. I lifted weights and used a bench. Lay down on the bench. Dizzy spins. I sit up from the bench. Dizzy spins. I lean over the bench. Dizzy spins. I did not pass out.

Am I worried. Not really. Sometimes the spins are nice. I feel like they will suck me into a deep slumber. Sometimes they are inconvenient. I don’t want to have them when I drive.

This was the issue yesterday. I was too dizzy to drive. My voting place is an hour away. So I didn’t vote. What if I passed out on the way there?

No biggie. It’s just the midterms.

The Boat Is Sinking

As I went about my day it became obvious, despite my purposefully trying to ignore the fuss, that something major happened politically. Oh, so a “blue wave”. Hmmm Are we surprised? The party not affiliated with the president usually picks up seats and shifts the majority in Congress. It has happened with every presidency that I have witnessed in my lifetime.

Still, I worry about my state. The scare tactics worked somewhat on me. Especially regarding immigration. I don’t know why I get so concerned about it.

My guidance, ever keeping me in check, reminded me of a prediction they gave me over 20yrs ago this morning, “Remember the big picture”. Remember that what is happening now is a tiny snapshot of the bigger picture.

20yrs ago I told there would be a “mass migration” from second and third world countries into 1st world ones. This is driven by climate change, political unrest, natural disasters, economic crisis and, most importantly, human survival instinct. People dislike uprooting from the familiar and moving far away. They typically live within 3hrs of where they are born. This is even more likely in third world countries where transportation and communication are limited. So, it is going to get SO bad that people are going to overwhelm 1st world countries because 1. they tend to have more stable governments, 2. they have more resources 3. many have welfare states (guaranteed health, housing, food, etc) and 4. they have space because of population decline.

So, in terms of this inevitable migration, their are two options: Fight it or prepare for it.

Fighting it results in a build up of desperation in the populations seeking relief. The more people denied, the higher the pressure and the bigger the influx when the dam breaks.

Preparing for it means migration is allowed based upon the determined demand (pressure). A trickle and then a steady stream. This allows people to move but doesn’t overwhelm the places they are headed. In the meantime, those who are feeling the crunch of the new arrivals have the ability to leave. If they head towards the places the migrants are leaving, an equilibrium can be reached and, if these people leaving are smart, they can rebuild and repair those places making them better and more tolerable. The ultimate goal is to make every place a good, solid place to live where no one ends up pushed out because of things like starvation, disease, housing, work, etc.

Humanity has to work together to survive. That is not what patterns are showing at this time. If this patterns of self-absorption doesn’t reverse, humanity will destroy itself and the Watchers will once again have to come in and clean up the mess. Humanity will be corrected and there will be a restart.

I was once shown the goal for humanity and for our lives in this place via the analogy of a group of people on a boat. The goal is that everyone gets to the destination in the end. No one is left behind.

The boat is sinking and the occupants can see the shore ahead. It seems impossible to most on the boat that everyone will make it. The boat is too heavy, there are people in it that can’t help row – sick, elderly, young, and just plain lazy/unmotivated/hopeless. Humanity currently is tossing people overboard to make the boat lighter and get it to the shore faster. Remember, the goal is “No one is left behind”. So, if they make it to the other side they will not be allowed to exit the boat and will be sent back to retrieve those tossed overboard. With a still leaky boat and already exhausted occupants, the return is unlikely to be successful and all will perish.

Is it impossible for everyone to make it to the shore? I don’t think so. The key is to work together, to look for alternative solutions or let the boat sink with everyone in it and swim to shore, carrying the weak, young, elderly and unmotivated on the backs of the strong. The thing is, we must work TOGETHER. As long as someone is dividing us, the boat won’t make it. None of us will.

The way politics is going in the US, the probability of an actual divided nation is growing. The US as we know it now will not exist in the future. I have seen it (vivid premonitory visions) split in half at the Mississippi river. One side retains the US name (east) and the other becomes its own country (west) with Texas ultimately joining Mexico (which will also be divided). Climate and weather changes will make shorelines risky to inhabit for a while. People will avoid the coasts except for industry, shipping and defense. The number of people on the planet will plummet.

There is a possibility that humanity will end or almost end itself through war. The trajectory of earth points to this end right now (60-70% probability). There is also a possibility that humanity will begin to work together and recreate the ideas of community and family. In this new earth, the megalopolis and its surrounding suburbs will not exist. Big cities fall quickly and people retreat into small communal towns that are connected via trade routes, roads, rail and sometimes river. Resources are shared. People who rise up to take more than their share are rehabilitated. Technology has its place but it highly monitored and used only for the benefit of all.

I hear 2032 is a turning point. So, hopefully we can make some progress and shift things in the right direction.

I will never experience this new world. None of us alive today will. It is at least 150yrs in the future. The timeline can be altered. It can happen sooner. If we work together sooner rather than later.

One more Thing….

I was also reminded of a dream I had a while ago now. I believe my daughter was 15 at the time. In the dream I found myself helping my college-aged daughter who was freaking out because she had to mail actual letters instead of email someone. The entire grid had been obliterated by a massive solar flare. She was freaking out. I was not. I actually laughed and reassured her that no, the world was not ending, and to be patient and enjoy the slower pace of life she is getting to experience.

My daughter is in college now. She has 3.5 more years. We are way overdo for a solar flare of that magnitude. When it happens all will be okay. We will survive it and rebuild. This is not to make anyone worry. It is just a possibility.

by

Writing is Healing

Writing this book is deeply healing. I have finished Chapter 2. 1700 or so words. Like with the first chapter, I cried afterward.

I have continued to feel emotional today as well. It doesn’t help that I am dealing with a cold that seems to want to throw me into coughing fits at random times. This morning when I woke and sat up in bed everything started spinning. I waited because I thought it would stop soon after, but it didn’t. The spinning got worse. So, I laid down. The spinning continued for a short while and then stopped. I went about my day and then, before my morning walk, laid down briefly. Immediately the spinning resumed. This time I felt like I would be sucked into a vortex of doom (pass out lol) which I refused to do. I sat up and the spinning stopped.

On my morning walk the colors were so vibrant. I swear my vision has change since I started writing. Even the wind and the feel of the pavement under my feet feels different. So solid. It reminds me of the place I went to in Chapter 2. The vibrant colors, the feel of the wind and the music, so much music. My homesickness makes so much more sense to me now. Connections I have in this life pale in comparison to the connections I have there. And the senses we have here and not the same as what is there. There is synesthesia and chromesthesia there. Colors are not just colors, they are alive.

As I write one chapter, the next begins to take shape, memories start to seep in and I am caught up in revelation after revelation. I look forward to “reading” the story as it unfolds. I hope my readers also feel this way one day. If that day ever comes.

I get that I am processing some heavy stuff but I can’t help but wonder if that is why I am feeling so crappy physically? It is not lost to me that when one returns to a past life that the body in the current life can mimic issues from the previous one. I don’t get dizzy spells. And this morning, after the second dizzy spell, I was instantly reminded of a past life when I was hit in the head (different past life) and experienced the spinning right before I lost consciousness. I made sure to distinguish between the two in my mind and remind myself I am here in this present life and time, not back in 1000AD!

I am taking a break this afternoon instead of jumping right into Chapter 3. Chapter 3 is my life review so there will be lots of surprises I am sure. So there will be no working out today. No way!

by

Inspiration In-Coming

I was doing laundry of all things when the idea came to me.

Write.

When I listened with interest and curiosity (the thought was not mine) I Knew. My story. Not just this human one, but OUR story, mine and my Companion’s.

I sat down immediately because of the familiar sensation I was getting. The feeling is of a descent from “above” into my crown. I feel as if I am sitting within Myself, one superimposed over the other. It is a distinctive feeling that is difficult to put into words. It is NOT Kundalini. This is different. This is similar to what I experienced during the Walk-In or Soul Braid experiences I had that just happened to align with my heart connection and first major surges of the Kundalini. I don’t know if what I am experiencing has a name. Divine Inspiration? Perhaps. Maybe that is the best I can do to name it for the moment.

I cannot say how amazing it is to suddenly Know not only what I am going to write, but how it will be written. I will be going back, like waaaay back to before this lifetime. I will likely get to Know some things I have yet had access to along the way. And something about the journey will help me step fully into mySelf and my role on this planet.

It is actually hard not to type in the other me’s style. The one that use to come out when I would write in my Walk-In Life blog. The one who speaks and writes entirely differently than I would otherwise. It makes my eyes heavy when I give into that part of me. It is delicious and I want to sink fully into it. But I hear it is not yet time.

I’m sorry to say but I will not be sharing what I write in a blog. It will be kept on my computer and when it is time I will know what to do with it.

It will be written in three parts: Preparation, Incarnation, Destination.

Preparation is about Us – Steven (My Companion) and I. Our preparatory journey or the time before this lifetime. I have some memory of it but not all. I suspect I will be filled in as I write. Yay? It will include the descent into this physical body. That I did recall already but maybe there is more.

Incarnation is my lifetime up until now or at least very close to now. My awakenings and struggles to include excepts from my journals, my meeting with Steven and the Remembering that came with it.

Destination – Not Yet Known.

It will be written in first person, or sorta. It will be complicated because Steven and I “travel always together” and so my experience is also his and as his is mine.

I tried to type something but twice WP crashed on me. I’ve never had that happen before so I will end off here because that can’t be coincidence.

by

Link Established

I was perusing my blog activity, looking at what posts were viewed and reading some of them based upon what drew me in. I read one where I wrote out a question/answer conversation with my Companion Traveler. I remember asking if he was there and got a reply, “Yes”. I thought again how not everyone has a Companion Traveler. Most have Assistants. I wondered about it.

Then, I thought of my morning walk and how my mind was trying to return to past thought patterns. I was nudged to reconsider falling into those old patterns and as such stopped. Yet they continued to knock, knock and I found myself feeling defeated by their persistence. I was reminded to breathe, to observe my surroundings, to take in the beauty around me. As I breathed in and then out I was reminded that with every breath in, life begins and with every breath out, life ends. It is the cycle of death and rebirth in each breath in and out. This is the flow. Be in the flow and accept that you expand and contract like the breath, like the Earth, like the ocean tides, like the day turns to night, like the Universe, like all of Life.

I sat at my computer, feeling drawn to type. As I opened my blog an email came in. A perfectly time distraction placed there by my subconscious in an attempt to keep things as is, to feel safe, to feel in control. I opened the email. I opened the attachment. I had to stop. A feeling was growing above me and then came down and seemingly into me, expanding and filling me up. I closed my eyes as I breathed out a sigh of relief and tears poured from my eyes.

Link established.

I said in reply, You mean re-established.

My mind tried to logically explain away why this was occurring now. It must be because of the Venus cazimi or some other astrological event. This has to be a fluke….

Yet a part of me knows it isn’t. This is significant. Profound.

I worry it won’t last. I have missed this feeling. I can’t believe I forgot it.

Even as I sit here typing, willing myself to document this profound moment, I feel it. There is no other way to describe it except to say I no longer feel alone. I want to say I feel accompanied by another but I know this other is Me.

I will link that blog post here.

Whoever visited my blog and read that post – thank you. You helped bring Me back to myself.

by

Pluto Direct

Pluto went direct right as a cold front came in. I crashed and slept hard.

I woke up around 6am with my root chakra very intensely pulling. I wondered briefly about it and then my second chakra started to light up. I heard my guide say, “Dec 21”. I asked, “Why does everything happen in December?” (Dec 2014 = intense heart opening).

I returned to sleep and fell into an interesting dream.

Dream

I was riding a motorcycle (individual path) down a familiar road. I realized that I should have turned left back behind me, so I turned around (course correction). I remember feeling like I was wearing something heavy and my feet not being on the foot pedals and worrying I would not be able to brake in time. I then remembered the brake was on the handlebars. I slowed and stopped with some others on motorcycles. I wondered if we would all ride together in a little pack, like in formation. The others began to move, turning right (intuition, the feminine). I followed.

When I arrived at the destination it resembled a large theater with row after row of hundreds of seats. The others began to sit down, so I did, too. This is when I got a glimpse of myself and the others. We looked almost skeletal with very pale or white skin. We were very tall, at least 7ft, and had longer arms than what would be proportional to our height. Our hands were similarly long and very boney in appearance. I struggle to remember what our faces looked like. The human me wants to say they looked like skulls but I do not believe this is accurate. When I try to recall the faces I saw now, they look completely devoid of any defining characteristics. They are just overly large, oval shaped solid white heads without eyes, ears, mouth or nose.

This is when it gets interesting. From where I was seated I began to travel through time. The first place I went took me to others similar to the skeletal people I was with. When I came into the body it was on the ground facing up and another Being was looking down at me. He said to me, “We knew you were coming.” Then others came up from all around with long, narrow, spear-like things in their hands. They did not look happy to see me. As they began their assault I could see myself from above and watched as I began to murmur some words I cannot recall now. These words pulled me out of that body and back to my place of origin.

I went out again, this time coming into a body at the theater only I was sitting in the very back next to a man who was very obviously human. He turned and smiled at me. He seemed small to me but then I realized I must also be small. I looked down at myself and saw both the skeletal white body and a human one. It was like I was both but then the human man did not seem afraid so I concluded my body looked human. Remembering I came from a seat up at the front I realized I was not wearing any shoes. I began looking for my shoes. I asked the man if he had seen them and he pointed at my feet. I saw some female shoes, white and slender like flats. I put them on and sat there a while. A movie was playing on the screen. I think it was a musical. It seemed enjoyable so I watched with the others for a while. Then I told the man I needed to return to my seat where I had left my other shoes, some much more comfortable than the ones I had in my hands (I never put them on).

I went to the front and sat next to others like myself. My shoes were where I left them. I could see both their skeletal form and human form, the latter being more solid. The movie scene mixes here with what was going on in the seats around me so it gets confusing. It comes out in the dream like the movie actors/actresses are both on screen and off. Those off screen got up and began to form a line and then a circle. I joined them. We were dancing together and I did not know the foot placement. No worries, I was told, follow along with me. A women in front of me showed me and though clumsy, I was able to keep pace. The woman in her skeletal overlay had on jewelry and was adorned with wreaths of flowers around her neck. So were all the others. I concluded I was wearing the same.

The whole time I felt heavy with the suit of armor or whatever my other body consisted of. I was too big for the human body and quite awkward in it.

When it finished, I went back to my seat, the one in the front, to retrieve my other shoes. They were tennis shoes and I remembered them vividly in my mind. When I went to my seat another person was occupying it. In fact, the whole row was full of women, all who looked solidly human. I inquired about my seat and began to head towards it and the woman pointed to another row. I saw an entirely empty row closer to the screen. Confused, I followed their instructions thinking maybe I had been wrong about where my original seat was located.

When I woke my body was alive with energy, especially my second and third chakras. I wondered about the dream and then remembered that Pluto had gone direct, likely overnight while I was sleeping. Could that be why I had such vivid dreams?

Pluto

I am no expert on Pluto and my astrological chart but I do know it has a lot of influence on my life because my Ascendant is in Aquarius. I believe it is now in my 1st house after years of tearing down old, outgrown loyalties, unhelpful patterns and codependent habits (divorce anyone?). It felt like trembling of the ground and then a volcanic explosion for me (as in anger lol) that only recently simmered down around May of this year, when Pluto went retrograde.

While Pluto was retrograde I felt relief from the anger and got some perspective on why I had been so angry, etc, making the decision to stop the “attack” on my ex and move forward more peacefully. I let go of the anger and vengeful thoughts and felt an immense relief in doing so. I left my counseling job and spent a lot of time resting, going inward and evaluating what worked for me in life and what did not, specifically in love/relationships and in career. I felt the need to move forward but a major “NO” from within when I tried to do so. It was very clear that I was to wait and when Pluto went direct that resistant was gone.

I backed off all summer and watched as those around me seemed to be going through their own evaluation periods. My sister especially went through this, but I also witnessed my brother fall into a depression for a while and only recently come out from it. My ex has been struggling (according to my kids) with his new girlfriend (fights/arguments) and work and, most recently, the conflict with our son. Interestingly, my daughter and my brother BOTH had interviews the day Pluto went direct. lol My daughter got offered the job and my brother is going to have interview #2 soon and I believe he will get that job offer. Whether he takes it is unclear yet. If he does, he will move out of my spare room in January. 😦

I don’t think the anger will be returning. I am done with wasting my time, thoughts, energy, and life force, on someone who never fully appreciated me or loved me for me. I deserve more. My focus is going to be on loving myself and looking to myself for those things I have always sought from others: validation, approval, love, value, companionship, security.

Other Happenings

Family Reunion

The day Pluto went direct I hosted a family gathering at my country home. It was an important one because 1. my mom’s 78th birthday was the day before, and 2. it was the first time my mom had seen her daughter and grandson (my sister and nephew) in years. I cannot remember how long it has been, but after my mom evicted my sister and her husband off her property, my sister refused to see or talk to her and would not let her son see her, his grandmother. My sister, who I have been speaking to since May (when Pluto went retro), has been sober and doing purposeful healing work. She originated to me that she wanted to see our mom, so I set up this gathering. It turned out beautifully.

My mom cried happy tears when she saw my sister and nephew and hugged my sister for a very long time. We had cake and chatted for a while and then took a walk down to the pond. My sister and brother along with my oldest son went exploring. My sister found a tiny turtle skull (featured photo) and my brother found a massive turtle shell in almost perfect condition. It was only missing three scutes, all around the bottom of the shell where it met the top portion.

Messages

All in all, I could feel a palpable shift in the energy that day and I continue to feel it. My dreams have also shifted. I keep getting messages and hints of upcoming changes related to family and relationships as well as perhaps resolution of lingering power/control dynamics.

In addition to the date of Dec. 21 of this year (winter solstice), I have twice been told my ex will call me. The first time I was told this (two weeks ago) my ex called me not long after about “wrestling” with our oldest son (major physical argument). The result was our son staying with me during his week with his father. I received 10 phone calls from my ex that day. 10! That is more phone calls than I receive in a year now that we are divorced. One phone call was quite productive, and though our son was insistent upon living with me full-time, I convinced him to give his father another chance and so he stayed there this past week. Had this incident happened a year ago, I believe I would have approached it all very differently to the extent that my son would likely be living with me full-time. My willingness and agreeableness to resolve the situation helped shift my ex’s approach and so what may have been a highly volatile situation was smoothed over, corners tucked in like a freshly made bed.

Then the night before last I awoke from a dream about my ex hearing, “He will call you”. This came with a Knowing of changes coming for my ex. These changes, like the house of cards he and I built together, has cracks in its foundation. The dream I had showed the floors of his house buckling and forming a crevasse down the middle of the living room, the devastation caused by a water leak. While I can’t say I Know the specific details of this collapse, it appears to be linked to him not doing the healing work he needed to do after our divorce as well as some other bad decisions. I did not wake feeling these issues would directly impact me and my life and/or finances but they might indirectly impact me.

I was also told very matter-of-factly by a masculine voice upon waking, “You will get everything you want, just not how you expect.” Is this good or bad news? IDK but hey, if I get everything I want, then bring it on. If it is not in the way I expect, then at least it will be interesting, right?

Pics from that day:

Turtle shell found 10/16. This is after it was cleaned and coated with polyurethane.
Blue-Winged Teal ducks in my pond.
Garter snake I encountered on my walk. It was cold that morning so the snake was sluggish and let me hold it.

by

Dream, Vision and White Heron Feathers

Lots to report in a short time. Here we go…

First the White Heron Feathers. I found four in different locations on a morning walk. I took a path I have not walked in a while (also symbolic ha!). This was last Sunday. White Herons come in flocks to my pond and the adjacent pond. This time of year there are more than usual. However, I have only ever found one feather in the past. To find four on one walk was surprising.

The White Heron symbolizes patience, good fortune and Divine timing. Finding four of them brings in the energy of the number 4 which is often connected with the four directions, the four elements, balance and stability.

I was feeling somewhat disheartened that morning and it seemed to be confirmation from my guidance that my patience will pay off.

And then last night, prior to bed, I asked my guides to show me “what I am suppose to do” in this stage of my life. I did not expect an answer.

Dream: Mediumship

As posted this morning in my personal journal.

In the dream I was sitting at a table with some classmates. One looked like a girl I knew in high school. We’ll call her Nancy. All the seats were taken and I asked Nancy if I could sit next to her. It felt like she was somewhat snobby or a know-it-all but also like she was annoyed that I was there. She told me it was okay and I sat down making sure to avoid her sleeve which was covered in a nice, silk blouse sleeve that I could see through. 

It felt like the group of women I was with was talking about business matters. I remember hearing someone mention something that needed doing. Another woman in the group suggested a courier. Nancy was listening and asked, “Do you even know what a courier does?” I told her I knew and described what they do by saying they are similar to an office aid who goes between the office and some other place either taking items of importance back and forth or who completes other tasks that have to do with several offices, like a go-between. Nancy nodded her head but said I was almost correct.

The rest of the dream was a discussion about the importance of the work to be done and further elaboration on what the work involves. I do not recall the other woman being there during this discussion. Instead it seemed like Nancy was conveying this information to me personally. As the dream began to break up and I gained lucidity, it was clear the work in question was mine. I was responding to Nancy as I woke saying, “So you are talking about mediumship”. As I woke I felt mediumship was the gift that allowed me to do this kind or work.

When I woke I was seeing a visual of a person in between the physical and spiritual realms. It felt like I was being asked to be more than a medium but a representative trusted with valuable information from one realm, the realm of spirit, to another, the physical. It reminded me of channeling, though I do not think it is just that. 

Vision: Y-Tube and Communion

My morning was hectic with some surprise elements (personal things I will save for another time). I was tired because I had only slept 5hrs. I tried to sleep and “rested” for about two hours. During that time my mind mostly wandered and then, at some point, I became aware of a mental voice that was not my own.

I was thinking about this morning’s dream and during this time is when I noticed a guide was conversing with me. I believe I had been asking for another K connection at the time. He was asking me to consider what I required to do my work. Would I require a person I was physically connected to who I also met in person? Or would it be okay to have a connection with someone who also has a physical body but I did not meet in person? Or maybe someone who is not here physically? I said I preferred to come into physical contact with the other person. I am okay with dreams any time, but it is lonely and I feel adrift without someone to anchor me here. 

I then asked about the experiences I’ve had – what exactly is the Kundalini connection that I experienced? Like, how does it work? This type of connection is what I desire so I wanted to know exactly what was occurring because it felt like I was merged into one with another.

I was shown very clearly a tube like one would use in a science lab but it was in the shape of an inverted Y. It was sitting on a nightstand along with other items as if part of a room’s decor. The tube is apparently a real thing, known as a Y-Tube.

I was also shown and heard the name of one of my Light Code Oracle cards: Communion. In that card there are three circles coming together but not fully merged and it looks like a Venn Diagram.

The empty Y-Tube may be symbolic for an open channel. The top part is Universal consciousness or Source. The bottom of the Y is a split into dual receptacles. This indicates that Source is coming down and equally distributing into two individuals who are sharing in the Divine. 

So, what I was thinking about the two becoming one is actually one energy dividing itself to experience two bodies simultaneously. 

The Communion card is three circles joining. One circle is one individual’s consciousness (feminine), the other is the partners individual consciousness (masculine) and the last is Source of which we are both tuning into simultaneously. 

The entire message is profound and I am still digesting it. It is not something I did not already have awareness of but it was surprising the way my guide came into my thoughts. I had been on the edge of sleep and wake but not quite fully in the in-between when it occurred. My dream last night seemed to indicate a direction, one I had asked for previous to sleep, and it is not usual that I actually get instruction like this. It is clear that my purpose has to do with bridging the physical and the spiritual and now, with the symbolism provided during my meditation, it seems the Kundalini is part of my work. I am not really surprised. Why wouldn’t it be? 

I also did not realize how important the Communion card was. I drew that card not long ago in a reading for myself on May 25, 2025. It was the center card of three. The first card was Breakthrough, the last was Reflect. FYI: When I painted the Reflect card I was reminded of the “mirror” one experiences with Divine connections (some call them Twin Flames, I call them Heart Connections). However, following my dream and vision today, I believe it to be a good representation of what my guidance just relayed to me. There is a central symbol and it is receiving and transmitting beams of blue (information).

Regardless of all of the above, I have been asking to be guided towards my life’s purpose or work now and I feel very strongly it is linked to a partner, most likely a partner who I am able to come into Union with. My instructions appear to be that I am here as a medium but my work is not only to connect to Spirit for those who have lost loved ones, but also to connect to Divine Beings such as what some call ascended masters. When I come into contact with these Beings I don’t like to categorize them except to say they feel very ancient and contain great knowledge. It is this knowledge I am told I am here to convey. 

Oddly, I am not very inspired or moved by all of the above. Maybe because of today’s mundane events and the issues likely to arise from them. I am very calm considering all that has happened today. Oh and we got rain for the first time in a long while today also. When it rains, it pours I guess. 😉

by

Dream: Venus in Aries

How about that full moon energy!? [eyeroll]

Lots of random, stressful things happened, but nothing so big I couldn’t handle it. For example, the weekend before last was a bit odd energy-wise. That Friday I was in a rush to go somewhere despite my guidance suggesting I slow down. As soon as I started to drive I got a low tire pressure warning. I went back home and aired up my tire and then left again despite yet another nudge to slow down and just “stay home”. Still rushing (and there was NO reason to), I clipped the bottom of my garage door, partially tearing my spoiler off my car and dislocating the roller off the door track. The garage door was undented and works fine with readjustment. I did, however, have to fix my flat and the spoiler. Total cost: $360.

The next day I opted to stay home all day because I could still sense that crazy, hurried energy. I got a call from my daughter that afternoon. She was frantic. She had lost her keys, including her key fob. She had to pay $300 to replace her dorm keys and she was crying and stressing.

All of the issues have been resolved, now, and I am surprised how calm I remained despite it all. It is proof I have grown. However, yesterday I discovered a leak in a pipe located between my country home and the garage guest room. Again, I got the hectic, almost frantic energy but chose to sit through it on my drive home. Once it passed, I called my step-father and my brother. I asked my brother to dig up the pipe. I asked my step-father to fix it. My step-father is going to fix it today. Also today, my daughter is getting a new fob and it is costing her $400.

These are just annoyances for me mostly but my mom has also had lots of things break (two of which were plumbing related) and told me about it this past weekend. I think it must have been something with the energy because WOW. So much crap in such a short time.

On a positive note, I have discovered that my long held belief that I cannot predict future events for family members is incorrect. I have now correctly predicted several things for my daughter, specifically job-related. Huh. I guess, though, I should know there really is no limit except the ones I place on myself. I had no issue predicting things for my first husband after we divorced. Why shouldn’t I be able to help my daughter? The only problem is she is now calling me all.the.time asking for more predictions, especially pressing me to tell her what she wants to hear. I have had to reel her in, reminding her that I am not able to see everything and life is meant to have mystery. She doesn’t like that at all. At least I know she believes in me, which feels nice.

Okay, on to a dream I wanted to share.

Dream: Venus in Aries

I was inside my house, which was a very grand mansion, and found two boxes left to me by my sister. I opened them and they were brand new baby bottles. I remember thinking, “Who would need that many bottles?” and also that I definitely didn’t need any since I did not have a baby. 

I remember conversing with someone online briefly. Then I went to this bar type restaurant where I was to meet a man who was in town on business for a few days. I took my son with me. 

The space was very golden in color (safe, protected space) and full of people mingling. The man was standing at the bar (space of connection) talking to another man and saw me before I saw him. When I saw him I froze. He was beautiful. I immediately lost the ability to speak coherently and started to walk away, hiding my face because I was wearing my glasses and felt ugly. I felt unprepared for meeting this man. He would surely reject me because of how beautiful he was and how ugly I felt. I remember looking for a my son who was running about like a child tends to do. I was planning on leaving. The man followed me. He smiled when I hid from him and came up and lifted my face up to his gently, looking directly at me. He told me he liked my glasses and that he had glasses also. He wanted to know if I was interested in continuing our date and I nodded, speechless. He talked and laughed, telling me about himself and his work, saying he was into information processing or something similar. He had a room in the adjacent hotel upstairs where he was staying with a coworker.

At some point I relaxed and accepted that this man liked me. I remember him discussing the energies with me, mentioning Venus. He said about the connection he was feeling with me, “I wonder what planet Venus is in. It must be Scorpio”. I corrected him and said, “I think Venus is in Aries”. When I said this, the electric energy I felt between us was very hard to resist and I could tell he felt it, too. I leaned into him, almost melting into his arms when he caught me, finally giving into the feeling. We kissed and it felt like my insides turned to warm jelly. We made out there in the middle of the bar area with people all around. I remember thinking it inappropriate but I chose not to stop. I didn’t care who saw me. The kisses were divine, his lips soft and our lips together seeming to merge into one.

I asked if I could see his room and he said yes, of course. He took me to a hallway but the hallway only extended a couple of feet and three stairs led up to a wooden landing. There were three doors with numbers on them. The middle door had a number that caught my attention but I can’t recall it now. My son, who had been lingering around the entire time, asked to use the restroom. The man showed him the door on the left and my son went inside. The man opened the door in the middle and we went inside. The room was small with a bed and dresser only. The man immediately got on the bed, leaning up against the wall and relaxing. I cautiously entered and sat on the side of the bed. My son, much younger than he is in real life, came in and began playing on the floor. He was probably about the age of 4. I was distracted by my son but knew the man also had children, two. He motioned for me to come closer, which I did, and he embraced me. The energy of the connection woke me.

Interpretation

My interpretation is the dream mirrors some of what I have been feeling lately. I miss feeling alive, I miss feeling how alive I feel when I feel desire(d).

It also feels like a continuation from a message I received before bed. I asked my guidance what I should be doing and I heard, “Keep looking for a man”. I didn’t feel this was a good action to take and went to sleep.

The man I met in the dream was absolutely beautiful, I must say. He glowed and his smile and eyes bedazzled me. I don’t recall what he looked like except for the way his energy appeared/felt, though. This is similar to another dream I recently had. I am not sure what Venus in Aries means but perhaps it has something to do with the electric attraction we felt? I did look up my Venus, which is in Leo. Leo and Aries is a wonderful attraction. My first husband was an Aries. The fire is real but it can burn out fast if it is not stoked.

by

Pre-Eclipse Dream About Acceptance

The eclipse energies are coming in and I can feel them. For me, it seems the energy amplifies something I’ve already been experiencing lately. It is a feeling of two distinct me’s, one that is ready to take on the world and another who wants to withdraw and retreat. Another thing the eclipse energy is doing is showing me that it is time to start moving away from reliance upon others for my financial and material needs and begin relying on myself. 

Dream: Growth

This dream came early this morning. In the dream I was in the 1800’s. It reminded me of the show Outlander. My ex in this life was my husband in the dream. Where we lived was a nicer house that was dank and gray inside, so perhaps a castle-like structure. We had children and I spent much of my day to day tending to them and the house. I remember my ex was very involved in the community. It was a small community and everyone knew everyone. As the children grew my ex became more and more distant, busier with his duties and other community involvements, leaving me alone most of the time. We had two boys who grew strong and I was very proud of them. 

While I watched my children grow and change, turning into strong and capable men, I saw myself grow older, frailer and smaller. I saw the contrast of how growth and change occurred. For me, it was slower, harder to detect. For my boys it was easy to see. But what about growth and change one cannot see on the outside? I felt I had grown so much, maybe even more than my boys. So why did no one notice? Because it was not obvious like it is when one grows into an adult. And while I was growing inside, on the outside I seemed to be stagnating; withering away. Yet for the boys, growth on the outside mirrored the growth on the inside. This realization saddened me.

One day I returned from town and found my ex holding up a wall against some invaders. He planned to drop it on them and crush them all. Our boys were behind the wall with him. I put up my hand to try and stop him and he laughed at me, commenting on my big heart and how I tried to save everyone. He told me I would not be able to save these people and began to move in a way suggesting a poor outcome for the people. I somehow managed to get him to let me get my bag which was behind the wall with him. Inside the bag were medicines that could heal. I hurried behind the wall, grabbed my bag and stepped away. In that instant my husband had made a decision. He chose to reject me and selected another wife, discarding me like a piece of food scrap. What was worse was that no one cared. Everyone in the community followed his lead and not one person seemed to notice I was gone. I despaired because I knew this was the end for me. No one would come to my rescue and I would be alone until the end of my days.

At the end of the dream, I stood on the edge of a cliff facing the turbulent and dark waters of the ocean below. The sky was gray and the landscape dreary. The wind whistled and howled. At the same time in my memory I saw those same waters calm and inviting. I could see the greenery of the land around and it felt peaceful and inviting. The stark contrast of the two tore at my heart.

Realization

I woke in tears as the realization of all the dream represented hit me full force. The most unfair part was how no one could see how much I had grown. All they could see was what I presented to them via my physical form and actions. They did not have access to my internal world, to the wins and loses, the difficult decisions that tore at my heart or the reasons behind my actions. They formed opinions quickly, believing what their physical eyes saw, and discarded any evidence to the contrary. It saddened me that my children would have to endure this, also. It saddened me that no one, not even my own mother, really knew who I was. It saddened me that I will never fully be known as long as I am in this physical form. That is all I have ever really wanted and it is not meant to be. Not in this place.

I also cried because I felt the part of the dream where I knew I would be alone until this life ended was true. I need to accept that the possibility is high that I will never love, never feel chosen, never have closeness, never feel vulnerable again. This was it and there was no point in wasting my time reminiscing about what was or what could have been or despairing about what will never be. Acceptance is paramount. 

My thoughts centered on how hard I have tried in this life to show others who I am. I have, up until this point in my life, performed how others wanted me to. All this was done out of a desire to be known, to be seen, to be validated. The dream revealed this was and never will be a means to that end.

Of course my guidance came through full force reminding me that all is not lost and asking me to look within at my truth. Acceptance was encouraged. Acceptance doesn’t mean all is futile. Acceptance means understanding that my strategy was wrong. Acceptance guides me towards reevaluation. Acceptance leads to a lesson learned, not failure. 

Ultimately what transforms (growth) on the inside shines through on the outside. 

by

Another House and Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract

My life direction continues to evolve as I allow the Universe to guide me on my intended path. So much to relay, so I will try to keep it short.

A little over a week ago now, I decided to meditate mid-afternoon. I was on day three of a cold and the previous two days had zapped my energy. Not surprisingly, I must have drifted off during my meditation. When I awoke, I had a solution to an on-going problem I was having with my ex.

The problem: My ex had been refusing to discuss altering the visitation schedule so that I could live full-time in my country home. With my apartment lease expiring in 60 days, I had to decide what to do. Renewing the lease felt wrong and I really, really wanted to have only one residence. However, my intuition kept nudging me to look at alternatives. Where in the past I would dig my heels in when it came to dealing with my ex, the anger had dissipated and I had shifted towards being more amicable and understanding of his circumstances. Still, I was accepting that I would just have to deal with the inevitability of another mediation once I started living full-time and could no longer follow the visitation schedule.

The solution: Upon waking, I had an idea to look at houses for sale in the school zone where my children attend school. When I saw the prices and the houses I knew I was going to buy a house. So the solution was buy a house, keep the schedule as is, and invest my money rather than see it go to rent month after month.

Honestly, this was not part of my original plan in any way, shape or form. I don’t like the suburbs, right? Well, I still did it and it was like a tidal wave of energy just flowed through me in that direction. I contacted a realtor that day and looked at houses the next. I found several in my price range, and made an offer last Thursday. Friday it was accepted as is, no changes. I close next Friday. Yeah, a two week closing. That is how it goes when you don’t go through a bank/need a mortgage.

So, soon I will own a nice, older home on almost a quarter acre of land in my sons’ school zone and within walking distance from my apartment and their father’s home.

I’ll share pics of the little house after closing. It is only 1038 sq ft. I like small, less to clean and I am closer to my boys, not spread across so much of a house that I forget they are there. I’ve enjoyed the smaller floorplan of my country home and the apartment and wanted the house to have that same feeling.

Onto the next surprise. I’ve been off all but one prescription and hormonal medicines for a month now. My sleep cycle has been hellish and I was tired of trying to figure out which pills to take to sleep night after night. At my last appointment I told my NP I wanted off all hormones and begged her for something to help me sleep, not a combination of somethings, one thing. I got a prescription for a low dose tricyclic antidepressant called Doxepin that when taken at low levels (10mg) acts like an antihistamine. Well, it worked and it is still working, night after night. I get a full 8 hours (sometimes more) of sleep every night. Hallelujah! And feel rested and have dreams and feel wonderful in the morning. And on the hormone side, well seems I am nowhere near menopause. My body thinks it is 30. No tiredness, no hot flashes (never had then to begin with), no brain fog, no aches and pains. I am in shock. I thought for sure I would be done by now. lol

With the kind of sleep I’ve been getting, my body has caught up I guess because now the dreams are returning and as vivid as ever. Last night I got a whammy of a dream, not something I’ve had in a long while.

Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract?

The dream began with me visiting what seemed like the HEB in a nearby town but it was empty like a warehouse and had no markings on it whatsoever. I was with some people but do not recall what they looked like or how many there were. We went into the covered area near the main entrance but did not go inside. Instead, we stood just outside. While there I believe I was told about a family who was from the area. I remember a mother telling her son to do things, like she was really controlling or maybe just very strict. There was a mistake made and a ton of educational booklets with the face of a child on the front were strewn all over the loading dock. The mom was upset and yelled.

I don’t know what transpired after that because I seemed to shift to another scene. I was above a road that looked like an old country road. All around was countryside consisting of fields dotted with trees. I believe I was with the son of the woman from before in the dream. We were discussing his life and he was telling me about land his family owned. I could hear someone else remind him that he had land, also. It felt like we were traveling to this land. The man asked me what kind of land I liked, and I said I liked land dotted with trees. 

We landed in this very old town, if you could even call it that. There were old, gray and dilapidated buildings scattered along a very unkept paved road. I don’t think many people lived there, if any. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to live here”. The place was not pleasant and I sensed that all the people who lived there were in everyone else’s business all the time and quite judgmental. 

At the end of the road the man and I stopped at a flatbed trailer that was not hitched to a truck. I could see we were at a high point and below us was a beautiful valley but it was far in the distance. We sat on the edge of it together and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe in his arms and melted into him. He bent down and kissed me and an intense, pleasurable energy hit me in the root and shot straight up to my crown. We lingered there exchanging soft kisses, caught up in our combined energy. 

He stood up and began pacing around. In the road below, the ground was broken wide open. I looked down and saw what appeared to be a red water pump. He told me it was the well to his land. I looked to the side and saw something that resembled a holding tank and said, “That must be the well”. 

The man left for a while. He was handling his family and their expectations of him. I sensed the karmic energy of his link with them and knew he was struggling, caught between what he wanted and his desire to do what they wanted. It was clear I had a strong and very deep connection to him and obvious that we were romantically involved. I could feel magnetic pull to him and I knew he felt it, too. My whole body and soul lit up when we were together and even when we weren’t I could feel it. I remember thinking to myself, “But he’s 15 years younger than me.” I didn’t agonize over this fact, it was just a thought as if I was responding to information being given to me. I do believe I was being given pertinent information about my future.

I remained there, sitting on the trailer, waiting for him, caught up in thoughts about our connection and the information I was receiving about what it entailed. Like with other men I have had this kind of connection with, I could almost taste his energy and via that perception was able to sense what he was like and how his past incarnations weaved together to form the tapestry that is his unique energetic signature. His energy felt childlike and innocent with a hints of adventure and curiosity blended with wisdom he had yet to tap into in this lifetime. I could see what his physical body looked like in this lifetime, too, but my memory of that is muddled now. All I know is he is white, tall, with a somewhat muscular physique and his light color hair. What I saw, felt and “tasted” was extremely attractive to me.

When he returned he was not wearing a shirt and I could not help but reach over and touch his chest, tracing my fingers lightly over it. We melted into each other and eagerly became lost in the spectacular ecstasy of our combined energy. He was preoccupied with his family dramas and I could sense this but he did not let it interfere with us. 

When he finally pulled away, I asked him where his shirt was. He picked up a filing cabinet and began to search through it. I thought, “That’s an odd place for a shirt”. There appeared to be nothing in its accordion sections but he found something. He pulled out two papers and laid them on the trailer in front of me. I glanced down at them. One looked like blueprints, the other…possibly a contract?  

Again, unable to resist each other, we began kissing, this time we ended up on the ground below the trailer. I could feel the blades of grass poking me as I melted into him. This went on for a short time but his family responsibilities interrupted and he had to go again, but this time his absence was brief.

When he returned, I was standing at the end of the trailer. He greeted me with a kiss and, again, the energy washed over me, this time pulsating to an intensity that I could not resist. Breathless, I told him, if this continued I would not be able to stop myself. I don’t think he cared because he did not pull away. I woke with the energy rising in my sleep body from root to crown. It stopped around my solar plexus and then ping-ponged between my three lower chakras for some time.

I couldn’t return to sleep because the dream felt so real and the energy spiked when I thought about the man. I questioned if this man was real and if I was being shown a future meeting. If so, I said to my guides, “Bring it on!” I felt a warning from them. I knew it was related to the karma this man was here to resolve. Sigh. Why does everything have to be so complicated? 

by

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I wanted to come on here and post an update because it has been a while since my last post. So much has happened and there is so much I have not mentioned even when I have found the time to post!

First off, I mentioned last year (November?) that I was contemplating getting lens replacement surgery yet I never followed up. Ha! I DID have the surgery and it was THE BEST decision! Not only is my vision corrected for both near and far vision (and in-between), but my dry eye has improved because the doctor at my follow-up prescribed me with a drop that helps my eyes create more tears. I still have dry eye symptoms on and off, especially when I skip my twice daily allergy drops, but overall I would now classify my dry eye as moderate to mild. Yay! And my vision is superb. I have a multi-focal lens INSIDE each eye that gives me three prescriptions. I can see up close ya’ll and my vision is better than 20-20. How I forgot to mentioned the surgery is beyond me. I guess I just….forgot. So if you wondered? There you go.

Lots of happening at the cabin, too. I hired a crew to install goat fencing around the perimeter and also up and down the road and around the house. My cousin said I could have some of her new young goats so once I get a small barn built for them I will have about 5-8 goats. I want all females so I don’t have to deal with kids or a stinky billy. I have already hired the guy who built my fence to build the barn and he will also make improvements on my existing chicken coop so I can get some chickens (no rooster). And who knows, maybe I will get some other kinds of animals, too.

My brother recently moved into my garage bedroom. He is renting it from me for the cost of utilities and has agreed to help me with upkeep like mowing and feeding/tending animals once I get them. He plans to attend college using his GI Bill. It has been nice to have him around. We work out together and he has “hired” me to be his personal trainer. 🙂

I recently invited my sister and nephew out for a visit. I had to pick her up (they live 20 miles from me) but it was worth it. She is going on a month sober and is struggling with handling the rollercoaster of emotions sobriety brings. It was nice to catch up and her son enjoyed a visit with his cousins. I took them to buy groceries on the trip back to her place because they lost their food stamps recently. She still qualifies but they didn’t realize they had to reapply and so they were dropped which didn’t work out in their favor. Hopefully they get that sorted soon. I do plan more visits with her this summer. Hopefully she remains sober and can rebuild her life.

My school counseling position lost its allocation and, though my contract was renewed, the district put me in a Title 1 school that was not in the most ideal location. I had already planned to resign so when I was reassigned I did. I am currently looking for part-time, remote work, but am being extremely selective. My apartment lease comes up for renewal in October but I do not want to renew. I really dislike apartment living and now that my daughter has graduated and will be going to college in the Fall, I don’t need it. If something happens to come up between now and October that changes my mind, then so be it, but for now my plan is to live in my country home full-time.

I have not had much time to invest in the spiritual but it is still a goal of mine to return to the Work. Interestingly, I gave an impromptu mediumship reading to the fence contractor at the end of April. The way it came about was perfect synchronicity. On the walk of the property to determine the fence line, the contractor saw a coyote. I didn’t see it so I laughed and said, “Oh, it’s a sign meant just for you. Coyote is the trickster.” He asked what that meant and I said, “That things are not as they seem”. On a second walk a few weeks later he brought up the coyote and told me, “You were right. Things were not as they seemed. We had just found out my wife was pregnant. She recently lost the baby, though.” As we talked more I revealed to him my spiritual gifts and we parted ways for the afternoon. As he was leaving he sat me down and asked for a reading. I spent about an hour with him and it turned out well I think. It had been a long time for me, so I was rusty, but all in all I was pleased as was he.

Finally, I have had multiple encounters with turtles. Last year it was snakes, so the message has shifted from transformation to perseverance. Turtle asks us to be patient, stay grounded, stay the course, set firm boundaries, and navigate emotion with ease and honesty. Turtle reminds us we are protected and loved. Slow and steady wins the race.

There were two large turtle encounters one day apart. The first was with a common snapping turtle. The second was a soft-shelled turtle. I actually saw the second three days in a row after the first encounter. Finally, my brother found a small red-eared snapper shell in the mud that I am going to clean up for display.

Common Snapping Turtle
Soft-Shelled Turtle