Category Archives: Messages

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Pre-Eclipse Dream About Acceptance

The eclipse energies are coming in and I can feel them. For me, it seems the energy amplifies something I’ve already been experiencing lately. It is a feeling of two distinct me’s, one that is ready to take on the world and another who wants to withdraw and retreat. Another thing the eclipse energy is doing is showing me that it is time to start moving away from reliance upon others for my financial and material needs and begin relying on myself. 

Dream: Growth

This dream came early this morning. In the dream I was in the 1800’s. It reminded me of the show Outlander. My ex in this life was my husband in the dream. Where we lived was a nicer house that was dank and gray inside, so perhaps a castle-like structure. We had children and I spent much of my day to day tending to them and the house. I remember my ex was very involved in the community. It was a small community and everyone knew everyone. As the children grew my ex became more and more distant, busier with his duties and other community involvements, leaving me alone most of the time. We had two boys who grew strong and I was very proud of them. 

While I watched my children grow and change, turning into strong and capable men, I saw myself grow older, frailer and smaller. I saw the contrast of how growth and change occurred. For me, it was slower, harder to detect. For my boys it was easy to see. But what about growth and change one cannot see on the outside? I felt I had grown so much, maybe even more than my boys. So why did no one notice? Because it was not obvious like it is when one grows into an adult. And while I was growing inside, on the outside I seemed to be stagnating; withering away. Yet for the boys, growth on the outside mirrored the growth on the inside. This realization saddened me.

One day I returned from town and found my ex holding up a wall against some invaders. He planned to drop it on them and crush them all. Our boys were behind the wall with him. I put up my hand to try and stop him and he laughed at me, commenting on my big heart and how I tried to save everyone. He told me I would not be able to save these people and began to move in a way suggesting a poor outcome for the people. I somehow managed to get him to let me get my bag which was behind the wall with him. Inside the bag were medicines that could heal. I hurried behind the wall, grabbed my bag and stepped away. In that instant my husband had made a decision. He chose to reject me and selected another wife, discarding me like a piece of food scrap. What was worse was that no one cared. Everyone in the community followed his lead and not one person seemed to notice I was gone. I despaired because I knew this was the end for me. No one would come to my rescue and I would be alone until the end of my days.

At the end of the dream, I stood on the edge of a cliff facing the turbulent and dark waters of the ocean below. The sky was gray and the landscape dreary. The wind whistled and howled. At the same time in my memory I saw those same waters calm and inviting. I could see the greenery of the land around and it felt peaceful and inviting. The stark contrast of the two tore at my heart.

Realization

I woke in tears as the realization of all the dream represented hit me full force. The most unfair part was how no one could see how much I had grown. All they could see was what I presented to them via my physical form and actions. They did not have access to my internal world, to the wins and loses, the difficult decisions that tore at my heart or the reasons behind my actions. They formed opinions quickly, believing what their physical eyes saw, and discarded any evidence to the contrary. It saddened me that my children would have to endure this, also. It saddened me that no one, not even my own mother, really knew who I was. It saddened me that I will never fully be known as long as I am in this physical form. That is all I have ever really wanted and it is not meant to be. Not in this place.

I also cried because I felt the part of the dream where I knew I would be alone until this life ended was true. I need to accept that the possibility is high that I will never love, never feel chosen, never have closeness, never feel vulnerable again. This was it and there was no point in wasting my time reminiscing about what was or what could have been or despairing about what will never be. Acceptance is paramount. 

My thoughts centered on how hard I have tried in this life to show others who I am. I have, up until this point in my life, performed how others wanted me to. All this was done out of a desire to be known, to be seen, to be validated. The dream revealed this was and never will be a means to that end.

Of course my guidance came through full force reminding me that all is not lost and asking me to look within at my truth. Acceptance was encouraged. Acceptance doesn’t mean all is futile. Acceptance means understanding that my strategy was wrong. Acceptance guides me towards reevaluation. Acceptance leads to a lesson learned, not failure. 

Ultimately what transforms (growth) on the inside shines through on the outside. 

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Another House and Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract

My life direction continues to evolve as I allow the Universe to guide me on my intended path. So much to relay, so I will try to keep it short.

A little over a week ago now, I decided to meditate mid-afternoon. I was on day three of a cold and the previous two days had zapped my energy. Not surprisingly, I must have drifted off during my meditation. When I awoke, I had a solution to an on-going problem I was having with my ex.

The problem: My ex had been refusing to discuss altering the visitation schedule so that I could live full-time in my country home. With my apartment lease expiring in 60 days, I had to decide what to do. Renewing the lease felt wrong and I really, really wanted to have only one residence. However, my intuition kept nudging me to look at alternatives. Where in the past I would dig my heels in when it came to dealing with my ex, the anger had dissipated and I had shifted towards being more amicable and understanding of his circumstances. Still, I was accepting that I would just have to deal with the inevitability of another mediation once I started living full-time and could no longer follow the visitation schedule.

The solution: Upon waking, I had an idea to look at houses for sale in the school zone where my children attend school. When I saw the prices and the houses I knew I was going to buy a house. So the solution was buy a house, keep the schedule as is, and invest my money rather than see it go to rent month after month.

Honestly, this was not part of my original plan in any way, shape or form. I don’t like the suburbs, right? Well, I still did it and it was like a tidal wave of energy just flowed through me in that direction. I contacted a realtor that day and looked at houses the next. I found several in my price range, and made an offer last Thursday. Friday it was accepted as is, no changes. I close next Friday. Yeah, a two week closing. That is how it goes when you don’t go through a bank/need a mortgage.

So, soon I will own a nice, older home on almost a quarter acre of land in my sons’ school zone and within walking distance from my apartment and their father’s home.

I’ll share pics of the little house after closing. It is only 1038 sq ft. I like small, less to clean and I am closer to my boys, not spread across so much of a house that I forget they are there. I’ve enjoyed the smaller floorplan of my country home and the apartment and wanted the house to have that same feeling.

Onto the next surprise. I’ve been off all but one prescription and hormonal medicines for a month now. My sleep cycle has been hellish and I was tired of trying to figure out which pills to take to sleep night after night. At my last appointment I told my NP I wanted off all hormones and begged her for something to help me sleep, not a combination of somethings, one thing. I got a prescription for a low dose tricyclic antidepressant called Doxepin that when taken at low levels (10mg) acts like an antihistamine. Well, it worked and it is still working, night after night. I get a full 8 hours (sometimes more) of sleep every night. Hallelujah! And feel rested and have dreams and feel wonderful in the morning. And on the hormone side, well seems I am nowhere near menopause. My body thinks it is 30. No tiredness, no hot flashes (never had then to begin with), no brain fog, no aches and pains. I am in shock. I thought for sure I would be done by now. lol

With the kind of sleep I’ve been getting, my body has caught up I guess because now the dreams are returning and as vivid as ever. Last night I got a whammy of a dream, not something I’ve had in a long while.

Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract?

The dream began with me visiting what seemed like the HEB in a nearby town but it was empty like a warehouse and had no markings on it whatsoever. I was with some people but do not recall what they looked like or how many there were. We went into the covered area near the main entrance but did not go inside. Instead, we stood just outside. While there I believe I was told about a family who was from the area. I remember a mother telling her son to do things, like she was really controlling or maybe just very strict. There was a mistake made and a ton of educational booklets with the face of a child on the front were strewn all over the loading dock. The mom was upset and yelled.

I don’t know what transpired after that because I seemed to shift to another scene. I was above a road that looked like an old country road. All around was countryside consisting of fields dotted with trees. I believe I was with the son of the woman from before in the dream. We were discussing his life and he was telling me about land his family owned. I could hear someone else remind him that he had land, also. It felt like we were traveling to this land. The man asked me what kind of land I liked, and I said I liked land dotted with trees. 

We landed in this very old town, if you could even call it that. There were old, gray and dilapidated buildings scattered along a very unkept paved road. I don’t think many people lived there, if any. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to live here”. The place was not pleasant and I sensed that all the people who lived there were in everyone else’s business all the time and quite judgmental. 

At the end of the road the man and I stopped at a flatbed trailer that was not hitched to a truck. I could see we were at a high point and below us was a beautiful valley but it was far in the distance. We sat on the edge of it together and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe in his arms and melted into him. He bent down and kissed me and an intense, pleasurable energy hit me in the root and shot straight up to my crown. We lingered there exchanging soft kisses, caught up in our combined energy. 

He stood up and began pacing around. In the road below, the ground was broken wide open. I looked down and saw what appeared to be a red water pump. He told me it was the well to his land. I looked to the side and saw something that resembled a holding tank and said, “That must be the well”. 

The man left for a while. He was handling his family and their expectations of him. I sensed the karmic energy of his link with them and knew he was struggling, caught between what he wanted and his desire to do what they wanted. It was clear I had a strong and very deep connection to him and obvious that we were romantically involved. I could feel magnetic pull to him and I knew he felt it, too. My whole body and soul lit up when we were together and even when we weren’t I could feel it. I remember thinking to myself, “But he’s 15 years younger than me.” I didn’t agonize over this fact, it was just a thought as if I was responding to information being given to me. I do believe I was being given pertinent information about my future.

I remained there, sitting on the trailer, waiting for him, caught up in thoughts about our connection and the information I was receiving about what it entailed. Like with other men I have had this kind of connection with, I could almost taste his energy and via that perception was able to sense what he was like and how his past incarnations weaved together to form the tapestry that is his unique energetic signature. His energy felt childlike and innocent with a hints of adventure and curiosity blended with wisdom he had yet to tap into in this lifetime. I could see what his physical body looked like in this lifetime, too, but my memory of that is muddled now. All I know is he is white, tall, with a somewhat muscular physique and his light color hair. What I saw, felt and “tasted” was extremely attractive to me.

When he returned he was not wearing a shirt and I could not help but reach over and touch his chest, tracing my fingers lightly over it. We melted into each other and eagerly became lost in the spectacular ecstasy of our combined energy. He was preoccupied with his family dramas and I could sense this but he did not let it interfere with us. 

When he finally pulled away, I asked him where his shirt was. He picked up a filing cabinet and began to search through it. I thought, “That’s an odd place for a shirt”. There appeared to be nothing in its accordion sections but he found something. He pulled out two papers and laid them on the trailer in front of me. I glanced down at them. One looked like blueprints, the other…possibly a contract?  

Again, unable to resist each other, we began kissing, this time we ended up on the ground below the trailer. I could feel the blades of grass poking me as I melted into him. This went on for a short time but his family responsibilities interrupted and he had to go again, but this time his absence was brief.

When he returned, I was standing at the end of the trailer. He greeted me with a kiss and, again, the energy washed over me, this time pulsating to an intensity that I could not resist. Breathless, I told him, if this continued I would not be able to stop myself. I don’t think he cared because he did not pull away. I woke with the energy rising in my sleep body from root to crown. It stopped around my solar plexus and then ping-ponged between my three lower chakras for some time.

I couldn’t return to sleep because the dream felt so real and the energy spiked when I thought about the man. I questioned if this man was real and if I was being shown a future meeting. If so, I said to my guides, “Bring it on!” I felt a warning from them. I knew it was related to the karma this man was here to resolve. Sigh. Why does everything have to be so complicated? 

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Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I wanted to come on here and post an update because it has been a while since my last post. So much has happened and there is so much I have not mentioned even when I have found the time to post!

First off, I mentioned last year (November?) that I was contemplating getting lens replacement surgery yet I never followed up. Ha! I DID have the surgery and it was THE BEST decision! Not only is my vision corrected for both near and far vision (and in-between), but my dry eye has improved because the doctor at my follow-up prescribed me with a drop that helps my eyes create more tears. I still have dry eye symptoms on and off, especially when I skip my twice daily allergy drops, but overall I would now classify my dry eye as moderate to mild. Yay! And my vision is superb. I have a multi-focal lens INSIDE each eye that gives me three prescriptions. I can see up close ya’ll and my vision is better than 20-20. How I forgot to mentioned the surgery is beyond me. I guess I just….forgot. So if you wondered? There you go.

Lots of happening at the cabin, too. I hired a crew to install goat fencing around the perimeter and also up and down the road and around the house. My cousin said I could have some of her new young goats so once I get a small barn built for them I will have about 5-8 goats. I want all females so I don’t have to deal with kids or a stinky billy. I have already hired the guy who built my fence to build the barn and he will also make improvements on my existing chicken coop so I can get some chickens (no rooster). And who knows, maybe I will get some other kinds of animals, too.

My brother recently moved into my garage bedroom. He is renting it from me for the cost of utilities and has agreed to help me with upkeep like mowing and feeding/tending animals once I get them. He plans to attend college using his GI Bill. It has been nice to have him around. We work out together and he has “hired” me to be his personal trainer. 🙂

I recently invited my sister and nephew out for a visit. I had to pick her up (they live 20 miles from me) but it was worth it. She is going on a month sober and is struggling with handling the rollercoaster of emotions sobriety brings. It was nice to catch up and her son enjoyed a visit with his cousins. I took them to buy groceries on the trip back to her place because they lost their food stamps recently. She still qualifies but they didn’t realize they had to reapply and so they were dropped which didn’t work out in their favor. Hopefully they get that sorted soon. I do plan more visits with her this summer. Hopefully she remains sober and can rebuild her life.

My school counseling position lost its allocation and, though my contract was renewed, the district put me in a Title 1 school that was not in the most ideal location. I had already planned to resign so when I was reassigned I did. I am currently looking for part-time, remote work, but am being extremely selective. My apartment lease comes up for renewal in October but I do not want to renew. I really dislike apartment living and now that my daughter has graduated and will be going to college in the Fall, I don’t need it. If something happens to come up between now and October that changes my mind, then so be it, but for now my plan is to live in my country home full-time.

I have not had much time to invest in the spiritual but it is still a goal of mine to return to the Work. Interestingly, I gave an impromptu mediumship reading to the fence contractor at the end of April. The way it came about was perfect synchronicity. On the walk of the property to determine the fence line, the contractor saw a coyote. I didn’t see it so I laughed and said, “Oh, it’s a sign meant just for you. Coyote is the trickster.” He asked what that meant and I said, “That things are not as they seem”. On a second walk a few weeks later he brought up the coyote and told me, “You were right. Things were not as they seemed. We had just found out my wife was pregnant. She recently lost the baby, though.” As we talked more I revealed to him my spiritual gifts and we parted ways for the afternoon. As he was leaving he sat me down and asked for a reading. I spent about an hour with him and it turned out well I think. It had been a long time for me, so I was rusty, but all in all I was pleased as was he.

Finally, I have had multiple encounters with turtles. Last year it was snakes, so the message has shifted from transformation to perseverance. Turtle asks us to be patient, stay grounded, stay the course, set firm boundaries, and navigate emotion with ease and honesty. Turtle reminds us we are protected and loved. Slow and steady wins the race.

There were two large turtle encounters one day apart. The first was with a common snapping turtle. The second was a soft-shelled turtle. I actually saw the second three days in a row after the first encounter. Finally, my brother found a small red-eared snapper shell in the mud that I am going to clean up for display.

Common Snapping Turtle
Soft-Shelled Turtle
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Epiphanies and Visits from the Past

On my drive to my cabin, as seems to be common lately, I had many epiphanies. First, earlier that morning, I realized some things about my relationship to my ex. I saw how we both entered into the relationship with good intentions and was able to see with clarity why I chose the paths I chose. I was able to look at both myself and my ex with great compassion and love. The feeling of it was relief and acceptance. Contemplating it further triggered some memories on my drive of my earlier life and the decisions I made. I saw myself doing the best I could with the limited memory and experience I had. I saw how my decisions and experiences created the person I am today – a tapestry of a life story nearly complete. I saw it – ME – as a beautiful masterpiece of compounded experience. I began to cry at the Knowing that I loved myself, even the past version who I have often been so critical of. When I had this thought, and while crying happy tears, my guidance asked, “Can you forgive yourself for what you didn’t know?” I knew I had. 

We come here into this physical experience without any memory of who we are. We do this purposefully. I could see how I, as the creator of this life, purposefully scripted the experiences to create the person I am today. One thing I saw especially was how, currently, I am counseling young people and learning how to be patient and loving as I guide them to make better decisions and navigate their problems. In doing this, I am also learning how to be patient and kind with myself, specifically the parts I feel “should’ve known better”. Should I have? Perhaps the lack of knowing in that past version of me was purposeful so that I would make decisions that would teach me and shape me into who I am today? I know it was! So, in seeing this, how can I blame myself for not-Knowing? I was – and still am – but a child of the Universe. In that moment I was able to see myself as my guides see me. You cannot force a person to listen, you cannot force them to accept something they are not ready to accept. My guidance offered their help, their support and their guidance. It was up to me to take it. I chose, more often than not, to “do it myself” (sound familiar?) and they let me. They were patient and loving with me, always there if I needed them, watching and nudging me along much like parents do with their small children or, even, as I have been doing with my own children and the children I counsel as part of my current job.

Visits from Old Friends

Last night while meditating a friend from the past visited me. She passed away a while ago from cancerI knew her only briefly. She was one of the first people I gave a mediumship reading to when I began exploring my abilities so many years ago. I almost missed her altogether, though. A fleeting image and memory of her floated almost indetectable through my mind. I saw it and recognized how out of place it was with the rest of the random thoughts and images floating across my mind. I knew it was more than a memory, it was my old friend stopping by for a visit. Of course, I could not remember her name and was a bit flustered by that. She didn’t mind. I asked her why she was there and she said to say hello. She told me she had been following my life, watching me and keeping tabs. I was surprised because we had known each other so briefly. I got a sense from her that in Spirit she and I know each other much more intimately than we ever did in life. She thanked me for helping her, saying I saw her illness and showing me how, during an aura scan, I noticed the blockage. I apologized because I didn’t remember (I don’t typically recall the specifics of readings I do). She told me she was returning the favor. I remembered her name and a flood of memory returned to me. I began to cry. In life she was beautiful, but in death she was glowing. I asked her about her son, her family, she said, “They are alright” seeming not to want to deter from the main reason for her visit. It was clear she was not there to pass a message on to them. She was there for me. 

As we talked, I told her, “I wish I was where you are.” She said, “Oh no! You stay. You’re amazing”. Telepathically she explain my Light is needed here. I also remember her saying, “You need a hug.” This made me cry and, as I felt the emotion rising, told her to stop. I immediately wished I hadn’t but she understood and I was reminded how I asked my father to do the same when he would visit me. It is because I feel so loved and don’t feel worthy of that love. As she left I heard very clearly, “Lilac”. I didn’t see one in my mind but I heard it. Then she said, “Look it up”. I knew she meant the symbolism of it. I thanked her.

A short while later, after looking up lilac symbolism, I felt a rush of warmth envelop me. It was the hug my friend had told me I needed. I sobbed. My friend was back but she was with others. Some familiar faces came to mind. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to them all. I knew they were there for support. They had said as much on another solo trip to my cabin. I didn’t fully comprehend what it meant then. I was too caught up in the chaos of my life to really put any attention on it. 

Recently an online friend of mine passed away. When I found out I was shocked and very suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and love I didn’t know was there. I began to cry and felt him close, a big smile on his face. I apologized for not reaching out to him more, specifically when he got married or when he sent me messages on IG. I was just too caught up in myself, in the chaos of my life. He immediately waved it off with a smile. I knew, somehow, similar to me and the friend I wrote about above, he and I were connected in Spirit in ways I never realized in this life. As he turned to leave, golden light surrounding him, he waved a white handkerchief, as if to say, “Surrender!” I believe now that it was a message to me. Surrender. Stop fighting what you know to be true and embrace your purpose.

And then, well, there is Steven. My Companion Traveler. My main guide. He is here. He is observing, watching, but when I called for him, after years of no contact (seemingly), he came. Of course, I cried a bit, but his Light immediately reassured me. We may not hear or see our guide/guardian angel, but they are ALWAYS there. Seeing him indicates a Shift for me. It is likely much more than that, but for now I am just happy to have had a visit from him again. It has been too long!

Something truly magical is happening now. I feel it and I am overcome with gratitude and love for my life, even the parts that hurt. Each day I make a point to choose joy and gratitude. I am observing my thoughts, actions and tendencies, without judgement. Lovingly acknowledging what no longer serves me and choosing what does. I’ve not perfected it but how I feel day-to-day has shifted. As a result I am sleeping better and my blood pressure is going down (yay!). 

Please check out this book if you want to change, I mean REALLY change: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It has been what has helped me take years of lessons and Knowing and put it to use. It really is as simple as changing your mind.

FYI – I have updated my About and Services pages on my Daynaspirit.com website. I have also updated this blog so that there will be no more pesky advertisements. 🙂 Slowly but surely I am stepping into the life I want. I hope you will join me! So many possibilities!

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Recall: A Goal of My Higher Self

2/10/26 

My mind was oddly blank. I heard, “So what is next?” I answered, “I guess it’s time to find another man.” This really made feel deflated inside because there was a Knowing I planned it that way. I wondered why I couldn’t be more self-sufficient or Self-motivated – pave my own distinctive path? Unexpectedly I heard myself say, “That is why I chose to be female because it makes it easier to be passive when I tend to want to dominate”. 

It felt so True when I said it to myself and I Know it is exactly why I chose a female form. I remember the reality of being female hitting me around age 10 when my breasts started forming. I really dreaded becoming a woman. Back then I thought it was just because of how  women are treated, but it was more that it had to do with the position it put me in and its overreaching purpose in my life.

Funny but being passive does not seem easier at first but there is Knowing that if I had been male my goal would’ve been extremely difficult to achieve. 

Is this what I am here to learn? How to gracefully allow others to shine while I bow out? I see a visual of me bowing and motioning away from myself as if to say, “Your turn”, acknowledging that others are as worthy as I am rather than stealing the spotlight and accolades for myself.

Is it possible that I am here to build up others instead of myself and in doing so learn the value in doing so? To be an unseen hero in the lives of those I’ve overpowered or stomped out in previous incarnations?

If so, then I have failed in doing so for those closest to me and for that I am truly sorry. 

Motherhood most definitely assists me in that goal at least! And being a Projector has also! Oh damn!! I can see how I planned these aspects of my chart to complement my goals. 

It is clear to me this goal is part of an overall plan of many lifetimes to work on my character. It is specifically to “even it out” so as to not be more dominant or more passive but somewhere in the middle. I have tended towards a more dominant nature and would like to “correct” that about myself. As I type this an analogy comes to mind. It is like perfecting a “recipe”, adding and taking away ingredients and doing taste tests along the way until the final dish tastes exactly right. It is truly about my own goals to perfect myself based upon what I view as perfect. I can also see how very slow the progress has to be. It is not all done in one lifetime but over the course of many. I don’t know exactly how many. I believe I have already lived quite a few with this goal in mind because I have recollection of them. If I were to try to force too much character change into one lifetime it would backfire.

I wish I could relay how truly amazing it was to recall this about myself. Now, as I type it out nearly 24hrs later, it seems almost pointless to document.

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Dreams: Prison Visit and New Position

Went to bed asking for healing of my second chakra since it was an area my guidance told me I should focus on. These are the dreams I had.

Prison Visit

I visited a jail. IDK if I was visiting a particular person or not but I do remember that I needed to use the restroom (seeking relief). So perhaps that was why I went? Anyway, inside there was a person who greeted me. I asked where the restroom was and was directed to the left, back of the space. I was in a hurry it seemed and rushed past a line of people checking into the prison. There were various types of people, young, old, male and female, standing in line wearing different types of clothing, some nice, some not so nice. Their faces were blank, eyes looking down at the floor or staring off into space. I walked past one younger guy who was more aware. He came up to me and told me he had pick pocketed me and showed me a tiny, golden bag tied with a ribbon (gift perhaps?). I took it and asked him how he got into my zipped purse. He just smiled at me mischievously. I looked inside to see if anything else was missing but couldn’t remember what all was inside. 

I left with my purse (self-worth, confidence) and went into the bathroom. Inside the toilets were exposed, no stalls. Each was clogged, some with toilet paper, others with tampons. I sat on a toilet clogged with tampons and relieved myself. The tampons were not soiled, which was odd. In fact, none of the toilets had anything gross in them, just white TP or tampons.

New Position (turns lucid)

I was with a group of people in a high class bar (meaningful transition). The lights were low, there were large mirrors on the walls and there was a golden hue to the space. Some well dressed men and women were with me who seemed to be guiding me. I had no idea where I was or what was going on. I felt out of place (unsure of path ahead) but kept getting reassured by the others. I was told I had a new position or job and sat down at a table across from a woman who seemed to know me. She began talking to me about technical things like computer programming (logical/technical). Instantly relieved I got into a conversation with her about it. This is when another woman approached and told me to come with her. I was going to leave to report to my new position. I went with the woman.

She took me to the car (life path), I got in and was on my way. I sat there looking out the window at the scenery as I drove. It was dark and the various lights from the city flew by so fast they appeared as streaks of blues, whites, reds and pinks. It was quite beautiful. After a while I became ultra aware that I was in the driver’s seat. I wasn’t driving, though. The steering wheel was moving on its own. Now lucid from the realization of my situation, I felt a bit of panic mixed with excitement. I looked up at the roof of the car considering flying up and out to go explore thinking, “I should get out of here” because I didn’t know if the car was safe. A feeling inside me stopped me as if saying, “No stay and observe.” I paused. I wondered, “Is this a self-driving car?” So I watched to see what would happen. The car was on a road traveling along it perfectly. I watched as the wheel moved appropriately with the road and felt the car’s speed fluctuate as needed. I relaxed, intrigued and curious, enjoying the ride. Then, out of nowhere an object came out from the edge of the road into the path of the car. The car hit it. I saw it as it hit the windshield. It was a large, stuffed objected resembling a Weeble Wobble toy. Honestly, looking back, it was quite funny, but in the dream I thought, “Was that a person?”. The car didn’t deviate from its path nor did it brake or suffer any damage. I noted it as evidence that I would be safe inside the traveling vehicle no matter what obstacles came into the road/path. I knew the toy resembled an individual, not a specific one, just any individual, that crosses my path. I woke. 

Reflection

Both dreams feel positive. The prison one is a healing dream. I have dreamed of being inside a prison in the past many times. In fact, one of my Light Code Oracle cards named “Fear” is of the view from inside a prison looking out. I believe the dream is showing me I am no longer a prisoner. I am given the gift of self-confidence (purse) and leave the prison with it. 

The second dream is reassuring me that my new path is one I have knowledge of and am prepared for. The car portion is further reassurance by actually showing me what this looks like/means. It reminds me of Human Design because in it the body is described as the vehicle and you are suppose to allow the higher self (magnetic monopole) to drive and just be an observer. As long as you listen to your strategy and authority (let the higher self drive) then you will be safe and stay on your path. 

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Solstice Ritual

Happy 2026! Wishing you all the best for the year ahead.

I did a solstice ritual this year starting on the 21st of December and ending yesterday. I wrote 13 intentions for the new year, folded them and put them in a bowl. Each night I burned one without reading it. In doing so I put my trust in the Universe that the intention will be and I do not have to do anything but accept what the Universe provides. The last day, yesterday, I unfolded the final intention. This will be the intention for 2025 that requires my conscious participation, steady effort, honesty and follow-through. One where I do my work and the Universe meets me halfway. That intention is: “My work brings me fulfillment and success.” 

I actually don’t like the intention because I struggle when it comes to work and really have no idea what will bring me success and fulfillment. In fact, I was just dreading returning to work on Monday. I am finding my job just so-so and the interaction with others at my workplace typical of my past experiences. People are limited in what they are willing to talk about and confront and I have already noticed I say too much, making them uncomfortable and avoidant. Usually it is when I open up about myself that they withdraw. If I stick to only pleasantries, remaining on surface level info about myself, they remain at ease but only then. I have only encountered one woman who was willing to go deeper with me and she was much older than the rest. She remained comfortable and receptive but the group was not and so she ended up having to cut her own comments short in order to put them at ease. The message is loud and clear  – Don’t reveal too much, stay quiet, let others talk. This has always been my experience in life, even outside of work, so I don’t know why I keep butting my head against that wall. It is always an accident but by the time I realize I have said too much, it is already too late. Most people do not want to confront things in their life and me bringing up anything beyond surface level scares them. They wonder what I might know, at a subconscious level, and see me as a threat and retreat. I know this about myself. It is part of my gift but it is also my curse. 

Coincidentally, before I opened the intention last night I had a consideration during the day that helped me shift my perception. I had watched a Buddhist video about worry and the teacher suggested that rather than worry about what might go wrong why not worry about what might go right? This stuck with me I guess because the video was one among many others and I thought I had long forgotten it. However, that is what I did without even thinking. I considered work and rather than dread it I thought, “What if something amazing happens? What if I am acknowledged, validated and celebrated? What if I end up looking forward to work?” With that I relaxed and my entire day shifted. I remember my purpose for the job was not to make money but to help. All I need to do is to remind myself of that purpose each day and feel the excitement that comes with the consideration that maybe, just maybe, I will surprise myself.

I am reminded of my first teaching job in a public school in Texas. I was teaching psychology and I looked forward to going to work. When I consider what I would like from a job I always think back to that one. It is the only time in my life I looked forward to going to work. When I have considered why that is, I realized that with that job there were certain beliefs I held that created a positive experience for me: 1. I was grateful for the opportunity. 2. The subject matter was one I was fascinated with. 3. I felt genuine love and interest in my students. and 4. I was optimistic about my impact on my students (wanted to help them).

So far I have at least two with this job. I am grateful and I feel genuine love and interest in my students. The others are there but I have had so many losses with them that I have given up or lost the belief that they are even possible. I am not very interested in the subject matter I am “teaching” (meaning counseling). I find myself bored with the problems the children bring to me to help them solve. They are so trivial. I have also lost the desire to help and feel any impact I have will be minimal.

Therefore, I need to work on my cynicism and automatic judgements of others. I need to stop taking the responses I see in the adults I work with personally. They are not reacting to me, they are reacting to what my energy shows them about themselves. It isn’t personal. Similarly, I feel unmotivated to help as I have had so many losses. I think for this one I need to broaden my definition of what it means to help. As my guides have reminded me of many times, “help” comes in many forms. It is not all rainbows and butterflies. Help is individual to the person and their lessons in life. Sometimes help is conflict that needs resolution. Just my energy helps by making others uncomfortable. That discomfort can be a spark that lights a fire of awareness inside them. 

My plan is to continue to remind myself of my purpose for being there – to help. It is also to remember/trust that the Universe put me there for a reason. It is not for me to decide whether I helped or not based upon my human definitions and beliefs relating to help. I need to take my Ego out of it. The search for validation stems from pride, wanting to be acknowledged and valued, etc. If I am seeking external acknowledgment and validation as proof I helped, I will be disappointed and feel like a failure.

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Dreams: Brain Surgery, Snake in Bedroom and Walk-Out

Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Mine went well. I slept wonderfully on Christmas Eve, something that has not happened in – well IDK how long. 

Been having lots of dreams lately. Going to document them here.

Brain Surgery

Dreamed I was getting a surgery on my head. I don’t recall the actual surgery, just brief moments where there was concern and then I was being told I had surgery. This part of the dream is hazy and it felt like I was male for some reason.

Then I was in a car with several others. It felt like we were all driving, squished up into the driver’s seat. I remember my perceptions were skewed. There were bright colors and streaks around me where the scenery should have been. I was screaming to the others, “I only have five years left to live.” The feeling was that the surgery was for something bad like cancer and though it helped me, it left me changed and I would not last more than 5 years as a result. I didn’t feel this was bad in the dream. It was more like I was on a psychedelic dream ride and I didn’t care.

Snake in Bedroom

There was a large, gray snake in my bedroom. At first I just let it be because it was hiding underneath items and didn’t seem interested in bothering me. I was still cautious, though, and couldn’t sleep for worry it might make its way into my bed. So, I decided to find it to get it out of my space. I got down on my hands and knees and started looking around with my flashlight. I looked under the bed and saw a bright green lizard with cool colors and patterns on his crest. He was awesome looking. As I was getting my camera to take a picture the snake came out of nowhere and ate the lizard in one bite. I watched in horror as the snake consumed it and then stared at the snake who was practically immobilized by the lump of the undigested lizard. 

I left the room to search for someone to help me get rid of the snake. No one would help me despite me telling them it would be easy to get him since he had just eaten. My sister ended up being the only person to help me. I woke before we could extricate the snake. 

School Fundraiser Order

I was in an elementary school as the counselor. I walked along the halls and ended up running into a student who said they had money to order the fundraiser items (not sure what it was). I took them to a desk and sat down, searching through the material to get the information. I told him that I didn’t know if the deadline to order had passed or not. He had cash and I asked if he also had a check. He said yes and I took it and said if it was past the deadline I could return the check. As he was leaving I found the info and it said the money had to be received four weeks before Christmas. I told him he wouldn’t get his item until January. At this point he was annoyed and I think took back the check. I remember being focused on the calendar and seeing two weeks before the holiday and two weeks after as if it was significant.

Walk-Out

I was with a group on the set of a film or show of some kind. I was watching a scene unfold. A woman had been injured and was presumed dead. She was on the floor pretending to be dead as the others in the scene gathered around her. She moved her head slightly and this caught my attention. I thought, “She needs to stay still or they will know she’s not dead.” I remember looking at the background – the props, the lighting – and noting two, small, pebble sized, white blobs on the wall. One minute they had iridescent coloring and another it was gone. The room was sparsely furnished and for some reason I thought if us all as dolls and thought, “Barbie.” I wondered pondered on it, almost gaining lucidity, but then the woman playing dead moved her head even more, this time very obvious to everyone in the room. The script was interrupted and had to be altered. The others in the room played along and improvised and, before I knew it, everyone was in on it and the whole movie or whatever it was ended with everyone telling the audience it was all a show and seeming relieved it was over. I felt shocked in the dream, not believing everyone was doing this, but I went along with it because, what could I do? If they didn’t play their parts as scripted, I couldn’t play mine.

We walked outside, the energy high as everyone chattered about the improvised ending. It seemed like no big deal. I watched two women standing in discussion about their roles and interrupted. I think they were talking about dolls and again I thought “Barbie”. I mentioned how they needed to learn how to share their dolls and looked at the woman on the right. I asked, “Are you an only child?” She nodded she was. I said, “Then you especially need to learn how to share your toys.” 

Then I was approached by a woman who asked me who my favorite actor was. I said I didn’t have one initially but then said, “Trey”. In my mind a visual of a young, handsome, man came to mind. Then the man appeared and asked me to dance. I agreed and took his hand. As we danced I could feel our bodies pressing against one another. He was fully dressed but I seemed to be naked. I could feel him becoming aroused. The dream ended there.

The actor in the dream who I said I liked and called “Trey” was Paul Wesley. 

Interpretation

The brain surgery dream was on Christmas Eve. It feels like the dream was telling me that, in five years, I will have a completely changed perception. This could be that I am seeing things differently, as in spiritual sight, or perhaps a change in personality – or everything even. Brain surgery symbolizes big change to my mental state and how I think, feel and perceive. In the dream the brain surgery feels necessary, like a life saving surgery would be. That I have so many others in the driver’s seat seems to indicate I will have a lot of help during this time. So, 5 years from now I will be “dead”, meaning the Old me will be gone. Or I guess it could mean I am really dead but I highly doubt that.  

The snake in the bedroom is likely related to my research of late regarding the Year of the Snake. It doesn’t officially end until February and during this time, also a nine year, those of us experiencing this intense period of rebirth will be removing the last remnants of our old “skin”. It could be a powerfully transformative time if we properly prepare ourselves. As we move into the Year of the Horse, we will experience a void of sorts, a time of integration and seemingly slow progress. Then the acceleration begins in February (Feb tends to be a time of intensity for me) and we will be propelled into intense change and rebirth. 

In the dream I am uncomfortable with the snake being in my bedroom (private self, innermost thoughts, desires and emotions). It appears I am struggling with shedding the last vestiges of the Old and so the snake makes me feel uneasy but I tolerate it. The lizard is found as I attempt to remove the snake and then the snake eats it. Lizards represent the primordial Self and survival along with instinct and fear. The snake eats it and I decide I have to remove the snake once and for all. I find it interesting that the lizard is so pretty and I am fascinated with it in the dream. Perhaps I will come to terms with some instinctual urges and shed considerations regarding those? 

The school dream feels more like a consideration about receiving something, a gift perhaps or something purchased, after the holidays in mid-January. 

The final dream appears to be a recognition that at some point the script will not be followed. I end up following along because I realize my part must be altered as well. So the connection to the greater Collective comes up and is accepted. The part about Barbies is interesting as I see myself and others as a doll or toy, which is also like an actor only one that is manipulated by a higher force. Learning to share comes up and I wonder if this is me pointing out how sometimes we need help? The end about the favorite actor seems to distract me for a bit. It seems completely unrelated to the movie were were actors in. I am naked and unconcerned. Nakedness is vulnerability but I see it as a good thing in dreamtime because it indicates I am opening myself to others and  new experiences.

In case you are wondering, the actor I call “Trey” in the dream is Paul Wesley. 

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Lucid Dream: Trapped Under a House

Eventful morning.

Lucid Dream: Yard Work

I woke up around 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep because of thoughts about current life events. I asked for help from my guidance who told me, “Everything will be okay. You are loved.” I somehow fell asleep right after.

I found myself standing in the front yard of a house in a subdivision. A man was walking towards me wearing gardening attire. He had a shovel in his hands and was wearing work gloves and a hat (maintenance happening). He held up his hand calling to me. I waited as he drew closer. He asked me about my yard and I told him I didn’t care about it, it was no longer my problem. He was all smiles and motioned to a blower vent (need to vent?) on the roof saying it hadn’t been working. I went up to it. There were two large, aluminum vents hanging over the edge. I flipped a switch on it and it began to blow. I told him, “Looks like it’s working to me.” 

I went inside the house. It had familiar components to it but was not any home I’ve ever lived in. Everything had a golden hue to it. When I walked in I was in a living area. Directly in front of me was the kitchen and dining area with a large table. The man followed me in. He was talking about some plants in the yard, specifically mentioning large burs (life’s annoyances) that would grow on them. I told him he must have meant the plants that flowered and the burs were their seeds.

He asked me about my plans for the day. I walked towards the kitchen island as I mentioned something about being at the island. This is where I began to get lucid. I knew I was dreaming but did not interrupt the dream with a thought or consideration, just noted it and let the dream continue.

The man sat down and began talking, rambling really, about things I no longer recall. He sat at the table and I recognized him. He was my ex. His face was clear and bright. One by one my children came into the room and sat at the table. Somehow they always migrated towards us when we were together in the kitchen. He mentioned how he was planning on doing a painting that day and went on about it for some time. 

I stared at him as his words went in one ear and out the other. I recognized what was playing out. It was the same thing, time and time again throughout our marriage. He would wake early, excited for the day, and immediately ask me what I had planned. Before I could respond he would go into his own plans, usually something that did not involve me or the children. Some kind of project or work that he alone took pleasure in. He never once considered how his plans might impact mine, if I had any, which I rarely did. He never once considered how, when he filled up his weekend with plans that didn’t involve us, I had no other option but to be the caregiver, housemaid, cook, etc. If I had any plans, they had to involve the children. He left me no other choice. If I objected to his plans, citing how I needed a day off to do nothing, he would immediately dismiss it, saying his plans trumped my “no plan” because he had a plan. 

In the dream I decided I was not going to stand there and listen. I invited my youngest child to come with me outside. His hand in mine, we walked out the front door. It was bright outside. The lawn’s vivid green and the sky’s bright blue making the scene somewhat surreal. I asked him, “Do you want to fly with me?” He looked up at me and nodded he did. I noticed he was completely naked and approximately 2 years old. I leaped up into the air with him and hit a wall. Pushed back to the ground I laughed and he laughed with me. That is when I noticed a man walking towards us. He was dark haired and unfamiliar. He had a straight face but for some reason it felt like he came to take my son. I reach down and picked him up, never losing eye contact with the man. As I turned to leave, I was pulled into my sleeping body. 

I woke up and lingered in bed a while still heavy with sleep. I asked for another lucid dream. I fell into a dream almost immediately.

Lucid Dream: Trapped Under the House

This one was short because of how odd the scene was that I came into. I was back in the house. The golden color persisted. In front of me, laying naked (vulnerability) and wet (emotion) on the floor, was my ex. He was face down but had twisted his neck and torso so that he was looking at me. It looked like the house (life situation, self, family) had fallen on him (lost control). The wall was sitting on his back at chest level and he was flailing about with his arms trying to scoot himself out from under it. I asked him, “What are you doing? Why are you wet and…are you naked?” I thought about helping him and imagined going outside to pull him out by the legs. When I imagined this I thought of him being naked. As soon as I rejected the idea of confronting him naked I came back to my body.

A song was going through my head, these words specifically:

“All that we want, all that we need, they’re different things…”. This is from Non-Believer by London Grammar. The song explores the disconnect between desires and necessities in relationships. Highlighting confusion and disillusionment when what seems good isn’t actually what’s truly good for us.

I don’t know the meaning of the song for me. Was it about what my ex is experiencing since he was trapped under a house? Maybe. 

Short Dream/Vision

I fell asleep briefly and saw a person with my purse (self-worth, identity) standing at a windowed opening like what you would find at a front desk check-in. The person had my purse open and was picking out tiny colored pieces and sticking them together to make something. It reminded me of Legos. As I prepared to ask them what they were doing with my purse I woke up. 

Reflection

I believe the dreams provided insight as to work I’m doing in dreamtime. I believe the first ended prematurely because I was unwilling to go through something I had experienced time and time again in my relationship. Perhaps there was something I needed to realize but I never did because I left?

The second dream reminds me of the Wizard of Oz. It’s significant that the house had fallen on my ex and trapped him under it. Perhaps he feels trapped by his current situation in life? Or maybe the house is a reflection of me and I have him trapped somehow? Him being wet and naked indicates his current state. He is in an emotional situation both with his new girlfriend and in ending his relationship with me. I don’t think he has actually taken time to grieve it. He may feel vulnerable as a result. I opt not to help him, which is indicative of how I feel currently in regards to him. I wouldn’t help him if he asked because I know if I did he would try to manipulate me and pull me back into the mess I worked so hard to extricate myself from.

The last mini-dream is significant to me because it symbolizes the process of putting myself back together. I think the check-in window is also significant indicating a willingness to move forward.