Category Archives: kundalini

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Kundalini: The Work is Never Done

The cooler weather has hit Central Texas. That along with the earlier evenings as made sleep that much easier for me. My dreams brought more chakra activity and Kundalini realizations.

Dream

In this dream I was inside an RV or tiny home. The inside was very nicely done with light oak walls and floors. There was a man with me who I seemed to be in a romantic relationship with. He and I were standing in the kitchen. We were both smiling and laughing. Something about him made me feel young, vibrant and alive. He came close and put his hands on my hips, looking in my eyes and I responded by putting my hands on his shoulders and sliding them down to the front of his chest. His body felt younger than me and just touching him woke me up sexually. I explored his body with my hands and mentioned how much younger than me he felt to be. He leaned in and spoke in my ear saying he was worried I may get pregnant if we continued like we had been. I giggled and said, “I’m 50. I don’t think that is going to be an issue.” He kissed my neck and said “You can’t be much older than” and started listing ages, “29”…kiss…”35″…kiss. I laughed, enjoying the electric sensations each kiss sent up and down my body. I said, “There is still a chance but it is very low.”

The inside of the little house we were in seemed to get larger and I remember seeing that it had a steering wheel up front, so it was definitely an RV. The man I was with was up front and then came back to where I was in the kitchen area. He asked me if I would consider sharing him with another woman. In fact, it felt like he wanted me to join him with another woman – a threesome. While the electric energy between us was still present, ever inviting me into his arms, I hesitated. He leaned in and kissed me, encouraging me to agree. It was difficult but I told him, “I don’t want to share you with someone else.” His touch and kisses made it hard to stand my ground, but I did. I pulled away and told him I would not do it. It felt like, in that moment, I lost my chance with him because of my decision. I understood that he was fully sexually energized by our relationship and as such thought adding to that would be a good idea, but I knew it was not.

Interpretation

When I woke the Alan Walker song, “Alone” was going through my head. Specifically, “I know I’m not alone”. My second and third chakras were activated, also, especially the third chakra. I vaguely recall seeing water leaking out the back of the RV in the second dream. This water leakage was likely a flushing out of old, stagnant emotions and energy located in the second and third chakras. The RV is symbolic of my life journey and it’s clean and pristine condition is a positive sign. The man is likely my masculine side, showing me that my sexual and creative energies are still present no matter my age. This male part of me asked to share the energy with another which tested my boundaries. Normally I would agree in order to keep the peace and not lose the relationship but in the dream I stood my ground. So, all-in-all, the dream was meant to purge old, stagnant ideas, beliefs and emotion while helping me see that I have made great progress so far in this lifetime.

I also woke thinking of how I felt when I had my second K-connection. It was so amazing that I wanted to share it with as many people as I could. I wanted to become a “K-slut” for lack of a better description. It was short-lived but this dream reminded me of that feeling. My partner in the dream was activated and because of his newfound energy wanted to share it with more than one person. I know that such connections are sacred and to invite another into that energetic bond dilutes and corrupts it. Therefore, I stood my ground despite knowing it likely meant I would lose the relationship.

Kundalini Insight

I would describe the initial stages of my Kundalini journey as highly energetically charged and manic, characterized by extreme highs and lows. The highs were such that I lost sleep, felt restless and experienced surges of creative energy I could not contain. There were times I would just sit and cry in heaving sobs from the overwhelm and seeming inability to contain the Love and connection to All That Is. As a result, during those highs I looked to find ways to channel the Love and creative Source energy coursing through me. One such way was painting. I ended up painting 52 acrylic paintings that I later turned into the Light Code Oracle. Another way I channeled the energy was through Light Language. I learned that Light Language had healing qualities and have since used it to enhance my Reiki healing sessions.

The extreme lows were the most challenging. I was overwhelmed by past life information, often re-experiencing moments from other lifetimes that were traumatic and highly emotionally charged. For example, during one particularly intense downward spiral, I re-experienced my own hanging. The result was a near compulsion to repeat it in this life time, something very scary to endure. Thankfully, my awareness was such that I was able to allow that trauma to move through until it subsided. Similar to the extreme highs, the lows resulted in periods of insomnia and sometimes periods of extreme exhaustion where no matter how much sleep I got, I still felt tired.

I now understand that the extremes were the result of the K clearing energetic blocks in order to create a cleared, unobstructed channel (known as the Sushumna nadi), one clogged by lifetimes of stagnant energy intensified and compounded via this present lifetime experience. Thankfully, the K doesn’t do it all at once, though it might seem so when in the midst of it. It comes through in waves. For me, the first waves were the most intense, but over time they became less and less so. Now, though I am still experiencing clearings, they are mostly benign. I have more bliss than anything, and that, my friend, is the BEST part.

The insight I gained from last night is that my dreams are, and have always been, giving me a window into the deeper work being done by the K. While I believe most, if not all, of the major blocks have been cleared, there are still remnants. A healthy energetic flow systematically clears away lingering sluggish energy. Is mine healthy? My guides say, “Mostly”. lol So, that is a relief I suppose. Regardless, current beliefs and conditioning continue to create much that will need scouring and scrubbing away. The work of the K is truly never done.

Anyway, back to my dream insight. For those new to the high’s (and lows, but we are speaking of high’s here) of a Kundalini activation in the early stages, the usually highly sexually charged energy (the creative) can, and does, invigorate and enliven a previously “dead” energy system. Imagine a canvas painted in black and white suddenly splashed with color. Our biological drive as humans is creative in nature. This is our core both as spiritual Beings and as human beings. Creation in the biological sense equates to procreation (ie. sex).

So, it is completely normal to want to express ones innate creative capacity via sex.

However, to do so in the midst of an awakening is not advised. It can result in energetic contamination and entanglement (obsession). When you have sex with someone, you absorb their energetic imprints, emotional baggage and traumas. Even exchanging energy (physical sex or spiritual Union) with a single person during this time can disrupt an already unstable energy system. Doing so with many partners can cloud one’s intuition and stall the upward progression of the Kundalini. It directs the energy downward which can ground the energy and trap the person in an energetic loop of obsession, craving and fatigue. Ultimately, this trap can lead to Kundalini psychosis.

In my dream I recognized the trap and avoided it. I have learned that lesson through experience. The high’s and low’s I mentioned above are only exacerbated when the Ego gets involved and the Ego is what sends us looking for an energetic release (sex and partners).

What is the solution you might ask? Ignore the mind if you can. Shut it off. How? Channel the creative energy into a project or other creative endeavor. Follow your greatest excitement. When the lows inevitably move in, practice grounding such as: gentle yoga (child’s pose, savasana, legs-up-the-wall, other grounding poses), walks outside, Epsom salt baths, mindfulness meditation, and exercise (outside is best). Focus on activities that take you out of your head and into your body. If you struggle, find a good book or watch a mind numbing show for a little relief. The intensity will cause you to re-experience things you would rather not. Becoming the observer is best here. When you are not going through the intensely high highs and lows, practice becoming the observer. You can do this simply through mindfulness meditation and other meditation practices. And if it gets to be too much, you can always seek help through traditional means. Though some would advise against medications, I do not. I have found antidepressants helpful in the past as well as sleep aids and herbal supplements.

Image of garter snake encounter over the weekend. This one was cold so very passive, so much so that I was able to pick up and hold him/her. To me the encounter symbolizes the changes in the how I currently experience the Kundalini – much easier to handle.

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Pluto Direct

Pluto went direct right as a cold front came in. I crashed and slept hard.

I woke up around 6am with my root chakra very intensely pulling. I wondered briefly about it and then my second chakra started to light up. I heard my guide say, “Dec 21”. I asked, “Why does everything happen in December?” (Dec 2014 = intense heart opening).

I returned to sleep and fell into an interesting dream.

Dream

I was riding a motorcycle (individual path) down a familiar road. I realized that I should have turned left back behind me, so I turned around (course correction). I remember feeling like I was wearing something heavy and my feet not being on the foot pedals and worrying I would not be able to brake in time. I then remembered the brake was on the handlebars. I slowed and stopped with some others on motorcycles. I wondered if we would all ride together in a little pack, like in formation. The others began to move, turning right (intuition, the feminine). I followed.

When I arrived at the destination it resembled a large theater with row after row of hundreds of seats. The others began to sit down, so I did, too. This is when I got a glimpse of myself and the others. We looked almost skeletal with very pale or white skin. We were very tall, at least 7ft, and had longer arms than what would be proportional to our height. Our hands were similarly long and very boney in appearance. I struggle to remember what our faces looked like. The human me wants to say they looked like skulls but I do not believe this is accurate. When I try to recall the faces I saw now, they look completely devoid of any defining characteristics. They are just overly large, oval shaped solid white heads without eyes, ears, mouth or nose.

This is when it gets interesting. From where I was seated I began to travel through time. The first place I went took me to others similar to the skeletal people I was with. When I came into the body it was on the ground facing up and another Being was looking down at me. He said to me, “We knew you were coming.” Then others came up from all around with long, narrow, spear-like things in their hands. They did not look happy to see me. As they began their assault I could see myself from above and watched as I began to murmur some words I cannot recall now. These words pulled me out of that body and back to my place of origin.

I went out again, this time coming into a body at the theater only I was sitting in the very back next to a man who was very obviously human. He turned and smiled at me. He seemed small to me but then I realized I must also be small. I looked down at myself and saw both the skeletal white body and a human one. It was like I was both but then the human man did not seem afraid so I concluded my body looked human. Remembering I came from a seat up at the front I realized I was not wearing any shoes. I began looking for my shoes. I asked the man if he had seen them and he pointed at my feet. I saw some female shoes, white and slender like flats. I put them on and sat there a while. A movie was playing on the screen. I think it was a musical. It seemed enjoyable so I watched with the others for a while. Then I told the man I needed to return to my seat where I had left my other shoes, some much more comfortable than the ones I had in my hands (I never put them on).

I went to the front and sat next to others like myself. My shoes were where I left them. I could see both their skeletal form and human form, the latter being more solid. The movie scene mixes here with what was going on in the seats around me so it gets confusing. It comes out in the dream like the movie actors/actresses are both on screen and off. Those off screen got up and began to form a line and then a circle. I joined them. We were dancing together and I did not know the foot placement. No worries, I was told, follow along with me. A women in front of me showed me and though clumsy, I was able to keep pace. The woman in her skeletal overlay had on jewelry and was adorned with wreaths of flowers around her neck. So were all the others. I concluded I was wearing the same.

The whole time I felt heavy with the suit of armor or whatever my other body consisted of. I was too big for the human body and quite awkward in it.

When it finished, I went back to my seat, the one in the front, to retrieve my other shoes. They were tennis shoes and I remembered them vividly in my mind. When I went to my seat another person was occupying it. In fact, the whole row was full of women, all who looked solidly human. I inquired about my seat and began to head towards it and the woman pointed to another row. I saw an entirely empty row closer to the screen. Confused, I followed their instructions thinking maybe I had been wrong about where my original seat was located.

When I woke my body was alive with energy, especially my second and third chakras. I wondered about the dream and then remembered that Pluto had gone direct, likely overnight while I was sleeping. Could that be why I had such vivid dreams?

Pluto

I am no expert on Pluto and my astrological chart but I do know it has a lot of influence on my life because my Ascendant is in Aquarius. I believe it is now in my 1st house after years of tearing down old, outgrown loyalties, unhelpful patterns and codependent habits (divorce anyone?). It felt like trembling of the ground and then a volcanic explosion for me (as in anger lol) that only recently simmered down around May of this year, when Pluto went retrograde.

While Pluto was retrograde I felt relief from the anger and got some perspective on why I had been so angry, etc, making the decision to stop the “attack” on my ex and move forward more peacefully. I let go of the anger and vengeful thoughts and felt an immense relief in doing so. I left my counseling job and spent a lot of time resting, going inward and evaluating what worked for me in life and what did not, specifically in love/relationships and in career. I felt the need to move forward but a major “NO” from within when I tried to do so. It was very clear that I was to wait and when Pluto went direct that resistant was gone.

I backed off all summer and watched as those around me seemed to be going through their own evaluation periods. My sister especially went through this, but I also witnessed my brother fall into a depression for a while and only recently come out from it. My ex has been struggling (according to my kids) with his new girlfriend (fights/arguments) and work and, most recently, the conflict with our son. Interestingly, my daughter and my brother BOTH had interviews the day Pluto went direct. lol My daughter got offered the job and my brother is going to have interview #2 soon and I believe he will get that job offer. Whether he takes it is unclear yet. If he does, he will move out of my spare room in January. 😦

I don’t think the anger will be returning. I am done with wasting my time, thoughts, energy, and life force, on someone who never fully appreciated me or loved me for me. I deserve more. My focus is going to be on loving myself and looking to myself for those things I have always sought from others: validation, approval, love, value, companionship, security.

Other Happenings

Family Reunion

The day Pluto went direct I hosted a family gathering at my country home. It was an important one because 1. my mom’s 78th birthday was the day before, and 2. it was the first time my mom had seen her daughter and grandson (my sister and nephew) in years. I cannot remember how long it has been, but after my mom evicted my sister and her husband off her property, my sister refused to see or talk to her and would not let her son see her, his grandmother. My sister, who I have been speaking to since May (when Pluto went retro), has been sober and doing purposeful healing work. She originated to me that she wanted to see our mom, so I set up this gathering. It turned out beautifully.

My mom cried happy tears when she saw my sister and nephew and hugged my sister for a very long time. We had cake and chatted for a while and then took a walk down to the pond. My sister and brother along with my oldest son went exploring. My sister found a tiny turtle skull (featured photo) and my brother found a massive turtle shell in almost perfect condition. It was only missing three scutes, all around the bottom of the shell where it met the top portion.

Messages

All in all, I could feel a palpable shift in the energy that day and I continue to feel it. My dreams have also shifted. I keep getting messages and hints of upcoming changes related to family and relationships as well as perhaps resolution of lingering power/control dynamics.

In addition to the date of Dec. 21 of this year (winter solstice), I have twice been told my ex will call me. The first time I was told this (two weeks ago) my ex called me not long after about “wrestling” with our oldest son (major physical argument). The result was our son staying with me during his week with his father. I received 10 phone calls from my ex that day. 10! That is more phone calls than I receive in a year now that we are divorced. One phone call was quite productive, and though our son was insistent upon living with me full-time, I convinced him to give his father another chance and so he stayed there this past week. Had this incident happened a year ago, I believe I would have approached it all very differently to the extent that my son would likely be living with me full-time. My willingness and agreeableness to resolve the situation helped shift my ex’s approach and so what may have been a highly volatile situation was smoothed over, corners tucked in like a freshly made bed.

Then the night before last I awoke from a dream about my ex hearing, “He will call you”. This came with a Knowing of changes coming for my ex. These changes, like the house of cards he and I built together, has cracks in its foundation. The dream I had showed the floors of his house buckling and forming a crevasse down the middle of the living room, the devastation caused by a water leak. While I can’t say I Know the specific details of this collapse, it appears to be linked to him not doing the healing work he needed to do after our divorce as well as some other bad decisions. I did not wake feeling these issues would directly impact me and my life and/or finances but they might indirectly impact me.

I was also told very matter-of-factly by a masculine voice upon waking, “You will get everything you want, just not how you expect.” Is this good or bad news? IDK but hey, if I get everything I want, then bring it on. If it is not in the way I expect, then at least it will be interesting, right?

Pics from that day:

Turtle shell found 10/16. This is after it was cleaned and coated with polyurethane.
Blue-Winged Teal ducks in my pond.
Garter snake I encountered on my walk. It was cold that morning so the snake was sluggish and let me hold it.

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Kundalini Dream: Symbols from the Serpent

The beginning of the dream is hazy. I remember being outside in a busy town. It was a bright, cloudless day and there was a sense that something new was beginning. I was with some friends, none I recognized except for my ex-SIL, Dawn. Everyone was discussing work, especially Dawn who was uncertain about a job opportunity that had come up. She was confused about where to report for the interview and since the others also had interviews, we followed them into an office building. I only remember that the building had lots of windows, like a high rise, and the windows had a dark blue (throat, third-eye chakras) tinge to them.

Inside the building there were many lines of people each seeming to be for a specific job type. Our friends went to their lines and Dawn and I settled in one that looked to be the one she needed to be in. I did not have an interview. I seemed to be there only for support.

A male friend approached and the dream really gets hard to recall here. He seemed more familiar than the others. Dawn and I left the line we were in and I followed the man to an upper level. It was less crowded there and there was only one line with us and a few others. To the left was a child care center (inner child, family kept close) that had large windows so parents could look in. I remember thinking it must be nice to work somewhere that allowed you to be so close to your children while you worked.

I remember waiting a bit longer, talking to Dawn who was then called into her interview. I was asked if I wanted an interview by a lady with a clipboard. I told her I did not know what kind of work they were interviewing for and was unsure I would qualify. The lady enthusiastically announced that I did and ushered me and the male friend away.

I do not remember sitting through an interview. Instead, I remember feeling like the man was someone I was to work with. He had dark hair and a scruffy, 5 day shadow of a beard. His body type was quite large like he worked out and he was at least 6ft tall. He felt to be my ex-SIL’s uncle for some reason.

The dream shifts and I am outside again. I see ahead of me the man, his back to me, standing next to Dawn. They are on a ferry standing at the end looking out over the water. I immediately hurried towards them because I felt a strong draw to the man.

When I got there I gave the man a side hug and asked him, “How come I’ve never met you before?” There was a Knowing that he was family so it was odd we had never met. He said, “I was married.” Without words we exchanged information about one another in an instant. He told me he worked in information processing (logic, masculine energy). I remember telling him I just turned 50, was recently divorced and had finances enough to retire. He said, “That was me not long ago.” I understood his reply to mean he was older than me. I kept trying to figure out how he was my family, confusing waking reality with dream reality. It was at this time that Dawn seemed to no longer be present. This is also when I became lucid.

I could feel the boats movement and looked out over a beautiful scene of crystal clear water with green streaks of algae and water plants. Every once in a while there was a large, round boulder poking out of the water. It reminded me of Florida. I noticed the rocks had something written on them. I pointed them out to the man, “Look! There are symbols on the rocks!” They looked like Light Language symbols. He smiled and said, “They are from the serpent (Kundalini).” When I looked again it was like suddenly every rock in the water had a symbol and the symbols seemed to glow. I also saw what I thought was a dragon moving through the water effortlessly. It looked like a dragon snake (mastered power, primordial energy, protection). 

The man put his arm gently around my waist and I leaned into him. There was this amazing rush of energy between us that caused me to want to melt into him, so I did. He leaned over and began to gently kiss my forehead over and over again, covering me with kisses. With each kiss I surrendered a little more and then exhaled as my boundaries fell away. I felt more safe than I have ever felt there in his arms. His energy was strong and gentle at the same time. I felt protected and cherished. There was no  intense, burning desire or sexual desperation, just pure acceptance and love. He must have kissed me a dozen times. I could feel my third-eye blazing and at the same time my root became warm and expansive. The two energies seemed to merge in the middle somewhere between my heart and third chakra. The beauty of it woke me up.

I lingered in bed, relishing in the energy. I told my guidance, “That is what I want.” I was able to fall back into a light sleep. While there I saw the number 1121 (manifestation, alignment, partnership) and heard “210 days” (8 days before my Chiron Return). 

Kundalini Insight

When I woke, I knew that my experiences with the Kundalini, the massive clearing and purging, the seeming “twin flame” connection, the other K connection, brought me to this point. The K, with all its raging fire and deeply transformative, purging water, has cleared my energy body. The “volcanic” eruptions of energy were from a “pressure” release in areas of severe blockage. They were never meant to construe fate or “destiny” in any way whatsoever except to bring to my awareness that which had created the massive blocks and restrictions to the flow of prana. The unhealthy attachment and obsession brought about by the catalytic “twin flame”/heart connection was merely the K doing its work, helping me burn through unhealthy beliefs, past life traumas, and other blocks created in this and other lifetimes. 

It is so easy to assume the K is here to show us a path. No. It doesn’t do that. It is not a path it is US. Every part of the K is teaching us about ourselves. It is life force energy, that which comes with us into this body and merges us into physical form. It does not exist in the same form after we die. Why would it? Without a body, without the density of physical reality and the muck and mess that builds up in our physical “plumbing”, we would not have a Kundalini awakening at all.

Don’t listen to what your mind tells you when the K starts its rise within. Let it do its work. The more you let your mind try to run the show, to come up with reasons and to logically explain what is happening, the more painful the process will be. 

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Dream, Vision and White Heron Feathers

Lots to report in a short time. Here we go…

First the White Heron Feathers. I found four in different locations on a morning walk. I took a path I have not walked in a while (also symbolic ha!). This was last Sunday. White Herons come in flocks to my pond and the adjacent pond. This time of year there are more than usual. However, I have only ever found one feather in the past. To find four on one walk was surprising.

The White Heron symbolizes patience, good fortune and Divine timing. Finding four of them brings in the energy of the number 4 which is often connected with the four directions, the four elements, balance and stability.

I was feeling somewhat disheartened that morning and it seemed to be confirmation from my guidance that my patience will pay off.

And then last night, prior to bed, I asked my guides to show me “what I am suppose to do” in this stage of my life. I did not expect an answer.

Dream: Mediumship

As posted this morning in my personal journal.

In the dream I was sitting at a table with some classmates. One looked like a girl I knew in high school. We’ll call her Nancy. All the seats were taken and I asked Nancy if I could sit next to her. It felt like she was somewhat snobby or a know-it-all but also like she was annoyed that I was there. She told me it was okay and I sat down making sure to avoid her sleeve which was covered in a nice, silk blouse sleeve that I could see through. 

It felt like the group of women I was with was talking about business matters. I remember hearing someone mention something that needed doing. Another woman in the group suggested a courier. Nancy was listening and asked, “Do you even know what a courier does?” I told her I knew and described what they do by saying they are similar to an office aid who goes between the office and some other place either taking items of importance back and forth or who completes other tasks that have to do with several offices, like a go-between. Nancy nodded her head but said I was almost correct.

The rest of the dream was a discussion about the importance of the work to be done and further elaboration on what the work involves. I do not recall the other woman being there during this discussion. Instead it seemed like Nancy was conveying this information to me personally. As the dream began to break up and I gained lucidity, it was clear the work in question was mine. I was responding to Nancy as I woke saying, “So you are talking about mediumship”. As I woke I felt mediumship was the gift that allowed me to do this kind or work.

When I woke I was seeing a visual of a person in between the physical and spiritual realms. It felt like I was being asked to be more than a medium but a representative trusted with valuable information from one realm, the realm of spirit, to another, the physical. It reminded me of channeling, though I do not think it is just that. 

Vision: Y-Tube and Communion

My morning was hectic with some surprise elements (personal things I will save for another time). I was tired because I had only slept 5hrs. I tried to sleep and “rested” for about two hours. During that time my mind mostly wandered and then, at some point, I became aware of a mental voice that was not my own.

I was thinking about this morning’s dream and during this time is when I noticed a guide was conversing with me. I believe I had been asking for another K connection at the time. He was asking me to consider what I required to do my work. Would I require a person I was physically connected to who I also met in person? Or would it be okay to have a connection with someone who also has a physical body but I did not meet in person? Or maybe someone who is not here physically? I said I preferred to come into physical contact with the other person. I am okay with dreams any time, but it is lonely and I feel adrift without someone to anchor me here. 

I then asked about the experiences I’ve had – what exactly is the Kundalini connection that I experienced? Like, how does it work? This type of connection is what I desire so I wanted to know exactly what was occurring because it felt like I was merged into one with another.

I was shown very clearly a tube like one would use in a science lab but it was in the shape of an inverted Y. It was sitting on a nightstand along with other items as if part of a room’s decor. The tube is apparently a real thing, known as a Y-Tube.

I was also shown and heard the name of one of my Light Code Oracle cards: Communion. In that card there are three circles coming together but not fully merged and it looks like a Venn Diagram.

The empty Y-Tube may be symbolic for an open channel. The top part is Universal consciousness or Source. The bottom of the Y is a split into dual receptacles. This indicates that Source is coming down and equally distributing into two individuals who are sharing in the Divine. 

So, what I was thinking about the two becoming one is actually one energy dividing itself to experience two bodies simultaneously. 

The Communion card is three circles joining. One circle is one individual’s consciousness (feminine), the other is the partners individual consciousness (masculine) and the last is Source of which we are both tuning into simultaneously. 

The entire message is profound and I am still digesting it. It is not something I did not already have awareness of but it was surprising the way my guide came into my thoughts. I had been on the edge of sleep and wake but not quite fully in the in-between when it occurred. My dream last night seemed to indicate a direction, one I had asked for previous to sleep, and it is not usual that I actually get instruction like this. It is clear that my purpose has to do with bridging the physical and the spiritual and now, with the symbolism provided during my meditation, it seems the Kundalini is part of my work. I am not really surprised. Why wouldn’t it be? 

I also did not realize how important the Communion card was. I drew that card not long ago in a reading for myself on May 25, 2025. It was the center card of three. The first card was Breakthrough, the last was Reflect. FYI: When I painted the Reflect card I was reminded of the “mirror” one experiences with Divine connections (some call them Twin Flames, I call them Heart Connections). However, following my dream and vision today, I believe it to be a good representation of what my guidance just relayed to me. There is a central symbol and it is receiving and transmitting beams of blue (information).

Regardless of all of the above, I have been asking to be guided towards my life’s purpose or work now and I feel very strongly it is linked to a partner, most likely a partner who I am able to come into Union with. My instructions appear to be that I am here as a medium but my work is not only to connect to Spirit for those who have lost loved ones, but also to connect to Divine Beings such as what some call ascended masters. When I come into contact with these Beings I don’t like to categorize them except to say they feel very ancient and contain great knowledge. It is this knowledge I am told I am here to convey. 

Oddly, I am not very inspired or moved by all of the above. Maybe because of today’s mundane events and the issues likely to arise from them. I am very calm considering all that has happened today. Oh and we got rain for the first time in a long while today also. When it rains, it pours I guess. 😉

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Dream: Venus in Aries

How about that full moon energy!? [eyeroll]

Lots of random, stressful things happened, but nothing so big I couldn’t handle it. For example, the weekend before last was a bit odd energy-wise. That Friday I was in a rush to go somewhere despite my guidance suggesting I slow down. As soon as I started to drive I got a low tire pressure warning. I went back home and aired up my tire and then left again despite yet another nudge to slow down and just “stay home”. Still rushing (and there was NO reason to), I clipped the bottom of my garage door, partially tearing my spoiler off my car and dislocating the roller off the door track. The garage door was undented and works fine with readjustment. I did, however, have to fix my flat and the spoiler. Total cost: $360.

The next day I opted to stay home all day because I could still sense that crazy, hurried energy. I got a call from my daughter that afternoon. She was frantic. She had lost her keys, including her key fob. She had to pay $300 to replace her dorm keys and she was crying and stressing.

All of the issues have been resolved, now, and I am surprised how calm I remained despite it all. It is proof I have grown. However, yesterday I discovered a leak in a pipe located between my country home and the garage guest room. Again, I got the hectic, almost frantic energy but chose to sit through it on my drive home. Once it passed, I called my step-father and my brother. I asked my brother to dig up the pipe. I asked my step-father to fix it. My step-father is going to fix it today. Also today, my daughter is getting a new fob and it is costing her $400.

These are just annoyances for me mostly but my mom has also had lots of things break (two of which were plumbing related) and told me about it this past weekend. I think it must have been something with the energy because WOW. So much crap in such a short time.

On a positive note, I have discovered that my long held belief that I cannot predict future events for family members is incorrect. I have now correctly predicted several things for my daughter, specifically job-related. Huh. I guess, though, I should know there really is no limit except the ones I place on myself. I had no issue predicting things for my first husband after we divorced. Why shouldn’t I be able to help my daughter? The only problem is she is now calling me all.the.time asking for more predictions, especially pressing me to tell her what she wants to hear. I have had to reel her in, reminding her that I am not able to see everything and life is meant to have mystery. She doesn’t like that at all. At least I know she believes in me, which feels nice.

Okay, on to a dream I wanted to share.

Dream: Venus in Aries

I was inside my house, which was a very grand mansion, and found two boxes left to me by my sister. I opened them and they were brand new baby bottles. I remember thinking, “Who would need that many bottles?” and also that I definitely didn’t need any since I did not have a baby. 

I remember conversing with someone online briefly. Then I went to this bar type restaurant where I was to meet a man who was in town on business for a few days. I took my son with me. 

The space was very golden in color (safe, protected space) and full of people mingling. The man was standing at the bar (space of connection) talking to another man and saw me before I saw him. When I saw him I froze. He was beautiful. I immediately lost the ability to speak coherently and started to walk away, hiding my face because I was wearing my glasses and felt ugly. I felt unprepared for meeting this man. He would surely reject me because of how beautiful he was and how ugly I felt. I remember looking for a my son who was running about like a child tends to do. I was planning on leaving. The man followed me. He smiled when I hid from him and came up and lifted my face up to his gently, looking directly at me. He told me he liked my glasses and that he had glasses also. He wanted to know if I was interested in continuing our date and I nodded, speechless. He talked and laughed, telling me about himself and his work, saying he was into information processing or something similar. He had a room in the adjacent hotel upstairs where he was staying with a coworker.

At some point I relaxed and accepted that this man liked me. I remember him discussing the energies with me, mentioning Venus. He said about the connection he was feeling with me, “I wonder what planet Venus is in. It must be Scorpio”. I corrected him and said, “I think Venus is in Aries”. When I said this, the electric energy I felt between us was very hard to resist and I could tell he felt it, too. I leaned into him, almost melting into his arms when he caught me, finally giving into the feeling. We kissed and it felt like my insides turned to warm jelly. We made out there in the middle of the bar area with people all around. I remember thinking it inappropriate but I chose not to stop. I didn’t care who saw me. The kisses were divine, his lips soft and our lips together seeming to merge into one.

I asked if I could see his room and he said yes, of course. He took me to a hallway but the hallway only extended a couple of feet and three stairs led up to a wooden landing. There were three doors with numbers on them. The middle door had a number that caught my attention but I can’t recall it now. My son, who had been lingering around the entire time, asked to use the restroom. The man showed him the door on the left and my son went inside. The man opened the door in the middle and we went inside. The room was small with a bed and dresser only. The man immediately got on the bed, leaning up against the wall and relaxing. I cautiously entered and sat on the side of the bed. My son, much younger than he is in real life, came in and began playing on the floor. He was probably about the age of 4. I was distracted by my son but knew the man also had children, two. He motioned for me to come closer, which I did, and he embraced me. The energy of the connection woke me.

Interpretation

My interpretation is the dream mirrors some of what I have been feeling lately. I miss feeling alive, I miss feeling how alive I feel when I feel desire(d).

It also feels like a continuation from a message I received before bed. I asked my guidance what I should be doing and I heard, “Keep looking for a man”. I didn’t feel this was a good action to take and went to sleep.

The man I met in the dream was absolutely beautiful, I must say. He glowed and his smile and eyes bedazzled me. I don’t recall what he looked like except for the way his energy appeared/felt, though. This is similar to another dream I recently had. I am not sure what Venus in Aries means but perhaps it has something to do with the electric attraction we felt? I did look up my Venus, which is in Leo. Leo and Aries is a wonderful attraction. My first husband was an Aries. The fire is real but it can burn out fast if it is not stoked.

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Kundalini Dream: Plumbing Puzzle

I’ve been pretty busy lately but my sleep has been superb! With it comes good dream recall and, to my delight, the Kundalini. So far, OBEs have not been on the agenda. Perhaps they will return soon, but, honestly, I prefer the Kundalini dreams to OBEs and the Kundalini dreams within an OBE, those are the best!

The energy lately has brought some mild purging dreams. I have woken up in tears every day since last Saturday. People I know and have known have been in these purging dreams, some from my recent past and others from way back, like all the way to high school. The people from one time period are mixed with people from other time periods and they all seem to know each other but in real life, they never met. It’s kinda bizarre.

Okay, so yesterday while driving I suddenly had memories of the Kundalini connections I have had. I began to get teary eyed. Fast forward to right before bed, I asked my guidance to bring that (Kundalini) back into my life. I have been missing Home and feeling lonely, which, to clarify, I don’t usually feel. I also asked my guidance to magnify my mediumship abilities. For example, I would love to physically see and audibly hear Spirit while awake. In my younger years I did not want to see/hear Spirit but now that I have worked through my fear of that, I believe I am ready.

So, my guidance did not disappoint, at least in terms of the Kundalini.

Dream: End of the World

This is the second such dream I’ve had about the world ending. I can’t recall the first now, but I was a watching a 9-11 documentary recently so it could be that is being processed in sleep. Regardless, in the dream me and my family were packing and rushing to get to safety. We were using a white van to flee but we were not sure where to go. Where does one go when the world is ending? As we packed, I began to think of what I wanted to leave behind and go a bit sad that my time was running out when I had not really lived yet. The main thing I remember is that, as the dream (and world) was ending, I was frantically writing a message on the inside of an empty barrel. The message was to my children but I can’t recall what I had written. I remember realizing there was no reason to pack things to take with me because we can’t take anything material with us when we leave this life. All we take with us are memories and the love we had for those we shared life with. 

The dream then shifts forward in time and my children find my message. I wake up.

Kundalini Dream: Plumbing Puzzle

I was in a nice house that felt warm and inviting. The place had a golden hue to it that seemed to flicker and shift, almost like there was a fire but I saw no fireplace (desire). Some friends had invited me over and had introduced me to a man. He was tall, slender and had light hair either blonde or light brown. His face was somewhat angular but not harsh and he had a nice smile. I think he had on glasses at some point but did not wear them all the time. 

Like I tend to do, I distanced myself from the others. I sat on the sofa and busied myself with what appeared to be some pieces of plumbing pipe (managing emotion). I vaguely recall thinking of my previous dream about the end of the world as I did this. The man ended up sitting next to me and watched. I was holding a large, 2in diameter metal pipe in my right hand and another in my left that was smaller. I don’t recall what I was doing with the two pipes. I did not put one inside the other as one might do because there was a thin, metal wire between the two that I was trying to adjust. The metal wire looked similar to the mechanism inside a toilet tank (management of emotion). The man leaned over, watching closely. He asked me if what I was doing was one of my hobbies. I laughed and replied that I have always liked figuring out how things worked. I shared with him a memory from my childhood when I would help my dad work on car engines and how I reassembled a carburetor after watching him take it apart.   

The man mentioned he also enjoyed puzzles. I looked over at him and his eyes were sparkling and he was grinning. I couldn’t help but laugh. 

I continued to fiddle with the pipes, placing them between myself and the man. He leaned over the pipes as if to kiss me. I did not hesitate to kiss him squarely on the lips before he had a chance to initiate the kiss on his own. Surprised, he hesitated and grinned, his eyes once again sparkling to the point of being dazzling. 

We talked a bit and he asked me how old I was. I told him I had just turned 50. He mentioned he was 49. I said, “Oh, so I am older than you?” He then asked, “What year were you born?” I told him, “1976”. He got quiet and slumped a bit, his eyes staring at the floor. I asked him, “What year were you born?” He said, “1979”. I leaned down and got at eye level with him and said, “So…I’m a little older. It doesn’t bother me.”

We separated for a moment but I don’t remember what led to it. I was too busy thinking thoughts like, “He will want to have sex with me. Should I insist on using protecting?,” etc. 

I feel like, for a moment, I went elsewhere, walking away from the man and his dazzling eyes and smile. Eventually, the man circled around towards me as I paced and was standing right in front of me. He touched me lightly on the shoulder sending a bolt of energy straight into my heart and said to me, “I want to marry you.” I didn’t respond but I was thinking, “I will never marry again”. It wasn’t a negative thought, it was just a fact. I also remember wondering how the hell anyone has a relationship with the energy we were experiencing? Surely it was doomed from the start. 

The whole time I am thinking these thoughts I am feeling swirling ecstatic bliss bouncing between my root and heart, back and forth, back and forth, like a ping pong ball, intense and intoxicatingly beautiful. I lean into him and take a huge breath, breathing him in. The inhale seemed to expand the intensity and further fueled the energy of our connection. Out of breath now, I asked him, “What is it called when I can breathe you in like this?” He said, “Sub…ion” I couldn’t make out what he said in its entirety because I was becoming lucid, but I think he said “submission”. I woke soon after, the energy in my heart and root still doing its dance, with tears in my eyes.

I did not dare move after waking because when I do, it causes the energy to dissipate. I must have laid there for a half an hour just soaking it up. I told my guidance, “Thank you”. 

by

Another House and Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract

My life direction continues to evolve as I allow the Universe to guide me on my intended path. So much to relay, so I will try to keep it short.

A little over a week ago now, I decided to meditate mid-afternoon. I was on day three of a cold and the previous two days had zapped my energy. Not surprisingly, I must have drifted off during my meditation. When I awoke, I had a solution to an on-going problem I was having with my ex.

The problem: My ex had been refusing to discuss altering the visitation schedule so that I could live full-time in my country home. With my apartment lease expiring in 60 days, I had to decide what to do. Renewing the lease felt wrong and I really, really wanted to have only one residence. However, my intuition kept nudging me to look at alternatives. Where in the past I would dig my heels in when it came to dealing with my ex, the anger had dissipated and I had shifted towards being more amicable and understanding of his circumstances. Still, I was accepting that I would just have to deal with the inevitability of another mediation once I started living full-time and could no longer follow the visitation schedule.

The solution: Upon waking, I had an idea to look at houses for sale in the school zone where my children attend school. When I saw the prices and the houses I knew I was going to buy a house. So the solution was buy a house, keep the schedule as is, and invest my money rather than see it go to rent month after month.

Honestly, this was not part of my original plan in any way, shape or form. I don’t like the suburbs, right? Well, I still did it and it was like a tidal wave of energy just flowed through me in that direction. I contacted a realtor that day and looked at houses the next. I found several in my price range, and made an offer last Thursday. Friday it was accepted as is, no changes. I close next Friday. Yeah, a two week closing. That is how it goes when you don’t go through a bank/need a mortgage.

So, soon I will own a nice, older home on almost a quarter acre of land in my sons’ school zone and within walking distance from my apartment and their father’s home.

I’ll share pics of the little house after closing. It is only 1038 sq ft. I like small, less to clean and I am closer to my boys, not spread across so much of a house that I forget they are there. I’ve enjoyed the smaller floorplan of my country home and the apartment and wanted the house to have that same feeling.

Onto the next surprise. I’ve been off all but one prescription and hormonal medicines for a month now. My sleep cycle has been hellish and I was tired of trying to figure out which pills to take to sleep night after night. At my last appointment I told my NP I wanted off all hormones and begged her for something to help me sleep, not a combination of somethings, one thing. I got a prescription for a low dose tricyclic antidepressant called Doxepin that when taken at low levels (10mg) acts like an antihistamine. Well, it worked and it is still working, night after night. I get a full 8 hours (sometimes more) of sleep every night. Hallelujah! And feel rested and have dreams and feel wonderful in the morning. And on the hormone side, well seems I am nowhere near menopause. My body thinks it is 30. No tiredness, no hot flashes (never had then to begin with), no brain fog, no aches and pains. I am in shock. I thought for sure I would be done by now. lol

With the kind of sleep I’ve been getting, my body has caught up I guess because now the dreams are returning and as vivid as ever. Last night I got a whammy of a dream, not something I’ve had in a long while.

Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract?

The dream began with me visiting what seemed like the HEB in a nearby town but it was empty like a warehouse and had no markings on it whatsoever. I was with some people but do not recall what they looked like or how many there were. We went into the covered area near the main entrance but did not go inside. Instead, we stood just outside. While there I believe I was told about a family who was from the area. I remember a mother telling her son to do things, like she was really controlling or maybe just very strict. There was a mistake made and a ton of educational booklets with the face of a child on the front were strewn all over the loading dock. The mom was upset and yelled.

I don’t know what transpired after that because I seemed to shift to another scene. I was above a road that looked like an old country road. All around was countryside consisting of fields dotted with trees. I believe I was with the son of the woman from before in the dream. We were discussing his life and he was telling me about land his family owned. I could hear someone else remind him that he had land, also. It felt like we were traveling to this land. The man asked me what kind of land I liked, and I said I liked land dotted with trees. 

We landed in this very old town, if you could even call it that. There were old, gray and dilapidated buildings scattered along a very unkept paved road. I don’t think many people lived there, if any. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to live here”. The place was not pleasant and I sensed that all the people who lived there were in everyone else’s business all the time and quite judgmental. 

At the end of the road the man and I stopped at a flatbed trailer that was not hitched to a truck. I could see we were at a high point and below us was a beautiful valley but it was far in the distance. We sat on the edge of it together and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe in his arms and melted into him. He bent down and kissed me and an intense, pleasurable energy hit me in the root and shot straight up to my crown. We lingered there exchanging soft kisses, caught up in our combined energy. 

He stood up and began pacing around. In the road below, the ground was broken wide open. I looked down and saw what appeared to be a red water pump. He told me it was the well to his land. I looked to the side and saw something that resembled a holding tank and said, “That must be the well”. 

The man left for a while. He was handling his family and their expectations of him. I sensed the karmic energy of his link with them and knew he was struggling, caught between what he wanted and his desire to do what they wanted. It was clear I had a strong and very deep connection to him and obvious that we were romantically involved. I could feel magnetic pull to him and I knew he felt it, too. My whole body and soul lit up when we were together and even when we weren’t I could feel it. I remember thinking to myself, “But he’s 15 years younger than me.” I didn’t agonize over this fact, it was just a thought as if I was responding to information being given to me. I do believe I was being given pertinent information about my future.

I remained there, sitting on the trailer, waiting for him, caught up in thoughts about our connection and the information I was receiving about what it entailed. Like with other men I have had this kind of connection with, I could almost taste his energy and via that perception was able to sense what he was like and how his past incarnations weaved together to form the tapestry that is his unique energetic signature. His energy felt childlike and innocent with a hints of adventure and curiosity blended with wisdom he had yet to tap into in this lifetime. I could see what his physical body looked like in this lifetime, too, but my memory of that is muddled now. All I know is he is white, tall, with a somewhat muscular physique and his light color hair. What I saw, felt and “tasted” was extremely attractive to me.

When he returned he was not wearing a shirt and I could not help but reach over and touch his chest, tracing my fingers lightly over it. We melted into each other and eagerly became lost in the spectacular ecstasy of our combined energy. He was preoccupied with his family dramas and I could sense this but he did not let it interfere with us. 

When he finally pulled away, I asked him where his shirt was. He picked up a filing cabinet and began to search through it. I thought, “That’s an odd place for a shirt”. There appeared to be nothing in its accordion sections but he found something. He pulled out two papers and laid them on the trailer in front of me. I glanced down at them. One looked like blueprints, the other…possibly a contract?  

Again, unable to resist each other, we began kissing, this time we ended up on the ground below the trailer. I could feel the blades of grass poking me as I melted into him. This went on for a short time but his family responsibilities interrupted and he had to go again, but this time his absence was brief.

When he returned, I was standing at the end of the trailer. He greeted me with a kiss and, again, the energy washed over me, this time pulsating to an intensity that I could not resist. Breathless, I told him, if this continued I would not be able to stop myself. I don’t think he cared because he did not pull away. I woke with the energy rising in my sleep body from root to crown. It stopped around my solar plexus and then ping-ponged between my three lower chakras for some time.

I couldn’t return to sleep because the dream felt so real and the energy spiked when I thought about the man. I questioned if this man was real and if I was being shown a future meeting. If so, I said to my guides, “Bring it on!” I felt a warning from them. I knew it was related to the karma this man was here to resolve. Sigh. Why does everything have to be so complicated? 

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Healing Session Notes: Using Light Language in Healing

Last night I did a “Reiki” healing session on my brother. I am a Reiki Master Teacher but, honestly, I do not use the symbols nor have I ever used them except when I was learning Reiki. I just intuitively go with the flow of the energy.

I set up my massage table in my home gym, burned some incense and put on soothing music. I lay on the table as I waited on him giving myself self-healing. I got so enmeshed in it that when my brother came in he startled me.

The session went well. At first I could not get his energy to respond but eventually I could feel the familiar heat and coolness in my hands. I felt very stiff in my body and began to wonder how I would continue the healing for 30 minutes or more. Surely I would get too exhausted and have to stop. Not long after I began to feel into my body and sway and move with the energy as it flowed through me. I couldn’t feel much of the energy itself but physical indicators were present. For example, I often got goosebumps in my legs that moved up and then back down.

At one point I began to spontaneously speak Light Language (LL). I did this quietly so as to not be heard by my brother and pull him out of his reverie. The LL kept coming and coming and the more it came through, the more I got goosebumps and the energy in my hands increased. I also swayed as if dancing and found myself moving my head upward and exhaling loudly. Eventually I began to cry as I was overwhelmed with the love coming into and through me. It felt like it was coming down into my crown and from there it spread out and made its way to my hands. It was not near as strong as I have felt in the past, as if my guidance was trying to avoid triggering me into full on sobs (which I tend to do when the heart bliss hits). I let the tears fall and continued my work, speaking LL, swaying with the energy and seeing visuals of the aura and areas that needed attention. During this time I heard, “Initiation”. I wasn’t sure if it was a message for me or him so I “put it on the shelf” for later.

When I got to my brother’s throat chakra I felt it was blocked. I intuitively knew my brother needed to make sound so I asked him to do so, indicating his throat was severely blocked. He did and after a few loud “ahhh’s” he began to laugh. He laughed heartily from his belly and I started to giggle, too.

He also had a third eye blockage so I worked on it a while and slowly made my way around to his other side. I turned my focus on his third chakra and noticed it, too, was quite blocked. I was shown a small energetic abnormality. It was like looking at the white of someone’s eye and seeing a speck of dirt. I tried to get it to come off but it was like the “dirt” was stuck and had become a part of the chakra. I worked on it a while with no success and so moved on to his feet.

Since the energy in his feet was strong, I began to do the work of balancing his aura. I could see and feel what I was doing in my mind. It feels very much like sculpting except with energy. I tried to bring the feel of the energy in the blocked/partially blocked chakras out as much as the rest of his aura. I could not do it completely, the aura would not expand fully around his head, neck and shoulders, but I did get it even enough to complete the healing session.

After I let him rest for a bit, we spoke some about what he experienced. He said he felt as if there were energetic “hands” around his throat choking him. I ask for clarification and he said it was band of energetic but he had flashes of being choked. I explained how I had worked on that area for some time because he had a severe blockage there. He also said he saw in his mind’s eye light streaking past, up and down his body and at one point it covered him from head to toe. I said that was probably when I was balancing his aura. He was very grateful and I felt like I was finally getting a glimpse into my healing style.

My brother reported to me today that he felt the healing session was “intense”. He is Reiki Level II and he use to be a part of a healing group that met consistently. So, he has both given and received Reiki for several years. He said he had only ever received intense healings from his teacher but the healing he got from me was even more intense. He said he could still feel the effects of it hours after the session ended. He took a nap and when he woke up two hours later he could still feel the lingering energy. 

In considering the message “initiation” I believe it was in reference to the fact that I, being Kundalini awakened myself, can initiate the Kundalini in another person and to be mindful of this as I do healing work. It may also be in reference to a Light Language activation, but it is hard to tell exactly at this time. I discussed it with my brother and suggested he take some time to integrate the healing and then he can decide if he wants to continue. He was mostly worried about the “speck” I saw in his third chakra. I do not know what it is, only that I was not able to remove it…yet. I believe, with time and healing work, that this anomaly will resolve on its own.

Overall, I am quite intrigued by how the healing went and want to continue this work.

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Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

Woke up from a Kundalini dream at 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. 

Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

I was visiting my heart connection. It seemed like he was showing me his past. This part of the dream is not as clear as the rest but I recall his mom being present and somehow knew we were in California. I have seen pictures of her and she was much younger in the dream and seemed vibrant and full of energy. It felt like he was showing me this part of his life to explain his connection to his mom. What I recall the most is that he was very preoccupied with the task at hand, his energy very active and rushed. 

The dream shifted to a more rural area (deeper emotional goal). It felt like rural Georgia and there was a sense that my heart connection was nearby and I was visiting him. I was taking two dogs (loyalty to two different aspects), one large and one small (seeking balance), for a drive down an unfamiliar road. As I drove the road suddenly shifted to a white dirt road (shift to subconscious). Something about seeing the dirt road caused me to worry I would get lost so I decided to slow down and find a place to turn around. I pulled into a half circle driveway to turn around and two older ladies approached me. My car disappeared (slower pace where I am more vulnerable and grounded) and I was now walking the dogs on leashes. The women were friendly, asking if I was from around there and while we talked the larger dog started to wander away. I noticed I had lost grip of its leash and I told the women, “I can’t chase him or he’ll run.” I explained to them how to get him to return and sure enough he circled around happily, greeted them with sniffs and sat down (I’ve learned not to force connections). 

Then I was inside an unfamiliar bedroom (shift from journey stage to one of waiting) laying on a large bed. It felt like I was in my heart connection’s bedroom (view of his inner world). I was clothed in a tank top and shorts laying mostly on top of the covers (not yet fully integrated). The room itself was dark (unconscious) in color and somewhat large. I believe there was a dresser with a mirror near the foot of the bed (self-reflection, inner truth). To my left was the door. I remember mulling over memories of a dream conversation I had with my heart connection prior to this moment in time. I only recall flashes of the dream here. There is a sense of his journey and movement or progression along a planned path. There was also a sense of his mindset and feelings to include that he still had some work to do in regards to the karma he was settling with his mother. 

Though I don’t remember it now I feel like the dream was overlaying another dream in which I was actually with him having this discussion. I’ve had this happen frequently in dreamtime.

At some point I pulled down the right side of my tank top (vulnerability, self-exposure). I don’t know why I did this. I have faint memory of having exercised and feeling hot only I never got up out of the bed. From my right I felt my heart connection come out of the shadows. He leaned over me. There was an immediate burning sensation in my heart chakra as if it was burning straight through me. The sensation was like the fire of desire I usually feel in the lower chakras only it was in my heart. He leaned over me, kneeling partially on the bed, and kissed me four times (grounding of the spiritual fire into reality), each time the fire in my chest grew seeming to expand and envelope us both. 

He ended up over the top of me and I suddenly felt exposed; naked. He was too and I could feel he was aroused. Concerned for him, I pulled in my left knee to block him getting any closer. I knew he wasn’t ready. I knew I wasn’t ready. He slowly withdrew, looked directly at me and said, “Thank you.” We shared a moment of mutual understanding and then he stood up. He was no longer naked but clothed (symbolizes getting back to work). Seeing his clothes, I immediately covered my exposed breast and said to him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to…”. Unconcerned, he walked to the door and began to leave, explaining he had to go but would come right back when he was done. I got the sense that he was going to finish his karmic work. It’s like he was explaining, “I am so close, just not quite done yet. I’ll come back, I promise.”

Him leaving was heart wrenching. The fire in my heart was burning but I was in agony. I couldn’t reconcile the longing I was experiencing with the Knowing that it was not yet time. I was also struggling with memory of the previous pain, the decimation I experienced, when he left the first time. The intensity of emotion and the heart fire woke me. 

Reflection

The first thing I felt was panic. Memory flooded in along with the question I had asked all those years ago and was asking again, “Why is this happening to me?” My guides were close and reminded me I had chosen this. Knowing flooded in and I felt the same agony I felt in the dream. All I could say to them was, “I can’t [do this again]”. 

Last summer I was told I had chosen the fast-track. So, so much has happened since then. I am just now feeling somewhat settled and steady. I am getting ready to make even more changes to my life, changes that I feel are more in alignment with who I am. It won’t be easy and I get that, but I was not expecting this. If the Kundalini returns it will most definitely complicate things.

If I am suppose to finish what was started, fine, I get it. Leaving work unfinished is unwise, especially work of this nature.

The dream gave me perspective I didn’t previously have. I understand where my heart connection is coming from and how he has changed. And boy has he changed! His energy is different, more decisive and confident. I cannot recall one dream with him in it from my past where he did what he did in this dream. He was always hesitant. Not anymore. It feels like he is stepping fully into his masculinity.

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Return of 11:11

Lots going on, only so much time to write without it getting super long….

Dream: Healing Second Chakra

I was with a group of people and we seemed to be traveling. I mostly recall the end of the dream now as it was early in the night that I had it. We came to a waterpark type scene that reminded me of a local waterpark with lazy river tube shoots. Around the tube sections was greenery that reminded me of Costa Rica, so very tropical. We were not in the water but walking along it I think. I remember a woman approached me and asked me if I would consider letting her insert something into me. It looked like she either had a massive dildo or she actually had a penis on her female body. I remember agreeing and she asked if I thought it might be too big. I took a good look (lol) and said it was fine. When she inserted it, I felt a wave of energy and woke.

The area of my second chakra was achy and it stayed achy for some time after. I felt healing energy pouring in through my back also and thought about how, in the past when the K would rise in a similar way, I would have an ache there. I knew there was a blockage in my second chakra. I asked my guidance to help me get rid of it ASAP and was told it couldn’t happen fast as there were many, many layers to it and it would be unwise. 

Dream: Visit with Ray

I was in my mom’s bathroom (cleansing the inner self), the one I use to use as a child/teenager. I was on my hands and knees with a long handled scrub brush like one would use to clean a toilet but I was cleaning the bathtub (desire for greater intimacy in life). The tub was covered in a bluish (throat chakra) colored substance that had thickened and begun to dry out. In the dream I knew I had started to clean the tub but never finished and the cleaner had been left awaiting my return. As I began to scrub I felt Ray’s presence behind me. We talked about my cleaning of the tub itself and he pointed to a wire rack next to it. The rack had peeling paint on it that was starting to come off. He pulled on it and it came off in long, elastic pieces. I helped and what was left was exposed metal. I resumed cleaning the tub, scrubbing the blue cleaner off easily. 

Then we were in my mom’s kitchen (nourishment). We mainly just talked. There was no intense energy, just friendly conversation and enjoying one another’s company. I felt completely at ease and relaxed and I think he did, too. I don’t remember what all we talked about but at one point he sat on top of my mom’s dryer (laundry is in the kitchen near the back door). He seemed to be talking about something important to him, something private or intimate. So he was opening up and being vulnerable. I sensed this and inched closer to him to the point that I was standing situated between his legs. He was up high, so my upper abdomen was right between his legs and my face was just a little bit lower than his own. Our closeness felt appropriate and, again, there was no crazy, intense energy, just affection and openness to one another. 

This is when someone came by the back window and knocked. I went up to see what it was about. It was a woman with her kids all dressed to swim with towels and everything. She inquired if the pool (healing waters) was open and said she had $100 to pay for the season. I told her my mom had long ago closed the pool and, though it was in good shape, she could not swim. I did consider letting them but opted not to. The woman left and I told Ray about it and how, at one point, the neighbors would come over to swim all the time. I remember how the pool and area looked. The pool itself was aqua and clear (clear emotion) and the surroundings littered with lawn chairs but otherwise tidy. 

When I woke I was extra alert to the fact that Ray was in my dream. I also still felt the healing energy in my lower abdomen. I wondered about the dream and whether it indicated I would receive communication from him soon. 

Dream: Corndogs on the Bus

The dreams with Ray continued. He picked me up and took me to a school bus (important life journey). I had with me a box of corndogs (simple pleasures in life) and asked him if he wanted one. I told him I could cook it real fast in the microwave. He indicated he did as we walked up the steps of the bus. I asked if he thought the others would want one, saying I probably had enough. That is when I noticed how full the bus was. I mentioned that I may not have enough after all and looked at the box to see, moving the corndogs around to get an inventory. I looked at the people inside and there was a variety to include mothers with children. Trying to solve the problem of insufficient corndogs, I thought perhaps we could prioritize the children. This is where the dream ended.

Corndogs symbolize the simple pleasures in life, relaxation and satisfaction, wealth and success, companionship and loyalty. I was offering this to my friend and then to the people on the bus which means I want others to share in my experience. When I see I may not have enough then I prioritize the children. I think this dream shows how generous I am in general, especially when I feel happy. 

Messages

I’ve been seeing 1111 quite frequently and have been noting it. The pic here is one time I notice and took a screenshot of my phone. Only after did I see the song playing and how the name relates to the Kundalini – Fuel to Fire.

I had a dream the night before last that relates to the above.

Dream: Second Stage 

I was sitting at my computer writing in my blog. When I pressed “post” the wrong blog post appeared on the screen. It said it was from 2016. I panicked because I didn’t want to write everything again. I tried to recover what was lost and found it didn’t work. Instead, certain words in the post became bolded. After some nudging by my guidance I calmed down and began to pay attention to the bolded words. What I recall now is the words “second stage” and the complete sentence was that I was now in the second stage. Other than that, I can’t remember any of the other bolded words despite reading all of them. I only remember the year 2016 and “ascension”.  That was the year that I had the meeting with my heart connection (Ray) and told my now-ex that I wanted a divorce. That was also the year my heart connection disappeared from my life of his own choice to avoid becoming entangled in the karma of the situation.  

Reflection

The year 2016 and message “second stage” stand out. I looked through my blog and noticed that year was full of Kundalini activity, messages, and significance in general. The year began with a post about recognizing the walk-in situation. This is something Ray and I discussed in our most recent conversation. I told him I didn’t feel the walk-in was real and yet this post indicates otherwise. I also found a post specifically about “the next stage“, so perhaps it is relevant? There was a post called Velantium also. I looked up the word and it translates to “covering or veiling”, something I never mentioned in the post itself. Finally, there were several posts about Atlantis. 

2016 was a very exciting year! I didn’t have time to look through all the posts but man oh man was I ever accelerating! If I am in fact picking up where I left off, then I wonder what it will entail?