Tag Archives: life

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Ghost Child

Earlier this year, my son kept hearing a child say his name and also “Help me” when he had on his headphones. I suggested he not use his headphones and the child voice went away for a while. Then he told me he heard it without his headphones on. My daughter chimed in and said, “OMG, does it say, ‘Help me’?” He nodded, eyes wide in disbelief. I realized then and there the voice was not someone hacking my son’s headphones but likely someone in Spirit. I told them, “Don’t worry. I will handle it.”

After they left for school I tuned in and tried to locate the Spirit. I found two young girls, one pretty small and the other one a bit older. I told the older of the two that they were scaring my children and to stop trying to communicate with them. I felt a response back that they were scared and searching for a way home. I instructed them to go to the Light and sent one of my guides to help them.

The activity stopped.

Until this morning.

I was having a dream about the rattle I often hear in my bathroom when the a/c is on. Yesterday I determined it was coming from the shower curtain rod. In the dream, a contractor was in my house and noticed the rattle. I told him it was the shower rod. He began to investigate and I heard a quiet voice in the background of the dream say, “Help me“. I remember noticing it in the dream and choosing to ignore it.

I went back to dreaming but something pulled me away from my dream and I instantly became lucid. As I felt myself shift back to waking reality I heard a small child’s voice, trembling in fear, say, “Help me.” It was a desperate cry for help and it sounded like the voice of a little boy, but honestly I cannot be sure since when children are very young they sound similar regardless of gender.

The voice was so real I immediately snapped into full awareness. I did not open my eyes. I located the source of the voice to my left, hovering as if the child were standing right over top of me. I did not mentally see a form or face. It was just an energy. I told the child, “I can’t help you. Please go to the Light.” I realized it may be the same child from the apartment. It probably was, actually. This came with the realization that it followed me. Sigh. I put up protection and the energy dissipated. I felt bad but it was 5am and I wanted more sleep.

Since I just recently saw a full on apparition at my country home, this incident has me wondering what is going on. Is my Light somehow attracting Spirit again when, for so long, it seemed they didn’t even notice my existence? Or maybe it is me and my willingness to use my spiritual abilities that is suddenly attracting them?

Whatever the reason, this small child’s voice pulled at my heart strings. It did cross my mind that this child could be something else, something not so nice. I have heard that demons (if you believe in such things) will disguise themselves as a child. So, just in case, I will refortify the space and my own energy with protective measures. Time to get out the sage and maybe put down some more salt.

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Dream, Vision and White Heron Feathers

Lots to report in a short time. Here we go…

First the White Heron Feathers. I found four in different locations on a morning walk. I took a path I have not walked in a while (also symbolic ha!). This was last Sunday. White Herons come in flocks to my pond and the adjacent pond. This time of year there are more than usual. However, I have only ever found one feather in the past. To find four on one walk was surprising.

The White Heron symbolizes patience, good fortune and Divine timing. Finding four of them brings in the energy of the number 4 which is often connected with the four directions, the four elements, balance and stability.

I was feeling somewhat disheartened that morning and it seemed to be confirmation from my guidance that my patience will pay off.

And then last night, prior to bed, I asked my guides to show me “what I am suppose to do” in this stage of my life. I did not expect an answer.

Dream: Mediumship

As posted this morning in my personal journal.

In the dream I was sitting at a table with some classmates. One looked like a girl I knew in high school. We’ll call her Nancy. All the seats were taken and I asked Nancy if I could sit next to her. It felt like she was somewhat snobby or a know-it-all but also like she was annoyed that I was there. She told me it was okay and I sat down making sure to avoid her sleeve which was covered in a nice, silk blouse sleeve that I could see through. 

It felt like the group of women I was with was talking about business matters. I remember hearing someone mention something that needed doing. Another woman in the group suggested a courier. Nancy was listening and asked, “Do you even know what a courier does?” I told her I knew and described what they do by saying they are similar to an office aid who goes between the office and some other place either taking items of importance back and forth or who completes other tasks that have to do with several offices, like a go-between. Nancy nodded her head but said I was almost correct.

The rest of the dream was a discussion about the importance of the work to be done and further elaboration on what the work involves. I do not recall the other woman being there during this discussion. Instead it seemed like Nancy was conveying this information to me personally. As the dream began to break up and I gained lucidity, it was clear the work in question was mine. I was responding to Nancy as I woke saying, “So you are talking about mediumship”. As I woke I felt mediumship was the gift that allowed me to do this kind or work.

When I woke I was seeing a visual of a person in between the physical and spiritual realms. It felt like I was being asked to be more than a medium but a representative trusted with valuable information from one realm, the realm of spirit, to another, the physical. It reminded me of channeling, though I do not think it is just that. 

Vision: Y-Tube and Communion

My morning was hectic with some surprise elements (personal things I will save for another time). I was tired because I had only slept 5hrs. I tried to sleep and “rested” for about two hours. During that time my mind mostly wandered and then, at some point, I became aware of a mental voice that was not my own.

I was thinking about this morning’s dream and during this time is when I noticed a guide was conversing with me. I believe I had been asking for another K connection at the time. He was asking me to consider what I required to do my work. Would I require a person I was physically connected to who I also met in person? Or would it be okay to have a connection with someone who also has a physical body but I did not meet in person? Or maybe someone who is not here physically? I said I preferred to come into physical contact with the other person. I am okay with dreams any time, but it is lonely and I feel adrift without someone to anchor me here. 

I then asked about the experiences I’ve had – what exactly is the Kundalini connection that I experienced? Like, how does it work? This type of connection is what I desire so I wanted to know exactly what was occurring because it felt like I was merged into one with another.

I was shown very clearly a tube like one would use in a science lab but it was in the shape of an inverted Y. It was sitting on a nightstand along with other items as if part of a room’s decor. The tube is apparently a real thing, known as a Y-Tube.

I was also shown and heard the name of one of my Light Code Oracle cards: Communion. In that card there are three circles coming together but not fully merged and it looks like a Venn Diagram.

The empty Y-Tube may be symbolic for an open channel. The top part is Universal consciousness or Source. The bottom of the Y is a split into dual receptacles. This indicates that Source is coming down and equally distributing into two individuals who are sharing in the Divine. 

So, what I was thinking about the two becoming one is actually one energy dividing itself to experience two bodies simultaneously. 

The Communion card is three circles joining. One circle is one individual’s consciousness (feminine), the other is the partners individual consciousness (masculine) and the last is Source of which we are both tuning into simultaneously. 

The entire message is profound and I am still digesting it. It is not something I did not already have awareness of but it was surprising the way my guide came into my thoughts. I had been on the edge of sleep and wake but not quite fully in the in-between when it occurred. My dream last night seemed to indicate a direction, one I had asked for previous to sleep, and it is not usual that I actually get instruction like this. It is clear that my purpose has to do with bridging the physical and the spiritual and now, with the symbolism provided during my meditation, it seems the Kundalini is part of my work. I am not really surprised. Why wouldn’t it be? 

I also did not realize how important the Communion card was. I drew that card not long ago in a reading for myself on May 25, 2025. It was the center card of three. The first card was Breakthrough, the last was Reflect. FYI: When I painted the Reflect card I was reminded of the “mirror” one experiences with Divine connections (some call them Twin Flames, I call them Heart Connections). However, following my dream and vision today, I believe it to be a good representation of what my guidance just relayed to me. There is a central symbol and it is receiving and transmitting beams of blue (information).

Regardless of all of the above, I have been asking to be guided towards my life’s purpose or work now and I feel very strongly it is linked to a partner, most likely a partner who I am able to come into Union with. My instructions appear to be that I am here as a medium but my work is not only to connect to Spirit for those who have lost loved ones, but also to connect to Divine Beings such as what some call ascended masters. When I come into contact with these Beings I don’t like to categorize them except to say they feel very ancient and contain great knowledge. It is this knowledge I am told I am here to convey. 

Oddly, I am not very inspired or moved by all of the above. Maybe because of today’s mundane events and the issues likely to arise from them. I am very calm considering all that has happened today. Oh and we got rain for the first time in a long while today also. When it rains, it pours I guess. 😉

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Dream: Venus in Aries

How about that full moon energy!? [eyeroll]

Lots of random, stressful things happened, but nothing so big I couldn’t handle it. For example, the weekend before last was a bit odd energy-wise. That Friday I was in a rush to go somewhere despite my guidance suggesting I slow down. As soon as I started to drive I got a low tire pressure warning. I went back home and aired up my tire and then left again despite yet another nudge to slow down and just “stay home”. Still rushing (and there was NO reason to), I clipped the bottom of my garage door, partially tearing my spoiler off my car and dislocating the roller off the door track. The garage door was undented and works fine with readjustment. I did, however, have to fix my flat and the spoiler. Total cost: $360.

The next day I opted to stay home all day because I could still sense that crazy, hurried energy. I got a call from my daughter that afternoon. She was frantic. She had lost her keys, including her key fob. She had to pay $300 to replace her dorm keys and she was crying and stressing.

All of the issues have been resolved, now, and I am surprised how calm I remained despite it all. It is proof I have grown. However, yesterday I discovered a leak in a pipe located between my country home and the garage guest room. Again, I got the hectic, almost frantic energy but chose to sit through it on my drive home. Once it passed, I called my step-father and my brother. I asked my brother to dig up the pipe. I asked my step-father to fix it. My step-father is going to fix it today. Also today, my daughter is getting a new fob and it is costing her $400.

These are just annoyances for me mostly but my mom has also had lots of things break (two of which were plumbing related) and told me about it this past weekend. I think it must have been something with the energy because WOW. So much crap in such a short time.

On a positive note, I have discovered that my long held belief that I cannot predict future events for family members is incorrect. I have now correctly predicted several things for my daughter, specifically job-related. Huh. I guess, though, I should know there really is no limit except the ones I place on myself. I had no issue predicting things for my first husband after we divorced. Why shouldn’t I be able to help my daughter? The only problem is she is now calling me all.the.time asking for more predictions, especially pressing me to tell her what she wants to hear. I have had to reel her in, reminding her that I am not able to see everything and life is meant to have mystery. She doesn’t like that at all. At least I know she believes in me, which feels nice.

Okay, on to a dream I wanted to share.

Dream: Venus in Aries

I was inside my house, which was a very grand mansion, and found two boxes left to me by my sister. I opened them and they were brand new baby bottles. I remember thinking, “Who would need that many bottles?” and also that I definitely didn’t need any since I did not have a baby. 

I remember conversing with someone online briefly. Then I went to this bar type restaurant where I was to meet a man who was in town on business for a few days. I took my son with me. 

The space was very golden in color (safe, protected space) and full of people mingling. The man was standing at the bar (space of connection) talking to another man and saw me before I saw him. When I saw him I froze. He was beautiful. I immediately lost the ability to speak coherently and started to walk away, hiding my face because I was wearing my glasses and felt ugly. I felt unprepared for meeting this man. He would surely reject me because of how beautiful he was and how ugly I felt. I remember looking for a my son who was running about like a child tends to do. I was planning on leaving. The man followed me. He smiled when I hid from him and came up and lifted my face up to his gently, looking directly at me. He told me he liked my glasses and that he had glasses also. He wanted to know if I was interested in continuing our date and I nodded, speechless. He talked and laughed, telling me about himself and his work, saying he was into information processing or something similar. He had a room in the adjacent hotel upstairs where he was staying with a coworker.

At some point I relaxed and accepted that this man liked me. I remember him discussing the energies with me, mentioning Venus. He said about the connection he was feeling with me, “I wonder what planet Venus is in. It must be Scorpio”. I corrected him and said, “I think Venus is in Aries”. When I said this, the electric energy I felt between us was very hard to resist and I could tell he felt it, too. I leaned into him, almost melting into his arms when he caught me, finally giving into the feeling. We kissed and it felt like my insides turned to warm jelly. We made out there in the middle of the bar area with people all around. I remember thinking it inappropriate but I chose not to stop. I didn’t care who saw me. The kisses were divine, his lips soft and our lips together seeming to merge into one.

I asked if I could see his room and he said yes, of course. He took me to a hallway but the hallway only extended a couple of feet and three stairs led up to a wooden landing. There were three doors with numbers on them. The middle door had a number that caught my attention but I can’t recall it now. My son, who had been lingering around the entire time, asked to use the restroom. The man showed him the door on the left and my son went inside. The man opened the door in the middle and we went inside. The room was small with a bed and dresser only. The man immediately got on the bed, leaning up against the wall and relaxing. I cautiously entered and sat on the side of the bed. My son, much younger than he is in real life, came in and began playing on the floor. He was probably about the age of 4. I was distracted by my son but knew the man also had children, two. He motioned for me to come closer, which I did, and he embraced me. The energy of the connection woke me.

Interpretation

My interpretation is the dream mirrors some of what I have been feeling lately. I miss feeling alive, I miss feeling how alive I feel when I feel desire(d).

It also feels like a continuation from a message I received before bed. I asked my guidance what I should be doing and I heard, “Keep looking for a man”. I didn’t feel this was a good action to take and went to sleep.

The man I met in the dream was absolutely beautiful, I must say. He glowed and his smile and eyes bedazzled me. I don’t recall what he looked like except for the way his energy appeared/felt, though. This is similar to another dream I recently had. I am not sure what Venus in Aries means but perhaps it has something to do with the electric attraction we felt? I did look up my Venus, which is in Leo. Leo and Aries is a wonderful attraction. My first husband was an Aries. The fire is real but it can burn out fast if it is not stoked.

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Pre-Eclipse Dream About Acceptance

The eclipse energies are coming in and I can feel them. For me, it seems the energy amplifies something I’ve already been experiencing lately. It is a feeling of two distinct me’s, one that is ready to take on the world and another who wants to withdraw and retreat. Another thing the eclipse energy is doing is showing me that it is time to start moving away from reliance upon others for my financial and material needs and begin relying on myself. 

Dream: Growth

This dream came early this morning. In the dream I was in the 1800’s. It reminded me of the show Outlander. My ex in this life was my husband in the dream. Where we lived was a nicer house that was dank and gray inside, so perhaps a castle-like structure. We had children and I spent much of my day to day tending to them and the house. I remember my ex was very involved in the community. It was a small community and everyone knew everyone. As the children grew my ex became more and more distant, busier with his duties and other community involvements, leaving me alone most of the time. We had two boys who grew strong and I was very proud of them. 

While I watched my children grow and change, turning into strong and capable men, I saw myself grow older, frailer and smaller. I saw the contrast of how growth and change occurred. For me, it was slower, harder to detect. For my boys it was easy to see. But what about growth and change one cannot see on the outside? I felt I had grown so much, maybe even more than my boys. So why did no one notice? Because it was not obvious like it is when one grows into an adult. And while I was growing inside, on the outside I seemed to be stagnating; withering away. Yet for the boys, growth on the outside mirrored the growth on the inside. This realization saddened me.

One day I returned from town and found my ex holding up a wall against some invaders. He planned to drop it on them and crush them all. Our boys were behind the wall with him. I put up my hand to try and stop him and he laughed at me, commenting on my big heart and how I tried to save everyone. He told me I would not be able to save these people and began to move in a way suggesting a poor outcome for the people. I somehow managed to get him to let me get my bag which was behind the wall with him. Inside the bag were medicines that could heal. I hurried behind the wall, grabbed my bag and stepped away. In that instant my husband had made a decision. He chose to reject me and selected another wife, discarding me like a piece of food scrap. What was worse was that no one cared. Everyone in the community followed his lead and not one person seemed to notice I was gone. I despaired because I knew this was the end for me. No one would come to my rescue and I would be alone until the end of my days.

At the end of the dream, I stood on the edge of a cliff facing the turbulent and dark waters of the ocean below. The sky was gray and the landscape dreary. The wind whistled and howled. At the same time in my memory I saw those same waters calm and inviting. I could see the greenery of the land around and it felt peaceful and inviting. The stark contrast of the two tore at my heart.

Realization

I woke in tears as the realization of all the dream represented hit me full force. The most unfair part was how no one could see how much I had grown. All they could see was what I presented to them via my physical form and actions. They did not have access to my internal world, to the wins and loses, the difficult decisions that tore at my heart or the reasons behind my actions. They formed opinions quickly, believing what their physical eyes saw, and discarded any evidence to the contrary. It saddened me that my children would have to endure this, also. It saddened me that no one, not even my own mother, really knew who I was. It saddened me that I will never fully be known as long as I am in this physical form. That is all I have ever really wanted and it is not meant to be. Not in this place.

I also cried because I felt the part of the dream where I knew I would be alone until this life ended was true. I need to accept that the possibility is high that I will never love, never feel chosen, never have closeness, never feel vulnerable again. This was it and there was no point in wasting my time reminiscing about what was or what could have been or despairing about what will never be. Acceptance is paramount. 

My thoughts centered on how hard I have tried in this life to show others who I am. I have, up until this point in my life, performed how others wanted me to. All this was done out of a desire to be known, to be seen, to be validated. The dream revealed this was and never will be a means to that end.

Of course my guidance came through full force reminding me that all is not lost and asking me to look within at my truth. Acceptance was encouraged. Acceptance doesn’t mean all is futile. Acceptance means understanding that my strategy was wrong. Acceptance guides me towards reevaluation. Acceptance leads to a lesson learned, not failure. 

Ultimately what transforms (growth) on the inside shines through on the outside. 

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Another House and Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract

My life direction continues to evolve as I allow the Universe to guide me on my intended path. So much to relay, so I will try to keep it short.

A little over a week ago now, I decided to meditate mid-afternoon. I was on day three of a cold and the previous two days had zapped my energy. Not surprisingly, I must have drifted off during my meditation. When I awoke, I had a solution to an on-going problem I was having with my ex.

The problem: My ex had been refusing to discuss altering the visitation schedule so that I could live full-time in my country home. With my apartment lease expiring in 60 days, I had to decide what to do. Renewing the lease felt wrong and I really, really wanted to have only one residence. However, my intuition kept nudging me to look at alternatives. Where in the past I would dig my heels in when it came to dealing with my ex, the anger had dissipated and I had shifted towards being more amicable and understanding of his circumstances. Still, I was accepting that I would just have to deal with the inevitability of another mediation once I started living full-time and could no longer follow the visitation schedule.

The solution: Upon waking, I had an idea to look at houses for sale in the school zone where my children attend school. When I saw the prices and the houses I knew I was going to buy a house. So the solution was buy a house, keep the schedule as is, and invest my money rather than see it go to rent month after month.

Honestly, this was not part of my original plan in any way, shape or form. I don’t like the suburbs, right? Well, I still did it and it was like a tidal wave of energy just flowed through me in that direction. I contacted a realtor that day and looked at houses the next. I found several in my price range, and made an offer last Thursday. Friday it was accepted as is, no changes. I close next Friday. Yeah, a two week closing. That is how it goes when you don’t go through a bank/need a mortgage.

So, soon I will own a nice, older home on almost a quarter acre of land in my sons’ school zone and within walking distance from my apartment and their father’s home.

I’ll share pics of the little house after closing. It is only 1038 sq ft. I like small, less to clean and I am closer to my boys, not spread across so much of a house that I forget they are there. I’ve enjoyed the smaller floorplan of my country home and the apartment and wanted the house to have that same feeling.

Onto the next surprise. I’ve been off all but one prescription and hormonal medicines for a month now. My sleep cycle has been hellish and I was tired of trying to figure out which pills to take to sleep night after night. At my last appointment I told my NP I wanted off all hormones and begged her for something to help me sleep, not a combination of somethings, one thing. I got a prescription for a low dose tricyclic antidepressant called Doxepin that when taken at low levels (10mg) acts like an antihistamine. Well, it worked and it is still working, night after night. I get a full 8 hours (sometimes more) of sleep every night. Hallelujah! And feel rested and have dreams and feel wonderful in the morning. And on the hormone side, well seems I am nowhere near menopause. My body thinks it is 30. No tiredness, no hot flashes (never had then to begin with), no brain fog, no aches and pains. I am in shock. I thought for sure I would be done by now. lol

With the kind of sleep I’ve been getting, my body has caught up I guess because now the dreams are returning and as vivid as ever. Last night I got a whammy of a dream, not something I’ve had in a long while.

Kundalini Dream: Potential Contract?

The dream began with me visiting what seemed like the HEB in a nearby town but it was empty like a warehouse and had no markings on it whatsoever. I was with some people but do not recall what they looked like or how many there were. We went into the covered area near the main entrance but did not go inside. Instead, we stood just outside. While there I believe I was told about a family who was from the area. I remember a mother telling her son to do things, like she was really controlling or maybe just very strict. There was a mistake made and a ton of educational booklets with the face of a child on the front were strewn all over the loading dock. The mom was upset and yelled.

I don’t know what transpired after that because I seemed to shift to another scene. I was above a road that looked like an old country road. All around was countryside consisting of fields dotted with trees. I believe I was with the son of the woman from before in the dream. We were discussing his life and he was telling me about land his family owned. I could hear someone else remind him that he had land, also. It felt like we were traveling to this land. The man asked me what kind of land I liked, and I said I liked land dotted with trees. 

We landed in this very old town, if you could even call it that. There were old, gray and dilapidated buildings scattered along a very unkept paved road. I don’t think many people lived there, if any. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to live here”. The place was not pleasant and I sensed that all the people who lived there were in everyone else’s business all the time and quite judgmental. 

At the end of the road the man and I stopped at a flatbed trailer that was not hitched to a truck. I could see we were at a high point and below us was a beautiful valley but it was far in the distance. We sat on the edge of it together and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe in his arms and melted into him. He bent down and kissed me and an intense, pleasurable energy hit me in the root and shot straight up to my crown. We lingered there exchanging soft kisses, caught up in our combined energy. 

He stood up and began pacing around. In the road below, the ground was broken wide open. I looked down and saw what appeared to be a red water pump. He told me it was the well to his land. I looked to the side and saw something that resembled a holding tank and said, “That must be the well”. 

The man left for a while. He was handling his family and their expectations of him. I sensed the karmic energy of his link with them and knew he was struggling, caught between what he wanted and his desire to do what they wanted. It was clear I had a strong and very deep connection to him and obvious that we were romantically involved. I could feel magnetic pull to him and I knew he felt it, too. My whole body and soul lit up when we were together and even when we weren’t I could feel it. I remember thinking to myself, “But he’s 15 years younger than me.” I didn’t agonize over this fact, it was just a thought as if I was responding to information being given to me. I do believe I was being given pertinent information about my future.

I remained there, sitting on the trailer, waiting for him, caught up in thoughts about our connection and the information I was receiving about what it entailed. Like with other men I have had this kind of connection with, I could almost taste his energy and via that perception was able to sense what he was like and how his past incarnations weaved together to form the tapestry that is his unique energetic signature. His energy felt childlike and innocent with a hints of adventure and curiosity blended with wisdom he had yet to tap into in this lifetime. I could see what his physical body looked like in this lifetime, too, but my memory of that is muddled now. All I know is he is white, tall, with a somewhat muscular physique and his light color hair. What I saw, felt and “tasted” was extremely attractive to me.

When he returned he was not wearing a shirt and I could not help but reach over and touch his chest, tracing my fingers lightly over it. We melted into each other and eagerly became lost in the spectacular ecstasy of our combined energy. He was preoccupied with his family dramas and I could sense this but he did not let it interfere with us. 

When he finally pulled away, I asked him where his shirt was. He picked up a filing cabinet and began to search through it. I thought, “That’s an odd place for a shirt”. There appeared to be nothing in its accordion sections but he found something. He pulled out two papers and laid them on the trailer in front of me. I glanced down at them. One looked like blueprints, the other…possibly a contract?  

Again, unable to resist each other, we began kissing, this time we ended up on the ground below the trailer. I could feel the blades of grass poking me as I melted into him. This went on for a short time but his family responsibilities interrupted and he had to go again, but this time his absence was brief.

When he returned, I was standing at the end of the trailer. He greeted me with a kiss and, again, the energy washed over me, this time pulsating to an intensity that I could not resist. Breathless, I told him, if this continued I would not be able to stop myself. I don’t think he cared because he did not pull away. I woke with the energy rising in my sleep body from root to crown. It stopped around my solar plexus and then ping-ponged between my three lower chakras for some time.

I couldn’t return to sleep because the dream felt so real and the energy spiked when I thought about the man. I questioned if this man was real and if I was being shown a future meeting. If so, I said to my guides, “Bring it on!” I felt a warning from them. I knew it was related to the karma this man was here to resolve. Sigh. Why does everything have to be so complicated? 

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Three Feathers and Just a Little Patience

Two nights ago I went to bed asking for clarity. I’ve had a lot of change in a short time and my mind is in overdrive. I have a tendency to think too far ahead and when I do I get overwhelmed, anxious and, ultimately, depressed. When I woke, I could not recall my dreams. Instead, I had a song going through my mind.

Said, “Sad woman, take it slow it’ll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience.”

It’s been a while since a song message has come through. It was, no doubt, from the new guide (or old since he seems familiar) who recently made himself known. He told me his name but I couldn’t quite catch it. I know it is only two letters long and a name less known, or maybe unknown, to my human self.

The message came after a recent email from my financial advisor indicating I can retire now if I want to. I am still looking for work but my heart is just not in it. I can’t help but feel this time in my life is for rest, recovery and healing. Still, I apply for jobs and I recently got offered a full-time position as a middle school counselor. I applied spur of the moment and knew immediately I would get offered the job. The interview confirmed it. As I was waiting for the official offer, I got information that solidified that I did not have to work anymore. It hit home and I began to second guess the offer, looking for red flags, which I found aplenty. Insomnia hit full force during the wait. It was horrendous, probably the worst I’d had in a couple of years. All because I was fighting two me’s – the one who knew I needed this time to rest and recover and the me who thought the job was perfect and exactly what I needed. When the offer came, I rejected it. Sleep returned not long after, confirmation that I chose correctly.

This morning, on my morning walk, I was still contemplating whether to work or not. Do I really want to retreat and recover? Won’t it make me go stir crazy? Won’t I be bored? When I think about what I really want right now, I keep getting that all I want is to sleep and have lazy days for a while. I want to get my country home ready for chickens and goats (chicken coop in progress). I want to take nature photos, make video shorts on YouTube and write in my journal/blog. I want to exercise and do yoga. I want to be alone when I want to be alone and be with people I love when I want to be with them. As my sleep schedule recovers, all I want to do in the morning is linger in bed relishing that amazing floaty feeling and dipping in and out of the in-between.

During my walk I came across two feathers. The first was a hawk feather. I found it at the beginning of my walk. The second was a Great Blue Heron feather which I found towards the end of my walk. I was holding the hawk feather in my hand when I found it.

Two feather messages on the first day of my birth month, three days away from my 50th birthday.

Hawk brings sharp focus, high-altitude vision, and a reminder to see the “big picture.” Hawk aligns with the element of air, representing intellect, mental clarity, and communication. Heron brings emotional alignment, reflection, and sacred space and aligns with the element of air representing emotion, healing and intuition. Finding both a heron feather and a hawk feather on the same walk creates a rare and powerful spiritual balance between patience and action. While the heron teaches patience and quiet reflection, the hawk encourages one to rise above the current circumstances and take decisive steps. This pairing means the heart and mind are aligning, providing the clarity to move forward.

Chiron Return Approaching

After this morning’s feather finds and message, my mind went to my Human Design Chiron Return reading last August when I was house sitting for my mom. Has it already been a year? Wow. I’m so glad that’s over. Anyway, I looked up my notes and did some more research. My Chiron is exact May 16, 2027 (my brother’s bday lol). However, I will begin to feel the effects of it long before. In HD my 2nd line body will feel the effects of Chiron by February 16, 2027.

My natal Chiron is in Gate 3, Line 3 (Difficulty at the Beginning: Individualism). Turns out my decision not to work now is beautifully aligned with my upcoming Chiron Return.

My core sacred wound is about formatting raw, chaotic energy into order. At line 3, this has historically manifested as material or creative trial-and-error—trying to force structure onto my resources before the timing was correct. Now, as a 6/2 coming off the roof, my focus on resources without traditional work is exactly how I am meant to reinvent my relationship with abundance.

February 16, 2027 (Cycle Design Date): The Somatic Ordering

  • The Body Level: The physical vehicle begins processing the mutation of Gate 3.3.
  • The Transition: The body is learning to hold resource security without relying on physical labor or survival-driven anxiety.
  • The Vulnerability: There is a feeling or deep physical pressure or restlessness to “do something” about money.
  • The Strategy: Trust the body’s design. A Line 2 Hermit needs to rest through this pressure. Allow the physical form to acclimatize to a state of receiving and ordering resources naturally, without active work.

May 16, 2027 (Cycle Date): The Conscious Mutation

  • The Mind Level: Consciously understanding on how to generate or manage wealth through pure alignment rather than effort.
  • The Realization: Rising above the trial-and-error wound of line 3. The realization that my unique presence and Cross of Contagion are what attract resources.
  • The Integration: I see the lack of traditional work not as a failure, but as a necessary phase of mastery. I step out as a Role Model (6th Line) who shows others how to bring order to material chaos by simply timing their energy correctly.

The gap between February and May bridges my unconscious survival fears with my conscious capacity for leadership.

Another change impacting me right now is that I am functioning as an Emotional Projector because of the influence of my Chiron Return. My identity and truth as a Self-Projected Projector comes from my G center and voice. An Emotional Projector has to “ride the emotional wave” before they are certain what to do. This is completely new to me, though I have often wondered if my daughter (Emotional Manifesting Generator) was teaching me how to ride the wave via my sensitivity to her emotional process.

I have two channels lighting up my solar plexus now that I don’t normally have: 41-30 and 19-39.

While the 41-30 brings a sweeping wave of fantasy and desire, the 19-39 adds an intense, tribal, and deeply personal physical layer to my emotions.

The 41-30 channel creates a high-pressure emotional wave that is intimately tied to anticipation. When it is out of alignment, it manifests as a restless, anxious urge to do something or to create an activity just to satisfy a vague feeling of expectation. Forcing myself to stay busy is just a coping mechanism to avoid sitting with the raw intensity of this new emotional wave.

Gate 19 is all about the fundamental need for resources, support, and tribal alignment. Gate 39 is the energy of provocation, obstruction, and finding what truly fits. This channel makes my physical body incredibly sensitive to environments, spaces, and the energetic frequency of other people. If an environment or a job doesn’t feel right, this channel will create an intense physical blockade and literally make me sick or completely exhaust me until I leave. Ouch!

Summary

My upcoming Chiron Return marks a major transition into my 6/2 Profile role-model phase, stepping down “off the roof” to heal a natal Gate 3, Line 3 wound by moving away from traditional, exhausting labor and toward authentic material alignment with my Cross of Contagion. The journey unfolds in two parts: a deep, unconscious body-level re-calibration starting on my Cycle Design Date (February 16, 2027), followed by a full conscious mind awakening on my Cycle Date (May 16, 2027). While my birth chart operates via Self-Projected Authority, a massive Pluto transit temporarily overrides this, shifting my Chiron cycle into an Emotional Projector blueprint by locking in the highly sensitive 41-30 and 19-39 channels of my Solar Plexus. Stepping away from work early in August is the correct move. It grants my open centers a vital six-month buffer to clear out decades of professional conditioning, allowing my insomnia to heal, and giving my nervous system the peaceful space it needs to acclimate to the intense energetic waves without guilt.

Edit: Another Feather

After I had posted this I was outside and at my feet was yet another feather! This one from a Pileated Woodpecker. 🙂 White Feathers/Stripes (Clarity & New Opportunities): White markings on the wings or face symbolize breaking through confusion, spiritual awakening, and the arrival of unexpected opportunities

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Epiphanies and Visits from the Past

On my drive to my cabin, as seems to be common lately, I had many epiphanies. First, earlier that morning, I realized some things about my relationship to my ex. I saw how we both entered into the relationship with good intentions and was able to see with clarity why I chose the paths I chose. I was able to look at both myself and my ex with great compassion and love. The feeling of it was relief and acceptance. Contemplating it further triggered some memories on my drive of my earlier life and the decisions I made. I saw myself doing the best I could with the limited memory and experience I had. I saw how my decisions and experiences created the person I am today – a tapestry of a life story nearly complete. I saw it – ME – as a beautiful masterpiece of compounded experience. I began to cry at the Knowing that I loved myself, even the past version who I have often been so critical of. When I had this thought, and while crying happy tears, my guidance asked, “Can you forgive yourself for what you didn’t know?” I knew I had. 

We come here into this physical experience without any memory of who we are. We do this purposefully. I could see how I, as the creator of this life, purposefully scripted the experiences to create the person I am today. One thing I saw especially was how, currently, I am counseling young people and learning how to be patient and loving as I guide them to make better decisions and navigate their problems. In doing this, I am also learning how to be patient and kind with myself, specifically the parts I feel “should’ve known better”. Should I have? Perhaps the lack of knowing in that past version of me was purposeful so that I would make decisions that would teach me and shape me into who I am today? I know it was! So, in seeing this, how can I blame myself for not-Knowing? I was – and still am – but a child of the Universe. In that moment I was able to see myself as my guides see me. You cannot force a person to listen, you cannot force them to accept something they are not ready to accept. My guidance offered their help, their support and their guidance. It was up to me to take it. I chose, more often than not, to “do it myself” (sound familiar?) and they let me. They were patient and loving with me, always there if I needed them, watching and nudging me along much like parents do with their small children or, even, as I have been doing with my own children and the children I counsel as part of my current job.

Visits from Old Friends

Last night while meditating a friend from the past visited me. She passed away a while ago from cancerI knew her only briefly. She was one of the first people I gave a mediumship reading to when I began exploring my abilities so many years ago. I almost missed her altogether, though. A fleeting image and memory of her floated almost indetectable through my mind. I saw it and recognized how out of place it was with the rest of the random thoughts and images floating across my mind. I knew it was more than a memory, it was my old friend stopping by for a visit. Of course, I could not remember her name and was a bit flustered by that. She didn’t mind. I asked her why she was there and she said to say hello. She told me she had been following my life, watching me and keeping tabs. I was surprised because we had known each other so briefly. I got a sense from her that in Spirit she and I know each other much more intimately than we ever did in life. She thanked me for helping her, saying I saw her illness and showing me how, during an aura scan, I noticed the blockage. I apologized because I didn’t remember (I don’t typically recall the specifics of readings I do). She told me she was returning the favor. I remembered her name and a flood of memory returned to me. I began to cry. In life she was beautiful, but in death she was glowing. I asked her about her son, her family, she said, “They are alright” seeming not to want to deter from the main reason for her visit. It was clear she was not there to pass a message on to them. She was there for me. 

As we talked, I told her, “I wish I was where you are.” She said, “Oh no! You stay. You’re amazing”. Telepathically she explain my Light is needed here. I also remember her saying, “You need a hug.” This made me cry and, as I felt the emotion rising, told her to stop. I immediately wished I hadn’t but she understood and I was reminded how I asked my father to do the same when he would visit me. It is because I feel so loved and don’t feel worthy of that love. As she left I heard very clearly, “Lilac”. I didn’t see one in my mind but I heard it. Then she said, “Look it up”. I knew she meant the symbolism of it. I thanked her.

A short while later, after looking up lilac symbolism, I felt a rush of warmth envelop me. It was the hug my friend had told me I needed. I sobbed. My friend was back but she was with others. Some familiar faces came to mind. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to them all. I knew they were there for support. They had said as much on another solo trip to my cabin. I didn’t fully comprehend what it meant then. I was too caught up in the chaos of my life to really put any attention on it. 

Recently an online friend of mine passed away. When I found out I was shocked and very suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and love I didn’t know was there. I began to cry and felt him close, a big smile on his face. I apologized for not reaching out to him more, specifically when he got married or when he sent me messages on IG. I was just too caught up in myself, in the chaos of my life. He immediately waved it off with a smile. I knew, somehow, similar to me and the friend I wrote about above, he and I were connected in Spirit in ways I never realized in this life. As he turned to leave, golden light surrounding him, he waved a white handkerchief, as if to say, “Surrender!” I believe now that it was a message to me. Surrender. Stop fighting what you know to be true and embrace your purpose.

And then, well, there is Steven. My Companion Traveler. My main guide. He is here. He is observing, watching, but when I called for him, after years of no contact (seemingly), he came. Of course, I cried a bit, but his Light immediately reassured me. We may not hear or see our guide/guardian angel, but they are ALWAYS there. Seeing him indicates a Shift for me. It is likely much more than that, but for now I am just happy to have had a visit from him again. It has been too long!

Something truly magical is happening now. I feel it and I am overcome with gratitude and love for my life, even the parts that hurt. Each day I make a point to choose joy and gratitude. I am observing my thoughts, actions and tendencies, without judgement. Lovingly acknowledging what no longer serves me and choosing what does. I’ve not perfected it but how I feel day-to-day has shifted. As a result I am sleeping better and my blood pressure is going down (yay!). 

Please check out this book if you want to change, I mean REALLY change: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It has been what has helped me take years of lessons and Knowing and put it to use. It really is as simple as changing your mind.

FYI – I have updated my About and Services pages on my Daynaspirit.com website. I have also updated this blog so that there will be no more pesky advertisements. 🙂 Slowly but surely I am stepping into the life I want. I hope you will join me! So many possibilities!

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Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

Woke up from a Kundalini dream at 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. 

Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

I was visiting my heart connection. It seemed like he was showing me his past. This part of the dream is not as clear as the rest but I recall his mom being present and somehow knew we were in California. I have seen pictures of her and she was much younger in the dream and seemed vibrant and full of energy. It felt like he was showing me this part of his life to explain his connection to his mom. What I recall the most is that he was very preoccupied with the task at hand, his energy very active and rushed. 

The dream shifted to a more rural area (deeper emotional goal). It felt like rural Georgia and there was a sense that my heart connection was nearby and I was visiting him. I was taking two dogs (loyalty to two different aspects), one large and one small (seeking balance), for a drive down an unfamiliar road. As I drove the road suddenly shifted to a white dirt road (shift to subconscious). Something about seeing the dirt road caused me to worry I would get lost so I decided to slow down and find a place to turn around. I pulled into a half circle driveway to turn around and two older ladies approached me. My car disappeared (slower pace where I am more vulnerable and grounded) and I was now walking the dogs on leashes. The women were friendly, asking if I was from around there and while we talked the larger dog started to wander away. I noticed I had lost grip of its leash and I told the women, “I can’t chase him or he’ll run.” I explained to them how to get him to return and sure enough he circled around happily, greeted them with sniffs and sat down (I’ve learned not to force connections). 

Then I was inside an unfamiliar bedroom (shift from journey stage to one of waiting) laying on a large bed. It felt like I was in my heart connection’s bedroom (view of his inner world). I was clothed in a tank top and shorts laying mostly on top of the covers (not yet fully integrated). The room itself was dark (unconscious) in color and somewhat large. I believe there was a dresser with a mirror near the foot of the bed (self-reflection, inner truth). To my left was the door. I remember mulling over memories of a dream conversation I had with my heart connection prior to this moment in time. I only recall flashes of the dream here. There is a sense of his journey and movement or progression along a planned path. There was also a sense of his mindset and feelings to include that he still had some work to do in regards to the karma he was settling with his mother. 

Though I don’t remember it now I feel like the dream was overlaying another dream in which I was actually with him having this discussion. I’ve had this happen frequently in dreamtime.

At some point I pulled down the right side of my tank top (vulnerability, self-exposure). I don’t know why I did this. I have faint memory of having exercised and feeling hot only I never got up out of the bed. From my right I felt my heart connection come out of the shadows. He leaned over me. There was an immediate burning sensation in my heart chakra as if it was burning straight through me. The sensation was like the fire of desire I usually feel in the lower chakras only it was in my heart. He leaned over me, kneeling partially on the bed, and kissed me four times (grounding of the spiritual fire into reality), each time the fire in my chest grew seeming to expand and envelope us both. 

He ended up over the top of me and I suddenly felt exposed; naked. He was too and I could feel he was aroused. Concerned for him, I pulled in my left knee to block him getting any closer. I knew he wasn’t ready. I knew I wasn’t ready. He slowly withdrew, looked directly at me and said, “Thank you.” We shared a moment of mutual understanding and then he stood up. He was no longer naked but clothed (symbolizes getting back to work). Seeing his clothes, I immediately covered my exposed breast and said to him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to…”. Unconcerned, he walked to the door and began to leave, explaining he had to go but would come right back when he was done. I got the sense that he was going to finish his karmic work. It’s like he was explaining, “I am so close, just not quite done yet. I’ll come back, I promise.”

Him leaving was heart wrenching. The fire in my heart was burning but I was in agony. I couldn’t reconcile the longing I was experiencing with the Knowing that it was not yet time. I was also struggling with memory of the previous pain, the decimation I experienced, when he left the first time. The intensity of emotion and the heart fire woke me. 

Reflection

The first thing I felt was panic. Memory flooded in along with the question I had asked all those years ago and was asking again, “Why is this happening to me?” My guides were close and reminded me I had chosen this. Knowing flooded in and I felt the same agony I felt in the dream. All I could say to them was, “I can’t [do this again]”. 

Last summer I was told I had chosen the fast-track. So, so much has happened since then. I am just now feeling somewhat settled and steady. I am getting ready to make even more changes to my life, changes that I feel are more in alignment with who I am. It won’t be easy and I get that, but I was not expecting this. If the Kundalini returns it will most definitely complicate things.

If I am suppose to finish what was started, fine, I get it. Leaving work unfinished is unwise, especially work of this nature.

The dream gave me perspective I didn’t previously have. I understand where my heart connection is coming from and how he has changed. And boy has he changed! His energy is different, more decisive and confident. I cannot recall one dream with him in it from my past where he did what he did in this dream. He was always hesitant. Not anymore. It feels like he is stepping fully into his masculinity.

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Recall: A Goal of My Higher Self

2/10/26 

My mind was oddly blank. I heard, “So what is next?” I answered, “I guess it’s time to find another man.” This really made feel deflated inside because there was a Knowing I planned it that way. I wondered why I couldn’t be more self-sufficient or Self-motivated – pave my own distinctive path? Unexpectedly I heard myself say, “That is why I chose to be female because it makes it easier to be passive when I tend to want to dominate”. 

It felt so True when I said it to myself and I Know it is exactly why I chose a female form. I remember the reality of being female hitting me around age 10 when my breasts started forming. I really dreaded becoming a woman. Back then I thought it was just because of how  women are treated, but it was more that it had to do with the position it put me in and its overreaching purpose in my life.

Funny but being passive does not seem easier at first but there is Knowing that if I had been male my goal would’ve been extremely difficult to achieve. 

Is this what I am here to learn? How to gracefully allow others to shine while I bow out? I see a visual of me bowing and motioning away from myself as if to say, “Your turn”, acknowledging that others are as worthy as I am rather than stealing the spotlight and accolades for myself.

Is it possible that I am here to build up others instead of myself and in doing so learn the value in doing so? To be an unseen hero in the lives of those I’ve overpowered or stomped out in previous incarnations?

If so, then I have failed in doing so for those closest to me and for that I am truly sorry. 

Motherhood most definitely assists me in that goal at least! And being a Projector has also! Oh damn!! I can see how I planned these aspects of my chart to complement my goals. 

It is clear to me this goal is part of an overall plan of many lifetimes to work on my character. It is specifically to “even it out” so as to not be more dominant or more passive but somewhere in the middle. I have tended towards a more dominant nature and would like to “correct” that about myself. As I type this an analogy comes to mind. It is like perfecting a “recipe”, adding and taking away ingredients and doing taste tests along the way until the final dish tastes exactly right. It is truly about my own goals to perfect myself based upon what I view as perfect. I can also see how very slow the progress has to be. It is not all done in one lifetime but over the course of many. I don’t know exactly how many. I believe I have already lived quite a few with this goal in mind because I have recollection of them. If I were to try to force too much character change into one lifetime it would backfire.

I wish I could relay how truly amazing it was to recall this about myself. Now, as I type it out nearly 24hrs later, it seems almost pointless to document.

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Spontaneous Poetry

It has been a strangely revelatory day. I think I finally see some things clearer. Spontaneously, I made a voice recording in an attempt to describe what I was experiencing and below is what came out of my mouth:

I left you in my heart a long time ago.
Only echoes remain.
The distance just grew wider, yet
for some reason I remained.
It was only when I saw you,
truly saw what you could be,
that I decided to go the distance,
I decided to just be me. 

And then this:

In the darkness, in the sorrow,
wretched tangle of misery,
sprouts a leaf on the morrow from a twig that once was me.
A haze forms in the distance, 
a silhouette of something – a mystery, 
only as I gather strength, 
the courage to understand
does that figure slowly turn and look 
before fading into memory. 

And still more….

The shallow breath of a wretched heart
twisted and tangled up inside itself
begging to be freed
oozing from an unseen wound
bleeding notes of regret and abandon 
as it sings a warning to the future:
“Do not tread this way for the path has crumbled 
and is strewn with intolerance of what once was 
and never will be again”.

And finally:

I gave this one a title.

You & Me 

I saw you in myself today,
unseen, desperate, invisible.
No one heard you, no one saw,
when you crumpled to the floor
exhausted, your pleas gone unheard,
your heart broken, desperate to be touched.

I felt you in my tears today, never-ending, 
from a well deep within 
that was filled over the years
by my silence in the face of your agony.

I heard you in my voice today,
defiant and rebellious,
withstanding all forces 
with the last ounces of your strength, 
fist pounding, 
blood boiling, 
eyes wild,
choking on the whispers of the truth 
I couldn’t see.

I felt you in my heart today,
deep in the bottom, 
near the end of the path we traveled together.
There you will remain, 
wrapped in ribbon,
tied in string, 
bundled up 
until I’m ready to open the gift you left for me.

The first felt to be about my ex as I spoke but after I read it I feel it is about myself.
As are the two that follow, each a different aspect of my journey to this point in time.

The last is me recognizing myself in my ex; we are one and the same. I try to express it the best I can, but even now I feel the words are not enough. When I began to speak aloud “I felt you in my heart today”, I choked on tears and it took me a while to continue. That one was the kicker I think because I honestly didn’t think I had anything left in my heart for my ex.

What is interesting is that all of these words came to me independently of one another, without any consideration of what they would say when they came together.

All this because today I had to go through all my texts with my ex since January in preparation for the upcoming mediation. I was at work and somehow no one disturbed me. The time passed without me even noticing. By the end I felt transformed somehow. I think it was my looking at everything from outside of it that did it. 

Final takeaway (the gift perhaps?): I have always wanted my ex to truly SEE me. It seems I rarely saw him. How can I expect someone to see me if I refuse to see them first?