Tag Archives: eclipse

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Pre-Eclipse Dream About Acceptance

The eclipse energies are coming in and I can feel them. For me, it seems the energy amplifies something I’ve already been experiencing lately. It is a feeling of two distinct me’s, one that is ready to take on the world and another who wants to withdraw and retreat. Another thing the eclipse energy is doing is showing me that it is time to start moving away from reliance upon others for my financial and material needs and begin relying on myself. 

Dream: Growth

This dream came early this morning. In the dream I was in the 1800’s. It reminded me of the show Outlander. My ex in this life was my husband in the dream. Where we lived was a nicer house that was dank and gray inside, so perhaps a castle-like structure. We had children and I spent much of my day to day tending to them and the house. I remember my ex was very involved in the community. It was a small community and everyone knew everyone. As the children grew my ex became more and more distant, busier with his duties and other community involvements, leaving me alone most of the time. We had two boys who grew strong and I was very proud of them. 

While I watched my children grow and change, turning into strong and capable men, I saw myself grow older, frailer and smaller. I saw the contrast of how growth and change occurred. For me, it was slower, harder to detect. For my boys it was easy to see. But what about growth and change one cannot see on the outside? I felt I had grown so much, maybe even more than my boys. So why did no one notice? Because it was not obvious like it is when one grows into an adult. And while I was growing inside, on the outside I seemed to be stagnating; withering away. Yet for the boys, growth on the outside mirrored the growth on the inside. This realization saddened me.

One day I returned from town and found my ex holding up a wall against some invaders. He planned to drop it on them and crush them all. Our boys were behind the wall with him. I put up my hand to try and stop him and he laughed at me, commenting on my big heart and how I tried to save everyone. He told me I would not be able to save these people and began to move in a way suggesting a poor outcome for the people. I somehow managed to get him to let me get my bag which was behind the wall with him. Inside the bag were medicines that could heal. I hurried behind the wall, grabbed my bag and stepped away. In that instant my husband had made a decision. He chose to reject me and selected another wife, discarding me like a piece of food scrap. What was worse was that no one cared. Everyone in the community followed his lead and not one person seemed to notice I was gone. I despaired because I knew this was the end for me. No one would come to my rescue and I would be alone until the end of my days.

At the end of the dream, I stood on the edge of a cliff facing the turbulent and dark waters of the ocean below. The sky was gray and the landscape dreary. The wind whistled and howled. At the same time in my memory I saw those same waters calm and inviting. I could see the greenery of the land around and it felt peaceful and inviting. The stark contrast of the two tore at my heart.

Realization

I woke in tears as the realization of all the dream represented hit me full force. The most unfair part was how no one could see how much I had grown. All they could see was what I presented to them via my physical form and actions. They did not have access to my internal world, to the wins and loses, the difficult decisions that tore at my heart or the reasons behind my actions. They formed opinions quickly, believing what their physical eyes saw, and discarded any evidence to the contrary. It saddened me that my children would have to endure this, also. It saddened me that no one, not even my own mother, really knew who I was. It saddened me that I will never fully be known as long as I am in this physical form. That is all I have ever really wanted and it is not meant to be. Not in this place.

I also cried because I felt the part of the dream where I knew I would be alone until this life ended was true. I need to accept that the possibility is high that I will never love, never feel chosen, never have closeness, never feel vulnerable again. This was it and there was no point in wasting my time reminiscing about what was or what could have been or despairing about what will never be. Acceptance is paramount. 

My thoughts centered on how hard I have tried in this life to show others who I am. I have, up until this point in my life, performed how others wanted me to. All this was done out of a desire to be known, to be seen, to be validated. The dream revealed this was and never will be a means to that end.

Of course my guidance came through full force reminding me that all is not lost and asking me to look within at my truth. Acceptance was encouraged. Acceptance doesn’t mean all is futile. Acceptance means understanding that my strategy was wrong. Acceptance guides me towards reevaluation. Acceptance leads to a lesson learned, not failure. 

Ultimately what transforms (growth) on the inside shines through on the outside. 

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Progress and the Eclipse

We’ve been busy here for the last few weeks with a birthday (my youngest turned 10 on Easter), an eclipse and clearing the land. It seems like nearly every day something came up, either planned or unplanned. I’ve just been trying to keep up and get as much rest and downtime to myself as possible in between.

The eclipse was uneventful here. We had about 2 minutes of totality which came and went really fast. It was overcast, so me and the kids went about our normal day assuming we would not get to see much, if any, of the eclipse. Strangely enough, the clouds parted during totality. Ha! I got some nice shots with my new camera using a filter and even took a video but my dog was barking hysterically during totality thinking it was time to play.

I don’t recall any energetic shifts or spiritual events the days before, during or after the eclipse. It was, all-in-all, very uneventful and I didn’t think of it as awe-inspiring any more than the partial eclipse last summer. Regardless, it was cool to witness.

For me, our new land is more awe-inspiring. Every time I go there I am filled with gratitude and awe at the splendor and beauty of the place. I am also constantly reminded that I manifested it and will continue to manifest what I want it to become. To know in my heart that all will fall in line and I will get everything I desire causes me to choke up. I usually have to wipe tears from my eyes each trip there. Plus, nature loves to give me gifts when I am there.

For example, remember the turkey vultures? Well, I was clearing out an old shed in preparation for tearing it down when I heard an odd noise. It sounded like a cat growling or some kind of tiny animal warning me to stay away. When I looked up, I saw a tiny, white fluffball. A baby turkey vulture! It was hissing and growling and stomping its little foot to keep me away. So cute! Needless to say, we are not tearing down the shed until well after it has left the nest.

The baby vulture and its parents symbolize death and rebirth. Not only does this apply to the land but also to myself and my family. My children have all discovered the joy of fishing now and look forward to trip to the land. My husband has found new purpose and even made new friends. It brings me joy to see their joy. We are healing. The land is healing us.

I have also seen many wild ducks on our pond. Some are black with yellow bills and others are brown. They usually stay pretty far away from me, but just recently one came pretty close and I was able to get a video of it. I wish I’d had my new camera to get a good picture of it, but I only had my phone, so no picture – yet. I will get one eventually!

We’ve had an excavator on the property all week and Thursday we were able to check on progress. It has transformed so much! The excavator allows us to not only remove all the piles of junk scattered around the property but also remove any undergrowth and unwanted trees. When before we couldn’t see the pond from the mobile home, now there is a clear view of it.

This weekend is the last two days of having the excavator so we will likely use it to clear other parts of the property and level the land that will eventually be the road to the home site. I have decided to move the home further up the hill for a better view of the pond. The land is more level and closer to the existing septic tank.

Here are some progress pics. Enjoy!

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Dream: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)

I had a string of interesting dreams last night. But first, I want to share a vision I keep having. I’ve seen it both in dreams and upon waking. In the first one, a dream, I saw myself with blue painted fingernails and wearing blue clothing. I inspected my fingernails, noting the strange blue tinge and trying to figure out why they were blue. In the visions I’ve had, the last of which was last night, I saw myself with blue skin. 

At first, I thought it must be indicating a chakra, maybe the throat chakra, but this blue was not that color blue. Instead, it was lighter and seemed almost to glow.

My next thought was it was exactly the same color of the blue Hindu gods and goddesses. I did look up why the gods and goddesses of Hinduism are blue. Mostly the blue coloring is for Vishnu, meant to depict the color of rain clouds, so more of a steel gray, but sometimes it is brighter blue, like the color I have been seeing in my visions. Blue is the color of the sky and sea, one reflects the other and neither actually has any color at all. Thus, blue is the color of infinity. Hindu Scriptures declare the Ultimate reality to be inconceivable and inexpressible, beyond the grasp of the 5 senses. The only way to express the vastness (Brahman) which is Being, Consciousness and Bliss, is through the color blue.

So, in my vision, I seemed to become a blue goddess. Perhaps Kali?

Dream #1: Running from My Shadow

This dream was unexpected. I very rarely feel fear in my dreams now days but I definitely felt it coming on in this dream. I don’t recall many details now because it was so early in the night (woke at 11pm). What I most remember is that I was avoiding this negative entity that seemed like a giant shadow. It was trying to envelope me and I was resisting. There were many voices at the time, some my own, some my guides and some from this Shadow. The voices of the Shadow were recognizable and familiar. In fact, I’ve memory of chasing it away in my early twenties and calling it a “gin”. Towards the end of the dream I was putting up protection and pushing the negative voices out of my mind. I could sense a shield around my mind and, as I woke, my vision was filled with spheres of all colors floating and undulating as if alive (hypnagogia), indicative of entry into the OBE state. 

Dream #2: Classroom in my Bedroom

I returned to sleep and the next thing I recall is having students sitting all around me in my bedroom. I was still in bed, blanket up around me snugly, but didn’t seem to think it odd that my room was full of students. It was an English class and the teacher, standing near my door, told us that we had to do a research paper. She gave us two topics to choose from and left. Everyone paired up and began discussing their assignment. I sat up in bed, looking at them sitting on my floor and leaning up against my walls and window, and protested loudly about the assignment. I said that I didn’t think it was a good one. What teacher limits her students to only two topics? Why not allow us to explore topics we are most interested in? I then told them I was going to drop out of the class. I didn’t need it. I already had a masters and bachelor’s degree and was just taking the class out of boredom. A male student said he was, too. I asked him if he had a degree and he said no. I told him not to bother, telling him all the jobs I used my degrees for were miserable for me. Only when I decided to follow a different path did I find a very unexpected job that made me happy. He asked what it was and I said, “Accounting.” The entire class was listening attentively at this point and it seemed I might have helped some decide that college was not the right path for them. 

Dream #3: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)

I didn’t categorize this as a Kundalini dream but it most definitely had elements of Kundalini energy. 

My husband and I parked in an unfamiliar driveway. I was driving but didn’t know how I got there. I immediately got out, finding myself under a large, open, red umbrella. I was wearing my pajamas – a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt – and was barefoot. Still confused, I looked up to a tree and saw a sweatshirt (protection) hanging on it. I pulled it down but then threw it back up not wanting to take something that wasn’t mine. Then my husband drove away and left me there. Not sure what to do, I panicked a bit. I had no phone or any way of contacting help. I felt lost. So, I wandered down the road looking for familiar sign posts. Nothing. 

Then I saw a big truck stop in the middle of the road. It opened its doors and out came hundreds of cats (feminine energy, sexuality). I stopped short and said, “Feral cats.” People were coming up and picking up the cats, though, leading me to believe they were not feral. I wandered closer, observing, and saw the cats were friendly. Still, I kept my distance.

As I turned to leave I saw a little boy crying. He was afraid of the cats. I comforted him and turned him towards the cats, telling him it was safe. I got an adult to assist and left the cats behind.

Then I was at a party. It was full of people I didn’t know, some speaking a language I didn’t recognize. I sat down and waited, still not knowing where I was. Then I noticed a man staring at me. With his stare came a strong, magnetic energy, one I was familiar with. I turned away, feeling immediately nervous, and then moved across the room to avoid him. In my hurry I bumped into my husband who had seen me avoiding the man. He laughed and told me, “He wants to take you into the bedroom.” I didn’t respond and found a corner to hide in.

Eventually the man found me. He came up to me, face to face, and put his left hand on my right shoulder. Our eyes locked and I froze. The energy was super intense and magnetic. It terrified me. The man wanted me to come with him. His energy beckoned me and I knew I would not be able to resist for long. This is when a woman said something to the man. I think she was his wife. He lingered and the woman asked me, “Are you married?” I nodded yes. She told the man to leave me be. He listened and left. I watched the woman for a bit. She was with another woman and a child of around 3 climbed into her lap. I finally went up to her and asked her about the man. Though I don’t recall our conversation, I recognized that she was his wife and they had an arrangement that allowed them to be with other partners.

Then there was a commotion and everyone rushed outside to the driveway. It was really crowded and the sky was a weird shade of reds and oranges. I looked up. Realizing it was the eclipse I averted my eyes. I saw the woman from earlier and went up to her. I could see the eclipse shadow on the concrete. It was nearly complete, a blackness surrounded by a rim of fire. The woman turned to me and we embraced and I sobbed and sobbed as she held me in her arms. The entire time the crazy energy of the eclipse was all around me.

Then there was a hush and I turned and looked up. The sun was mottled red like it was going to explode. 

Seeing the sun like this woke me. Tears were still in my eyes and a chorus from a song was going through my head: “Black hole sun won’t you come and wash away the rain…..”.

Discussion with Guides

After I woke, I couldn’t return to sleep. The energy from the encounter in the dream along with the emotional release at the end was hard to ignore. 

My guidance was close, asking me about how I felt in certain parts of the dream. Specifically, the part where my eyes locked with the strange man. I told them it terrified me. When asked why, it was hard to explain. I think it comes down to total loss of control and not knowing what will happen if that happens. Yet everything in me yearns to follow the feeling and let go completely, to hell with the unknowns that follow. That part of me, the part that yearns, terrifies me. 

When asked about how I felt when I was crying, I recalled a time in this life when I chose not to follow that yearning, choosing instead to complete a cycle/karmic contract. The feeling is beyond description. I recognized the feeling in the dream was the same – solid, unchangeable and full of regret. 

Then there was the visual of the sun there at the end. It felt like a warning, or at the very least a message. Memory of OBEs I had years ago came to mind. In those OBE’s I would see the sun and the moon coming closer and closer together but they never quite touched. If they had, there would have been an eclipse that looked like what I imagine a “black hole sun” would look like. Those OBEs were indicative of Union, or the merging of masculine and feminine, yin and yang, hieros gamos. 

I can’t help but connect the vision of seeing myself as a blue goddess with this last dream. Kali is the goddess of time, doomsday and death. She is worshipped as the Divine Mother and seen as a divine protector who brings liberation. During the discussion with my guidance about my feelings related to that intense, magnetic yearning of which I am terrified, it was relayed to me that “perhaps what lies on the other side is….liberation”.