Tag Archives: spirituality

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Dream, Vision and White Heron Feathers

Lots to report in a short time. Here we go…

First the White Heron Feathers. I found four in different locations on a morning walk. I took a path I have not walked in a while (also symbolic ha!). This was last Sunday. White Herons come in flocks to my pond and the adjacent pond. This time of year there are more than usual. However, I have only ever found one feather in the past. To find four on one walk was surprising.

The White Heron symbolizes patience, good fortune and Divine timing. Finding four of them brings in the energy of the number 4 which is often connected with the four directions, the four elements, balance and stability.

I was feeling somewhat disheartened that morning and it seemed to be confirmation from my guidance that my patience will pay off.

And then last night, prior to bed, I asked my guides to show me “what I am suppose to do” in this stage of my life. I did not expect an answer.

Dream: Mediumship

As posted this morning in my personal journal.

In the dream I was sitting at a table with some classmates. One looked like a girl I knew in high school. We’ll call her Nancy. All the seats were taken and I asked Nancy if I could sit next to her. It felt like she was somewhat snobby or a know-it-all but also like she was annoyed that I was there. She told me it was okay and I sat down making sure to avoid her sleeve which was covered in a nice, silk blouse sleeve that I could see through. 

It felt like the group of women I was with was talking about business matters. I remember hearing someone mention something that needed doing. Another woman in the group suggested a courier. Nancy was listening and asked, “Do you even know what a courier does?” I told her I knew and described what they do by saying they are similar to an office aid who goes between the office and some other place either taking items of importance back and forth or who completes other tasks that have to do with several offices, like a go-between. Nancy nodded her head but said I was almost correct.

The rest of the dream was a discussion about the importance of the work to be done and further elaboration on what the work involves. I do not recall the other woman being there during this discussion. Instead it seemed like Nancy was conveying this information to me personally. As the dream began to break up and I gained lucidity, it was clear the work in question was mine. I was responding to Nancy as I woke saying, “So you are talking about mediumship”. As I woke I felt mediumship was the gift that allowed me to do this kind or work.

When I woke I was seeing a visual of a person in between the physical and spiritual realms. It felt like I was being asked to be more than a medium but a representative trusted with valuable information from one realm, the realm of spirit, to another, the physical. It reminded me of channeling, though I do not think it is just that. 

Vision: Y-Tube and Communion

My morning was hectic with some surprise elements (personal things I will save for another time). I was tired because I had only slept 5hrs. I tried to sleep and “rested” for about two hours. During that time my mind mostly wandered and then, at some point, I became aware of a mental voice that was not my own.

I was thinking about this morning’s dream and during this time is when I noticed a guide was conversing with me. I believe I had been asking for another K connection at the time. He was asking me to consider what I required to do my work. Would I require a person I was physically connected to who I also met in person? Or would it be okay to have a connection with someone who also has a physical body but I did not meet in person? Or maybe someone who is not here physically? I said I preferred to come into physical contact with the other person. I am okay with dreams any time, but it is lonely and I feel adrift without someone to anchor me here. 

I then asked about the experiences I’ve had – what exactly is the Kundalini connection that I experienced? Like, how does it work? This type of connection is what I desire so I wanted to know exactly what was occurring because it felt like I was merged into one with another.

I was shown very clearly a tube like one would use in a science lab but it was in the shape of an inverted Y. It was sitting on a nightstand along with other items as if part of a room’s decor. The tube is apparently a real thing, known as a Y-Tube.

I was also shown and heard the name of one of my Light Code Oracle cards: Communion. In that card there are three circles coming together but not fully merged and it looks like a Venn Diagram.

The empty Y-Tube may be symbolic for an open channel. The top part is Universal consciousness or Source. The bottom of the Y is a split into dual receptacles. This indicates that Source is coming down and equally distributing into two individuals who are sharing in the Divine. 

So, what I was thinking about the two becoming one is actually one energy dividing itself to experience two bodies simultaneously. 

The Communion card is three circles joining. One circle is one individual’s consciousness (feminine), the other is the partners individual consciousness (masculine) and the last is Source of which we are both tuning into simultaneously. 

The entire message is profound and I am still digesting it. It is not something I did not already have awareness of but it was surprising the way my guide came into my thoughts. I had been on the edge of sleep and wake but not quite fully in the in-between when it occurred. My dream last night seemed to indicate a direction, one I had asked for previous to sleep, and it is not usual that I actually get instruction like this. It is clear that my purpose has to do with bridging the physical and the spiritual and now, with the symbolism provided during my meditation, it seems the Kundalini is part of my work. I am not really surprised. Why wouldn’t it be? 

I also did not realize how important the Communion card was. I drew that card not long ago in a reading for myself on May 25, 2025. It was the center card of three. The first card was Breakthrough, the last was Reflect. FYI: When I painted the Reflect card I was reminded of the “mirror” one experiences with Divine connections (some call them Twin Flames, I call them Heart Connections). However, following my dream and vision today, I believe it to be a good representation of what my guidance just relayed to me. There is a central symbol and it is receiving and transmitting beams of blue (information).

Regardless of all of the above, I have been asking to be guided towards my life’s purpose or work now and I feel very strongly it is linked to a partner, most likely a partner who I am able to come into Union with. My instructions appear to be that I am here as a medium but my work is not only to connect to Spirit for those who have lost loved ones, but also to connect to Divine Beings such as what some call ascended masters. When I come into contact with these Beings I don’t like to categorize them except to say they feel very ancient and contain great knowledge. It is this knowledge I am told I am here to convey. 

Oddly, I am not very inspired or moved by all of the above. Maybe because of today’s mundane events and the issues likely to arise from them. I am very calm considering all that has happened today. Oh and we got rain for the first time in a long while today also. When it rains, it pours I guess. 😉

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Three Feathers and Just a Little Patience

Two nights ago I went to bed asking for clarity. I’ve had a lot of change in a short time and my mind is in overdrive. I have a tendency to think too far ahead and when I do I get overwhelmed, anxious and, ultimately, depressed. When I woke, I could not recall my dreams. Instead, I had a song going through my mind.

Said, “Sad woman, take it slow it’ll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience.”

It’s been a while since a song message has come through. It was, no doubt, from the new guide (or old since he seems familiar) who recently made himself known. He told me his name but I couldn’t quite catch it. I know it is only two letters long and a name less known, or maybe unknown, to my human self.

The message came after a recent email from my financial advisor indicating I can retire now if I want to. I am still looking for work but my heart is just not in it. I can’t help but feel this time in my life is for rest, recovery and healing. Still, I apply for jobs and I recently got offered a full-time position as a middle school counselor. I applied spur of the moment and knew immediately I would get offered the job. The interview confirmed it. As I was waiting for the official offer, I got information that solidified that I did not have to work anymore. It hit home and I began to second guess the offer, looking for red flags, which I found aplenty. Insomnia hit full force during the wait. It was horrendous, probably the worst I’d had in a couple of years. All because I was fighting two me’s – the one who knew I needed this time to rest and recover and the me who thought the job was perfect and exactly what I needed. When the offer came, I rejected it. Sleep returned not long after, confirmation that I chose correctly.

This morning, on my morning walk, I was still contemplating whether to work or not. Do I really want to retreat and recover? Won’t it make me go stir crazy? Won’t I be bored? When I think about what I really want right now, I keep getting that all I want is to sleep and have lazy days for a while. I want to get my country home ready for chickens and goats (chicken coop in progress). I want to take nature photos, make video shorts on YouTube and write in my journal/blog. I want to exercise and do yoga. I want to be alone when I want to be alone and be with people I love when I want to be with them. As my sleep schedule recovers, all I want to do in the morning is linger in bed relishing that amazing floaty feeling and dipping in and out of the in-between.

During my walk I came across two feathers. The first was a hawk feather. I found it at the beginning of my walk. The second was a Great Blue Heron feather which I found towards the end of my walk. I was holding the hawk feather in my hand when I found it.

Two feather messages on the first day of my birth month, three days away from my 50th birthday.

Hawk brings sharp focus, high-altitude vision, and a reminder to see the “big picture.” Hawk aligns with the element of air, representing intellect, mental clarity, and communication. Heron brings emotional alignment, reflection, and sacred space and aligns with the element of air representing emotion, healing and intuition. Finding both a heron feather and a hawk feather on the same walk creates a rare and powerful spiritual balance between patience and action. While the heron teaches patience and quiet reflection, the hawk encourages one to rise above the current circumstances and take decisive steps. This pairing means the heart and mind are aligning, providing the clarity to move forward.

Chiron Return Approaching

After this morning’s feather finds and message, my mind went to my Human Design Chiron Return reading last August when I was house sitting for my mom. Has it already been a year? Wow. I’m so glad that’s over. Anyway, I looked up my notes and did some more research. My Chiron is exact May 16, 2027 (my brother’s bday lol). However, I will begin to feel the effects of it long before. In HD my 2nd line body will feel the effects of Chiron by February 16, 2027.

My natal Chiron is in Gate 3, Line 3 (Difficulty at the Beginning: Individualism). Turns out my decision not to work now is beautifully aligned with my upcoming Chiron Return.

My core sacred wound is about formatting raw, chaotic energy into order. At line 3, this has historically manifested as material or creative trial-and-error—trying to force structure onto my resources before the timing was correct. Now, as a 6/2 coming off the roof, my focus on resources without traditional work is exactly how I am meant to reinvent my relationship with abundance.

February 16, 2027 (Cycle Design Date): The Somatic Ordering

  • The Body Level: The physical vehicle begins processing the mutation of Gate 3.3.
  • The Transition: The body is learning to hold resource security without relying on physical labor or survival-driven anxiety.
  • The Vulnerability: There is a feeling or deep physical pressure or restlessness to “do something” about money.
  • The Strategy: Trust the body’s design. A Line 2 Hermit needs to rest through this pressure. Allow the physical form to acclimatize to a state of receiving and ordering resources naturally, without active work.

May 16, 2027 (Cycle Date): The Conscious Mutation

  • The Mind Level: Consciously understanding on how to generate or manage wealth through pure alignment rather than effort.
  • The Realization: Rising above the trial-and-error wound of line 3. The realization that my unique presence and Cross of Contagion are what attract resources.
  • The Integration: I see the lack of traditional work not as a failure, but as a necessary phase of mastery. I step out as a Role Model (6th Line) who shows others how to bring order to material chaos by simply timing their energy correctly.

The gap between February and May bridges my unconscious survival fears with my conscious capacity for leadership.

Another change impacting me right now is that I am functioning as an Emotional Projector because of the influence of my Chiron Return. My identity and truth as a Self-Projected Projector comes from my G center and voice. An Emotional Projector has to “ride the emotional wave” before they are certain what to do. This is completely new to me, though I have often wondered if my daughter (Emotional Manifesting Generator) was teaching me how to ride the wave via my sensitivity to her emotional process.

I have two channels lighting up my solar plexus now that I don’t normally have: 41-30 and 19-39.

While the 41-30 brings a sweeping wave of fantasy and desire, the 19-39 adds an intense, tribal, and deeply personal physical layer to my emotions.

The 41-30 channel creates a high-pressure emotional wave that is intimately tied to anticipation. When it is out of alignment, it manifests as a restless, anxious urge to do something or to create an activity just to satisfy a vague feeling of expectation. Forcing myself to stay busy is just a coping mechanism to avoid sitting with the raw intensity of this new emotional wave.

Gate 19 is all about the fundamental need for resources, support, and tribal alignment. Gate 39 is the energy of provocation, obstruction, and finding what truly fits. This channel makes my physical body incredibly sensitive to environments, spaces, and the energetic frequency of other people. If an environment or a job doesn’t feel right, this channel will create an intense physical blockade and literally make me sick or completely exhaust me until I leave. Ouch!

Summary

My upcoming Chiron Return marks a major transition into my 6/2 Profile role-model phase, stepping down “off the roof” to heal a natal Gate 3, Line 3 wound by moving away from traditional, exhausting labor and toward authentic material alignment with my Cross of Contagion. The journey unfolds in two parts: a deep, unconscious body-level re-calibration starting on my Cycle Design Date (February 16, 2027), followed by a full conscious mind awakening on my Cycle Date (May 16, 2027). While my birth chart operates via Self-Projected Authority, a massive Pluto transit temporarily overrides this, shifting my Chiron cycle into an Emotional Projector blueprint by locking in the highly sensitive 41-30 and 19-39 channels of my Solar Plexus. Stepping away from work early in August is the correct move. It grants my open centers a vital six-month buffer to clear out decades of professional conditioning, allowing my insomnia to heal, and giving my nervous system the peaceful space it needs to acclimate to the intense energetic waves without guilt.

Edit: Another Feather

After I had posted this I was outside and at my feet was yet another feather! This one from a Pileated Woodpecker. 🙂 White Feathers/Stripes (Clarity & New Opportunities): White markings on the wings or face symbolize breaking through confusion, spiritual awakening, and the arrival of unexpected opportunities

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Healing Session Notes: Using Light Language in Healing

Last night I did a “Reiki” healing session on my brother. I am a Reiki Master Teacher but, honestly, I do not use the symbols nor have I ever used them except when I was learning Reiki. I just intuitively go with the flow of the energy.

I set up my massage table in my home gym, burned some incense and put on soothing music. I lay on the table as I waited on him giving myself self-healing. I got so enmeshed in it that when my brother came in he startled me.

The session went well. At first I could not get his energy to respond but eventually I could feel the familiar heat and coolness in my hands. I felt very stiff in my body and began to wonder how I would continue the healing for 30 minutes or more. Surely I would get too exhausted and have to stop. Not long after I began to feel into my body and sway and move with the energy as it flowed through me. I couldn’t feel much of the energy itself but physical indicators were present. For example, I often got goosebumps in my legs that moved up and then back down.

At one point I began to spontaneously speak Light Language (LL). I did this quietly so as to not be heard by my brother and pull him out of his reverie. The LL kept coming and coming and the more it came through, the more I got goosebumps and the energy in my hands increased. I also swayed as if dancing and found myself moving my head upward and exhaling loudly. Eventually I began to cry as I was overwhelmed with the love coming into and through me. It felt like it was coming down into my crown and from there it spread out and made its way to my hands. It was not near as strong as I have felt in the past, as if my guidance was trying to avoid triggering me into full on sobs (which I tend to do when the heart bliss hits). I let the tears fall and continued my work, speaking LL, swaying with the energy and seeing visuals of the aura and areas that needed attention. During this time I heard, “Initiation”. I wasn’t sure if it was a message for me or him so I “put it on the shelf” for later.

When I got to my brother’s throat chakra I felt it was blocked. I intuitively knew my brother needed to make sound so I asked him to do so, indicating his throat was severely blocked. He did and after a few loud “ahhh’s” he began to laugh. He laughed heartily from his belly and I started to giggle, too.

He also had a third eye blockage so I worked on it a while and slowly made my way around to his other side. I turned my focus on his third chakra and noticed it, too, was quite blocked. I was shown a small energetic abnormality. It was like looking at the white of someone’s eye and seeing a speck of dirt. I tried to get it to come off but it was like the “dirt” was stuck and had become a part of the chakra. I worked on it a while with no success and so moved on to his feet.

Since the energy in his feet was strong, I began to do the work of balancing his aura. I could see and feel what I was doing in my mind. It feels very much like sculpting except with energy. I tried to bring the feel of the energy in the blocked/partially blocked chakras out as much as the rest of his aura. I could not do it completely, the aura would not expand fully around his head, neck and shoulders, but I did get it even enough to complete the healing session.

After I let him rest for a bit, we spoke some about what he experienced. He said he felt as if there were energetic “hands” around his throat choking him. I ask for clarification and he said it was band of energetic but he had flashes of being choked. I explained how I had worked on that area for some time because he had a severe blockage there. He also said he saw in his mind’s eye light streaking past, up and down his body and at one point it covered him from head to toe. I said that was probably when I was balancing his aura. He was very grateful and I felt like I was finally getting a glimpse into my healing style.

My brother reported to me today that he felt the healing session was “intense”. He is Reiki Level II and he use to be a part of a healing group that met consistently. So, he has both given and received Reiki for several years. He said he had only ever received intense healings from his teacher but the healing he got from me was even more intense. He said he could still feel the effects of it hours after the session ended. He took a nap and when he woke up two hours later he could still feel the lingering energy. 

In considering the message “initiation” I believe it was in reference to the fact that I, being Kundalini awakened myself, can initiate the Kundalini in another person and to be mindful of this as I do healing work. It may also be in reference to a Light Language activation, but it is hard to tell exactly at this time. I discussed it with my brother and suggested he take some time to integrate the healing and then he can decide if he wants to continue. He was mostly worried about the “speck” I saw in his third chakra. I do not know what it is, only that I was not able to remove it…yet. I believe, with time and healing work, that this anomaly will resolve on its own.

Overall, I am quite intrigued by how the healing went and want to continue this work.

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Blue Heron and Garter Snake

The same day I blogged about how my ex reminded me of a snake, I nearly stepped on one on my morning walk. It was a garter snake. I had the opportunity to catch it but decided to let it be.

Later the same day, on my afternoon walk with my daughter, I saw a Great Blue Heron in the creek. It let us get really close and though it flew away, it came back twice after and other people stopped to take its photos. I wondered after if the heron may have seen the little snake. I know they eat them. 

From Ted Andrews iconic book on animal totems called “Animal Speak”:

“The blue heron is a totem (symbol) of someone who has chosen to claim their life as their own. According to North American Native tradition, the Blue Heron brings messages of self-determination and self-reliance. It represents an ability to progress and evolve. The long thin legs of the heron reflect that even though we must be able to stand on our own, we don’t need legs that are great massive pillars to remain stable.

Blue Herons have the innate wisdom of being able to maneuver through life and co-create their own circumstances.

If the Blue Heron has shown up as your totem, it reflects your need to follow your own unique wisdom and path of self-determination. You know what is best for yourself, and need to follow your heart rather than the promptings of others. You probably sit calmly while the rest of us lose patience. And when you choose to follow the promptings of your heart, you soar with magnificence.”

The snake appearing isn’t surprising since I have been seeing many of them lately. This one was small that was trying to get away and hide. According to Ted Andrews, the snake represents rebirth, resurrection, initiation, and wisdom. Snake represents wisdom expressed through healing, the creative life force, transformation and healing, and the cycle of death and rebirth. The death energy of Snake is indicative of a transformation, not actual death, and may be showing new opportunities to heal and transform oneself. It can also reflect one’s creative forces awakening or the stimulation of understanding how to apply one’s insight and intuition.

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Follow Your Beingness

The following is an excerpt from my personal journal from November 8th. It is what preceded the post called “I Finally Feel it”.

Couldn’t return to sleep for thoughts of “what if” but, seeing it as an opportunity, decided to work on mindfulness while I waited for the sun to rise.

I found it helpful and my heartrate stayed lower. If I began thinking of negative things I would redirect myself either purposefully thinking of positive things to better manifest what I wanted or focusing on my breathing and body. Once settled, my mind was pulled to the previous day.

It occurred to me yesterday (Nov. 7) after watching an NDE account that it would serve me best to focus on doing things based upon a heart centered approach. When I considered what that meant, I had to confront the conditioning related to this idea. Heart centered has been conveyed as all Love and Light, which is, honestly, BS. This is dualism at its best. Love and Light is wonderful but who defines what that is? If I know anything after some 49 years of life so far, I have learned “right” and “wrong” is not clear cut. What one believes is right another may not. Rightness is a decision made by the individual. This decision is based upon conditioning. This conditioning runs deep. 

So when someone says to “listen to your heart” what does that even mean? I think most people believe it means “listen to your feelings”, but that is a trap. Feelings are subject to change and prone to reactivity. So what about making decisions based upon love? Well, what is love, really? The definition itself is so vague that some people spend their wholes lives trying to figure it out. Is it a feeling? Is it an urge? Is it lust? Is it belonging? What I have learned via my STE’s is that love is not at all what humans believe it to be. Humans decide what love is to them – usually that which makes them feel good. Good being, typically, a dopamine rush to the brain. Dopamine rushes are based upon conditioning, also. So one person may feel a rush when they hug another person while another might feel it when they go on a hunt and shoot and kill an animal. Would you define the former as love? The latter? 

The reality is BOTH are love. ALL of this experience, all of who we are is love. Love isn’t an emotion it is a Beingness. It is us in all our glory, “the good, the bad and the ugly” as the saying goes.

So, to advise someone to follow their heart in reality means “follow your Beingness”. 

When we follow our Beingness it may contradict another’s Beingness, or seem to anyway. Then we beat ourselves up, feel guilt, feel upset, feel – well we feel. All of these feelings are part of our conditioning. They were put there purposefully by us via our life experiences to help us learn. When we cross over, all this conditioning vanishes, and all we are is love (Beingness). All the feelings we had as humans vanish because they are part of the human condition. In Spirit those feelings are there as memories and are not individuated. In fact, those in Spirit who I have communicated with appear to me to be devoid of feeling. It can make a human witness to this very uncomfortable and did when I first began communicating with Spirit guides. Why didn’t they care!? Were they robots? No. They’re not human. 

All of the above came to me when considering my issues with my ex and the things that kept me anchored to him (cords as some call them) in this lifetime. I am choosing to stay anchored to him and it is my choice to detach. Upon inspection I found that mostly I am making this choice unconsciously – out of habit and also out of resistance to change. Habit is pretty easy to fix. Resistance is more difficult. My resistance arises from not looking for the alternatives out of fear mostly, fear of not being in control. This is part of my conditioning. Many of us humans have it. We believe we have control as part of this illusion, but we do not. For me this has been one of my most challenging lessons in life. I have to be very aware of my thoughts to notice just how fearful I am. The only solution is mindfulness and making effort to stay present in the moment. Fear is the direct result of being human and having to survive in order to remain alive (in a body). It is instinctual and a biological impulse. 

So when my guides advise me to “Look” (common advice from them) they are asking me to look for the possibilities that exist outside my fearful mindset because when you drop the fear, suddenly you can see a path that wasn’t there before. “Allow” is also common advice from my guidance and allowing comes with remaining in the present and moving with instead of against the flow of ones Beingness. 

This morning when my mind wandered to things that were not helpful I was reminded of the above. Keeping my mind clear allowed me to connect to myself, my Beingness, and the more I can do this, the more I will continue upon the correct path for myself. “Correct” being what I planned prior to this life. And yes it might involve me doing things that others might view as “bad” or “nonoptimal” or “selfish” or whatever judgment you want to apply. As long as it holds true to my Beingness, then it is correct for me and correct for those I agreed to help in this lifetime via previous agreements (contracts) with them.

Honestly, it is simple. Stop worrying, stop over thinking, quiet your mind, and follow your Beingness. 

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Pandora Sphinx Moth

Yesterday, after another particularly rough day, I took a walk and cried as I walked. This is becoming my new norm. Walk, walk, cry sometimes, cry some more, walk. Often my thoughts are chaotic and this time was no different. 

One part of me was thinking of retreating not just away from people but into myself. This is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed. I don’t reach out, I don’t seek help or communicate with others. I’ve been judged, belittled and rejected too many times. All I want to do is return to my cabin in nature and never come out. The problem is that, without something to do, without some purpose or plan, retreat feels poisonous.  

The other part of me sees my situation as an opportunity to return to myself – the me who wants to help, who sees the good in others and is capable of pouring herself into meaningful work. 

The me who retreats is terrified of the unknown and taking that leap that could potentially lead me back to myself. The fear is debilitating and is keeping me stuck. IDK how to push past it.

When I returned home from my walk I noticed a large moth clinging to the brick facade. I immediately recognized it to be a sphinx moth. When I looked it up it turned out to be a Pandora Sphinx Moth. 

Pandora – 

The meaning of the Pandora myth is roughly this: human beings are endowed (Pandora = pan-dora = ‘all-gifted’) with a mind and soul that is like a treasure house of riches and fine jewels. However when we stray from the path of humility and holiness, and instead allow our thinking to be dominated by ruminations about the future or past, we unleash myriad woes in the form of intrusive thoughts and negative emotions. 

Pandora’s box released the world’s evils but also released the antidote to that evil: Hope.

Sphinx moth – 

Symbolizes transformation, profound change, and navigating the darkness with grace and wisdom. Its life cycle embodies personal growth and spiritual awakening, while its appearance can signify a time for letting go of old ways to embrace new knowledge. The moth’s nocturnal nature also connects it to the spiritual world, representing a yearning for truth, clarity, and purpose as it seeks light in the dark.

I held the moth for a time and then let it go in the backyard near the grapevine it most likely lived on as a caterpillar. When I checked later in the evening it had flown away. It’s visit not lost on me, I was immediately calmed and my upset lessened.

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Kundalini Dream: Self-Directed Flow

I was standing in the center of a garden courtyard of what appeared to be an ancient temple or castle. There were others around, mostly standing near the edges of my vision and out of sight. I was wearing a long, flowing, white gown or robe. The events prior to this part of the dream are extremely hazy. All I recall is there was some discussion of “fence cutting” and interaction with a few others, one being a young boy with light brown hair wearing a huge grin.

Feet solidly grounded on the earth, I held my hands up, spread my fingers wide and began to use my hands to summon energy up from my feet into my legs, hips and on upward. I remember feeling powerful and confident as I did this, as if I had done it a million times before. The sense was that I was a priestess or someone with similar spiritual training. As the energy moved upward it grew in intensity, ballooning outward as it spread. When the energy hit my root and second chakras it exploded to the point that I became super conscious in the dream. Unfortunately, the intensity mixed with sudden awareness (which surprised me) instantly transported me back to my bed and my physical body where the residual energy lingered for quite some time. 

I couldn’t return to sleep from the excitement I felt. I have never had a K dream in which I was the one who initiated the K in myself. Normally someone else is helping me or interacting with me, seeming to be the initiator of the energy. Not only that, but I was aware of being fully in control and felt powerful and confident about it. It is quite a different feeling than when I am with another or when another seems to be helping move the energy for me.

It was obvious the energy was mine, or me, or however you prefer it. It was very clear and refreshing, like the sense one gets after a Spring rain, flowing and cleansing as it progressed upward. Yet at the same time the desirous sensations that often arise with root chakra were very obviously present, but not in such a way as to make me feel the effect of them.

It is easy to think with the K that someone else is somehow sparking the K fire inside me. Especially since most of my K experiences were in conjunction with someone who I felt a connection to I couldn’t quite explain. This K experience felt empowering and freeing. Even though it did not fully rise, as it has in other instances, I am not disappointed. It felt like it may have burst through a blockage in my second chakra also, which is always welcome! 

I do hope to have more experiences like this one. 🙂

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Snakes and Skeletons

I’ve had several snake encounters lately. It could just be the time of year but I can’t help but take notice.

Snakes for me equal the Kundalini. I wish I could say I had some Kundalini experiences to report, but I don’t. Nothing for a while and if I do have any inklings of the K, they are mild in comparison to what they once were.

This snake I nearly stepped on during my evening walk around the pond. It is a diamondback water snake – harmless. He was about 3ft long.

This is a McKay’s brown snake. Tiny (less than 12 inches) but fierce! Again, I nearly stepped on him. This time when taking out the trash.

After the above snake encounters, I found a snake skeleton on the path around the pond this weekend. It seems symbolic of the death of part of myself. I’m not sure which. Perhaps my divorce or a stage in my life or even the Kundalini itself, which has basically gone dormant – or all three. Regardless, I decided to honor that death by digging a hole and burying the skeleton. I said goodbye to whatever it was that was ending. 

I’ve been feeling very done with life. When I think, “What do I want” (because my guides like to ask me that), all I think of is being free of this body and this physical reality (returning Home, ending this incarnation). The next thing I think of is sleeping because when I sleep I experience a short freedom from this place. Even if I can’t recall my dreams it is better than being awake and going through the motions of life. 

Don’t read this part if you are super attached to mankind, Earth and this physical experience…..

I’ve often wished that this physical reality would be destroyed in a major disaster – like end-of-the-world scenario. Yes, it would kill my loved ones and myself. Yes, it would be awful, but I know that whatever pain it caused would vanish immediately upon death and there would be no loss, no pain, no misery because we would all gather on the Other Side of this mess. I’ve experienced what lies beyond and find it difficult to understand how anyone could be so attached to this physical experience. If they only Knew!

Recently my guidance has been trying to get messages through to me. One was a message I’ve long heard, “Listen.” Another was something about traveling to the cosmos or something for an “intervention”. That is fine by me, if they think it will work. If I can’t get out of this body and physical incarnation, then a dose of Home is always welcomed. So far, giving me the experience of Home has kinda backfired I think because it makes me more determined to get the hell outta this place. lol 

It wouldn’t be so bad if I had something to motivate me here. Something, anything, to look forward to. Usually, I use the next stage or step in life as my motivation. The only stage left for me is old age, slow deterioration and then death. I do look forward to death, just not the long path to it. Maybe I will luck out and not have the long, deteriorating part?

I do recognize all my blessings, I do, but no amount of material things can fill this void inside. I love my land, my pond, my new space – I do! I love that I have the freedom to buy whatever I want/need. I love my children. I love my dog. I love that I am strong and healthy and still can sleep deeply through the night. I try to focus on my blessings. I am good at distracting myself with activities or projects, but that is all they are – distractions. I can’t ever get away from the emptiness inside, the continued sense of numbness, the void of nothingness and, most of all, the Knowing that Home is just on the “Other Side” of this simulation. 

I also recognize that I have been in this place before and it will eventually pass. Something will happen to ignite my curiosity and send me down another rabbit hole. Or maybe “someone”, since my path seems linked to the path of my partners in this life. But, honestly, I don’t want another partner if it means an oversized child to take care of or the expectations that go along with a relationship. And marriage? Hell no! Never again. 

This is also what Human Design says is my experience (my only defined channel is the 1-8) – not Knowing (most of the time) with occasional “ah-ha” moments of clarity and Knowing that propel me in the direction I am meant to travel. Sadly, those ah-ha moments are so few and far between and I end up waiting endlessly (Projector curse) for some sense of clarity, grasping at anything that seems like it might lead to it only to find that, once again, I am wrong and there was never any clarity to begin with.

I am still recovering from the Kundalini experiences of my past. I don’t understand why it happened, why the ET stuff happened, and why I had all the amazing OBEs and transformational experiences. Then they all just….stopped. Abruptly it seems. And now it is like they were only a dream and sometimes it is like they never happened at all. Just smoke and mirrors as the song goes. The only thing that remains is this empty void inside and a more intense longing for Home than ever before. 

Sometimes I think my experiences have left me with a kind of PTSD. I relate strongly with NDE’ers. So many of their stories are similar to my own, but I never actually had a near death, not really, just a “spiritually transformative experience” as ACISTE calls them. Sometimes I wish for an actual near death experience – maybe then I would understand??

Okay, so this is just me rambling now. If you have read this far – I apologize for the darkness of this post. I hope I didn’t bring you down in any way, especially since this is Easter, a day celebrating the resurrection of Christ.

Well, I did just bury the snake/Kundalini/old me, or whatever. Perhaps a resurrection is on the horizon. 

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Message: Reincarnation Amalgamation

I wish I had written the dreams prior down, but I didn’t. Instead, I just recall that when I woke a message was spoken to me in the in-between. The message lingered even after I returned to sleep. It was persistent enough that I finally made a note of it so I could return to sleep without interruption. It was just now, several days later, that I saw it in my notes: Reincarnation Amalgamation. 

Upon seeing the message I laughed. Not only does it have a nice ring to it (rhyme) but it seems significant. Is this message just for me or for everyone? I honestly don’t know so I am sharing it in case it rings true for others.

Perhaps the message goes along with some of my current life changes? Yesterday, for example, I went to the DMV to get my name changed on my driver’s license. It was the first time I signed my new name and it felt really good. The name itself is not new, really. I’ve been using Dayna for over two decades, ever since my guidance told me straight out that Dayna was my name. However, changing it legally finally rids me of a name I’ve not ever really felt any affinity for – my first name specifically. I kept my middle name. It has never been an issue for me and it didn’t feel right to eliminate it altogether. It symbolizes a lifetime lived up until this point at least. My last name was chosen by me years ago – Stone. It replaced my married name, which has been a difficult one mostly because of how it is spelled and pronounced. No more spelling it out letter by letter. Yay! My old married name also symbolizes a group I no longer want to be associated with, not just that the name was my ex’s.

My next step is the Social Security office. I have an appointment next week. Then, well, I guess I get to change my name everywhere that is left, a process I am sure will take some time but will be well worth it. 

But, back to the message….

Reincarnation = rebirth, to be born anew into a new form such as a physical form (or consciousness). 

Amalgamation = the action or process of uniting or merging two or more things.

If I take the message reincarnation amalgamation as a personal message meant for just me, then it means I am undergoing a transformational process in which I am taking my past “lives” and merging them into a new one. In this lifetime I have felt to have lived two previous lives up until now. I call them lives because when I look back upon my many years in this body, I perceive two distinct “me’s”.  

The first “me” I no longer even identify with in any way to the point that she feels not to have been me at all! This would be the first part of my life, from birth until late twenties or so (Saturn Return). This version of me had very little to no spiritual experiences. She was naive and afraid, making many fear-based decisions. 

The second, the one I feel I am in the midst of leaving behind, is more present and real to me; however, I believe she will one day feel as foreign to me as the first. She’s the one who underwent tremendous spiritual transformations, OBEs, Kundalini, etc. She is also the one who got married and started a family. 

Who is this third me? I do not know. I have no idea whatsoever. All I know is that she started with a divorce and a name change. What is to come next is a mystery. Perhaps she will be a mix of the two, as the message suggests? In the past, the not knowing would have driven me crazy, but now I honestly don’t have the energy to bother with that. I honestly don’t care.

I prefer to put my attention on the beautiful space I have created – a new home, a new garage in process, the 10 acre property with pond and wildlife. I spend more time on me, on my own peace of mind and on gratitude for what I have been given.

Speaking of all that, here are some more pictures. 🙂 The skirting on the house is finished and the garage frame is going up. I also included a pic of the beaver lodge located on the adjacent pond (neighbor’s) and some local cows.

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The World is Our Backyard

Yesterday I had an unexpected reaction to a video I was watching about the Ganges River in India. The video was about how a man quit his job to start an incense making business using flower waste from temples. 16% of the pollution in the Ganges comes from this flower waste. As the video came to an end, they showed an image of the river and gave stats on the progress of cleaning it up. 

I don’t remember my exact thought but it was something along the lines of: “Their backyard is my backyard. Our backyard is the world.” With this, I saw in my mind an image of the Ganges free of pollution, without cities crowding it’s banks, respected, honored and tended to by humans. I knew this was the future, though one beyond my lifetime, and I began to cry. I sobbed actually. It was a mixture of sadness and relief. Sadness at humanity’s indifference towards nature and relief that there is hope, that humans can and are changing, albeit slowly. 

I knew that the clean water and air of the future cannot be known to us in the present. We have grown so use to polluted that we would be shocked to smell truly clean, fresh air and clean water. We think we know, but we do not. Thankfully, my grandchildren will know. 

There was a guide close and I could hear her reaching out to me to calm me down and reassure me that all would be okay. I had a thought then about how in all this darkness, if we just keep in our minds a vision of what could be, we can and will create it. To be distracted by the present, by the darkness looming all around, is easy. It is harder to focus on what we want to create in the future and even harder to have faith in the potential of the human race for positive change. 

One of the hardest things for me to accept about this world is how humans treat it. Though I can easily pretend I don’t feel the grief at what I am witnessing and, sadly, am a part of, there are moments such as these where I become very aware of just how deeply I feel for this planet and its inhabitants. My heart aches but at the same time it rejoices. There are so, so many emotions swirling inside me that I struggle to not be overwhelmed, and oftentimes cannot help but be overtaken. I feel so small and insignificant in these moments, unable to exact the enormous change that is needed. I would, if I could, snap my fingers and wipe away all the damage that’s been done to this planet. To stand on the banks of that river and see it pure and magnificent again would bring me such joy, even though, for so long, I thought of places like India as “not my problem”. I see myself and humanity shifting slowly towards embracing every part o the planet as our “backyard”, accepting responsibility for all the neglect and abuse, and stepping up to create a better world.

It is clear to me that this moment in Earth’s history is monumental. It isn’t obvious just yet, but what humanity is going through and doing now is what will lead to a great healing and restoration of this planet and all its inhabitants. The hope and relief I felt at Knowing all is not lost was just what I needed. We are the change we need and we will succeed.