Tag Archives: ascension

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Tantrum-Throwing Portal Energies

Oh man, have you felt the swirling, shifting energies? It feels like somebody is stirring the pot. You know how when you let something sit long enough, all the dense material sinks to the bottom? And when you stir it then it comes back up? That’s what is going on now, and boy is it ever bringing out some Ego fits!

Yesterday I had a good day. Productive. These shifting energies don’t affect me like they use to. I sense the shift, I sense the Ego, but I have learned ways of channeling the energy. I create upon it or focus my attention in some way so as to move past the unsettling energy without incidents I will later regret. While I create, I transmute. It is a whole lot easier than allowing the Ego to take hold and throw its fits.

Yet mid-day I had an unfortunate run-in with these energies manifesting in those around me. It came from a comment someone directed at me on the internet. When I read it I literally felt the energy as it made impact. Dense, heavy, bottom-of-the-pot messy energy. It was slung toward me with force and when it impacted my heart I held my breath. Whoa!

I was in the middle of editing an image for my Oracle deck and had to stop. There was no way I was putting that kind of energy into one of my cards. I pulled away from the computer and took a walk to the other side of the house. I knew not to respond or react. To let it sit and feel through the energies that were slung at me. Interestingly, it was the Blue Avian card I was editing. Their message is the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 🙂

The impact of the negative onslaught did not last. It maybe took up 5 minutes of my day, or less. As it dissipated I recognized what was going on in the individual who threw that negativity at me. I became aware of her entire situation, her life patterns, her pain. And as I allowed myself to feel it, feel her, there was compassion. I held no resentment toward her because I understood why she was reacting the way she was. I have been there before. I can relate. So, sending love her way, I moved on with my day.

The Spring Equinox portal potential is intense because we are pulling off layers, stripping away the False Self. What does the False Self do in response? It throws tantrums, acts up, rears its ugly head. The best way to deal with it is to show it love and compassion but also be firm with it, much like you would be with a resistant child who just doesn’t know when to stop pushing your buttons. You can’t lose your temper. You can’t react. You just allow and eventually the tantrums stop. The False Self gives up and gives in. It’s hard to not react, though. Trust me, I wanted to tell that woman how it “really was” but then I knew better. Would she have listened to reason when in such a state? No.

If you think of the False Self as a child and you are a parent or have worked with children, then you already have the tools you need. Children are easily distracted and if you can get them to focus on something fun, something they enjoy or are curious about, then they quickly move past their upset. My three-year-old is a perfect example. He will throw a fit over losing the TV. If I ignored him, he goes on and on and nearly drives me insane. If I go to him and offer him an alternative, one that is positive and fun, then he stops and becomes interested. Then he is his happy, cooperative self. Similarly, the False Self will respond in kind.

So you need to know what makes you happy, what you enjoy and what brings you into a higher vibration. These things work wonders when the energies are like they are. If you feel your Ego/False Self growing unsettled then it is good time to throw yourself into something enjoyable.

How do you know your False Self is about to throw a fit? You feel unsettled. You may become fearful, confused, irritable, grumpy, quick to temper, and unmotivated. Mentally you may experience negative self-talk and doubts may creep in. For me the first sign is I feel unbalanced. It is energetic mostly at first and if I don’t respond and take immediate action against this feeling, then most if not all of the above results.

I also need to note here that if you have not taken care of your body (food, water, adequate rest) then you are more prone to falling into the False Self. Test it if you don’t believe me. It is the same with little children. Fits and tantrums are more prone to occur when they haven’t eaten or need to sleep.

Happy tantrum-throwing portal energies to everyone. You will make it. Be kind to yourself and others.

 

 

 

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A Collective Vote and Geomagnetic Extremes

Finding myself sleeping deeply and almost instantly forgetting my dreams upon waking again. I was reminded that we are still selecting timelines to embody the light, so the loss of my dreams doesn’t really upset me.

This morning the only memory I brought with me into wakefulness was of floating in front of what appeared to be a a large, glass window. I couldn’t see the top, bottom or sides of it, so I’m not sure if it was a window. However, there was something, a screen or pane of glass, separating me from the other side. On the other side were people of all ages and races. Some were pressed up against the window looking at me, but not in an attempt to escape, just out of curiosity. The memory interested me and I wondered who the people were and then knew they were different versions of me.

My guidance and I had a short conversation in the in-between. I was so tired that I had begun to just drift off into sleep when something they said caught my attention. I heard, “We are about to take a vote.” I laughed and said, “For President?” My own humor woke me up and I realized the timeline selection process, for me anyway, is drawing to an end. But I wondered, why would we vote on it? My guidance didn’t respond in words but the answer was that all of Earth’s inhabitants will be “splitting away” from a main timeline. Individually, we will still be able to access all timelines we occupy at any given time. The vote my guidance was referring to was for the collective.

Geomagnetic Extremes

Over the weekend and into this week I have been highly active to the point that I wonder how I didn’t just collapse on the floor from exhaustion at the end of the day. I blame the low geomagnetic activity for that burst of energy and the gamma rays that came in (three I believe) in that short time. I really, really felt good on Saturday and Sunday.

The K-Index began to creep back up yesterday and is still up today. It began to affect me last night. I started feeling strange mid-afternoon and got a headache last night prior to bed. Today I already feel more sluggish, with a slight headache and a bit of an upset stomach this morning.

planetary-k-index

When I think back to last year or even the year before I don’t recall geomagnetic activity such as what we have today causing me to feel really any different from other days. I didn’t pay attention to gamma ray bursts until sometime in 2015 and really they didn’t cause any consistent shifts of note. Yet for some reason this year I am extremely sensitive to both geomagnetic storms and gamma rays. My response has been fairly consistent, too. When the K-Index (above) is in the yellow and red I have physical symptoms such as headache, sluggishness, tiredness, minor and sometimes major stomach upset, and a general feeling that something isn’t right, like the energy is shifty. When the gamma rays come in I usually sense them as a rise in vibration, my energy increases and I have more vivid dreams and/or spiritual experiences.

A friend of mine asked me to present her with reliable, research based evidence that geomagnetic storms and gamma ray bursts affect human health. In my research (which was limited) I found consensus that gamma ray bursts have no effect on human health. In other words, there is no evidence that it causes what I and other have experienced – that energetic “high” and entrance into La-La Land (as I call it). However, I did find some information indicating that geomagnetic storms can cause health issues to manifest, especially in those who are already at risk or have health issues. Geomagnetic storms mainly affect the cardiovascular system, so anything relating to the heart and circulatory system. The number one side-effect of a strong geomagnetic storm is heart palpitations with an increase in heart attack and stroke. In this article it says that geomagnetic storms also affect the pituitary gland as well as the hypothalamus and adrenal system and these regulate pretty much all the body’s activities.

All in all, there was no consensus that geomagnetic storms have any effect on the human body. NOAA’s (the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association) Space Weather Prediction Center claims geomagnetic storms don’t cause physical or mental side-effects because the earth’s magnetic field protects us from geomagnetic storms and gamma rays.

Personally, I don’t think enough research has been done to definitively state one way or the other whether storms affect human health. However, in my own experience, space weather has significant impact on me. I have had heart palpitations that scared me and have been so zoned out that I did not know how I got from my home to a destination 40 minutes away (La-La Land). I have not checked to see if space weather changes coincided with my symptoms every time, but when I have checked there has always been some kind of fluctuation whether a gamma ray or CME (coronal mass ejection) or geomagnetic storm.

Throughout my spiritual journey my guidance has passed on messages relating to the earth’s axis shifting and this in turn resulting in a “shift” in the human axis (chakra system). Additionally, I have received information related to space weather (plasma and gamma rays specifically) and its effects on human DNA. Add this to my own personal physical and mental symptoms and I have no doubt space weather is connected to ascension and ascension-related symptoms.

If you want to know more about space weather and its effects on earth’s inhabitants, I high recommend the Suspicious Observers YouTube channel and website.

 

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Equinox Portal Open: Releasing the False Self

Did you feel the portal open last night? I did, well I did in my sleep anyway. My dreams are clearing up again and messages are coming through. The portal – gateway (same thing) – of this Spring equinox was one of those messages.

I was with a group of older individuals who I perceived as “celebrity” in status. Much like I am in waking life, their status did not impress me other than for me to take note of it and offer them my respect and gratitude. A gathering was under way and now that I am awake I understood it was a council meeting of which I was granted access. As I witnessed the meeting as more of an observer than a participate, I overheard them discussing the portal and how it was in “sections”. I saw it, then, but the image was confusing. It looked like universes superimposed over universes. The word that comes to mind is “stargate”. The sections of this stargate were what I was seeing. Each section built upon the other but not all sections were available for access at the same time. When complete, a portal was created that resembled a many petaled flower, or lotus, with petals overlapping the closer to the center one got.

At one point I recognized something they said and interjected saying, “I know what you are talking about! I’ve been on that spacecraft! But I didn’t know it was in sections. I guess I can see how that could be…how I’ve only been on one section at a time up until now…” They corrected me almost instantly, and I got a feeling here much like I use to get as a young child when I interrupted my parents while they were having a serious conversation. Obviously I had gotten my facts mixed up. They were not discussing a spacecraft but an actual event that was underway and would culminate at a much later date.

Two men from the group took me to the side and began to talk to me privately. As I look back on the experience I realize they were “babysitting” me similar to what happens when children interrupt adults and have to be supervised so as to not do it again. But this was done with great love and never did I feel that I had done anything wrong. It is only the me looking back at it that sees it that way.

The discussion here was about music and they were asking me if I knew their music. The year 1970 came up and I wracked my brain trying to recall what artists these men were. They looked familiar to me but I couldn’t place them, the time period they were referencing too far before my own birth for me to clearly relate. I recall hearing them ask me about the Mamas and the Papas and I recognized the band but otherwise was clueless. I began to tell them about my own musical library and got very excited then, going back over all the genres of music I have ever liked and listened to and remarking at how diverse it was. It made me feel accomplished for some reason when I recognized this about myself.

One of the men, his face clear to me even now, was very kind to me and genuinely interested in what I had to say. I was listing out all the bands I had ever liked (long list) and recall he stopped me when I mentioned The Cure. He repeated to me, “The Cure” and it brought on full lucidity, pulling me out of sleep. Upon waking I knew he was telling me that this portal and its many sections were part of the Cure for humanity.

I knew I needed to share this here on my blog because of this particular portal and its impact on those of us who are currently experiencing the intensity of the many shifts of 2017. This portal, of which the Spring Equinox is only one section, will provide us with opportunities for stepping into our authenticity. This comes with much shedding of the False Self, a process we have all experienced in our own way this entire lifetime. I, personally, have been chipping away, consciously, at this False Self since 2003. Some of you have been doing so for much longer periods of time, while still others have already managed to embrace your True Self but have yet to integrate it fully, still tying up the loose ends of your lives.

For those of you like me, who are very close to releasing the False Self completely (meaning the last layers of that onion are falling away), prepare for some intense healing and purging. I was warned that the 20th will be intensely powerful for me and to expect high emotion with it. I am already experiencing it. The False Self (Ego) does not release its hold without a fight and the closer we get to releasing it, the more it becomes like a noose around our throat.

2017 is kicking my butt.

 

 

 

 

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Staying in 3D

A few years ago, when I first began to interact with other Lightworkers online, a friend and fellow Lightworker/Wayshower/astral traveler (the list goes on), announced that she knew that she would be “staying behind” in 3D to help those who were left behind. At the time I did not really understand what that meant but it stayed with me. I wondered if I was like her. Would I be one of those who stayed behind to help?

Yesterday a feeling and Knowing came over me suddenly. I had been thinking about the information I recently received about selecting timelines for the embodiment of Light. I knew this process had been going on since the end of February for me and soon would be coming to an end. I also knew that when it was done that I would be staying in 3D. I pushed the thought out of my mind, though. Surely I would not be doing all this grueling work only to stay behind!?

This morning when I awoke I knew the information from the previous day was correct. I am staying behind. In fact, that is why I am here. Just like my friend said years ago, I am staying behind to help with the ascension.

Upset at this and feeling a bit deflated (I’ve been through the wringer since last November!), I just accepted the news. What else can I do? I am so exhausted, so tired of thinking and analyzing this process. To me staying behind means that I am in 3D to stay. There will continue to be the 3D drama, negativity, illusions, etc that will be part of my experience. I will continue to live as I have been, immersed in that reality whether I like it or not. It is all purposeful.

But it does not mean that I am not ascending. No, quite the opposite. It just means that I will remain “living life in-between”. One foot in 3D and the other in higher realms/dimensions, accessing higher dimensional Knowledge as I have been ever since my awakening in 2003.

This straddling two realities is not easy. It never has been. I really prefer to be in one or the other. It makes life so much simpler. But it is not to be. I can’t help with the ascension if I leave the 3D experience behind me.

It is not just me doing this, either. I hate to tell you this, but if you are like me then you are going to do exactly the same. It is part of your work. You will bring the Light to 3D. This is embodiment in a nutshell. If you thought (like I did) that ascension meant you would one day be completely free of 3D, you were/are incorrect. Ascension/descension is the creation of a bridge between the lower physical realities and the higher frequency dimensions of Light.  This “bridge” is what we ARE.We act as anchors of the Light, holding it here so that others can access it. It’s a big job. And for me it is going to take at least two more lifetimes. Two! Imagine knowing that. Two more lifetimes living life in-between. Just thinking of that makes me tired. lol

I know, I know, this is something I should have already known. Maybe I did at some level but the experience of it kind of brings it Home. Thankfully I have killed off so much of my Ego programming now that it really makes no difference to me where I am – 3D or 5D or wherever. I just want to get the job done. This living life in-between is tough.

 

 

 

 

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Selecting Timelines to Embody the Light

I’m going to try to put into words something that I was shown last night relating to timelines and embodying the Light. It may make absolutely no sense but then it was mostly images and impressions so translating those into words can be a challenge as you know.

I awoke at 11:11pm from a mass of dreams that seemed to pile one on top of the other. The last thing I recall of the dream sequence was of being inside a subway or train station of some sort. I saw a woman walking away from me. I said to her, “So you don’t want to?” She did not reply and kept walking. I shifted focus, moving on toward a point of light.

I woke up before I got to the light and there was a sudden Knowing of what I had been doing.  My guidance was also close and assisting. I heard, “Embodying the Light” and saw how this was done. It is related to what others are calling “jumping timelines” but that is not at all what is really happening. We are not “jumping” really, we are selecting timelines, organizing them according to vibration level/intention. This is done across all available timelines and is so vast it is beyond human comprehension.

What I am doing in dreamtime, what we are all doing right now, is rapidly analyzing all available timelines that we occupy. These are viewed, the lifetimes scanned for vibration and “level” reached. I say “level” but this is only because I cannot find any other word that fits what I saw/experienced. We as the surveyor of our own lifetimes/timelines are attempting to gather up and organize into groups all similar lifetimes/timelines. I saw millions of tiny lights slowly converge according to similar vibration/level. They seemed to move outward, like a tiny universe, growing larger until there only remained maybe a dozen large “suns” or balls of white light.

I remember how this analysis was done. I would “jump” to a timeline, converse with myself in it, and ask her/him if they were interested in living/experiencing life. This question was not meant to distinguish between whether the me in that timeline wanted to live or die. It was meant to test intention and vibration level. The answer would in turn always indicate their vibration or wavelength. The dream section I recalled was an answer I received from a particular me in a particular timeline. She said no, meaning her vibration and intention was not matching what I was looking for. It was like her purpose and mine were out of sync. That timeline was then automatically grouped with other similar timelines.

What does this have to do with embodying the Light? Honestly, it is hard to describe. It was a feeling that it was part of the preparation process. We have reached a point in our spiritual evolution where we can take the chaos and shape it into order. The timelines are scattered about haphazardly. We are “harvesting” them for a purpose. Harvesting those with similar vibrations and then aligning them all accordingly. From there it is an ordered line spiral from one extreme to the other. From this vantage point the “Light” can penetrate throughout all timelines. When complete we can occupy any of the final timeline groups and embody the Light in those experiences.

They key is the grouping according to vibration. Aligned vibrations or wavelengths create a uniform medium through which a single beam of Light can penetrate. Otherwise the Light would scatter, similar to light filtering through a drop of rain creating a rainbow. The Light has been scattered, this has been our experience up until now. A “rainbow” of experience. Not bad, just an experience. We are now focusing the Light, creating another kind of experience. What that will be like, I am unsure, but I see it as brilliant, white Light.

BTW, “Harvest” is the word I kept hearing. It kinda creeped me out but then it is what it is.

My dreams continued to be strange and confused through the night. I have some recollection of choosing “faces” like masks to wear. I also had impressions that didn’t make much sense to me at all. It was like I was moving so much that all was left were jumbled impressions of where I had been.

In all honestly, what we are doing, how it is stated – the wording, etc. – doesn’t matter. We are preparing to fully embody the Light, to streamline our own inner universe (because really all of this is taking place INSIDE us) so that we can focus the Light and put it to greater use. I see the rainbow of color that is the result of the chaos (3D experience or whatever you want to call it) as the chakras. The focusing of the Light into one color – White – is the alignment of those chakras (rainbow). When aligned the Light no longer scatters, the chakrs lose their color, and all that is left is the brilliant White Light of US – Source – God.

It’s really very beautiful if you don’t over analyze the words and focus on how it feels.

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Dance in the Rain: Choose Joy

You may be wondering if I’m still doing the happy dance over here. Well, yes and no. Yes, I am still feeling silly. Singing and dancing, playing around with my kids, just enjoying life. Then there is the “no” part. I only said “no” because yesterday morning I woke with a strange “off” feeling in stark contrast to how I have been waking every morning for the past week. Ultimately, it was a premonition of things to come. My husband triggered me and I spent a good part of the morning working with intention and pulling myself out of the heavier energy I allowed myself to fall into. But I  did it. 🙂

This song came to me while I was reversing the energy flow and shifting back into my happy place.

I went to bed feeling happy. 🙂 This morning I awoke feeling happy. Silly songs were going through my mind and I felt like dancing. Honestly, this personality change reminds me of my “drunk” self. I’m a happy drunk, a silly drunk, a talkative, laughing, high-as-a-kite drunk. Some say you become your “real” self when you’re drunk. Perhaps it is true? And now I am just being my real self when in the past I was unable to fully embrace her?

Here is a song that was going through my head when I woke up this morning. Makes me want to spin around and around and around while smiling really big.

So are you tired of my happy posts yet? Anyone disgusted, jealous, or just can’t stand to read my posts lately? (gagging sound) I totally understand. I’ve done a bit of gagging in my life and been completely put off by being around people who are “overly happy to the point of sickening”. I get it. I do. Hate me, pass up my happy posts. I’ll still be happy over here dancing to songs from the Minion’s movie. To be totally honest, I never thought this kind of extended happy feeling could be maintained. I do reality checks often (am I dreaming?) and turns out this is real.

You may also be turned off by my posts because your reality right now is in stark contrast to my own. I’ve been there. It’s tough. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I love you. I hope you can feel it.

The energies right now are brutal! First, there were several intensely powerful gamma ray bursts. Then came the geomagnetic storms that are only now subsiding.

planetary-k-index

We are being tumbled and thrown about in a raging ocean of intense energy – energy of extremes – positive/negative, protons and neutrons – cellular restructuring, crystallizing. Just when you come up for air you are pummeled and pushed below the water’s surface again.

By the way, I’m not immune, either. Not only was I triggered by my husband, but my neck has been feeling strange, energy swirling up and around the back of it and at moments causing me to feel as if I have a sore throat on the outside. Try to imagine that…. My lips are peeling like I burned them (I know weird). I’m super hungry and thirsty. So yeah, I have some side-effects, too.

I’ve been asked by others how to ride this wave. No you are not dying. You are transforming and this WILL pass.

My advice has been listen to your body. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re thirsty, drink up. If your mind is slowly sending you into a deep, never-ending despair or taking you around in circles, get out of it and into your heart. If you can’t manage that, then occupy your mind with something mentally challenging. Crossword puzzle? Or do something grounding but active like house cleaning, walking, strenuous exercise for short periods.

Sometimes, though, you may just have to allow whatever it is that needs to surface to come up. Then let it go. Harder than it sounds, I know. It takes practice. I am by no means a master at it. It took me all morning yesterday to “let go” and “hold space” for myself and my husband. Setting an intention helps.

Hot salt baths with essential oils are one of my favorite ways to handle intense energies. Sometimes they incite an emotional release. It’s okay. Cry in heaving sobs. Get it out.

Don’t forget to turn to what brings you joy in life. This can be a masterful way of integrating the energies. If you have children, surround yourself in their hugs. Snuggle. Watch a movie together. Veg out. Love to sing? Sing, even if it a sorrowful song. Drawing, painting, gardening, dancing….do whatever brings your heart joy even if at the time you don’t feel that joy.

A question I’ve seen a lot of lately:

I’ve been on this ascension path for what seems like forever! When will it stop?

Hate to tell you, but there is no “end”. We are always ascending. And descending. It’s a spiral. The pain, the discomfort, the struggle will stop when you are done with the experience. Think back to when you were a child. You were curious. You explored your world. You spent hours sometimes just exploring one particular object or space. Sometimes you went back over and over to this space or activity. When did you stop? When you were no longer interested in it. Then you moved on to explore something else. This is how we are as Spirit – forever children in awe and fascination with life and existence. Though you may feel you are “done” and have lost interest in the ascension path, your higher self may still have more to explore and is currently fascinated with whatever experience you find yourself in.

For me, I had to surrender. Completely surrender. I’ve been traveling this path all.my.life, but intensely so since 2003 and even more intensely since 2014. It was only recently that I finally surrendered and I only did so when backed into a corner. I thought for sure I was going to do something crazy, lose my mind, die the most horrendous death. I was ready to commit myself, to take any and all psychiatric medications just to make the pain stop. I had many previous “death” moments, but nothing like this.

On the other side of it, I can see how I chose the path, the pain and despair. Once I surrendered I saw that I could choose love, joy, happiness. That it is an intention. Though I had set intentions previously, I never truly understood the process until now. It is not a mental activity – Think what you want and focus on it and it will come to you. It’s from the heart. It’s a feeling. A full allowance and openness from the heart. There is no doubt, no second guessing, no what if’s. Setting an intention from the mind opens you up to all of the booby traps of the mind and leads to failure. It’s a lot of work, too. You have to keep thinking, focusing, re-stating intention. When it comes from the heart it just IS.

I hope this all makes sense and provides you with some kind of direction, some kind of solace as you ride the storm. If anything, listen to Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head. Hopefully it will make you smile.

 

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LaLa Land

Today feels so random to me. That’s probably why I keep forgetting things. For example, I didn’t know it was Tuesday or what time it was. When I looked at the clock and saw it was almost noon I did a double take. Huh? Then, suddenly I came back to myself (where had I been?) and realized not only had I missed a meeting for my daughter at the school, but I had forgotten to pay a bill and misplaced a check! So for about thirty minutes I was in a tizzy trying to locate myself in this body and place long enough to get a grip. LOL

The forgetfulness is becoming more and more common. It is not just forgetting to do things, it is forgetting days of the week, time, people, responsibilities, etc. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s more like I just don’t think. The bill I was suppose to pay, that would have never happened two years ago. I would have paid it in advance and checked it off in my mind as “done”. And the missed meeting? I would have been there and not needed a reminder. Now I just don’t seem to have those mental bookmarks. They’re gone. Vanished. I misplaced my mind somewhere….

Another thing that doesn’t happen is I don’t get overwhelmed and angry at myself for forgetting things like I use to. The bill today will be late. We will get a $25 late fee. The old me would have spent hours angry at herself for screwing up and wasting money, etc. The new me? I think, “It’s just money. What’s done is done” and move on back into my little happy place. Hehe

I try not to think of all the late fees I’ve accrued in the past year. Not to mention completely forgotten debts, appointments….thoughts. Eek! LOL

I’m a much happier person for the absentmindedness. I don’t miss how I use to be.

What do I think about now days? Hmmmm. Food. lol Well, not just food, but I like to cook and then eat it, so yeah, food. Today I’ve mostly been thinking about how super excited I am for no reason at all. I’ve been trying to put my finger on the reason but all that comes up are random happy thoughts. For example, I made this awesome cabbage soup last night (yeah food again) and was thinking how great it is and I am for making something so great. Other things that make me happy are nature. I love it outside and have been outside a lot lately. It feels like Spring. Blue skies, temps in the 70’s, birds singing. I close my eyes and feel the breeze and just sit in the sun, soaking it up not really thinking about anything. Then I think how awesome it would be to have a friend to share all these happy things with and then that passes and I am back to just Being, soaking up the sun and hugs from my son. I thought briefly about making a video of being happy and then just laughed at myself. I just don’t feel like doing anything or thinking anything. I just want to BE. Ever tried it? It’s amazing!!!

So see why I am absentminded? Getting caught up in happy all the time can make you forget stuff, well the stuff that isn’t important anyway. Like bills….lolol

Which brings to mind the spiritual stuff alongside my happiness. A night or so ago I was outside and got a visit from Habib. LOL Whose that? I don’t know, some man in spirit who paid me a visit. He was super close, on my left, as if talking directly in my ear which meant his voice was audible more than normal and very deep. He spoke slowly and gave me advice. What? I don’t know now. Something spiritual, my mind is blank…Ha! Anyway, he came and then left and one of my guides said, “Did you forget you could do that?” What? Hear Spirit? Nah, just didn’t expect some foreign dude named Habib. lol Then there was this “understanding” that it might be a good time to revisit some of my left-behind abilities and skills.

Lo and behold I have been contacted twice this week for assistance. Twice in a week when normally I get maybe twice a year….I’ve been busy transforming I guess.

Anyway, you can see I’m a bit up in the clouds today. Again. Lalalalalalalala….LaLa Land is what I was trying to say. But this is not normal LaLa Land for me. This is like I am celebrating life and open to anything. Really a nice feeling to have. Bring it on!

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Ascended?

Funny how when I write about how disconnected and disengaged I feel that things shift. Just last night, while enjoying the house to myself once again a feeling came over me and Knowingness just seemed to pour through me. It is Knowing that I’ve had before yet somehow ended up assuming was wrong or false, so remembering it was like a bolt of lightening, waking me up in the Now moment and causing me to go, “Oh yeah, that…” It was followed by a feeling of “Oh shit.” lol But not really a bad feeling, only a realization that just because I allow myself to fall out of sync with my Higher Self for a while doesn’t mean that the mission/plan has changed. Nothing has changed.

For the next half hour I could see ahead in this life. It was not specifics, just a general feeling of what is to come. It was like I had on special future-seeing goggles that allowed me to peruse the next two to three years as if flipping through a picture book to the end. The overall feeling was there were some things coming up that were not pleasant but that in the end it would all smooth out and I would be exactly in the right place. I could see how everything up until now played out as planned, too. It created within me a very masterful feeling, like an all-knowing planner/creator-type mastery. Yeah, it’s gone now. Fleeting but enough to shake me awake.

I will say that being in this state of Remembering caused me to feel uncomfortable. When it hits it feels strange, like something from a Sci-Fi movie; dreamy and surreal. A part of me always rejects the feeling. Being aware of both the part of me that Knows and the part of me that hides from Knowing is what creates the uncomfortable feeling. Lately I have been pushing away the Knowing and focusing on being “normal”, trying to be the me prior to Awakening. That is never easy and always fails to work, yet it does offer a brief reprieve which I desperately needed after November and December’s empathic overwhelm. This time I must have really done a good job of avoiding to be surprised by sudden Knowing.

The Knowing didn’t stop there, though. It has remained and persisted throughout my dreams.

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Dream: Reuniting with MySelf

I recognized myself as male in dreams spanning throughout the first half of the night. Though I don’t recall all of the dreams, toward the end I began to gain lucidity. I walked through a door and spotted a very obese, blonde woman laying on the floor. At the same time I knew I had entered into a prison and was aware of iron bars on the windows. I recognized the woman as my partner, my wife, but also as a part of me. An aching followed. I had missed her terribly! I ran up to her, looked into her eyes and wrapped my arms around her. She embraced me back. That was when I realized I was as obese as she was but I didn’t care. I was so very happy to be reunited with her. It had been too long. I was so happy I began to cry. The tears woke me up. I was still crying upon waking.

When I woke I knew the dream represented a major step towards Wholeness for me. Not only did I identify myself as male, but I encountered my female Self and we embraced, reunited after a very long time. While recognizing this, I noticed my entire crown was lit up with energy and the energy was jumping around my head. It was like I had a light show going on in my head but it was very comforting. My guidance was reassuring and I was in a kind of daze of Knowingness.

Yet another connection is that in my dreams I tend to sit or be on the right. Also, while I tend to favor my left side when I sleep, lately I have favored my right. Feminine corresponds to left side of the body, right hemisphere or the brain. Masculine corresponds to the right side of the body, left hemisphere of the brain. It appears I am identifying with and balancing the masculine right now.

Dream: Ascended?

I was driving on a 5 lane residential street. I moved into the far right lane but was slowed by a work crew who appeared to be dusting for bugs. A Native American worker told me they were monitoring tree bark. I could see it on the road in piles. It was rusty orange. He said the bark’s diameter was thinning because of drought.

Then I was at a house that was also my place of work. I had two weeks remaining and wanted to quit but didn’t because it was good money. Though I wore an apron like a waitress I knew I was employed by an escort service. I felt to be betraying myself in staying for the money. I began talking to a man about it. He mentioned to me a word I now can’t remember but this word represented a situation ascended individuals often find themselves in. They desire to be and communicate with other ascended individuals about 5D things and find their existence in 3D very unfulfilling and lonely. He told me that I was perfectly normal and repeated to me that it was typical of “ascended individuals.” When he said this I became extremely lucid and the phrase seemed to echo in my mind.

I woke up trying to remember the word used but couldn’t. Then I wondered, “Surely he wasn’t implying that I am already ascended? If so, then what does that mean? I don’t feel ascended but then again I’m not sure what it feels like to be ascended.”

The rest of the dream makes sense to me. The right side of the road equals the masculine. Tree bark represents one’s thick skinned nature. It is thinning so I must be letting down some protective barriers. I have only 2 weeks left at my job and have often thought of leaving but stay because the money is so good. I would rather be working because I enjoy the work than for the money.

What Happens After Ascension?

The above dream message had me thinking this morning. If I have somehow ascended, now what? What happens after? I recognize that I really didn’t understand the word “ascension” nor had I even thought about what happens after because, to me, the ultimate goal is leaving this physical body/experience and returning to Source. I didn’t consider that it is a continual process, one that never really ends or begins. Never-ending spirals of consciousness. So, really, to be told I have ascended only means I have gone beyond the point before, the “end” being reached but only an end to what came before so that something new can begin and I can ascend through the next spiral. If that makes sense. lol

I found this article helpful in case you would like to read more on what others have said about what happens after ascension.

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Going Down

The pummeling continues for me. Apparently I am not alone. Though I don’t have much time lately to peruse the articles on the internet, I am occasionally drawn to one to confirm whatever it is that has briefly crossed my mind. I ran across this one today and the map pictured in it pulled me in. It reminded me of a dream I had a few nights ago in which I was being shown power spots in the U.S. Mt. Shasta was one of those. I also saw other locations spread across the globe. The description of the energies in this post also hit home. I am suffering. Still. Thankfully I don’t have body issues. Mine is all emotional. It is like my empathic side is super charged. I don’t like it.

Yesterday it seemed like all was back to “normal” for a while. I went for an hour long run with my husband. We talked the entire time. It was pleasant and I had more energy than I thought I would. The day was beautiful. Clear blue skies, cool temperatures, just a nice day. When I got home I felt very grounded and stable. I thought maybe the upheaval I have been experiencing was over. Yet I knew with that thought that it wasn’t.

Dream: U-Turn

I was driving along a busy highway. There were more lanes than I could count and it was night and the headlights of thousands of cars filled my vision. I was not in a car, I was flying at very high speeds. For some reason, I felt I had missed my exit. I couldn’t figure out where I was. Everything was foreign to me. I determined that I was going the wrong way and so suddenly turned around, making a u-turn into the lanes going the opposite direction. No headlights were on that side. It was clear.

I turned quickly and with too much speed but managed to go the other way. Several people stopped me, asking if I was okay. I said I was and kept going. Yet when I began to look for the right exit, I found I was in the wrong place. My exit was going the other way. This confused me even more.

Dream: Going Down

I must have exited and found myself inside a building with many levels. There was a restaurant and the floors were uneven with many levels of their own. I ended up in front of a row of elevators. I was told some were not working properly. I watched three doors open. Doors 3, 4 and 5. The problem was that once the doors closed they would not go in the direction intended and you may end up trapped inside. Despite this, I saw my middle son get in. The door closed and when he came out his clothes were gone and he was completely naked. The same thing happened to others who got in. Completely naked.

I saw one elevator open to the level on the other side. A man went in and ran across. When he made it to the other side he was burned, a big, red circle on his midsection. It was clear to me these elevators were not normal. I asked how we would be able to get up to the higher floors. I was told, “These elevators are going down. We are already on the top floor.” In my mind I saw that they descended hundreds of floors down, into a space that was beyond my comprehension. I knew I had to choose one and allow it to take me down. I was afraid.

At My Limit

When I awoke from these dreams I was disoriented. It reminded me of experiences I have been having when I drive lately. I will find myself driving along and suddenly not know where I am. I will panic and it takes time to figure out where I am. The first time this happened it was on a drive to my Mom’s at Thanksgiving. Since then, whenever I drive I worry it will happen again and many times it does making it that much scarier to be behind the wheel. The lights of the cars blend together and I feel disoriented and confused. It is like I am a new driver and am not sure I can drive a car.

I burst into tears because this feeling is how my life feels right now. It is like when I went scuba diving at night. It is the most disorienting thing. You can’t determine which way is up, down, east, west. The blackness is scary and you freeze because you don’t know where to go or where it will lead you.

I spent a good hour this morning in bed crying. Crying because nothing makes sense and I can’t figure out what to do. The counselor side of me kicked in, though, and I understood why my guidance keeps suggesting that I dive into my 3D life. My job and my kids right now are my only stable ground. Take one or both of those away and I am sure I would crash into a psychotic break or worse. Without these responsibilities to push me out of bed every morning, I don’t know where I would be right now. Not a good place, I’m sure.

This is by far the worst time in my life to date. I can’t stress how bad I am/feel. Inside. On the outside, I look fine. I’m good at faking it. An old pro. But this is pushing me to my breaking point. I don’t know what that will look like. Ugly probably.

Even at work today I had to hide many times throughout the day. This is not the first time, either. It’s an on-again, off-again cycle. Good day. Brutal day. Okay day. Brutal day. So even immersion in 3D is not doing me much good now.

Guidance

My guidance is not helping much. Lately they have been saying, “We can’t interfere.” The only constant is that whatever this is will pass and on the other side things will be “clear”. They did say I am delving deep into the subconscious, into uncharted territory. Whatever it is that I am digging up is really heavy stuff. I wish I could make sense of it, but then I would have to have energy to do that. Right now I am exhausted. All the life has been sucked out of me.

These two songs have been helpful lately. Music and art have been my saviors. Any creative outlet helps. So if you are going through something like I am, create something. Anything. It makes the pain bearable.

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light….. 🙂

 

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Anger’s Turn

I thought I was to get a reprieve on the emotional dreams. Well, I sorta did except now the emotion is anger. I mean make-a-person-turn-red-in-the-face anger. Yeah. That bad. Funny enough, I am much better with anger than the deep, soul wrenching agony I was experiencing. Give me anger any day over that mess. I just don’t handle the heaviness in my heart. Apathy is the pits. Anger isn’t heavy. Its animated. It takes action. I’m all about action.

As with my other dreams, the connection to the emotion isn’t always obvious.

Dream: Twin Toilets

I entered into a bathroom to use it. It was dark and there were two large windows. Yellow light was pouring in through them almost blinding me. I went to the first toilet to use it and found it was full of feces. I flushed it and the toilet drained but when it re-filled the feces came back up. Gross.

On the other side of the vanity and sink was another toilet. I heard someone say, “Use the other one.” No one was with me so not sure who made the suggestion. I went to the other one. The water was clear.

I woke up furious and arguing with someone saying, “Two is NOT better than one.” All I could think about was that I was left to clean up someone else’s mess all alone. No support. Denied love. Blocked communication. Abandoned.

Interpretation

I see the contrast between the dream from the past and this current dream. Their is a separation between the toilets now and one is full of feces which represents an aspect of Self that is considered dirty and repulsive. I had thought the past dream was representative of connecting with another in the physical – my “twin” – but now I think it may have been representative of another aspect of myself. This dream confirms the latter is more likely. I am being given a choice between two very different aspects of Self. Those aspects are no longer close together but drifting farther and farther apart. The voice told me to choose one over the other, indicating I have a choice.

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Dream: Drained Battery

I was in a house with two rooms. The next day I was to catch a plane. It was late and I was almost done, going through a check-list in my mind to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I was already in bed and near sleep when I remembered I needed to charge my phone. I jumped out of bed and found my phone. The battery symbol was in the red and it was in power saving mode. I found the adapter and plugged it into the wall and also connected it with an ethernet cord. The phone wouldn’t charge, though.

A black woman was suddenly by my side suggesting I use the outlet in the other room. She showed me her phone was charging just fine. I tried the outlet and the phone would not charge. She pointed out another outlet on the other side of the room. Still nothing. She even suggested I call the phone company. I told her I couldn’t at such a late hour.

I ventured back to my room feeling frustrated. What was wrong with my phone!? Without it I would have no way to communicate!

The lights then turned on and I was standing inside a huge garage. I could see better and saw an outlet. I plugged my phone in and it finally showed it was charging. Again I had to plug it in to an electrical outlet and an ethernet outlet.

Interpretation

This dream seems to be focusing on my struggle to find energy/motivation. There is also the communication element as indicated by the cell phone. I feel unable to communicate; blocked on all sides. There is also feeling unheard by my guidance and by those around me. It feels pointless to even attempt to communicate. Like it won’t do any good.

Note: This morning, when I woke up, my phone had died in the night, so drained of battery that when I turned it on, it would immediately shut down before it registered the charger. This happened three times and on the fourth it finally accepted the charge and did not shut down. I got very concerned at first, thinking I would have to take it to the cell phone company to get it fixed or replaced. Just like in the dream. Weird.

Dream: Twin Kittens

A mother calico cat and two calico kittens were near me. The entire dream was focused on them. They were given to me and I was taking care of them. The mother cat remained curled up protectively around the two kittens. All three of them were the muddle, dirty calico, not with the defined typical calico patterns. All of them were female. I was talking to someone about moving them from one location to another and being given encouragement. I remember focusing on the little kittens, their round bellies full of milk, happily cuddling in their mother’s embrace. They had tiny little brown eyes and were perfect in every way. It was like I returned to my youth when I use to love baby animals of all kinds and watched many litters of kittens be born and raised. I even use to collect cat and kitten figurines when I was around 10-11 years old.

Interpretation

I am not sure how to interpret this dream. The twin theme is repeating but as kittens. Kittens represent transitional phases toward independence. Since the twins are both female, I am not sure what to think except that maybe again they symbolize the two aspects of Self. I did focus on the one on the left more than the right. Perhaps that is significant. The coloration could also be significant – all three were muddy, blurred calico colors. This could indicate that there is confusion present.

In-Between

I had many discussions while in the in-between. I heard song phrases in my head. One was from Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody – “Gotta leave it all behind and face the truth.” The other was from the song Litost, “Just to say that I’m yours and you’ll never be mine.”

All along I was furious. I began to think of something someone posted on FB about a woman who views all ET experiences, spiritual ascension experiences and Twin Flame phenomena as a ploy by negative ET races who are trying to control the human race. The question was raised if it was possible that the heart connection and intense magnetism of Twin Flame and similar experiences was one of these control mechanisms. I had replied that I couldn’t imagine such a beautiful heart experience would be something sinister. This morning I considered that maybe I am wrong about it. Maybe it all is the domain of Team Dark, meant to throw us off our paths and control us? It seemed an accurate conclusion, especially with all the anger I was feeling. Once again I had the consideration to disappear from the internet but this time because suddenly all my spiritual experiences felt all to be a lie to me, meant to distract me from living so that I fall into a fantasy world that will never be.

Before you all panic, all of this is just a process that is occurring, an allowing of the expression of emotions. It doesn’t mean I am tossing everything I have been through or that I think it is all manipulation by Team Dark.