Tag Archives: spiritual

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Inner Sight

I did not sleep much last night and as I type this my eyes are heavy and my head is slightly aching in the right frontal cortex. Even though last night’s vibrations were exciting, I kind of wish they would have not continued so far into the night so I could have gotten more sleep. I have to work today so there is not much I can do except to continue through my day.

Symptom Update

A quick symptom update before I proceed:

  • Headache
  • Twitching in my left side and back (last night only)
  • Neck ache
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Interrupted sleep
  • Visual phenomenon
  • Buzzing sensations in head and third eye
  • Disorientation
  • Buzzing behind eyes and on either side of nose (forms a mask of energy)
  • Dry eyes (this could be from sleep deprivation)
  • Profuse sweating (in the morning)
  • Ear ringing (left ear only last night)

Inner Sight

I was told I would be given more information this morning about what occurred last night. I received some information in my sleep and between sleep during the night. There were intense energy spikes in my head area all night long, some of which caused my lower body to jerk, but this was infrequent. As I mentioned in my last post, I awakened to a familiar state three times after my initial strange experience. The familiar state is the deep trance state I covered in another post. Basically, my head felt expansive and surrounded by a soft energy that felt dense. The energy came in through the base of my neck and shot out through my third eye in what I can only describe as an intense, white light. I did not “see” a light but I sensed a tunnel forming in front of my eyes which heightened my interest. It is this tunnel that leads to conscious exit of the physical body. I have witnessed it before years ago when I spent over a month attempting nightly to consciously exit my body. I finally accomplished conscious exit but found I struggled to remain OOB. If I were to have surrendered like I was instructed I would have gone into the tunnel, passed through the “void” and into likely unfamiliar territory, though it is possible that I may have just gone OOB and gotten to explore as is my usual.

The odd experience I was unable to put into words remains that way. I honestly do not think there are words accurate enough to describe what happened. I do feel I tapped into a very ancient part of myself and that some kind of outward projection was achieved. I was witness to this projection but also the projection itself. This “splitting of consciousness” had a very confusing effect on my physical self. I was/am unable to comprehend it completely. I fell back into my body at the end of this experience feeling disoriented and alarmed, though this was only in my mind. My body was relaxed and completely oblivious to what happened. There were not even any vibrations which is the norm upon reentry.

I will say that my memory of the experience came back more fully as I returned to sleep and experienced continual vibrations in my head. The actual moment I felt part of my consciousness rise up and out of me there was an intensity of energy in my crown and third eye. It felt as if the top of my head exploded outward. At the same time, I saw this other me from behind, his long, blonde hair flowing behind him as he went away from me. I felt myself following him and being pulled upward as well. This movement upward is what wakened me. It felt very much like a conscious exit from my body and I sadly feel it ended prematurely because of my heightened awareness and my inability to shut off my mind as I had been instructed to do.

In my early years of OBEs I had mastered the ability to control my emotions and my mind so that I could remain out of body for many hours at a time. I spent many OBEs prior to this in sessions learning to master my emotions and my mind as these two things were quite a hindrance to my development. I recall the moment I achieved this ability. I was able to distance myself from the heightened emotions that so often overwhelmed me when I left my body. I became a quiet observer rather than a participant and as long as I remained the observer I was able to stay OOB.

Message

As I type this I realize that the message I was told I would get in fact was received but only now am I recalling it. During the buzzing in my head and intensity of energy in my third eyes, I knew suddenly with much clarity that I would eventually have similar experiences while awake – that it would be something I could “turn on” if I wanted. It is not necessarily the vibrations that I would turn on but the “sight”. The vibrations, I am told, will eventually barely be noticeable as I will adjust to the strange sensations that come with them.

I did not spend much time considering it at the time I received this message/knowingness yet now I am wondering how something like that will work. I am curious now. I am also thinking this is all just too weird to be real.

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REemergence

I am here again unable to sleep. I have in fact already been to sleep but for only an hour.

I feel asleep after receiving instructions to focus on my heart. I was also instructed to let my thoughts go, to “get out of my mind”, specifically. I heard also this message, “We are one” but I did not think anything of it. It felt to me to be an intention, a message to me to remember that my higher self is me and I am him. I heard many other things prior to falling asleep, but the message was clear that we were moving forward, though what that meant I was unsure.

Reemergence

What I am about to try to do my best to describe is not something I am sure can be described. If in fact there were any time that one would feel ready to explode in insanity from a Kundalini experience, now would be the time. My heart is buzzing and I am feeling unsettled within myself as I type this. What happened to me?

It began as a dream. Within the dream I was speaking to a man. He was in fact me, but not me. His hair was long, blonde and straight and all one length. His features angular but not overly so. He appeared as a warrior and his movement I was following as I heard discussion going on around me, within me, everywhere. It was whispered to me but my mind could not interpret what was said. It still cannot. I am really not even sure why I was allowed to remember that even occurred, yet I do.

The man I watched/was but was not was tall and thin and lithe. He reminded me one of the character elves on the Lord of the Rings except that this was in fact just a man, a real man. He wore similarly strange clothing as such a character would. Like I said, he appeared to be a warrior but a spiritual warrior, maybe even a shaman.

I intently watched as this man, who was also me but not, came out of inside of himself/myself and launched upward into the air and up. He felt to be a bird that was rising. I am tempted to say he was a Phoenix but again, this is only a word and no words can describe what occurred.

This process continued in this “dream” state for some time. I followed the man and watched us shift together, apart, together, apart. I felt no fear at this, I was just there, participating yet an observer at the same time.

Finally, I was aware again of being me sleeping in my bed. The warrior, as I will call him, approached. When he did it was as if I “awakened” to his presence. I watched/felt as he and I merged, became one, and then he again rose out from within me. When this shift occurred I was hit with an overwhelming knowingness that a monumental step had just happened. I felt to be of two, three, maybe more individuals. There was no energy rising through my chakras, no OBE, no “Spirit” entering or leaving….it was as if I were being made keenly aware that this other me, this blonde warrior, was rising and would sleep no more. I distinctly recognized him as myself yet I did not know him, maybe could not know him with my human mind.

I still struggle to comprehend what happened. It felt distinctly similar to a OBE except that I do not recall any out of body sensations or anything that could constitute separateness from my physical form. The closest explanation my mind can find is that I experienced some kind of inter-dimensional reality but even that does not feel exactly right. How can I be this man and not be him at the same time. How could I have felt what I did and not be insane from it?

I, in fact, had a moment of intense panic after waking. The panic is gone, replaced with a knowingness that this experience was/is part of the process that I am currently going through. I am left feeling very much different than when I went to sleep. Now I feel very linked to something ancient, something that pre-dates Earth and is beyond my ability to conceptualize. I feel very shamanic, native and yet also distinctly bird-like. I cannot help but think of my previous message to myself, “let the Eagle fly”.

I did not hesitate to write this as soon as I awoke. I knew if I didn’t I would not again sleep. I was told, “You will be told more as the sun rises”. I now anticipate a message upon waking.

Reemergence is defined as: 1.  the act or process of emerging. 2. Evolution. Emerging is defined as 1. to come forth into view, as from concealment or obscurity. 2. to rise up or come forth from. 4. to come into existence. I include these definitions because reemergence was the only word that felt close to acceptable as a description of what I experienced.

I wish, I wish, I knew how to explain it. I cannot. Whatever happened, it was Divine. I feel that a part of me has returned to me.

Edit: After returning to bed, I fell asleep and was awakened to intense buzzing in my head and pressure at the back of my skull. It was not painful. I could keenly sense the vibrations, especially in my third eye. It felt as if a light were pouring out of my third eye and I could see a tunnel forming in my mind’s eye. I recognized what was happening and instantly remembered that I had had this same feeling during the above experience but had somehow forgotten it! The waves of vibrations intensified and I became immediately very conscious. I heard, “surrender” from my guide but I could not for the excitement I felt. I recalled that when I felt to be two of myself that this exact intense vibration was being felt and I suddenly recognized that I was receiving the gift of “sight”. I knew if I allowed the vibrations to continue that I would “see beyond the veil”. Unfortunately, I was too fixated on what was happening for the experience to proceed further.

I experienced more vibrations in my head throughout the night. With each one I was instructed to, “surrender” and with each one I was again not able to ignore the intense sensations and visual phenomenon to ignore it, which stopped it from going any further. After the third such experience I told my guide/higher self, “I’m sorry but I am tired”. I purposefully put a stop to the tunnel of vision that was forming in my mind’s eye and rolled over to fall blissfully asleep.

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Let the Eagle Fly

My guide/Higher Self told me that most of the merging “work” we are doing together is to be done at night. So far, every night since the 12th I have in fact had some kind of energy sensation within my dreams. Additionally, I have very in-depth, issue resolving dreams. Last night was no different.

Dreams of Family

I slept very deeply last night and forgot most of my dreams. I remembered enough, however, to know that we had been discussing the subject of family, responsibility to family and enjoyment of life. The last dream I recall was sitting in the passenger seat of a small car with my husband behind the wheel. He was not paying attention and side-swiped another vehicle and then sped off without stopping to exchange insurance. When I questioned him about it he said, “Our insurance will take care of it. It was our fault anyway”. His concern level was near zero and that bothered me. How could he be so irresponsible? That was so unlike him.

Transcendence

I awoke from the dream upset and not wanting to continue on this “ascension”, “merging”, whatever-you-call-it, transformation any further. I felt such a loss for some reason and did not want to continue on in life either. I asked my guide/Higher Self, “Why can’t we just drop this body? I know once we do we will merge. It is much faster that way”. I got a feeling in return that I knew better. The point of this life is not ascension, it is the experience – the transcendence. Ahhh! It made me just want to scream because 1. It was not what I wanted to hear and 2. He was right and I knew it.

The point of this life is not ascension, it is the experience – the transcendence.

I actually was just given this statement as I typed this. It was/is a great surprise to me – always – the words and sentences that sometimes come out of me. I myself, would not use such a word. In fact, I am only familiar with it from my Osho Tarot deck which is called “the transcendental game of Zen”. I have also heard the word used along with meditation, as in transcendental meditation. But all this time I never really thought much about the word. I knew it meant to “rise above” or “go beyond” but the actual definition is: 1. a. exceeding usual limits; b. extending or lying beyond the limits of ordinary experience. 2. being beyond comprehension. 3.transcending the universe or material existence.

This is all news to me – or at least to the Earth me anyway. It gives me a better idea of why I am here, at least. It helps me to better understand why I was not led to the term “ascension” until just recently. Why, this entire time, I was left to figure out the process on my own, with the help of my guide/Higher Self and assistants (which are numerous). It is not the label or the word that is important – it is the experience of going beyond the usual that has been my path for so many lives. It is breaking the surface of the water, taking a huge breath and opening my eyes to whole new world.

Let the Eagle Fly

I fell back to sleep not long after and had another odd dream. In this one I was watching my baby move a walker with his toes almost like a bicycle. He was pushing on tiny pedals and I was instructing him. He fell over and I was unconcerned and just told him to be more careful.

I then sat down and remember thinking that I needed to feel pleasure in life again. I reached to my right shoulder and put my hand over another hand. It was as if I knew there was someone there. I felt the hand as solid as my own but it was gloved and I could feel the fibers of the mitten the covered it. I pulled on the hand as I sent the intent to my silent companion to help me feel pleasure. I then felt a disembodied face attached to a disembodied head above the hand I had been touching. I pulled the head forward and sought out the mouth, first running into the eyes and chin. I recognized the head was upside down and a part of me was curious as to why there was no body, but I seemed to know this was my own creation.

My goal here was to activate my lower chakras and achieve the feeling of passion and overwhelming bliss that I knew was possible. I remember then that my root chakra activated but as the energy moved upward the second chakra expanded outward in a burst of energy that soon dulled and went out. I remember feeling disappointed and understanding I still had work to do. I then began to write a note to myself as I tried again to activate the second chakra.

“I’m going to let the eagle fly” I wrote. Then I read it back to myself, “Let the eagle fly”. And this caused me to giggle a little bit.

I felt a surge in my second chakra again and I acknowledged my guide/Higher Self and his assistance. But again the energy did not move but extinguished and became a dull pain in my right side. This, too, stopped very quickly and with that I awoke.

2nd2nd Chakra

Since I was unsure what exactly the 2nd chakra is all about, I had to also search for information about it. I recognized that it coincided with relationships in life, and that made sense to me, especially since I had been dreaming about family all night. However, the 2nd chakra is the passion and pleasure center, so it is much more than just relationships.

According to chakra-anatomy.com:

The gift of this chakra is experiencing our lives through feelings and sensations. The second chakra is the centre of feeling, emotion, pleasure, sensuality, intimacy, and connection.

The energy of this chakra allows you to let go, to move, and to feel change and transformation occurring within your body. It allows you to experience this moment as it is, in its own fullness.

The main challenge for the second chakra is the conditioning of our society. We live in a society where feelings are not valued, where passion, and emotional reactions are being frowned upon. We are being taught not to “loose control”. And we get disconnected from our bodies, our feelings.

The element of this chakra is water. And as I type this, I recall that I had a dream about water last night. In the dream, I looked out over a shallow sea. There were rocks beneath that surface that were visible and the water was crystal clear and still. It reminded me of a surreal scene from the Arctic or some other northern region. I looked across it and beyond and when I did, I recognized that there was emotion there that was ready to be experienced. Yet I did not walk into it. I thought, “I am not ready yet”.

And I am left with questions about why I am so reluctant to feel again; to allow myself pleasure and enjoyment of life. Perhaps it is because with pleasure comes pain? Am I trying to avoid pain by numbing myself of all that life has to offer? This makes sense and it makes me sad. I honestly do not know how to handle this problem. No wonder I felt so defeated when I woke up this morning.

Letting Go

I recognize also that the second chakra is about letting go. Surprise, surprise! The message I get most often is to “let go”. Now I know why I seem to never be able to. There are issues to be cleared here and that is what I/we are doing now. As my guide/Higher Self said to me the other day, “There is no progress without process”.

Let the eagle fly. It can only mean to me that I must release myself, my inner Spirit, from whatever constraints I have created. Let myself soar. Free myself from myself. If only it were that simple.

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To the Moon

With all the excitement of my kundalini experience the other night (12/12/14) I almost forgot all about the OBE I had afterward. I specifically asked to astral. Never did I think I would astral to a place I actually intended to go!

To the Moon

I found myself in becoming more and more lucid from within a dream. I was alone in a room with very high ceilings. The walls were white and a huge screen took up the entire left side of the room. I was floating near the edge, looking over some railings at the room and taking it all in. I concluded that I must be in a theater.

I began to look closer at the screen to my left. In the center was the moon. It took up a large part of the screen and appeared to be 3 dimensional. I could see all of space spread out behind it – stars, galaxies, nebulae – all in vivid color. I was curious. Was it a picture or was it real?

I decided to fly out to it but became a bit concerned. Could I fly? Was this really a dream?

I floated up quickly and headed toward the screen. I then began falling quickly downward, so I grabbed onto the top edge. Then I realized I would not fall and that I was being silly. I let go and floated there right in front of the screen and the humungous moon. I touched the flat surface and the moon suddenly appeared more like a painting than a realistic picture.

At that moment I was certain I was OOB. With that, I felt energy build up within me. I felt like I was going to burst with excitement. I took one last look at the screen and then effortlessly flew into it.

I came out on the other side and found myself in the middle of space. In front of me was the moon, full and glorious. It was vividly white and bright and I could not help but want to fly toward her.

My awareness grew exponentially.  Maybe it was the amount of energy I was feeling or the fact that I had just experienced kundalini, but at that moment I felt powerful.

I felt my Higher Self call me back away from the scene and I immediately was sucked back into my body. I did not take much time to wake up. I obviously had done something wrong, or at least that is what it felt like.

Intention Set and Accomplished

It was not long ago that someone mentioned their OOB trip to the moon in one of the FB groups I am a member of. I recall thinking, “I want to go to the moon!” But I was worried I would freak out because outer space always feels so large and dominating to me. But I set the intention anyway. Why not?

I did not specifically set the intention to go to the moon that particular night, but the intention was set. That is how it works for me, anyway. I do not have to ask for something every night. I just ask once and then usually I eventually get it. I just wish I had actually gotten to the surface of the moon. Unfortunately, I did not specify what I wanted to do except to think, “I want to go to the moon”. And that is what I got.

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Ascension Symptom Update

For the second half of the day I have been feeling nudged to write an update on the symptoms I have been having since my most recent kundalini experience.

  • Vision fluctuations, specifically my left eye feels very obviously dominant over my right
  • Vision “shifts”; vision appears to freeze frame (this happens mostly at night)
  • Tingling and warmth in my feet
  • One clogged nostril, each night the opposite one will be clogged for no apparent reason at around the same time each night
  • Extremely high energy
  • Intermittent buzzing in heart chakra and third eye chakra
  • Interrupted sleep; when I wake up I feel rested and ready for the day even if I have only had a few hours of sleep
  • Change in breathing/breath; I breathe deeper and slower
  • Heart rhythm changes
  • Increased body temperature, especially in the morning
  • Profuse sweating, especially in the morning
  • Attraction to specific smells, ie. patchouli oil, frankincense, and cinnamon

In addition to these symptoms I was asked to examine certain aspects of my life:

  • Physical exercise – change type and frequency
  • Harmful toxins – reduce or eliminate completely
  • Relationships  – examine them using the heart rather than the mind
  • Compassion – develop more for self and others
  • Fear – question fear-based life patterns