I am getting a bit tired of not being tired. 🙂 Again I awoke at 6am when I could have slept another two hours! It is funny how just a year ago I was struggling with horrible insomnia and begging to just be able to sleep through the night and now I am not tired, not caring if I sleep and waking up after a full 7-8 hours wide awake. Perhaps it is the ascension process or maybe the result of letting go of negative life patterns and habits that were causing me stress. Likely a bit of both.

Hovercraft

I was able to return to sleep briefly this morning and as a result I had a very interesting dream. I want to share some of it and my thoughts because it feels significant to me.

In the dream I was with my ex-husband but he shifted between my ex and my current husband. One minute it would be my ex I was talking to and the next it would be my current husband. I spoke to them as if they were the same person, though, which is confusing but did not confuse me at all in the dream.

In my mind, the main person I was interacting with and speaking to was my ex. I remember discussing with him and another male figure our relationship and how he was my “best friend”. I thought about how well we communicated and how simple our relationship was. My ex was not the brightest but he was very loving, thoughtful and sensitive – much more sensitive than I was. He cared about how I felt and if I was sad, depressed or otherwise he went to great lengths to try to make me happy. Our conversations were simple and fun loving – no serious stuff usually. We talked about practical things, usually music, nature, hunting, fishing, camping, the outdoors and my husband’s crazy, exciting job. I listened better back then, I think.

Anyway, in the dream, I was flying in a hover car with my ex husband and I remember seeing the color silver. We moved swiftly and I could see the destination in front of us. Now, when I try to remember where we were going, I can’t and the destination in my memory is merely a horizon painted with pastel colors in an arc surrounding a final point of white light. The feeling was of loneliness and hope mixed with a bit of regret. It is hard to describe.

Considerations

When I awoke, I immediately wondered if my ex is someone much closer to me on the Other Side than I previously thought. The feelings I brought back from the dream were that we were very close and the memories that flooded into my mind of our time together as husband and wife were acutely different than the memories I am currently creating in my present relationship. The differences between the two relationships stood out stark in comparison to one another – black and white in so many ways.

I began to regret that I had met my ex when I did. I lived in so much fear and was so young. I did not know who I was and struggled to define myself, caught up in what I thought I was suppose to be and do based upon what others in my life wanted. I was not yet to the point where I firmly understood what I wanted and where I wanted to go in life. Unfortunately for my ex, I began to see these things and make decisions about what I wanted and it did not go along with our relationship. We grew apart, but I can fully take the blame for it.

I was able to “see” that my ex and I were best friends above all else. We could talk about anything and we understood each other. Even when we split, there was no animosity or anger. We knew it was a necessary evil. We knew it was time to move on. It hurt him more than me, but I think that was his lesson. And now that I have matured and can fully understand, there is a sadness for all that could have been had I not been the person I was back then. He chose to be the way he was this life, as I did, and I have a feeling in future lives we may choose to be close again but maybe not as distant physically.

This is not to say that my ex is more significant to me than my current husband – that is not true at all. I did not have the connection to him that I had the instant I met my current husband. I often wonder about that “love at first sight” reaction I had when I looked in his eyes. Is that simply a trigger implanted there by myself to get me to take a significant path in my life? Or is it “real” and connected to a bond that between us that spans many lives? I have read  (Michael Newton’s Life Between Lives) that triggers are rehearsed by us prior to life and many times they are linked to the eyes so that when we meet someone who we have agreed to learn significant lessons with we “trigger” something inside ourselves. Usually it is a feeling or a knowingness. For me, the instant I saw my husband’s eyes I thought, “He is my angel”. I had also been warned by my guides that I would “meet someone” that day.