Daily Archives: October 9, 2015

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Self-Created Experience?

The earth-shattering experience I had on October 7th continues to shake me to the core. I am still processing it, trying hard to fill in the huge gaps in my memory and seeking answers from my Team of assistants.

Self-Created Experience

There came a moment yesterday when it occurred to me that perhaps what I experienced was self-created; influenced by my current reading material – The Convoluted Universe by Dolores Cannon.

This conclusion is a normal one in my specific circumstances. What I experienced on the 7th was so unreal to me, so beyond bizarre and so out of my perception’s reach that it is no surprise that it has now receded into the depths of my subconscious to the point that it appears nothing more than a very wildly vivid dream. It is so easy now to just shrug my shoulders and say, “It was just a dream. It was not real”, and move on.

And yet there is a part of me that says, “Well all experience is ‘self-created'”.

On the One Hand…

There is a part of me that believes this is what is happening to me:

The group of Beings who surrounded me the night of the 7th, whom I recall very vividly but only as silhouettes in the dark, is a group of E.T.s (for lack of a better word) who have come to “get me” and move me into whatever my next level is. This is a heightening of consciousness, a Remembering, an “Unfolding” as my Companion calls it.

I am emerging from the chrysalis.

When questioning this group, who appeared to me as 12 and whom I acknowledge as being my Council, I asked where they came from. The response I received was, “Sirius”. When I asked how far away they were, I heard 10 au’s (light years).

These beings appear to me in human form when I see them. They are not “alien” in appearance, at least not so alien that I notice. They often appear very bright and so it is difficult to discern what they look like in detail. If I am allowed to see them close up, they often show me their eyes or just aspects of their face. Usually their eyes are very bright blue.

Prior to the consideration that my Council were in fact Beings from another planet, I just thought of them as “guides” or “Spirit”. Really, even with this new E.T. consideration, it has not changed the way they appear to me or how I react to them when I see/sense them. If anything, I am calmer upon their contact with me than I have ever been.

In considering all the information that has come to me in recent weeks, I have partially come to the conclusion that the human race is heading toward the “End of Days” where a great cataclysm will rocket Earth into a New Age, one in which humanity lives in harmony with her. During the time of the great changes there will some kind of E.T. contact experienced. I do not know if this will be wide-spread, meaning that I don’t know if all will be aware of the “contact” being made. I have personally received many messages now that I will be “called”, that I will see “signs” and that I will be taken Home. The signs have been shown to me ever since my awakening in 2003. They are consistent and the warnings, visions, I receive are increasing in frequency.

How I and others like me will be taken Home is unclear at this time. I recently had a dream in which individual pods were lined up and humans walked into them. From inside these pods a great golden light emerged and the body was broken up into millions upon millions of tiny particles of light which ultimately dispersed. To me, this represents a dissolution of the physical form or perhaps a raising of vibration. It may also be some kind of transport system.

On the Other Hand….

And then I think how preposterous all of this sounds. Aliens and the “End of Days” – all of it sounds like something a crazy person would say. I think of the bearded man walking around holding a sign that says, “The end is near”.

I think of how my whole life I have rejected being here and thus rejected fully immersing myself in this life. I want to escape. I would rather be in my own fantasy world which is much more exciting. There I get to go OOB, I get to talk to “other worldly beings”, I get to see into the future, I get to talk to the deceased, I get to see people’s auras, I get to “know” things other people don’t, I get to have Kundalini experiences… The list goes on.

And I think maybe all of this is happening to me because of this desire to escape. I am creating all of it. Making it up so that I can avoid “reality”.

I just really need to suck it up and deal with life.

Which is it?

Right now I am in the stage of thinking that I need to “suck it up” and stop hiding in my fantasy world. Life is passing me by and I need to live it.

Yet there is and always has been a part of me totally and utterly bored with life, with reality. And I have been down this path before. I have rejected my “fantasy” world and gone back to “the real world” to live life like I was suppose to. I was miserable despite trying very hard to be “normal”. Yes, I had some great experiences and great times, but there was always something missing. I always felt lacking.

Maybe that is just the way it is meant to be for me in the life.

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It’s Final

It’s official. My last day of work is October 19th.

While I am relieved to be leaving behind me the parts of my job that were less than ideal, I will miss the parts that I loved. Yet I know that my timing is perfect and I am avoiding more scrutiny, upsets and general angst by leaving now.

Yet my husband appears to be less than accepting of my decision now that I have made it. He announced to me this morning, “I will be leaving my job soon, so you will have to carry the weight until I can get my new business up and running”.

I looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Um, I just put in my resignation. Don’t you think you could have made this announcement when we were talking about me resigning?”

“You can just get another job”, he said.

Then he made a comment completely out of left field, “I don’t want a free-loader in my house. You’ve got to pull your weight”.

What? I was unsure if he was serious but then he came and hugged me warmly, suggesting he was joking, but the statement was enough to bother me just a little bit.

He did say later, “I’m sure you will be pulling your weight”.

Sigh. Men!

What Now?

My husband’s joking is likely concerning to me because I am not sure what is next for me. I made the decision knowing it was the right one, but I wonder, “What now?”

I can’t shake this feeling that there is nothing more to come. My future feels empty when I look into it; a void of nothingness. I don’t have a plan of what I will be doing other than getting my business off the ground. I know that this business will bring in income but other than that I am clueless about what comes next for me.

Interestingly enough, I am okay with this “not knowing” and the feelings that accompany it. Again, I’m not sure why.

Business Update

I am in the final stages of launching my business. The product is in the garage waiting to be sent to the warehouse. All that is left for me to do is get good product images taken and set up the site for selling.

Yes, I am doing online sales, which is way out of my comfort zone and something I would not normally even venture. Yet it was one of those opportunities that came out of the blue after I put out to the universe what I wanted for myself and my family. Though my motivation in this endeavor has waxed and waned frequently, there remains one constant: I know it will be successful.

I suspect the delay of my business launch was due in part to timing. I can only guess why the delay was needed. I suspect Mercury retrograde was part of it. Mercury goes direct today, allowing for movement forward when before movement was retarded or even regressed. It just so happens that the photography for my product is scheduled for tomorrow. Movement is already occurring.