OBE: After the Flood

When I first became lucid I was in the kitchen of my childhood home. A man who I thought of as my “husband” was tiling the counter tops and I watched thinking it odd that the tiles were staying in place because there was no support underneath, only a wood frame. At some point I embraced this man, who did not look like my husband even though that is what I thought he was. When we embraced my chakras lit up intensely, especially my second chakra. This woke me up in my dream and temporarily in my body. I then went OOB again.

I became aware of being in a desert landscape. I knew somehow that I had gone to a time on Earth after the great flood. Animals of all types had been rescued and then redeposited on Earth. I saw a lion and decided to become a lion. I was then looking through his eyes, which was a pretty amazing feeling as you can imagine!  I saw a tree and decided to climb it. I remember seeing myself as an African lion and being confused because I knew I was in the southwestern US – Yuma specifically, and the only lions there are cougars. So I became a cougar and climbed up into the tree. 

As I traveled as this lion I knew there was a large river that ran through the area (it is not currently there). The river had all kinds of creatures that don’t exist now – enormous crocodiles, mermaids and mermen, and other creatures I don’t have names for. Across the river was a massive, golden bridge. I remember knowing all this and seeing it in my mind like a memory. I then became aware that I was standing on a cliff over a magnificent, crystal blue river with calm waters. I jumped in and felt myself under the water and had to remind myself to breathe and that I was OOB.

While under the water, information flooded through me about this time on Earth that I had visited. It was a time when the Earth was starting over and was given a second chance. I became acutely aware that there was a baby boy that needed to be protected. In my memory I kept calling him Sananda. I saw him similar to the baby Jesus – swaddled in white blankets inside a tiny crib. But instead of a baby he was a golden ball of energy that was so beautiful and radiant that all I wanted to do was keep him safe.

Then I was downstairs in my own home very aware of being OOB. I went outside and my vision began to black out. It was like I was afraid of what I would find. I turned toward the house and my vision turned on. I saw that our neighbor had a pool (he doesn’t in real life). I flew over the fence, worried for a moment that I would be sucked into the sky, and hovered over the pool. It’s water was clear with some leaves floating in it. I then noticed another pool in another neighbor’s yard that isn’t there in real life either. This one was also crystal blue and its light was on which made it look more like a crystal than a pool. I briefly wondered, “Why so many pools?”

I decided to fly into my neighbor’s house and saw a large, white dog below me. He barked and came at me. I reached down toward him and he snapped at me. I flew thought the glass doors into the house and the dog followed me barking the whole time. We both just went right through the glass! I put my hand in the dog’s mouth as if I were playing with him and he kept barking at me. But I knew I had nothing to fear.

Then I was back outside floating in the darkness of my back yard. I suddenly became very confused. I didn’t know who I was or what day it was or anything! I struggled to remember and finally recalled it was Saturday and who I was. This is when I woke up.

Let it All Out

It has been a very difficult past few days. It was so difficult for me that I decided yesterday never to write in my blog again. I just couldn’t, for so many reasons. Then this morning I awoke feeling a bit better, though not completely.

My main reason for not writing is because I feel I cannot share some things on here that are crucial components to what is going on with me. They are deeply personal and not just mine. To share them would be a like a type of betrayal, but even this is hard to for me  to understand and I struggle with understanding it myself. I feel it is not beneficial to me or anyone else to share these parts of my journey because I do not understand them and I am not sure I will ever fully understand them. Yet it is so much a part of what is happening to me now that I feel unable to proceed without including it. It is a puzzle piece that, if left out, would make my story incomplete and meaningless.

Yet even as I write this I cannot, will not share it with you all. I am sorry. I just can’t. This is why I am reluctant to write in my blog now, for what do I write now if I cannot write about all of mySelf and my experiences? Anything I write would be totally lacking and incomplete.

The whole purpose of this blog is to help others on the same journey; to assist them by sharing with them my own journey so they know they are not alone and maybe get some comfort from that. Yet, at this point, I feel unable to share fully my own journey. There is just so much tied up in it that I can’t make sense of and I worry about the potential far-reaching effects.

What I Will Share

I will share with you what I have been going through the last few days, but because of the personal nature and backstory that I don’t feel can be shared, it may leave you with many questions. I know it leaves me with questions and I know the whole story!

On the morning of the 21st I lost my heart connection. Actually, I felt to have lost all connection. There came with this loss a feeling of dread, like something was there that I didn’t want to look at or confront but had to. I avoided it but it threw me into disarray for the rest of the day.

That evening I blew up on my husband for no reason. It shocked him enough to keep the kids away and let me be. I retreated to a hot bath and cried and cried and cried. It was like my entire soul was just pouring out through my eyes. Afterward I was so completely exhausted that I went to bed at 8pm.

I had dreams of going through levels of rainbows of color. There were five levels and each one poured over me. I don’t recall much else but I feel I received intense healing and adjustment. When I woke at 3am I was beside myself with grief again. I must have relaxed at some point because I was awakened by a huge amount of energy moving up from my legs and enveloping me in a warm energy hug that made me want to fall asleep. I heard, “We are with you” right before I fell back to sleep.

I ended up having an in-depth OBE for the next two to three hours. At the end of the OBE I forgot who I was and it sent me into a panic trying to figure it out. This is what ultimately woke me.

When I awoke I still felt horrible. The main feeling I could contact was that I had gotten a chance to experience Home and it had been pulled out from under me. Why would I get such a wonderful experience only to have it taken from me? Why would I do that to myself? What was I thinking!?

I spent the entire day on and off crying. The next day was the same except that I was outside in the sun every chance I could get. I would go from a calm, quiet to an overflowing of emotion and then back again. It was exhausting and not normal for me. I have never felt such intense grief in my life.

At one point while laying in the sun, my guide said to me:

“I understand your sorrow, I understand your pain….”

I knew the rest of it for it was a song I had written in 2002 called Beauty in the Dark. I finished the verse of the song in my head and burst out crying again.

I understand your sorrow, I understand your pain.

I want to see you smile, I want to hold your hand.

And although this place is colder and darker than where we’ve been,

I’ll take you somewhere warmer, be your light in the dark.

This morning I am better but just writing this makes me want to cry all over again. I am emotionally raw. Every emotion is so much more intense than I remember it to be and I cannot seem to contain the emotion. It just pours out of me. And I am missing my connection so very badly. I hear my guides and Team, I sense them and I still get their energy hugs but I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life. I feel like I just got here and the place I came from is so very close yet so far away at the same time.

Time to Live

This morning I knew that it was time to sort things out in my life. I don’t want to. I dread it but at the same time I could not stop myself from thinking of the things that need to be done. That is what my focus is on right now, though I am not happy about it.

I woke with this song in my head: