I just wanted you all to know where I’m at as it likely will keep me away from blogging for a little bit.

Whatever has happened to me has me completely out of whack. I am going to share some of what I wrote down at midnight last night when I couldn’t sleep because using my mind right now shifts me into a place I cannot function from.

11:54pm 2/19/2016

I can’t sleep. I am conscious of a feeling. It is causing me to want to run away from everything; to just up and go. But I don’t know where to. I feel frantic. What am I suppose to do? How do I escape this feeling? I am told to listen; to look at what is in my heart, but what I find confuses me. It says, “LIVE, be LOVE, embrace LOVE. You are ALIVE. BE ALIVE.” But what does that mean? I have no idea how to LIVE. Yeah. Pathetic. My heart is telling me to break away – to not be afraid of myself, of what I am feeling. I can’t think with this!

My heart just resonates with this connection, this Divine feeling of utter completeness. It is so full and deep and beautiful. But when I look at my life it is none of these things! My life, this life I am living, feels unnatural to me. I don’t feel like I belong in it. WTF?  I feel on the brink of something big but I just can’t get myself to take that step forward. If feels so familiar. Even now I am just avoiding, circling the unavoidable. It is so terrifying to even look. This is where I contact the intense desire to RUN. But there is nowhere to run to. The only true escape (if any) is death. Not an option.

All I know and feel right now, all.the.time, is that which I contacted in my dream. This shifted my very core. There is no going back. There is only FORWARD.

This is only a small piece of what I wrote down. I had to get it out somehow because it was keeping me from sleeping and I was (still am) so very exhausted.

My entire guidance/Team is different; my focal point obliterated.