Monthly Archives: May 2025

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Cabin Updates Continued – Garage Addition

Just some more progress pics from January to the present. The cabin now has skirting all the way around. The blog post featured image shows the skirting.

These are pics of the foundation and walls going up. While the house is pier and beam, the garage addition is a concrete slab. It is a single car, extra long garage (15×25) with an additional 14×14 room that has a 5×8 3/4 bathroom. I also added a sidewalk and curved driveway. The 15×15 shed also got a new foundation (not pictured). Once the garage is complete, the shed will get its makeover.

The siding and roof was recently completed. The roof and siding match the house. This weekend I helped my ex do the plumbing. I dug the trenches in the pic. Talk about hard work! Though there aren’t any big rocks, the clay soil was wet from the recent rains and kept sticking to the shovel. It was a workout for sure! This week the spray insulation goes in. It won’t be long until this project is complete.

Here are some pics of the pond and how it looks in the Spring. We’ve had a lot of rain so the water level is really high right now. The cattails have all come back after dying back in the winter and the prairie grasses have grown tall. The big bass in the pic was caught by my youngest last weekend. It is the biggest he’s ever caught so he was pretty excited. I estimate it was around 3lbs. It was released safely back into the pond.

I’ll try to keep the updates coming.

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New Type of Vision?

While at the cabin this weekend (Saturday night), I couldn’t sleep. After much time tossing and turning, eyes closed, trying to settle into sleep, I lay flat on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Superimposed over my vision I saw a small, black, snake slithering its way up my line of sight. Its tail was on fire, threatening to consume it. The fire actually looked like a lit fuse. Surprised, I blinked and then rolled over, shutting my eyes, trying to forget it.

Then, last night (Sunday night), there was another such vision. I had just crawled into bed, dead tired from lack of sleep the night before, and again my eyes were open. I saw the room, but superimposed over the top of it was a woman looking down at me, as if peering into the water at her own reflection. I could see her face, her wide eyes, her shoulders and even her fingers as they grasped the side of an invisible container, a container I was in! She was outlined in a ghostly, bluish white light, and all her features glowed with the light. There was no other color to her but that. That one gave me a little scare and I closed my eyes. When I reopened them, she was gone.

These come months after seeing an “apparition” swirling above me in bed while I was staying at my new cabin. And just recently the “UFO” lights I previously wrote about (last weekend).

So far I am not overly bothered by any of it except that it can cause further delay to sleep, which I dislike. It would probably be scary if there was some kind of communication with these visions, but so far there has been none. Hours prior to seeing the snake, however, I did hear someone whisper my name and say, “I’m so, so sorry.”

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1-8 Channel: The Empty Shell of Melancholy

This is an in-your-face post about the 1-8 Channel of Melancholy in HD. This is my ONLY defined channel and, to make it that much more painful, it is half aware and half not.

I’ve researched and read as much as anyone can about HD to somehow try and figure out why I am the way I am. Pretty much everything I read makes the components of my design – Projector, Self-Projected, 1-8 Channel, wide-open design – all nice and pretty. I have not found even one post or article where the writer has said, “This design is the most difficult one to have. You really must have wanted a challenge when you selected it. Good luck! You’ll need it!”.

Your “special”. Your design is very “specific”. This is what the analyst said to me during my reading. Ha! She was trying to be nice but I could hear in her voice that she knew that my design was a curse. I could tell she was grateful that she did not have my design.

For those who may have forgotten, here is my bodygraph:

It may not seem that open, but just wait until you separate it into conscious and unconscious channels:

Personality = conscious. Design = unconscious. The two parts of myself do not know about the other. My only defined channel, the 1-8, is ONLY defined when the two parts come together. Our defined channels are what creates who we are. I only have one channel, one component that defines who I am, and I am half aware of it. Just ONE. That is it. The rest of me is open, but I prefer to say “empty” because that is how I feel. It makes perfect sense now why I have always felt this nothingness inside because – LOOK at my bodygraph – I AM EMPTY!

Below is what I wrote in my personal journal this morning. I am not really even sure why I was thinking about HD as it has not been on my mind. The truth is a hard pill to swallow (sayeth my guides).

I woke up thinking about my HD and how open I am. The only way I am going to ever feel complete, without this “void” within, is to do the one thing I do not want to do – interact with others. Why? Because my design IS a void! All I am is openness which translates to feeling this empty, void inside all.the.time. It is my reality. I know nothing else. I have no direction, no motivation, no nothing except long periods of not-Knowing and small, fleeting moments of sudden Knowing. Yet I desire to be alone and when I am around others I usually want to getaway from them very quickly. But the minute I get alone all I feel is empty, nothingness.

I have this deep desire to connect to a certain energy that “tastes” right to me. So I am always searching it out, but rarely find it. When I contact someone, I know straight away if their energy is correct for me. It is almost never correct. Yet, when I do find someone that is correct for me and interact wit them, perhaps getting into a relationship with them (friend, romance, etc), they tend to grab onto me until, at some point, I can’t take it anymore and am desperate to get away from them. 

It’s a curse and it further proves that I, for some reason, desired to challenge (punish) myself this life. It is clear there will never be a time when I am not empty inside. That is who I am: empty. Just look at my HD bodygraph! Look how empty I am!

I also woke upset that those romantic connections that truly “tasted” correct all turned their backs on me in the end. One in particular had a very nicely defined HD bodygraph. It is okay. His design makes him full inside (very defined compared to me). He has no need for me, “this empty shell of melancholy who very seldom Knows anything of value for very long” (in quotes because I’ve decided this sums up who I am very nicely).

I find it funny that when I got my HD reading the analyst decided to use the word “special” to describe my very specific design. Ha! She was trying to be nice, to make the curse seem like a blessing. No way is this a blessing! I’m empty inside. I have no drive or purpose that is inherent in my design. I’m never going to fit in (Projector). I’m sad all the time. Who wants to be around someone like that? I don’t even want to be around me! 

The thing that is really upsetting is that the ONLY way I am going to feel somewhat alive is to be in contact with others. If I remain alone, the only thing I will feel is empty. If I want to stay away from others and their tendency to make a slave out of me and not see me (which is 95% of them) then I have to be okay with feeling empty, nothingness all the time. Apparently, the nothingness inside, which is composed of that (beautiful?) melancholic feeling I’ve come to hate so, is the one and only way for me to find my (supposed) creative genius that leads to those limited “ah-ha” moments of Knowing. When I am in that Knowing I feel successful, powerful….ALIVE. Sigh. But it never lasts. Never. And really the only thing I desire in life is for that feeling to last. Is that too much to ask? 

The curse is that I need others but also need to be alone at the same time. I am a walking conundrum.

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UFO?

Stayed at the cabin alone two nights ago. That night I struggled to sleep, though. Around midnight something caused me to open my eyes. I saw a light near the top of the left side of the room. It reminded me of car headlights passing by. The light showed the pattern of the upper windows. Surprised and not knowing what would cause such a bright light up high, I thought perhaps someone was outside with a flashlight. The light went away only to come back again moments later. This got me up and out of bed. By the time I stood up though, the light was gone. I ran to the window to check. No one was there. I looked in the front of the house and out of all the windows. Nothing. Just a quiet night.

I was so unsettled I couldn’t sleep, worrying there were people driving on my land or worse. The light being so up high didn’t match any logical scenario that played through my head. The only thing that made sense was that some aircraft was hovering above the house and flashed a spotlight down at the house which went through the top windows of the bedroom.

Was it a drone? A UFO? I will likely never know.