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Roberto and Tina

I awoke in the morning feeling very cold. I turned over to lay on my back and had a strong thought: “Get the blanket”. With the thought came a visual of the baby blanket laying in the crib nearby. In the vision I got the blanket and put it over myself for more warmth. It was so cold I thought back, “It’s too cold” and snuggled up under the covers. The thought kept coming, “Get it”. After a few times, I finally gave in to it and retrieved the blanket and put it over me. I fell back to sleep very quickly after that.

Lucid Dream

I soon found myself in my mother’s house, a familiar astral environment of mine. I was not fully aware, but I was somewhat lucid in that I recognized I should not be there and something was not quite right. My mind was a buzz with thought; conversations with myself dominating. I was upset about the book I just finished reading: Doing Time on Earth by Catherine Berger. Specifically, I was upset about the parts of the book where she remembers being on the Other Side. What bothered me most was that she felt no emotional connection to her sister when they met in the afterlife. She had loved her very much in life but was practically repelled by her sister in the afterlife and tried to avoid her. I also was upset by the fact that she allowed her Higher Self to do all the next life planning. She almost seemed completely naive and happily ignorant of anything more than her self-created illusion of Heaven. These two aspects of Berger’s description of the Other Side had gone with me into my sleep and I was certain that I was likely just as naive and ignorant as Berger was between lives. I compared myself and what I have remembered of my past lives to her accounts and found myself horribly lacking. It upset me because I had begun to think myself more advanced than most people. I know this is an Ego issue more than anything but at the time of the dream I was not considering that Ego was even a part of how I was feeling. It just seemed pointless to struggle through life after life, slowly and painfully making “progress”. It was unfair!

As I was thinking of these things, I was acting out a dream with other players. They were familiar to me but not people I know in this life. I spent a lot of time in the living room and the bedroom. In the living area I spoke with a man who was very attractive and I felt drawn to him. I thought of him as my step-brother. He was discussing a “plan” and I wanted to be a part of it. In the dream it was about bodybuilding but the objects I was seeing looked more like 3D computer code, cut out in various colors and set upon a board. I recall feeling a bit split during the dream. There was the me that was dreaming and the me that was talking to herself, mulling over her considerations about life after death.

At one point, I entered the bathroom to put in my contact lenses. I had a plan: I was going to get the attention of the man but I needed to get ready and put in my contacts. The bathroom was a mess. It looked like someone had emptied out all the lower cabinets. One side was full of makeup and I remember thinking it was my younger sister’s stuff. I looked through it curiously and then lost interest. The other side was full of toys – action figures and magnetic toys that a young boy would play with. I looked for my contact lens case within the mess of toys and found it. I opened one side and smoothly extracted the lens and popped it into my eye. I could see clearer in that eye and, satisfied, went to put in the other lens. When I opened that side of the case, the left side, I found a large, tan, gauze bandage. It was perfectly square. I brought it up to my eye before I noticed what it was and stopped and looked at it. “I can’t put this in my eye! Someone has taken my contact lens!”, I thought to myself. I immediately thought it must have been my younger brother.

The dream seemed to become hazy and shifty at this point and I found myself going across the road to my neighbor’s house. I was uncertain why I was there at first. I saw a African America woman walking in her garage. The garage door was open and she was inspecting a large, black piece of machinery. I approached her saying to her, “You’re my neighbor!” I looked closely at her, noting her short stature, short, relaxed, black hair and smooth skin. I knew she was about 50ish and I remembered seeing her and her husband in their garage often. I had waved at her just a couple of days ago. She looked at me and smiled. “Yes! Hello!” then thought for a moment and said, “Are you interested in buying our treadmill? We are about the same age and I think you would like it”. I looked at it and noted it was a Nordic Track. It was in good condition. I also thought it odd that she thought we were the same age.

The lady went over to another black metal piece and said, “This is part of it. It makes it incline”. I told her, “Yes. It is a good treadmill. I have heard good things about Nordic Track”. She showed me how the incline worked saying, “If you want it, you should get it now. Some people are coming to look at it soon.” I said, “I would buy it if I didn’t already have one. Mine is a ProForm and over 10 years old but works really good”. I then looked down at the floor of the garage and saw that it was covered in wood, laminate flooring. I remarked about this, thinking it odd and out of place, but the lady did not respond.

This conversation was very real to me and I felt very much like I had somehow walked over to this woman’s house but could not remember how I got there. It was also daytime and the weather was nice with a bright, almost cloudless sky. The scene seemed off to me and something about it told me I was dreaming. What was weird is that the conversation I had with this neighbor was all very easy to recall and the information, at least mine, was accurate. Also, my neighbor really did look like this lady and I now wonder if she is really selling a treadmill.

It was at this point that I began to gain lucidity. It was gradual but as I left my neighbor’s house I went back towards my own house and then popped quickly into a house I was not familiar with. I decided to fly and immediately found myself flying and very much enjoying the feeling. The house I was in was large and Spanish looking. I saw a woman and two girls in the kitchen. They were very obviously of Spanish origin. I remember thinking, “Why is everyone Hispanic?” I flew through the living area which had a very golden light to it. It had ornate wooden trim and very nice furnishings. Whoever lived here was well off.

I flew under the arches of the kitchen and the two girls saw me. They appeared to be twins, both wearing white smocks. The mother had her back to me.

I left them in the kitchen, fully knowing I was dreaming and happily exploring the area. I had an inkling I was not myself so looked for a mirror. I wanted to see who I was.

I located an ornate mirror with gold embellishments. I went up to it and instantly saw myself. I was much shorter than I thought myself to be and as I looked at my face, it shifted and turned a more tan color than is my original coloring. My hair was golden and cut short like it is in waking life but it also shifted and turned a darker shade, though remained golden. I tried to focus on the face but it kept shifting. I then smiled and said, “I am Tina!”

I turned, suddenly filled with elation at knowing who I was and where I was. I had transported to another life and I was happy to explore and reunite with my family.

I flew outside to a courtyard and saw many people milling about. It was a bright and sunny day and the scene reminded me of something out of a Spanish or Mexican painting with all kinds of oranges and browns mixed with bright reds and yellows. The Mexican feel was strong and as I saw it I grew ever more pleased. I flew high up in the air and looked down. I swear I yelled down at the people but I don’t know what I said. They looked up at me, smiling. There were at least 10 or 12 or them, maybe more. All dressed in Mexican clothing that was woven with bright colors.

I asked the crowd, “Where’s my brother?” A woman pointed toward a corner section. I wanted to see him and so headed that direction. When I got to him, he appeared to be in bed, covered with blankets and sleeping. I don’t know why I didn’t see that a bed in the middle of a courtyard was out of place. I didn’t seem to care. I was more interested in finding this man. He peeked his face out of the blankets and when I saw him I was filled with glee. I went towards him and my vision blacked out.

OBE: Roberto and Tina

I felt the familiar energy of being OOB and knew I was near my physical body. I set the intention to return and did almost immediately.

I found myself back inside the Spanish style house. I flew into the kitchen and accidentally bumped into a mother and child who were drying dishes. They exclaimed when I did and I quickly apologized. I remember being surprised that they responded to me and could see me.

I went into a bedroom and there were two girls watching TV covered up in white bedding. These were the same two girls I saw previously wearing white smocks. I knew they were my sisters. I asked, “Where is Roberto?” They pointed to another bed in the corner.

I went up to the bed and saw a man was laying in it. I knew this was my brother and I knew we were in love. I was happy and knew I wanted to be with him. I said, “Roberto!” and he popped his head out of the covers and smiled at me.

Roberto was light skinned with very black hair. It was shoulder length and thick. He smiled when he saw me and I took his hand. He floated out of the bed and I let him grab onto me from behind, piggy back style. I was aware that his thighs were uncovered and very smooth and feminine looking. My intent was to make love to him. I hadn’t seen him in a long time! There was a part of me thinking, “He’s my brother. That is wrong” but another part was thinking, “It doesn’t matter!”

Roberto was happy to see me and I knew we had a history together. I remember thinking to myself, “I need to remember this. I need to remember his name and my name”. So I thought about the names, spelling them in my head multiple times. I also knew I was saying my name wrong. I was saying “Tina” like in America but it was suppose to have a “ny” sound. I said it to myself that way and laughed. It was nice to be reunited with him!

In the kitchen I put him down and turned toward him. He was unclothed and appeared very feminine looking, but I did not care. I fell into him and we began to make love on the table. What is odd is that while this was happening, I felt myself on the other side of the room, talking to him and watching as we made love. I then saw that I was cuddling a small, hairless kitten or cat and talking with Roberto, not making love to him. Yet I could feel my root chakra very activated. It was like I was in two places and really weird. It all felt very scandalous but something in me knew it didn’t matter what we did – it was all an illusion anyway.

I came back to my body then and felt very relaxed and calm. Yet I was also very unhappy, still thinking about the book and the author’s experience of the Other Side. Again I began to consider how very pointless all the relationships I had in this life would appear once I died. It bothered me that I could end up not feeling the same for them once I left this body. I concluded that I had returned to a past life situation and played out something that normally would have been “wrong” and “taboo”. I did so without guilt because I knew the taboo was an illusion and the wrongness of it was relative.

Factors Influencing Projection

I decided I am going to start recording certain information along with my OBEs and lucid dreams so that I can determine if there are any factors that may be affecting my projections.

Time of going to bed: 10pm
Time of waking up: 6:30am

Meditation: none.
Physical Exercise: none.
Mood: disinterested, depressed
Body: normal, no pain
Level of tiredness: moderate
Number of night wakings: 2

Projection techniques used: none

Sleeping position(s): on side, on back (projected when laying on my back)

Food and drink (not norml): ate out for lunch – Fish Tacos.
Dietary supplements taken (if any): Natural Calm, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Benadryl 25mg, Calcium 500mg, Vitamin D 1000mg, Vitex 150mg, DonQuai 150mg

Lucidity on a scale of 1-10 (1 being lowest level and 10 being hyper lucid awareness (more real than real)): 7

 

by

Ego Child

This morning my husband told me that he has been having waves of depression hit him out of the blue at odd times of the day. He said he had one hit him in the middle of the night and that the feeling is so horribly heavy that he struggles to not be overcome by it. He then attributed the strange mood swings to his sugar intake. I stopped him there and told him it is unlikely that sugar is the cause of these intense, unusual bouts of unexplainable depression. I asked him if he had considered that it was happening to everyone and widespread all over the world. He said, “You mean it is coming from the 4th dynamic? I hadn’t thought of that.” Then he paused and said, “That makes a lot of sense”. (The 4th dynamic is mankind).

I then explained to him how long I had been perceiving it and how it affects everyone differently. I told him that those who have not taken responsibility for their own life and issues and cleared them out would be struggling with past life and current life issues related to themselves and their family. However, those who have cleared most of that out would then be struggling with issues related to the world and mankind. So, in essence, his depression may be that he is connecting to greater world issues rather than something within himself that needs to be cleared. Though, of course, his own issues are and those of mankind are reciprocal. They are interconnected and so his depression is likely linked to his own issues related to how he is connected and responsible for mankind’s actions.

After our conversation I began to think about my OBE with the man who I identified as my father. As I have digested the experience, I feel that the healing that occurred by my sending love to this man was more directed toward allowing this man to heal and move on. Yes, the healing was also my own but is reciprocal. He heals as much as I heal. I have had this realization before as I recognized that even though one person may feel they have recovered from a damaging relationship, they are not truly free until all participants have also healed and recovered. Since we are all One, we are all connected in every aspect of our spiritual development, positive and negative.

I am certain now that this past father figure of mine has been carrying with him the guilt and pain of his many wrongs in the life we had together. Our relationship was one that started with love and turned into confusion, pain, misunderstanding and misappropriated emotion. The love he had for me contorted and became disfigured until he could not differentiate between right and wrong and so betrayed his own morals and beliefs while alienating and losing a beloved relationship with his daughter. In his subsequent lives he has carried with him the burden from that life. Currently he may not understand why he feels and does certain things. He may be haunted by a guilt he does not understand. He may be fearful of his current relationship with his daughter(s) and not know why. The extent of his pain is not fully known to my conscious Self but I do know there was relief in his eyes and acceptance of my forgiveness of him. Perhaps this will allow him to break free of the constraints of guilt and fear that have overshadowed his present life. Perhaps in his release I will also be released and my distrust of men, father and husband alike, will begin to dissolve, revealing a truth I have yet to see.

From 12 to 10 to 4

Last night as I prepared for bed, I noticed that the room felt very empty. I felt alone. Upon further investigation, I recognized that I had lost the 10 in Spirit who have been hovering around me since a day after I first noticed there were 12. I was back down to my typical “4”, and so it felt to me as if the room had emptied. Thus, I felt strangely “alone”.

With the exit of my council and the return to “normalcy”, I wondered if the man I was going to meet was the father I met in my OBE. It definitely could be that he was. My guide would neither confirm nor deny this and so I let it be. I no longer have the energy to contemplate it. I have accepted that I will just have to “wait and see”.

Perception

I have continued to sleep deeply and last night was no exception. I woke with an odd feeling that all the negative feelings – anxiety, worry, unhappiness – in my life was “someone else’s fault”. The feeling was very wrong to me and I did not like it. There was also an element of “unfairness” that lingered. Why was it that some people always seem happy while I do not? I recognized that a part of me felt that happiness was deserved and so if someone had happiness who did not “deserve” it, then an injustice had been done. The resentment I felt form this caused me to become unhappy, as if trying to compensate for the wrongness of the situation.

I did not contemplate this for long, but attributed it to the odd dreams I had about my family relationships, specifically my relationship with my sister. I now recognize that these dreams are the “work” that I am doing at a higher level and eventually the rewards of that work will trickle down and integrate with my present Earth consciousness. It does me little good at this stage to over analyze my dreams and OBEs. To do so would be like forcing a square peg into a round hole. If I my Earth consciousness cannot yet assimilate such information, what good does it do to try to force it? The end result is more of the same – loss after loss, disappointment after disappointment. I must have faith that the “me” at higher levels is advancing and that when the time is right and my Earth consciousness is prepped, prepared and attuned to the process, everything will settle and integrate. In the end, there will be a wholeness, though it may be barely perceivable at first.

The Ego Child

As I began to understand the integration process, I became completely disinterested in the things which I have been interested in of late. Specifically, sharing my OBEs and considerations with others. I do this for many reasons, one of which is to have my experiences validated by others. Although I do not want to admit, I seek agreement from others that my experiences are “real”. A part of me also wants to brag about them and has a strong desire to be praised by others for my “uniqueness”. I often have struggled with this part of myself. The Ego often wishes to be praised and seeks attention for being unique and “special”. My guide is understanding of this, however, and reminds me that it is “normal” and not to rejectthe feeling but instead accept it, taking care to balance it with understanding, love and patience. He explains to me that the Ego is to be treated like a child. It should be nurtured and loved. It has to learn much like a child does and it is my job (the Higher Self) to teach it by allowing it to stumble and fall as much as is needed in order for it to learn, all along offering support, unconditional love, and encouragement in whatever way is best received by the Ego child.

It is at this juncture that I recognize the purposefulness in my accepting the role of the Ego child via life in a body. It is possible to me now that I am indeed split into different parts, each with varying levels of consciousness. I am choosing now to be the Earth consciousness. I do this via the human body and experience things “anew” with a strong need to individuate myself from the whole. I seek to experience life via my own lens. This lens is colored with experience. All the while, there is a “me” I am not aware of that is watching, teaching and guiding the other “me” along their individual path. I am also aware that there are likely others of “me” as well. It also is very clear to me that this identification with the Earth consciousness via my Ego child in this body is a distinct choice every part of “me” made, as a whole. Once I am done with this human experience I will return and all aspects of “me” will be united as one again. And “we” will likely again choose the human experience as one of the many experiences available and the process will be repeated.

There is then the question of why I gave myself access to “myself” while in this life. I know this is not the first time I have done this, but it seems to me as if I am “cheating”. I am told this was purposeful and the plan is to continue this patterns until the Ego child is fully integrated. Once that occurs, the Earth consciousness via the Ego child will be transformed. It is not clear what comes next, but it is certain it will not be a path like any I have tread before.

by

See No Evil

I was awakened to shrill screaming. After tending to my baby and unfortunately arguing with my husband about the “cry-it-out-method” which I believe is horribly mean at such a young age, I got back into bed. I was unsettled and angry for a bit and certain I would not fall asleep. Fortunately, I did.

White SUV

I found myself in a dream with my husband. We were both getting part-time jobs at a taco joint. I was doing it because I felt I had no choice. I don’t know why he was doing it.

My husband was training and I went to help the others get the food ready for the day. I remember thinking about how I did not want to return to such a job as memories of my past part-time employment at various food establishments resurfaced. It did not disgust me but I was completely disinterested.

I went outside and found myself in front of my old middle school. It was pick-up time and there were cars everywhere. I went to my SUV and moved it, parking it farther from the school, then called my husband to tell him where I was. I got inside and someone had sprayed water all over it and short circuited the Bluetooth. I got upset and drove to a new parking place, but parked crooked. The people in the next parking space began to speak harshly to me about how I parked, demanding I move my SUV. I was not nice back and noticed they were Iranian or something and remember thinking how out of place that was.

I moved my SUV by actually pushing it with my body. I turned to yell at them, telling them I could not park right because I was avoiding hitting people. They yelled back and pointed. I turned and saw my SUV had rolled into a utility poll and was damaged. I laughed at it, completely unconcerned. I also saw that it was a vibrant white, which is not the real color of my SUV.

Baby Boy

Seeing my SUV the wrong color must have caused my awareness to peak and I found myself experiencing the sensation of exiting my body. The room I came into was dark and I immediately noticed it. The first thing I did was launch myself into the air and yell out, “I want to see light!” As I did this, I remembered I should sing, so I started singing the phrase as I flew.

I soared up higher and higher and began to notice my surroundings. I do not remember it becoming “light” but I could see clearly, though not as vividly as I would have liked. I was in a house and it had high ceilings. I was on the second floor and flying through towards a room. I went inside and saw an oval bathtub full of bubbly water and toys. I do recall this room was brighter than the other one with a golden hue. I came closer to the tub and began thinking of my baby and knew/thought, “Thinking of him will bring me joy and make the light come”. As I thought this, I looked down and saw him in the water, smiling and floating sideways. I leaned in and picked him up, watching the water go over his face and saying/thinking, “You are okay”. There was a complete understanding that he did not want to drown, so he wouldn’t. I picked him up and held him close, enjoying the moment. I clearly remember seeing him smiling and reliving the feeling of closeness and motherhood.

Control is an Illusion

I felt myself floating back over my body. I settled in the familiar energy and then willed myself back. I wanted to return and see what was next.

I soon opened my eyes back in the house. I was on the second floor and vision was not an issue, though the lights still seemed low and my vision not as clear as I would like. I went to a half wall that overlooked the first floor and looked over. I climbed on top and stared down. Suddenly I was filled with apprehension that came with considering jumping over the edge. I then looked to my right and saw both my boys next to the half wall. I grabbed my baby’s hand and said to him, “Jump! You won’t fall!” and took the plunge. I plummeted towards the floor, briefly worrying I had been wrong, but I stopped short of the bottom and lightly bounced upward as if I had hit a trampoline.

At this point it was as if the projection/experience stopped completely or at least paused. I heard the voice of my guide to my left and behind me. I could not see him and his voice was like my own thought, but separate. I had been thinking about how I worried I would lose my children; how they could die so easily if I did not protect them. I was afraid for them and concerned. His thought to me was, “That is what makes his life exciting”. With these words came a complete understanding that my control over his life, over his safety, health and happiness, was a complete illusion. His life was his and mine was mine. I had no control over whether he lived or died. That control was totally his.This realization did not upset me in the least, instead I accepted it joyfully and I felt an energy within me release. If I had seen it, it would have been an explosion from my solar plexus.

I felt very accomplished, as if I had overcome a huge challenge. Feeling overjoyed, I flew up to the second wall, grabbing my oldest child’s hand and taking him with me.

We soared upward and my vision blacked out.

I Love You

I returned to my body, hovering there briefly. My hand was numb, so I had to move it, breaking the energy flow briefly. I did not worry that I could not return. Instead, I mulled over what had happened in my two OBEs, recognizing lessons were being learned and that it was purposeful. I was in “class”, but not like ever before.

I closed my eyes and went OOB without even thinking about it.

When I opened my eyes I was again on the second floor of the house (I think), but in front of me was a man. He was standing quite a distance away and seemed to be asleep with his eyes open, like I often see people I encounter in astral. He had dark brown hair that was short and thinning and round features. He looked vaguely familiar, but I could not place him. Though I do not remember having consciously intended anything, I knew immediately my intent towards this man. I even knew he was my father and knew his name, though it evades me now. I walked towards him with such courage, but my heart was suddenly overwrought with emotion, rejection, and pain, as if this man had done me great harm in life. I put out my hand, knowing I needed to love him and to accept that I did love him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to hold my hand out towards him, palm facing him with the intent to heal. In my memory of it, it is painfully slow and torturous, the emotion so strong and painful that I began to well up with emotion, my heart center burning inside my chest.

When I got to him, I placed my hand right over his heart and tried with great difficulty to speak. I finally pushed the words out and said, “I love you”. When I said the words, the energy in my heart was exploding, it was not pleasant, but it was not painful either. It was just releasing old, stale, negative emotion. I felt the love energy rush through my arm and into my hand, right into the man’s heart. When this happened he suddenly became aware and looked directly at me. He seemed to recognize me and smiled a smile that said, “Thank you, I know this is hard for you”. In his smile I also knew he had wanted this to happen between us. I was close and he wrapped me in his arms and I fell into him, hugging him tightly.

God_Consciousness_1024See No Evil and God Consciousness

I came back to my body with the feeling of still hugging this man, this father figure. My hand was numb again and I moved it. At the same time realized something major had just happened. I had a breakthrough. I sorted through my memories but could not place the man, this father of mine from a past life. I stopped on one memory that I thought could potentially be him. When I did, I began to cry. If this was that father, then indeed there was much pain and betrayal involved.

I did not want to wake up and found myself in that in-between state for some time. During this time, my guide was talking with me, discussing what had happened. I saw many images but one stood out to me. It was a book that had the words “See no evil” written on the front along with a picture of a statue holding its hands over its eyes. On the side of the book, along the bound edge, were the words, “God Consciousness”.

I woke out of my reverie in shock, completely understanding what the “see no evil” meant. I then questioned the title on the bound edge. “What is God consciousness?” I asked. I got no answer but soon fell back into my in-between state, watching images float through my vision and hearing my guide speak, explaining what was going on and where I was going.

I don’t remember his exact words but I do know that I am using my astral reality to confront my demons. Some of these memories are so horrid that my conscious self has not been able to confront them fully. Yet, somehow another part of me is. These realities are my classroom, a controlled environment where I can safely analyze myself, my beliefs and my cycles with the assistance of my guides. It is purposeful and safe and much less likely to upset my waking life.

When I think back to the man I confronted, I truly believe he was not created by me but actually present. Perhaps he is living life now and was dreaming when I put my hand on his heart. Whatever the case, he recognized the healing and accepted it. I hope, wherever he is and whatever he is doing, he wakes up more at peace than he did when he went to sleep.

by

Rejecting Desire

The night before last, my guide asked me, “Why are you here?” I replied, “To help”. He then asked, “Who?” and I replied, “The Many”. He repeated his question. I thought about it and began to list off names. At first I was uncertain, but as I listed them I began to remember people from my past and included people from my present. They were not all family members, but this didn’t surprise me.

He then asked me if I believed helping people was only done though positive interactions with them. I thought about it. I recognized that the answer was, “No”. Again, I did not think about it too much but just accepted the answer as fact. I knew I had negative experiences and interactions with people in my life and it made sense that perhaps my “helping” them was through negative interactions.

New School

I fell asleep after the conversation and had an interesting dream. The dream began with me riding in a car along a very dark street in a city. I was not driving. It was raining and I remember feeling uncomfortable. I came to an intersection and saw a classmate of mine in her SUV waiting at the light. I looked and she was asleep. I remember yelling out, “Look at her! She’s asleep! Why isn’t she awake?”

My car continued through the intersection and I remember seeing a woman with dark brown hair. She took my hand and walked me up to a school. It had stopped raining but the sky was still overcast.

The school was very obviously an elementary school and it appeared to be an older one, perhaps built in the 1970s. She led me into the building and I looked down and saw golden colored carpeting. I looked around and saw dark wood trim and a very nice, clean space that was also painted a golden color. It appeared to be the cafeteria but it was divided into sections for the different grade levels. I noticed staff members standing around the edges and a speaker, the principal, at the front.

I leaned against one of the walls that separated the space as the principal spoke to the staff and students. I listened as he gave a history of the school but I do not remember it now. I was noting how few students there were. This was a small school! There were maybe 20 children in each of the sections and I noted three sections, two at the bottom and one at the top. They were seated at tables like in a cafeteria but they weren’t eating. The room was being used as an assembly room at that time.

A man passed by me and looked at me curiously. He was wearing cowboy boots and jeans and looked a lot like my mother’s husband, with long, brown and graying hair that was thinning on top. He smiled at me and I felt uncomfortable and briefly worried he was coming onto me. I did not want that and shrank back from him. I felt very out of place and uncomfortable.

The principal paused and then introduced the woman who walked me into the school. A little girl came up next to me to stand for a minute and asked me a question. I did not know how to answer her and was saved by the woman who came with me who told the girl to go sit down. She then walked up and began to speak.

I knew the woman who brought me was associated with a benefactor to the school and she mentioned his contribution to the school and also mentioned how very well adapted the school had become. This had saved them money in heating and cooling, she said. She then pointed me out to the group and introduced me as new staff at another school, calling me “Indy”. I smiled and thought to myself, “I like that name”. I looked down at a red folder in front of me and saw my name written on the top – but it was not my real name. It said, “Indiana”. I remember again liking the name, especially the nickname – Indy. When I read the last name I do not remember it fully but I swear it said, “Jones” as in “Indiana Jones”!

Interpretation

My interpretation of the dream is that I was being introduced to some individuals I would be “helping” and they belonged to a newer group of Souls than my own group. I was a “teacher” or similar to them. I may not be fully comfortable with this position, as indicated with my feeling uneasy and out of place.

The part where I remarked how an ex-classmate of mine was “asleep” at the wheel stood out very strongly in my dream. I believe this part of my dream was me recognizing how people often sleep through life, as if on automatic pilot. This particular classmate was one I really disliked in school and continue to not like. Perhaps I was recognizing that she was not aware of being this way.

The interesting part is where I am called by the name Indy and see the full name – Indiana Jones – written on a red folder. I like the name and seem to accept it. I remember very clearly, “I LIKE that name”. Even now, the name Indy is appealing to me for some reason! However, the name Indiana Jones is very much linked to the movies by that name. I use to love watching those movies! They were full of adventure, romance and mystery.

It was brought to my attention that perhaps I am about to embark on an adventure. The red folder may be symbolic of the root chakra or sexual energy and desire. Because my new name was written on the folder, could it be that this “new” adventure is linked to sexual desire?

Rejecting Desire

I did not mention it, but when I woke from this dream I was very uncomfortable with the part about the man looking at me. This is what stuck with me when I woke up and I became a bit panicked over it. Out of the blue I began to remember how it felt to desire someone, not just in a sexual way but be completely drawn to them. I pushed the memory away because it came with a feeling or knowing that I might be feeling this again. I think the fear came because I worry this person will not be my husband. I completely rejected the feeling/knowing because I do not want that to happen!

After spending time writing out the dream and looking at the symbolism behind it, I began to remember other dreams. These dreams I have written about in my blog before. In them I am either telling someone I cannot be with them because I am married and/or feeling huge amounts of guilt for cheating on my husband (which I have never done). My husband admits to having similar dreams.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps my Higher Self is trying to tell me something. Perhaps I am rejecting what I am being told because I do not want to confront it. And then I realized the dream and this adventure could be a warning of things to come.

When I considered the possibility I wondered if it was a warning. Upon realizing this was very likely, I asked, “When?” and heard “November”. All at one my stomach flip flopped and my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I couldn’t get the feeling in my heart to go away and even now I am struggling to control it. It is a beautiful, wonderful feeling! It makes it hard to breathe, in a good way. It isn’t at all sexual. It is like a part of me is overjoyed and exploding with love. Yet I reject the feeling because I shouldn’t be feeling it. And when I stop to try and get control of myself I get covered in psychic chills and goose bumps which only makes it that much harder to reject the feeling.

And what does it all mean to me? What is the truth? That something is about to happen and I need to be ready to handle it? A part of me worries I will meet a man. I don’t want to meet anyone! Yet the feeling I get says to me that it is good, wonderful, amazingly fantastic. If you could feel the explosion in my heart right now you would understand.

I don’t want any upheaval in my life or my children’s lives. I want stability. I do not want to upset the balance. I do not want my family to go through divorce or separation or anything of the sort.

I am hoping that I am overreacting. That all of this is just a clearing of my chakras and something at a subconscious level was released. We’ll see I guess.

After Calming Down

All this overwhelming emotion and energy happened yesterday. It has not since returned, though I miss the wonderful feeling and do want it back. I have had many conversations with my guide since then. I recognize that I have a choice and that my Ego is overreacting, as is the norm. I also recognize that I created this, even though I have no obvious conscious memory of it.

I have been asking for help and healing. My second chakra has been blocked for some time. With it comes repressed emotion, lack of sexual desire and overall numbness in life. My heart chakra has also been blocked, though only partially. With the second chakra blocked, the energy balance of my other chakras has been suffering, resulting in overall numbness. I have been sleeping heavily to compensate and having intensely vivid dreams.

I made it very clear to my guide that I did not want to meet anyone or have any crazy, sexual attractions to anyone but my husband. While doing so, I realize it is totally up to me and that I was being made aware of what I was creating prior to its manifestation. Usually I am against knowing things in advance, but I am very relieve to have seen this before it materialized. I can avoid a major disaster.

It did occur to me that maybe nothing of the such is being manifested, that instead I am finally making progress in clearing the blockages. The amazing feeling I experienced was just that – a clearing out of the chakras that have been blocked. The feeling I had was very similar to kundalini energy when it rises. It is better than any drug. It is marvelous! If I could, I would lose myself in the feeling and keep it forever.

I hope beyond hope that the latter explanation is the winner and that my initial reaction is wrong. We so easily manifest, often without knowing it. I do miss feeling those wonderful feelings I felt yesterday, but it is not worth it to me to sacrifice everything I have built for that feeling.

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Mile Markers

There is something going on with me – it is just a feeling I get. Along with the signs I have been receiving both from my guides and from my dreams, the feeling has been intensifying. I cannot describe the feeling because it is subtle, seeming to be buried very deeply within my subconscious. I believe it is a Knowingness that is slowly rising to the surface and as it does, it begins to break through into my consciousness as odd, new feelings and intuitions. That is the best way to describe it and I believe it to be accurate because I can actually visualize the process!

Mile Markers

I began to take notice of the “shift” in my own energy and perception two days ago. I had just noticed that I had 12 in Spirit assisting me. This always means something significant has happened. I had 12 when my daughter was born. I had 12 when I reached my 36th year. I had 12 when I met my husband. So far, their presence has not indicated anything negative. What is odd, though, is that knowing they are near causes me to become nervous and I don’t know why. I have decided, though, that the 12 are present because significant milestones in my life have been reached.

It is like running a long race or marathon. Imagine that your life is a long road and along the road are mile markers. Each mile marker has significance, similar to how they do in a race. When you reach them, you know you have made it and this uplifts you because you have achieved part of your goal. You had set out to reach mile maker 5 and you did – time for a silent celebration as you continue upon your path. As you progress and reach mile marker, after mile marker, you become tired and struggle to keep going. The only thing that keeps you going is that you can see the next mile marker and that you are getting close to the end. So, by mile 20, you are tired, weary and wanting to stop for a rest, but you know if you stop you are likely to struggle to start running again. You are so tired you can feel it in your bones. Then, along the sidelines you hear cheering and see crowds of people lined up giving encouragement, saying, “You can do it! You’re almost there! Don’t give up!” You listen. You dig deep and find energy that you didn’t know you had and you keep going. Then you see the mile marker and know you have achieved yet another goal. But there are more. Not many, but more.

I don’t know exactly what mile marker I am on, but I accept that I must have reached one recently.

Three

Two nights ago I awoke earlier than I wanted to. Again. I managed to fall asleep and had odd dreams. Though I can’t remember the dreams completely, I do remember that there was a theme: three. I recall briefly a confusion because in one dream there were three of me all together and identical. There were more dreams like this with three of one thing. When I awoke I knew only that 3 was significant.

I was going to write about it after it happened but did not feel inspired to. But the number followed me and I began to think of its significance. Mainly I knew that it represented the Holy trinity – body, mind and spirit. This felt right and I wondered about it.

I began to wonder about the angel number meaning, specifically of 333. This angel number is a message that one’s guides are close and helping at this time. This felt correct to me as well. This number is also representative of spiritual gifts and reminds us that we have a higher purpose to fulfill using those gifts.

Killing Babies

Not only did I have the dream of the number 3, but I also had a disturbing dream. I did not remember the dream until last night, but it occurred the same night as the dream about 3’s. In this particular dream the specifics are lost to me but I distinctly remember recalling that in past lives I have killed babies – my own and others’. I have had a past life recollection of getting an abortion but this was not the only time I did such a thing. When I try to recall the dream and these acts specifically I feel such sadness that I cannot find the memories in detail. However, the feel of the emotion is so full of guilt and shame that I know what I have done in past lives is despicable. I do recall briefly in a dream that I murdered my own child after his/her birth when he/she was quite a bit older than newborn. I do not remember exactly what I did but it affected the baby’s organs, because in the dream I recall destroying the middle of the child. I believe I either drowned him/her or smothered him/her.

In considering the dream now, I believe I should not focus so much on whether I did these things in a past life, but more on the symbolism. To kill a baby in a dream symbolizes the ending of something that you once were a part of. What am I killing or considering killing off in my life? Because I specifically pinpointed the center of the baby in my dream, it could be that I am killing off a piece of my heart. It is sad, but I believe I can relate to this.

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Look for the Light

For the last two or three days I have been getting messages as I lay down to sleep. My thoughts have been pretty much nonexistent but I have been struggling to fall asleep for some reason. I finally asked two nights ago what was going on. I was told that I was “healing” and receiving “help”. Then, without asking, I was told to, “Look for the light”. Last night I was told this again and it worried me. Don’t people see “the light” when they die? So I asked some questions about what it meant. I was told I would be “conscious” when it happened and that I would be “okay”.

When I asked others what they thought it meant, I got various responses. Some said that it just means to look for the positive in life while others said it meant to stay in the Now. A good friend of mine said: “Looking for the light helps to transition our experience to that which feels good, expansive, reaching towards Spirit. You are light!!” I believe her answer was the most spot on. Why? Because my guide has been saying, “Remember who you are”. I am still not sure who that is.

Following the Light

I was awakened this morning to my bed shaking. It was not violent shaking, like in The Exorcist, but it was noticeable enough that it made me concerned and I held my entire body completely still. It passed quickly but I recalled the same thing had happened earlier in the week. I wondered if it meant I was about to go OOB? I do not recall experiencing shaking before projecting, at least not in my bed.

I tossed and turned as I tried to return to sleep. I had awakened early again and it irritated me because I really wanted to sleep in! I finally said to my guide, “I want to astral. Please!” I did not get a response but a feeling that it was possible, almost like he said, “If you really want to”.

I must have fallen asleep soon after because the next thing I remember was being in my bed in my mother’s house where I spent most of my childhood. I heard people talking and climbed out of bed sluggishly to see what was going on. I recall there was a tall woman with very dark brown, almost black, shoulder length hair, doing most of the talking. I was listening to her and trying to interact but I felt heavy and cumbersome, as if I were sleep walking. I went out into the hallway as the woman spoke to me and other people. The room was brightly lit and golden colored. It sounded like there were many people in the house but all I saw was the woman. She seemed very lively and alert, smiling and bright, almost like she was glowing. She was discussing gifts and I wondered if it was the holiday. I recall being seated on the floor with my baby son and looking through various toys and other objects. I heard that all of it was brought from “there” but I don’t know where “there” was. I was upset because it was cluttering the floor and got very irritated with everyone, though I could not see them. The irritated feeling is familiar to me in life and it seems it all came out of me true-to-life. I instantly wanted the mess gone! I snapped at the woman and told her I only wanted her to bring the one thing and pointed to this odd looking tall, yellow toy. I think it was a block sorting toy, you know the kind where the baby puts the shape into the correct hole? I grabbed the toy and went back towards my bed, leaving them there.

I got back into bed and kept thinking about how I wanted to leave my body. I was very aware of the bed and could feel that I was in my body. I started going through the different methods I use to try for conscious exit. I thought of rolling out of my body and rocking back and forth. Whenever I tried to rock back and forth I kept feeling different parts of my body like my hands and believed I had messed it up. Frustrated, I began to look for the hypnagogic images that I use to get, but I saw none.

I lingered in my body for some time, sensing the energy fluctuations and wondering if I would feel the vibrations. I even asked to feel them, but never did. During this time it felt like I was going in and out of my body very quickly, almost like my energy was shaking very rigorously. Perhaps this was the vibrations but without feeling?

Suddenly I was aware of a large, leafless tree in the corner of the room. It was dark in the room, but I could see the outline of the branches very clearly. It was a short, squat bush with branches that had very pointy ends. Recognizing that it was very obviously out of place, I went over to it. When I reached it, I knew I was OOB and became instantly disinterested in the tree. I went towards the window and through it, momentarily losing my vision as I did.

On the other side of the window it was dark but the large pool I knew would be there was lit up and glowing a vivid, crystal clear blue. I went directly into the water, fully expecting to feel myself become one with it. Instead, it felt as if I were in a bubble, surprisingly dense and not fluid at all. I also could not see under the water, which is not the norm. I felt myself instinctively hold my breath. I willed myself to continue breathing, dove down a bit and then resurfaced. When I did, I saw the edge of the water and noticed a glowing, red light switch was mounted on the side, just above the glowing, blue water line. I found it curious and went over and flipped the switch, fully expecting the entire pool to turn a glowing florescent red color. Instead, nothing happened. Disappointed, I exited the pool and flew up into the night sky.

Once I was flying, I looked out ahead of me. It was dark, but it didn’t bother me at all. I was at the level of the tree tops and looked down at their dark silhouettes as I flew. I did not want to be pulled up, so I purposefully stayed in the branches, even grabbing onto them. Then I noticed a light in the distance behind the trees. I went toward it, hoping to find out what it was. When I got to where I had seen the light, it was gone.

I turned around to head back towards the house. I could see my mother’s bedroom window. It was lit up and golden yellow, as if the lights were on inside. I went towards the window, intent on going inside. Knowing I would meet resistance, I prepared myself and lost my vision. At this time I also remember humming a tune without words. As I tried to enter the room, the volume of my voice humming the tune intensified. I lingered in the blackness for a little while, still humming and hoping I would emerge on the other side and in the light. Unfortunately, I went back into my body and woke up.

Surfacing Memory

I lay in bed a while and could hear my family still moving around the house. This told me I had only been asleep briefly. I rolled over and began to recount my OBE, hoping to pick up any tidbits of information I may have lost.

I recalled the OBE in its entirety and knew I had been in the lower astral realm. I also recognized that the dream prior to it was semi-lucid and likely also in the astral somewhere but the way my dream self felt, all heavy and cumbersome, did not seem to fit. Perhaps this was me trying to become more conscious and not succeeding?

I do not believe I ever woke up between experiences but instead used my going back to bed to help me achieve more awareness. I am not sure if this is what is called a “false awakening” but it seems to fit. It worked and I was able to fully take control of the experience.

Oddly, as I was sorting through the memories, one surfaced that I completely missed. When I was in my “bed”, trying various methods to exit my body, I found myself inside a small, golden room. It was small and box-like, almost like an empty closet. In front of me was a door and I was instructed to “open it”. I did. After I opened the door I was suddenly aware of the tree in the room.

Why So Much Darkness?

Although I got what I asked for, I was disappointed to once again have such a dark and dreary OBE. I immediately asked my guide why this was. He, of course, asked me, “Why do you think?” and I remembered how he keeps telling me, “I am you” and “This is you” in reference to my OBE. I realized that I am not seeing because I do not see any alternatives for the situation I find myself in in life. I feel trapped, as if any decision I make will have the same results. I do not feel I have much to look forward to except more of the same. These considerations result in darkness because I am not able to “see” beyond. This makes sense because my guide has also been telling me, “You will see”. Interesting.

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Lightening Bolt

12

Yesterday was a struggle. I awoke in a bad mood and then decided to write my husband a letter since we never seem to be able to communicate without interruption from our children. It is so hard to have any alone time with each other! Anyway, I actually started to write to a friend and then realized it was something I should be telling my husband and so copied and pasted it into a Word document and then added more. I told my husband to read it and let it be and then heard him typing and knew he was responding.

We ended up having a good conversation about my considerations and upsets. It was helpful but I wish we had had more time to talk. It never seems we have enough time for each other these days. The good thing is that my husband did not feel the way I thought he did, and that helped ease my upset. I noticed afterward that my shoulders were more relaxed. The tension, which had been so fierce that it felt my shoulders were stuck to my ears, was gone.

In the evening I sat outside listening to a neighbor play classical music. It seemed fitting and I smiled as I looked up at the half moon. The air was crisp and cool and the night was very quiet except for the beautiful music. I relaxed and let out a huge breath that I must have been holding in without knowing. When I did, I noticed my guide near and also that there were others. It actually felt a bit crowded and I knew instantly there were 12. At first I was a bit shocked but my guide said sent me a feeling that said, “It’s okay” and I asked why they were there. He said, “To help” and I accepted it. I did not feel like asking anything else.

Later, as I lay in bed preparing for sleep, I focused on healing a friend. As soon as I began to meditate I heard, “Look” and saw a white light in the distance. I tried to look closer but when I did I could not see it. I still felt the 12 near me and tried to again focus on healing. Instead my thoughts kept drifting away from my original intention to other intentions – all of them healing related. That is when I experienced an odd energy coming through the top of my head.

Lightening Bolt

The “lightening bolt” is what I call the odd energy. It has happened almost every night this week. Last night it happened for the fourth time. I don’t know what to call it, so I will describe it instead.

It always happens when I am laying in bed usually ten minutes or so before I finally drift off to sleep. It usually happens when I am laying on my stomach, which I have been feeling I should do for some reason even though I am not a stomach sleeper. it is almost like I get told to do it, but it really is just a thought that comes to me that says, “Turn over” or “Lay on your stomach”. I briefly have the intention to defy the “order” but then resolve to just do it because it comes from my Higher Self and I know that whatever the reason, it is a good one.

When I lay on my stomach I usually cannot get comfortable, which I know will happen and is why I am not a stomach sleeper. Usually I cannot keep still and hear a quiet, calm voice say, “Be still”. So I comply. After a while of being still, it happens. I get hit with what I can only describe as a lightening bolt of energy. It comes from above and strikes me in the head, usually from above and at an angle. It doesn’t hurt but it makes my entire body jump. This is not under my control at all and the movement reminds me of what happens when I have dreams that I am falling and jerk back to waking reality, shocked and a bit afraid. Yet the “lightening bolt” of energy is very obviously a stream of energy coming from somewhere and the residual energy of it lingers where it enters my head for some time after the event.

The first time it happened I was just stunned and wondered what the heck had just happened. I eventually let it go, chocking it up to some odd, deep relaxation side-effect even though I was not even close to a deeply relaxed state when it occurred.

The second time it happened I began to wonder if it was something intentional. But what?

The third time it happened I had been anticipating it and waiting. When it happened, it caught me off guard – which is the usual. I focused on how it felt and could not figure out what exactly the energy was or what its purpose was.

When it surprised me once again last night I noticed that the energy seemed to go through my entire body in a straight line. Last night it exited out my left side near my knees and feet. Each time the lingering energy always sits in my head near my crown chakra. This time I felt as if I were being observed and, since I knew I had 12 guides near, I was convinced that they were behind this odd lightening-like energy.

Questions

I am convinced that this energy is some kind of healing energy but I may be wrong since I have never experienced such an energy and have not read anything of similar experiences. Perhaps it is related to kundalini awakening? Or perhaps it is just an adjustment being made by my Higher Self and I am not meant to know its purpose other than that I am being “helped”.

If you have had such an experience, even a similar one, can you please share it with me? I am curious to know what might be happening.

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Hover Car

I am getting a bit tired of not being tired. 🙂 Again I awoke at 6am when I could have slept another two hours! It is funny how just a year ago I was struggling with horrible insomnia and begging to just be able to sleep through the night and now I am not tired, not caring if I sleep and waking up after a full 7-8 hours wide awake. Perhaps it is the ascension process or maybe the result of letting go of negative life patterns and habits that were causing me stress. Likely a bit of both.

Hovercraft

I was able to return to sleep briefly this morning and as a result I had a very interesting dream. I want to share some of it and my thoughts because it feels significant to me.

In the dream I was with my ex-husband but he shifted between my ex and my current husband. One minute it would be my ex I was talking to and the next it would be my current husband. I spoke to them as if they were the same person, though, which is confusing but did not confuse me at all in the dream.

In my mind, the main person I was interacting with and speaking to was my ex. I remember discussing with him and another male figure our relationship and how he was my “best friend”. I thought about how well we communicated and how simple our relationship was. My ex was not the brightest but he was very loving, thoughtful and sensitive – much more sensitive than I was. He cared about how I felt and if I was sad, depressed or otherwise he went to great lengths to try to make me happy. Our conversations were simple and fun loving – no serious stuff usually. We talked about practical things, usually music, nature, hunting, fishing, camping, the outdoors and my husband’s crazy, exciting job. I listened better back then, I think.

Anyway, in the dream, I was flying in a hover car with my ex husband and I remember seeing the color silver. We moved swiftly and I could see the destination in front of us. Now, when I try to remember where we were going, I can’t and the destination in my memory is merely a horizon painted with pastel colors in an arc surrounding a final point of white light. The feeling was of loneliness and hope mixed with a bit of regret. It is hard to describe.

Considerations

When I awoke, I immediately wondered if my ex is someone much closer to me on the Other Side than I previously thought. The feelings I brought back from the dream were that we were very close and the memories that flooded into my mind of our time together as husband and wife were acutely different than the memories I am currently creating in my present relationship. The differences between the two relationships stood out stark in comparison to one another – black and white in so many ways.

I began to regret that I had met my ex when I did. I lived in so much fear and was so young. I did not know who I was and struggled to define myself, caught up in what I thought I was suppose to be and do based upon what others in my life wanted. I was not yet to the point where I firmly understood what I wanted and where I wanted to go in life. Unfortunately for my ex, I began to see these things and make decisions about what I wanted and it did not go along with our relationship. We grew apart, but I can fully take the blame for it.

I was able to “see” that my ex and I were best friends above all else. We could talk about anything and we understood each other. Even when we split, there was no animosity or anger. We knew it was a necessary evil. We knew it was time to move on. It hurt him more than me, but I think that was his lesson. And now that I have matured and can fully understand, there is a sadness for all that could have been had I not been the person I was back then. He chose to be the way he was this life, as I did, and I have a feeling in future lives we may choose to be close again but maybe not as distant physically.

This is not to say that my ex is more significant to me than my current husband – that is not true at all. I did not have the connection to him that I had the instant I met my current husband. I often wonder about that “love at first sight” reaction I had when I looked in his eyes. Is that simply a trigger implanted there by myself to get me to take a significant path in my life? Or is it “real” and connected to a bond that between us that spans many lives? I have read  (Michael Newton’s Life Between Lives) that triggers are rehearsed by us prior to life and many times they are linked to the eyes so that when we meet someone who we have agreed to learn significant lessons with we “trigger” something inside ourselves. Usually it is a feeling or a knowingness. For me, the instant I saw my husband’s eyes I thought, “He is my angel”. I had also been warned by my guides that I would “meet someone” that day.

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Beyond Illusion

Last night I sensed, finally, that the energy is calming down. Whatever has been going on energetically has been wreaking havoc on my emotional state and I am glad it is settling down. My guide continues to tell me, “It will pass” and, though I am tired of hearing such messages time and again, I know he is right. I just have to get through these hills of intensely turbulent energy in order to reach a valley and rest.

Message

As I recognized that the calm was finally returning, I let out a sigh of relief. At the same time, I wondered to myself, “What is going on?” As is typical of my guide, I got a response.

He showed me what appeared to be the energy of the Earth. It was jagged and looked a lot like lightening bolts of varying shades of color. The main colors I saw were red, green and blue but there were other colors like white and yellow that were less distinct.

Then I saw a vision of the level right above Earth blending and blurring with that of the Earth plane. I could see Spirit descending into the Earth plane and also some on the Earth place ascending to the level of Spirit. It was as if the two were experiencing an exchange, but neither stayed on the other side but was planted firmly in their world.

It reminded me of the vision I got years ago of myself standing in between two distinct worlds but not quite in one or the other. I stood in a mist that was gray and white and moving. On one side was Earth; our physical reality. On the other side was what I assumed was “heaven” or the “other side”. Now that I am older and understand more about the different planes that surround Earth, I know that the plane right above that of Earth is the astral plane.

After seeing these visions, which occurred in mere seconds, I understood without knowing exactly what it meant. I also knew that with this energy change I once again would leave my body more frequently. In fact, I suspected I would do so the next morning.

OBE

I could not fall asleep until close to midnight. That has been my pattern this month and it really has not been bothering me. In fact, I have not wanted to go to sleep. I don’t know why but I suspect it is because I do not want to confront something that will be happening in my sleep. Most likely healing which means confronting not so nice aspects of myself.

When I finally fell asleep I had dreams of fishing intermixed with dreams of sexual frustration. I won’t go into detail but in a nutshell the dreams were symbolic of my waking life. Ultimately, these dreams woke me up and I knew right away that I was working on my second chakra, trying to clear whatever was holding it so tightly closed. I knew that my feelings of overwhelm with my family was ultimately the perpetrator.

I fell back to sleep, dreaming that I visited my daughter at school where she was tutoring another child. I spoke with her teacher because my daughter was struggling to get her student to work and was doing his work for him. The teacher explained that was the way the program worked – everyone teaches someone else. I then lost my daughter as I tried to relay the message that part of her problem was she could not see well and might need glasses.

I left the room and then the school, watching the students pass by and noticing they were high school students. I sort of felt transported back to my middle school years because I was aware that I was walking outside of the very school I attended then. The students were very vivid and real as was the parking lot and the entire scene as I walked outside. Then, I suddenly thought, “How did I get here?”, but I did not remember. Then I thought to myself, “This is a dream!”

Upon realizing I was dreaming I became overjoyed and the scene brightened. I immediately dropped the pack of juice boxes I was carrying and launched myself up into the air. The day was bright and the sky blue and dotted with fluffy clouds. I soared upward very fast and thought to myself, “Uh oh, not so high!” Then I leveled out and looked down at a group of students. A young man was looking up and pointing at me. This occurred at the same time as a memory of a book I was reading where the author had recounted her own OBE and how she had to be careful of flying so as to not upset the other travelers. I recognized I was creating this very scene below me and allowed it to occur.

I reached down and took the hand of the young man as I said to him, “Come fly with me!” I pulled him up and he went soaring above me. I said to him, “Not so high!” as if to warn him not to go into outer space. I then let him carrying me along below him and I enjoyed the free feeling for a bit.

My thoughts got the better of me as I remembered, all at once, what I had been planning to do as soon as I got OBE. I began to request things all at once. “I want to be with the One” and “I want to Know” were among the requests. They all came out at once and then I began to sing them loudly and with great hope. I wanted to be reunited with the Source, to go beyond the illusion of life and the illusions I seemed so attached to.

As I sang I felt pulled upward again and the scene blacked out. I kept singing but instantly knew I would not go anywhere. I was pulled back into my body and gradually settled back in.

Beyond Illusion

The experience I had this morning did not seem very significant at first but now that I look back upon it, I feel it showed that I am opening up again to the adventure of creating while OOB. It is also promising to me that I did not find myself in the dark.

I have been reading a book called Doing Time on Earth: Unmasking the Hidden Mind Directing Our Lives. So far I have been fascinated by the book and it is one of the reasons I go to bed so late. There was one part of the book where the author discusses how she had a lucid dream in which she was trapped inside a cage made up of her own responsibilities. She saw how she was trapped inside this cage but was able to break free and rise above to experience peace and calm. She then returned to it and all the illusions of her life, recognizing each of them as restraining her in this life.

Reading the author’s experience made me think about my cage and how to break free. This is why I asked what I did while OOB. I likely went about it wrong and I am still trying to figure how to go about it, but I think I will get there eventually. I likely am not quite ready to get beyond my own illusions. Illusions can become comfortable and safe.

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Kundalini

What is Kundalini?

Kundalini is the power of the Divine located in each and every individual soul who incarnates into the physical.   Each of us possesses this Divine power within us, though most of us go through our lives without ever tapping into the limitlessness of our own Divinity.  Through our own Kundalini energy, we can experience pure Love, greater Knowledge, and increased intuition and connection to the universe.

Kundalini energy remains dormant for the most part.  Lying in wait until it is unleashed by a trigger or specific stimulus.  As I said earlier, not everyone will experience a release and rise of their Kundalini energy, but those who do are destined to do so in order to achieve a spiritual consciousness unique to their own spiritual journey.  The Soul chooses a specific event, time, place, emotional state, etc.  When the exact moment occurs and Kundalini begins to rise, the individual cannot ever return to their previous state.

The release of Kundalini energy can be triggered by meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, Reiki, healing and other spiritual exercises. When the Kundalini energy rises through the chakras, it can cause major change which can be problematic.

Kundalini Awakening

A Kundalini awakening is the rise of the Kundalini energy up through the seven major chakras starting with the root chakra.  This “awakening” may happen spontaneously to some while others may work years to unlock the power of their own Divinity on their own.  If you have begun to explore your own Spirituality,  then you need to be aware of Kundalini energy and the effects of  it.

Spontaneous awakening of Kundalini can be caused by many things.  Near death experiences, traumatic experiences, pain, deep sorrow, healing, intensive meditation and physical or mental illness can all bring about a Kundalini awakening.

Though the Kundalini awakening is considered a great prize by many seeking spiritual enlightenment, the process of Kundalini rising can cause many problems and setbacks for the individual.  When the dormant or potential aspect of the Kundalini arises, it means the transformation of individual consciousness into fully expanded Consciousness of the Divine. That process of transformation and purification is marked by both ecstasy and sublime experiences of the Divine, as well as by “dark nights” of the soul.  Kundalini awakening can create experiences that mimic psychiatric and somatic disorders such as schizophrenia, manic depression, and psychosis. Whether you are purposeful in awakening your Kundalini energy or not, the experience will change your life.

Typical Symptoms of a Kundalini Awakening

  • Burning hot or ice cold energy/sensations moving up the spine.
  • A feeling of air bubbles or snake movement up through the body.
  • Pains in varying locations throughout the body.
  • Tingling in the genital area, spine, or head.
  • Stiffness in the neck.
  • Pressure within the head (can be described as dull pain or heavy sensation).
  • Intense energy in legs and other parts of the body.
  • Fast pulse and increased metabolism.
  • Sensitivity to sound, light, smell, and people.
  • Orgasm sensations in different places in the body, or total body orgasms.
  • Mystical/religious experiences, revelations, and/or spiritual revelations.
  • Increase in psychic abilities.
  • Problems finding emotional balance (depression, mood swings, confusion, mania).
  • Anxiety or anxiety attacks, due to lack of understanding of what is going on.
  • Insomnia or sleeplessness.
  • Loss of concentration and memory.
  • Purposeful isolation because of confusion and lack of understanding.

Kundalini Meditation

If you feel you are ready to initiate a Kundalini awakening for yourself, then there is a simple process you can follow.  Before you decide to start this process, however, please remember that awakening your Kundalini energy will change you and you will never be able to return to the state you were in prior to the experience.  A Kundalini awakening will bring out all your long hidden issues from this life and from previous lives, it will awaken your Divine nature which may include the onset of psychic abilities you have yet to know of, it will be confusing and most likely lead you through a transformational process which many call “the dark night of the soul”.  Consider where you are in life, where you wish to be in life in your future, and whether you feel a “call” from inside you that says, “Yes I am ready”.  For those of you unsure as to whether you are ready, I recommend consulting someone who has been through a Kundalini awakening.  Discuss their experience and research all you can on the subject before making a decision.

When I say that initiating a Kundalini awakening within yourself is simple, I mean it.  All you have to do is follow some simple steps:

  1. While in a meditative state, let it be known to your guides and to the universe your intention.  State that you wish to awaken the Divine within yourself.
  1. Focus on your root chakra and imagine it flowing in a clockwise direction.
  1. Continue to state your intention. As you do so, increase the rotational frequency of your root chakra slowly until it is speeding too fast for you to follow it any longer.
  1. Firmly state your intention once more and end your meditation.

Once you have done this, you should not have to ask again.  Meditating regularly and practicing spiritual exercises that increase concentration and help you explore your own spirituality will help the process.  A Kundalini awakening is a process that can last years.  Make sure that you have a good support system while you are going through the process.  You will need the compassion and understanding of close friends and family to help you through the most intense parts of your transformation.

Go through the first technique step-by-step until you drift off into sleep.  Do not be concerned if you do not instantly project.  It took me over a month of doing these exercises before I finally consciously astral projected.