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4th Dimensional Consciousness Revisited – February, 2014

As readers of this blog, you already know that recently I have been sensing a change in vibration, an energetic shift of some sort. I have recognized its significance and impact upon myself and my family and have also written that I believe this shift is occurring all over the world and not just in my own life/energy. The feeling is still with me this morning and as I awoke I was confronted with some of my own issues that need addressing. This, in turn, led me to feeling I should review some of my blog entries. I was not looking for any one entry in particular. In fact, I just opened up the page view history and there it was – the blog entry that I needed to read.

4th Dimensional Consciousness Revisited

The entry that explains the vibrational shift in energy that I have been feeling more and more of these last few weeks was written last summer. I wrote about it in a blog about 4th Dimensional Consciousness. The energetic shift that I, personally, am feeling is different than what I assumed it was when I wrote that post back in July 2013. I assumed that I had not made the transition to 4th dimensional consciousness yet; that I was still somewhere between the stage called “waking sleep” and “Enlightenment”. I believe this still to be true because I honestly cannot say that I am able to maintain that state of awareness permanently, but that I am, like many others, being pushed into full realization of a new state of being, one that puts me in present time at all times. How long this transition will last, I don’t know, but according to the illustration there are three states within 4th Dimensional Consciousness – Zensory Experience, Sanctuary and Penetration. I am beginning the first stage of being in the Here-Now, the Zensory Experience.

This is how 4th Dimensional Consciousness is described according to http://www.psychanics.com:

In this state, the person is awake and aware of the Self, of “I,” as a distinct entity separate from mind and all human identities. In this state, the person maintains consciousness of Self at every moment, as well as objective, non-identified, unattached, awareness of hir Experience, both psycanic (identities, thoughts, emotions) and physical. This is the state of the development of a Permanent Center of Self, of “I, which is always present, awake, and aware of Self, no matter the turbulence of the psycanic or the physical universes.

This is a state of no-mind, of out-of-mind, of silent mind. The person is in control of hir attention at all times and consciously directs and holds it where s/he will. The mind is turned off (unless needed for creation or directing action), and the person lives in the direct, pre-mind experience of Life, which is always the Here and Now. The 4th State BEing has “blown hir mind” and now lives “out of hir mind.”

 

The 4th State transcends the fears and resistances to life that are characteristic of the 3rd State. Resistance is the only cause of pain and suffering. The 4th State person does not resist any event in Life, not even hir own death. Thus s/he does not generate the negative emotion = resistances that are the only pain and suffering that exist. S/He flows with life and is attached to no particular outcome, so that whatever happens is an interesting experience: it is the next scene in the movie of hir visit to earth. Thus, a 4th State person transcends suffering and lives in SPace, serenity, harmony, love, and joy.

 Alignment with One’s Purpose

Another aspect of the energetic shift that I mentioned in other blogs is that the increase in one’s vibration leads to a thorough inspection and reflection upon one’s current path in life. As one becomes more aware, he/she recognizes either through intuitive feeling/knowingness or pure knowingness their true purpose/path in their current life as well as their overall path/purpose for their incarnations on Earth. As they recall more and more about themselves they will be forced to confront those things in their life which do not resonate with their path/purpose. Those that are in the beginning stages of this vibrational shift may find themselves experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. This period is necessary and will help them sort through what IS and what ISN’T part of their life purpose. Those who have already begun the transition into 4th Dimensional Consciousness will be more at ease with the changes that need to be made. Though they may also still struggle somewhat with it, ultimately they will stop fighting their path and embrace it.

I have been witness to this transition in both my life and that of my husband’s. We are both tired of accepting that which does not feel right in our lives. We are recognizing and rejecting those aspects of our lives which do not fit our overall purpose. Slowly, we have made and will make adjustments in our lives accordingly.

Letting Go of Fear

An important part of this transition is not being the effect of our fears. My husband has been very conscious of this. I, on the other hand, am still struggling with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not having enough. Fear of loss. Fear of failure. My husband is here to help me overcome those fears for it is much easier to confront them and overcome them with the help of another. From my personal experience, the best way to overcome fear is to confront it. “Why not?” has been how my guides are attempting to help me confront my fears. It does help to question myself when not making the necessary changes in my life. What is life if one is trapped in a corner and not progressing because of their fears?

Think About Your LifePeace Maker

“Think about your life”.

This has been a message given to my by my guides for a very long time – ever since my spiritual awakening in 2003. I now understand even more its significance in my life. Unfortunately, life had to push me into making changes but in the process it has helped me learn how to recognize what IS me versus what ISN’T.

I have finally escaped the negative work situation that I have been a part of for 6 years. I stayed out of fear more than anything but also indecision. The indecision, however, was a direct result of the fear. Once I had clarity and focus I was able to move from indecision into decision and I obtained my new job, one that is more in alignment with my life’s purpose.

Yet still I am being confronted by another aspect of my life and now must sift through the emotions that blur my clarity – the use of my spiritual gifts to help others. I shut down my website. Why did I do that? Out of fear of its impact upon my career goals. I am being urged to reconsider now. My dreams last night revealed my fear to me in full and helped me recognize that if I push away the fear, there is left only my purpose: to help others. So now I am considering relaunching my website.

When my guides ask me “What do you want?” I have always thought about what I want but it is mixed with fear/doubt/uncertainty. They want me to think about what I want without those things. It is simple yet it is difficult. I wish that I were already transitioned into 4th Dimension Consciousness. To be able to be in present time all the time, without fear or worry, without Ego conflict – what a glorious place that would be! Yet I know to gain this ability I must relearn through experience that which I have forgotten/lost.

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4th Dimensional Consciousness – July, 2013

auraWhen I awoke this morning I immediately was aware of a very, strong male presence to my left and somewhat to the front of me. I got the distinct impression that he was wearing a robe or some similar flowing article of clothing. I also got the impression that he was either carrying something or had a blob on his right side that covered the length of his body. I was comfortable with this male figure, talking with him as I awoke from some crazy strange and vivid dreams. I assume he is a guide.

Before I get to the conversation we had, I want to recount a long list of dreams I had. They are quite vivid and so I want to account as many details as I can before my memory fades. So you all know, this blog is not specifically a “dream blog” by any means, it just so happens that I am feeling drawn to share my dreams for not only myself but also others.

Dr.’s Office

I nearly forgot this dream but it came to me as I tried to make sense of my busy night and the presence of one of my guides as I awakened. In the dream I recall being in a waiting room at a doctor’s office to pick up my grandmother. She had just come out of surgery and so I went with my mother to pick her up. She had surgery on her head and I recall hearing the doctor give my mom instructions on how to handle her. Strangely, the waiting room had some kind of food in it. I am struggling to remember what it was now, but I recall not liking it and trying to throw it away but having a nurse confront me about it. When the nurses brought out my grandmother the instructions were to keep her calm and let her lie flat. I recall that the dream shifted between a doctor’s office for people to one for dogs and seeing a dog in my grandmother’s place more than once. I believe it was my dog who passed last year – Trooper.

As we were transporting my grandmother I recall that her head fell off and was connected by this long, tendon-like pink cord. I remember being shocked and freaking out a bit but no one else reacted, they just put her head back on. It was really kind of gruesome as my grandmother was talking and conscious the whole time her head was disconnected and she didn’t seem to notice that her head wasn’t on her body.

At this point, we had traveled into the city. The city reminded me of an old, ancient city such as one in Europe, similar to London or Paris. The buildings were tall and very close together and everything was quite gray. My mom took my grandmother to meet up with her sisters. My grandmother was much better but I could still see a very obvious bandage on her head. Somehow the conversation got into running a marathon. Apparently my grandmother’s sisters ran marathons and I recall thinking it was absurd. They asked me if I would like to run and I agreed but I only had on my house shoes. The ladies took off and left me behind. I remember trying to keep up with them and going through a maze of city buildings and apartments. At one point I came upon someone’s back yard and there was a tall, three-stories barn-like wooden structure with dogs on all levels. There was also dogs in the yard. A woman came out to guide me through the yard as the dogs might attack. When I got through to the other side I had made it to the end of the run by taking a short cut. I finished before my grandmother’s sister who arrived later, surprised to see me there. I remember saying, “This was not even close to marathon” and remember it was like 28 minutes rather than 26.2miles.

Doctor’s office – could indicate the need for spiritual and emotional healing or could indicate the need to go to a doctor. 

Dog – represents loyalty, intuition, protection and fidelity.

Running alone – determination towards meeting one’s goals.

Something old – the need to replace something old in your life; could also mean there is a need to incorperate something from the past into the present.

Motorcycle Ride

This part of the dream is very odd to me. I recall leaving the old ladies behind and getting in a car that quickly morphed into a motorcycle. At first, the car had me, my mother, my grandmother and my younger sister in it. For some reason my mom couldn’t drive and my grandmother was not able to either. So my sister got behind the wheel but I remember that she was struggling to drive so I pushed her into the back seat and took over. I recall a struggle ensued and having difficulty seeing as I drove through the narrow city streets. The dream consisted mostly of me driving along, stopping at stop lights, struggling to see and moving very fast.

Motorcycle – the desire or need for freedom; desire to escape something.

Old House

I ended up at a large, old two story house. I recall that it was open to the public, as if it was a museum. Inside, there were stairs and lots of rooms. I don’t remember much about this part except looking at a living area and the old, nasty chairs and sofas in the room. I didn’t want to sit in them, but chose to anyway when I saw what appeared to be a screen with pictures on it and music (it was unfamiliar to me the kind of device this was – seemed similar to what I have seen in astral). There was a young girl there and a song was playing. I sat in an old arm chair and sang the song (also unfamiliar to me). The song turned off and the girl looked to find the song and it resumed playing, this time words appeared on a screen and there was a book with moving pages. Again, this seemed more like a memory of some spiritual reality than anything.

Old house – house represents one’s soul; past beliefs and attitudes may be coming up in present situation and one may need to update one’s way of thinking.

Wooden Machine, Old Cathedral and Carved Eggs

 At some point I woke up because of my son’s crying and so when I went back to sleep the dreams were different. I was with a man and he had this odd, wooden machine. I don’t remember what it did but I recall that I was working on it, carving the back of it which looked somewhat like a piece of furniture. My job was to fix it. I remember vaguely a stream and rolling the machine around, but the rest of the dream is lost to me now.

Then I ended up in a large, cathedral, walking amidst the rooms and looking at intricate carvings that we in the wood panels and furniture of the cathedral. I felt out of place as I walked through inspecting the wood, as church services were about to begin. There were two distinct rooms having service and I remember going into both of them and not feeling comfortable there.

At some point I had gathered four wooden eggs. Two looked like normal, chicken eggs; smooth, tan in color and very oblong. The other two were different. One was completely black and shiny smooth. The other was wooden in texture and color with various shades of brown. There was very obviously a world map carved into the shell. I carried the eggs with me very careful not to drop them. I had them with me when I went into the rooms where they were having service. I recall many people questioning me about them. I told them I found the eggs in the church. They always were curious about the black egg. I was very careful with the eggs the whole time and carried them close to me.

At some point I was with a man and still had the eggs, specifically the black egg and the carved egg. He asked me to put them in the microwave to see if they were hollow. I put them in and heard a sound like a hiss coming from them and, scared they would explode, quickly got them out of the microwave. The man said, “They have holes in them” and showed me the holes at the end of the shell, pointing out they were hollow. We inspected the egg with the map the most and he showed me holes at both ends and had me shake it so that I could feel the other “thing” that was inside. We talked about the eggs for a long time. I felt like I was a student and he was a teacher. The image of the map egg is very vivid in my mind. It was very beautifully carved with different depths and colors and I could see the map of the Earth in detail. Africa was very obvious as was Europe. It reminded me of the old, brownish colored maps you see in history books.

Eggs – fertility, growth, creative potential.

Carving wood – creative potential, molding or shaping one’s life. 

Cathetral/Church – seeking spiritual enlightenment; evaluation of one’s life.

Conversation 

 This part is not a dream. I woke up within and from the egg dream talking to the man from the dream. It was in my mind, not audible but more like thoughts. As I became more and more aware I was shaken by something we were talking about concerning the eggs (the dream was semi-lucid and I slowly regained conscious awareness as the conversation continued).

I didn’t open my eyes but thought immediately about the visions I got back in 2003 when I first awakened to my spiritual gifts. The one that popped into my head was of a map of the United States. The map was distorted, the normal borders of the U.S. covered by water, specifically the coastlines and especially the Mississippi River valley extending all the way North to the Great Lakes. I felt a very strong feeling from my guide that what he was telling me was important. I didn’t get a dread feeling like I would normally get. Instead, I was calm and listened.

I saw again the map and also saw the list in my head from yesterday’s dreams and previous visions I have had. Again, I could not make out the names on the list and it flashed only briefly in my mind. I heard, “Stay put”. I recognized this advice to mean to not leave the area I lived in. I also recognized that I would be safe if I stayed. Similarly, when I first saw the map in 2003, I knew if I stayed in Texas that I would be safe. I again recognized the list to be connected to names of people who would die from catastrophic events. This was confirmed by my guide by the feeling that was present. It was a feeling of confirmation and caution. I knew I was being again told to wait, stay put and lie low.

I had the thought that I did not like knowing things were coming. My guide asked, “Why” but I couldn’t put a finger on it. I finally answered that it didn’t make sense to me that people would choose to die, good people would choose to die. Finally, it didn’t make sense to me why I wouldn’t die. I also felt that there would be a lot of confusion, especially for the younger generation. And a lot of anger. I then saw in my mind my heart chakra burning bright green and felt this was not just a visual of me, but that it represented everyone on Earth. The fourth chakra had to do with a shift in consciousness linked to the fourth chakra (I am getting psychic chills as I type this). Some people will not be able to tolerate this shift. Others are already there, waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. This shift will force many into a darkness because they cannot confront themselves or handle the feeling inside them that well up seemingly uncontrollably.

4th Dimensional Consciousness

I just remembered Steven telling me a long time ago when I wrote my book about medical intuition and the aura. He told me that there is a shift to fourth dimensional consciousness occurring. I didn’t understand it. He is telling me now that it is linked to the fourth chakra. This is the mid-point in the human aura. It is the bridge connecting the lower and higher energies of our being.

I was led to search the internet for “fourth dimensional consciousness”. Many, many results came up. It took me a while to pinpoint the right explanation for fourth dimensional consciousness. Steven told me to be careful and not be confused by all the different explanations out there. The states of consciousness he is referring to is directly linked to the chakras.

When I found this site, The 7 States of Consciousness, my heart stopped for a moment and I took a huge, deep breath as I read its content.I knew this was the explanation I needed to find. I had to take a break from typing this blog because I became overwhelmed with emotion. I knew many would struggle with this transition; many ARE struggling with this transition. The internal struggle will be, is, the source of the strange energy right now. This energy will build and I am being warned of it.

Apparently most people are in the 3rd state now – Waking Sleep. The name of the 3rd state is very real to me. I am very obviously in the midst of the transition Steven is speaking about. Resistance to the transition, and most people (including me) will resist, wreaks havoc in life and amidst this people are left wondering, “What is wrong with me?” and are caught up in illusion.

Change

As I continued speaking with my guide, I saw an umbrella go up and rain came down onto it in torrents. I knew this indicated more physical flooding but also indicated emotional turbulence. Then I saw the Earth shaking and knew this indicated earth quakes. I then got the message, “Strange things will happen at your work” followed by “Strange things will happen in the world”.

I asked, “What do you mean by strange” and he said, “Unreal”. I then remembered how I felt when, on April 17th, a fertilizer factory exploded in West, Texas. I was in shock and thinking, “This can’t be happening”. It felt unreal, especially since, only two days before, the Boston Marathon had been bombed.

I got up out of bed feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything. Oddly, I was sort of dizzy and had difficulty walking to the bathroom. When I went down stairs to make breakfast, I again felt dizzy-like. It was not a feeling in my head, though, but in my body, as if I just could not find my balance. As I was typing this blog, I felt it again.

Overall, the message I got was to stay put and wait. That change is about to occur and that I need to be where I am at this time in my life for a reason. This shift to 4th dimensional consciousness is occurring and will be increasing. I am not certain how it will effect me. I don’t feel I will fail in the transition, but perhaps many others will struggle and need my help? I feel I started this transition some time ago and many have not even begun. I especially feel the youth are sensitive and struggling.

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Tossing Pebbles – October, 2013

white-stones--pebbles_19-131295I never know when I will get a “visit” from one of my guides. It is always nice to have one, but they don’t seem to come when I want them to. Instead, they “pop” in for a visit and then I never know when they will come by next.

When I say visit, I don’t mean via dreams. I pretty much expect my guides to visit my dreams. There really aren’t too many dreams in which I can’t identify one or more of my guides. If the dreams are lucid or turn astral then it is always wonderful to be conscious of their presence. Unfortunately, when I am busy like I have been, consciousness in dreams or astral travel are few and far between, although I do think I am more lucid in my dreams than most people.

The kind of visit I am referring to in this blog is when one or more of my guides is closer energy-wise than normal and make their presence known. This is done when I am fully conscious, not in the dream state or astral. Typically my guides are back from me. It is hard to explain but it is like they are near by but not close enough to grab my attention throughout the day. They stay back at the edge of my consciousness. When they want me to see/hear them, they move closer. It is like they hide in the shadows of my mind and then, suddenly, they come into the light where I can see them.

This morning one of my guides decided to come into the “light” from his usually peripheral position. I do not know his name (couldn’t understand it) but he is the newest of my team of guides. He came not long ago and has been lingering in the background for some time. When he came closer I saw a visual in my mind of an unimposing man sitting on a large boulder near a stream. His energy was very comforting and inviting and I felt at ease when I first saw him. I was not really surprised, which in itself caught me off guard. As he was talking to me, I saw him tossing pebbles at a stream. When I would focus more on him, his attention seemed to be on the stream and not on me, though I knew this was what he wanted me to see and not necessarily true. Though I could see him sitting there on the rock tossing pebbles, I could not see his face clearly. Again, he seemed to want me to focus on his actions more than on his features. I do recall that he was wearing a long, nondescript robe or cloak.

Quiet Conversation and Future Predictions

He began talking to me like an old friend would; as if he had always been there and had known me for a long time. He asked questions and conversed with me this way for some time this morning. I lay in my bed wide awake, but calm, listening and answering his questions and asking questions of my own. It has been so long since I have had a conversation like this with one of my guides. It was nice, but I was cautious. He sensed this and asked me why. I told him because the last time I got use to talking with a guide it led me to almost losing touch with reality. He was amused by this and simply stated, “You have changed”.

Strangely, the entire subject of our conversation centered upon change. Not just my change, but the Earth’s changes. He did not instruct me to share what he told me with others, but I feel it is appropriate because the information is not just for me and it seems selfish to not share it.

One of the first things he said to me was “The poles are shifting”. I understood this to mean the Earth’s poles and he confirmed this to be correct. However, he also said my poles were shifting. I didn’t understand and so questioned him as to what this means. I am aware of the chakras and the energy-systems of the human body and inquired if this is what he meant. He said, “Yes, but it goes deeper than that”. I still did not understand. He said that it meant a change to “the human mind and the heart of man” as if the two, humans and man, were different. This intrigued me but I still didn’t understand what he meant. Poles? Do we have poles? And if we do, where? And what does it mean that they are shifting?? As if to answer my thoughts he continued on about the future of Earth. He told me that the government of the United States would go through some major changes in 10 years, around the year 2022-2023. I immediately thought, “Ah, hind sight is 20-20” and giggled. I am not sure why I laughed but I felt so relaxed with him, like I was in a different state than is my norm. He caught me as I wondered why I was so different, so at ease and feeling good. He asked, “Why are you feeling good?” and I searched for an answer but could not find one. “I don’t know”, I replied. I just felt, good. In reflecting on this now, I am wondering if the way I felt during this conversation is connected with this shift he was mentioning?

He went on to tell me that when I was gone and my children were grown that the Earth would be far less populated then than it is now. I recalled a long time ago hearing about a massive outbreak of a virus that would decimate 100’s of thousands of people in the United States. He nodded in confirmation at my thought but would not say that this was the crisis he was speaking of. I thought on this news and wondered out loud, “Why are you telling me this?” He replied, “Because you need to know”. Then he paused and said, “There are others like you. You are not alone”. This distracted me for a moment. What is he talking about? He did not elaborate, but just left that there for me to chew on. I immediately decided to not accept what he said as I did not want to get caught in the “You are special” trap. I finally replied to him, “I am not special” and he chuckled and replied, “It all comes down to you”. This was a message he gave me not long ago and I considered it again, still not sure what it meant. I left it, as I did not want to fall into an endless circle of questions and odd, unusual and cryptic answers.

I got back to the topic of loss of population on Earth. I asked why, of course, this would happen. He said, “Everything is up to chance”. I disagreed. He sent me a questioning feeling and I said, “Don’t we plan it all this way?” and he said, “Yes, but we can’t know everything. That would defeat the purpose”. But then I suddenly knew we could predict the future very well and he said, “Yes, but it is only a prediction”. I questioned this, seeking more information. He said, “It is all very predictable, but it isn’t. There is chance and their is choice. They are different things”. I suddenly knew he was referring to the Earth and the cycles it goes through. This is what cannot be definitely predicted? He answered my thought, “Oh it is very predictable”. Confused again he went back to my original question about why the population would be decimated. He again said, “It all comes down to you”. I decided that what he had told me meant that although we plan our lives to go a certain way, there is the element of chance involved and we know this when we make our plan. Chance is what keeps us challenged and tests who we are. Without it, what would be the challenge of this game? My disgust at the term “game” brought a comment from him: “Yes, it is a game”. I responded, “Can I just sit it out and watch?” “Yes”. Then I wondered, why do I keep coming back? He was quiet as he knew I already knew the answer. I wanted to know for sure that I would react the way I thought I would. I wanted to test who I was. Each life gave me more certainty and thus each life had more certainty. Interesting.

Again I went back to wondering why there would be so much change during my children’s lives. He reassured me that I would not be alive when the population decrease occurred. I asked how much it would decrease. At first I hear 1 million. This felt off to me and so I asked for a percent of the population that would be gone. He said, “4%”. For the U.S. alone this is over 12.5 million people gone!

I was silent after this, not sure I wanted to know more. He did not respond, just kept tossing pebbles at the stream in my mind. I noted this and said, “You are tossing a pebble”. He said, “Yes”.

12.5 million people is a lot of people and this is just the U.S. For the world, a loss of 4% of the population is over 287 million. That is almost the entire population of the U.S. today. I wonder how many people it will be in the future considering that the number of people will just continue to increase from now until this predicted event will occur?

Strangely, despite the shock of this information, I remembered the dream I had prior to finding out I was pregnant. In it was this old man who was telling me about the future of my grandchildren. The picture he painted was very different from today. The world was peaceful and much more environmentally aware. Transportation was very changed. Though I was not told what it would be like, it felt like the burning of fossil fuels for power would be stopped. The feeling of this future was peaceful and happy. Before that period, however, there was “much conflict”. Would my children be harmed? Why would they want this for themselves? I was a bit horrified, my maternal instinct kicking in. He reminded me quietly, “It is their choice”. True. It is not my plan, but theirs.

Throughout this discussion I was being interrupted by my life. My son was crying, my husband was in and out of bed and all along I was in this state that, though a faded memory, was very familiar. When in this state it is like I am in “tuned in”. Like my ego is asleep and the real me is completely in control. It is a feeling of certainty and control. I like it.

Eventually I got up and went about my day. As I got out of bed, I still saw my guide sitting on a boulder, tossing pebbles. In my mind I think about its significance. Are we all but pebbles being tossed into the stream of life? Or do the pebbles signify something else? Choices? Chance?

The dream symbolism of tossing pebbles is that they represent feelings of being hurt by things that seem insignificant. Pebbles in themselves represent minor difficulties and annoyances in life. So perhaps what my guide was trying to show me was in fact all about change and chance.

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The Trickster – August, 2011

I started back to work this week and my sleep issues disappeared as suddenly as they appeared. I am sleeping wonderfully. I am also having very vivid dreams.

All week I have had these vivid dreams. They have a common theme: change and handling change. Last night’s dream had a lot of water in it. Whenever I have dreams with a lot of water in them I know emotion is involved.

In my dream last night there was a large pond in my back yard. I remember that the water was receding and then it would surge forward and then recede again. I watched it and even threw a baby toy into it and watched it disappear under the surface. Then the water receded again and I went out to retrieve the toy only to be overcome by the water which forced me to retreat. Strangely enough I was walking on this wooden grid rather than the bottom of a pond and I remember commenting that it was my “bed”. It felt at times that I was becoming lucid in the dream because I would go from a dream-like state into a more awake state, very aware that I was dreaming and laying in bed. Thus, the feeling that I was in my bed rather than in the pond.

Eventually I shifted my attention from the pond in the dream to around me. I remember looking in the distance at the hills and I could see very clearly a cow walking along the hillside. It was as if I were using binoculars or something because I could see the image within a circular frame. The cow symbolizes tranquility and having a passive nature. It can also symbolize maternal instincts. This makes a lot of sense to me since my main focus has been on my children for almost four years. It just so happens that my disconnect from my spiritual gifts also came about at the same time.

Then I noticed to my right what appeared to be a a dog running. But no! It was a coyote with a collar on it!

That was where the dream ended and I woke feeling very distraught about my life, as if I needed to do something but I didn’t know what. The coyote in my dream did not surprise me as I saw one cross the road in front of me a couple of days ago and it did appear to be a domestic dog at first glance. The coyote is the trickster – things aren’t always as they appear to be. I am hoping this is a good thing, though, that I am dreading something that I need not dread. Because the coyote had a collar on it, perhaps he is trying to tell me that the feeling of being domesticated or controlled is deceptive.

I feel like I am going through the past a lot in my dreams; remembering how things use to be and what I did before to make it through. I know I am in a much  better place than I use to be and I am grateful for that. Life is full of abundance for me lately and I am fortunate to have the people in my life to support me that I do. I still feel a strange feeling about the end of this year, though. I am starting to look forward to Christmas.

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If You Leave

 

I awoke hearing this song this morning. It completely threw me because it did not go along with the dream I was having. The main lyrics I was hearing was the part at the end where it continues to say “If you leave” over and over. I could hear the “Oh, oh-oh” as well. I assume the message was from Spirit telling me they would like me to stay in this life a little longer.

Purpose

It is funny how every time I start wondering what I am doing here on Earth this life, I get an answer. Lately, the answers are much easier to recognize. Instead of just hints or intuitive hunches, I actually get messages in words or pictures. I have even recently received intense urges or impulses. To receive such a strong message along with an urge has only happened one other time in my life, so it is a very rare thing indeed (for me). It makes the messages very difficult to ignore and even the stubbornest person (that would be me) cannot talk their way out of it.

Yesterday the full impact of the visual message I received hit me. The title of the book I saw would not leave me – The Nurturing of Innocence. That is powerful! I could not stop saying it over and over in my mind, as if I was tasting what it would be like. I also had ideas hit me. I won’t go into detail about it but I will say that those ideas have come to me before.

I was unsure about my eldest and what I would do with her until we had a talk. I decided to not mess with a good thing. She likes school right now. She is excited about learning. To pull her out of a scene she likes, when she is doing so well, would not be ideal. So I told her that the minute she stops feeling excited about learning, to tell me. She agreed.

Stolen

I had more vivid dreams last night. The first one had me feeling nervous. My family and I were going on a trip together. As we were leaving, I discovered that I had lost my debit card. I later found that all my credit cards were also gone. I spent most of the dream trying to figure out what had happened, retracing my steps to see when someone could have taken them. It came down when I had left my things in a hotel.

The hotel had been temporary. My husband had just gone into a room and stored our stuff without paying for it. I remembered leaving my purse on the bed when we went to eat. The cards had disappeared after that and I blamed my husband for not doing the right thing and paying for the hotel. I was also concerned about identity theft.

In one particular scene of the dream I sat waiting to leave with my “family”. We sat outside, no home or place to call our own, and I felt I had nothing left. No money, no home, no possessions. The trip seemed not exciting anymore. I felt very disappointed and like a failure.

fairy_by_brandrificus-d5b03o7Store

We ended up leaving and stopped by a store. I had suggested we get some food. We went inside and I had two children following me – a boy and girl – though they were not my children. I could not find what I wanted but the kids found some pets they wanted, tiny bug-like creatures. I went up to one and looked at it closely. It turned into a beautiful fairy-like woman right before my eyes. We spoke, though I don’t remember what we said now. She smelled sweet and was rose colored. I put out my hand, asking her to shrink back into the tiny winged creature she had been, but she never did.

The boy had taken a cage with him and tried to get me to buy it. I told him no and he set it down. I saw what looked like a shell with something inside it but I still do not know what kind of “bug” it was. It did have a magical feel to it, though.

Betrayal

The dream changed and I found myself in a long, white hallway. It felt as if I were in a hospital but it also had a spaceship feel to it. I saw a little girl who was dragging her foot. She was very pretty and friendly and we spoke. She said she was looking for her mommy. There was again a very, pretty rose color about her, similar to the fairy I saw before.

After a little while the little girl said she had to go, her mommy was coming. A very professional looking woman came down the hall and a strange blue light, like a beam, hit her and the girl was sucked into it. Her and her mother became one and moved away. I noticed they were not alone and that they seemed oblivious to my presence.

Suddenly they began putting on masks. I knew they had been conditioned to withstand some kind of deadly chemical and masks were part of this. I watched as one took a breath with the mask, confident he would live. Unfortunately he began to gag and suffocate right before my eyes. I heard a woman say, “What a waste of money that was” and knew they had spent much time and money engineering these people to survive this poisonous gas.

That is when I awoke to the song, “If You Leave”.

wind_fairy1Interpretation

It don’t know exactly what these dreams mean, but if I put them together with the song they seem to indicate that I was having in-depth conversations with my guides about the prospect of me leaving this life earlier than anticipated. I feel I was being shown what failure would feel like in the first dream. Losing my identity was a big part of that dream, which is very much like losing hope and/or focus in life.

In the second dream I feel like I was being shown that there is still hope and that I will be helped. I was looking for food and, though I couldn’t find what I wanted, I was drawn to a mystical creature that filled me with fascination and curiosity.

In the last dream I feel we were discussing my concerns about the futility of life, how so much work seems to be needed for something destined to be a failure. There was an element of our oneness there, though, in that of the little girl who was forever connected to her mother.

Gecko

I have been seeing geckos in my house. In total there have been five. Gecko’s message is to pay attention to your dreams and listen to your intuition. Being my dreams have been so vivid, I figure they must be trying to tell me something. I am paying attention but I can’t help but feel there is a part of me making a decision that I have little control over. There is a feeling of dread attached to it, but it is very slight. I can only leave it to the divine as it must be something I am not yet meant to know.

 

 

 

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Skunk – June, 2013

gtotem_skunkFor the past week, skunks have been showing. I have not yet seen one, but nonetheless they are around. The first couple of times they were on the T.V. so I didn’t really take notice. Then this morning my mom comes over and says, “You have a BIG skunk coming toward your house!” She then told me where he was. When I looked, I didn’t see him.

Even though skunk has not made his presence known to me directly, I think I should take note of what he has to teach me. The skunk shows us how to be peaceful and when to fight back. Some key words are prudence, protection, confidence, awareness, effectiveness, good judgement, and awareness. The skunk reminds us to be calm and centered in times of stress and anxiety. It also shows us how to use our own better judgement about when to act in defense of ourselves. Finally, the skunk shows reminds us that what we think of ourselves is how other will perceive us and to be wary of how we present ourselves to others.

The skunk as a totem indicates the coming of opportunities which will bring out new respect and self esteem. He indicates lessons associated with increased sensuality physically, sexually, psychically, and spiritually. He reminds us to examine our self-image and that people are going to take notice. You can control how others view you – you are in control of this. This message is a good one for me, so I am grateful to skunk for sharing it with me.

Yesterday I spent the day in a haze. It is hard to describe my emotional state except to say I felt numb – emotionless. So it was no surprise that I broke into tears when I got home after getting some bad news even though the bad news was really trivial.

I have to stop holding in my emotions and putting up the front that I am okay. But I know better than to show the people I work with my emotions. They ask too many questions and I feel weak and exposed. I am told I need to talk to my husband more. I know I do, there just doesn’t seem to be any time to.

My sleep has been fitful to say the least. I wake up several times a night and then go back to sleep. When I wake in the morning after a night like this I feel lethargic and tired. So, last night I took something to help me sleep hoping it would help. It did, but I still woke up twice.

I don’t remember much of my dreams but what I do remember is confusing. In one dream I was visiting a woman’s house. She lived in the country and I remember seeing her home, a white single-wide trailer house, sitting amongst a green field that was fenced off from other parts of the land which was owned by the neighbors. When I got to the house there was a woman, someone I knew in the dream but I have no idea who she was. She had children and I remember seeing a very tall slide set up in the yard for her kids. I remarked that it was too high and was reassured that it was safe. We were talking about various things, most I can’t remember. One thing I remember is that my brother was dead – murdered. I felt like I needed to cover it up for some reason. The rest of the conversations are lost to me. I just remember that at some point, the woman, whose appearance was that of an older woman in her 40s with blonde stringy hair, turned into a man who was making sexual advances toward me. As I was giving into his advances I heard a male voice yell very loudly, “Hey! Stop it!” I woke suddenly and my heart was pounding. I tried to relax but couldn’t. I listened to see if someone in my house needed help, but it was quiet. Then I remembered the name of the lady I was talking to in my dream – Linda. Who is Linda?, I thought. But for some reason I felt I should remember the name. And, Why was someone yelling at me to stop? 


 I fell back to sleep and continued to dream about Linda. In this dream, however, Linda was a computer virus and I remember being frantic on how to rid my computer of this virus. I don’t remember the specifics of the dream, though. I was rudely awakened by my alarm. Again my heart was pounding when I woke up.

Part of me is kicking myself for taking something to help me sleep. I think my dreams would have made more sense if I hadn’t. However, I could not help but wonder, What should I stop? and Who is Linda?  


 I recognized that computers usually signify communication. I also recognized that I felt good this morning. My outlook was – is positive. I also was reminded that when I get good news, or when I am really angry, I tend to reveal too much and blurt out things that I shouldn’t. I was reminded of times that I have done this. So, I concluded that the dream’s message was: Be careful. Think before you speak. I also worried that the computer message was literal – to be careful about what I reveal online. So today I will be monitoring myself more closely and keeping my mouth shut more than usual. This message is very similar to what the skunk totem symbolizes. Hopefully I can avoid whatever pitfall I was being warned about.

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Turtle – May, 2013

Turtle has visited both my dreams and my waking life in the last 24 hours. I noticed him right away. The first sighting came yesterday on my way home from work. He was so big and stretched out that I thought he was a large lizard. I slowed down and looked closer and saw he was in fact a very large turtle. I immediately thought about how the shell protects the turtle and acts as a portable home. I also recognized that this turtle seemed to be on the move.


 Perhaps the turtle made a bigger impression than I realized because last night I dreamed of turtles. In fact, that part of the dream was probably the most vivid and I remember being curious about them. I thought, Why are there so many turtles? In the dream a lady was releasing the turtles into a lake near a pier and I was standing on the pier looking at them. It was a large turtle and many smaller turtles. I lost count of how many there were but it seemed like it was a mother and her babies. 


 Then this morning on my drive in to work I saw a large turtle in the middle of the road. This one was tucked inside his shell waiting for the cars to pass over him. I could just barely make out his nose poking out. I worried he would be hit and even thought  to stop and pick him up and put him on the other side of the road. But then I realized if he crossed he would be in a field. On the other side of the field was the highway. It seemed like he was heading for his death. 


 It has been a long time since turtle has popped up this often in my life, so I realized I should take note of the message he brings me. Turtle symbolizes endings and new beginnings. Turtle can also mean the completion of one phase that leads into a new cycle of opportunity. This new cycle will be more successful and include recognition. Turtle also can symbolize a willingness to begin a new cycle after the completion of a difficult cycle, a feeling of connection to the universe and one’s mission, travel, or a change in job or residence. Turtle reminds us to be patient, pay attention to the details and recognize that our hard work is about to pay off. It is important that if one has indeed reached the end of a cycle that the cycle is suppose to end and that one should recognize that they are indeed ready for this new cycle to begin. Turtle is slow and takes his time. This slowing down helps one take notice of that which is around them. Those who move fast and are impatient often make hasty decisions that could result in negative outcomes. Turtle reminds us to slow down so as to not miss important opportunities.


As I reflect on the message turtle brings me, I remember Steven telling me “be patient” and “wait”. I get a feeling that the time is not yet to make any decisions. Just this morning I thought I would just resign and not work anymore – I am tired of being concerned about my job and my future career. I just want to take a break. Summer break is fast approaching and I could sell my house and move and leave all this behind me. Then I read about turtle’s message and I think, “Not yet”. It is frustrating. I am not one to slow down and be patient. I want to move on already!


 But I will listen to this message and slow down. I will take notice of what is going on around me, listen to my intuition and trust that the direction my life is going is where I am suppose to be going. It will all work out and it will be what is best for me and those in my life who I love. 

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Totems: Geckos, Tarantulas and Owls – Oct, 2012

For about a month I have been seeing geckos of all sizes around and in my house. The first sighting came late at night as my family and I drove home in the rain. As we opened our garage door at least a dozen of the tiny lizards scattered up and into the garage. I remember commenting about how many there were. As time passed I began noticing them here and there, mostly hanging around the outside lights of our house looking to catch a meal. One night I almost stepped on a baby one in my house. I quickly tried to catch it but it was fast, hopping (not running) away from me like a flea. It was really hard to catch but I finally got it. Just in time, too because my 20 month old son was trying to step on it (he thought it was a bug). I caught it and cupped it in my hand and peered down at it. It was so tiny and nearly translucent, its tan colored skin so thin and fragile. I let my daughter and son see it and then let it go outside.

I have always thought geckos were beautiful creatures and I remember as a child  finding a dead one behind our piano. I grieved for the little creature. He was nothing but a skeleton but I remember thinking of how he might have looked alive and it saddened me to see him dead.

I found another blog that explains what the gecko totem says here. Gecko is about restoring order and preventing conflict by acting rather than remaining passive. He reminds one to pay attention to their dreams. This is significant to me in that I had decided to stay out of some family drama that has been occurring. This may not be the best course of action, however, because gecko reminds me that if I don’t intervene that the problem will continue and may get worse. Thank you, gecko, for reminding me of that fact.

Two nights ago a tarantula was on my front porch. He was very large and beautiful. I let my daughter come out with me to look at him. She wanted to touch him but we left him alone. Texas tarantulas are passive creatures who don’t bite but they are very sensitive and I didn’t want to stress him out.

According to this site, the tarantula reminds one to remember that the past affects the future. He also reminds us of the power we have to manifest, especially via our written and spoken words. Spiders are always a reminderA tarantula, Aphonopelma sp. Photo by Jackman. of the infinite and the spiritual. I enjoy seeing them in my life and dreams. I am grateful that tarantula came to visit me and my daughter and that we could enjoy his beauty.

By the way, you don’t have to believe in totems in order to receive their messages. I learned of them from a book by Ted Andrews called Animal Speak. If you are interested, I highly recommend the book. He writes that animals, birds, even insects have symbolic significance in our lives and can bring with them a message from our guides. If you notice an animal/bird/insect that is out of place, uncommon or in your path, it is a good idea to see what message it brings as it could help you in life. As you begin paying attention you will find certain animals/birds/insects visit you more frequently than others and you have a significant liking for them as well. These are your totems; your “other” guides.

The owl is one of my main totems, though he hasn’t visited me in a while. He is a very appropriate totem for me as he represents clairvoyance. My first face-to-face encounter with owl was when I was 8yrs old. My father hit one with his car and we all got out to see if he was dead. My dad reached down to pick him up and it clenched his hand, spreading his massive wings and flapping them. He definitely wasn’t dead! It was a Great Horned Owl and he was magnificent. I will never forget that encounter! I also had a familyPhoto: A great horned owl thrashing its wings of Great Horned Owls that often perched on my house when I lived in Montana. They are magnificent creatures!

My most recent encounter with the owl was a couple of years ago. He was sitting in the middle of the road that connects to our driveway. He just sat there and looked at me even though my headlights were shining in his face.

Some people grow very fond of their totem, (like me) collecting objects or figures of them, hanging pictures of them on their walls or researching them. I have a little owl figurine on my bookcase and use to be drawn to my grandmother’s owl pictures and statues as a child.

What is your totem? What message have they brought to you recently?

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The Nurturing of Innocence

My husband is out of town so my sleep was interrupted more than usual since I didn’t have any help with our baby. It seemed to makes no difference, however, to my dreams. I had a couple very vivid and detailed dreams last night.

vampire babyVampire War

This dream was very intricate. I could write an entire novel from the details of just this one dream! In summary, however, the dream entailed the events leading to and culminating in a war between vampires and humans.

I don’t know which side I was on but I think I was on the human side, at least at first. The beginning of the dream included the revelation to me, my family and other humans, that vampires lived among us and they were tired of being hidden. The vampires came after children first. Not only did they kill them but they also created tiny vampires out of them. In one vivid scene, a vampire baby was birthed by a vampire mother. This was a shock in itself because vampires cannot have children! Yet, in the dream, I witnessed the birth of a baby vampire and then the other vampires forced me to allow the baby vampire to feed on my middle son.

After this horrific scene, the dream continued with me and other humans running and hiding from the vampires. I recall hiding inside a home that was enormous and very elaborate. It turned out the home was of the vampire queen and that is where I discovered that a war had been waged against humanity. The vampires were winning, too.

In a particularly vivid scene of the dream, I recall a conversation I had with a vampire. I believe it was the queen. She showed me, in my mind, how it was pointless to fight them. I saw in my mind scenes of countless humans giving up and giving in to the vampires. All of the agreed to allow to be drained of blood and then transformed into undead, blood thirsty vampires. The numbers of humans left was very small and was shrinking. She tried to convince me that there was no sense in fighting the inevitable. I felt such a loss and hopelessness that when I awoke to my baby crying all I could think about was the scene where the baby vampire was drinking from my son. The impossible feeling of being unable to do anything about it hung over me as I held by baby and rocked him back to sleep.

Interpretation

I am not completely sure what this dream symbolizes, but the feeling it left me with was complete powerlessness. I felt so completely unable to do anything to make a difference in what happened; apathetic. The struggle between “good” and “evil” here is what really stands out. The “evil” could very well be death and the “good”, life. This makes the most sense to me after yesterday’s early morning OBE where I was asked “Do you really want to kill yourself”. The question has been haunting me and was likely what created this dream. The choice in the dream was about whether to succumb to “death” or to resist and continue on with “life”. I never made a decision in the dream. I just stood there in limbo feeling that I had no power in the decision and my fate was already sealed.

Accident

When I rocked my baby to sleep I was able to return to sleep quite quickly. Unfortunately, another disturbing dream awaited me.

In this dream I had agreed to watch my children as well as my two, young nephews who are 3 years and 1 year old. I recall getting the baby bag and all the supplies and saying goodbye to my husband and his brother. I stayed with the children and time passed quickly at first. Then, as it approached bedtime, the youngest of my nephews began wanting his bottle and I dug around in his bag to get it but could not find it. At the same time my other nephew got into some trouble so my attention went to him. He got hurt but I can’t remember how now. When I went to retrieve the bottle for his brother I reached into the bag and found that the 1 year old had been in it. I pulled him out and when I did two wooden stakes came out of his eyes. I was aghast and freaked out because his eyes were bleeding. The tiny wooden rods seemed to not have hurt them but I worried he would lose his vision. I called my husband who told m to take them to the hospital. I fretted over what I had allowed to happen, worrying they would blame me and make us pay for the hospital visit even though it was an accident.

Interpretation

When I awoke this time to my baby’s cries I was perturbed. Why was I having such weird, blood filled dreams? Also, I felt very unhappy about being awakened. Baby was inconsolable for some reason and this only irritated me further. But I finally got him to sleep by walking him in his stroller. I returned to bed a half hour later but could not sleep. 

The visual that stayed with me from this dream was the bleeding eyes of my nephew. The symbolism here is that there is some deep pain and internal conflict within me that needs to be address. To see eyes bleeding can also represent sacrifices and difficulties experienced in life. I feel this is very accurate for me since the previous morning’s OBE still haunts me even today and when I awoke from this dream I kept asking to sleep, not wanting to waken and confront the day ahead of me.

I Can See Clearly Nowview

What is really weird about these strange dreams and the feelings that come with them is that I keep hearing the Johnny Nash song, “I Can See Clearly Now” over and over in my head. This started yesterday afternoon and I could not get the song out of my head. Even as I fell asleep I was singing it over and over. When I woke up this morning it returned to me.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

My first thoughts to the lyrics were, “Yeah right”. Then I began wondering if perhaps it meant that things were going to get better. By this morning I figured the only thing that I needed to focus on was the first line since that is what I kept singing in my mind the most. But what is “clearly”? Does it mean that these feelings of failure and apathy that I am having are the “clear” part? If so, it sure doesn’t seem clear and there isn’t any sunshine to my day, that is for sure. Not even literally. An the “obstacles”, what are those? Life? Because all I see is more of the same and it bores me.

The Nurturing of Innocence

As I contemplated these things while lying in my bed dreading getting up, I began to drift back to sleep. I was shocked back into wakefulness by a vision of a young girl running through my line of sight. She had blond hair and was vividly bright. But she was lost the minute I tried to focus on her. All I could make out was her blonde hair and that she was wearing a dress dotted with daisies.

It happened again not long after but this time I saw the title of what appeared to be a book written out in front of me. It read, “The Nurturing of Innocence” in bold black letters that moved across my line of sight so close I could not avoid seeing them. With it came a knowingness that this was my job right now, though I rejected it immediately and went back to hating my life and its boring predictability.

Now as I contemplate the message I was given, I understand that my initial thought that this time in my life right now is meant to be devoted to my children was correct. I knew this when we put our house up for sale. I knew this when I left my job. I knew this when we moved into our new house. Yet I feel so bored with it now and I do not know what I am suppose to be doing. Surely it can’t just be what I have been doing? Should I be home schooling? Should we be going on field trips together as a family? Should I be interacting with other mothers?

All the above sounds boring to me. Sigh. Maybe it is suppose to be boring? Maybe if I do it enough I will like it? And this dread of starting back to work, what is that about? Is it because I don’t belong there, or is there more “nurturing” to be had there that I need to involve myself in?

I can’t tell which is the true me and which is my ego creating these feelings. They are all knotted up together and making it very difficult for me to see clearly……Oh, maybe that is what the song means? Perhaps the clarity is coming but I have just yet to get to that instance when the “ah ha” moment hits me? Part of me guesses that will likely to happen once I start work.

220px-Bouguereau-LinnocenceWith the title of the book I saw still bothering me, I decided to Google it. Interestingly enough I found it linked to Homeschooling blogs. Homeschooling. Hmmm. I have considered homeschooling but have been too lazy and a bit scared to do it. I am not an elementary teacher. All my training has been with older kids. Yet even yesterday I considered it again because my daughter’s soon-to-be 1st grade teacher seemed to be sleep walking through life. I could see the brain dead haze in her eyes. Ugh!

This is one of the blogs I found: The Nurturing of Innocence and Naivete. What do you think? Part of me wants to go into the school today and withdraw my little girl before her teacher makes learning and life painful and miserable. Yet, a part of me says to wait and see. There are pieces of the puzzle yet to be revealed. Perhaps I have more to learn?

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Five OBE’s

I was awakened at 6:30am by my middle child looking for me. I did not want to get up but followed him down the stairs and saw that my mother-in-law had been at our home but was not there at present. Her stuff was there, though, and our baby was gone. I assumed she was out shopping and would be back so let my son play and went back upstairs. I asked my oldest, who was awake, to go down with him and I curled up in her bed.

First OBE

I fell back to sleep easily and suddenly found myself fully aware in the midst of a sexual dream. I was in my bed with my husband about to do “the deed” but when I looked up to see him this old, gray haired, skinny, wrinkly guy was staring at me with a smile on his face. I wondered who he was but couldn’t place him. He did not scare me until he pointed down to his manhood. When I looked down I saw this huge penis that had to be three feet long. I immediately popped back into my body and then lay there, eyes closed wondering what had just happened.

Second OBE

I must have fallen back to sleep and was immediately back OOB. This time my vision was gone and I was alone. I knew that I needed to open up my root chakra so my energy would flow better and I could stay OOB. I don’t know how I knew this, though. I felt around and found a wall and pressed up against it. When I did, I felt my root chakra activate a little but I tried not to focus on it. Instead I was just waiting, as if knowing something was about to happen.

I felt the familiar shift in energy that says I have moved from one location to another. I don’t know how this happened or when, it just did. I found myself in my bedroom again and immediately moved toward the door to leave. I do not remember the room much except that it was my bedroom. What is odd is that the bed was on the wrong side of the room.

stormcloudsI flew down our stairs to the living area below. That is when the lights seemed to come on and my vision became clear and vivid. Everything was shifty, though, as if it were not real and was in the process of being created. I saw my mother-in-law and two oldest children. I also saw furniture all over that was not ours. It very gaudy looking with large, print flowers in bright colors. I looked specifically at a loveseat that was green with tiny white flowers on it.

My daughter was yelling something at me, trying to get my attention. She was excited and running around me, as was my son. This is common and can be quite irritating but I just ignored it and looked for the front door. When I found it I intended to open it but never did, I just went to the other side of it.

When I went outside I encountered an unfamiliar scene. There was snow on the ground and I could see houses with pointed roofs spread out in front of me. I was in a subdivision but not the one I live in in real life. The houses were identical and also multicolored. Some pink, others red, some yellow, others blue. They were not as bright as the furniture inside the house, though. This might have been because the sky was gloomy and heavy with clouds. If I could have felt the temperature it would have been very cold.

I looked around for a moment and then lifted up and took flight. I didn’t know where to go, so I just hovered over the tops of the houses for a while. Then I noticed the one house across the street from mine was broken. It actually looked like pieces of a puzzle. I could see entire sections in 3D and see the furniture and fixtures inside each piece. I flew closer to inspect and tried to stop but I felt swept away by something/someone. I got a communication not to inspect the home that was without words. I ignored it, slowed down, and attempted to touch the top of one of the pieces of the home. The roof peeled away revealing another roof. The whole time I could feel my astral body being pulled away from the piece. I remember saying to the voiceless voice something about how it wasn’t right for the roof to peel away.

I guess I did the wrong thing because I felt the familiar pull back to my body.

Third OBEwhite kitten

I immediately intended to return and found myself back inside my bed in my bedroom. I could see the green colored covers of our quilt and a woman was standing next to me, talking to me. She presented me with a tiny, white kitten. I focused upon the kitten, feeling its soft fur and snuggling with it. I saw its tiny little eyes and ears and looked at its tummy as I scratched it. It was the sweetest thing! The whole time the woman stayed with me, talking, but I don’t remember what she said as I was too focused on the kitten. However, towards the end of petting the kitten I heard my daughter say, “She can’t have a cookie!” and I saw in my mind a round, sugar cookie. I also knew that the cookie was special and if eaten would take the person to glorious worlds.

Fourth OBE

Again, I felt the familiar sensation of returning to my body but immediately intended to return and so I did. I was again in my bedroom and rather than stick around for more kittens and talk of cookies, I flew up and out of my bed. I went to the window and could not see out of it. I set the intention to leave and the next thing I knew I was outside the house at the front door staring at the same snow covered ground and multicolored houses with pointed roofs.

I again flew up and over the tops of the houses. This time I was singing, but now I can’t remember what I was singing. I do remember catching myself singing and thinking how I was making up the song as I went. It made me smile.

As I lifted higher I made sure not to go too high, remembering how I would often times be swept up and out into space, which I didn’t like to do. I never knew where to go once that high and it always resulted in an end to my OBE. So I traveled over the tops of the houses until the scene changed to that of a city. I could see the gray colored rooftops of buildings spread out below me. Even though I was singing and happy, the scene continued to seem shifty and gray. If I looked too hard at something it would ripple as if the image were not real but just a holograph.

I came to a brown wood building, I think it was a church, and decided to settle down on the ground. I walked along the streets for a while and stopped singing when I spotted a group of thugs bullying a young man. There was about five of them, all wearing dark sweatshirts with hoods. They were also all dark complected. The young man they were bullying was wearing similar attire and was also dark complected. I could hear them shouting at each other and the leader of the group held a metal stick of some sort in his hand.

I immediately flew over and landed right in front of the group between them and their prey. I could see their faces clearly and looked from one to the other. The leader looked familiar to me and I recognized him to be someone I knew. I was shocked that he would be doing something so awful and remembered a similar shock I had when I knew him in this life. As I looked at his face, it shifted like everything else, but I remembered his name and felt sad for him. In real life I watched him change from a promising young man into a dark, angry one. I remember thinking it sad that he had all this light yet was allowing himself to be overcome with darkness.

I grabbed the metal stick out of his hand and yelled at him to leave the guy alone, telling him he knew better. The metal staff was in fact a fire poker and the pointed tip came inches from his nose. They all smirked at me but the leader backed off and the young man they were taunting took off in the other direction.

Fifth OBE

I stayed in the street for some time but what I did is lost to me. It seems that I lost interest in the OBE at some point, though, and came back into my body. I stayed there for a while, wondering what time it was and feeling an urge to wake up, but I was not ready to yet. I wanted to go back and look for my grandmother. Surely if I was encountering people in astral I could find her since she had been so close to me these last few days?

Within moments of setting my intention, I left my body and found myself standing once again at the door to my home. As I went through the door I thought, “There will be no snow” and sure enough I saw bare ground. Yet this time there was an eerie silence that surrounded me and everything. The sky was still gray but as I looked about the scene changed and the sky was blocked from my vision. Instead of being in the subdivision as before I was standing inside what appeared to be an atrium made of metal and glass that rose hundreds of feet above me. I could see that the structure was huge and completely enclosed. I knew I would likely find no way out.

I flew up, watching the gray metal beams continue despite how high I flew. I searched for people, for movement, but found none. All I saw were more metal beams supporting massive amounts of glass. I called out, “Nanny!” several times, but my voice just echoed, unheard.

At some point I reached the top of wherever I was. I felt hope then and soared up and looked down below me at the conglomeration of metal and glass. The sky brought more light to my vision and I recognized that I had felt suppressed, almost claustrophobic, up until this point.

Then I saw motion below me. I spied a woman with short, dark hair wearing a gray blue jogging suit running along the top of one of the metal and glass buildings. I flew down towards her yelling,”Nanny?”

When I reached her she stopped and looked at me. I saw her face, shifty like the others and like everything else. She at first appeared medium skinned with a deeply etched wrinkled face. She was definitely not my grandmother but she was old. I again asked, “Nanny?” She just looked at me and her face shifted to a lighter color but the wrinkles remained. I asked her, “Have you seen my Nanny?” She replied, “No. I haven’t seen anyone around here”. She mumbled something else and then looked straight at me and asked, “Do you really want to kill yourself?” Shocked at her question, I pulled back and away from her. Then I awoke suddenly in my body and immediately opened my eyes. I again felt a need to get up, so I did. It was 8:30am.

Reflection

In considering these OBE’s, I am certain I was in the lower astral plane somewhere. I was not in a horrible place but it was definitely not as wonderful as places I have been in the past. The part that sticks out to me the most is how shifty the images were. They appeared clear at first but the more I focused upon them, the more they shifted and changed. Because of this I feel that all of it was a reflection of myself, even the people I met up with. I don’t know what to make of my experiences this morning except that I was being shown aspects of myself that need tending to. I withdrew from the last experience the most because the question asked was so forward and unexpected. I wish I could have stayed and told the woman, “No” and explained, but I guess that was not meant to be.