Category Archives: shift

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Synchronization

This morning this was revealed to me quite suddenly when I responded to a comment on FB:

There is a major purging of karmic debts, past life and current life issues, going on right now. We are being encouraged to let go of old habits and patterns and move into the “new”. To do this we have to be fully present in our bodies and in the moment.

There are multidimensional cross-overs occurring. This happened to me all day yesterday, as if I was/am working on several aspects of myself and synchronizing them. I spent most of the day yesterday doing this and was aware of it happening as time kept hiccuping/slowing down/speeding up and in those moments things were revealed to be let go of.

I spent most of the day yesterday walking around in a strange state of in-between. Life seemed very dream-like for the most part. At times different aspects of my day would be suddenly very clear, as if they were plucked out of my “dream” and presented to me for analysis. When this occurred, it was like time slowed down and I was standing face to face with some detail or consideration for inspection.

Crying Baby

In one instance I was at Target randomly walking around, not really sure why I was there. I heard a very small infant crying and this caught my attention. Time slowed down.

I saw the mother walking with a very new newborn on her shoulder. From that point on, I was tuned to this child and his mother and the moments ticked by very slowly.

As I exited the store the mother was checking out and the baby was wailing louder and most insistently. The mother said, “We are leaving now. It’s okay” and walked out of the store. I followed behind, observing as she threw a baby blanket right over his face and he stopped crying.

I became overly concerned then that the baby would suffocate and I had huge sympathy for the baby. I watched as the mother walked to her car.

I contemplated this for a while. I felt “off” and analyzed why. What was it that was causing this feeling and this obsession with the baby? It was then that my memory was flooded with images of other babies, other lifetimes, other situations. I recognized this was being presented to me for inspection. When I let it go, the concern for the baby vanished and in its place was the thought, “Things like that happen all the time and they shouldn’t. Children are tossed away, put into trashcans, thrown into deep wells, slaughtered in front of their mothers. It doesn’t have to be like this. It won’t always be like this”. It was an understanding that humanity was ready to move past this; to take a stand. That I was ready to take a stand.

Synchronization

As the day progressed, the slowed time continued to occur in blips, each time revealing something for inspection. Communication came in knowingness and understanding. It was/is very surreal.

Later, as I watched T.V., I became suddenly tired, my eyes drooping and my head feeling heavy with energy. I wanted to watch my show, but it seemed I was being told not to. In fact, I got the feeling that I needed to lay down.

I finally conceded and went upstairs to lay down. When I did, I felt strong sensations in my body – physical ones that were unfamiliar and odd. Specifically, my eyes hurt. I wanted to shield them but even this did not help. I also had a strange feeling in my right side that is hard to describe. It was not in a specific place but it made every position I laid in uncomfortable. These sensations were especially noticeable if I laid on my back.

Eventually I must have fallen asleep because I heard distinctly: “Don’t question the question until it has been thoroughly analyzed”. This brought on full awareness and I could not settle back down. All the strange sensations had vanished.

It was only later today that all these events began to make sense. I am putting the pieces of me back together. They have been long scattered over many lifetimes, making the completeness that is me difficult to access in this physical incarnation. Each slowing down of time, each inspection of emotion and thought, each connection made brings back an aspect of the Self that was lost back into the whole. This is the synchronization of the Self. Piece by piece brought into alignment and made whole.

It is this completeness that is the goal.

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Odd Thoughts, Feelings and Sensations

After six weeks of eating vegetarian, I ate meat. As soon as I did I felt sick to my stomach and very, very full despite having not eaten much. When I lay down to sleep I had a strong feeling that my eating meat was going to affect my sleep, specifically that I would project. Turns out, I slept very well and awoke feeling rested which has not been the case all week. On top of that, I was able to project six times!

Interestingly, my projections were very unreal compared to my past experiences. They seemed fake to me, but I don’t know why. In the moment each occurred, they were indeed very real and very obviously OBEs. However, there was something that felt very “off” about all of them.

When I awoke from them I was not happy about having them. I have already written about the strong feelings I have now since having these projections. I feel that “someone” or some group of someones is purposefully trying to distract me from something through these experiences. I know this is completely out of character for me, but that is how it feels.

Odd Feelings, Thoughts and Sensations

For a while now I have been having thoughts of this life, this reality, being unreal. These thoughts are random and have been increasing in frequency over the past two months.

Examples of such thoughts:

  • I will look at the sky and feel very tiny, almost insignificant while at the same time feel to be watching myself from high above where I am three times the size of Earth. The resulting feeling is that I will disappear or disintegrate. Vanish. Poof!
  • Sitting with my youngest, I was fiddling with his hair and thinking how similar it felt to that of a doll. Then with this thought came a feeling that the experience I was having – the experience of motherhood – was not real and that all my relationships were similarly unreal. It is all pretend and the only reason for it existing at all was because I wanted it to.
  • At times my body will feel foreign to me. It is hard to explain but there is a sense that it is not mine; not me.
  • I also feel that I am being watched. By who I don’t know for sure. Sometimes I think it is Me and other times I swear I catch a glimmer of a person or a shadow moving past.

I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. I find it peculiar that my OBEs this morning had the recurring theme of death. In some my sister and mother were dead. In the last there were two heads poking out of the ground and I though instantly that they were dead. Is this a reflection of me feeling disconnected from this life and everyone in it? Is that why I had such a strange feeling when I woke up? What am I missing? What is happening to me?

I was warned that I would have strange thoughts and it is coming to pass. I was warned that I would feel different, similar to a newly hatched chick. I suppose that could be why my body feels foreign to me and why I am feeling so strangely alienated from my family; family whom I should have an overwhelmingly strong emotional connection to. It could be why I have such strange sensations in my body – I am overwhelmed by noises, the sun seems to sear my eyes and later in the day I want to keep them closed all day they are so tired, I have odd urges to be touched but at the same time I reject touch, I am anxious around people I don’t know and feel overwhelmed by their energy despite shielding myself from it.

On top of all this the line from a song is repeating in my head, “You’ve gotta take it on your own from here. It’s getting pathetic and I’m almost done here”. This comes from a Greg Laswell song, “Come Back Down“.

I am still not sure what the lines in the song indicates but it causes my heart center to pull when I think of it.

Whatever is happening, I hope the part of the song that says, “I’m almost done here” is a message that this will soon be over.

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Limbic System

While sitting on the sofa watching T.V. I had a sudden strange energetic sensation hit me. With the feeling came an all-over-body calm, as if I had taken pain medication and it had just taken effect.

At first I thought it was a download because it was centered around my head, but the sensation was not the same. This energy was wrapped around my head and shot down my spine, ending approximately halfway down my back between my shoulder blades. My previously sore neck was now relaxed and almost numb in comparison and my head felt expanded though it also had a strange numbness about it. The feeling reminded me of when I had a spinal block – my entire body seemed expansive and floaty.

I sat there in awe of the feeling, assuming I was receiving healing and grateful for it. I have never felt such intense energy in my head. I could specifically feel it in each of the lobes of my brain, specifically more intense in my right lobe than my left.

I enjoyed it for a while and then went back to watching my television show.

Then I was hit with an increase in intensity of the feeling and I sent out a query to my guide. “What’s going on?” I received back a feeling that all was well and to expect more of the same.

Focusing back on my show, which was a very serious (I was watching Fringe), I suddenly began to cry for no reason. There was a sudden sadness and a few tears, but they did not make sense – completely out of place.

I sent another query out, feeling a bit confused. I saw in my mind’s eye an individual standing in front of me and off to my left and felt from them that I needn’t worry.

Then I heard simply, “Limbic System“. I knew this system was related to the brain and I suspected it was linked to emotions. Sure enough, upon researching it I found that it was. Hmmm. This area of my brain has been worked on before (amygdala).

Currently

The energetic sensations are still present and I feel like I am a walking balloon-head at the moment. Thankfully, the feeling is calming and I am having fun pretending that I am merely experiencing some kind of spiritual “high” for the time being. The sensation makes me want to lay down and close my eyes and just drift off into dreamland. Of course, I can’t do that. Sigh.

I have to add that there came with this energy a strange feeling that this was E.T. related. When I asked what was going on, I sensed a being standing near me to my left. I could not see him and just assumed he was one of my guides. Yet, I connected seeing him to stories of alien abductions – I felt that what was happening to me was similar. I then immediately began to reject what was happening. I quickly calmed this part of me down, but it is still quite alarming if I think about it. This part of me feels quite violated for some reason. Why do I need to be “worked on” and to what purpose? Why is “someone” messing with my emotions like this?

It literally feels like I have been hit with some kind of energy beam from above. It is shooting into my head and down through my spine. My body is reacting to it like it would some kind of narcotic drug and my emotions are turning on for no reason.

All I can do is trust that all is okay. These sensations, these energy “bolts” from out of nowhere don’t hurt me or cause me to get worse. They seem to make me better and better and better. It really is quite surreal. Like something from a SciFi movie.

I feel like saying, “Beam me up, Scottie”.

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More Physical Manifestations of the Shift

With all the changes in energy and their effects upon me, I figure I should post the current manifestations I am having. If you are experiencing similar, please let me know. There is an intense building of energy right now that is creating these intense reactions and I believe this will culminate in the next Starseed activation period. According to my Council, the next Activation will occur with the full moon in the month of October. This does not align with what others are saying about the September full moon but I believe my Council over the predictions I have seen all over the net.

Physical Manifestations of the Shift

  • Anxiety
  • Dizziness
  • Increased heart rate
  • tingling sensations
  • heart chakra energy sensations/pulling
  • third eye energy sensations/pulling
  • root and second chakra energy sensations/pulling
  • spontaneous K rising up to lower heart chakra
  • energy helmet when doing yoga or meditating
  • vision changes – feels like I’ve entered a “dream”
  • sudden calm and/or feelings of joy
  • increase thirst
  • increase and then decrease in hunger
  • sleep disturbances – can’t fall asleep, toss and turn, strange dreams
  • feeling of being “done” with life
  • random thoughts that do not fit and are negative or fearful
  • difficulty controlling random thoughts
  • daydreaming – gazing at clouds or sky or staring into space
  • feeling of being shifted to this time/space from somewhere else
  • moments of intense clarity/knowingness
  • sensitive to loud noises

For me, the current changes are beginning to increase in intensity, especially the random thoughts that pop into my head. These thoughts are along the lines of fears and worries that are seeping out through my subconscious into my consciousness. For example, as I tried to sleep last night, my thoughts immediately went to my middle son and I had horrid images of him being molested and tortured by a man. I tried to push the images out of my mind and heard my Companion ask me if I could accept the possibility of that occurring (this was not that it would but that I need to accept that things like that happen all the time on Earth and it could happen to me). I completely rejected it and said, “I would shoot whoever it was in the head if they tried to hurt my child!” I fought back other images of similar torturous things that are done to innocents as well as a huge lump of grief and despair. I realized in this, though, that I did not have images of my daughter come into my mind, or any female children. With this came the understanding that such things have happened along my time track to my sons and others’ sons over and over and will need to be cleared in order to make this life more productive and end a long cycle.

There are other less intense random thoughts coming in, but I cannot remember them now. I believe the key here is to look at them objectively in order to recognize the lesson they come to teach. These are issues that are rising up to be released and the only way to release them is to take a look at them and allow them to teach you what it is they have to teach.

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De-Compartmentalize

It all started a few days ago. The clouds here in Texas were extraordinary, making the sky seem so vast and beautiful. I kept finding myself gazing up into as I was driving, willing myself to be in it instead of here on the ground. It was like this for four days straight and each time I could not take my eyes off the sky.

Then there came another phenomena along with this fixation of mine on the sky. I began to get ideas of being above the Earth and then placing a miniature version of myself into the globe. It was like I was a giant and shrunk a part of myself down and placed her in this environment. With this idea came the thought, “I put myself here to experience this” and I felt so tiny yet so big all at the same time.

That evening, I awoke knowing I had been working through the night. With this knowing came odd little tidbits of information that disappeared as soon as I tried to focus upon them. Later that day, I suddenly recalled with great knowingness what had been discussed. I knew without doubt that I had separated from myself, disconnecting from all memory of Who I Am, to be placed on Earth and have this experience. This was more than just a normal knowing, it was a sensation of Being. I recalled the feeling of the moment of this disconnect and had the knowing that I could undo it anytime I chose.

Yet again, yesterday, I found myself fixated on the clouds and recalled the idea of being shrunken and placed into Earth. As I rounded the corner and prepared to enter the highway to head home, I began suddenly aware of my thoughts, thoughts that had been going on without much notice by me. I had been thinking of my night’s work and discussions and knew that I was entering into a new phase as I merged onto the highway.

Almost as soon as I was on the highway I felt my right arm tingle as if a hand were placed upon it. Then, looking up at the clouds, I began to notice a dream-like quality to my experience and my vision shifted. I was unconcerned as I drove, though, having full faith in my Team of guides.

It was then that an energy began to form on the left side of my head. It expanded and remained as I drove. Then my heart center began to buzz with energy. This is when the song, “Come Home” was playing and I began to get tears in my eyes. I felt suddenly very sad as if my time here was drawing to an end.

When I got into the garage I lingered in my car in the dark as the song played. I took off my sunglasses but kept reaching to remove them time and time again because my vision was dark and tunnel-like and I swear I felt the pressure of the glasses over my ears and against my temples. Things seemed very dream-like and I kept thinking of the visual I had of seeing myself put down into a tiny Earth. How surreal!

Compartmentalize and De-compartmentalize

Last night was yet another night of restless sleep. I awoke often and then struggled to return to sleep.

One of my early wakings was accompanied by one word in my mind: Compartmentalize. I wondered about it and knew it was related to the rewiring that was currently underway. I acknowledged it and then went back to sleep.

At one point when I awoke, my Companion was close and said, “We are in this together”. Imagine waking, not remembering your dreams and suddenly hearing this. What would you think? I got a bit concerned. Why would he say that to me unless things were about to get difficult?

I then thought of the word compartmentalize again and knew without knowing how that my Companion was referring to this process, but why? He said to me, “You are different. Do you feel it?”

I answered, “Yes, I do, but I am not sure how”.

Then he said to me, “We are in this together. Remember that. This is why we are here.”

I wondered what he meant and he replied, “Your thoughts will change. Your focus will shift. This process will be different”.

There came with these words a memory of the random thoughts that had been entering my mind lately. They come and I struggle to shut them down, when in that past it was easy. I knew this was an example of what he meant by this new “process”. I wondered if I would go crazy, but felt this was extreme and unlikely.

Considering all of it, I asked if it was like what occurred in May and he said, “No. We are integrating”.

I finally got out of bed after tossing and turning for another hour. As I woke up, I thought again of the word compartmentalize but knew I had it wrong. It was the opposite. I was de-compartmentalizing. We were taking down walls.

Here is more information on what compartmentalization is if you are interested.

What This Means

Honestly, I am unsure what exactly all this means but I feel I was being prepared for it over the last few nights. The energy has been intense and shifty – one minute calm and the next minute very turbulent. Thankfully my reactions have been bearable thus far. The panic that comes from the sudden onset of dizziness is controllable and does not last long. I have a fear of leaving my body at inopportune times and the dizzy spells trigger this fear. It really does feel like I am shifting OOB when I have these sudden shifts in perspective and am overwhelmed with dizziness. My vision threatens to blackout and I can feel myself leaving my body. Not fun when you are driving!! Who wouldn’t have a panic attack?

I suspect this is why my Companion told me, “We are in this together”. He wants me to remember this is the plan and to trust in the process. As I type this, though, I feel my heart rate increasing and my heart center is buzzing. I do not like the idea of not being in control of when I leave my body!

I am likely freaking out a bit and overreacting. Honestly, it is likely just simply that my thought processes will slowly be altered from their norm. This is much more acceptable. However, one must conclude that any change in brain activity has a direct effect on consciousness.

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Sensing Something…..Different

I just awoke and I feel discombobulated. It is almost as if every part of me has been pulled apart and then pieced back together and I awoke before the pieces had all been placed.

My sleep was fitful. First, I could not fall asleep and tossed and turned until just after midnight. Then, I kept waking up throughout the night from a feeling that I had a lot to do. The memories of the dreams are gone. All I recall now is that I was in the midst of scheduling and planning. Honestly, it feels like I was working all night long.

Usually after a night like last night I would awake upset, protesting coming back to this reality. This is not the case this morning. I feel fuzzy, as if I am drifting around above my body and a part of me is not fully connected. I’m not happy nor sad, just somewhere in between.

The only hint of memory I have of last night’s activities is a sense that soon I will be overwhelmed by life and all the things I have to get done. I feel like I need to scrutinize my daily and weekly schedule and toss out that which is not necessary. It is similar to a purging except this feels like a precursor to that. Maybe I was being warned?

Even stranger is that I recall odd and quite random thoughts popping into my head when I would wake briefly in the night. Some of these thoughts were about my daughter’s Ipod. I had loaned her my Shuffle and she lost it in the car. I thought of it and where it might be and there was anxiety related to it for some reason. Another thought was also about my daughter and her teeth. She lost a tooth early this year and the adult tooth is trying to come in but there is not enough space. The feeling with this was almost panic and trying to schedule her for an appointment. I actually heard my Companion intercede and remind me that it was not a big deal.

Now my thoughts are centering around whether to stay or leave my job. I decided I would stay until December and this felt fine to me. Yet, now that I am awake, I have the feeling that I should clear out my schedule and that my job may be the thing to clear out.

Above all else there is a sense that this disorganization and discombobulation is caused by the rewiring I was told is occurring. However, there is also a sense that what I am experiencing now is directly related to an energy or a source outside of Earth and directed at Earth from very, very far away. This energy, wave, or whatever it is, has been on a collision course with Earth for centuries and is just now within range that those of us sensitive to its wavelength are noticing. What this means for me, us, I am not quite sure. However, if what I am experiencing is any indicator, be ready to be knocked off your feet completely. If I am feeling this disconnected now, I can only image what this will do to me when this energy is at its full effect. I suspect I may go OOB spontaneously. Maybe that is why I need to clear my schedule? Hmmm.

Note: There have been very high levels of geomagnetic activity around Earth. Visit link.

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Download via the Heart

Once again I sense an energy shift. It is subtle. I would not have noticed had I not focused on my heart center.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude and my universe feels so large and expansive. There were messages streaming in and I felt so connected to the past, present and future all at once. It was – IS – all at once.

A friend had posted on FB a Bashar video. I am not sure why, but I listened to it. The minute Bashar began to speak, my third eye lit up and I had memories hit me all at once and suddenly yet at the same time it was as if they had always been and I had never forgotten. Here is the video in case you are curious (thanks Karin!).

The memories included recent events that I had never consciously acknowledged. Some came from dream conversations lost after a night of deep, wonderfully healing sleep. Others came from a deep, inner knowingness that I have always had but my conscious mind does not wish to confront for fear that they might be true.

I believe the Bashar video was there to confirm that my memories and my understanding of other me’s (inter-dimensionally) whom I have met and interacted with are in fact what I have considered them to be but would not allow myself to accept.

The me who came into my consciousness in May, the one who revealed my Starseed origins and introduce a level of bliss that I did not think existed, is in stasis somewhere and learning via incarnations, preparing via this incarnation and communication and connecting with the Earth me, now in this time. The explanation Bashar gave of how he communicated through the channel Darryl was so similar that I could not dismiss it.

Also, his description of himself – gray, bald, short – brought instantly a memory of an OBE in which I stared in the mirror and saw looking back at me an image of a similar being.

While all this information was registering and clicking into place, I felt the familiar downloading sensation that indicates a channel is opening. Yet the sensation was not in my head but…in my heart. And the more I let it flow, the more it surged up into my throat creating a feeling of a need to swallow and an emotional surge upward that caused me to want to cry with joy.

And although I have been sad these last few days, weeks even, for the loss of connection with this Higher aspect of me and the amazing bliss that it brings, I realize now that I have entered completely into a new stage of expansion. The resistance I had been feeling originating, of course, in the Ego, and preventing me from feeling the new experience and integrating it wholly.

The “I am done” knowingness scared me and made it seem that there was no more adventure to be had. But I see now that the adventure is here and that the connection is here in the living. It is not living like I was before. This is a new kind of living.

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Spiritual Training

As this day unfolds more and more of the conversation I had with my Companion last night comes back to me.

Spiritual Training

I am currently in a period of spiritual training, one in which I am re-developing spiritual abilities long lost or gone very rusty. The analogy was presented to me of that of weight training, probably because that is what I am doing for my physical body at this time. It was asked for me to consider how weight training works. I responded that you increase the weight for different muscle groups in order to strengthen the muscle. It takes months of repetitive motion, of lifting increasingly more and more weight, for the muscle to respond and grow in size. One also has to eat more and supplement with protein to make sure the muscle has the right nutrients needed to respond to training.

Similarly, we must train spiritual abilities that have long gone dormant for lack of use. We must be routine in this training and not slack off for to slack off and grow lazy in such training will quickly lead to the deterioration of ability. Like muscle, our ability must be strengthened over time and nourished from within.

Empathy: Friend or Foe?

I had a dream last night that related to this analogy.

I entered a room that I vaguely recognized. Laying on a table were two bugs of marijuana, as if to remind me of drug use and its effect on one’s spiritual ability.

Then a young girl dressed in orange and bound in handcuffs came out a side door. She was frazzled and nearly ran into me. I was carrying my littlest in my arms, but he was much younger, perhaps 4 months old. Her face touched him and she smiled. I instantly felt sympathy for her and began talking calmly with her.

“You like babies, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she replied.

I let her touch his chubby arm and briefly she seemed happy.

She began to look nervous and was looking around as if to find a way to escape. I looked at her closely. She had freckles and long, thin dark blonde hair. She was about 4 inches shorter than me.

She looked me in the face and said, “You know me, don’t you? Why don’t you give readings anymore?”

Not surprised, I answered, “I can still, but I don’t. You don’t need a reading. You already know”.

She didn’t seem convinced.

Then two men came out and began to transport her away. She resisted, trying to stay with me. I leaned forward and told her, “You’re an empath. You can tell what I am thinking, feeling. You feel the answers”.

They began to take her away and I called out to her, “Being an empath can help you! But be careful, it can also hurt you”.

Considerations

Only just now did I put the dream and the analogy together. They seem important, as if the spiritual training is needed in this area or else there will be consequences.

Empathy is telepathy here in the physical. Honestly, I think as we develop the gift further we will be fully telepathic. Unfortunately, at this time the gift is untrained and poorly utilized. The Ego misinterprets the signals and disbelief is rampant.

I was born empathic and I suffered greatly from it in my youth. I did not know my feelings from the feelings of my parents and during their divorce my life became a living hell. That was when I first started wanting to go Home. I use to say over and over, “I wish I was dead”.

I continued to feel others thoughts throughout school. I isolated myself to protect myself. This technique worked but I became bitter and angry. People’s words did not match the feelings they sent out. Everyone was lying!

As an adult I have grown use to this hypocrisy. I have learned, by chance, how to differentiate my feelings and thoughts from those around me. I am not perfect at it and there is much to be learned. Apparently I am being reminded that this spiritual “muscle” needs building.

The intense energy of the Shift is wreaking havoc all around. I had thought I was impervious to it, but I am thinking now that I am not. Not at all. The negative energy, the thoughts and emotions, they are bombarding me more than ever. A closed heart does nothing to stop the bombardment. It infiltrates even the most impenetrable defenses.

I believe this message was given to me so I would not be so hard on myself. There is a reason, an explanation, for all the crazy changes lately.

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Lucid Dream: My House

After a rollercoaster of a day caused my blood sugar fluctuations, I went to bed on a low asking for assistance from my Team.

Lucid Dream: My House

I began to gain lucidity while walking into a room in a house that I knew was mine. The room was mostly empty except for some bags on the floor near a closet that were partially unpacked. I saw some clothing on the floor and walked past it toward a dark haired man who was sitting on the floor in the closet.

I knew this man but was not 100% familiar with who he was. I sat down next to him, cross-legged, about two feet away. He was also sitting cross-legged as if meditating. Perhaps that is what we were doing?

During this time I had thoughts and knowingness about this man. I knew we didn’t talk much; our conversations were without words through a deep connection. Yet I felt distant from him and hesitant to interact with him, even without words. There was a memory of us being separated and using our deep connection to stay in touch.

I remember looking upon him fondly with recognition. My conscious mind tried to match his face to my memories. He appeared similar to an ex-boyfriend of mine and the feeling that came off of him was calm and reassuring, similar to how that ex use to make me feel when he hugged me.

Then I was watching this dark haired man from a distance as he interacted with a friend. I was at first jealous and suspected him of cheating on me, but then I saw that the woman he was interacting happily with was quite pregnant. She seemed near the end of her pregnancy, her huge stomach draped in a vibrant, dark blue maternity blouse.

Relieved, I continued to watch from a distance, gliding through empty rooms and cream-colored walls. There was a feeling that I had been away for a long time. The feeling was similar to when a loved one moves overseas to a distant land and has been gone for twenty or more years.

I entered a room, finally exposing myself, and stopped a woman and said, “Why are you in my house?” I don’t think it was the same pregnant woman but am not sure because as soon as I spoke to her she vanished.

Then I spotted the man in the closet, this time standing. When I saw him I immediately went to him and he outstretched his arms. I saw his face shift at this time, the jawline becoming more square and prominent. Did he look like Robin Williams?

He said to me very audibly, “You have’t been yourself lately”.

In that instant I felt ashamed. I said, “I know. I’m sorry”.

A flood of images came into my mind but most are lost to me now. All I can recall now is that I remember being hermit-like, shunning social situations with others and rejecting the emotional connection with family.

I fell into his arms and felt an amazing relief rush over me. The feeling was that I finally came Home and could relax because now I was safe and would always be cared for. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

Conversation

The hug caused me to fully awaken and I immediately grieved for the loss of the feeling I had just had.

“I want to go back”, I told him.

I knew that the man was me, my Higher Self. I also knew the other characters were me as well, even the pregnant woman.

The image of Robin Williams came on strongly this time. It was his face I saw in the dream. Does this represent my current state? I thought again about the message I received the night before: Rewire-Retrial.

It was obvious that I had entered once again a state of emergency and so my Companion had initiated contact. This time I was resistant and angry, all the feelings rising to the surface.

We talked for about an hour as my Companion reassured me that this was not a real emergency, just a downward spiral that needed correcting, which was easily done. I did not feel this way, of course. I explained that I was tired of failing to stay centered; the rollercoaster was getting tiresome and every contact with him caused the homesickness to worsen and abandonment issues to arise. I didn’t understand why I would torture myself like this.

He repeated over and over that he had never left and asked if he could help me. I rejected his offer initially but toward the end of our discussion I finally gave in and accepted it.

He told me that I needed to let him take the reigns once again. I felt like a failure for ever taking them back. He reminded me of advice I had given to a student just the day before: “If at first your don’t succeed, try, try again”.

I asked him if the process would be like it was in May and he said, “Not this time”. I understood this to mean it would be more work on my part; it would not just be something that happened as easily as it did before.

When I awoke in the morning I felt him near and he asked me if I was ready and I responded that I was not sure. I am still not sure I can do it. It seems like too much work.

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Light-Headed Low Blood Sugar Blues

Yesterday was yet another not-so-good day.

Light-Headed Low Blood Sugar Blues

I am two weeks into my new workout regime which consists of strength training and cardio 4 times a week. My goal is to gain muscle and lose fat. I have a personal trainer every other week, so this week I am on my own.

This workout started with 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer. About 15 minutes in I began to zone out and feel faint. Right as I ended the workout I had to get off and walk around to shake off the jitters.

I heard my guide say, “You are not grounded” and this made sense. So I did an ab circuit and after I felt good enough to do the rest of my workout. However, by the time I got into the car to drive home I was shaky again and had to eat a protein bar. Thankfully it worked by the time I got to the grocery store.

These episodes are low blood sugar episodes and I am very familiar with them. Unfortunately, they trigger mild panic attacks and I hate those. My heart felt weird, like it does when the chakra is activated, and this is hard to ignore. I was talking myself down from panic most of the drive to the store.

The rest of the day I ate like a never-ending pit. Yet the low blood-sugar blues hit me hard in the evening. All this means is that I get irritable and cranky, tired and quick to anger. I ate and ate, hoping to fix the issue but it seemed not to be enough. I was absolutely awful last night because of it.

I lost my temper so many times last night I have lost count. Everything set me off. Then things kept going wrong.

My youngest was in a strange mood, crying and going into a rage when I would not pick him up. He got so mad at me that he started ramming his whole little body into a door to show me how mad he was! He cried endlessly for over an hour even when I held him.

My son’s endless tantrum throwing caused me to be late to the bus stop to pick up my daughter and I got a call to come pick her up at the school. My MIL went to get her but was late and that made us late for my daughter’s eye appointment. Then the eye appointment dragged on and on well into dinner time. Turns out she needed reading glasses (WTF?) so we went to get some for her at Wal-Mart and so did not eat until well after 6pm.

This delay of dinner time was the last straw. I guess my body just is not adapting as well to the changes imposed upon it. I will have to plan better in the future!

BTW, it’s Normal

It is normal for one’s metabolism to increase significantly when they start a weight lifting routine like I did. In two weeks I have lost 4 pounds despite increasing my caloric intake from 1600/day to 2100/day. I am now going to have to increase my calories to 2300/day. This is very hard for me to do and I actually gag on food because I get so tired of eating it. Hopefully my metabolism levels out soon!

Yet I suspect that all this physical change mixed with the spiritual changes I have been experiencing is the cause for the significant reaction I had yesterday to an otherwise “normal” workout. I was told a while back to lay off the intense weight lifting and I did at that time and felt recently it was okay to resume. I still feel it is, however, I think more needs to be done to make the transition less bumpy.