Category Archives: shift

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Rewired

The 180 degree shift in perspective I experienced on the 1st was brief. It barely lasted 24 hours. The day after was difficult with me falling back into pessimism and doubt. It didn’t help that I stupidly drank some wine so I ended up with only 5 hours total sleep.

Events from Yesterday

It actually started the night before last when my husband got mad at me because I wanted to be alone and he didn’t. He saw this as me “rejecting” him and went into a “tantrum” of sorts. The last thing he said to me was that he thought maybe we should consider “other” options for our marriage. These kinds of phrases are becoming more and more his weapon against me and I should have known it was nothing other than hot air, but it bothered me nonetheless. This, along with the one glass of wine I drank kept me up until 1am.

The next morning I awoke grumpy and went to work without incident. The day went fine but I could not shake the unease caused by my husband’s words the night before. I spent the day thinking about my life and what I wanted to keep and what I didn’t want to keep. Sadly, I was ready to throw it all to the wind and this bothered me immensely. Where was my heart in all this? Non-existent it seemed. Note: Apparently Venus retrograde invites reflection upon relationships to determine if they should stay or go but to hold off on the decision until after it goes direct. Venus goes direct on the 8th but I do not plan to make any changes.

When I got home it was like chaos had hit with a vengeance. My mother-in-law watches my two youngest during the day. She had been instructed to not let them upstairs unattended, but apparently she forgot and I discovered a pair of my eyeglasses had been twisted backward. Thankfully they were the old pair but my new, $400 pair was missing. I went searching and found them safe and sound but covered in little fingerprints.

What was really crazy is that my MIL had done damage all on her own. She had gotten a spoon stuck in the garbage disposal and somehow flushed one of my baby’s shirts down the toilet!

My remedy to this awful mess at home was to lock myself in my bedroom and do 35 minutes of heart-centered yoga. Ahhh!

Rewired

I went to bed wanting the day to disappear and asking questions of my Companion about the purpose of all this and how to fix it all. He responded, but I don’t recall now what he said (this seems to be the pattern these days). I meditated myself to sleep and had more strange dreams.

In one dream I was depositing a $5,200 something check. In another I went to an airport and found a black and white cat in a bag on the elevator. Then I was discussing going on a trip to the Caribbean but I could not take my “boss” with me. At this point I suffered extreme sadness and loneliness as I was told that this trip was a solo trip.

When I awoke I felt somber and asked why I had been told, “We will bring you Home” only to have not have this happen. I was told that Home was within me and that I had misunderstood the message. This, of course, only made me more depressed. It was explained to me that I was being “rewired” but at the same time I heard “retrial”. I felt them to be one in the same.

Strange Memories Resurfacing and Evaporating

Finally, I have strange past-life memories resurfacing at odd times. Mostly, I do not remember them after I have them resurface. It is like they are rising up out of me like smoke, disappearing as they escape. Sometime I can regain the memory, but this is unusual.

One such memory of remembering returned to me while driving. I suddenly remembered waking up one night and remembering suddenly that I had once murdered my own child by drowning him. The memory was not as vivid as the extreme guilt that came with it and I thought to myself, “I should be punished”. With this thought came my Companion’s words, “Haven’t you been punished enough?” and I recalled the life before this one where my own father had drowned me when I was only a child. With this memory came the realization that I have been holding onto the belief that I deserve to be miserable for what I did and that I have been punishing myself ever since. With this belief came also the belief that I was not a good parent. I saw the Karmic cycle and at first thought the child I had drowned had drown me in a later life. I knew this was not the case as it was the actual emotional loss that was cycling, not the relationship. Karma is not revenge, it is a self-inflicted purging.

This all occurred in mere seconds. The words of my guide seemed to help evaporate the feelings that arose within me and I fell asleep quite quickly upon their erasure, the memory of it gone as quickly as it arrives. Yet, it returned to me the next day only to again be lost. I only remembered it yet again when I began to fall asleep that night.

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Thank Heavens for September!

I don’t know about you, but the last few days have been heavy ones for me. The energy seemed stifled and often I felt trapped in a corner without knowing why. Strangely, I was able to remain pretty calm despite this. I could observe the storm brewing deep inside me and I let it brew but kept it from escaping – for the most part.

Then last night, at about 8pm CST, the storm was gone. The energy of it vanished and I felt myself rise up to a higher vibration almost instantly. It was a night and day experience. For the first time in a while my spirits were lifted and my pessimism replaced with a strange optimism. Since I was tired and preparing for bed, I didn’t try to analyze what happened, I just meditated myself to sleep.

I awoke 2 hours later quite suddenly. I saw that the clock said 10:40pm. “That can’t be right”, I thought. So I checked the clock in the hall. Hmm. It really was 10:40pm.

Exchange

Then next time I awoke it was from a dream in which I was discussing an affair I had with Tom Cruise (really not my type). I awoke in the midst of a strong energy rising through my lower three chakras. It had a strong sexual pull with it but was also quite distinctly something else. The energy, unfortunately, hit my second and third chakras in a painful twisted way, but was not so painful as to make me want the energy to stop rising upward.

I let the energy linger for some time but sent a questioning thought to my Companion. The reply was simply, “Exchange” and I knew that the old energy in these chakras was being exchanged for new energy. In my mind a longer explanation came to me suddenly. This exchange had already occurred in the upper chakras and “pain” from this exchange was simply the new energy breaking through old blockages.

Still very optimistic, I let my Companion know that I would be happy to have more similar experiences. The energy was pleasant and persuasive. I could feel the hope and optimism created by the 2nd chakra and willed it to expand. I have missed it!

Peaceful Optimism

After the exchange experience, I fell into a deep sleep and vivid dreams. Every time I would wake up, I felt to have been asleep for many more hours than I had. There was also a strange, heavy energy settled over my head similar to the energy helmet I am use to. My third eye chakra was also active.

The peaceful, optimistic feeling is still with me. Life no longer seems grueling and difficult like it has felt most of August. Relief came with September and I am truly grateful I persevered to this point.

Note: I began taking Maca root yesterday afternoon. Since this is my first experience taking it, I am not sure if it is the cause of this change in mood or if it is indeed an energy shift. It is likely both, but if it is the Maca then it is my new best friend. 🙂

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Something’s Up

Perhaps it is the solar flare activity again or maybe there is another influx of ascension energy (or maybe the two are one in the same?), but I can sense a shift about to take place.

It is hard to put my finger on the exact feeling, so it is hard to describe how it feels. What I will say about the feeling is that it is similar to being put on alert when there is an approaching storm; like a tornado warning. It is not all doom and gloom but more like there is a possibility that something will affect me and my immediate surroundings.

I am, of course, taking it all in stride. There is no immediate threat to me, if threat is even the right word. Like in a tornado warning, I am not concerned. We get them (tornado warnings) all the time in Texas and very rarely does it result in anything other than a thunderstorm. Similarly, I have been through many, many energetic shifts on this path of ascension and so I am use to nothing much happening.

Last night was when the shift in energy became most noticeable. I was watching T.V. and my attention was drawn away from the screen to my Higher Self and that was when the alert feeling occurred. Later, I did 55 minutes of Hatha Yoga and felt my head begin to buzz with energy. This was soon followed by my third eye. The energy then snaked down to my throat area and settled about where my thyroid is located. I became so relaxed during this meditation break that when the woman’s voice returned my entire body twitched because I had forgotten I was doing a video.

When I settled down to sleep I again felt the alert feeling and thought perhaps I would have one of my interesting and somewhat intense nightly excursions OOB. But nothing of the sort happened. Instead, I slept very deeply and had many dreams, one in which I met up with my ex-husband and then watched as streamers of light shot off into the starry sky over an ocean of blue dotted with tropical islands.

When I awoke the song A Rush of Blood to the Head was going through my head as was the song, Come Home. The latter was just the part of the song that says, “So, come home” and the former the part, “And they call as they beckon you on, They said, Start as you mean to go on”.

The feeling is still here today. It is something I just can’t quite put my finger on. So I stay on alert to whatever is coming.

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If This Were a Dream….

My schedule is filling up. I am working part-time, launching a new business and taking care of my kids on my days off. I am also back to the gym four days a week for an hour at a time. Additionally, my oldest has started back to school and all you parents well know that’s as much work for me as it is her. Finally, my husband and I are remodeling our master bath, the final room of the remodeling process.

This increase in “things to do” is generally not welcomed. I don’t like having to wake up early and it is hard for me to keep my thoughts on the present as I am always thinking ahead to what I need to do next. My stress levels typically rise as does my anxiety. In turn, my sleep patterns change and so I often lose the connection to my guides via my dreams that I so thoroughly enjoy. Yet, I am finding that I am responding differently to all the change.

Despite all the things I have to do and places I need to be, I am quite calm in comparison to how I have been in the past. It has come to my attention in the last couple of days that the reason for this is that I am receiving inner guidance throughout the day. This, actually, is not out of the norm, we all receive such guidance. Rarely do we notice it as it comes via quiet suggestive thoughts and mental image pictures that are easily ignored. Typically I would also not notice it and mostly ignore the messages I receive; however, for some reason I am listening and heeding these messages. Mostly I have been doing this habitually without really noticing but just yesterday I suddenly became aware of it.

If This Were a Dream….

Yesterday, as I was winding down in one of my brief periods of time to myself, I recognized all at once that my vision was peculiar. After noticing my vision change I then thought how similar it was to be OOB. In fact, I got a very strange OOB feeling right then and there that had me thinking I was dreaming. In this brief time of noticing the messages seemed to flow in all at once; the floodgates opened as they have been doing for some time now.

In this particular period of time the message was a simple question: “If this were a dream, what wold you do?”

But of course, it IS a dream, but that was not the point. The point was to get me to remember that this life is a dream and to think of myself as the orchestrator of the dream.

At the time my thoughts had been on all the things I had to do in the future. I had been slowly redirecting myself back to present time but it was becoming a tiring and repetitive process since my thoughts were all over the place. I had to make a decision about my new business, one that I had been holding off on because of the amount of money involved and the potential for failure. With the question posed by my guide, this decision became very unimportant.

In a dream I would not worry about what was coming next. Instead, I would eagerly anticipate the new. There was not consideration about the past or the future, there was just the experience. I was reminded right then and there that it was the present experience that was the most important. What was I creating in that moment? If it was not what I wanted, then I needed to stop creating and create what I want.

And that is when my thoughts shifted to what I wanted and how this new business would get it for me. Instead of worrying, “What if?”, I focused on all I will have. The picture was clear in my mind and my mood elevated substantially. Then I was done and back in the moment, all worry about the upcoming decision gone. I knew the next move because I know what I want.

My Focus is Shifting

The biggest change of all is that my focus has shifted. I do not focus so much on when my next OBE will be, or when my next K surge or Team communication will be. My thoughts more and more are centered on my daily life and creation of what I want in it.

A significant shift has occurred at work. Last year I spent quite a bit of time distracted by spiritual topics and research. I had no interest in my job and even resented it. This year when my mind wanders to the spiritual it is like a curtain comes down and blocks those thoughts, immediately directing me to my work. This is good, I know that, but it is especially good because with this shift in focus comes a surge in creativity. For example, I spent most of my free time at work researching lessons and planning out a 14 week social skills group. The best part is, I enjoyed every minute of it.

Clean it Up

A final note and I will end this post. I have been given a vision many times now of seeing a room strewn with toys or other clutter. With it comes a strong urge to clean it up along with an irritation of having to do so. At first I thought this was just me irritated about having to constantly clean up after my children. But this morning, the vision came as an answer to why I have been having so many breaks in the spiritual process I am going through.

The message was clear that I am cleaning up the messes, tidying house, sweeping away the debris. All this is necessary and repetitive, similar to real life. Healing is a continual process of renewal. Entropy is the word for it and it follows everything that exists in the physical, even us.

Do not get caught in complacency for it breeds decline and you won’t notice it until you have sunk well into chaos.

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Vibrations and a Message

My days have been quite busy because I have decided (based upon a strong nudging) to focus on counseling while at work and to focus on family and my side-business when not at my job. I also felt inclined to visit my local Gold’s Gym and resume my strength training regime which I have slacked on since I became pregnant with my third child. Starting up the 4-day-a-week training schedule will take up much of my free time but allows me time to myself, away from the demands of my stay-at-home routine.

Despite this total submersion into physical reality, there has been a switch flipped it seems and my Companion is much closer and communicative. I barely notice the messages when I am busy but when I have down time the feelings, urges, and messages seem to burst through all at once as if they have been held back by a dam.

Last night the floodgates opened when I was watching T.V. We have Netflix and I, like many others, have found it very convenient to watch episode after episode without much break. Currently the show of choice is Hell On Wheels. I typically go into that wonderful T.V. amnesia period where the show takes me away from my present life and submerges me in a make-believe one. You all know what I am talking about. 🙂

So while in the midst of watching season 2, episode 4, I felt the distinct inner nudge that indicates my Companion wants my attention. When I focused upon it I instantly had a vision of doing yoga. Recognizing this, I sent back the thought, “Okay, after this episode”. Yet when the episode ended I started the next one. Funny enough, the episode wouldn’t play and so I gave up and went to my yoga site.

Vibrations and a Message

After doing a short Shakti yoga routine (intense!) I did some Hatha yoga to wind down. Then I went to bed.

I slept hard and had strange dreams of returning to a place I had not been to in a long time and watching a graduation ceremony of some sort where I congratulated on old friend on her accomplishment. I briefly recall it being Montana but then it did not resemble Montana much.

When I awoke it was suddenly to my body vibrating very intensely. These vibrations were not like those that I get upon exiting my body for an OBE. They were more like my entire physical body was shifting very rapidly and subtly. I have felt these kinds of all-over-body vibrations before, but it had been some time. I wanted to roll over and resume sleep but felt I should not. So I lingered on my back and let the vibrations continue, reviewing my dream messages because I felt I should know what had been discussed.

The vibrations slowed and then stopped and a message came through seeming to come from more than one source. The message was concerning me smoking my one cigarette at night before bed. They said, “You have to stop”. I asked why and was told, “It is interfering with the process” and I saw that the energy was being blocked. At this time my heart chakra began to light up with energy, as if to push the point home.

I asked if the process would continue if I didn’t heed the message and the answer I got was that it would continue but much more slowly. There was a sense of urgency with this response, as if the process needed to move faster, not slower.

I was then told, “You will be called”. I had heard this before and so shrugged it off thinking it just another cryptic message that made no sense to me. There was with it the strange feeling that comes with the other worldly communications I have gotten in the past, so perhaps this is why I shrugged it off – it is quite unreal to me. Yet the message was repeated as if it were very important. I still do not understand what is meant by it since “being called” can mean so many things.

I asked for help in stopping my one cigarette a day habit and then got out of bed. It’s my daughter’s first day of second grade so I could not linger and talk anymore.

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OBE: Visiting My Ship

This is a continuation from the last post.

I again found myself superimposed over my body but I felt buzzing energy around my head especially right behind my ears. My guide was close and pictures were flashing in front of my eyes. It was as if I were watching a movie screen that was projected just slightly in front of me on a circular screen. They were not hypnagogic images. I was scanning places I could go, as if seeing into different timelines.

Then I heard my guide say, “Remember who you are”.

The scenes suddenly slowed and one scene came into the forefront. I felt sucked in close to it, as if I were traveling down a tunnel very fast. In front of me I saw a lone pick-up truck parked in a parking lot by itself. It was a four-wheel drive, expanded cab, and something about it was familiar. I resisted going toward it, though. I knew this truck was connected to another “me” and there was a rejection from a part of me that this other “me” even existed. It pulled me back from the scene as the part that was accepting pulled me toward it.

There was a brief pause and the truck seemed frozen in my vision as I realized I was being shown something. I heard my guide say, “Let go”. I then became very aware of my lower three chakras buzzing.

Knowing he was right, I focused on letting go and allowing myself to be shown whatever it was that my Higher Self wanted me to see. I wanted desperately to not resist but that part of me was quite strong and fearful. She did not want to be shown what was coming. “We” both knew what it was.

OBE: Visiting My Ship

My vision was on and off as the scene shifted and I shifted with it. This is where it gets weird. I am calling this an OBE for lack of a better word but the experience is so different that I really don’t know if the term applies. It felt similar to being in-between but also felt like an OBE and like a lucid dream. In a way it was also like I was receiving a vision except that it was one in which I interacted.

I knew the instant the shift occurred that I had gone aboard a ship somewhere in the middle of the universe. It was at “port” but I am not sure where. Since I did not want to fully embrace this knowingness, my vision would come on suddenly and then be turned off by the part of me that did not want to see. I was fully aware of this, though, and so when I was able to see I took it in eagerly and the memories are vivid.

All along there was a guide. She met me when I “boarded” the ship and spoke with me the entire time I was there. She welcomed me and explained to me what was occurring. She said, “As you can see, we are in the process of preparing”. I then clearly saw the entire space I was in. The walls were of a metal that was nearly white and it was quite shiny and bright. The space was vast but very obviously some kind of laboratory. I could see tables made of the same shiny metal and where this metal was not there was a bright white material.

I saw clearly a flat, metal bed similar to an operating table but it was not where any operations occurred. A man dressed in white (or maybe he was white as I don’t recall clothing) was laying on the table. He was elevated from the waist up but there was nothing under him keeping him up. He just seemed to be floating there.

What is strange here, and it caused me concern, is that he had two beams of bright, neon blue light shooting from somewhere directly into both his eyes. When I saw this the woman said, “We have been doing reparations to the teleport”. I knew the teleport was what I was looking at but I wondered about the term “teleport”. Teleport to where? Where am I?

I knew where I was and a part of me completely rejected it. The woman, who I never saw, continued to talk as if she knew me. It felt that I was to be spending time here and that I may have spent time there in the past. I knew we were at port and this continued to bother me. Memories of the encounter I had as a child interrupted my thoughts. I could not focus on the experience because of the fear.

I pulled my energy out of the scene and back into my body. Like I said, the experience is an unusual one but I clearly had my energy somewhere else. It was not in my body.

My guide was close as I disconnected and I heard the woman saying to me, “We will be here when you come back”. She was so very pleasant and calm. Who was she?

My head was buzzing with the energy helmet and my third eye was wide open. A little worried, I asked my guide, “Was that real or was I making it up?” He reminded me to focus on my heart. I did and felt instantly calmed. Then, I didn’t care if it was real or not. I knew, though, that there were many, many more “me’s” out there. This saddened me. I wondered to my guide, “Does this mean that when I leave this life that I will just go into one of those other lives/me’s?”

He said, “No”.

I worried he was lying. If he was, then I felt I would never escape.

I remembered the blue light going into the man’s eyes and worried it was trapping him, immobilizing him in whatever array of pictures it was presenting to him. How do I escape the pictures? What is there if there are not pictures? Why don’t I remember?

I was reassured that I would remember. I then knew this whole experience had been initiated by my guide saying, “Remember who you are”. I asked if this was a trigger word and knew it was. I then wondered why I would need one and the questions just kept coming.

Eventually I fell asleep and had a disturbing dream in which I got very angry. The dream invovled the third chakra and heart chakra. I am being asked to let go of control, to trust that all will be okay.

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Kundalini Surge

It’s been a long week. I have read that the energies shifted sometime in the middle of the week. I, personally, did not feel this particular shift, at least not until this morning.

Before bed I asked my guide/Companion/Higher Self to please give me some kind of spiritual experience. It has been many weeks since I have had anything significant and I really, really needed something to keep me motivated. I felt asleep not expecting much since I have been asking the same thing pretty much non-stop since this “break” began mid-June.

Kundalini Surge

I was awakened suddenly out of dream by an intense shooting energy that originated in my root chakra and shot up through my third chakra. The energy was different but very obviously K (Kundalini). I desperately wanted it to rise all the way to my heart chakra but awoke before it got there and was saying to my guide, “No! No!”. I am not sure if it was that I was saying “No” to it rising or “No” to it stopping.

The energy itself was pleasantly painful. I hate to call it that but that is the only way to describe it. It felt like my chakras were being ripped apart but in a good way. Kind of like painfully good sex. The only time in my life I have felt similar sensations in my body was during sex but only while pregnant. For men this will be hard to understand but for those of you who are women and have had sex while pregnant you may.

When pregnant, a woman is either highly sexual or loses all interest in sex. For me, I am a mixture of both – I don’t want sex but I am not against it and when I do have it I suddenly am very, very interested. The entire sexual experience is also very different for me when pregnant. Everything is enhanced and there is a heightened sensitivity to touch. The result is a intensely pleasant and somewhat “painful” experience.

Like I said, hard to describe but this is how last night’s experience was.

I lay there a while wanting the energy to rise to my heart. This was an almost desperate desire for the energy to move and I heard my guide close instructing me to actually take the energy and nudge it upward. Unfortunately, I was too distracted because I needed to use the restroom. When I returned to bed the energy had lessened, though there was quite a bit still lingering in my third chakra and my heart and head had also begun buzzing.

As I tried to fall back to sleep I was reminded of a message my guide had given me of how the integration process would be occurring in the bottom three chakras, originating in the root and rising upward. This was the second such rising.

I lay on my stomach for a while and when I did the energy intensified and I could feel the energy balled up where my second chakra is. It is odd to feel it all the way through to the back! This has happened with my heart before, though.

The energy swirled in a tight ball at first but then began to expand upward into my third chakra where it then expanded more. From there it filled the entire bottom of my rib cage. The energy between the two chakras settled along my spine. It was both hot and cold at the same time and seemed about two inches wider than my spine. It also moved haphazardly back and forth along the spinal column. This is the first time I have felt the K resemble the slithering serpent. It was very cool!

I fell asleep still feeling the ball of energy in my third chakra, though much subtler. This morning my hips ache.

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Dichotomy

Lots of change happening. First off, on the first day school resumed after summer break my morning started off with news that my sister-in-law had gone into labor five weeks early. I knew that meant I would likely have to leave work early and I did. Then I had to change my schedule because they kept mom and baby in the hospital for observation. I guess they do that when baby is really early. So today was my first full day back at work. Thank goodness I can change my schedule!

The day was busy, but not hectic. I had sent out a form in Google Docs, the first ever and I really like it! Anyway, I had four referrals and so had to follow up on each of them. In addition I had some other things to do and so the day filled up fast.

What is memorable about this day, though, is the last minute referral of a student who had been crying nonstop since Monday. When I went to see him I knew he was struggling and when he saw me his eyes immediately filled with tears. We went for a walk and chatted and I listened and felt such overwhelming love for him and his predicament. I understood him and I wanted to make him better yet at the same time I was somewhat detached and calm. In a way, I think this detachment helped me help him better because by the end of my time with him he was calm and I could tell a heavy burden had been lifted from him. I gave him hope and in that I think was the biggest gift I could have given him.

I didn’t realize this, of course, until I was on my way home over an hour later. It suddenly hit me then all at once and my heart overflowed for him. His mother had written me and told me thank you – that he was so much better for talking to me – but that wasn’t it. I understood him because I had been him so many, many years ago in my youth when I was nearly his same age. How horrible to have all that one believes to be solid and true in their life snatched away and smashed to bits. That is what his world is now and what mine had been so many years before. I had no one and was not nearly as receptive as he.

And I know he will be alright and I think that is the best feeling ever.

78

All this happened before I thought about the significance of a number I received in my dreams last night. I was discussing the years 1978-1979 for some reason. I remember recognizing that I had already been born and speaking the year 1978 as if I were trying to figure out what was going on. The number returned after today’s events and so I looked it up.

The number says that one has reached a balance between the spiritual and the mundane and with this comes an inner peace and joy as well as material abundance.

When I read the meaning of this number I knew that my experiences today were significant. For the first time in a very long time I felt true heart emotional connection to my work. The overflow I felt has not been felt by me since around the time of my daughter’s birth. I have been blocked to my work and my connection with those I worked with since then. Yet today I felt it again. It spilled out of me and was not sorrow but a mixture of emotions that are indescribable and beautiful. I felt a true connection and purpose that I had all but given up on.

All I can say is that sometimes I feel that a part of me never gives up on me yet at the same time another part of me wishes only to destroy my only chance at happiness. How strange to be so dichotomous. I wonder how I have made it this far at all.

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Separation

I had many vivid dreams last night, the last of which was emotional. I awoke feeling an unexplained loss. Crying softly in my pillow I wondered, “Why am I crying? Why do I feel like this?”

From this point commenced a short conversation between me and my Higher Self/Companion/Guide.

He asked me, “How are you suppose to feel?”

I thought on this a while and the answer came through a series of pictures and words. They flooded my mind and brought understanding and solemnity.

First came the pictures. They are vague now and all I recall are vivid images of a vast darkness speckled with white dots that appeared to be stars, easily assumed to be the universe. From there came a sensation of being cut off from this suddenly and abruptly. As if a wall came down and wiped out all connection, all memory, all understanding. The vastness that I was part of, that was me, was suddenly nothing; empty and alone.

With these pictures came a thought question, “Imagine how you would feel to suddenly lose yourself. How would you feel if you were taken from everything you knew and left alone without the connection to Source that you once had?”

And in that moment I understood why I was crying, why I felt like this.

He then said to me, “You are suppose to feel this way. This is intentional, for how could you ever know what you have lost if you never lost it?”

And I thought to myself and to him, “I am suppose to feel this way”.

And I understood. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way I feel. The experience causes it to be so for it allows me to view things from a different vantage point, one in which I am separate.

He asked me, “What does the separateness create?

And I replied, “Me”.

It was for me like the feeling one gets as a small child when they suddenly find themselves separated from their parent in the grocery store. There is a sudden recognition, “I am alone” along with an intense nervousness and panic. Instantly, the child seeks out their parent except that this time I never find my parent because the instant I lose sight of him/her I forget he/she exists. Instead, I wander around the store aimlessly looking for something I cannot describe, inundated by a feeling of utterly impenetrable aloneness.

I saw the Ego was the creation of this separateness. For some reason I began to think of competition. I thought of how the Ego wants recognition, attention – to be special. I thought about how we have competitions on the Other Side (somehow I knew this) and I asked my guide, “Do we just let each other win?” and with his answer I also answered, “No. We do our best and do not always win”. Yet I knew that on the Other Side the connectivity we have with one another made the sport fun no matter whether you were the “winner” or the “loser”.  Without that connection here on earth the result is jealousy, anger, hatred, resentment and a myriad of other emotions followed sometimes by actions of revenge but always with a sense of loss and misunderstanding at our very core.

This is how it is suppose to be.

I feel very solemn still as I write this. How can I be okay with being separate? How can I just be what I am when I am and trust the spark that remains in my heart, the one remnant of who I am that remains intact?

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NASA Has Been Reached

I was planning to take Benadryl last night to help me feel rested but instead felt I should not take my normal B-Complex prior to bed. It worked like a charm! I feel rested and pleasant this morning and I only woke up twice in the night. I am guessing the B-Complex was making my brain too active.

Dream: Whirlpools

I discovered my husband had begun dating a friend of ours after we had a fight. I protested and told him that I had not meant that we should quit our marriage. He decided to return to keep working on fixing our marriage and I was happy with this.

We ended up at a gathering of our church friends. They were all standing in line for some reason and I had a talk with a coworker there who was leaving her job to go to Bigfoot (city name). I told her to take a long vacation and she said she couldn’t because she had a child with special needs. I wondered where Bigfoot was. I’d never heard of such a city. I was pulled South in my mind but doubted it. Turns out it is in Texas!

I wandered into another area where there was a large pool. A friend was in the water with her newborn baby (she is currently pregnant and due in September). She saw me and handed the baby to me, “Here, hold him”, she said. I didn’t want to, though.

I ended up in the pool and the dream shifted dramatically. The pool was very shallow and the bottom was a 3D version of the earth. It covered the entire pool and the vivid greens of the continents moved as the earth rotated. I saw small whirlpools all over the place and happily played in them, the water coming up only to my hips. The whirlpools were all very small and would form and then disappear only to form somewhere else.

I then got pulled toward a very large whirlpool. I heard someone informing me of such occurrences when this happened. I was pulled down quickly. I briefly thought I would go completely under but never did. Instead, I was propelled across the world to another large whirlpool which then flung me again to another and then another. It went so fast I could not see and felt disoriented.

I was then given a survey of what I had experienced. I was not alone, my husband was with me and our responses were being compared. His experiences sometimes matched mine and other times did not.

Whoever was instructing me stopped the process and all was still. I again saw the realistic earth and the swirling whirlpools that covered its surface. It no longer appeared to be water but more like a fluid substance resembling water in which energy currents flowed. I understood the whirlpools to be vortexes. I was reminded of the grid system of energy that covers the earth and knew it had been disrupted. These vortexes were the result of the shift. I was also reminded of the sun and her solar flares. The two were related.

NASA Has Been Reached

I awoke from this realization hearing, “NASA has been reached”. My crown was buzzing and I felt strangely peaceful. There were messages coming in quite quickly but I only remember some of it. I was told my emotional up’s and down’s were a direct result of the vortexes of energy I had just learned about. I was also told, “Your mind is restructuring”.

I wanted to know more about the vortexes. What were they? What caused them? Why were they affecting me when in the past they seemed not to?

The only answer I am now able to remember is that the recent solar flare/sunspot activity has something to do with the amount and intensity of the vortexes, as does the shifting of the poles. The reason I had not been so affected by them in the past was because I was not undergoing the total restructuring process that I am now. The combination of the two creates breaks in the circuitry of the brain at higher rates than would normally occur.

I wondered about the message, “NASA has been reached”. I briefly wondered if I misunderstood. Maybe it was, “NASA has been breached?” I felt it was not correct, though. It makes no sense to me why I received this message. What does NASA have to do with the energy vortexes I saw? Did the solar flares reach the space station? I could not find any evidence of it except an article about the space station losing power on Tuesday.

I was also told, “You are not alone” and understood this to mean in my experiences of late. These same circumstances are also wreaking havoc on others going through the restructuring process.