I have been feeling very down and out for the last couple of days for no apparent reason. It is odd to me how my feelings quickly change seemingly for no reason. I am use to it as it has happened like this my entire life, but never this frequently. I know the world is undergoing a great energy shift and that it has been escalating in intensity, especially this year, but I am tiring of it. I wish that I could shut out all the outside energy that impacts me, but I seem unable to completely keep it out. The more I isolate myself to try and protect myself, the more irritated I seem to get. Yet when I open up more, I get overwhelmed and overly emotional and unbalanced. I don’t know which is worse – to shut down my emotions or to be overwhelmed by them. It seems a lose-lose situation.

Deer Patrol

It was dark. I was in a familiar house. It was cozy and nice. It felt like grandmother’s house – a place of safety and love. I was not alone. There was an old man and a couple of younger, twenty-somethings, one male the other female. I felt older than them but much younger than the old man.

I spoke with the two younger people, the male one first. He was getting ready to head back to college. He told me he had to study for an exam and I was surprised by this. “When I went to college, we took all our finals before break. When did they start giving finals after Christmas vacation?” The young man paused and then said, “I don’t know. That is just how it is”. I replied, “That isn’t very fair. You are suppose to study and prepare for the exams. If you have them after vacation, then you will have to study for them during vacation! That kinda defeats the whole point of vacation!” My voice got a bit louder as I was talking because I was feeling frustrated for this young man, yet he didn’t seem to care one way or the other. “I’ve been studying for a couple of days. I don’t have to do much more than that”. He then said his goodbyes to us and left the room.

The young woman had dark hair and appeared older than the young man. She was much more serious and guarded and did not say much. She did question if I was going to return to school. I told her, “I am done with school. I don’t want to go back”.

She stayed for a while and I began to pay more attention to what the old man was doing. He was sitting near the large, picture window, waiting for something. I could see images of a garden and other plants outside the window, but it was still very dark. A woman called out to him from somewhere in the house, “Don’t forget to take those pots outside when you go on watch”. I think it must have been his wife. He called back, “Yeah, okay”.

He stayed where he was for a while, resting up against the window and watching me. I could not see his face clearly but he was old, probably in his 60’s. He had leathery skin like someone who spent a lot of time outdoors and his hair was white and bushy. He picked up something and hoisted it up on his shoulder. I looked harder and saw that it was an old shotgun.

I asked him what it was for.

“I patrol the garden at night to keep them away from it”.

“Keep who away?” I asked. At that time a tiny bell tone pinged a few times. It sounded like an alarm of some sort.

“The deer”, he replied and got up and went outside.

I followed him outside and saw a clear black sky dotted with stars. I could not see the moon but I could tell it must have been out because it was not so dark you couldn’t see. The man went into a tiny section of the yard and stood looking around. A large tree stood on the right and there was a tall, wooden fence in front of him approximately 10 feet away. I stood next to him, looking around I heard a noise in the bushes but couldn’t see anything but shadows.

There was noise from the direction of the tree. The man took aim at something shiny and fired. I heard a ping and look up. He had shot a silver ornament of some kind that was hanging in the tree. I noticed then that the tree was full of them. The man kept shooting at them, though, and the ones he shos fell, one by one, to the ground. I wondered if the man was practicing.

After he finished, I looked around some more. We were standing amidst plants of all types. Some were as high as our waists. They were vegetable plants mostly but some were potted. I turned and saw the pots the man’s wife asked him to take outside. They were full of black dirt with shrubbery of some kind poking out, but mostly I saw just the dirt. I vaguely recall that his job was to water them.

When I saw the wood fence I remembered my own frustration with deer and how we had erected a fence around our garden. I told the man, “Why don’t you just build a fence?” He said something about not wanting to. I pointed to the wood fence and said, “But you already have part of one. It would be very easy”. He did not respond. I assumed he must have been happy with his job of patrolling for deer at night.

The alarm sounded again and I got a flash in my mind of a tiny fawn with spots. When I saw the vision I warned the old man but he was already pointing his gun at something. I looked in the direction of his gun and saw a tiny, spotted fawn stumbling through the bushes. The man said, “It’s a fawn. It’s brother is over there” and he pointed to another identical fawn. I held my breath at how beautiful, tiny and frail they were. The man said, “Their mom is around here somewhere”.

Just then the mother deer came bounding into the garden. Her eyes were big and she stopped and froze when she saw us. I The man let her go, though and she soon walked on past, nibbling at his garden as she did. He said, “Get out of here!” and she finally left.

Symbolism

When I awoke from this and other dreams I was not feeling very positive. In fact, I was sort of angry. Part of the dream was still with me when I awoke, the part where I was discussing how it was not fair to have exams after vacation. I then stated very clearly that I was “done” with school. It seems to me now that this part of the dream was symbolic of a conversation I had with my guide. I believe he told me that I had to wait until after Christmas vacation. I am not sure what I am waiting for, but the news did not make me happy and that feeling continues to unsettle me.

The deer in the dream are also very vivid to me, especially the fawns. A deer symbolizes grace, compassion, gentleness, natural beauty and meekness. Deer represent femininity and being alert to such qualities within yourself. A deer can freeze and be very still, blending into its surroundings in order to avoid detection. The fact that the old man allowed the deer to live suggests there is a message that I should blend in with my surroundings, let my femininity shine through and have compassion for others and myself.

The fawn is symbolic of friendship that is true and reminds us to have faith in love. In my dream the fawn is what I spend the most time admiring. They are so tiny and frail and I have an urge to protect them. Perhaps I am being reminded of my own children as well as my loved ones in life?

The shotgun is a message that I need to better focus my energies upon my intended goal(s). What is interesting is that I am struggling to remember what my goals are. I cannot see anything for my future except more of the same. I feel suppressed by a life on hold so much that I have forgotten what I once dreamed of creating. All I seem to be able to see is constant waiting and what is even more bothersome is I don’t even know what I am waiting for.