Tag Archives: dreams

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Dreams: Yearbooks and Graduation

Once again I am having dreams about graduation. It seems these kinds of dreams come in a sequence: looking for or going to school, going to class, and then graduation. It would be nice to know exactly what my degrees are. I would have a dozen at least by now!

Yearbooks

The first dream of the night was short. I was inside a home that reminded me of my mother’s house, but it wasn’t. My middle son was sitting on the floor next to an old, wooden chest. I asked him, “Have you seen my yearbooks?” He got this guilty look on his face and shrunk back from me. Knowing he had done something wrong, I investigated.

I found scattered across the floor at least five yearbooks. Sadly, my son had ripped the front covers of all of them except one. I gathered them up, asking him, “Why did you do that?” Irritated, I looked over them closely and put them in order. 2010, 2012, 2013…all the way to 2015. 2011 was in the wrong place, so I placed it after 2010 and looked at them stacked up in my arms.

They all had sky blue or medium blue and white covers. Some of the artwork on the cover was familiar and I saw my website name written across one of them. I placed the oldest, 2010, on the bottom of the pile and stacked them up in order with 2015 on the top. 2015 was not ripped and I seemed to cherish it the most.

I awoke a bit confused and my guide immediately said to me, “It’s alright”. I wondered why I would have such a dream and instantly fixated on the yearbooks and their dates. What was significant about 2010? I received a message via my heart center that I was struggling to let go of my past, still clinging to aspects of it that needed to be released in order for me to move forward. What those are, I did no know, but it appears I am working on clearing the last remnants while I sleep.

Graduation

The rest of my dreams were spent preparing for graduation and prom. There were many but I only remember one in detail.

I was inside a school. I was different from the other students, allowed to roam free of the rooms and go wherever I wanted while the other students could not. I remember leaving one classroom and heading for another where a lone student sat. He was young, kind of geeky, with long hair and seemed withdrawn and shy.

It appeared I was the only one graduating and so this was why I got so much freedom. It was the last day of school and everyone was preparing for prom. I was not interested in the classroom where all the students were preparing so kept visiting the young man in the other room.

After several visits with him he began to open up and become more friendly. On my last visit he pulled me close and put his hand on my rear. I remember thinking, “He likes me”. I was flattered but not interested. I said to him, “You are a Junior, right?” He said, “Yes”. I said back to him while I moved away from him, “Then you only have one more year to go” The message I sent with my words was that he was too young and inexperienced for me. Ha!

I went back into the other classroom where a group of immature girls were talking loudly and seemed like one instead of twenty. I told the teacher my observation and she told me to clear out my locker. So I went to it, opened it (somehow I knew the combination) and inside it was nearly empty except for some old cookies and snacks. I knew I had not been using it and had not been a “student” for a long time.

Then I was preparing for prom. I walked into a large space with the other students and we each went and picked up our dresses/tuxes. Mine was silky white with lace and a low-cut bodice. I went into a side room to try it on and a little boy assisted me. I remember looking in the mirror at my unfamiliar body wearing a bra and underwear.

The shy young man was spying on me during the dream and his nose was peculiar. He had this black, metal tube over it that was about four inches long. He took it off and then put it in his mouth like a cigar. His nose was very long and reminded me of Pinocchio.

Interpretation

When I awoke the dreams were still very vivid and my guide was close. I felt so comfortably drowsy and wanted to go back to sleep but couldn’t. My guide was communicating something but as it was via my heart I was too lazy to try and decipher it. The message got through regardless.

The upcoming prom in the dream symbolizes this change; an end and preparation for a new beginning. Pinocchio is representative of a lie being told, either by me to myself or from someone else to me. The cigar represents a relaxed state of mind and masculine energy. It could be that the masculine part of me can be deceptive if I let my guard down. The yearbooks in the previous post are representative of the old; the past. They are ripped and torn by my son, indicating a loss or destruction of the past. The present one is undamaged indicating focus upon the present. I show my interest in focusing on the present when I place it on top of the others.

It was made clear that I am coming to the end of yet another stage in this long progression of change. I am encouraged to not look back, only forward. Failures of the past are just that – in the past. The future is possibility and adventure. I can choose to play the game or not. Lessons are best learned in living life, not hiding from it. Focus on living is paramount now. Now is the future, not the past. Let go and move forward.

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Lucid to OBE: Room of Sunflowers

Last night was another long night of dreams. I once again awoke to tears. The clearing continues and I am so weary of it.

I did ask prior to sleep: If I can’t astral travel, can I at least lucid dream?

Lucid to OBE: Room of Sunflowers

I awoke at 5am feeling down about life in general. I felt the all-over body energy hug from my Companion as I let the disappointment in myself come to the surface. Overall, I felt/feel like a failure in this life. I asked my Companion why he created the personality and tendencies I have in this life. To me, they are too hard to overcome.

Buzzing energy began to increase around the top of my head and around the base of my spine. The energy around my spine wrapped around the front of my body and felt comforting. I fell asleep.

I found myself inside an unfamiliar house. There was a party going on, a celebration of the release of a sequence of movies. I overheard talk about my younger sister and realized that she was a part of this movie project and attending the party. I went in search of her.

I walked up carpeted stairs to a large room where most of the people were mingling. There was a group dancing and that is where I saw my sister. They were dancing oddly, with strange motions of the hands. It was almost like they were casting spells. I remember that as I watched I hoped no one would ask me to dance.

I ended up downstairs looking around. I wanted to snoop around in my sister’s things. I hadn’t seen her in so long. What was she like as a person now?

Standing there, the thought came to me that I was dreaming. I said aloud, “This is a dream”. Instantly the golden hued, brightly lit room turned dark and I couldn’t see. I moved toward the stairs in the dark and began to ascend.

I jumped up, trying to fly but found it difficult. I said aloud, “I can fly” and was able to hover for a moment but there must have been something wrong with my motivation to fly because I felt pulled back down.

At the top of the stairs I saw a window and headed for it. It was the only source of light and I could see the window clearly. I flew at it full speed reminding myself I could go through objects. When I got the window I went through it without incident and ended up floating outside in a courtyard. All I could see were the branches of a large tree. Beyond that, though, was a bright, golden light. I peered through the leafless branches and saw row upon row of giant sunflowers in a room not far away. I flew toward it.

The sunflowers were inside a room on the first floor. I had to go through another window to get to them.

I attempted a fly-through but was stopped this time and had to manually open the window and pull off the screen. When I went through, my foot caught on the screen. I could see the sunflowers and the large room. I recognized the room. I had been there in a previous dream.

Pulling against the screen, I struggled to get inside with no success. The effort of it caused me to lose motivation. I felt like a failure and gave up. The once bright room dimmed and turned black and I felt the familiar energy as I settled back into my body. I opened my eyes immediately and this caused my heart to feel like it was going to jump out of my chest. I checked my heart rate and it was steady, nothing like how it felt in my chest. I rolled over, disappointed in the entire experience.

Sunflower symbolism – a source of spiritual guidance pointing you in the right direction. Times may be difficult but you will persevere. They also symbolize warmth, abundance and prosperity.

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Confronting and Clearing

I had a very active dreams last night. I was so involved in them that it felt as if I had lived days in just one night.

Confronting and Clearing

I started with a dream in which I threatened to leave my husband and he called my bluff. I was so angry at him because I could not leave him. I would not leave my children or break up my family. I remember calling him my wife several times and feeling a familiarity with this notion but not understanding why.

I then found myself standing outside next to a young, black woman. I remember that she was very pretty, with curly, black hair pulled up in a pony tail. She was wearing high heels and a skirt and was nervous. She was on the phone at a phone booth in New York. I remember knowing her “story” as if it were my own. She left home for New York to live her dream and was calling her grandmother to ask her for money to help her pay the bills. She carried in her hand a pile of opened letters (bills) and I knew she had asked her grandmother for help in the past. If she didn’t get help this time, she would lose her home and be out on the streets. Her worry was my worry.

I heard her grandmother talking to her on the phone saying how much she missed her and how she wished she would come home. At the same time I felt the girl’s anxiety. Should she ask her for money? Should she disappoint her grandmother again? I wanted to help her.

Then I was her and staring at this man. He was tall with lots of hair on his face. He had so much fluff on his face that he looked like a cat! He was saying to me/her that he could help. I saw in my mind him helping a small mouse find its way out of a maze. I remember thinking about the symbolism of cats – their fierce independence. Maybe this fierce independence could sometimes be a flaw?

I returned to mulling over the first dream for some reason and my anger woke me up. I felt my guide and he said something and I immediately calmed down. I recognized the anger was misplaced. I also recognized the dreams were not about just me, but about others in this world. I knew I was not alone. My issues were also others’ issues. We were all the same.

Other Dreams

I returned to sleep and had a series of dreams involving my family. I was helping them by having them do the purification I did. There was a schedule issue and I ended up driving my brother very early in the morning – 5:30am. When we got there we had to turn around and I was driving and very disoriented and upset. I ended up crashing the car because I changed my mind about taking an exit.

I rushed to check on my brother and he was fine. The back end of my car had been crushed but then it fixed itself and I was back in the car. I went up another exit ramp and it was made up rocks and sand and there was a chair in the middle that had a message – “Road closed”. I stopped and backed up and then just parked. We saw a large semi-truck with its back opened. A man was telling everyone he needed to get rid of the stuff inside. It was all free, so I went to browse.

I had a blast picking out clothes and things and had such a huge pile that I could not carry it all. I remember picking out clothes and jewelry for me and also clothes for my mom and husband.

In the end, when the shop was empty, I began to leave and saw laying on the ground a miniature elephant figurine. Or so that is what I thought it was. When I looked closer, the elephant was being eaten by thousands of ants. It was real and had been alive! I stared in amazement at the tiny, perfect-looking elephant for some time, wondering why it was there.

There was then a scuffle behind me and I turned and saw someone pointing a gun at the guy who had been giving all the stuff away. I watched, wondering if I should be worried.

When I awoke I heard my guide say, “The bus route is changing”. I felt that this meant that a shift was in the works. It could be an individual shift, but likely a group one.

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The Trap of the Human Condition

Honey, all the movements you’re starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I’ve made
See it all disappear without trace
And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you need to go on
Start as you need to go on

I awoke from an upsetting dream with this song in my head. The above chorus was the main part I heard, but I also heard:

You said I’m gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for

The Trap of the Human Condition

The dream was disturbing because in it a father, who resembled Dwayne Johnson (The Rock), was selling his children to the sex industry. He had already sold his two youngest children and was in the process of selling his pre-teen daughter. I watched the process, disgusted but not interfering. It consisted of giving the girl money in exchange for seemingly harmless things and slowly increasing it to more and more sexual acts. This dream continued for some time but I will not go into detail here because it is disturbing.

I then walked to a black, wrought iron gate, and stood next to a young girl dressed in black (she was the same girl as before). I spoke to a group about the importance of education and the flaws of the system. Already perturbed about the sex industry experience I had, I was very insistent that the education system be changed. The first thing was to separate education from all sports and extracurricular activities, but specifically sports. This was challenged by someone and I explained my stance on the matter saying sports distracted from education.

I awoke with the above song in my mind and feeling very upset about humanity in general. I understood immediately that I was reviewing challenges of humanity. I was reminded of all the flaws that exist and became very upset and hopeless about humanity’s future. I was especially upset about the roles of the corporation and big business in their exploitation of the human condition. In fact, I became so disillusioned that I wished something to happen that would wipe out the human race almost completely so that it was forced to start again. I also did not want to be a part of humanity as the challenges are so high right now that the task of “saving” humanity seems outright impossible.

My Companion was close and I told him, “I don’t want to be a part of this”. I felt his understanding. I continued to be overwhelmed. I recognized that this reality was purposeful and that I was rejecting it and the thousands of lives it took me to get to this point. I felt I had failed the test of being human. I had allowed myself to become trapped by it.

The song continued to flood my thoughts:

And I know the mistakes that I’ve made
See it all disappear without trace

All I could think was, “Why?” He said to me, “We cannot know who we are without first knowing who we aren’t”. I thought about it and understood but it didn’t make me feel better.

We (humanity) are so much more capable than this.

Integration of the Old

These dreams are a continuation of a purging and integration process that has been on-going. I recognized my part in the dwindling spiral that has been humanity. But I am tired of looking at these things. It seems that is all I do in my sleep. Review. Analyze. Discuss. Repeat. Just when I think I have broken through all the impossible barriers created over many lifetimes, I seem to stumble onto more. When will it ever end?

I asked for it to stop. I am so tired of this process.

My Companion explained that I must integrate the Old completely. What I am beginning to understand is that this integration is not just of the old me but the old (3D) world as a whole. It is evident that this individual process I am going through is directly linked to the process the world is going through. The hopelessness, the despair, the feelings of overwhelm – these are being felt world-wide at ever increasing levels.

Considering the many thousands of years humanity has been on a downward spiral, the extent of time it will take to heal is in itself overwhelming. The end of this life will not see it healed. Sigh.

Sorry about the sombre post but this is where I am at today.

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Bear, John

The “dry spell” continues. Communication and connection with my Companion, guides and Team is almost nonexistent. I can initiate communication with my Companion and he will respond but he feels so very distant and the connection so weak that I wonder if it is real or if I am desperately making it up so that I feel better. Similarly, very few energy fluctuations are occurring. I only have occasional pulling and buzzing sensations around my head. These come and go and seem insignificant compared to past sensations. There is no indication that this will end, ether. Finally, there has been no contact with my Team/Council in some time. This doesn’t bother me, really, but it coincides with a cessation of channeled messages.

Last night I initiated contact with my Companion because I have been especially struggling this last week with low energy, lack of motivation, an overall hopeless disposition and an empty, disconnected feeling. I recognize that during this time I must travel this “road” seemingly alone, as it is my life to live. The tools have been given to me, I just need to use them. I try and feel I am doing much better than in the past, but it is so very hard to maintain the inner calm when I feel so disconnected from Source.

I was reminded to stay focused on paving a “new road” for myself, which I am doing with a new business venture. I recognize that if I want to change my life, I have to change my habits and step outside my comfort zone. This is especially hard and I feel like I am drawing straws. I heard a Christmas song in my head and the phrase, “Slow and steady wins the race”. The latter is in reference to me feeling I need to do everything all at once. I do not like having  a long “to do list” left unfinished, something this new business venture has me doing quite often while I tend to my children and daily family responsibilities. The former seems to be a reminder that the pay-off will be worth it in the end. I sure hope so.

Bear, John

Before bed I appealed to my Companion, asking for more connection and reassurance. It was granted.

I had a dream in which my mother told me that a teacher friend of hers quit his job unexpectedly. I remember telling her, “Sounds like he awakened”. She agreed.

We walked into a cafeteria-like setting where many older people were seated. I saw my mother’s friend but “he” turned out to be a “she”. She was short, probably only 5ft tall, and wearing a red robe. Her hair was cut short and she reminded me of a monk, except that she was female.

She invited me to sit down, so I did. She turned to me and then began to channel a message for me from my Companion. As she spoke, she was simultaneously drawing something on a piece of paper.

Her message is lost to me now but I recall the gist of it. The message was that I was not alone and to be patient. This break will not last forever. I am loved and cherished and forever connected to Source, even if I do not sense it at this time.

When the woman was finished channeling, she showed me what she had drawn. I saw a perfect portrait of the face of a man with a short beard and piercing eyes. She said to me, “Bear, John”. I remember seeing that the man had what appeared to be a large, grizzly bear blended into his hair, almost like a bear hat but the way it was drawn, the bear and the man were one.

I recognized, instantly, who the man was. I also recognized the significance of the bear.

I began to sob in the dream and could not stop crying. The crying woke me up and my eyes were still wet. I was aware of my Companion close by and my body was covered in loving energy. I felt to be wrapped in his embrace.

I connected hibernation with the bear and this made me sad. I don’t want to hibernate.

Prayer Book

Saddened by the message, I fell back to sleep and into another dream. In this dream I was walking through a library. A woman bumped into me and turned and said, “Excuse you” in a rude way. I got angry and began to yell at her, wanting to say, “You bumped into me!” but instead said, “Oh sorry, I tripped”.

I continued to talk, but quietly as if to myself, saying I was looking for a book my friend left me. I located it on the bottom shelf. It said, “Prayer Book” and was a small, maybe 8in square, and white and not very thick.

I sat on the floor and opened up the book. A woman was suddenly there with me and I told her, “A friend of mine left me a message”. I pulled out a hand written note tucked inside the pages. I do not remember what the hand written note said now. I just remember there was an entire story scrawled in ink with notes and pictures.

The dream ended and I awoke and knew the hand written note was Psalm’s 7.

Feeling sad still, I saw in my mind’s eye, “30 days”. This made me even more sad because I interpreted it to mean 30 days of “rest”. 30 days of feeling how I feel right now. If I have only felt this way for a little over a week, that leaves a very long time to go.

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A New Twist on Dreams

I had a string of very vivid dreams last night. I also slept through the night without waking.

Aftermath

In this dream I recall fleeing some kind of battle or war. I ended up in the mountains. I could see the valley below with a stream or river running through it. The colors are interesting here. The grass seemed tinged with blue and the terrain was rocky, colored in grays and pinks. It was as if someone painted it in watercolor. It did not seem like Earth.

I was with a group on the side of the mountain looking down. We joined another group who was struggling to survive. I remember helping them figure out ways to find food. The environment was harsh; going out at night very dangerous and during the day the only food was small, edible plants which were hard to find.

The group lived in a home with glass walls overlooking the valley below. I remember standing in a room looking down into the valley and discussing the plan of action: create snares in hopes of catching an animal. Problem was we would have to go out at night to set them.

We went out at night and this is when I remember seeing the tiger. It was stalking us. I yelled out in alarm and one of the group members lunged at it. The dream ended.

tiger

Crumbling Bathroom

This next dream was of a bathroom. I walked inside and it resembled exactly the bathroom I used in my mother’s house for much of my youth. It was in disrepair, though, the sheet rock exposed and crumbling about two feet from the ceiling. The pipes were leaky and there was a feeling that the whole ceiling would collapse at any moment.

I saw a woman – blonde, kind of overweight – and told her, “I’m not going in there. It is going to cave in any minute”.

I spent much of this dream analyzing why this bathroom was falling apart and how. I figured out that the whole floor had shifted down and caused the gap at the ceiling. I can still see the bathroom in such vividness. It resembled the bathroom before it was renovated – pink wallpaper and yellowing tiles. Very 1980s. It literally looked like someone was demolishing it piece by piece.

Walburg

This was the final dream. I was driving my ex-husband’s black, Nissan pickup truck. It was the truck we owned together when we were first married. I remembered it in every detail down to the custom made seat covers and gray dashboard.

I was going somewhere on a road trip. I recall entering a small town and thinking, “Something is going to happen”. I had a feeling that I could accept whatever happened. I could accept a delay and stay if need be.

I stopped in a parking lot near a creek. When I tried to turn the truck back on it made an odd noise and then nothing happened. The engine would not roll over yet the truck still had power and the radio still played.

I thought, “Great. Guess I am staying a while”.

An older man came up and asked me if I needed help. I said I did and he immediately began to look at the engine. I waited, fumbling with my clothes. I was not wearing any pants and was trying to find some shorts but they seemed way too small.

The man came around and told me that it was this piston-like thing that needed repair. He showed me a picture of the entire engine layout but it was too detailed for me to understand what he wanted me to look at. He said the part was inexpensive and that he would get it fixed. I was happy and thanked him.

I went inside the store I was parked at. There were rows upon rows of DVDs for rent. It reminded me of the old school rental places in the small town I grew up in. I knew though that I was in Walburg, not my hometown.

Up at the front counter I began talking to the clerk. Outside the window I saw buzzards jumping and fighting for scraps of some food. I pointed at them and looked out the glass door for a better view. There was this lone red hawk being bullied by the buzzards. I said, “Look! There is a hawk! They are trying to get him! He has a sharp beak, they better watch out!”. Sure enough, the hawk attacked and kept the buzzards at bay. I felt bad for the hawk, though. He seemed unable to fly.

I then noticed there were peach and pear trees all around the store. The peaches were ripe and I said, “You should pick those!” They were huge and looked delicious. We went outside and the clerk picked them. He gave me one and I took a bite and then ate the whole thing. It was so juicy!

I then entered this other building and a woman was behind a register. I browsed what appeared to be book but I don’t quite remember. There were two girls and one got in trouble and the woman was making her clean up a mess. I watched and the girls were passing notes. I intercepted one and read it. It said, “I love you” then in different handwriting, “I love you, too”. I was touched and told the woman who said, “Read the back”. I did, but can’t remember now what it said.

The last thing I remember in this dream was deciding I wanted to stay in Walburg.

A New Twist

Though these dreams are “normal” for the most part, there is a big difference here. Though I do not specifically remember this from a particular dream in this sequence, I recall seeing high above me two beings. They were floating and semi-transparent. They appeared gray, like ghosts, and we observing each of my dreams.

What is even stranger here is that I recognized one of these beings to be me. The other was my Companion.

It is very obvious to me now that these dreams were created for the other me, the one experiencing the dreams. The observer me was learning about the other me by watching how I reacted to the scenarios I was presented with. I recall the conclusion made by the observer me: I was not resisting what was being shown but accepting of and open to the lessons. I was noting symbols as they appeared. Symbols such as the tiger, the peaches, the buzzards, the hawk, the truck, the bathroom, the letter with the message of love. All of these things were noted by the observer and the experiencer.

Upon waking I knew what the dreams represented.

The war zone was a memory of some other time and/or experience. The bathroom was symbolic of the breaking down of my distant past; a healing of this time in my life. The Walburg dream is also healing of the past, specifically with my ex. I was wiling to accept this past and love myself despite the “mistakes” I made.

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Dream: Back to School

The “back to school” theme returns to my dreams. I wonder what I am missing? Why does this theme continually come up?

Back to School

In this particular dream I was returning to school and once again at the college level. Prior to going I was trying to decide what to wear, putting on different outfits. I wanted to wear white but the shirts I chose all had small stains on them. Eventually I just decided to wear one with a yellowish stain despite worries about how I might look. Unfortunately, it caused me to miss the school bus.

I entered the school building, walked up to a table of students and sat down. The teacher looked at me and raised her eyebrow. I knew she had not seen me in in class before. I had not been attending. My schedule had been changed and my 1st period was Dance. I watched as some of the students practiced their moves. I felt out of my element. I cannot dance.

I got up to use the bathroom because, well, I wanted to waste time since I knew nothing about how to dance. The teacher sent me a questioning look and I sent back a look that said, “I have to go”. I didn’t know where the bathroom was at first, but followed signs. Inside was a room full of technological devices. I found I was carrying a large speaker. I took it and sat down on it. Another student began talking to me. We had a conversation about singers and types of music. I said all music was the same and the student disagreed.

We were soon discussing genres of music and I was again at the table where my class was gathered. I suggested a project: We all listen to music completely opposite of what we normally do. I said, “For example, if you listen to Whitney Houston then you will listen to George Strait” My theory was that if you did this willingly then eventually you would enjoy the other music and see why others would like it. I was very excited about the assignment.

Class was over and we dispersed. I did not know my schedule and tried to locate it on my phone but couldn’t log in. I went up to the admin offices and asked a woman and she pointed up to the screen above her head which was of the campus website. She said it was there and told me to log in. I told her I couldn’t and she said try again. So I did, and got my schedule right away.

My next class was Economics.

Reluctantly I went to class. I sat next to the other students and noticed they were all waiting. The teacher was late. What is odd here is that we were all lounging about on sofas and cushioned chairs in a lobby area, not in a classroom.  I told someone, “I don’t like this class”. I was asked why and said, “Too much politics involved”. I also remember saying I had already taken it, that I could understand it but just didn’t like it as a subject.

When the teacher finally arrived he was older and very casual. Everyone liked him and I began to feel more comfortable.

Interpretation

When I woke up I immediately had the urge to quit my job. It caused all kinds of thoughts to materialize and I felt confused as to what to do. If I leave my job then what will I do for a living? What is it about my job I dislike? What can I do to perhaps try to resolve the situation without leaving my job? Which part of me wants to leave and which part wants to stay? What is the best decision?

When the thoughts went away, I began to hear Pearl Jam’s, Daughter. I awoke to this song about a week ago when having similar considerations about career. The specific part of the song: “Don’t call me daughter, not fit to, the picture kept will remind me”. Why was I hearing this song?

The dream above seems to indicate that I was struggling with a decision that affects my family’s finances. There is an idea that I have to “try something new” as indicated by listening to a new type of music, one opposite of what I would normally listen to. The speaker is indicative of me wanting to be heard.

The rest of the dream suggests that I am avoiding class – dance class being learning to let go and enter a new stage of life; economics being symbolic of money and money-related lessons in life.

Interestingly enough, “class” itself indicates a fear of failure.

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Dream: Ship Drop

Fitful night of sleep last night. I have been having tons of pulling/pressure in various locations on my head. It feels like a vortex of energy pulling and makes the hairs on those parts of my head stand up. I suspect this pressure is continued work by my guides to help me adapt to the Higher aspect infiltration.

Ship Drop

Lots of odd dreams but this one is the most interesting. In it, I was aboard a large, ship. It was so huge that two football stadiums could fit inside! I was led into an auditorium-type room with long tables horizontal to one another. It reminded me of a military mess hall. The walls were steel gray in color and made of metal. Everything seemed to have the same gray coloring as the walls, even the tables we sat at.

I was waiting, feeling a bit out of my element and not knowing exactly what was going on. I was sitting with a small group and there were row upon rows of empty tables. There was a small group of maybe five people. These were the only other people I saw and they were quite a distance away. Two of them were complaining of how they could not get together (sexually). They had just been reunited after a long time apart and wanted to get reacquainted but the rules were that we were to wait aboard this ship until we were dropped at our destination.

At this point it was as if I was receiving instructions about what was coming next. In my mind I experienced what I was being told, but in reality I was just sitting at my table, listening. What I saw/experienced in my mind was us stripping our clothing off – we had to be naked – and getting into line to be dropped from the ship. I then experienced a falling sensations and saw below me a group of islands comes into focus. I, with my group, landed in the water and then swam to the nearest island. When we reached the island I felt a sense of relief and happiness as the beach seemed to rise up and greet us.

I had questions: How would I make such a long swim? I then saw an inner tube materialize. I then said, “I will get sunburned”. There was no answer to that, almost like it was a ridiculous concern. I spoke with the person giving me the instructions about the “plan”. I knew the drop was to be over the Hawaiian Islands at the island of Oahu. Yet I did not pronounce the island that way. I said something like, “Ohapuana” or something like that. But our final destination was the Big Island but I kept calling it “Miami” for some reason and this confused me but I could not figure out why in the dream. There was a discussion about changing the drop location so we could get to the Big Island easier. I remember saying the name, “Rusty Boyston” to someone but I have no idea who he is.

We then lined up to prepare for the drop. I took a detour to the bathroom and rushed to rejoin my group. I worried I would be left behind or not be ready (naked) for the drop.

Then, I became semi-lucid and recall being taken to a room. A door opened and there was this strange, alien-looking creature staring back at me. I startled and then realized it was not an actual alien but rather a suit. It was a mottled green color and the helmet was very large and egg-shaped with a horizontal slit where the eyes should be. It reminded me of a scuba diving suit. I recognized it was only a suit and felt better. That is when I awoke.

Interpretation

I suspect this dream is a symbolic representation of instructions I received during sleep. The ship at first appeared to be a ship for water but the dream revealed it was a different kind of ship, one that flew. Hawaii is likely symbolic of the reward waiting for me at the end of my journey. The nakedness could be me feeling vulnerable but I think it is symbolic of the stripping away of all the old in preparation for the coming changes.

All in all, I feel the dream was answers to questions I have been asking my guides about what is happening with me and what the end result will be. There appears to be a link to E.T.s and my fear of them. I seem to be accepting their existence more and more.

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Questioning

My purification is soon to conclude and my Companion has moved in a bit closer, initiating communication with me in the evenings. There is a bit of a disconnect still ongoing and it was explained to me that I have shifted from a heart focus to a mind focus. I recognized this to be true and attempted to center in my heart but found it difficult as my mind continued to drift back to pressing issues that it seems not able to let go of this last week. In my exhaustion I eventually drifted in and out of sleep.

I also received a message that I would have more intense and dramatic dreams. As if to illustrate this point, during the first minutes of sleep I was awakened suddenly from a dream in which I observed the execution of several people. I saw their heads explode and it startled me awake.

I have had so many dreams last night that I am not sure where to start or what to focus upon so I will recount on the most recent of them.

It is Well

The last dream I recall was of me driving with a woman toward a destination I don’t recall. She stopped at her house on the way. I looked out the window and saw a very dilapidated house in disrepair. It stood out amidst the very pristine neighborhood it was located in.

I watched the woman go inside and attempted to peek in and see if the inside was like the outside. I got a glimpse of a modern, updated house and assumed they were renovating the place. The woman walked up to the window and looked out at me. What was weird is that the window had that tint on it that appeared like a mirror to all on the outside looking in. So I saw her as a reflection. I knew this was wrong. I shouldn’t be seeing her at all and this confused me. I did not think more on it and headed into the house.

Inside I saw a sparsely decorated space with sleek lines and mostly light pine furniture with no cushions. I headed into a large room where many people were gathered. The woman who had driven me to the house was in front of the group talking about plans and I was distinctly aware that I had walked into a church meeting.

The group began to sing and I joined in. They were singing, It is Well With My Soul. I knew the song and enjoyed singing it very much. I sang loudly and could hear my voice rise above the voices of the others. I felt wonderful.

The singing stopped and the woman began to talk about a fundraiser that was suppose to have been planned for Halloween. I was suppose to have begun working on it and I recall that the fundraiser was selling pumpkins. It was to start in September but I had not started working on it yet. I felt ashamed because it was August and I had done nothing.

The woman then explained to the group that it was a sin to have sexual relationships outside of marriage. I felt completely out of place at that point and began to leave. I was asked why I was leaving and I said, “I have three children. It is obvious that I have had sex many times” and I laughed.

As I attempted to leave I felt to be followed and began to look for my glasses. I picked up a pair on the table but the prescription was wrong and they were tinted. I was able to see more clearly than with my own glasses, though. I remember putting them down and leaving.

I began to question the dream at this point and started to focus in on the people who were all around me. I saw the faces of men and women, all strangers to me, and they were all looking at me like they were waiting for me to do something. I recognized that I was dreaming then and began to try and move into the crowd of people and take control of the dream. I began to feel myself moving back into my body. This is when I woke up, the song I had been singing still vivid in my mind.

Questioning

The dream seems to go along with how I have been feeling in life lately. I have been questioning everything that has been happening to me spiritual since last summer. A full year has passed and though I have gone through some miraculous spiritual changes, I still feel very much like I did last summer. There is an incompleteness and a nagging feeling that I am missing something, but I don’t know what.

I also have a strong desire to leave my job. I attempted to listen to my heart about it last night and when I recognized that it was in my best interest to leave the job, my mind took over and made it almost impossible to remain centered because it was freaking out. I seem unable to control my mind no matter how hard I try. Thankfully, a strange inner calm remains despite the mental pushing going on and this keeps me from overreacting and doing something prematurely. Every time I think I have made a decision about my job I get pulled in the other direction. I feel like a yo-yo.

It very much seems that right now the New me is working hard to control the wild, out of control horse (Ego, human personality). Right now, the method of control is merely holding back the horse while it lashes and bucks in an attempt to remove the intruder. There is not much else that can be done until the horse calms down and recognizes its attempts are getting it nowhere. Then, when the horse is calm and submissive, movement forward can be made.

So the message is clear that no decision can be made in my current state. I am okay with this. I can have either option available to me and recognize that I need to be open to possibility right now. Though I do not know what is coming up next, I have faith that all will work out as it is intended.

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Preparing for the Next Stage

I am on day 12 of my purification and am feeling excellent except that I am now struggling to fall asleep at night. I blame the extra energy I have for that.

At this stage I am not noticing too many toxins and chemicals being released. There are occasional muscle twitches in my back and one nostril will stop up randomly, but other than that, nothing. I suspect the muscle twitches result from a release of tension in my back from all the time in the sauna. The stopped up nose could be allergies or maybe the nasal spray I used for so long through each of my three pregnancies.

I now look forward to the running and to the Niacin flush as it turns on full force in the midst of my runs.  I forgot how freeing it can be to run for long periods of time. Yesterday I did not want to stop running and actually extended my running time to 35 minutes. 🙂 I also find myself daring the Niacin to do its worst during my run. I kind of have the “no pain, no gain” idea going on. That is just how I am, though. I love to push my body to its limits. I also strongly believe that one’s mindset makes all the difference. Long ago I decided, “I control my body, my body doesn’t control me”.

Sleep Changes

As I mentioned already, falling asleep has become a challenge with all the extra energy I have. It takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep when before it would take literally minutes. I am also now waking up more frequently in the night like I did prior to starting the purification. I suspect my body has adjusted to the new routine and the increase in vitamins and minerals. I also find it interesting that these sleep patterns go hand-in-hand with the solar flare activity lately, which has been off the charts.

I awoke this morning from a very realistic dream in which I had accidentally killed a man and deciding if I should confess or try and hide it. I went to the police station and told the officer of my crime and he filled in a sheet. He left for a long time and I began to fret and worry if I had done the right thing. I ended up sneaking out the back door and running. The whole time I was escaping I knew that it was pointless as all the evidence pointed to me. I thought of all my options, even suicide, but recognized I had to take responsibility for my actions.

When I woke from this dream it was still very real to me and I had to reorient myself to present time. I literally awoke feeling I needed to prepare myself for a long stent in jail. Ha! I then recalled that while I was hiding from the law I was mowing a lawn and doing yard work. How odd!

Spiritual Changes – Preparing for the Next Stage

Yesterday, while in the sauna, I felt the familiar energy helmet sensation come on for a minute or so and then vanish. It happened again an hour or so later and now is just barely noticeable again.

I spend most of my sauna time reading Science Fiction books, so it is rare that I notice anything going on with my body/mind because I am so engrossed in my reading. I am currently reading, A Darkling Sea by James Cambias (great book!). Reading passes the time and keeps me from fixating on just how hot it is in the sauna (168 degrees).

Yesterday I would be pulled out of my reading by the strange helmet energy or a sudden thought unrelated to my reading. My guide would respond to my thoughts, which he hasn’t been doing for some time. He again communicated with me last night prior to bed saying to me, “You are large” and sending me a mental visual of my energy (aura) expanding way past my normal six to eight feet around my body. I was white and expansive and felt this body to be so very small. He then said, “You will remember again” when a memory of the amazing things I have experienced caused me to long for more. I asked if this meant that my “rest” was over, and he said, “Not just yet. We will ease you into it”. I know I am nearing completion of my purification, so this is likely why I am again receiving communication.