Tag Archives: telepathy

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More Spirit Communication

Active night.

First, I dreamed that I was getting a divorce. My husband was angry and went to the freezer (cold emotion, preservation) and started pulling out various meats (achievement, choice, control) leaving them to thaw and ruin. I remember seeing some packages of meat out and him saying something indicating he left them out on purpose. I grabbed some meats that were already thawed. One was a huge package of hotdog wieners (sexual urges) and another was a big package of individual whole chickens (material well being, success). I told him I would just cook the meat rather than let it go to waste. I picked up the hotdogs and decided against cooking them since, well, they’re hotdogs and they aren’t healthy. So, I selected the chicken and told him I would cook them all. The chicken was too small to actually be chicken, though. It looked more like Cornish game hens.

Audible Conversation

I woke several times early in the morning and eventually settled back to try and get some sleep. My mind was quite active with thoughts about various things. My sister’s birthday is coming up and I was trying to figure out what to give her for her birthday. I was thinking about getting her a card and mailing it to her and want to include a gift card or something in it. I never decided what gift card or how much, though. My thoughts seemed to drift at this time and I know I was in the in-between – not quite awake but not fully asleep either.

Somehow I found myself in a conversation about the drug trade. Most likely it came about because of my concerns about my sister’s drug habit. At first it seemed like I was the one talking (telepathically) to someone else. I noticed the thoughts/words as they moved from me to the other person. If I had been vocalizing my thoughts it would be as if someone else were speaking using my voice. The thoughts coming through weren’t mine. Yet I was not protesting or stopping the communication. It seemed completely normal.

At one point I was saying, “When we enter a new area, we send a fox into the neighborhood….” A loud, male voice interrupted, coming from my left and said, “WOLF” as soon as the word “fox” was said. It was audible, as if the man was standing right next to me, and so spooked me momentarily.This is when I realized I wasn’t speaking at all, it was someone else to my right. I knew the rest of what was being said – “When we enter a new area, we send a fox (wolf) into the neighborhood. We claim the territory as our own and then move on to the next neighborhood.” With these words were images and Knowing. It was as if I had done what was being spoken – gone into a neighborhood and “taken it over” in whatever way necessary. The feeling was pride mixed with a bit of urgency.

I tried to ignore the conversation. So what if I was in the middle of it, I wanted to sleep. The conversation continued only this time the words didn’t seem to come through me and the voice on my right was audible as if someone was right beside me. The tone, pitch and loudness were apparent. I listened for a while but much of the words are lost to memory now because, well, he said quite a bit. He was talking to the other man as if explaining himself. I rarely heard the man on my left, but when I did it was always louder and more gruff. 

The man on my right was talking to the man on my left about his health and arguing that he ate healthy, describing his lifestyle. In that moment I saw someone who had a large belly, a belly that I associate with those who like to drink beer (beer belly). I didn’t see his face. The info was coming in too fast, coming across me as if a stream of energy that I was able to reach into and grab pieces of info.

I was once again pulled out of my reverie by the loud, gruff voice on my left. He said two words, “Warrant” and “Christian”. They seemed to be related to what the man on my right was saying. If I had to guess, the man on my right had a warrant which may have been what actually led to his demise, not his eating habits. 

Finally, tired of the back and forth with me in the middle, I told the man on my right, “Can you please go away?” I got from him a bit of surprise and questioning and I said, “I’m trying to sleep.” It got quiet then and I tried to go back to sleep but called in my guidance for assistance telling them, “I just want to sleep.” I heard back, “But you’ve been asking for this.” This statement, though not entirely true, caught my interest. Had I ask for this? 

Honestly, I might have but a very long time ago, back when I was a practicing medium and struggled to hear complete sentences from Spirit. I recently spoke to my brother about it because he had a session with a medium who was unable to give him messages from our father. I explained that it is difficult, acting as an intermediary between a living person and a dead person. It is difficult to receive full sentences without the conscious mind getting in the way. I told him about how our father visited me via OBE, how real everything was, and explained that was the best way to get full communication, voice and all. I shared with him times when Spirit had come to me when I was awake and how it always scared the you-know-what out of me. It hasn’t been often because I tell them to come to me in the in-between where my fear doesn’t take over like it does when I’m awake.

But I don’t recall wishing to have the experience, not exactly. I do recall missing OBEs and, yes, the very kind of experience I just had because they are cool and unusual. Hmmmm.

I finally just asked, “What’s your name?” The man on my right said, “I already told you.” Note: This communication was not audible but more like I am use to. It’s came through as if my own complete thought. Confused, I tried to recall any names. This is when I remembered “Warrant” and “Christian”. I thought back, “Oh. Christian.” If I make a sentence out of those two words, I think the other man said, “You had a warrant, Christian.” lol 

He left and I lay in bed pondering everything until I finally got up because I surely wasn’t going back to sleep!

Other Incidents

Not long ago (Nov 10th)  my son had a sleep paralysis episode and a very active night. He got up to go to the restroom and heard an audible, male voice say to him, “Hey! Don’t come in here.” It spooked him but he said he wasn’t afraid.

Just a couple of nights ago my youngest son came into my room and sat on the bed. Not long after he said to me in surprise, “Mom! Someone just said hello to me!” I laughed but didn’t inquire into the experience. This morning I asked him about it. Did you hear it audibly? He said, “Yes! It was a woman!” 

My older son has had two incidences now where he has been freaked out by, “sparkles and smoke in the air” over his head. The first one had him so scared he was in tears because it was following him around our living room. I reassured him that it was harmless and told him to tell it to go away. He immediately relaxed. It happened again, though, this time outside. He said his friends saw it, too, which made him feel better (less crazy). When I asked him to describe what he saw inside and outside, he said inside it was “sparkly gold and smoke” and outside was “the same but with black”. He said he has seen it outside more than inside.

What Gives?

So what gives? IDK and am really not too concerned. Some might be freaked out to think that there is more than one Spirit lingering around their home “spying” on them. Trust me, they are and it is nothing to be worried about. Nothing is private. I realized this many years ago when I first opened to my gift of mediumship. They.are.everywhere. LOL

It is rare that I hear them audibly but I’ve experienced it enough now (both when awake and in the in-between) to have very little reaction to it at all. Usually I just get annoyed. Like, come on! People gotta sleep here in the waking world! I’ve also had the experience of feeling “taken over” (trance mediumship) enough times now not to be alarmed, though it is very weird and not my preference. This morning was only the second time and I felt no energetic or physical side-effects like the first time.

If these are indicators that I could potentially be returning to mediumship, I am game, especially if I can hear Spirit audibly. How exciting! I have played this game enough to 1. not be afraid, 2. know I am in control and can turn it off/on, and 3. recognize the value in it.

Oh, and if you know someone named Christian who had a beer belly and died as a result of being involved in the drug trade (not his unhealthy diet), then he’s still arguing with his male friend about why his life came to an end. My guess is he got into it with the cops but I didn’t ask for specifics.

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Is it Me? Or You?

The weekend before last I came down with a cold. I hadn’t been sick in over a year, so it was bound to happen. It started with a sore throat that lasted two days and then came the congestion, stopped up nose, and fatigue. My daughter was sick alongside me and my husband had had it a week before.

All of this coincided with the full moon and also I read that something was going on with Chiron (can’t remember exactly what). As a result of my cold and the energies I was not my best. I entered into a very negative place and I can get pretty negative, so it wasn’t fun for me or those I am closest to.

My thoughts centered around everything that was “wrong” with my life. I also had tons of self-doubt come to the surface along with memories of the past, specifically my heart connection and the devastation it caused as well as events that took place after. Many mornings I woke up wishing I would die and most nights I struggled to sleep.

Just this morning the energy has noticeably shifted. I feel much clearer and less negative. I also got a good, solid night’s sleep and my cold has finally run its full course.

Questions and Doubts

The main question that was plaguing me was, “Who am I?” I saw a pattern. In the past my guidance often seemed to lead me the “wrong way”. I felt betrayed. But then I also know that my guidance is just me, so anytime I was “mislead” it either was because of Ego interference or because I needed to learn a lesson (or both). So saying I can’t trust my guidance is the same as saying I can’t trust myself.

In attempting to answer the question “Who am I?” I began to look back at my life and those things I liked, preferences and such. I realized that most if not everything was borrowed from someone else. I would “try on” things that people I liked or loved enjoyed. In the end I would keep some but toss most. For example, my best friend in high schooled love acting and persuaded me to try it. I hated it but was good at it. The stage fright was the worst! After we parted ways I dropped acting and never did it again. I added to the list of “don’t likes”. Sadly, my “don’t like” list is much longer than my “like” list. Yet I keep borrowing things, over and over. I temporarily convince myself that I like something only to discover I never did and it was all wrong for me.

After a conversation with my husband about this, he said, “Doesn’t everyone do that?” I said, “No. Some people just know.” But really, do they?

I thought maybe it was related to my almost completely open/undefined HD. My husband is similar, so he probably borrowed lots from others, too. I wonder what it is like for those who are mostly defined? Do they just know? Does that mean they know themselves better than I do? The answer feels like it would be yes.

As a result of all my questioning, I keep being led back to my Human Design: Self-Projected Projector.

April 3rd

Here is what I wrote in my journal on April 3:

Yesterday, I watched an NDE account that really spoke to me. Well, my guidance/Team spoke to me but so did the woman in the video. 

What was so real to me about this account was her specific experiences with her “teacher”. Not only did he appear like I’ve seen my teachers/guides, but her descriptions, reactions, feelings – everything – resonated deeply with me. What was especially noteworthy was her return and integration. Though she didn’t call what she experienced a “walk-in” that is what came to my mind. She was still herself, just an upgraded version, one that was deeply in touch with her HS, spirit, and Home. She retained that connection when she returned to her body and was able to live life in both worlds, shifting from one to the other as needed. It took her 8 years but slowly she rearranged her life so that it matched her truth.

When I was listening my guidance would come through. Sometimes I could hear words, other times I just felt deeply a Knowing that the time was upon me to do what this woman had done. I knew that my integration process was nearly complete. I had reintegrated into the walk-out’s life (former self), learning, observing, being that version despite many things feeling not quite right. I had made some significant changes along the way, but not all of them. Attachment had left one major decision hanging. I have fear of letting the people I love down, of being myself rather than who they wanted me to be. This is the exact message the woman in the video leaves the audience with in the end. She says that people are not really afraid of death, they are afraid of life and of living their truth – living authentically. This is because, in living our truth, we disappoint or let down those we love most. We don’t want to hurt them and so set aside what is best for ourselves to make them happy, to keep those we love comfortable. But in doing so we abandon and even lose ourselves along the way.

What she said deeply resonated with me to the point that I was left somewhat in awe. I Remembered and with that I recognized how this experience I have chosen, this life in this body, is a gift, one that I have been wasting because I don’t want to disappoint or upset those I love most.

Afterward, I went on long walk and had communication come through from my Team. It was subtle at first, like a whisper and feelings that bubbled to the surface of my consciousness. Ultimately, I noticed and some of what I was absorbing translated into words. I remember feeling this amazing feeling of being powerful and supported. It felt like the world is my oyster. I looked around me at the sky and world and thought how beautiful this world is and how many possibilities exist for me in it. I recognized that I feared creating what I wanted in this world because I worried it would be wrong, hurt someone or worse. My past experiences left me feeling I had hurt others and not been my best self. One of the things the woman in the video said is that she no longer judges herself. She becomes the observer (something I have been taught how to do) and so is able to move through life quite smoothly. 

The day continued and most of this realization was put aside as I went through the motions of life. As night approached I could not sleep. 

When I woke the next morning I was thinking of some things I had read in some posts in a FB group about my HD type – self-projected Projector (SPP). Not only did the creator of HD indicate that Projectors were not meant to be parents (but we can) but also that long-term relationships were not necessarily good for a Projector. My type specifically can end up feeling trapped and unable to free themselves from a relationship. Other SPP’s have indicated that they have similar patterns to myself when in a committed relationship. Here is an example:

I’ve realized today that in all my romantic relationships, I always feel the need to focus 100% on the connection. I do really love to guide people, with friendships I can keep a distance, but whenever I have a genuine deep connection that can evolve to a romantic relationship, that becomes my main focus in life. All my other goals go out of the window .I’ve thought for a long time I’m anxiously attached or codependent, but after focusing 100% on myself for more than a year and feeling absolutely blessed and being convinced I only need a relationship with myself, I don’t think that’s it.

Even more so, I get to see the relationship as my life’s work, a project that could bring me life lessons. And I stop directing energy to myself. It a OR me OR them situation. I can’t see it as a part of my life, it’s all or nothing.
Could this be a Projector-thing? Does anyone recognize themselves in this?

When I read this post I was thinking, “That is me!” In both my marriages this has been the case. And the comments in the group indicate that I am not alone! There were some who had navigated successful marriages but most indicated they did better alone or in long-distance relationships where they had separate residences. The married ones said they only did well because their partner actively worked on themselves. Another who was married was contemplating divorce but indicated that love was not the issue. 

So, it feels to me like the only way I am going to get any clarity on my life is to get away from the relationship I am in. I need to be apart from him, to return to living for myself so that I can get back in touch with myself.

Projectors Need Their Space

I have since been focusing on how I can create in my life more space for myself. I need a place apart from my family, one where I can be immersed in nature. A space where I am not overly influenced by my husband or children’s wants/needs all the time. I think if I can create a space like this for myself that I can in turn re-discover myself.

I spoke to my husband about my realization and he is supportive and wants to help me create this space. He would stay in our home with the kids and I would be in my space for as long or as little as I need. It could end up permanent and he accepts this as a possibility.

We are just in the brainstorming stage for the time being. The most obvious place to start is my family’s land in the country, the same land where our old house sits and where other family members, including my mom, now reside. There is a total of 47 acres so there is plenty of room! My mom is in the process of creating a spiritual retreat on this land. I have an idea of maybe building a cabin on this retreat land as a contribution to her vision. It would be like a donation to the space, so my husband and I would own “stock” in it. Though I haven’t presented the idea to her just yet, I think she will be open to it. Why wouldn’t she? A free cabin. They (my mom and step-dad) want to build cabins on it anyway. I could live there when I want, get my space and be in nature.

This may or may not pan out and that is okay.

To make it clear, my idea is not to shrug off all my responsibilities. The idea is to get enough space and time alone to get to a place where I can feel into myself and what I want without interference from others. With my tendency to take on others’ wants/desires/goals and put aside my own wants/desires/goals, I feel I need to do this. I don’t know how long it will take.

Is It Me? Or is it You?

The last main consideration I’ve had is in regards to my telepathic ability. In HD, those with a completely open head center, like I have, are capable of telepathy and this is true for me. I’ve experienced it all my life but only recently did I experience true telepathy. True telepathy goes beyond just knowing what another is thinking, it is the ability to communicate in real time with another via thought and emotion. It also includes the ability to share experiences, not just in present time but past and future.

Not long ago I met someone online who I discovered I could telepathically communicate with. It was amazing and I honestly have never met anyone like him. The connection remains and we seem to be able to turn it on or off at will.

The issue I’ve been running into lately is that I have cut ties with this person, yet I still feel the connection. I don’t know if I can dissolve it as it feels to exist beyond just this plane of existence. This person is able to purposefully communicate with me and I receive it. The most recent time (prior to my cutting ties) I didn’t know he was doing this and I thought I was losing my mind until he confessed that he had been purposefully sending communications. Yikes!

Considering my thoughts and feelings lately, I suspect more of this kind of communicating is going on. At first it created all kinds of self-doubt. Maybe I was wrong to cut ties? Maybe I should reconnect? There were feelings coming up, memories, ideas. This would happen out of the blue and then all would go quiet.

This morning I feel more clarity and am convinced that most if not all of my self-doubt stems from this communication, communication that is most definitely deliberate. I have decided to pay more attention to where the thoughts/feelings originate.

I am still in a bit of shock to think that such types of communication are a reality for me. It is easy to forget or assume it is not real. But it is real. Considering I am working on finding myself, getting my own space in order to re-discover myself, the last thing I need is someone trying to influence me from afar! How do you get space from that!?

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Overwhelm

Today has been a rough one so far. WTF is going on?

Firstly, I woke up in a rotten mood with all kinds of “oh poor me” thoughts and wanting to give up on life. I’m saying to myself, “I can’t do this anymore. There’s just too much to do. I’m overwhelmed.” I want to curl up in a ball and die. The other me is going, “Whaaaat!??? We were doing so good! Get out of bed and get over it.” lol

The overwhelm followed me downstairs. My husband hadn’t woken up and my two oldest were up alone preparing for school. So I had to help them and had to literally put shoes on my son because he was outright refusing to get them or even wear them. Then I discovered he lost his brand new coat (on-going coat loss issues…this is like the 3rd coat lost now). The bus comes to our front door but they still nearly missed it and my son left his glasses. I nearly fell to the floor in a heap from the overwhelm. I had thoughts like, “I can barely take care of myself how the hell can I take care of three kids? I can’t remember everything for them every day, all the time. I need help! I can’t do this….” Blah, blah. You get it. I felt like a total failure on the verge of complete mental breakdown.

Things got a bit better after I had my coffee but I got in my mind that humans were a lost cause, only caring about external validation and whether they were liked or not. Everyone always wants something from everyone else. It’s rampant. A disease. I even made up a song I was singing to myself to try and make light of the very “sad” situation here on Earth. In fact the song chorus was, “Humans are so sad…” lol

Then I nearly forgot Monty had a vet appointment so rushed there without issue. The appointment went okay except I had to take my youngest because I had not planned ahead and gotten my husband’s help. Taking a 3-year-old with a puppy to the vet is challenging. He threw a tantrum over not being able to hold the leash in the parking lot. Sigh.

On the way to the car I let Monty sniff around in the parking lot. It was nearly empty with few cars so I just tried to enjoy walking around for a bit. Elek tried to pee when Monty did (boys!) and then he decided to run full-out in circles in the parking lot. I let him because no one was driving about where he was. It was empty and open and without any dangers.

Then I hear a woman yelling out, “Oh my God, she’s not watching her baby!” I paused and looked to see where it was coming from. A black SUV had stopped in front of Pet’s Mart and a woman was looking out the window at me. I thought, “Is she talking to me?” I turned and saw Elek running about happily, saw he was fine and in no danger and then looked at Monty thinking maybe the “baby” was him. But Monty was fine.” The woman yelled at me, “No, not him! You’re baby!” I knew she was talking to me then. The Leo in me was absolutely furious but the mommy in me was thinking, “Get them in the car.” The woman was still parked there staring at me. I could feel her eyes on us, watching. For all I knew she was going to drive up and give me a piece of her mind. I didn’t want a confrontation. I just wanted to get my boys home.

I got them both in the car and noticed the black SUV driving away slowly. I remember I was shaking a bit. Not sure exactly why. Maybe a bit of fear mixed with a bit of anger. Mostly I was shocked that someone would so easily judge me like that. The whole drive home I was thinking, “I should have flipped her off. I should have explained…no that would have been stupid….I should have…” Eventually I calmed down and thought, “No I did exactly the right thing.” But I was furious as her, at women like her, who jump to conclusions and decide they are mother of the year and the only ones who know how to take care of a child. Ultimately, I realize that if she was judging me that harshly then she is judging herself 10x more. I felt sorry for her and even imagined how she must be like with her kids. Helicopter parent popped into my mind, too. Sigh. I’ve been there. Terrified that any minute I would lose sight of my child and they would be hurt or worse. But I have three children now and by number 3 (and 2 boys) you kinda realize things, things that had I tried to explain to the woman she would never have understood.

Sadly, during that incident I got an awful headache that has still not lessened. 😦 Stupid humans. LOL

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Elek with Monty at the Vet clinic.

I have since concluded that today is throwing at me things I need to work on. Not in a subtle way either. Yesterday was not much different but today life is doing what my guides and dreams usually do. Motherhood. Expectations. Beliefs. The need for external validation. All of it thrown in my face as soon as I woke up. And the day is only half over.

And then I wonder why the hell I opted to be an empath and feel people’s thoughts. Especially now. It is like people are throwing their thoughts and feelings at me. I am being bombarded constantly when I go out and even in my own home. I just want to find a shelter and hide there away from any other human-people. lol Give me my dog or any animal, but no humans please.

The incident with the woman in the parking lot showed me how much I absorbed others feelings/thoughts and take them on as my own. My immediate thought to her yelling at me was, “Am I a bad mom?” I let her thoughts/feelings override my own Knowing. I am a good mom. Yet in that moment I doubted it. Just for a split second but that is all it takes.

On the drive home I was wondering why people can’t just keep it all to themselves. Not just their words but their energy. Don’t they know others can feel it? And if they can’t withhold it, can’t they at least be aware of it and make adjustments? It’s not that difficult. Not really.

It’s like little Monty. He is very empathic. His reaction to humans is completely dependent upon the human interacting with him. If he senses anger, irritation, upset, anxiety, he responds in kind even if the emotion he senses is not directed at him. I’ve never had a dog as empathic as this little guy. It blows my mind.

So now I am wondering if I somehow became more empathic over this past year? Is this how I am going to be the rest of my time here? It is really starting to freak me out a bit. The way I receive communication from people both online and in person has changed. I can sense between the lines, between their words. I have always been able to do this but now, now I get complete thoughts, as if they are my own, but I recognize they aren’t. Sometimes they feel almost like a suggestion. Other time they a repetitive, like the intention from the person being sent in waves toward me.

For example, when I went to the CPR class, the teacher’s intentions and thoughts were coming to me. At first I was thinking to myself, “Hmmm. I wonder if I would like doing this for a living? It looks like it is something that suits me….” I had thoughts on and off throughout the class. At one point he began asking me personally about my teaching experience and digging a bit. Eventually I began to suspect the thoughts were not mine because of their repetitiveness and the instructors curiosity about me. I began to wonder, “Maybe he wants to know if I want to teach CPR like he does?” I never asked. I was dealing with overwhelm enough as it was.

At the end of the class he casually mentioned his business and asks the class as a whole, “If any of you is interested in doing what I do, contact me. I am trying to start my own business and branch out on my own.” I thought to myself, “It was him! I heard him wondering about me this whole time.” lol

This is just one example. If I am out and about I even sense what people in other cars are thinking/feeling. I can’t escape it. I am doomed.

I know there are worse things but honestly I don’t want it right now. I don’t want to have to protect myself or be constantly analyzing my own thoughts for intruding ones. I know others don’t mean to but it feels like they are pushing their thoughts and feelings at me. It isn’t just the normal empathic sense that I’m use to. It really feels like an all out attack sometimes. I know it’s not. They don’t know, but I am now starting to understand something my guidance mentioned at one point a while back. We humans do not realize how loud our thoughts and emotions are. We are constantly projecting! We are completely open books for anyone with any telepathic ability to manipulate. Ahhhhhh!