I think all my reading of channeled messages has gone to my head. Specifically I have been analyzing all of my physical, emotional and spiritual changes in the past 18 months. It is hard to lump them all into the category of “ascension” because for 10 months of the past 18 months I was pregnant. Also, I am still having a tough time categorizing my experiences; labeling them as some ascension process or even a second spiritual awakening. Ultimately, when I seek clarification from my guides I still get told that I am undergoing a “merging” process. For me, that explanation is acceptable and so much easier than all the mess of information out there about what is happening to so many people right now.

Physically

The year I got pregnant (2013) was perhaps the worst year in my entire life. Actually, scratch out the word “perhaps” – it was the worst. Emotionally I was all screwed up. Blockages everywhere, trying to protect myself from the negative situation I put myself in. But physically I was sick more times in one year than ever I have remembered. First I got a nasty cold/cough that went on for almost a month. Three weeks after that I got the intestinal flu and it lasted 9 days! Skip to the Fall and I got the stomach flu AGAIN, this time while pregnant. Three times in one year is a record for me. I am never sick.

Skip to present time. I’ve had a muscle twitch in my right, deltoid muscle for a few days now. It is only noticeable when I am trying to relax, but when I do notice it I immediately wonder if it is the direct result of all that has been going on within me for the past who-knows-how-long. Today I don’t notice the muscle twitch but I am certain now that it was related to the clearing going on within me.

In the month of August I was hit with an embarrassing physical issue – specifically that my skin got all oily and nasty and my face broke out into what appeared to be a scaly rash. I could not get it to go away and it lasted over a month. I actually ended up hiding out in my house because I looked like a freak (in my opinion). Over that time I struggled with problems as a result, specifically that my husband got angry at me for my hermit-ways. I also struggled with my own vanity issues. Fun! – Not. I finally went to a dermatologist who said it was the result of 1. stress and 2. hormones. I was put on antibiotics and within days it vanished. Yay!

Another interesting change that I have noticed is that a physical ailment I have had since before pregnancy disappeared almost over night. I won’t go into detail on it but it was so concerning me that I was considering visiting my doctor to have it checked out and make sure it was benign.

One physical ailment that still has not abated has been, dare I say it? – hot flashes. I am not actually sure what is happening is hot flashes but I will say that out of the blue I feel hot and my forehead will start to perspire. I will not feel anxious when it starts but amidst it I will get a strong uncomfortable feeling and immediately want to stand in front of the fridge or turn down the a/c. I most commonly experience this over-heating phenomenon as soon as I wake in the morning, especially if I jump out of bed quickly. However, I will also have it hit me when speaking to others. Interestingly enough, it rarely happens during the day when I am alone and calm, leading me to believe it is the result of me picking up energies of others.

Another physical phenomenon that has been happening since the start of my pregnancy (leading me to believe it is hormone-related) has been intense sweating for no apparent reason. I don’t feel hot when it happens, either. When I first brought it up during pregnancy my doctor was concerned that it might be a thyroid condition. I was suppose to be checked out but never did. I figured it would stop after delivery of my baby, but it hasn’t, though it is not as frequent in occurrence.

Part of me can just chock all of the physical changes I have been experiencing to just having a baby in March of this year. But I have to say, this being my third baby and all, IF everything is just related to postpartum crapola, then why has this particular postpartum resulted in so much residual physical change?

Energetically

Energetically I have been a wreck since the year my dog, Trooper, died. It is like I was hit with a wall of emotional overload and just fell to the ground and curled up into a fetal position. It is odd to me that the loss of a pet would do that to me but we all have our breaking points. I guess that was mine.

I spent the majority of my pregnancy trying to cope with an intense anger at life and everyone around me. It didn’t make sense to me. I am not an angry person usually. Somehow I managed to get past it, but it wasn’t fun.

There was also a deep sadness that has been following me the entire time. When I succumb to it I cannot describe the depths of the anguish I feel. I have written a bit about the homesickness I have felt recently; the intense desire to check out of this life accompanied it. It hit me hard and out of the blue as well. But overall, I have always carried that feeling with me. Perhaps I have stripped away so much of my defenses and finally gotten near the core of the pain I have carried with me life after life?

Spiritually

Spiritually I have learned so much about myself but ultimately I still do not understand what all is going on. I mentioned in a previous post that I have been feeling drawn to read channeled messages. I still do not prefer to read them, though. There are few that I can read all the way through because of their repetitiveness. Another part about them that does not sit well with me is that there is so much written in them about Galactic this or Galactic that, DNA restructuring and other strange things. I mostly skip over that stuff because, honestly, I do not believe any of that matters. What is happening is happening because it needs to. Oh and yeah, it has happened before. It is nothing new. Yet what I read suggests it is a special thing happening to Earth and its inhabitants. Perhaps this is Ego interference? Because I have recalled many lives not on this planet and, trust me, it is not unusual. Even though change in this direction is new to Earth, if you go back far enough to early man you will find we all started out deeply connected to our Selves and this is just a return to that.

I figure I am being led to read these messages to find a message meant for me, so I read them and ultimately I do find validation about what I am going through. And that is the whole point, isn’t it? Perhaps there are some people who enjoy thinking that they are part of some “Galactic Federation” or like to believe they are receiving messages from the Pleiades. I find it distracts from the real message and maybe that is what it is intended to do. All I know is that I have learned to tune into my Self and only accept that which rings true to me.

So what do you all think about the messages you have read? Do you believe that people really are channeling Angels, ascended masters, and Pleadians? The Galactic Federation? or The Council? Do you believe our DNA is being changed? That we are being “downloaded” with information?

Take Caution

I always re-read what I have written in my posts. I do this multiple times to make sure it makes sense and flows. After reading over it just now I heard a message pop into my head. Caution. Take caution when reading the channeled messages out there. This is not so much for me – as I am wary of them by nature – but to those of you who do read them. They will distract you from Life if you become dependent upon them and this process they speak of.

Imagine that there was no such thing as the internet and channeled messages were not available to you. The only information you received came from within. That was all you had. How would it be different? How would you be different? Would you be able to tune into your Self to find your truth?

How would the changes you are experiencing be different?

When I ask myself these questions I realize that what I am going through would be unchanged. I have gotten validation through a couple of channeled messages, but really all that I know came from within. Yet I know there are so, so many out there who have not reached a level of understanding, who are still not strong in them Selves, to be capable of sifting through copious amounts of empty information in order to leave behind the raw, pure Truth.

So if you find yourself confused by too much information, stop. Stop reading it. Stop surfing the net looking and searching. You can’t find yourself there. You are right here. YOU. That is the ultimate source of Truth. There is no other who knows you like you do. No other who can answer your questions so precisely and truthfully.

I know I will not be looking at these messages anymore. They do me no good. They clutter my mind and infest me with confusion and questions. Perhaps that was my lesson. Is it also yours?