Monthly Archives: September 2014

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Underground Warehouse – July, 2014

This week has been exhausting. My mornings start at 5:30am and I often do not get to bed until 10:30-11pm. Then my baby wakes up 2-3 times a night, so my sleep is continually interrupted even with the help of my husband. It is no wonder that last night, after being woken up for the fourth time, I crawled out of bed and carried a pillow and blanket to my son’s room to try and get some sleep.

Noticing I had left and obviously sleep deprived himself, my husband stomped into the room and left baby with me, yelling something at me that I could not hear through my earplugs. Realizing I wouldn’t get anymore sleep I got up and took baby back into our bedroom and then went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. It was 6am by that time I had given up on sleep yet I did not want to get up. Since baby was back asleep, I went back to my son’s room and laid down on his bed.

I was obviously upset. My whole body felt stiff and thoughts were running through my head about how to figure out how I could get a reprieve. I felt like there was no where to go to get some peace and quiet. Although my commute and time at work is time alone it is not a relaxing time. So, all I could think about was how to find time for myself, but I couldn’t see that happening.

As my thoughts raced I realized that time alone just wasn’t going to happen. I kept thinking over and over, “I want out”. At the time I felt unable to control these thoughts. Although I have been ultra busy and exhausted these last two weeks, my mood has been high even when at my tiredest. I guess it caught up to me.

After what seemed like a long time, I suddenly noticed that my body was no longer tense. Instead my body felt relaxed and almost floaty. It was then that I heard my guide say, “You feel better now, don’t you?” The thoughts were gone and I began to hear the words to the Lumineers song Stubborn Love going through my mind – “Keep you head up, my love”. Recognizing that I could finally sleep, I drifted off.

Underground Warehouse

I soon found myself in a semi-lucid dream walking towards a house. I was with some others and we were talking about the house as if it were the new house we just moved into but it didn’t look anything like our new home. It was brown instead of white and seemed dark and gloomy. It was also dark outside.

Inside I was drowsy and not fully alert. My mind felt foggy as I drifted down our stairs to the kitchen. My husband was there with our children and I went to the table to eat dinner with them. The entire time I felt like

I did not belong there; like a stranger in a strange new place. The feeling became strong, so I left the table and went to the bar to eat. I looked down at the pasta I was eating and then felt eyes on me. It was my husband giving me a questioning look. I told him I preferred to eat at the bar. 

The feeling of the dream was similar to how I felt when I fell asleep – I wanted out. So I walked outside and into the road where there were some parked cars. It was twilight and for some reason I was carrying in my hand a piece of bread.

As I walked farther out into the road, a orange striped cat came running towards me and grabbed onto the bread. I let it go so he could have it and noticed the cat was young, maybe only 1 year old, and very hungry. I told him he could have the bread and watched as he growled defensively and began to devour it. That was when I saw another cat of similar age come out, a little black tabby. I remember thinking the cats were abandoned and that we could give them a good home. I walked toward them and spoke softly to them so as to not scare them. That was when I noticed that the piece of bread was now a little black and white hamster. Not wanting it to die, I quickly gathered it up in my hands before they decided to eat it.

The scene went dark and I soon found myself walking outside of the house with a man. He was talking about a basement and showing me the door. I walked over the top of the basement, a large concrete slab, remarking that it might be a tornado shelter but soon decided it was too large for that.

We descended stairs and inside I was surprised to find a huge warehouse structure with steel beams. It was enormous! There were various objects around and I remember thinking about how we could use the space and talking about putting our trampoline in there as well as a weight room. As I looked around me, I remember seeing an old, white 1950s car (corvette?) and baby toys among other things. I also saw mechanic’s tools and a crane. There were others with me, both male and female, and I talked with them though I don’t remember what we talked about.

 As we talked, I kept feeling like I wanted to sleep but managed to stay awake. I believe this sleepiness is a result of my awareness shifting. I remember at one point I saw my husband holding our baby the wrong way and swooped in to save him from falling. This woke me up quite a bit and my awareness heightened.

As I was preparing to leave the warehouse I saw an adjoining warehouse just as big, if not bigger, than the one we were in. They called it the “game room” and I could see that it had a large air hockey set up where the figures were about half the size of a grown man. At first I was not interested in it but finally I went closer to see it. I noticed the platform that was holding the set up was partly broken down. I never went into the room. I recall telling my guides several times throughout this dream sequence, “I don’t want to be here” and “I want to stay”. The first statement at first seemed that I did not want to be in the dream but as the dream progressed I realized I was referring to being in this life, with my family, at this particular moment. The latter statement referred to me staying with my guides.

Astral Message

Recognizing that I was in a dream, I began to take control of my surroundings. The scene in front of me once again blacked out and I could feel the familiar shift in energy that comes from moving from one level to the next. I did not resist and allowed myself to make the transition.

When my vision returned I was standing in my son’s bedroom looking at the window, most likely very near my sleeping physical body (I wish I had thought to look at it!). I moved toward the window and  raised the blinds. I looked out and saw that my front yard was dusted with a light dusting of snow. It was sparkling and brilliant, appearing almost like tiny diamonds below me. I recall thinking the snow was not normal; that it must mean something but could not figure out exactly what.

Excited to get out of the house and explore, I opened the window and pushed out the screen. Standing on the edge of the window I peered down at what appeared to be a huge drop down to the snow below. I looked across at our oak tree and saw a pear, ripe for the picking, sparkling with specks of ice. I intended to pick the pear and for a moment hesitated, worrying I would drop to the ground instead of fly. Discarding my doubt I jumped out of the window.

At first I did fly but soon found myself pulled towards the ground. It was as if I were being led down – a very gradual downward pull/nudge. When I reached the ground I immediately bounced back up, willing myself to fly up and over the neighborhood . Yet I hesitated. Instead I looked down at the dusting of sparkling snow below and felt like I needed to go down this time.

When I got down to ground level I was met by two women who were standing in front of my garage. I knew them and greeted them enthusiastically, saying, “Hi!”. Both women were short. One was approximately 5ft tall and the other just a bit taller than that. I seemed to tower above them both.

The shorter woman had salt and pepper hair that was cut short in the typical style women in their 50s will wear. She reminded me of a woman I know in real life. She replied back to me, “Hi Dayna”. She was the one who was doing most of the talking although the other woman stayed close.

I told her, “I want to stay” but I did not have any feelings of sadness. It was just a statement of fact.

The woman smiled and said, “I know but you need to play the game”. I remember holding onto the word “game” and thinking to myself, “She called it a game”.

Although I don’t remember the rest of what she told me, I do remember that her message was clear. I could not stay there with them. I had things to do. I would get rest soon and just needed to be patient.

While the shorter woman was talking, another taller woman approached us from the side. She had been there all along but I had not really focused on her. She was very tall, probably about 6ft, and had short blonde hair. She appeared to be in her 40s and I would describe her as very German-like. Her demeanor was that of a very strong woman and she held herself very tall and stiff. I laugh now to think about her, as she looks almost identical to an actress (don’t know her name) who often plays German female characters who are strict and dictatorial. I remember that she seemed very displeased with what was going on. I got the distinct feeling that I was not suppose to be there and she was unhappy that I had been allowed to return and meet with them. I didn’t understand this and did not linger on it. I could care less that she was unhappy with me. I was there!

The three of them stood there with me and I was completely happy to be in their company. I turned and hugged each of them enthusiastically, kneeling down to hug the shorter of the three. I remember that when I hugged the tall, blonde that her stiffness softened and she hugged me back. I excitedly called out their names, calling the short woman “Mary” and the tall woman, “Christina”. When I called the short woman Mary I changed my mind and said, “No, it’s Maria”. She nodded and said, “Yes, Maria”. This pleased me to no end and I was just happy being there in their company.

It was then that Maria began to walk away with the other two. I watched her leave and then she stopped and turned around. She said to me, “Just remember to….” but stopped. I said, “What?” She seemed to reconsider her words and said, “Never mind. Just tell Daniella….” but again she stopped. I got the feeling she did not want me to remember and so stopped as I was holding on to every word she said with quite a bit of interest.

I do recall repeating what they said in my mind several times in order to remember. When she said the name Daniella I was confused. I thought, Who is Daniella? I don’t know her.

The scene went black as Maria walked away and I felt the familiar pull back into my body. As my energy settled I opened my eyes and realized I had been OOB.

Considerations

This is the first time I have had an astral experience like this (that I can remember anyway). Usually I do not get pulled toward the ground. In fact, I usually feel the opposite – pulled up. And never has my astral trip been so specifically focused upon me meeting up with my guides in such a way. Not only did I recognize these three women but I called them by name. Where were the familiar male guides I usually see in astral?

I can tell that I am advancing based upon this experience. I was very aware of the two different aspects of my Self throughout. There was the me that wanted to fly and explore (the “child”), and then there was the me who was purpose-driven and there for a reason the other me did not know about. Though distinctly different, the two were in harmony and felt more like two parts of a whole. I also seemed to know that my guides had called me there and then I remembered them and their names.

There was also so much that was not spoken aloud in this experience. The overall messages that were passed between myself and the others and between the three of them was that I was not suppose to be astralling at this time because it created problems. Mainly, it caused and increase in my desire to leave this body. I got the distinct impression that the other two female guides had chosen to speak to me and the third one was not in full agreement. It actually felt similar to parents disagreeing on how to discipline and parent a child, one insisting on following the rules and the other insisting on exceptions to those rules. Regardless, I was allowed to meet up with them and it was made very clear that I must fulfill my purpose before leaving this life.

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The Blue Light People – May, 2012

This was a dream I had a few weeks ago and it was so detailed and real-like that I still remember every bit of it. I am convinced that it is connected to a past life of mine, probably a looooong time ago on some distant and now extinct planet. Then again, there is always the possibility that it is just a dream created in my subconscious as I slept but with all the past lives I have remembered and my conviction that we are all very, very old souls who have lived numerous lives, I am convinced that this dream is composed of real memories.

The first scene of the dream opened with me (a young, short woman with shoulder length brown hair) and a group of people who I considered family but who were not connected to me by blood. We were on assignment in a new land (planet), sent to figure out why communication with the inhabitants had suddenly stopped. We came to a large lake that was so big we couldn’t see the other side. Across it was a bridge but it was not a typical bridge, it was made of wood like a typical bridge but instead of being built up on pillars over the water, it spread out across the top of the water like a never-ending pier. It was wide enough to fit two cars and when we walked on it, it moved and adjusted itself to our weight. It was like walking on a water bed!

When we got to the other side we saw a blonde woman, unkempt and dirty with a frantic look in her eye. She actually looked like she was a bit crazy, her eyes wide and erratic. She saw us, dropped something and fled into the undergrowth. The entrance to the compound was eerily quiet but in perfect order. I went and stooped down to pick up what the woman had dropped. It was an ID card with her picture on it. I used the card to gain entrance to the compound, swiping it on a device standing near the entrance.

When we went inside there was no one around. No mess, no disorder, just quiet and still, as if awaiting everyone’s arrival. We saw the reception desk and moved around to a small room. It was set up like a gathering place but also had merchandise like jewelry and clothing on racks in the back of the room. Our leader told us to gather what we needed/wanted, and so I picked up a box and began to rummage through the items, picking out a nice necklace and some other things I felt I might need.

We left the gathering place and went into the courtyard or commons area. There were overgrown gardens and some debris littering the ground. I noticed three white goats tied to a fence. They were alive but very skinny. I went and released them but only one moved toward the grass it had been unable to reach when it was tied up. The other two were in apathy, resigned to die despite their freedom.

After the compound and finding no inhabitants remaining, we moved out to the dirt roads that had been used by the inhabitants to get from one compound to the next. We traveled down one for a while, meeting no one along the way, until we came upon a refueling station. At the entrance of the station there was an emergency vehicle. It had a compartment for storing the deceased. It was abandoned and had long run out of fuel, it’s door wide open. This was the first sign that something had gone wrong. We went inside the store to investigate.

As we entered the store looked much like the compound we had explored. It, however, was obviously meant to provide for the immediate needs of the people who passed through. It had a dining area with vaulted ceilings that were held up with large wooden beams and decorated with elaborate lighting. The shop was simple, with a clerk’s station and rows of clothing and other items to choose from. I remember looking at small children’s shoes and thinking of my current daughter (in this life). This was one of the few places where my current life seemed to intervene and take over for a short time in the dream.

While I was browsing the shoes a young girl, about 15, came running out of nowhere. She was upset with me because I was rummaging through things and not putting them back in their place. Like the blonde woman we encountered initially upon entering the compound, this girl’s eyes were wild and she seemed frazzled and mentally unstable. She muttered something I could not understand and started putting things back in their places. At one point she got so upset that she stopped and clearly said, “You’ll be sorry”. She did something I did not recognize and looked up at the vaulted ceiling. Night was approaching and I could see the colors of the sunset through the windows in the top of the ceiling. As I looked up I saw a strange blue light with yellowish coloring around the edges. It built up from the base of the ceiling on four or five sides and all parts of the light came together in the center. It got very bright and stayed that way for a while. All this time the young girl was looking up and smiling a crazy smile. She said, “The Blue Light Army is coming” and then scurried away out of the building and into the shadows that were quickly becoming darker as night approached.

Everyone in my group began to feel anxious. Something was wrong. I remember thinking, “What was the Blue Light Army?” We all assumed the blue light was a bad omen, a beacon calling this “army” to come. What would they do? Would they capture us? Kill us?

We didn’t have much time to figure out what to do. The night was falling quickly and one person alerted the rest of the group to look out the windows. When I looked there was a blue haze that stretched in all directions. It was building and getting closer to the building and within it I could see the outlines of individual human-like figures. The blue haze was all around and those that had thought of escaping to the outside, me included, quickly changed their minds. We all decided to climb up onto the wooden beams in the ceiling in hopes of staying hidden.

We waiting in the ceiling, holding our breaths. I remember thinking to myself, “Be quiet” and hoping others would do the same. I listened and it was quiet; not one sound. It was a terrifying silence. I heard a creak as the door opened and looked down through the darkness and blue haze, trying hard to find out what this Blue Light Army looked like.

A man walked through the door. He was wearing normal clothing, not armor. He had no weapons. He looked normal. He was followed by a woman, and then another man, and another man, and another. All of them seemed normal except that they had this blue light, like an aura, surrounding them. There were so many of them that they crowded into the space making it look tiny.

What kind of army was this? This was no army!

I relaxed a bit. There was no reason to be afraid! Obviously, some of the others in my group also relaxed because one slipped a bit and knocked a piece of wood onto the floor. All the people of this supposed army stopped and looked up. We had been discovered. Specifically, the man who slipped and made the noise had been discovered.

The passive group of blue light people instantly changed into a mob of intensely crazy animal-like savages. As they looked up I could see their eyes, they were an intense blue and bright but ominously empty of life. One tall one reached up and grabbed the leg of the man who had made the mistake of moving. He was dragged down into the crowd of blue light people. I heard him shriek and say, “No!” Within seconds he could not be seen. The group of blue light people enveloped him and savagely tore at his body. I looked away to avoid seeing the carnage. It was awful and my heart sank into my stomach.

I jumped down from my hiding place and raced towards the door of the building. Others in my group did the same. We ran outside and into the undergrowth, away from the grizzly scene, panicked from the chaos we had just witnessed. We were not followed by the blue light people. We hid in the undergrowth for the rest of the night, scared to move and praying we would not be discovered.

In the morning I awoke and looked around me. I noticed the strange plants around us. They were small bushes with oddly shaped leaves. There was water nearby from a lake. Scattered at our feet were tiny, yellow fruit. I picked one up and ate it. It was good so I gathered some up for later.

We all quietly gathered together and moved farther into the woods. We would be avoiding the roads from now on. We hoped to find the people that the blonde woman and young girl surely lived with. But where were they? How could we find them? The blue light people were obviously infected with something or had become crazed from living on this planet. We did not want to contract whatever they had, but we did not know enough about it to be sure we could avoid it. I felt a bit paranoid and scared but knew I must move on. We all felt this way. So we moved on.

When I awoke from the dream the vision of the beacon of blue light stayed with me as did the blue light people. It felt familiar in some way and I was glad that I was not back on that planet facing them. I shivered from the thought of it.

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Past Lives Part II – Continued Once More

1860s – California

I am a man in California. I was not ugly, but I was rough and hard, my face wrinkled from hours in the sun and on the trail. I had light to medium brown hair, which had been blond in my youth, and I had a mustache and beard. My eyes were light, green I think. My body was thin and muscular but I did have a small belly.

I didn’t always live in California, I move there from the eastern US because of a job. I was in law enforcement and the gold rush had brought disorder to California. I mainly stayed in San Francisco, but my job took me all over the territory.

I remember that I had a wife, but she refused to move west with me. I remember that she was  very beautiful and frail with long black hair and porcelain skin. Since we lived so far apart, letters were our only contact. In those times I grew very listless and depressed. I found myself going against my marriage vows and spending the nights with prostitutes and whores. I had tried to resist the urge but had fallen victim to the devil and felt unable to control my desires. Eventually, it became a habit to visit a saloon and have a woman or two. The whiskey I drank helped me to numb my guilt. I drank only in the evenings at first, but the whiskey eventually became a daily, even hourly habit.

My main memory of this life was my death. I was in a hotel room, one or two stories up, in San Francisco when I died. I had felt ill the entire day and had stayed in my room hoping to “sleep it off”. I died in bed, in a drunken haze, from what I assume was liver failure, or maybe even a heart attack.

When I recalled this life I did not want to look at it or even confront that I could ever have lived such a life. The guilt from the life was overpowering. Not only had I been untrue to my wife, but I had been untrue to myself. Though I was successful in my job and was able to provide for my wife, I resisted the urge to leave my job and my whole promise of a future career to return to my wife, where I knew I would be much happier.

1920 – Midwest – Kansas and Tennessee

This life was a spontaneous recollection. I was unprepared for the horror of it. That account I will save for my own personal journal to save you from the details of it.

My first memory was of my mother. She was beautiful! She had long brown hair and would brush it over and over. I would also have my hair brushed, as would my sister. Mother would sing and cuddle with us. It was a wonderful memory.

Then mother got sick. I don’t know what it was, some kind of fever, but she died a week or so later. She left me, my sister and my father alone.

A few months after my mother’s passing my father began to come to my room at night. At first he would just hold me and stroke my hair. He would talk of mother and cry. Usually he had been drinking.

Then he started to touch me and eventually he began to use me for his own pleasure. I, being his oldest and loving him as my father, did as I was told. I felt awful, though, as if I were being punished for something. I oftentimes wondered what I did wrong and asked God why, praying and looking to the stars at night (note: when I first recalled this life it was the smell of my father – the alcohol and sweat of him – that I remembered the strongest. Remembering that part was the worst which is why I don’t go into much detail here).

I soon became afraid for my younger sister. I saw how he looked at her. We shared a room and I knew that she would be next. I tried to be quiet, so as to not wake her, and mostly I succeeded, but I knew she must have woken up because her eyes told me she knew.

The memory jumps to years later. I am a young woman, maybe 16. I reject my father’s advances and run away. I tell a neighbor and they are allow my sister and I to stay with them. Eventually, though, I have to leave, and I travel to Tennessee.

Then my memory jumps to another time. I enter a home and call out “Michael?” I ascend a large staircase in a Victorian looking home. It is eerily quiet. I walked into the bedroom of my infant son. I see him sleeping in his crib and go to give him a kiss. When I get close I realize he isn’t breathing.

I grab him and hold him to my chest, crying uncontrollably. His body is already cold and his face pale. I run to another room, my husband’s study. I find him there, sitting on the bed holding a pistol. His face is emotionless. When he sees me he does not respond to my questions. I am in hysterics when he aims the gun at me and shoots me in between the eyes. I fall dead, holding my dead child.

I remember leaving my body and looking down. I see my husband looking at me. Tears stream down his face. He puts the gun in his mouth and fires.

Another note: When I recalled this past life for the first time, my guide Steven was leading me through it. When I had a question, he helped me sort through the flashes of memories from the life that came as my answers. I wanted to know if my husband had killed my son and I instantly knew he had and even saw in my mind as he smothered him in his crib – this was perhaps one of the hardest to bear and it took a while for me to sort through the emotion of it. I also wanted to know why my husband had done it. I was shown how he had been told by someone he knew in a joking manner about how everyone knew how I “got around”. Apparently I was quite the adulteress and successfully kept it from my husband. When he found out, he assumed his son was not his and was so humiliated that he went into some kind of psychotic state which is why he did what he did.

1963 – Southern USA – Louisiana

This memory came to me after my guide told me one morning, “You died this day in 1963”. Shocked, I immediately went to meditate. In meditation I was shown the last twenty or so years of my life.

I am a black woman in the South. I am petite with shoulder length, straightened hair, high cheekbones and had an almost child-like appearance. I am a nurse and worked for the Red Cross during WWII. I had two children, a son and a daughter, who were teenagers.

My first memory is of standing up to my abusive husband. I met him at the door to our house and shot him in the right shoulder, but was aiming for his heart. He had been abusing my daughter and I was not going to allow it.

My next memory was of my death. I died of liver failure in 1963. I remember my family standing around me singing “I’ll Fly Away”. I left peacefully with my son and daughter at my side. I know my liver failed because I contracted Hepatitis C when I accidentally stabbed myself with a dirty needle.

1971 – Midwestern USA – Kansas

I am a boy of about six. I have blond hair and blue eyes.

My first memory is leaving my mom and our house in a Camaro with a man who I think is my father or at least he is a father figure. I remember my mother waving. She was wearing a blue dress which reminded me of the 1960s.

I remember not liking the man who was driving the car who I assume is my father or step father. He was not very nice and told me to shut up a lot.

My next memory was of being under water. I was holding my breath and looking down at my blue jeans and red, Converse sneakers. I was being held under the water. I tried to kick up to the surface but a man’s hands were holding me down. I could see the rippling of the water above me and could tell it was still light outside, though it was getting darker. I remember wondering why and feeling heart broken as I took in a breath of water and died.

When I left my body I was confused and frantic, heart broken and hurt. I wanted to know why my father/step father had killed me. I wanted to know why and kept asking over and over. The question why was all I could think of as none of the circumstances of my death made any sense to me. I remember talking to two others in Spirit, a man and a woman, who were trying to get me to move past my question of why so that I could move on. I wouldn’t listen to them. I followed my body for a while, watching as it was laid upon a table in a coroner’s office. I tried to re-enter my body, but I couldn’t. I tried time and time again. I remained in this earthbound state from approximately 1971-1974.

At some point I finally listened to the man and woman in Spirit who were trying to help me cross over. I finally accepted that there was no answer that made any logical sense because my father’s action were illogical. When I turned to go with the woman, there was light around me and I finally began to feel peace, but the unanswered question still remained with me as did a feeling of sadness and pity for my father.

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Past Lives Part II Continued

460AD

I am a man. I can barely see and am dizzy. I am very hungry and thirsty. I can see a sandy color all around me and an open window to my left. I can see the blue sky outside. The ground is also sandy colored and I can feel that it is dirt. When I look down at myself I see my ankles are cuffed and chained to the ground. I want to die and try to close my eyes. I hear a man’s voice above me shout, “You can’t die yet” and feel a pain in the side of my head. The dizziness returns and I black out.

1610AD

I recalled this life in hypnosis.

I am a young woman in France, probably around the age of 19. I have dark hair and am about 5 feet tall. I am very thin and fairly attractive. I am married to a Duke or someone of royal ties. He is much older than me and I consider him very unattractive. He has dark hair and is very tall and slender. His nose is very pronounced.  I resent the fact that I am married to my husband. It was an arranged marriage by my parents. I believe I originally came from Spain.

I remember the house that I lived in was very grand. Like a castle and made of stone. It had beautiful green lawns and gardens and down a hill from the house was a pond with swans and tall reeds. It was very peaceful and I often went to sit by the pond and gaze at the beautiful wildlife there.

I know I had a daughter who was the light of my life. I remember taking her to the pond and having picnics with her. She brought meaning to my life and I became happy for the first time since marrying my husband. I was content and at peace with my life and started recognizing just how wonderful my husband was. It caused me to fall in love with him. Life couldn’t get any better.

Then the sickness hit me. I couldn’t breathe and felt weak. I got a fever and had to stay in bed. I hated it. The room was cold and dank. I felt my life slipping away. I was angry and resentful of God for taking me when my life was so wonderful. I hated leaving my daughter behind. I was only 23 when I died of pneumonia.

Around 1700AD

I recalled this life in hypnosis.

I am a Native American man. My first memory is riding a horse bareback when I am very small, about six years old. I recall clutching him with my legs and feeling the wind in my face. It is a pleasant, free feeling.

Then I skip forward and I am a man of about 21. I am quite full of myself. In my short life I already have a wife and two children – sons. I am a great warrior and the best with the bow and arrow of my entire tribe. I am full of spirit and desire to make war with a neighboring tribe who keeps trespassing onto our hunting grounds.

I recall a meeting with our chief. We discuss the other tribe and I let him know my desires to make war with them, or count coup. His decision is final though. We are not to do anything about the other tribe. We are to continue to patrol and hunt, but that is it.

I was furious. I was determined to show our chief that he was wrong. I got together a band of warriors and convinced them that we needed to make a raid on our neighbors. They followed my lead. It was a mistake.

When we approached the neighboring tribe they were alerted to our presence. They came at us with clubs and I was unable to duck down fast enough. I was hit in the head and thrown from my horse. I was killed instantly.

When I recalled this life I remember feeling regret over not listening to my chief. I recall recognizing my lesson and learning it well. Never again would I ignore the wisdom of my elders and I would be wary of having too much pride and not enough heart.

Late 1700s

I recall myself as a woman in this life. I am young, maybe 22-23yrs old. I am a teacher of small children. I am also a nun. I am in the United States in the city of Chicago.

I recall my death first. I am ill and laying in a bed in a very small room. I recall leaving my body and going out the window. As I looked back, I could see the brown colored bricks of the small room I was in and the larger building behind it – the church. I had no regrets, only peace and gratitude for the life I lived.

I recalled at that moment more of my life. I was abandoned on the church doorstep by my mother. The church took me in and the nuns there raised me. As a teenager I became a nun myself and my job was to teach the children at the orphanage.

I rarely went outside the church into town and when I did I felt very alien and uncomfortable. I was very shy and quiet; rarely speaking unless spoken to. I was sad most of my life but I didn’t know why. When I died I had been coughing for some time. I had a fever and when I laid down one night I never woke up.

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Past Lives – Part II AD

80AD

I have recalled pieces of this life at least six times since my first memory of it. This account will be of that first memory. It was spontaneous and came to me in meditation quite unexpectedly.

At first I saw myself. I was a small child. I was maybe six or seven years old with long brown hair. The image I got in my mind looked like that of a wild child. I was wearing animal skin-type clothing that was short sleeved and dirty with holes and worn spots in it. My hair was long and knotted like it had never seen a comb. My face was dirty and I looked like I had been crying. I asked the questions where and when. I got Romania and the year 80AD.

As I looked more closely at the life I saw where I was standing. Around me I saw small fires smoldering. It looked like they were the remains of houses. I could see bodies of men, women and children lying here and there. They had been brutally killed. Most had bloody heads and some had no head at all.

The emotion with the scene was one of complete grief and desperation and finally hopelessness.

When I wondered why, I knew that a rival clan had attacked us and killed everyone except me and my baby brother. When I wondered where my brother was, I knew he had later died and that I was left alone. With that knowledge I then wondered what happened next.

With that thought it was as if I skipped years and flew forward in time. I found myself sitting by a campfire. I was a bit older, maybe 14. I knew I had been allowed to live with another clan. They had taken pity on me when they found me in a condition of near starvation, still hiding out near the scene of devastation that had been the only home I had ever known. Although they had taken me in, they treated me as a animal. I was forced to wait until all were done eating before I got any food, and even the dogs that ran wild around the outskirts of camp often got more food than I. Where I was brought to in my life at this time was when I was separated from the main clan and was with two older men, who also mistreated me. We were all sitting around a fire and they were laughing and carrying on about something but I paid no attention. I was in a state of near psychosis. I had lost all hope in humanity. I had been raped and used for sex since the age of 10. These men were doing with me as all the others had. I had no one who loved me. In fact, I could not remember what love felt like. As I sat there I contemplated death. I wanted to die. Then one of the men came at me for what I knew would only ultimately lead to sex. He took me away from the fire and the other man laughed. I went into a place inside myself and another me took over. The minute the man was distracted, I swiped his knife and in an instant slit his throat. He died quickly. I felt no remorse but was panicked and began to try and think of a way out. Before I could escape the other man came close. Upon seeing the scene he began to move toward me with the intent to kill me. Quickly I took action and jumped on his back. We struggled for a few moments. Somehow I managed to get my arms around him and I slit his throat. He gurgled and did not die quickly. I sat and watched until he was dead. It was at that point all humanity was gone from me and was replaced with someone whose only urge was to survive at all costs.

The feelings that overcame me were so intense that I wanted to deny that I was ever this woman. But the memories continued to come at me.

The next thing I remember is being in a very dense forest. My bed was at the base of a huge pine tree near the edge of a trading route, a dirt trail barely five or six feet wide. I knew I camped out here for a reason. I would attack people by jumping on top of them from my perch in a tree. In an instant I would slit their throat. Then I would take what I wanted of their things – usually food, water, clothing and any valuables I could find – and leave their body by the side of the trail. If they had a horse I would scare it away, but usually I attacked those who were alone and on foot.

I skipped forward again and found myself on a platform. My hands and legs were bound with rope and I could hear people sneering and yelling. I saw that the platform was strewn with food. In an instant I knew I was being executed. My arms and feet slowly being stretched apart until I was torn apart. I remember having no emotion at all. As I was pulled apart I felt myself leave my body. I did not experience any pain. I did not experience any emotion. It was as if my soul was dead.

In the later instances of recalling this life I was able to fill in the blanks with more information. In my youth I had experienced love. I had a family and a good life (or as good as life was in those days).  The day my family was killed I was tending to daily life and my little brother was near me. I heard a call, which was the warning call, and knew I needed to hide. I took my brother and ran a distance from the camp and hid behind a tree. From there I heard more than saw my family hacked and dismembered and then burned. When the attackers were gone I took my brother down to the camp and called out, hoping someone would come for us. When no one came, I sat with my brother and waited. We waited for days. My brother, not more than a year old, cried a lot at first. Then eventually he stopped crying and just clung to me. One day he went to sleep and never woke up. I grieved for days. I blamed myself for his death. The amount of pain and guilt I felt was beyond anything I have experienced in this life. It felt like the death of a thousand loved ones to me. I can still see his little face and his brown hair. He was a lovely child and I had lost him, my only family. I was alone. The feeling was absolute aloneness.

I fell asleep there by my brother’s body. All hope had left me. When I awakened there was a man standing above me. He shouted something and I felt a pain in the side of my head and lost consciousness.

The next thing I remember was a woman’s face. Somehow I had been allowed to stay with a clan that had passed by where I was lying and had taken pity on me. The men in the clan did not like me, however. They viewed me as a nuisance, a draw on their resources, like a dog; a scoundrel. The woman who looked at me with such kindness and sympathy was not allowed to tend to my needs or help me. She had to do it in secret. I was left to myself for the most part. Because of my status in the clan, I was abused quite often. At first I was beaten for the smallest of things – just for being in the vicinity of someone who was in a bad mood. Then I was used for sex by the men in the clan who had lower status or were viewed as unfit for reproduction. The woman who helped me died at some point and was unable to help me. I had no one and I was no one. Thus, it made perfect sense to me why I became the person I became in that life.

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Past Lives Part 1: BCE

I have remembered many past lives in my quest for knowledge. Some came about spontaneously, while others were found during auditing sessions. I even found one during a hypnosis session.

Lately I have wanted to write down all my past lives in order from my very first memory to my most recent. I am going to limit the lives on the time line to my Earth lives because I have remembered lives where I was most obviously not on Earth and feel those dates/times will only confuse the time line.

For the first part of the time line I am going to start with those lives I have remembered that are the farthest back, so those during BCE (Before Current Era or Before Christian Era) or the years before Christ’s birth.

BCE is the opposite from AD (meaning Anno Domini or In the year of the Lord) when it comes to how the dating works. Instead of the years counting up from 1 like they do in AD time lines, the years actually count down from as far back in the past as the time the of man’s first ancestors and beyond. In the case of my time line, I am going to start only as far back as my very first past life memory, which was approximately 10,025yrs BCE.

It was during an auditing session that I remembered this very distant past life. It was quite surprising to me because 1. it was so amazingly vivid and 2. my surroundings and the way my body looked and felt were so different from my surroundings and the way my body looks/feels in this life.

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My first impression upon remembering this life was the feeling of the moist, wet ground under my feet and the rough textures of the leaves and sticks that occasionally poked my feet as I walked over them. I looked up and noticed a canopy of green many feet high over my head. As my eyes spanned the area to my left and right I saw more trees and thick greenery and noticed I was walking in a line, probably about the fifth or sixth person in a line of maybe 30 or more people.

My first thought was “Wow!” but then I stared wondering, “Where am I? What do I look like? When is it?” I looked down to see if I could get a glimpse of my body and was shocked at what I saw. My belly was protruding and I quickly concluded that I was very, very pregnant, and obviously female. I also noticed that I was unclothed and that my body was covered in a down-like medium brown hair that was thicker down the middle of my stomach and lighter on the edges. Where my naval would normally be was a lighter colored area where the skin had been stretched by my growing baby. I noticed that my arms and legs were also covered in hair and that my skin tone was a medium color, but a bit lighter than the hair. I was no animal, however, I was very obviously human. My hands and feet were familiar and so was the way my body felt. I don’t think I was very tall, maybe 4-5ft tall, but the others in line in front of me were a varying heights, some taller and some shorter than myself.

As I continued along the time track of that life I felt a moist sensation between my legs and heard a loud noise, it was a human sound like a call or holler. I instantly knew I needed to leave the line and find a safe place to hide. I was having my baby.

I veered off to my left and went through the thick underbrush. It was getting dark and I was afraid. I had not been away from my group before. I knew I needed to find shelter and made my way to an outcropping of rock. It was a familiar place so I think I had been there before.

As night approached I began to feel pain in my stomach. It was horrendous and I tried to keep quiet but could not hold back and several times I let out a horrible screech. I remember hearing a return call from the distance which reassured me. They were waiting for me. I could only figure that “they” meant my group/family.

Deep in the night I finally gave birth. The experience was one that I relived but only partially, of which I am grateful. I remember seeing the dark rock, glistening with moisture and looking at the moist dirt at my feet and feeling an intense desire to push. When I finally did push it was not long before my baby was born.

When I reach down to pick up my new born baby I was concerned. There were no cries. The silence was deafening. I could not see well, but I could make out a small form on the ground and could see the umbilical cord at my feet. I picked up the baby and shook him. Still no noise. I began to panic. I knew he was suppose to cry but he wasn’t! There were no rational thoughts at this time, I must add. It was as if my mind in that life was unable to process the info or had no words with which to think. The feelings were raw and very real. I was frantic. I began to pound the baby on the back with my hands but still no crying. The longer the silence continued the more frantic I got. Eventually I began to slam the baby into the ground. I was no longer sane in my mind. I was a grieving mother who did not know what to do with this unfamiliar emotion. I did not cry, I wailed. I remember feeling the emotion as it poured out of me – a mixture of fear, panic, sadness and frustration. I have never felt such emotional agony in this life.

I finally left the baby on the ground and spent a few moments in a daze looking at him. He was lifeless and I was exhausted. It felt like I stood there in that state for an eternity, my grief finally leaving me exhausted and numb.

Finally I heard a cry from a distance. It was like a “Whoop! Whoop!” I knew it was my family calling to me. They were closer now. They had not left me.

I had an overwhelming urge to rejoin them. I knew I had to. I knew I could not stay there long. The smell of the blood from birth would attract animals. I looked at my baby, still lying lifeless on the ground, his body purple in the growing daylight. He was so tiny. He couldn’t have been more than 5lbs. I picked him up hoping he would show signs of life, but he was cold and stiff.  I knew I had to leave him and leave quickly. I didn’t want to. There was a feeling of agony here, like my heart being stabbed a thousand times. My son was dead but somehow I still held onto hope that he would revive. I didn’t want to leave him.

Finally, with the sun on the horizon, I heard another call and I called back. I put my son down by the outside of the cave. I looked back at his tiny body laying on the yellow-green moss that covered the ground. I didn’t say goodbye other than to look back that one last time. There I left him without burying him.

That was my life in 10,025BCE.

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1618BCE

I found myself sitting down at a desk. In front of me was a thick, yellowing paper with writing on it. The writing was unfamiliar to me in this life but somehow I knew it was Greek. I looked out the window in front of me and saw a plume of smoke rising out of a mountain top in the distance. I knew it was a volcano erupting. I knew I was a man, and a large one at that because I could feel my body and it felt large. It also felt old and not in the best of health. I could see my belly as I looked down at my body and saw that I was wearing what looked like a robe but it was tan or off white in color. There was a glass of wine on my desk and I drank the last of it. The glass was made of some kind of pottery. I got up and barked out orders to my family to make haste. We needed to leave the area as quickly as possible because soot and ash were already covering the sky in the distance and the plum of smoke was making its way towards us.I remember wondering what the date was. I instantly knew it was 1618.

As I rushed to get out of the path of the volcano, the ground shook. I could see the ground as I ran about, it was stone or very packed earth. I saw articles of clothing strew about and my feet, which were in some kind of cloth looking booty, similar to house shoes. The ground shaking made my steps uneven and I stumbled more than once. I climbed onto the back of a reddish brown colored horse and pushed him down a cobblestone path that was only wide enough for about two horses. On the right side of the road was a steep, stone outcropping that continued up the side of a very high hill or mountain. To my left was a drop off that went down I don’t know how many feet. The road was definitely cut into the side of a steep hill or mountain. The ground shook again and the horse reared up. I lost my grip and was thrown. My head hit the cobblestone and I couldn’t move. My last memory of that life was seeing the cobblestone and smelling smoke. I could see my body as I left it. My head was red with blood and my hair was gray and long and I had a beard that was about a foot long and kind of raggedy looking. I could see my body very clearly at that time. It was round and I was indeed wearing a robe that was tied at my waste and went down to my ankles. I could also see the area where I was and it was indeed on a steep mountainside and there were many more mountains in the distance and a glimmering of water to my left. The sky was dark with black ash and I could see sparks of red and orange embers in the air. Where the volcano was rumbling all I could see through the haze was a vague outline of the peak and a reddish glow.

**Later I researched this life and found out that this volcanic eruption was real. The Santorini eruption in the Mediterranean occurred at the date I remember this life to be.

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 Approximately 1200BCE

I became aware of this life in hypnosis. I could see out a window and saw hundreds of adobe-looking houses stacked along the hillside. I was above them and could see linens of white and browns hanging out windows and could see people walking below me. Most had things on their heads, turbans maybe. I became aware of my body. It was small and dark skinned. I was male. I was maybe 7-8yrs old. I also knew I was a slave or indentured servant of some sort. I could see that the house I was standing in was very small and had a dirt floor. I know I lived there with my mother, but I could not see her.

The memory faded as quickly as it came. I was able to grasp the date and that I was in Egypt before the memory fully faded away.

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by

Peace

I just wanna make you laugh
I just wanna see that smile
Babe, we’re only here, oh, for a little while
I just wanna hold you till we fall asleep
I want love, I want us, I want you, I want me, I want peace

I woke this morning with the chorus from this song in my head and a feeling similar to how I was feeling not long ago – I didn’t want to get out of bed. A specific line of the chorus, “we’re only here, oh, for a little while”, kept repeating in my head. I love the song and it has been used to relay a message to me before, but this morning I just didn’t want to hear it.

Where Did the Memories Go?

As the song played in my head, memories of my youth began to trickle in. Specifically, a memory from when I was 12 years old. My father came back into my life after years of disconnection. He just popped back in, out of blue, and acted as if nothing had changed. Of course, me being 12 and all, everything had changed.

He brought with him a girlfriend. A very garish woman with big hair and penciled in eyebrows that made her look like a clown. Her makeup was dark and befitting of a twenty-something year old. Yet her clothing was more in line with her age – around 50 or 60. I don’t remember the woman’s name now, but I know I instantly did not like her. This is also not surprising considering the circumstances.

We went to a fancy restaurant – Red Lobster (back then it was considered high end – really!). We were there to celebrate my younger sister’s birthday. She would be turning 10. After eating, the garish woman and my father presented my sister with her gift and I was extremely jealous when she opened it. She got Clinique make-up! I remember looking at the little, sea green compact and feeling my heart sink. I thought to myself, “She is too young for that!” and wanting it desperately for myself. But I kept my mouth closed and smiled, pretending to be happy for her.

The memory stopped there but the feeling of it did not. I was so full of hate back then. It was me against the world. It was vile. I am not sure how I made it through my teens because that feeling pretty much stayed with me until I was in my mid-twenties. It grew and changed as I suppressed it and tried hard to not become the effect of it. Sometimes I managed to keep it at bay but most of the time it hung over me like a dark rain cloud.

Much of my feelings stemmed from anger but I also believe I brought some of them into this life with me. Especially the feeling that I should be loved more than my siblings. I secretly always wanted to be an only child. I have since remembered my last life. It was brief but I do know one thing – I was the only child. Hmmm. Ha! I was also not treated well and my life ended in a horrible way – murdered by a father figure; drowned in a shallow fountain in an unfamiliar place. Torn from my family, life taken from me abruptly and betrayed by someone I thought loved me, I found myself trapped between the Other Side and Earth – bound to a life that was no longer mine.

All these memories were instantly with me as I awoke this morning. Why? Perhaps it was because yesterday, looking into my daughter’s face as we spent time reading together before bed, I thought about how I use to cherish similar memories of my own childhood, yet, I could not remember them. Where did they go? And I thought to myself that this must be why I am so bitter about having to live life. I have lost memories I once cherished.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_One Life, Many Me’s

I read yesterday in one of the many blogs I now follow on WordPress that as we change, we leave a part of ourselves behind. We shift into a new Self. This is part of living. It is part of change. And change is the one constant – it is expected, though many of us fear it and reject it.

I have had many me’s in this life. The first, my childhood – when joy and laughter were still very much a part of my life. This me only lasted for about six years. Too short, if you ask me.The second me began with my parent’s divorce and stayed until my mid-twenties. This was probably the most challenging part of my life. I went through middle and high school, met my first husband, went to college and then left my first husband. I lived in parts of the U.S. I never thought I would and traveled across the world to Australia and the U.K. Yet I was not complete. I felt lacking. All the time.

The third me emerged with my spiritual awakening at around the age of 26. I recall recognizing the other me’s during this time. They felt foreign to me. When I looked at those me’s a didn’t recognize them as a part of me. I was so different. There is no way they could be me. Even now, when I recall memories of those times, they seem surreal and dreamlike, as if they were just one of my many astral travels.

And now I feel like I am entering into another stage, one that will create yet another me. Hopefully the final me. I have yet to see where one me ended and another began, but this could be because I am in the midst of it. I worry that in order to transform into the new me there needs to be a drastic ending somewhere. For example, the beginning of the current me came after several drastic ends – the biggest being divorce. The ending of the childhood me came with divorce as well. And it could be that there will be divorce this time as well, but not necessarily the divorce of man and woman but a divorce of old habits, behaviors and beliefs.

Peace

The final feeling that came with hearing the song by O.A.R. this morning was an irritation at not getting to astral along with a rejection of astral travel – almost as if it serves only to slow me down right now rather than help me progress at the rate I should be. Typical of that internal conflict that has proved so difficult to overcome in this life – the ego versus the Self. Always, when I thought about the purpose astral travel serves in my life, I heard the line “we’re only here for a little while”, as if to say “Focus on living your life now, not on other planes of existence as it is this existence which is most important at this time”. And the message is clear – we are only here for a little while, just a blink compared to the eternity of that which we are. And the peace we find in ourselves can be found anywhere, even here on Earth, if we accept our chosen path, do not allow the ego to confuse us and misguide us, and travel it wholeheartedly. Easier said than done.

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Autism and Ascension

treesunI was a bit sleep deprived yesterday as I drove in to work. It was my first day and I arrived 10 minutes late. Usually it would upset me, but I just shrugged it off. Don’t sweat the small stuff, right? My boss was understanding, which I figured he would be.

My day was a bit slow at first. I was taken for a tour of the campus and then to my office – or, er room. To my surprise my office space was the size of a small classroom with a huge walk-in closet space for storage. Wow. I was not prepared for such a large space and so felt a bit overwhelmed. But then I got to work brainstorming what I could do with the space.

Autism

After lunch I met with an occupational therapist and a speech therapist who I will be working with. I immediately like them and we discussed social skills groups for middle school students. Since my space was so large, we decided to use it for the groups. I learned that all the students involved – around 18 – are autistic or display characteristics of autism. I had been told in advance that I would be working with two autistic students but not so many. Thankfully I have the support of the OT who spent the previous year working with the students and find tuning the groups.

I am not very familiar with autism except from what I have learned via my studies and my one experience with a student with Aspergers Syndrome. From what little I know, autism can range from severe to mild with the main issue being the individual struggles with the ability to recognize social cues. There are also speech and cognitive delays early on, delays in motor development, intense interest or fixation with things, objects or activities (or the exact opposite) and other obsessive tendencies. I have an inkling that autism is the predecessor to how ascension will affect humanity in the future. This has not been fully revealed to me, however, and this is the first time I have mentioned it at all because the information is so incomplete. My exact purpose for interacting with these children is not completely known to me yet, either, but I feel it goes hand in hand with my life purpose to help prepare the path ahead for those following behind.

landscapeStrange Dream Experience

I left my first day of work feeling hopeful. My mind was buzzing with ideas on how to decorate my space so I went shopping and bought a few things. On my way home I was caught in a horrible traffic jam that I learned would not let up for hours. I spent the next hour following Navigator’s suggestion on the fastest route home. I returned home exhausted but thankfully my husband beat me home and my mother-in-law made dinner. I was able to rest and hit the sack earlier than usual.

I awoke in the middle of the night wide awake. I tried to return to sleep but just couldn’t so I set the intention to astral and relaxed on my back with my head propped up.

The next thing I remember is dreaming but the dream eludes me now. I do recall heading to bed in the dream and falling asleep. I slept very hard and when I woke I found myself floating over my family’s land in the country.

There was no vibrational fluctuations to suggest that I went OOB but yet there I was, floating outside and seeing vividly the grass, trees and sky. I instantly recognized my grandparent’s place and hovered there taking in the expansiveness of the land around me. The colors were bright but not excessively so. In fact, it was just very much like I was awake except that I was floating in the air.

I stayed there a while, not moving much, having a conversation in my mind with someone that I could not see. Of course, I don’t remember the conversation now except that I wanted to change scenes and go somewhere more interesting. The minute I had that thought I began to feel myself being pulled upward with great speed. I saw the tops of the trees and resisted the pull, knowing it would take me into outer space and then I would ultimately wake up back in my body. I did not want that and so I closed my eyes and willed myself to transition out of there. But to where? I had no set place in my mind.

I felt the familiar shift in energy that suggests I have transitioned to a new environment. Yet when I opened my eyes I was still hovering at tree level over my grandparent’s land. In front of me was their driveway and to my left was the open field they called the Klein patch.

I again recall that I was speaking with someone but I can’t remember any of the conversation now. Instead, it is all a blur and somewhat dream-like when I try to remember it in detail.

The next thing I remember is waking up in my bed, realizing I had been OOB and then deciding to go back to sleep without much thought about the uneventful astral I just experienced.

Ascension

Today I am mulling over yesterday’s events from my first day at work to the strange dream/OBE I had. What was I talking with my guide about? Why can’t I remember? And what is the connection between autism and ascension?

I feel there is more to know but that I am blocked to receiving all the information at this time. There is a part of me that is considering channeling but it has been so long since I have channeled that I am uncertain that I can keep my ego at bay well enough to get the truth.

What I am aware of is that the feelings of negativity and longing for Home that I was feeling just a few days ago has all but been extinguished. The energy that accompanied this feeling also has calmed and I, in turn, feel much calmer. I felt this way yesterday while at work as well and I found myself intuitively knowing things about people before they spoke. In fact, I had to stop or correct myself several times during conversations because those I was speaking to looked at me like, “How did you know that?” Oops!

I am still also very affected by the intense love and dedication I felt all around me while at work. I said several times, “It is obvious this place is loved” or “It is obvious someone loves this place”. I wonder if that is why there are so many more autistic children there? And I have an inkling that these children are extremely sensitive to the energy of others and of the planet and so such an environment is calming to them. And to me.

I look forward to seeing where this will lead.

by

Eleven

I forgot that if I want it and ask for it – demand it – it will be received. Silly me!

Yesterday, I wrote in my blog post that I was done with the funk I was feeling and no longer wanted it. This morning I woke up feeling normal. Rather than linger in my bed I wanted to get up immediately. I felt good. What a difference from the last few days!

All because I told the universe that I was done. Ahh, the power of intention!

Eleveneye-light

This is my last day of freedom from the workaday world. Tomorrow I start my new job. So this morning, even though I wanted to get out of bed, I lingered, taking advantage of the little me time I had.

At first I couldn’t sleep and I just tossed and turned thinking about how good I felt and how different I was perceiving things. Everything seemed so much better! The day was not dreaded. The painful heartbreak longing for Home no longer palpable.What a relief! I also felt that September would not be as bad as August. The heavy cloud of negativity and emotionality dissipating.

I must have begun to doze because my thoughts became 3D images which blended into music and color that was vividly clear. I found myself inside a two story house laying in bed. I suddenly became very aware that I was late and needed to get up. I opened my eyes and saw my brother standing over me, smiling and in a very relaxed mood. He said, “Hey, don’t you think you should get up? Its 11a.m.?” Seeing him and hearing him say the time put me in a frenzy and I immediately got up and began looking for my daughter. I also gave him a piece of my mind, asking how he could have let us all sleep so late. I had specifically set the alarm for 6:15a.m. My daughter was suppose to be at the bus stop at 7a.m. If we hurried, we could get her to school before mid-day. I also told him he needed to get ready for school as well. He was likely late, too!

While I was rushing about in this house, I got a very peculiar feeling that something was was not quite right. Where was my husband? Why was I talking to my brother? What was this house? Yet I went through the motions of the dream anyway, letting it continue. My confusion had not awakened me to the fact that I was dreaming….yet.

For some reason, I kept looking at the clock to check the time. It said 11:00 every time I looked. One time I thought it said 1:00 only to check again and see it was 11:00. The whole time I felt this urgency. I was late!

I noticed my mother’s dog following me around. She needed to go potty. I told my brother he needed to take her out, but he ignored me. Finally, I decided I would have to do it and began trying to remember if there was a fence or if I would have to put her leash on. I couldn’t remember. I asked my brother and he just laughed at me like I was nuts. Then I thought, of course there is a fence and remembered a picket white fence around the front. But what about the rest of the yard? Was there fencing?

I thought hard and recalled seeing a fence around the back and a road coming in – the driveway. To the side was a construction entrance, though, with a huge metal building. To the other side of the house was a wire fence that was horizontally spaced to where anyone could cross through. It would not keep a dog in. On the other side of it was a hotel.

I went outside with the dog as I was recalling the layout around the house and looked around. The feeling was that I was in Alaska. Alaska?? I began to panic. It was nice now, but what about later, when the snow came? I didn’t want to drive in that stuff again!

The panic I felt caused me to become very aware of my surroundings and lucidity hit me very suddenly. I got calm and stared up at the massive trees, their branches coming down near me. I looked at the huge, green leaves and they sparkled and glimmered as if they were dusted with glitter.

Then I was in my bed and I heard music. I listened to it while I watched a huge leaf shine in front of me, totally mesmerized by the leaf. Then I realized I was hearing music and I must be about to exit my body. The instant I realized it I also decided I didn’t want to leave my body. The instant I decided this, the music stopped and it was very quiet. I also could no longer see the leaf.

I lay there thinking about how I had the opportunity to leave my body, but I kept wanting to get up and out of bed. I wanted to start my day. I felt the familiar buzzing of energy that told me I could still leave, but I kept making the same decision. I wanted to get up.

11-11Geckos and 11:11

I feel clearer today than I have in a long time. It is really quite a difference and I am not sure what exactly happened to cause it. I know the energy is shifting again, I wrote about it yesterday, but this morning I can feel it. It is very obvious. But I wonder, was this shift in energy caused by my decision to not feel how I was feeling or was it caused by some universal energy shift? Or both?

I have been seeing 11:11 on the clock quite a bit lately. I just ignored it mostly because it is not uncommon for me to notice the number. However, after having the lucid dream this morning, I wonder if perhaps there was more to it?

I am also seeing more geckos. I actually saw one last night. He ran across the floor in front of me and I captured him and let him go outside. He was bigger than most I have seen and such a pretty shade of pink. Pink!

Interestingly, both the number 11 and gecko totem send the message. The gecko says pay attention to your dreams and your intuition. The number 11 also reminds us to pay attention to our intuition – specifically that it is time to connect to our higher self in order to know our mission and purpose in this life. Eleven is the number of spiritual awakening and enlightenment. So that feeling I had this morning of getting up and the message in my dream that I was late and needed to be somewhere went hand in hand with the number 11.

Dog

It is also interesting to me that I had a dog with me yesterday during one dream and again encountered a dog in this one. To see a dog in your dream symbolizes intuition, loyalty, and protection. Whenever I see a dog in my dreams it reminds me that I am not alone and my guides are there assisting me in whatever way I need. It is a message that my guides will not leave my side and will offer protection when I need it.

Big Picture

As I absorb this new feeling – which is very similar to how I felt back in May – I think I am starting to better understand what is going on with me. It is hard to put into words and I am not completely sure I could put it into words just yet anyway. The main message is that I need to trust and follow the guidance I receive, however I receive it. I also need to be prepared to make choices that will be outside my comfort zone, though acceptable once my ego is put in check. I also understand that I am in no way obligated to make any changes or choices – it is all up to me. And that I can change my mind at any time.

by

Homesick

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????It’s the last day of a three-day weekend. My husband and kids are home and we are getting a lot accomplished. New quartz counter tops were installed on Friday, followed by the glass tile back splash and new stainless steel appliances. Yet every morning I struggled to get out of bed. I did not want to open my eyes and when I did it was hard to pull myself out of bed. Usually my stomach growling pushed me to get up. Other times hearing my baby cry or my children calling my name instantly propelled me from my bed. And by the end of the day things were not so bad. Things were even good. Yet when I closed my eyes at night to go to sleep I knew that it would all repeat in the morning.

Homesickness

This morning was no different except that my husband came in and woke me up with kisses. I tried to be in a bad mood but it was difficult with so much love. I suspect his dreams told him that I needed him as he mentioned them as he hugged me close. He said he kept dreaming that things were interrupting us and keeping us apart; from communicating. He wanted to fix it which was why he was snuggling close to me at 8am.

I finally accepted his love and cuddled back, but I could not enjoy it. I was still haunted by my own dreams. Dreams of wanting to go home but not being allowed to. In one I was at work and got a message from the boss that was a warning. It said that she was the boss and that anyone who questioned her would face the consequences. Then I wandered the workplace trying to find a way out. I felt conflicted. I wanted to go home yet could not push myself to leave. 

In another dream I was in my old high school town leaving the school and looking to go home. I ran into all kinds of obstacles and picked up a black and white dog on the way. In the end I found myself inside a train running towards the caboose. A man was with me but I don’t know who he was. When I got out of the train I ran along the tracks and was told I could not go that direction. But I didn’t listen and continued to run as the tracks collapsed and tried to envelope me. I just wanted to get home. I vaguely recall hearing a woman say “26” and I felt if I could just get to 20 that I would make it home.

When I woke up I felt such sorrow and loss that it made it hard to see the sun as a promise of a new day – a new start.

My OBE’s stopped a few days ago and my sleep has been solid with dreams similar to the ones I recounted above. They don’t stop, either. And I am tired of them. I have been reading channeled messages lately about how the changes in energy are about to fluctuate once again but this time they will split up, sending us down our individual paths where we will meet up with groups that we will work with. It is all very vague, though, and doesn’t help me feel any better. One message spoke about how difficult the month of August was and I can completely relate. I am super happy to see August gone but I worry that September won’t be much better. The confusion of energy is exhausting me and makes me feel so unable to act and even if I could act I have no idea what I would do.

Indulgence

Over the last couple of days I have been feeling drawn to read up on anything metaphysical. I guess I am searching for some rational explanation for what is going on with me. I am also trying to find out what I am suppose to do next. Am I suppose to be using my gifts again?

I have read more channeled messages than I ever have in my life. I never get much out of channeled messages. They are all so wordy and repetitive, as if the Spirit that is communicating is trying to distract us by the numerous words. I like to get to the point, which is likely why I have never been too good at channeling. I am too impatient to listen to long, drawn out messages. I just want a nice, short paragraph that gets straight to the point. I found some reassurance that what I am experiencing is normal, but nothing substantial.

I did, however, find something in a recent article – Scientific Approach to Reincarnation and the Journey of Souls After “Death”. In the article there is an section about Dr. Micheal Newton’s finding on what occurs between life. In this section, stage nine specifically, there is one particular sentence that stood out to me: ” This meeting is also to encourage us to have patience, to hold true to our values, to trust ourselves in the midst of difficult situations, and to avoid indulging in anger and negativity”. Specifically the very last point about indulging in anger and negativity really hit me hard. I understand it well.

A memory hit me from my late-twenties in which I had an experience where I realized I was drawn to tdoghe negative, specifically to feeling negative and depressed. When I realized this I was able to immediately pull myself out of it. Also, my guide has told me simply to say “Stop” to those thoughts which are negative. It does work, but it is a lot of work at first and, honestly, I do find that I am drawn to the negative. So the word “indulge” really made sense to me. Is it an indulgence?

To indulge is to “allow yourself to have or do something as a special pleasure”. Do we really find pleasure in anger and negativity? I think I do. At least, I recognize that I find enjoyment in being negative.

It seems to me that it would make since that negativity and anger would be considered a “pleasure” because when we are out of our bodies and Home we are surrounded by the opposite at all times. Our very nature is the opposite. So, in a weird way, that which is negative could be addictive as it allows us to experience something we are not. It is like those who are addicted to a powerful drug like heroine. It allows them to feel such intense pleasure that is so alien to their life in a body that they seek it out over and over.

Could it be that I am struggling to not indulge in negativity?

At first, when I saw I had fallen into the trap, I was hard on myself, but my guide pointed out that I am doing far better than most. I internalize most of the negativity I feel. I do not push it on others. I do not take it a step further like so many do. I do not allow myself to be overcome by it to the point of losing myself in it. I fight it and have been victorious. Yay – I guess. I have a long way to go, that is for sure. Thankfully I do not indulge in anger. lol

More to Learn

As I struggle to keep from indulging in negative thoughts and actions, I am also obviously struggling with an intense desire to return Home. A part of me is fighting this life and I am aware of a deep dissatisfaction that pervades all that I do. It comes with a feeling of impatience. And a feeling of waiting. I honestly feel that I am waiting for my next set of instructions which usually comes with feeling direction and purpose. I have neither right now. As I wait, I struggle because it is so very hard to wait. And I am told this is important; that I am learning and still need to learn more. There is a lesson that needs to complete still. When I hear this from my guide I roll my eyes and let out a huge breath. I feel like lessons are the worst. I feel like a student being told by her teacher that she has to do one more chapter and answer the questions before she can be released from school. After that, well, its playtime, right?