Monthly Archives: October 2014

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The Sun is on It’s Way

The night before last, for the first time in a while I could not fall asleep. I don’t know when I finally did fall asleep, but I felt tired in the morning. As a result I was not very focused through my work day and felt as if I were floating through in a dream most of the day. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty down because I accidentally noticed that an old high school classmate who made my middle and high school years pretty miserable, had another baby. Something about seeing her happy really ate me up inside. It seemed unfair that someone so nasty, deceitful and materialistic was getting to be happy. So unfair! I know, though, had I been more rested, that it wouldn’t have matter to me a bit.

It didn’t help that my middle child, most likely struggling to adjust to a new baby brother, continues to create messes the minute my head is turned. Yesterday he chose to open up nail polish and paint the bathtub while also getting out toilet bowel cleaner and pouring it over the top of the polish. Perhaps he was trying to clean his mess? Regardless, it was just another kick when I was already down. I felt many times that I would lose my mind yesterday. I am so happy the day is past.

So last night when I settled down to bed I was beat. The energy that I have been feeling all week, depleted. I was also very down and completely unnerved by the day’s events. I just wanted to get away and hide somewhere quiet and safe. I felt again as if I could not get far enough away from my life. I remember thinking I needed a break and asking for one.

“I’m a Lesbian”

I awoke again at 6a.m. feeling much like I did when I went to bed and irritated because the house was silent which indicated to me my husband was still asleep. Not good since his job on my days off is to get everyone up and ready for the day and allow me to sleep in. After trying unsuccessfully to not think about the fact that he was asleep, I finally went down and woke him up. I returned to my bed feeling the heaviness of the burden that is my role in this family. I feel that if I were to disappear the entire household would crumble down and fall apart without me there to make sure bills got paid, trash got put out, homework was done, lunches made, groceries bought, meals prepared and cleaned up….the list goes on and on.

Somehow I managed to returned to sleep and fell into an odd dream. I was with my middle son (the one who painted the bathtub with nail polish) and we were entering a restaurant. The hostess greeted us and my son said to her, “I’m a lesbian”. She looked at me and said, “Lesbian? Oh,” as if this meant we could not eat there. When I heard the term lesbian it felt very off yet a part of me seemed to accept it like, “Yeah he is”. I looked at the hostess as she was joined by another woman and they both looked at me questionably as if I were expected to explain. I stood there, struggling to figure out what was going on. I looked at my son, standing there naked, his white-blond hair stark in contrast to the brownish ambiance of the room. As I looked at him I kept thinking to myself, Lesbian? Lesbian?

Now, looking back on the experience, I know that the word was a trigger to get me to wake up, but at that point it was just very confusing because a part of me knew it was dead wrong and out of place but another part wanted to just accept it and happily have my dinner.

Hundreds of Houses

The trigger must have finally worked because the dream vanished and I felt the familiar floating feeling that comes with a disconnect from my body.  I instantly recognized I was OOB, too, but was not excited to find that once again I could not see well because it was dark. I also recognized I was inside my mom’s house and went directly to a window to exit. I flew into it, hoping to go right through, but met resistance and so opened it.

When I went outside it was still dark. Disappointed (I really wanted it to be light which often happens when I go outside), I floated up and hovered while I surveyed the space around me. I was definitely not outside my mom’s house but somewhere else, somewhere with mountains.

After I got my bearings, I remembered that I wanted to try something a member of my astral projectors FB group had posted. This being that they chanted “OM” to help them let go. I had told myself to try this the next time I went OOB but doubted I would remember it. Yet, here I was, in the midst of an OBE, thinking to myself, “Chant OM!”

So I did, but it didn’t come out quite right. Instead of sounding like the familiar chanting, it came out more like a howl. In fact, I sounded like I was howling at the moon! Instead of laughing at this, I got very serious and focused on trying to do it “right”. So I tried it a few more times, still hearing more of a howling sound that continued to get more and more like a wolf’s howl than the OM I wanted. I think once, and only once, did it sound something like I wanted.

At some point I gave up on trying to OM and instead just thought, “Let go”. At the same time as I thought this, I noticed that the mountains in front of me were dotted with hundreds of houses. Each of them was lit up with yellow light. Each house was identical – white, two-story, with four square windows with the familiar four tiny boxes inside each. All of them lit up brightly. When I saw how many there were I took it all in and recognized it as beautiful. Yet I was disinterested. A part of me was still holding onto the sadness I had gone to bed with.

I began to feel the familiar pull upwards that often hits me. I am not certain of what it is meant to do but I had a distinct feeling that I needed to go along with it. In fact, I felt at that time a knowingness that was saying, “Just go with it” along with a message saying, “Let me show you”. I all at once gave into this feeling, wanting, desiring to know what lay ahead.

But I must have still been resisting because I began to flounder and the upward sensation stopped suddenly. I felt the familiar floaty feeling I get when I come close to my body and resisted the temptation to settle back into my body. The message still strong that there was something I needed to see, to be shown.

viewThe Sun is on It’s Way

I willed myself back to where I had been. Within moments I was again floating near the mountains but the white, yellow-lit houses were gone. Instead the mountainside was dark as was everything else. I again felt the familiar pulling sensation and felt/knew that I needed to let myself be pulled up. For some reason I also began to sing loudly. There is a faint memory with the singing that I needed to raise my vibration and a recognition that the darkness of my vision coincided with the darkness I was feeling.

As I sang, I was pulled up with ever increasing velocity. Usually I resist, thinking I will soon end up in space looking down at planet Earth, but this time I sang loudly, “I don’t mind going into space”, repeating a variation of that thought several times and accepting that soon I would be looking down at the Earth.

But my hand scraped something hard and I realized that although I felt to be miles up in the sky, I was not. Then I opened my eyes and for a moment saw with color and clarity. I was very close to the ground and flying fast. I remember looking down as I flew and seeing a pair of white sandals all alone on the hillside in the grass. I wanted to reach down and pick them up, but felt pulled away and upward over the mountains and hills.

I also remember the song I was singing, melody and words. I sang:

“‘Cause I know it’ll be okay,

And the sun is on it’s way,

Everything is always just that way”.

As the words to the second line came out of my mouth, I saw vividly the bright, morning sun rising to my left right along with the words “the sun is on it’s way”. It was an amazing, vibrant orange-red and its rays reached out and illuminated my vision. The sky exploded in color, a pastel shade of blue dotted with white clouds and the oranges and reds of a brilliant sunrise. I looked to my right as I sang the last line and saw the once dark mountain side brighten and come alive with color, the green so vibrant that it made me want to cry.

All the while I was soaring low on the horizon and singing, feeling much lighter and more free than I had been feeling in the previous gloomy darkness.

The emotions that hit me, mostly joy and relief, caused me to return to my body. I did not want to open my eyes, but when I did, my cheek was wet with tears. Although the experience did lift my spirits for a moment, when I awoke I was reluctant to get out of bed.

Reflection

This morning, as I reflect on the experience, I realize that my energy and vibration has been very low despite my energy seeming to be high. I also have been stuck in some negative past experiences which, unfortunately, have pulled me into similar scenarios while OOB. I have been considering this as I mull over my most recent OBEs and I believe I was testing it during this particular experience. Result? Success!

Singing has always elevated my mood. No matter how down I am, the act of singing pulls me out of the despair. In my earlier OBEs, singing was often in the background and I have many pleasant memories of dancing and singing with my dog, Trooper, in the sunshine and warmth of my own astral landscape. I also have many a memory as a child of singing made-up songs as I played with my dolls or wandered around the yard aimlessly. Presently, my own daughter sings her own made-up melodies and dances happily much like I did when I was her age.

Perhaps the biggest lesson this experience taught me is that my thoughts create my reality, no matter where I am. And if I can just get in control of them, then I can pull myself out of whatever funk I find myself in. I have learned this lesson before, but, as another post in my FB group reminded me, sometimes we need to be reminded of lessons we have already learned because, despite us knowing the lesson, we may not have fully integrated it.

Finally, I believe there was a breakthrough in this OBE that is very significant. I decided to “let go” and do something different than I had done in my other OBEs. I have been trying, unsuccessfully for the most part, to control my OBEs and the results have been more of the same: dead ends, sudden endings, dark gloominess, and a feeling of failure upon waking. This time I let myself be taken wherever I was going and ended up regaining my vision. I also realized that the loss of my vision was an illusion. The colors and beauty were always there but my mood and fight for control overshadowed them. It was only when I let go that the darkness disappeared and let in the light.

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The Timekeeper

This high energy cycle I’ve been going through all month continues along with the deep, hard sleep that seems limited to 7-8 hours max. I forgot to mention that I am ridiculously hungry right now, too. I often wake up in the morning so irritable from my hunger that I am starting to think of myself as the terrible morning monster. My whole family knows to avoid me, especially my husband who keeps accidentally initiating important conversations as soon as he sees me awake. I, of course, bark back at him a response or two, my mind focused only on one thing: food. Usually, within about 30 minutes of eating, I am back to my normal self, but thirty minutes is a long time and I often put my foot in my mouth more than once during that time.

These “symptoms” are, of course, all very much common to the “ascension” process. Yet, when one is going through them they wonder, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I can’t help but think I must have some undiagnosed illness waiting, like the monster in my closet, to jumped out at me when I least expect it.

Alaska

I had, again, a really vivid dream that came with me into sudden wakefulness at 6 a.m. Being this is my day off, I was very irritated that I was wide awake at such an early time. It only made me more frustrated when my rumbling stomach forced me out of bed and down to the kitchen.

I returned to bed after my snack and instantly felt I needed to take what little time I had to meditate. The instant I chose to do this, I began to receive messages. But I am getting ahead of myself. I need to recount the dream first so that you understand a bit about the messages I received.

In the dream I was at a home in the mountains of Alaska. I found myself suddenly just there and was a bit out of sorts and trying to get my bearings for some time. I seemed to be surrounded by “family”, though I have no idea who the people were. There was a couple who appeared to be in the mid to late 40s and were happily giving me and my group a tour of their home.

I don’t recall much about the tour but I do remember that we were talking about moving there. I did not like the idea and was relieved when I discovered it would be my sister, her husband and new son that would be moving there and not me. There was some interaction that reminded me of my past with my sister that I participated in, but it all seemed very out of place being we are so much older now than we were then.

At one point we were exploring a home for rent near a creek that flowed into the ocean. The house was an empty, very nice multistory home positioned right next to a rapidly flowing, crystal clear creek.  My companion and I explored the area, me commenting on how nice it was and how we should rent it. I stood next to the creek and saw a large, orange colored Koi fish feeding. Something was said about the fish, but I don’t recall it now.

We went down a trail that led into the woods. It appeared well kept and made of some kind of fabricated stone that was speckled gray and white. It led into a cavernous area that was really a man-made outdoor atrium of some type, with tall stone columns and passages. We went inside and I thought there would be bats and sure enough one flew out in front of my sister. It was large but I was not afraid of it, more in awe of it.

The dream gets hazy here for a bit but I do remember that there was a moment when I was holding back a large bear. I had my hands in its mouth (it was asleep) and was yelling at someone to get away, saying, “It’s a bear!” The person was actually sleeping with the bear and I was trying to get them to notice. Something here triggered my memory that there was a bear in another dream but I never could (nor can I now) recall the dream.

Then, we were back by the house with the couple. The place was beginning to depress me. I complained of it being cold more than once, remembering that 60 degrees was warm to them. I also remember a man flirting with me and I was a bit annoyed at him. Not only was he short and unattractive, but I knew connecting with him meant connecting with Alaska and there was no way I was staying there. He was nice enough, though, but I also knew he was part of this “family” living in Alaska. No way!

We went outside and in front of the house was this enormous lake. The water was dark and it was beautiful in its own way, but I commented to the others how it was “ugly”. We somehow ended up on the other side of it and then owner just walked across it, showing me that although it seemed deep it was really very shallow, the water only reaching his calves. I was surprised.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Timekeeper

I awoke suddenly from the dream and later, after my snack, settled down to meditate. Like I said earlier, the messages came almost instantly. The first thing that I heard was, “You have a Timekeeper”. This peaked my curiosity. What is a Timekeeper? I wondered, and Why do I only have one?

I was instantly encouraged not to break the state of consciousness I was in. It is hard to explain how this was communicated, but I instantly calmed my mind and let go of my focus upon the many questions arising in my mind.

Without words I knew what was happening. The dreams I have been having are part of a process of purging myself of past issues; issues that hold me back in some way. Much of the purging has to do with old patterns and beliefs. Specifically, the Alaska theme is representative of a time in my life when I was very depressed and felt surrounded by darkness, both literally and figuratively. I felt as well as was told that I must, “pass through the darkness to get to the light”.

The Timekeeper, whoever “he” is, was there and accessible to me, though he seemed “above” me and almost unreachable. I asked his name and heard an “M” name that reminded me of Marion but I am not sure if that is correct. Like is usual, when I hear a name it becomes jumbled and distorted and I doubt the accuracy of the name I receive. Initially, though, before it became jumbled, it sounded a whole lot like Marion but I am positive I skewed the name so it sounded familiar to me.

When I asked what a Timekeeper was I was told, “I am here to help you see”. My guide has been telling me that I will “see” soon but I never quite understood what he meant. See what? Will I literally see something or does it mean I will increase my awareness and so then, “see” more?

I assume this Timekeeper is helping me return to times in which I struggled in order to help me gain awareness of the struggles and lessons I endured. What did I learn while I was in Alaska that is so important? In my memory of it, I realized that I had a shadow I defeated: death.

Shadow Man

I struggled to recall if I had ever meditated or had any recollection of intensely vivid dreams or experiences during that time. I could not, at first, remember anything of significance other than the sudden onset of creativity that resulted in playing the guitar and writing songs that contained strong messages to myself.

Then I recalled a time when I sought out the darkness that was haunting me and causing so much pain in my life. I don’t remember where I got the idea from – the internet? But I did take time to close my eyes and focus. When I did, I found a very surprising thing: a shadowy figure that was there for a brief moment and then vanished.

Intrigued, I tried to find him. I searched my mind for his hiding place and I found him, hiding in the corner of my mind. He had no definition and was very slippery. One moment I would see him clearly, the depth of his dark features endless. Other times he would vanish or appear to be see-through.

I remember him vividly and when I “caught” him, I was flooded with memories and despair. I immediately knew he represented the thoughts that had been tormenting me and willing me, endlessly it seemed, to die. He was death.

There were memories he was associated with, memories from my past and childhood. I don’t remember them now, but when I realized who Shadow Man was, I knew his trickery and I fought him in my mind, banishing him (or so it seemed). For some reason, at that time, the Shadow Man was very real to me. Yet, I did not learn of such creatures and such until many years later when I went through my spiritual awakening.

Shadow Man was in one of my OBEs not long ago. Is he back? Did I only think I got rid of him? I suspect so. The draw towards death never left me completely. It has been more controllable but it has shifted faces and form. It is deceptive and distracting. In fact, after that first encounter with him, I traveled to Alaska and went through some very dark days and more came after that.

I am certain that Shadow Man is merely an aspect of my Self. I suspect the Timekeeper who is helping me is working hard to help me see him and other aspects of my Self that might be booby trapping my awareness, steering me towards negativity and thoughts of death. But something tells me there is much more to a Timekeeper. What?

If you know, please feel free to fill me in.

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I am Home

It seems I have entered into a new pattern of awareness. That is the only way I can explain it anyway.

It started with the blood moon the beginning of this month and continues to accelerate. The major change has been most noticeable in my sleep patterns. I am not tired when I go to bed, yet when I close my eyes I almost instantly drift off to sleep. Then when I sleep, I sleep very, very deeply and often do not remember my dreams. Then, occasionally I will have a night where I have dreams galore but then cannot remember the details upon waking. Other times there are dreams that come out vividly seemingly from nowhere.

The other change has occurred in my waking awareness. I first had more calm and then it shifted to noticing things, synchronicities and deja vu amongst other things. Amidst these, noticeable, but gradual changes in awareness.

I have not been writing about everything that happens because if I did I would end up with posts so long no one would have time to read them. Also, I have come to realize that sometimes the things that happen to me need to be digested over time before their true meaning and significance is realized.

Test

This morning when I awoke I recalled a very long, in-depth dream. This surprised me since that has not been happening much this month.

The dream was set inside of a moving, armored, all-terrain vehicle. I almost want to call it a military tank but hesitate since I was on the inside and the feeling was not that I was going to war or anything of the like. I was sitting with a man who I admired quite a bit. He was my superior and I recall pushing back a romantic thought towards him, almost like I was internally reminding myself that was not my purpose for being there. He had on a helmet and was discussing flying, referring to me and a flight I would be taking as a newly trained pilot. I was listening and donned my own helmet. It was green and made of metal and covered my entire head. in front was a clear panel that covered the entire front of my face.

I remember feeling anticipation and nervousness as I listened to him. I knew this was an important step for me and I did not want to fail. This “test” would determine whether or not I was ready to pilot my own craft (what kind I am not sure).

The color green was very prominent in the memory of this dream as was the color silver which was the color of the metal vehicle I was in.

Mental Facility

Instead of the dream ending with me preparing for flight it actually fast-forwarded to another destination. I found myself standing in a line at a very large building built to hold many people. It was silver in color and very tall, so tall I could barely make out the top. It was square and also had a military feeling to it.

As I waited in line I was with a familiar group of people and I knew they were traveling with me. We were being processed by this facility to receive mental treatment. At first I thought it was a mental hospital but that thought was immediately replaced with “mental” as a stand-alone title for this place.

As I waited I looked down and saw soft, green grass all about. It was vibrant and separated the steel posts that designated the lines for for entrance into the building. I noticed very large animal feces all about and recognized it to be deer feces. I mentioned it to the guy I was standing with who confirmed they belonged to deer that frequented the place. I responded, “Those must be some very big deer. I sure wouldn’t want to come into contact with one of them!”

At the entrance I was expected to present my I.D. and sorted through my purse to get it. At this time I remember opening my wallet and finding huge amounts of money wadded inside. I retrieved my driver’s license and stuffed the money back inside, worried the people behind me might be watching and then want my money. I also felt guilty of having so much for some reason.There was one guy who was suspicious. A criminal?

When I got through to the other side, a woman kept my I.D. and gave me paperwork to fill out. I had to list the types of food I liked, my weight and measurements of my body. I could not answer all the questions and asked if that was okay. It was.

Inside we were placed into a dormitory together. I was with various individuals of all ages and genders, some family groups, others singles. We were waiting together and I was concerned about when and what we would eat and also concerned about my baby. I asked for milk and was told they had limited amounts of it and that I would have to use powdered formula. I took it but worried I would run out. I remember looking around with a feeling of uncertainty at this time. Finally, though, a gallon of milk was located and I had plenty for my baby.

Inside the dorm I went about making food with what provisions I could find. It happened to be beans. I began cooking them and found there was not much. A woman beside me began opening ground turkey. I asked where she got it and she told me the pantry. I immediately went to look and found canned food and such and began looking for ingredients to make a stew. I found a can of chitlins and was told to look twice. Realizing the can contained pork intestines, I put them back. For some reason they had a Hawaiian name and a Hawaiian man later came and got them to eat.

Pool

As if the dream were not already weird enough, it got weirder. I found myself with my group in the water of a swimming pool. I watched as a suited individual was pulled down into and under the water. She was wearing what appeared to be white, astronaut suit but it was really scuba gear. Under the water she became me and I breathed under water for a bit and then surfaced and looked about. I remember feeling very uniquely separate from the others at this point and a bit unsure of where I was and why I was there.

In the water the group was pairing off and one guy kept looking at me as if he wanted to know if I was interested. I immediately told him I was married (or did I think it?) and moved away from him. Not only was he unattractive but I just was not interested.

I heard something and looked up to see the instructor. He was discussing the training we were going through. I don’t remember now what he was saying but it was obvious that I was still in the “mental” facility going through some kind of training. Another interesting thing was that everyone was wearing white.

Promotion

Suddenly I was doing my laundry and standing in front of a washing machine. It was overfull and I was pulling out paper. It was paper used for wrapping presents and I was not sure how it got there. As I unloaded it to make the washer less full I was talking with a woman. I was able to get the load lessened and then my attention was brought back to the instructor who had just been at the pool side. He was addressing me and holding up a large tapestry of some kind. He opened it up and it was a commendation that had been sewed for me. It was the size of a quilt and was green and white. It very clearly stated that I was promoted to Captain. When he told me this I was intensely happy and surprised at once. The rest of the group was also very congratulatory. I kept looking at the tapestry and the word “Captain” continued to repeat in my mind.

Waking Messages

I awoke at this time. Fully awake without drowsiness, I realized it was very early and still dark. I don’t know what time it was but I suspect about 5:45-6a.m. This is the time I have been waking all week regardless of when I have to get up.

I tried to return to sleep but could not. So I went over the dream in my mind and wondered about its meaning. As I did, I must have drifted in and out of the state in-between sleep and wakefulness. It is a very deep meditative state that is easy for me to fall into upon waking.

During this time I would find myself conversing with someone and other times I would be in the act of doing particular things. The messages I received are difficult to remember now, which is not unusual, and I remember being reassured that I would remember what I needed to when I asked to remember.

One message was that I had three more levels. The other was simply the word “migraine” along with the image of the helmet I was wearing in the first part of the dream. This message immediately brought me to full awareness as I panicked a bit but then knew it was okay and purposeful. At this point I was hit with a calmness and knowingness that reassured me all was going as planned and caused me to not care about what it might mean.

The next thing I remember is doing yoga and realizing suddenly that I was, bringing me back to full awareness. I then began to “know” things but at the same time I was speaking to myself with certainty, but the voice did not seem like mine, yet it was. It is hard to explain. I was telling myself, “I am suppose to do this, that is what I was told to do”, and I began to do “it”. “it” was to meditate.

So that is what I did and I struggled with it because I kept being brought back to full awareness by things I was being told, triggered by my desire to remember, word-for-word, what I was “hearing”. I went back and forth between states for some time and finally the message got through to me – “Don’t focus on any one thing. You will remember what is needed.”

And that is when I let go and gave in. When I returned from this state, I did not remember everything and as I tried to remember I began to lose specifics very quickly. Yet I instantly began to know that what I was going through was purposeful and part of the process. The deep sleeping, the high energy in the day, the synchronicity, the deja vu, – all of it was part of the “ascension” process as was that movement from “level to level” as per the promotion to Captain in my dream. I also remembered what I had been doing before bed (I could not remember it before then). I had been saying to myself, “I am home” and I fully recognized that what I was longing for, this “Home”, is an illusion, much like everything else I experience in the physical. That Home is really me. Home is everywhere that I am. It is with me all the time and I can access it anytime. I went to sleep repeating to myself, “I AM HOME”.

Note: I am currently reading Confronting Your Immortality by Gordon Phinn. I highly recommend this book. I am in the middle of the book and have been reading it before bed the past few nights. It is from this book that I recognized how my beliefs have been limiting me, specifically my belief of what Home is.

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My Team

Some information from this morning’s OBE is slowly coming back to me as the day progresses. Specifically the conversation I had with my guide while I floated in darkness during my OBE. There was also an entire OBE that I forgot.

Messages

The first memory I had was of being told about how fleeting information given to an individual while OOB is. My guide specifically told me, “70% is lost” and the other 30% does not often make sense. Why would it if such a big chunk of it is missing?! I don’t remember even reacting to the information really but I did repeat it to myself several times which tells me I thought it important. I usually repeat information given to me by my guides or others in astral if I want to remember it. Sometimes I will say it several times, other times I have even written things down. It doesn’t always work. This time it did, but it was delayed.

Council OBE

There was also a sudden memory that hit me while I was browsing through the blogs I follow on WordPress. One of the blogs titles included the word “council”. As soon as I read it, I remembered that I had a meeting with mine. How could I have forgotten that?? Ah, that must have been part of the 70% I lost!

The specific memory I had was of sitting at a table that was very large. It was shiny mahogany and circular. I was sitting with a man, likely the same male guide I had been interacting with the entire night, but I could not see him. I just felt him. Across from us and very obviously separated from us, were four people. I saw each of them but it is hard nOvalMahoganyConfernceTLBow to remember what they looked like. I do remember it being bright and there being bright colors, specifically blue and yellow. Interestingly, as with many of my astral environments, this one had a very yellowish glow to it. It is as if someone replaced all the regular light bulbs in a room with yellow ones.

I remember being startled when I first became aware of where I was. I looked around and saw that the space resembled a conference room in an office similar to what one would see in the movies or on TV (it reminded me of the conference room in Mad Men actually!). Like I said, it was very bright and I recall thinking there must be windows but I didn’t see any.

Then I looked across the table and saw four well dressed men and women. I again do not recall them in detail but I do want to say that the men were wearing blue suits. I am certain my jaw dropped at seeing them. I looked down and saw that only a few feet separated myself and my guide from them, but it felt like the distance was much farther; like the table was massive and I was all the way over on the other end, tiny and insignificant.

As soon as I absorbed it all I exclaimed, “Is this my Council?”

My memory of the experience ends there. I am frustrated that it does because I have not met with my council like this. I have sensed them with my mind and spoken with one of them (I think), but I have never actually seen them all together. I also thought I had way more than 4, well actually 5 counting the guide at my side. I am pleased to not have a fearful feeling accompany the memory. I always thought I would feel like a school girl going to the principal’s office when I met my council.

My Team

Now that I think about it, the word council implies some kind of judgement is being given or that there is some higher authority involved, at least to me it does. I don’t like that. I prefer the term Team because it feels more accurate to me. Yet in the experience I had, I identified this group of people as my Council.

It is interesting to me how much I seem to know while OOB. I know names, faces, places, etc. Yet when I awaken and think back on the experience I have no clue who or what I seemed to have known then. It is the same with this experience. I seemed genuinely pleased to see them and, though I did at first sense separation and feel small, that feeling vanished when I recognized them. Now when I look back they all seem like strangers to me and their faces are blank or all muddled together. At least I know I met them. I suppose that is enough.

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Seven

So far this week has been pretty dull compared to last week. I am more irritable but not in a bad way. I am not surprised that I am falling below the wonderful plateau of temporary emotional stability I had last week. It is a common cycle in my life. I am grateful for experiencing the reprieve, though.

Deja Vu

Yesterday I had a very powerful deja vu experience. It happen like they usually do. I was at work and was called to help someone who had lost their brothers within months of each other. So my job was to listen and give assistance as needed. As I was listening and giving information about the five stages of grief everything suddenly seemed to brighten. At the same time it was as if the moment were in slow motion and everything I was experiencing was very familiar. I suspected deja vu and then looked at a bookcase and seeing it cemented the feeling. Definitely deja vu.

I have not had deja vu in a long time. Around the time of my spiritual awakening, probably in 2003 or thereabouts, I had deja vu quite frequently. Back then I was not use to it and at first I found it curious and then exciting. I had been told by others that it meant I was exactly where I was suppose to be. Eventually, though, the experiences were soon followed by a series of negative life events. So, since this time, I have begun to see deja vu experiences as warnings. I know it is not logical, but I cannot seem to help but worry when I have one. What if I end up having similar negative things happen after them?

With this specific deja vu, I remembered that I had been in that exact place and time, doing the exact thing I was doing – classic deja vu. The feeling with it was very dream-like as well and I wrought my brain trying to figure out when I had experienced this before. My conclusion was that I must have dreamed it, or at least the past experience was similar to that of a dream.

I am not certain that I will associate this deja vu with future negative happenings, but I will definitely be wary. Perhaps deja vu is a result of pre-life review – that time before we enter the body when we review particular events that we will struggle with. I also feel that these reviews are meant to trigger memories within us so that we are ready to do the right thing at the right moment. So, it makes complete sense that I would worry about what is to come after having deja vu.

Hidden Belief Revealed

This morning, after a pretty deep somewhat dreamless sleep, I woke up and felt one of my guides very close. I had just dreamed about thousands of old people. There had been a discussion about them. The old people were above the age of 70 for the most part, many of them deteriorating at a fast pace; their bodies not functioning properly and letting them down. The discussion focused on my opinions of old people. I made it very clear that they were more of a burden than anything and “got in the way” (my exact words). The person I was talking to was listening and then when this person did speak (they were neither male or female) they gave me a phone number that I repeated a couple of times, along with the number 7. My opinion about the elderly was questioned but I awoke before I could respond.

Upon waking I remembered my stance on the elderly and was at first shocked and then accepting of my opinion. I realized somewhere within me there is the belief that if one cannot contribute to society that they should no longer be supported by society. Where this belief comes from, I am not 100% certain, but it contributes to my present life issues, specifically family issues that I will not go into right now. I am fairly certain this belief of mine stems from a past life (or many). I know I had a life in Germany around the time of the holocaust but not during it. Perhaps it stems from that life?

I did not remember the phone number, despite saying it several times, but I did remember the number 7. I am not too familiar with the number 7 but from what I remember about it, 7 is the number of spirituality and developing and increasing one’s spiritual ability. The number 7 is a message from one’s guide that now is the perfect time to focus upon development of one’s spiritual ability, to seek answers and truth from within and encourages others to, also.

golden-dragon-scalesOBE or Something Else?

After accepting the dream conversation that revealed one of my hidden beliefs I felt very defeated. I disliked myself very much yet I knew the belief was mine and needed to be worked through. This was overwhelming to me, of course, as the very rejection of this belief creates difficulty in resolving it.

I could still feel my guide with me and I said to him, “I want to astral”. He nodded. I rolled over and closed my eyes.

The next thing I remember was awakening within a dark room. I could sense I was in my bed and that was all. I felt groggy and tired. Despite this, I pushed myself to exit my body and get past the groggy feeling. I felt heavy and cumbersome as I rolled to the side and sat up. I felt the disconnect from my body but it was sluggish. I just wanted to get out and away from the feeling!

After what seemed like forever, I disconnected from the heaviness of my body and began to float through the house I was in. It was not familiar and the lights were out. I could not see well but it was enough to make out shapes and objects in the room. I was in typical living area with a TV, sofa, tables, etc. I felt a presence with me. It was male and tall and not threatening. I recognized him to be my guide and acknowledged him. I then knew his name and said to him, “You are…” excitedly, but his name eludes me now. We talked but I do not know what we said now. It was mostly me recognizing him and his relationship to me. I also remember him saying to me, “This is you” and “I am you”.

I made my way to the other side of the room and stood in front of the door. A child was there, but I do not know who it was or if it was male or female. It appeared to be a small girl but I did not interact with her at all. I only recall a slight glow about her, but did not focus on it. I then stated out loud, “I want to see the light”.

I made my way to the door and intended to go through it but when I got to it I met resistance. Not deterred I willed my way through it and just popped out on the other side of the door.

I found myself outside but it was still dark. My surroundings felt more familiar here but I was still not sure where I was. I kept calling out, “I want to see the light” over and over. I did not initially intend to say this and the memory of setting the intention was hard to remember. I could not figure out the right words. Now in recalling this I know I meant to say, “I want to see my Higher Self” but for some reason I could not recall those words.

As I continued to say, “I want to see the light”, I felt myself being pulled upward toward the sky. At first I resisted, a bit worried I would end up in outer space which is not where I wanted to go, but I eventually allowed myself to be pulled up. When I did, there appeared before me row upon row of shimmering golden leaves outlined with light green. But when I focused upon them more the “leaves” appeared more to be gold leafed armor plating. My vision was bright and completely filled with the images of tiny, sparkling, golden leaves.

My movement upward began to accelerate and I got uneasy. This, of course, blacked out my vision. I wish I could just go with it and not resist! Anyway,  when this happened I did not want to wake up so I calmed myself down and let myself just float in the blackness. I stopped moving upward but did not go back into my body. I just floated in darkness. At this time is when my guide began to speak and I just floated in darkness while we talked.

He explained to me that what I was experiencing was all a result of me. I was creating it. I cannot remember his exact words now but the message was clear: this was all my creation; my reality. Why was he telling me this again? He also told me that of the information I remembered or received while OOB, I would lose 70%. His exact words were, “70% is lost”. I don’t remember the rest of what he said, but I guess with a 70% loss that is about right.

When we were done talking, I realized my eyes had been closed. I slowly peeked out and light came shining through and I vividly saw the outside. The light shown through my eyelids very brightly and caused me to awaken. I opened my eyes and the memory of my conversation with my guide hit me. I focused on remembering the experience and then willed myself back to it.

I was back outside in darkness with limited vision. I saw an animal pen of some kind with a dog inside. There was also the shadow of a man on the other side of it. At the same time I felt the warm fur of a dog next to me and recognized my Trooper was with me. I reached down and petted him. It did not register with me to question what dog was inside the pen, though. I wanted instead to find out who the man was. I should have been afraid but I wasn’t as I flew toward the tall, shadowy figure and called out to him, “Hey!” I flew up and over the pen to come down to the other side where the man was but when I looked down he was gone.

I awoke and was not in a good mood. It was irritating to me that my vision was so poor and the conversation with my guide had me wondering if my experience was just a very vivid, lucid dream and that I was not really leaving my body at all. He did say that everything around me was created by me so that must mean that I am just dreaming. The thought made me question all my experiences. It felt like I was out of my body, but if I was OOB, where was I going? To my own created world? If so, what was the fun of that? The disappointment created by this possibility made me disinterested in any more such experiences. I lay in bed, disappointed, as hypnagogic images flashed through my mind. They kept distracting me and when I focused on them they would vanish. I knew I should ignore them and that if I did I would consciously exit my body. But I didn’t want to. I was too let down by the message that it was all my creation and that I was likely just in some kind of self-simulated realty. I want more than that.

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Pulling Teeth

As my near dreamless nights pile up, I am allowed glimpses of dreams as if to “show” me that progress is being made. Yet the impatient part of me is struggling to see any progress being made. It has been at least a week (more maybe?) since I have had any significant OBE and the dreams I do have are quickly lost to me upon waking. I have also been waking frequently, an average of three times per night. Yes I have a baby who still awakens at night, but that is usually at 4am and only once. The other times I awaken suddenly and then, of course, must use the restroom. Each time my dreams fade quickly, even if I try to hold onto them. And if I do manage to remember a dream, it is usually lost in subsequent dreams and I cannot remember anything except a general idea or feeling upon waking.

Pulling Teeth

During one of my wakings last night I awoke very disturbed from a dream about teeth. Dreams about teeth are very common but I have not had one in a long time. Usually any dream I have about my teeth represents stubbornness on my part, yet this dream was unlike any other I have ever had.

In the dream I was with a man (guide?) and we were discussing a surgery that I needed to have. The surgery was that all my upper teeth would be pulled and then I would get dentures. I was not happy about this and very nervous. I remember asking to be sedated during the procedure and worrying about pain. I was reassured that I could be sedated and that, though it would take a while for my gums to heal afterward, I would be okay. I had to wait for my gums to heal, though, in order to be fitted for dentures. Throughout our conversation there was another scenario being played out that involved the man I was talking to. He was not being very honest, in fact he may have been a con man. Anyway, I remember thinking I disliked what he was doing and what he was planning to do – it was very wrong. How that went along with my teeth being pulled, I don’t know, but it definitely left a feeling that allowed me to remember this dream upon waking.

Here is what Dreammoods says about teeth: Common dreams: Teeth.

15957214_largeRebuilding a Car

I had another dream that I remember from last night. This one was after my last waking in which I had to go downstairs several times and eat because I was so hungry.

In this dream I was at a mechanic’s shop. It was a typical shop in a metal building with a large garage door. Inside were two men, but the one I spoke with most often was very young and reminded me of my brother in age and appearance, though he was definitely not my brother.

I spoke with the young man at first to talk about the car I brought in. The car was very vivid to me. It was the car I had when I was a teenager in high school – a white,1987 Ford Escort. My mom drove it, then my older sister, then me. My younger sister even got it but she burned up the engine. I recall its red interior and every little thing about it and in the dream I did also.

I told the young man I was interested in restoring the car and he said they would do it. We walked around it and discussed what would need to be done. I showed him the small dent in the fender and he told me the seats would have to be recovered. I decided to leave it white and he quoted me $1200 just for labor. I remember thinking it was reasonable and wanting to do it but feeling like I needed to ask my Mom for permission.

I stayed in the shop a while, going the refrigerator and making myself at home in a kitchen/waiting room. I remember using some milk to give to my baby and recalling I had left it there from a previous visit. I then noticed the table had some missing chairs and mentioned it to the young man, thinking the chairs did not belong to the table. I soon realized I was wrong and let it be and decided to leave the milk there because it was already nearly expired.

Interpretation

Cars have always represented life paths to me. In this particular instance the car came from my high school years and was with my family from the time I was 10 to my early 20s. It was connected to many life events and memories and the fact that I was wanting to restore the car suggests a desire to return the events of that period in my life and make them “like new”.

Mechanics and mechanics shops can be compared to hospitals (which are also very common in my dreams lately) in they they are places of “repair” or healing. Since I encountered a mechanic it is even more real to me that I was seeking healing and repair of a specific time in my life. The fact that I am concerned about getting permission from my Mom implies that I have some issues with her or that maybe she has issues from that time as well that need healing.

The milk is also very prominent in my dream. Milk symbolizes maternal instinct and motherly love as well as compassion and love. The milk is not sour or bad in the dream but I imply that it is expired which suggests a need to pull back on the love I extend to certain people in my life. I am not sure exactly who but in real life I have been distant from my own mother since we moved so I believe this is the person who I have withdrawn from.

Healing

I know I am going through a deep healing period in my life where I am again being asked to reflect upon past issues and work to resolve them and let them go. It is my belief that issues remain as long as their is a lesson to be learned from them. Sometimes they also remain because they are linked to others who also have not learned from them or let them go. We carry our issues with us like baggage along with our memories and links to the people we love. It makes sense to me, then, that even though we may feel “done” with an issue, the issue remains because some other person we love has not come to terms with it. As One, we all contribute to and benefit from each others healing.

So, even though I have been through my childhood time and time again, I recognize there is still something left that has yet to be recognized. So I continue to return to those moments. Perhaps the pulling teeth dream is representative of my view about returning once again to that time in my life? It makes sense. I am resistant to returning again to that time because I have gone over and over those memories. I am told, though, that it will be painless and I can “sleep” through it. So, perhaps, I will be continuing to do most of the healing in my sleep.

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OBE Confusion

I had an interesting experience last night. I think it was an OBE but if it was, it is unlike any I have had.

Confusion

As has been my habit over the last few days, I meditated before going to sleep. I must have fallen asleep again and doing so seems to have initiated a surprise OBE.

It wasn’t a long one and I don’t remember much about it. I was dreaming about something related to OBE and meditation, but the dream is lost to me now. What I do remember is that I was told I needed to move through five levels and these were associated with OBEs in some way. I am not sure what these levels are or what they signify, but it was very obvious to me that I needed to ascend through them for some reason. I have read something of “levels” in the astral, but I cannot remember them now because the information just didn’t seem to apply to me back then. Now I am wondering if I need to reevaluate.

Anyway, the experience in itself was very short lived. I suddenly became conscious of being somewhere else and was filled with instant confusion because I could not figure out where I was. It was very dark and disorienting and I kept trying to open my eyes but they would not open! I tried to move and get out of wherever I was, but I could not move. In fact, I could not feel my body and I did not even know if I had a body. I felt like I was just floating in nothingness yet even the awareness of floating was not there, it was more like a complete lack of anything – a void! Even now, as I try to remember the experience I have a very unsettled feeling.

As I could not come to a logical explanation of what was happening and the usual control of my astral body was without existence, I began to panic. Like the entire short experience, even the panic I felt was abnormal. I felt like a caged bird trying to get free yet I could not see the cage. My mind was a complete jumble of questions with no obvious solution. If I could not figure out where I was, how would I ever get out?

My panic must have triggered a return to my body and suddenly my eyes opened and I instantly realized the experience I just had was an OBE. I also instantly realized a huge part of the confusion had come from my not being able to open my eyes – or so it seemed. I had opened my eyes, it is just that my astral eyes had opened and there was nothing to see because it was complete and utter darkness. Imagine intently willing your eyes to open, they open, but you have no awareness of them opening because all you see is blackness so you keep willing them to open. Very unsettling.

I got up out of bed and lost my balance, my sense of direction completely out of service for the time being. In reflecting on the experience I felt a lot like I did when I went on a night dive in Honduras when I was 17 years old. When the underwater light was turned off I completely lost all sense of direction and inky blackness closed in on me. The panic that hit me was of complete confusion accompanied with a dread of not knowing how to get out. Very similar to this morning’s experience. So, the weird OBE is not one I would like to revisit.

Levels

The explanations of the levels I was getting in my dreams is curious to me. I wonder what these levels are, why I am being told to ascend them and for what purpose? I also wonder if the experience I had was to show me what the lower level was like. Whatever that “lower” level is. I can tell you that it was not a place I would like to stay. Anything that dark cannot be good. Yet, thankfully, I never once had a feeling of dread or a feeling that something bad was going to happen. I just wanted out of there for some unknown reason.

Any ideas what these levels are? If you know, please fill me in. 🙂

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Acheiving Balance

In addition to the focus of letting-go that is occurring right now, there is another particular theme that has been on-going since the end of August: Balance.

Mulch-faceted

The balance I am writing about is not simply just balance between spiritual and physical, though that is definitely one dimension to consider. There are also multiple facets within each the spiritual and the physical.

On the physical level, the level in which humans are most comfortable, there is balance to be achieved between body and mind; mental and physical and within each accordingly. For example, physically an individual must have a balanced diet, rich in whole grains with minimally processed foods. At the mental level, an individual needs to not be thinking too much about the future but also not too much about the past. A balanced mental state is best described as being fully present in the Now with little to no mental energy devoted to the past or present, but fully immersed in the present moment.

At the spiritual level there is balance to be achieved between each of the major and minor chakras, the different subtle bodies, the karmic blueprint of each individual and the universal whole, and more. This balance is described to me using the analogy of the university. The major we are seeking would be most similar to that of a liberal arts degree and the minor would the areas in which we feel we need the most work or have the most interest in spiritually. As we set about our spiritual journey within the physical realm, we learn lessons based upon our individual determination. In other words, our degree is most similar to a doctorate degree in which we determine and set our course with the help of a mentor who has already achieved a similar advanced degree. As we complete our “assignments”, we reevaluate our path, making minor and major adjustments as needed in order to fulfill our degree objectives. The balance here is very individual and can fluctuate with even the slightest deviation from our set course. Thus, the nightly visits with our guides and continuous manipulation of the subtle energy bodies by our guides and Higher Selves helps to maintain the delicate balance required for us to complete our physical body incarnation. The good news here is that that part of our consciousness within the body and without memory of our spiritual past and history does not need be conscious of the complex and intricate workings behind the scenes. Very rarely is balance not maintained here. I am told it is not important to discuss what occurs when the balance is not maintained – that is for another time.

doTERRA-Roman-Chamomile-Essential-OilConscious Maintenance of Balance

At the conscious level the maintenance of balance should not be difficult. Unfortunately, the world in which we live has made this usually simple task that much more difficult. Physically, we are no longer putting whole, nutrient-rich foods into our bodies. We are running ourselves ragged in professions that give us little physical activity and focus more on mental tasks. Our physical bodies are depleted of nutrients and unable to repair damaged tissue at an adequate rate. Mentally, our minds have become narrowed into a very physically, gratification-oriented world. This is where imbalance takes its toll and we often overcompensate unconsciously for those areas we have neglected. The fact that this is unconscious only exacerbates the imbalance and we find ourselves spiraling out of control and wondering why we feel so exhausted and numb.

When we are young, the obvious physical and mental imbalance is not easily noticed and since we are young and our bodies still new, it seems we are not in need of conscious maintenance of balance. Yet, there comes a point in our lives when time and continued mistreatment of our physical and mental selves begins to take its toll. The effects of this can come in the form of a mental breakdown, physical ailments that have long-term effects and so much more.

How can one avoid this unfortunate fate? There are many methods, but simply put, the individual must change their diet, reconnect with their body in order to better listen to it, and live a more stress-free and enjoyable life. This process is not easy when we have been indoctrinated into believing material wealth and possessions are what makes a person happy. This lie propagates the imbalance yet each of us struggles to free ourselves of it. It is like a poisonously addictive drug we cannot seem to quit.

cassiaSimple Solutions

For me, the solutions have been simple and yet difficult as implementing them means I must change my patterns, habits and beliefs. Yoga was the first step, followed by meditation and finally the use of essential oils to encourage physical healing. With the practice of yoga five or more times a week, I have found a deeper connection with my body, one that I did not even know I was without. With this physical body connection, I recognized that I was holding stress in different areas of my body and that my moods were influenced by my diet and frequency of eating. I can actually feel where my body is out of balance! This recognition has caused me to take a closer look at my diet. I reduced sugar and increased whole, natural foods into my diet and make sure to eat frequent, small meals. I have also stopped abusing my body with overly intense exercise, allowing myself to take breaks when my body signals a need for rest. Additionally, I have been working on extracting myself from stressful situations, focusing more on making my life what I want it instead of trying to live some other life based upon the lie fed to me by society.

Interestingly enough, with becoming more in-tune with my body, I have become more in-tune with my mind. Yoga, meditation, essential oils and change in diet and routine have influenced my mental state as well. I am more aware of those thoughts which sabotage my mood and have learned to stop them and regulate them, even learning to reword them into a more positive light. This is not easy for me since I have been thinking a certain way my entire life. It takes patience and perseverance and in the past I have been very unsuccessful. Yet I am finding that yoga and mediation have been essential to increasing my mental state. I am so very grateful to my team of spiritual assistants for helping me hear their message (finally).

Ultimately, what has helped me the most is allowing myself to have more time with myself. I have beentaking long baths when I have a list of things to do, stopping to fit in 20 minutes of yoga when I normally would continue at a break-neck pace; letting the house stay a mess and learning to be comfortable no matter how chaotic my environment seems, and not thinking ahead about things I have no control over and just accepting where I am and what I have in that moment.

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October: The Month of Letting Go

This week has been beautiful. There was the blood moon, the eclipse, and Mercury went retrograde. For some reason, the energy has been wonderfully uplifting for me and, as a result, I have been happier, more calm and at peace. However, I know my experience this week has not been the norm. From what I hear from others – adults and children alike – the energy has not settled well with all. Some are completely shocked by it and I mean that literally. I have seen many adults in zombie mode and not in very good moods. The children seem to be very aware and highly sensitive. So if their parents happen to be one of those not handling the energy very well, their poor children are the ones suffering.

For me, the calm, peaceful feeling could not have come at a better time. At work I have been barraged by upset children trying to deal with their parents’ battles and feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control. Thankfully, I was able to remain calm, listen and help them. The adults, on the other hand, are taking most of the upset in stride, but this could be their professional demeanor coming through as when I spoke with one on a more personal level she fought back tears more than once.

What You Resist, Persists

This morning, out of the blue, I heard clearly in my mind, “That which you resist, persists” and I knew this was the theme of October. For those who have been struggling to let go of their past mistakes, regrets, emotional baggage or whatever haunts them, this is the ideal time to stop resisting and open up to healing. Only through acceptance and healing can you truly let go.

Some of us will not be burdened with this process as much as others. We have been letting go for a while now, listening and opening our hearts with compassion for ourselves and allowing the hurt to flow out, accepting and taking responsibility for our part even when we didn’t want to. Some of us were forced through various means. Some may have had upsetting, recurrent dreams with odd characters or people from their past. Others may have run into problems at work, at home or both and ended up in yet another precarious situation in which required them to make yet another impossible decision. Yet this time they may have chosen different; decided they were done and fed up and not going to allow themselves to be unhappy anymore. Still others have been on a bumpy ride for sometime, some of them for years, and this month will seem impossibly difficult as this cycle comes to an end. They may have been struggling with a bitter divorce, illness, family loss or a combination of similar stressful life events. For those individuals who long for peace and just a smidgen of sunshine, be patient it is not far away.

Why I have been particularly spared and allowed to enjoy a bubble of peace and calm in my life, I have my theories spurred by my intuition, but really all that matters is that I am enjoying a nice plateau. Work has really been uplifting for me. My purpose as a helper has been validated time and time again. I feel a part of a beautiful, loving group of people who share similar goals to my own and overall it gives me such great satisfaction to be there. My home life has also been more stable. I have been less anxious and stressed which has given me more time to enjoy my children. I have also had more patience, though at times it was tested. Physically I have been full of energy, so much so that I don’t feel tired even at bedtime. Yet when I try to sleep I instantly drift off to sleep. Finally, spiritually I have been more connected to my spiritual core.

Healingmoon

A huge part of letting go is healing. For me, that is what this month has been so far. I have been feeling the urge to meditate more and it has been wonderful! One night I took a bath and meditated in the bath for a while. It was so easy which is surprising to me since it has not been easy these past 7 years. I have also been meditating at night prior to sleep. One night I fell asleep as I was meditating and awoke still in my meditative position (head propped up with pillows with body horizontal). That night I dreamed I was meditating, even hearing that I needed to have patience and eventually I would be able to hit a higher level.

Of course we are not even halfway through the month, so there is much more healing to go. Some will find it more difficult as the month progresses. This will occur for those who do not wish to “dig up the past” and feel doing so is futile. The more they resist, the more intense the backlash will be.

You may wonder, “What is it that I am suppose to do?” Some of you may not have to consciously do anything. Most of it will happen in your daily life and in your dreams. You may be like me and have synchronicity all around you and then find yourself meditating in your dreams or experiencing healing dreams or, not remembering your dreams at all. Then there are those who may be required to actively participate. This takes some introspection and focus. When a memory of a past issue comes into your mind, inspect it. Ask yourself, “What have I not seen? What have I not noticed?” First you may have to wade through a muck of emotions, but once you have braved the feelings you have so solidly resisted, you will find revelations on the other side. Sometimes it may be as simple as letting yourself off the hook for someone other person’s mistake. Other times it will be you who will be humbled.

You Are Not Alone

Through all of this, so many of you will go through moments of such intense aloneness that you will cry out to God for a reprieve. Try to remember, through all of this, that you are not alone. Never are you alone. In fact, you likely have a squadron of guides around you, assisting you however they can. I am told that this period of feeling utterly alone will also pass. Some will feel it more intensely than others, but as your past losses and issues are addressed and let you, you will feel less and less alone and more and more deeply connected to your inner being and God. It is a slow, nearly imperceptible process that will reveal itself suddenly and with such overflow of love that you will cry happy tears. And through it all, you will never be alone.

You may wonder how to know you are not alone. Faith is one way. I actually got a tarot reading in my dream last night and the reader’s name was Faith. Sometimes you just have to trust that things are working out the way they are meant to. Another way is to look for signs that you have loved ones in Spirit around you. A memory out of the blue, goosebumps when you are not cold, a call from someone you have not spoken to in a long time. And of course, synchronicity.

I will end this post with an experience I had this week that is the perfect example of recognizing we are not alone. My children had lost the remote right when I was going to settle down for some “me” time. I was tired and irritated that I was being denied my “me” time. The remote could not be found and I was growing ever more irritated. Yet as I searched the entire house, I felt a tingle on my left shoulder more than once accompanied by a brief pause in my thoughts and a feeling of, “It’s alright. It will be found”. In my upset I pushed the thoughts away, although I recognized Spirit was following me and trying to help, determined to find it and blaming my middle son. I put my children to bed and resigned myself to just accepting that it would not be found and that life would be fine without it. I felt the tingles again and said to myself as I also heard the thought, “It will be found”. Within moments it was found and I laughed. I told my mother-in-law (she found it) about the tingles and what they meant and she was impressed and grateful as it proved to her as well that we are not alone.

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Cat Mystery Solved

I have been having cats in both my dreams and OBEs for some time now. It has gotten really irritating. Well, today I think I understand what they were trying to tell me.

The Woes of a Child

I got to meet a wonderful girl today. She taught me so much! What did she teach me? That I am not alone. Neither is she.

I listened as this girl told me about how I would think she was crazy. I listened as she told me how the Bible warned against “bad” spirits. I listened when she told me she was sometimes called “Cat lady”. I listened and was amazed.

I watched as I listened. Watched as she refused to look me in the eye. What did she think I was going to see in there? Her soul? Perhaps. I can definitely understand that.

I watched as I saw her try to control the huge amounts of energy pouring through her little body. She did a good job, but I could still see as she shook, as if suddenly cold. When I asked her about it she looked confused and said, “I think I’m just cold” – I think. I asked her if she thought maybe it was because she was trying to hold in her emotions and told her it sometimes happened to me, too. She looked at me wide-eyed and said nothing, but I know she understood.

The story she told me was what brought on the shakes. She loved cats but one her beloved feline friends went missing one day. She couldn’t find him but she thinks he is still around, in Spirit. But then spirit is bad, she said, and so she must be crazy. I wanted to tell her she wasn’t crazy, that Spirit is real and not bad. I wanted to tell her I could sense Spirit near her and that was why she was shaking.

Then she told me of another cat friend and how he died. And then she told the story of how he came to visit her after she had hurt herself. She said she felt his fur as he rubbed up against her leg and she saw his coloring, black and white just like she remembered. Black and white.

I told her she wasn’t crazy. I told her she was special. Inside I was amazed and validated. It was a good day.

Other Realizations

I had another realization today. Hypoglycemia – low blood sugar. It’s symptoms are often mistaken for mental disorders. Why? Because they are the same symptoms!

  • Heart palpitations (rapid or irregular heartbeat)
  • Shaking
  • Sweating
  • Paleness, cold/clammy skin
  • Nausea
  • Seeing flashes of light.
  • Dilated pupils (a common fear-response symptom)
  • Moodiness
  • Negative attitude
  • Exaggeration of relatively minor problems
  • Hunger
  • Slurred speech, can be mistaken for drunkenness
  • Blank look, zombie-like behavior        *Source

Why does this matter? Because I have been diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, Bipolar II and General Anxiety at different times in my life. I was accurately diagnosed with hypoglycemia in 2005. I changed my eating, eating more frequently and eating better foods, and it helped – immensely. And now, as I have been going through similar symptoms from my past I realize that I have not been eating well again. And of course my mood changes are directly linked to my diet.

Another thing I realized (and don’t take offense if you are a firm believer in this) but when I was going through my spiritual awakening, prior to being diagnosed with hypoglycemia, I thought the crazy shaking feeling and other symptoms were because I was not “grounded”. Well that is what everyone told me anyway. Grounding is to connect your energy with the Earth to create a solid link, etc, etc. I never really understood it and it never really helped to do the grounding techniques people told me about. Now I know that my intuition was accurate. I didn’t need to ground, I just needed to eat!

Now the shaking from Spirit, that is a different shaking than caused by hypoglycemia, though I am sure low blood sugar just makes it worse. When Spirit connects with a medium, or someone receptive to them, they can overwhelm them with their energy and this overload causes the medium to shake as if they are very cold. Some will even say they are cold. It also comes with intense emotions that are confusing to an inexperienced medium. So don’t confused hypoglycemic shaking with those caused by Spirit – two totally different things.

Sinking In

So today has been full of “ah-ha’s” and I am still processing everything. On top of the major things, I also had a great conversation with a co-worker. I got chills as we talked and I knew it was a good thing. Chills, or psychic chills as some call them, is a phenomenon that occurs when your energy and the energy of another person(s) or a situation is significant in some way and your energy and the other energy “connect” in just the right way as to intensify the overall energy. It could be that there is a connection between you and an individual or that Truth has been revealed in some way. All in all, the chills I got were localized to my left shoulder, which always says to me that my guide is there reminding me, “This is GOOD”. It always fills me will joy and the sensations intensify. They feel wonderful, like I am loved. I love me some good psychic chills!!!

As the day sinks in more and more I am in awe of how things work. I am so dense and human; impatient and always complaining when things are slow or don’t go as fast as I want them to. It always surprised me when these kinds of things happen and then, of course, I want them all the time. But that is not how life works. There are valleys and hills and I just need to remember that and ride the roller coaster down and suck all the enjoyment out of it that I can to help me through the low times. At the top is the thrill and a voice says, “Bring it on!”. At the bottom there is the despair and a voice says, “Make it stop”. In between is the hard part because the voice says, “What next? What do I do now?” The endless in-between or so it seems.