Daily Archives: May 18, 2015

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Symptom Update: Restoring Balance

Once again I am updating my symptoms, this time because I was prompted by a message from my guide that balance needed to be restored.

Current Symptoms

  • Upper back ache
  • Stiff neck
  • Visual phenomenon (will explain)
  • Ear ringing, tones and other odd sounds
  • Buzzing energy around back of head, third eye and heart
  • Feeling spiritually disconnected
  • Restless sleep with vivid dreams
  • Lack of motivation

The most difficult part of my current symptoms is feeling a spiritual disconnection. I understand this is necessary and that much is occurring during my sleep, but it is an unsettling feeling and I find it hard to find my balanced center.

The visual phenomenon has been going on for some time. The only way I can describe it is as seeing things, usually people, superimposed upon this physical reality. For example, I was talking to my daughter yesterday and I swear I saw a baby where her arm should have been, but when I looked down there was nothing there. I recognized this other being as a baby, saw it clear as day nearly naked and full sized, yet it was not there when I focused on what I saw. Other examples are that I will see individuals standing next to or over a part of a person I am talking to as I am doing mundane things. Sometimes these visual phenomenon surprise me.  Once I saw a tall man and I instantly thought someone was in my house who should not be there. I am getting more use to it now so I am not quite so shocked. So far, none of them have tried to communicate with me.

The other odd change has been to the tonal ringing in my ears. I am pretty use to hearing the tones now. The sound typically gets louder as I begin to fall asleep at night. However, the other night the tone is my ears got so intensely loud and began to sound ominous, like a deep, rattling machine sound. I began to think, “If it gets any louder I don’t know if I can take it”. When I thought this, the tone began to fade out and sound more “normal”. I have only had that sound once but the ringing sound is changing during the day, too. It no longer sounds like a tone but more like a “shshsh” or hissing sound, like the static of a radio. I have heard the radio static sound before when I had my first awakening. I only heard it when in meditation or in the in-between, not during the day. So it coming during the day is a bit alarming to me. The changes in sound go hand-in-hand with the visual phenomenon which has me wondering if perhaps these beings are trying to communicate with me?

Finally, I am the complete opposite of motivated right now. I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling or close my eyes. I spent the whole weekend in such a daze. I knew I had to get stuff done though and finally forced myself to go grocery shopping and cook dinner. Even at work I am struggling to do what needs to be done.

I am told that balance is being restored and I suspect that my lack of motivation and disconnection is part of this process. There are way worse symptoms I could have so I am grateful that I am sleeping through the worst of it.

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The Dr. Returns

Last night was an eventful night. No, I didn’t project nor was I even lucid, but I had a sequence of dreams, all connected, that culminated in one nearly lucid dream in which I again met up with the Dr. (from previous blog posts).

Military

The first dream in the sequence was focused around the return of a military mission. I was inside a dorm room and waiting for a man to return. He was not my husband but someone I knew. I recall helping organize some things – photographs, keepsakes, etc – while waiting.

Infected

The dream then shifts from a military feeling to a medical facility feeling. I was of two Me’s – the me observing the dream and the me as a character in the dream. My character persona was wearing an all white hospital gown and there was a long conversation going on between the observer me and another individual, a woman.

The character me is standing in the middle of a bright white room as we are talking. This is when it got weird. A tiny, illuminated, blue square of energy shot out of nowhere and made contact with the dream character me. This blue cube was three-dimensional and about one inch all around.

Once the cube inserted itself inside the character me, the observer me knew this meant a physical change would occur. She (I) recognized the change to mean that having children was no longer possible and there would be a gradual deterioration of health.

Phil

There is a long period of blurred images and experiences during this time. I am aware of making the decision to be with a man much younger than me. My awareness is very, very diminished but I somehow know that we had sexual relations and am filled with a happiness and peace that is hard to describe. I remember laying next to him in a void. I say void because it seems so dark and devoid of features other than a long, wooden or metal “bed” which we are laying on.

When my awareness comes back to me, me and this man who I know as “Phil”, are discussing a third member of our group. She is the me from the previous dream, the one who was “infected”. I know she cannot be with us because she is struggling to manage her illness. I see within my mind a screen showing her vital statistics. The statistics are shown as a green line that is in an arc heading higher and higher. However, when she becomes infected the arc, a greenish color, begins to descend and turn red. I see this “memory” of the doctors explaining what she needs to do. She must take this medicine to manage her condition as it will slowly affect her, causing her physical condition to deteriorate more and more.

Then I am talking to this “other” me, who seems very child-like, even though she is fully grown. She is very frail and thin, her skin pale and almost translucent. I find her on the floor in a white hospital-like setting, with an IV in her arm. She is unresponsive and I say to her, “Why did you do that?” and in my mind I know she has overdosed on the drug she is suppose to take to help her illness. I shake her and am worried. I have a communication with her that is without words. In it, there is a vision of her showing me three drawings she has done. They are familiar to me and are childrhuman-dnaen’s drawings. I see my initials on the top of the paper and point them out to her, congratulating her on her ability to draw and write her name.

Phil, who had been with me, is now gone but I can talk to him in my mind. The dream becomes muddled here as I gain awareness. I recognize my deep connection to this man and know he is 29 years old. At the same time i recognize this number to be significant as it adds up to 11. I am so happy to be with him but know that our communication is limited to only times he initiates. I trust him, though, and know that no communication does not indicate no connection.

I attempt several time to write an email to Phil about the ailing me. I type his email – Philateree@gmail.com.  The first time I try to send I type the address wrong and it does not go through. The second time I type it, I wake up.

The Dr. Returns

I awake to such an overwhelming calm and peace. The dream sequence is still vivid and I try to make sense of it. Am I sick? Does the dream character me indicate that I am physically ill?

My mind is filled with questions and I struggle to find the connection with my Higher Self. Why can’t I connect?

That is when I sense my guide and recognize he is the same man as in my dream. I instantly think, “Phil”. I then remember the dream I had a while back about “Dr. Who” and realize that he is the Dr from that and other dreams. He sends confirmation.

Much knowingness floods into my mind and I recognize that for some reason I have been afraid of whatever healing is about to be initiated. My dreams represent this fear. The military connection has to do with emotional repression. The illness represents a need to be healed. The IV represents healing and that an important message has been missed.

The tiny blue cube was a mystery, though. What did it symbolize?

I heard a response – “Genome”.

This response confuses me. “What genome?” and I think, “The human genome”.

I had to get up and get ready for work so I had to stop communication there. I am still trying to figure out what all these dreams signify and I am at a loss. I know I felt good this morning, so that is a positive. I suspect that my Ego is overreacting, so I distrust myself to decipher what it all means. All I know is that the last time I met with the Dr he initiated an intense healing of my heart.