Monthly Archives: September 2015

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Dream: Seven Tests

I woke early and prematurely at 5:15am from a very vivid dream.

Dream: Seven Tests

The dream was about me and my family moving into a new house in the woods somewhere in the Northwest, at least that is how I perceived it. I went inside the house, which my husband purchased without me ever seeing it, and stared up at its vaulted ceilings. My guide was with me, though in the dream I did not fully recognize him. I exclaimed to my guide, “The ceilings are transparent but they aren’t made of glass!” He said, “Yes. It is a material you do not have on Earth. It is thin and malleable. A good construction material with excellent insulating qualities”. I continued to stare up at the see-through ceilings that we draped in a fine material that hit the floor and resembled a solid wall.

Inside was brought a small Christmas tree, freshly cut. It was only 3 feet high and I wondered about it. To my thought my guide responded, “You did not want a big one”. I remember this, thinking, “Oh yeah”, as I watched my “family” (they did not appear as my family in real life) put the tree in the center of a coffee table that was located near a fireplace.

I then walked toward the back of the house to where the rooms were located. This part of the house appeared to be an add-on made of different material and with a lower ceiling. I saw a table and what appeared to be a low counter. It reminded me of a coffee shop and I was told the previous occupants, and old man and woman, use to run a business there. I still liked it and thought of all of its potential. Someone mentioned it would need new floor as I looked out the door and saw the trees and a dirt path.

I walked outside and around the house and saw a playground nearby. My daughter was suddenly with me and we went to investigate. There was a very tall slide that she ran eagerly toward. I cautioned her, fearing she would fall, but she climbed up anyway. I was happy to think her school would be close because the playground was adjacent to one.

Turning back toward the house I saw three women sitting outside having a drink. Suddenly I began talking to them about a “test” we all had to take. The women shifted from two to three, the third sometimes showing to be male. I recall hearing my own husband say he passed the test and me not wanting to take it or study for it. The specific test was just one in a group of tests that needed to be passed, seven in all I think. This one was related to first aid. My husband got a 75% and the neighbor got a 70%. They were telling me I should study. I didn’t want to.

I asked the neighbors if the school was the one my child would go to. They said no and showed me a huge culvert that they walked their children through. Their school was on the other side. I did not like the looks of it and thought they were planning something sinister. I suddenly felt these neighbors were not “safe” and began to back away from them. They gave me their names and I repeated them several times, but I soon forgot them.

Interpretation

The move to a new house feels symbolic of entering a new spiritual stage, one which I have yet to “see” as I did not know what the house looked like in the dream.

The ceiling indicates my spiritual perspective. In this case it is growing larger, encompassing more and made of a new material which allows for a better view, a bigger view.

The Christmas tree symbolizes spiritual enlightenment. In this case I only allowed myself so much of this (three feet tall), almost as if I am afraid of too much too soon. I can identify with this completely. Baby steps sound better to me than leaps and bounds at this point!

The house changes to a store of some kind. The fact that it was owned by an old couple and I felt comfortable there seems to indicate that this place is a place I enjoy being and that such a place exists within my reach if I want it. I could see out the door into the forest outside. There was a feeling of calm and a desire to be in this forest and explore. Forests happen to symbolize transitional phases.

The playground is likely a desire of mine to let loose and have fun. I am cautious to do this however as my “daughter” (me) runs off and enjoys herself. I let go of this worry and allow her to do so even though the slide is very, very tall. The slide, fittingly, symbolizes the loss of control.

The tests indicate a feeling of being scrutinized and feeling a need to meet certain expectations. I keep avoiding the test and also do not want to study for it. The test is a test on first aid which I suspect symbolizes healing. It is interesting to me that there are 7 tests. 7 is the number of spiritual awakening, awareness, and universal consciousness.

The tunnel could represent a narrow minded view of something or some kind of birth or new beginnings as well as an exploration into the subconscious. In this case it causes me to be wary of my three neighbors, who I believe are teachers or guides of some kind. This tunnel was dark and unknown. I had such reservation to go in it, even though I knew it led to good things. I suspect it leads to areas of myself that I have yet to fully explore and this scares me.

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Solar Plexus Pain

At around 8pm CST last night I began to feel nauseous for no reason. It only happened when I ate a snack and then went away. I didn’t think anything of it. I figured I must have gotten over hungry.

When I attempted to go to sleep I felt a huge knot in my solar plexus. It literally felt like a cramp and I thought I must have gotten the stomach flu. Yet I was not nauseous. I also felt a huge amount of energy around the top of my head and third-eye. When I attempted to communicate with my Team, though, I had no success.

Then the stomach knot got worse and I started to feel ill. It would come and go in waves, never getting very bad. I also felt very thirsty for some reason. I was up quite a bit drinking and then using the bathroom.

At midnight I awoke from a dream in which I was trying to keep a woman from taking my daughter. It was dark and we were in two SUVs. My daughter in one and me in the other. I received a message from the woman that said, “I have come to take her”. I knew she was late. She was suppose to get her on the first of the month and in my mind I saw it was a week later than planned.

I woke up in pain and to a visual behind my eyes of a vibrant green. I then heard, “Vat 50” as part of a longer message. It had something to do with an energy wave coming and affecting a specific group of individuals. I didn’t much care about the message because the knot in my solar plexus was really bothering me. I could lay on my back just fine but if I attempted to lay on my side I would feel the cramping and have slight nausea. If I sat up I also felt fine but I can’t sleep sitting up.

I also smelled a strange smell that was very out of place. It was the smell of cigarette butts. I first smelled it in the bathroom but then it was really intense when I was laying in bed trying to sleep. It eventually went away but it was really odd.

It was 2am or around there before I think I finally fell asleep. When I woke up at 7am I felt fine but had a slight headache. I have been able to eat without incident this morning and have absolutely no sign of what I felt last night.

I am not sure if what I experienced was an actual sickness or if it was caused by a blockage in my solar plexus. When I checked the k-index I saw that during the night there had been very high geomagnetic storms, one hitting a 7 out of 9 on the scale. This is the highest I have seen in a while and I wonder if my illness was a reaction to it, especially since I seem to be having reactions to geomagnetic activity lately.

Whatever the case, I am exhausted this morning and feel like I have been through the wringer.

Link to current solar data.

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Odd Thoughts, Feelings and Sensations

After six weeks of eating vegetarian, I ate meat. As soon as I did I felt sick to my stomach and very, very full despite having not eaten much. When I lay down to sleep I had a strong feeling that my eating meat was going to affect my sleep, specifically that I would project. Turns out, I slept very well and awoke feeling rested which has not been the case all week. On top of that, I was able to project six times!

Interestingly, my projections were very unreal compared to my past experiences. They seemed fake to me, but I don’t know why. In the moment each occurred, they were indeed very real and very obviously OBEs. However, there was something that felt very “off” about all of them.

When I awoke from them I was not happy about having them. I have already written about the strong feelings I have now since having these projections. I feel that “someone” or some group of someones is purposefully trying to distract me from something through these experiences. I know this is completely out of character for me, but that is how it feels.

Odd Feelings, Thoughts and Sensations

For a while now I have been having thoughts of this life, this reality, being unreal. These thoughts are random and have been increasing in frequency over the past two months.

Examples of such thoughts:

  • I will look at the sky and feel very tiny, almost insignificant while at the same time feel to be watching myself from high above where I am three times the size of Earth. The resulting feeling is that I will disappear or disintegrate. Vanish. Poof!
  • Sitting with my youngest, I was fiddling with his hair and thinking how similar it felt to that of a doll. Then with this thought came a feeling that the experience I was having – the experience of motherhood – was not real and that all my relationships were similarly unreal. It is all pretend and the only reason for it existing at all was because I wanted it to.
  • At times my body will feel foreign to me. It is hard to explain but there is a sense that it is not mine; not me.
  • I also feel that I am being watched. By who I don’t know for sure. Sometimes I think it is Me and other times I swear I catch a glimmer of a person or a shadow moving past.

I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. I find it peculiar that my OBEs this morning had the recurring theme of death. In some my sister and mother were dead. In the last there were two heads poking out of the ground and I though instantly that they were dead. Is this a reflection of me feeling disconnected from this life and everyone in it? Is that why I had such a strange feeling when I woke up? What am I missing? What is happening to me?

I was warned that I would have strange thoughts and it is coming to pass. I was warned that I would feel different, similar to a newly hatched chick. I suppose that could be why my body feels foreign to me and why I am feeling so strangely alienated from my family; family whom I should have an overwhelmingly strong emotional connection to. It could be why I have such strange sensations in my body – I am overwhelmed by noises, the sun seems to sear my eyes and later in the day I want to keep them closed all day they are so tired, I have odd urges to be touched but at the same time I reject touch, I am anxious around people I don’t know and feel overwhelmed by their energy despite shielding myself from it.

On top of all this the line from a song is repeating in my head, “You’ve gotta take it on your own from here. It’s getting pathetic and I’m almost done here”. This comes from a Greg Laswell song, “Come Back Down“.

I am still not sure what the lines in the song indicates but it causes my heart center to pull when I think of it.

Whatever is happening, I hope the part of the song that says, “I’m almost done here” is a message that this will soon be over.

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Three OBEs: Trying to Create a Portal

When I awoke this morning around 6am, I asked to project and rolled over back to sleep.

OBE: Search for Clarity

I don’t recall how or when I realized I was dreaming, I just did. The actual dream I was having is lost to me now.

The next thing I remember is rolling out of my body and moving away from it. The entire time I was chatting with someone and had a high energy. It felt like the “child” in me wanted to play while another part of me was trying unsuccessfully to regain control.

My vision was in blacks and grays and I knew I needed to gain stability and clarity despite the chatter that was going on in my mind.

I thrust my hands out in front of me and focused on feeling my astral body. When I saw my hands they were very tan, but perfect in every detail. I did not look at them for long, though, because the child took over and I was unable to do anything but follow along.

The internal struggle soon resulted in a return to my body.

OBE: Who’s Dead?

As soon as I exited my body, the child again took the lead and I felt unable to get good clarity. Following along, it felt much like a lucid dream as I participated in the events that followed.

Much of this experience and the one after is muddled. I know that I was in bed briefly with a man who shifted into a woman as I shifted from woman to man. I was interrupted by my sister, who was dead and did not appear as I remember her. I recall also knowing my mother was dead and had been for a long time. All of them (my family) were dead, it seemed!

Even with this information I was unable to take over the OBE fully. The other me, the child me, was in control and I was merely the observer. There was a feeling that came to me in that moment that something was very wrong.

OBE: Trying to Create a Portal

As I exited my body yet again, I began to try and move out of the current low energy scene into another one. Knowing I could do this by moving through a portal, I tried to create one by opening the front door of the house. I spent quite a bit of time it seemed creating the portal door. The experience seems to pause here and then I said aloud, “It will be light” as I opened the door, but when it opened it was still dark outside.

I spent much of this OBE working on creating an exit from the scene which was feeling very wrong in its energy and was dominated by “the child”. I knew that if I could fly upward very fast that eventually I would get pulled and shift into a higher vibrational level.

I launched myself upward into the night sky and kept my eyes open. There was a swift movement and a pulling sensation as I rose higher and higher. Pleased, I closed my eyes, anticipating the shift that often came with movement upward. The pulling sensation never intensified and when I looked down I was still only about 8-10 feet up in the air.

Disappointed, I willed myself up again but instead of moving upward, I shifted back into my body.

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OBEs: Dead Sister and List

OBE: Dead Sister

I exited my body and found myself in a dark, unfamiliar room. I saw my sister and recognized her as such, but in my mind she was a ghost. For some reason I thought she had died and was attempting to contact me in my sleep. She also looked different. Instead of her blonde hair, her hair was colored a medium brown and had golden streaks in it. It was also much shorter than I remember, coming to just above her collarbone.

She spoke to me, saying she had come to take so-and-so away with her. She said she was leaving and telling me goodbye. I do not recall the person’s name she had come to take but I knew it was a young girl – her daughter. Being she does not have a daughter in real life. I think this confused me and I could not seem to grasp what was going on. I decided to ignore my “sister”, assuming she was a dream character. Yet, she still lingered around as if she wanted to say more.

There was a strange feeling, almost like I needed to “wake up” to something. This caused me to return to my body.

OBE: List

The next thing I recall was being in a lucid state but near my body. The shifty feeling was very intense and my vision was in grays and blacks. I was in the corner of my room talking to someone. I seemed to be chatting away but I cannot recall what I was saying.

I realized I was dreaming and could exit my body. As soon I as I realized this, I felt my body and exited it, moving quickly toward my bedroom door.

I had thought I was in my own room but when I exited I was outside at my Mom’s house in her front yard. It was dark still and I could see the stars in the sky.

I wandered around near the side of the house where my Mom’s clothesline is, talking away. I wanted to go up into space and sent out the intent in a thought. As I did, I launched myself upward toward the sky.

As I soared up, I felt a strange wind hit me. It was quite intense and had I been able to hear it would have howled in my ears. Instead I just knew it was intense and could feel it hitting my astral body. I ignored it, soaring over the treetops and just enjoying being free.

I sent out the intent to go up and felt myself go up. I thought, “Faster. Faster”, but I seemed to stop as soon as I got to a certain height. I looked down and saw the house and the treetops and then up at the sky. I said, “I want to go into space”.

I tried again to go up, but the familiar pull that I am use to was not there. It was like there was a ceiling stopping me.

Then I was down near the ground again and suddenly felt I needed to write all of my experiences down because I would forget them if I didn’t. A piece of narrow, white paper appeared along with a pen and I began to write out what I remembered. I only remember now that I wrote down that I had seen my sister and that I had tried to go into space, but there was much, much more written. I even spelled out the words and read the list back to myself, but none of it stuck. Now it is just a blur of words in my memory.

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OBE: Planted Heads

This is the last in a string of OBE’s I had this morning. I am starting with the last because it is most vivid in my mind.

OBE: Planted Heads

The last OBE of the morning began with me coming out of my old bedroom at my Mom’s house. I was talking with someone as I flew out the door and into the living area. There I saw my middle son dressed and smiling at me. I knocked him down and threw food all over him from a tray of food that suddenly appeared in my hand. I smeared the food all over him, most of which was refried beans, and yelled, “Food fight!”. I tossed some in the air as well and was smiling and laughing. When my son just lay there, I stopped and lost interest, heading toward the front door.

The room was dark as I headed to the door and I said aloud, “It is going to be light outside”. I repeated this as I opened the door.

I saw a tiny sliver of light open up and expand in front of my eyes and there was the front yard in full daylight. I immediately went out into it and surveyed the scene.

The sky was dotted with cirrus and cumulus clouds but it looked painted and unreal. There was no depth to the sky and it was a very unnatural vibrant blue. The grass was similarly a vibrant green but somewhat painted looking.

Then I noticed something very odd. There were two human heads poking up out of the ground. They were men’s heads but I didn’t recognize them. They looked at me and I thought, “They are dead” and “They are growing like flowers”. That is when the heads turned into clusters of tiny yellow flowers. Every time I looked at them they shifted between head and flowers.

There was someone with me still – a young girl I think – and I said to her, “I want to fly”. I began to lift up into the unnatural looking sky and I looked down and saw my middle son was there as well. I had trouble getting up very high but kept willing myself up. “I want to go into space. I want to see the Earth again. This time I won’t be scared, I promise”. I seemed to be trying to convince myself of this.

I saw my son standing below me looking up and I said, “Come with me!” I pulled on his hand but he felt like a lead weight and I could not budge as long as I held his hand, so I let it go.

Then, I felt the familiar pull upward and saw the sky moving past me, this time looking very real. I felt the air hitting me and smiled, thinking I was finally going to get to go up. Unfortunately, the movement stopped suddenly and I felt an odd feeling that is hard to describe. It was like I was being told, “No”, but there was more to it. I felt like something was really wrong. What was wrong?

Afterwards

I came back into my body feeling very displeased about the whole experience, the still-strange feeling haunting me. I can’t seem to shake it. It came with the thought that all the OBEs I had were “not real” – that all of what I had gone through was a purposeful distraction from this life. There was a huge distaste for all of it – all the spiritual experiences, the OBEs and other strange phenomenon.

Honestly, I still feel it strongly. It is like I am focusing on the wrong thing. I almost want to say that all that is ascension-related is a purposeful “show” put on by those who do not want us to “see” what is really going on. It is like a red warning sign is flashing in front of me saying, “Do not let that which is fascinating and mysterious blind you, for that is its ultimate purpose”. The mystery is a lure, a trap of sorts. At least that is what the feeling is telling me. But why? I feel suddenly very ill from the thought of it.

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Limbic System

While sitting on the sofa watching T.V. I had a sudden strange energetic sensation hit me. With the feeling came an all-over-body calm, as if I had taken pain medication and it had just taken effect.

At first I thought it was a download because it was centered around my head, but the sensation was not the same. This energy was wrapped around my head and shot down my spine, ending approximately halfway down my back between my shoulder blades. My previously sore neck was now relaxed and almost numb in comparison and my head felt expanded though it also had a strange numbness about it. The feeling reminded me of when I had a spinal block – my entire body seemed expansive and floaty.

I sat there in awe of the feeling, assuming I was receiving healing and grateful for it. I have never felt such intense energy in my head. I could specifically feel it in each of the lobes of my brain, specifically more intense in my right lobe than my left.

I enjoyed it for a while and then went back to watching my television show.

Then I was hit with an increase in intensity of the feeling and I sent out a query to my guide. “What’s going on?” I received back a feeling that all was well and to expect more of the same.

Focusing back on my show, which was a very serious (I was watching Fringe), I suddenly began to cry for no reason. There was a sudden sadness and a few tears, but they did not make sense – completely out of place.

I sent another query out, feeling a bit confused. I saw in my mind’s eye an individual standing in front of me and off to my left and felt from them that I needn’t worry.

Then I heard simply, “Limbic System“. I knew this system was related to the brain and I suspected it was linked to emotions. Sure enough, upon researching it I found that it was. Hmmm. This area of my brain has been worked on before (amygdala).

Currently

The energetic sensations are still present and I feel like I am a walking balloon-head at the moment. Thankfully, the feeling is calming and I am having fun pretending that I am merely experiencing some kind of spiritual “high” for the time being. The sensation makes me want to lay down and close my eyes and just drift off into dreamland. Of course, I can’t do that. Sigh.

I have to add that there came with this energy a strange feeling that this was E.T. related. When I asked what was going on, I sensed a being standing near me to my left. I could not see him and just assumed he was one of my guides. Yet, I connected seeing him to stories of alien abductions – I felt that what was happening to me was similar. I then immediately began to reject what was happening. I quickly calmed this part of me down, but it is still quite alarming if I think about it. This part of me feels quite violated for some reason. Why do I need to be “worked on” and to what purpose? Why is “someone” messing with my emotions like this?

It literally feels like I have been hit with some kind of energy beam from above. It is shooting into my head and down through my spine. My body is reacting to it like it would some kind of narcotic drug and my emotions are turning on for no reason.

All I can do is trust that all is okay. These sensations, these energy “bolts” from out of nowhere don’t hurt me or cause me to get worse. They seem to make me better and better and better. It really is quite surreal. Like something from a SciFi movie.

I feel like saying, “Beam me up, Scottie”.

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Wide Open

I had a realization yesterday. While at yet another meeting, I began feeling anxious and panicky for no reason whatsoever. Yes, I was at a meeting and expected to voice my two cents, but it was nothing out of the ordinary and usually I am quite relaxed at such meetings. So the anxiety was out of place.

I thought at first there must be geomagnetic storms or something causing the anxiety but something didn’t feel right about that conclusion. I felt I should inspect the feeling more and recognized that I had increases in the anxious feeling when I would focus one whomever was talking.

Was I perhaps picking up on their energy?

That was when the idea came to me to surround myself in protection; to block the energies coming in from all around me.

I visualized an egg-shaped shield of protection around my body while focusing my energy into the ground and out through my crown chakra. When I did this, I unintentionally put up the violet flame. I don’t normally do this. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I put up an energy shield and I don’t recall ever using the violet flame. In fact, I didn’t consciously think, “I invoke the violet flame”. I just noticed that the shield I had erected around me was a pinkish-purple color and the words “violet flame” popped into my head.

Taking deep breaths I left the shield in place and focused my full attention back on the meeting. My heart rate dropped significantly and my breathing settled. I no longer had anxious thoughts when just moments before I had thought, “I am going to pass out” or “I need to get out of here”.

The rest of the day was similarly clouded with anxious thoughts that made no sense. I did not take the time to put the shield in place as I was too distracted and had already forgotten about my experience in the meeting. I had another meeting at the end of the day which had me a bundle of nerves and no matter how I tried to settled (I even stopped to meditate) the nerves would not calm down. I knew in my heart there was no reason for my concern but I seemed unable to control the anxiety over this meeting because my boss had not told me why we were having it.

At the meeting I soon discovered that my intuition had been right. There was no need for the worry. I was being called in for a consult! Haha!

You are Wide Open

I had a headache most of the day that came and went along with the strange changes in mood. I just felt off-kilter most of the day and could not wait to settle down to sleep. Except, like all of my nights this week, I could not fall asleep. I was tired but wide awake and alert for no reason. Thankfully my thoughts were not ridden with negative visions or strange concerns.

As I lay there trying to meditate I focused on my third-eye and heart simultaneously. When I did, I suddenly saw this odd pattern of energy dancing around me. I recognized it as my aura but it was unlike any visual I have ever had of my energy body. It was in waves of pink and indigo and was moving in and out and through me very quickly like electricity. I could see tendrils of color oscillating across my line of sight. It was absolutely spectacular.

As I recognized what I was seeing, a question began to form in my mind. Before the thought was completed my Companion said to me, “You are wide open”.

With this came an understanding that the current process I was going through was causing this sudden openness to everything that I had previously been closed off to. It was like I had returned to my youth, a period when I was bombarded with similar unwanted feelings and found it difficult to cope. But this time I knew how to shield myself but had gotten lazy over time because it had become second-nature. Apparently I could not rely on the shield just automatically being there right now. It would take specific intention to keep myself shielded from unwanted emotion, energy and negative feedback.

Thankfully my headache is gone today but I have energy sensations around my head. It feels like gentle healing energy all around my head and face. Almost like someone is wrapping me in a pillow of energy. It is subtle and calming.

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Night of Vivid Dreams

Sleep was good last night and I feel rested this morning. The only problem is I had a very long dream, one of those dreams that continues after waking and then falling back to sleep.

I won’t go into the dream details but I want to explore the symbolism because some symbols reappeared throughout.

Puffer Fish and Babies

In one dream a woman caught a huge Puffer Fish. It was bloated and the size of a beach ball. From inside she pulled two small babies and I was shocked. I asked, “It is a marsupial?” I knew we were in Australia at the time and almost became lucid.

The babies then traveled with us throughout the dream. We were protecting them.

Puffer fish symbolize repressed or unexpressed anger. Because it was puffed up, it symbolizes the holding in of something (not specified) which is in danger of exploding at any time.

Interestingly, babies represent warmth, innocence and new beginnings. In this case, there were two (not twins), and I was protecting them. They grew up to young boys in the dream, even. Two symbolizes duality, partnership and soul receptivity.

From looking at the symbols here I suspect I was discussing how I transmuted something negative into something positive. Growth is occurring.

Houses

There were many different houses in my dream. The most common was a cluster of houses inside a compound. They were not lived in, but empty and waiting to be moved into. I remember walking along a cobblestone path between the houses and thinking that I liked this place, which I called a “commune”. I liked the idea of living there and felt comfortable, even suggesting we invite others to live there.

The house in general is symbolic of the soul and Self. In this case I believe I was discussing other aspects of mySelf and exploring the possibility that these exist.

In another dream I located a house in the commune which I recognized and pointed it out. I told my mother, “I want to move back there” and pointed to it. It was white with large windows in the front and two front doors. It was still occupied but the owners were moving out and were going to let me move in. They gave me a Mother’s Day present, which I opened. Two balloons floated out of it and it spewed confetti everywhere. Inside were small pieces of candy. The present cost $16 I was told. I felt I did not deserve it.

This dream represented a forgotten aspect of mySelf. I seemed fond of it. I explored it in great depth, even the backyard which had a hutch with wild rabbits and a crystal clear swimming pool. I believe I was being encouraged to explore this aspect and that is why I was given the present. There are other symbols here as well, but I won’t go into depth on them.

Whiskey Lullaby

When I awoke a song was in my head called “Whiskey Lullaby”. It was only one part of the song, which repeated over and over. This was the second morning that I awoke singing it to myself.

The lyrics I heard were:

Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees

It’s quite a depressing song and the lyrics I heard made me wonder if perhaps I had gotten in over my head in this life.

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Redefining Reality

Like clockwork I am visited in the evenings before bed by my Companion. His presence and intent is made known via an intense pulling sensation in my third-eye. If I send out a mental query, I receive nothing in return. Yet if I direct my focus to my heart center, I received the communication. It is from this center that I receive his messages and accompanying comfort and calm.

I am unaccustomed to this new method of communication and struggle with it greatly. I want, no it seems I need, to translate the messages I receive into thoughts and words. Writing posts in this blog adds to this difficulty in translating what it is that I have received. In our original form we do not speak in words or even thoughts like what would be expected by us in the physical form. We speak in feelings which translate into a deep knowingness that is not limited to words/language.

My understanding is that I am to recover that which I have lost in the transfer into this human form. This includes, among many other abilities, the ability to know without the need to rationalize or analyze through the use of thoughts and language.

Yet at the same time I am still urged to share this process of transformation, of awaking to my True Self, with others. To do so means language must be used to translate all that is occurring. This is an intricate process because to use language incurs the use of the human mind and thus awakens the Ego to the process. It seems a catch-22 but I am assured it can be done.

Control of Thought

One lesson I am learning is how to control the random thoughts that are rising up out of my subconscious. They bombard me especially as I attempt to fall to sleep. Images such as a messy room strewn with torn paper and a pair of broken glasses and a counter top covered in spilled milk. The second these images appear there is an accompanying reaction of rejection and anxiety. It fills up my entire chest region and pulls me to wakefulness. I think of my youngest who has been into mischief these last few weeks – climbing up onto the kitchen counter or getting into things he should not. He has been known to toss dishes on the floor and break eye glasses (two pair now) among other things.

Image after image came into my mind last night and each time I awoke to a strong anxiety and upset. I pleaded to my Companion to help me. Why is this happening?

I was instructed to become the Observer and to note what was occurring each time one of these thoughts came into my mind. It did not take me long to recognize the pattern – visual appears followed by immediate rejection and welling up of anxiety.

It was then explained to me that these random images were the result of a purging of my third chakra and heart centers. There is a need to control my environment attached to a belief that if I can keep it under control then it cannot control me. The key to dissolving the images was to change my reaction to them. Acceptance is the key. Allow the experience to occur. Inspect the negative reaction. Allow it to teach me what it has to teach.

All experience has a lesson for us. To reject the experience is to reject the lesson. To reject the lesson means it will repeat until it is learned.

I appealed to my Companion, “But I react instantly and seem not to be able to control it”.

The response was that to control automatic reactions one must disengage and become the observer. And one must not be discouraged along the way for this is a habit that has been a lifetime in the making and will take time to reverse.

Discouraged, I felt suddenly very overwhelmed and wanted to quit.

I was then reminded that I must celebrate even the “smallest” of achievements.

Seeing Things as they Are

Still struggling to fall asleep, I was brought to awareness by a simple statement: “You will see things as they are rather than how you want them to be.”

I thought of it but could not stay focused and managed to fall asleep (finally!).

New Patterns in the Making

I overslept by 40 minutes this morning. My alarm did not go off and my husband and daughter forgot to wake me. As I rushed to get ready for work, my tired mind was interrupted periodically by the calming thoughts of my Companion. Each comment was in response to a thought of my own.

“I’m going to be late” was redirected with, “Let it go” and a feeling of calm and a knowing that it was not a big deal.

“I am going to miss my first appointment” was redirected with, “I can change my schedule”.

As I drove, I encountered a dreamy feeling and my vision was hazy. I briefly worried I would get into an accident and I was reminded that my thoughts create my reality and to control them. I no longer thought of “what-ifs” and drove faster than my normal cautious speed.

I arrived to work on time and noticed the sun in its brilliance as it rose. I heard my Companion say to me, “Celebrate! It’s a new day!” and I was filled with wonder and joy, as if this day was my first day of life.

And so far, it has been a good day.