Daily Archives: December 16, 2015

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Walk-In, Settling-In

The more I live this life the more I think that I put in all kinds of twists and turns to keep myself on my toes. It just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser.

I was in the shower when it happened. Suddenly, I felt completely disconnected from this life and who I am….or….er was. When I tried to contact her/myself it was strange. I honestly can’t find the words for the feeling.

I had flashes of my life come into my mind. My past and present all at once combined together. Usually emotionally charged memories were just dead, like a movie film of someone else’s life. There were memories of specific people like my Mom and sisters, my childhood friends, and pets I loved and lost. All incidents which I held onto for whatever reason be it anger, hurt, sadness, joy. When I saw these memories I knew those experiences had “served their purpose”. I was “done” and they weren’t needed anymore.

Huh?

I freaked a bit, but not too much because I instantly recognized where this amnesia-like feeling came from. My Companion and his settling in. He told me it would be “different”. Ha! This is freakin’ WEIRD!

I remembered the blender I saw in a vision. Funny but not funny. I feel a bit violated. This is MY life dammit! Stop taking it away! – Yet I know it is not going anywhere, hasn’t gone anywhere. But I am so utterly different than I was. So totally different than I was even yesterday.

It is hard to explain. I wish I could articulate it, but I don’t think a feeling like this has a word in this or any other language.

I sense a change in my energy. It is specifically on the entire left side of my body; the left side of my brain. My head hurts on and off. My neck, too. My focus shifts in and out.

My heart chakra hurts one minute and is exploding in love the next. Then I want to laugh and giggle and let it take over. Woosh!

I keep expecting the lost emotion from those memories that flooded my mind to come back. But when I inspect them, they are the same. They are there. I can remember everything about them, but I am different. It is like I am turning my back on them and walking away. I am saying goodbye to my life and everything that went with it.

I will say my children have not been in those memories. Neither has my current husband. The memories in question are of my Mom, Dad, sisters, old friends, ex husband, college, high school, etc. They go back to the beginning of this life. That me is fading quickly. She was already alien to me in many ways but now it is like she is just gone. And what is even better is that it feels like the karma is gone with her. Maybe this blending thing isn’t so bad….

As I type this I am being asked to let go, to step aside, to make room for this other me. But I see the division clearly, it is like a door has opened and I am being asked to walk through it. When I do, I leave this behind, these memories, this entire story that is my life.

And the glimpses I am getting of what it will be like without the heaviness of my past (I didn’t realize it was heavy until now) I am not near as afraid I was.

I can’t help but think that I will wake up in the next week or so and not be me anymore. Not this me anyway. Parts of me will be there, I think that is necessary, but a new part will be in charge. How can this be? How can such a thing happen? Honestly, I don’t know. And I don’t even know if I will know when it occurs being it has gotten this far and I am just now noticing. Weird. Weird. Weird.

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Message: Our Ship Has Suc-Seeded

I slept hard last night but had a long, in-dept dream this morning. I am told that the deep sleep occurred because a re-alignment is in process. It seems always that I am realigning!

Dream: Gentle Giants

I was co-teaching a class of middle schoolers. This was a temporary assignment I was asked to help with, so I agreed. I was not comfortable with it fully, however, because I had to administer to them a test. I ended up letting my co-teacher give the test. It as a history test of 20, multiple choice questions.

I observed the students while they took the test. What is strange is that there were hundreds of them! Most were playful and be mischievous. When caught they obediently did what they were asked to. One girl put lipstick on me and I allowed it. So strange!

I was then going to the parking lot to leave (I had stayed too long) and was seemingly transported to a different scene in which I was the observer.

There was a man looking in through the window. He was very large, probably upwards of 8 feet tall. He looked human but his skull was very large with strong cheekbones and a high forehead.

I interacted with him but soon found he was very simple minded. He told me of his life story and I knew he was badly treated. Orphaned at a young age he fell into a crevice and was left for dead. Strangely, people threw coins at him rather than help him.

He somehow survived but the incident left him without legs. I saw instead he had prosthetic legs made of metal. I wonder, though, if those were his real legs.

His job and the job of others of his kind (there were very few) was to mine the salt mines. I saw extensive tunnels of salt mines. It was a marbled rose colored salt and very beautiful. I saw the crystalline properties of this salt up close. I do not believe it was like table salt.

This gentle giant had intermingled with a woman who was much smaller. They had produced a child. I remember seeing the child. The woman treated him very abusively because of his simple mindedness. Even though he had been treated horribly, he did not hold any grudges and was very happy.

Considerations

When I woke I considered the dream sequence and wondered if perhaps the dream was showing me the history of these long, lost gentle giants. Was this Earth history? I suspect it might be but since it was a dream I am not sure.

The salt cave was very vivid. Apparently there are actual salt caves in the US and there is a salt mine in the Himalayas. Very cool!

I contemplated it but fell into the in-between. I felt myself in space again, transported to a void where a brilliant white light flashed. It brought my awareness back but not before I heard a voice say, “Our ship has succeeded”. However, when I heard the last word I saw it spelled, “Suc-Seeded” and there was a mild chuckle with that.

Oh the humor my Team has!

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Transmutation of Sexual Desire

It has come to my attention of late that there is an issue I am struggling with. It is specifically related to incarnating in the physical. Apparently this is a common issue among Star-people (Starseeds).

Transmutation of Sexual Desire

As energy-beings (Spirit or whatever you want to call it), those of us newly experiencing life in an Earth body amid limited and overly rigid belief systems, typically struggle to adjust to life on this planet. Though I do not completely feel “new” to this (I have incarnated here previously without much success in overcoming these limitations), there is much memory returning to me in regards to adjustment.

Of the most difficulty for me in this life is understanding and overcoming the limitations of human sexual desire and reproduction. In a nutshell, it is very difficult for me to override intense sexual attraction and desire for the opposite sex. I am currently in the pattern of resisting such physical attractions by simply eliminating them altogether. I have done this out of recognition of how destructive such tendencies can be. Yet these intense feelings are resurfacing and I have been struggling with them once again.

In this case, the feelings are arising for people I have never met in the flesh yet have a strong spiritual connection to. I sense their energy, their spark or signature, and it is familiar to me in a very deep and attractive way. I am struggling because when I sense their energy my physical body responds in its natural way. It perceives the attraction and so responds in kind. Then I, in recognizing this is inappropriate, promptly switch it off.

Yet I am being encouraged to not turn it off but to transmute it and so allow it to fully express itself in me. I recognized this morning that I have been learning how to do this during the night which is why I get teased in my dreams via “sexual” advances and jokes by my friends (not funny!).

It was explained to me that my familiarity and thus reaction to these kindred spirits whom I have never met in person is what is initiating the energy which triggers my physical reaction. The key is to not mentally shut it off but allow it to run its course while effectively controlling the physical components.

I am not sure I know how to do that but mentally I have a block to doing this. I feel I am somehow being untrue to my husband even though I logically know this is not the case.

The desire, I am told, is one I am familiar with and when asked to focus on it, I realized that what I am feeling is indeed something else altogether than what I thought it was. My Companion called it love, but love unlike in the human sense, as humans typically associate love with sex (ie love=sex) because this is how reproduction is accomplished.

Thankfully I am not stressing over this new development (or not so new really). I just need to withdraw my conditioned human response. This is a totally new, wonderful experience I am not allowing myself to have because of something that does not apply!

What It’s Like

How does it feel? The first inklings of the feeling (this is all that I have allowed) are similar to how I have  felt when meeting someone I had a strong attraction to in the physical. However, the feeling hits me in the heart center and this wonderful warmth spreads out that makes me lose my breath and causes me to want to melt into the ground. It is scary in some ways as it makes me feel like I will lose control. This is usually when I promptly put an end to it. I am told this feeling, if allowed to expand, will bring a much more beautiful experience. I have felt this before in this physical body (yes but by accident) and so I know what it feels like. I will say it is indescribable but is along the lines of pure ecstasy.

I do want to experience it again but there is such fear connected to it. I hate that my physical experiences have created this barrier for me. No wonder my friends in spirit think its funny. Sigh.