Daily Archives: January 15, 2016

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Trust

After an exciting evening and early morning, I was finally able to fall asleep without crazy energy, visions and OBEs. I did still have some intense energy shooting through me which I soon found was easily calmed simply by focusing on my heart. I fell asleep centered in my heart.

Dream: Meteor Shower

I was in a parking lot at a college somewhere. It was very late at night and I had just finished reading a long email from someone who read my blog. The email was lengthy – at least four or five pages – and the man was from Germany and telling me his whole life story. I don’t remember his name now, but in the dream as I read the email I heard him speaking to me. He told me he was 44 years old, dark skinned and kept to himself and he was looking to work with others like himself living in one of four continents. I remember thinking he was a little too intense for me and laughing quietly to myself as I realized he was coming onto me.

At this point something caught my eye and I looked up and saw a massive meteor shower. Dozens of meteors streaked across the sky in a brilliant display of light. I was in awe. A young couple walked by and I pointed it out to them. They were a bit nervous as I was in the shadows and seemed to jump out at them. I just laughed and kept watching.

This was when a vivid image of a comet came into my mind. It was not part of the dream. It was just there and startled me awake.

Interpretation

When I awoke the comet vision was very much ingrained in my mind. On top of that, I was still feeling intense energy coursing through my body. This energy was similar to vibrations one feels when about to go OOB but more intense. I also had intense crown and third-eye activity along with some high heart and throat chakra buzzing.

I find the dream interesting because I feel I was actually talking to someone while in my dream. Could be he was an old friend or someone who astral projects or dream walks. Whoever he was, he was nice but a bit to the extreme. The energy was extremely intense and pushy but it was flattering.

Then I saw the meteor shower and the dream symbolism is that the dreamer is having romantic thoughts and/or idealistic notions. This just makes me laugh out loud, especially since I saw the brilliant comet right after. Comets indicate the dreamer needs to move on and free themselves from emotional and physical burdens. Touche!

Trust

It took me an entire day to write up as much as I could about my experiences last night and early this morning. There is more – so much more – but I am not sure telling it would help anyone or make much sense. Instead I will say that my Team came through with flying colors. Whatever they did for me during the night completely eradicated the “split” feeling I have been struggling with for the past five or six days. I have never been pushed to such an extreme in my life and really thought I was going to have to somehow just learn to live with what was happening to me. But when I woke this morning the split feeling was just….gone. I feel completely back to normal and freed from that inner hell. I had a marvelous day and have been feeling sublime. So wonderful!

In considering what exactly my Team did that shifted everything for me, I realized it had to do with Trust. That is it. So simple. I was in my heart space, but instead of just allowing the feelings and trusting their divine purpose, I ignored the knowingness and flat out went into fear. Somehow, through all my guided OOB lessons, I was shown how to trust the feelings and knowingness I found in my heart. So very, very important because in trusting the heart you trust that it will lead you exactly where you are suppose to be and that is the most freeing feeling ever.

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Hypnagogia and Guided Visions

After laying wide awake for some time, I finally pleaded to my guide for help. Amazingly, my mind slowed and I began to calm substantially within seconds of my request. I could not get comfortable on my side for some reason and so lay on my back and drifted into the in-between.

Hypnagogia and Guided Visions/Travel

I don’t know how long I was in-between before I began to notice what seemed like millions upon millions of tiny, green, opalescent bubbles in my vision. They were moving upward and made me think of being under water looking up at bubbles as they rose to the surface. I could feel my crown and third-eye wide open and felt subtle vibrations. Instantly alerted to being in the trance state, I did not react but waited calmly and observed. This is an usual reaction for me. Usually I get very excited and screw it all up!

As often happens when I become the observer, the bubbles dissipated and a white tunnel of light opened up in the center of my vision. I could feel my body buzzing and shifting and it occurred to me that I could exit my body, but I hesitated and chose not to. I felt I should just continue to observe.

In the tunnel I saw a plain white bedroom or studio apartment. If I focused too much on it, it would fade away, so I looked through it without focusing on any one thing. The tunnel expanded to fill my entire vision except for a sliver on either side. It was still circular and I watched as the picture inside began to move as if I were looking around with binoculars.

I watched the bedroom for a while, struggling to maintain my vision and perception. I managed pretty well because I was able to see the entire apartment. It was all draped in white and I wondered whose it was. I heard a response, “It’s yours”. The response did not surprise me. I am never alone in these kinds of experiences.

The Anunnaki

The visual of the apartment was then replaced by a spectacular view of outer space. In the center of my vision was a large, dull, metallic spacecraft. It was very tall and appeared to have multiple stories. I saw windows stacked one on top of the other. They were small and rectangular and circled the entire craft. The craft was round in the center with perhaps 8-10 circular levels that spun around at different rates. The entire body of the craft was shaped like a tall trapezoid, the bottom being longer and wider than the top.

After seeing the details of the spacecraft a woman appeared in front of my vision. She was very beautiful, with long hair that appeared white or golden in color. She had a band around her head at the temple that had an emblem on it that I cannot recall now. The band itself was golden in color and the emblem blue and green. She had human facial features but was definitely not all human. Her skin was grayer than ours and had a blue tinge to it. Her eyes were larger and slanted upward. The rest of her looked completely human. She was wearing a white jumpsuit of some kind with a blue belt and was holding a silver rod of some kind in her hand that was taller than her by about two feet.

She smiled at me and said “Anunnaki.” I could see her lips move so she was not just a picture. I then heard a light voice in my head that said, “We are headed your way.” This time her lips did not move.

Then the visual darkened substantially and I saw words fly across my vision. I heard the words as I read them, “Great Galactic War”.

That is when I saw  more spacecraft. There were more than I could count and they were moving. These were darker in color and had many long sections. They resembled a caterpillar. There were other ones that were faster that looked like rods. The biggest was so large I wondered what it could possibly be used for. I heard a male voice say something but I can’t recall it now other than hearing, “Dark”. My memory here is that they were also headed this way.

I did not react to any of these visions and so was questioned. “Do you not believe what we are telling you?” I said, “I don’t know. It’s so easy to assume it is just a dream or a movie in my head. It would be better if I had solid proof.” The response I got back was a feeling more than an audible answer. I don’t think they liked my answer. lol

Bathroom Horror 

The visions left and I was overcome with almost violent surges of energy. My whole body felt to be jumping and my heart began to pound in my chest. I knew this was a normal part of the deep trance state, so I just remained calm.

I began to hear noises that sounded to be right next to me. I ignored them. Unfortunately, my vision was still active and a new scene was opening up in front of me. I saw the inside of a bathroom, specifically the bathtub with a shower curtain pulled to the right. I could see a window above and the tiny white tiles of the surround. A woman was hiding behind the white shower curtain and I could see blood streaks on the curtain where her hand was holding it across her body. I heard her crying and saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry….” This continued and was very, very loud. I felt as if I were right next to her in the scene and I did not want to be. Hearing her made me tense up and want to curl up in the fetal position. I identified with her. I felt that I was her.

I had past life memories pile one on top of the other and mentally called out to my guides to make it go away. Initially it did not let up and the moans from the woman continued. I was able to finally wrench myself away from the scene and open my eyes but my body was overcome with vibrations to the point that my teeth were chattering. I said to my guides, “That’s enough. I didn’t like that”.

I had difficulty going back to sleep after that. I felt I should have stayed with the scene of the woman and let it run its course. Instead, I panicked and pulled myself away from the scene. It is obvious to me that it was meant to remind me of my past lives, many of which I was beaten, raped and abused as a woman. I should have remained objective, but I couldn’t. Seems I got a tiny peek at what the next layer of the onion holds for me. 😦

 

 

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You Have to Learn Sometime

When I woke from the extensive OBE/lucid dream experience, I was buzzing with energy and could not go to sleep. John was there to help me understand just exactly why he led me through such a strange experience.

Follow the Heart

I was reminded of when I would leave the OBE and return to the in-between and asked why this happened. I knew that it was because I tried to take sole control of the experience – to do things my way. I was only allowed to stay or return to the experience when I aligned myself with my heart. This part of the experience was lost to me until John began to talk with me about it. I had not even noticed the change in vibration that accompanied my instant pull from the OBE.

In the OBE I was very obviously not alone and had to share control with John. If I didn’t, if I shifted out of the heart, then I lost the experience. I love to be OOB and so it was like a slap on the wrist every time I would return to the in-between. The difference in vibration was very noticeable when I looked back on it. I felt out of alignment. The energy almost jagged, seeming to jump haphazardly. When in alignment the energy was smooth.

It was then that John asked me to consider how my energy felt in the physical when I was not in alignment with my heart. I had an “ah-ha” moment here because I saw it very clearly – felt it very clearly. When not in the heart the energy has the same jaggedness. I am also not allowed to continue smoothly on my path. I am slowed, delayed. It is the same except in the physical there is an emotional component that makes it more difficult. It is much, much harder in the physical.

Messages

This is what I wrote down at 1am this morning.

John: This is a journey you agreed to. Many contracts. (I see the contracts burning up. Pages of them. Piles of them). This journey is not for the faint of heart.

Me: It hurts.

John: That is evident. Ego wants to be in control; to be safe. Heart trusts, knows control is an illusion. It is all trust. Source. You are being pulled where you are suppose to go. The pull is stronger depending on necessity and contracts involved. If the pull is intensely strong then there is a lot at stake. More will come. You are Remembering.

Me: I don’t want more of this. I can’t take it!

John: You have to learn sometime.

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OBE: Theseus

As soon as I closed my eyes I went into the void and the next thing I knew I was completely lucid within a dream. My guide, John, was there with me. He was guiding me through the experience, like a teacher. I didn’t know at the time what he was teaching me.

I spent quite a bit of time getting my bearings. I looked around what appeared to be a very boring, empty room. Much of the beginnings of this experience are lost to me now, unfortunately. What I most remember about this part is that John was acclimating me to the scene and explaining that we were going to travel through it together. As such, I handed over control of the dream to him in many ways. I could make decisions but any decision made was in a shared one. It felt like he and I were one and the same, though. If ever I tried to take full control of the experience I would be thrust into the in-between, allowed to feel the vibrational dissonance and then asked to realign with my heart. When I did, I would immediately return to the scene.

I asked to be let out of the boring room I was in. He said I had to do something first. I knew instantly what it was and saw that the room shifted into almost an exact duplicate of my older sister’s room when we were kids. I knew, though, that I was to handle my youngest sister. With that, I began to go around to each toy and destroy it, the entire time yelling at my sister in anger. I did not feel the anger, though, I just knew it was there. I yelled, “You want to play with my toys? Well, you can have them all!” LOL I specifically recall crushing the Barbie Dream house we use to have. In hindsight I suspect this part of the dream was letting go of the “dream” associated with the Barbie house.

With that, I was able to leave the room and entered into a stairway of a very large house. I was directed to go down the stairs five levels. I knew that going down was equal to advancing up – it was backwards.

As I floated along the stairs I counted 1-2-3-4 as I reached each floor. Up until the fourth floor I was not interested in what was going on. I recall stopping to talk to a child on the fourth floor briefly and being given a long link of sausage she did not want to eat. I then moved up to the 5th floor.

The 5th floor was very busy and full of people. I wandered into a back room which was very obviously a kitchen of a busy restaurant. I tired to give the sausage to the cook but she told me to take it with them as they delivered food to a man. I followed her with the link in hand and placed it on a silver tray. I then took it to the man who was chained up and badly beaten. He appeared to be their prisoner. He had dark hair and was familiar to me. He looked like the actor on Continuum who played Theseus!

I turned to leave and then turned back to him. I said, “Are you awake?” He replied, “Yeah”. I said, “No, are you really awake?” He said, “I don’t know. What do you mean?” I said, “I know you. Your name is John.” He said, “How do you know that?” I was very ecstatic at this point for some reason and said, “I know you. You will remember this when you wake up and tell me about it.” I turned to leave.

As I was heading back to the stairs I ran into two women. One was dressed in pioneer clothing and the other in modern clothing. I hugged them both to me and said, “I don’t want to leave.” I felt emotional.

This was when John began talking to me and I was pulled into the in-between. He asked, “Do you want to wake up now? You have been asleep almost 2 hours”. I saw a visual of a hand written account of my journeys and knew if I did not wake up I would forget. I needed to remember. I said, “I probably should”.

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Turning Point

Last night was one of the most powerful nights I have had in a long time. So much happened that I will have to break it up into at least three posts, maybe more.

Here is a quick overview of what occurred:

  1. Discussion with one of my assistants about what has been happening with me and why.
  2. 9:30-10:30m – Semi-lucid dream/OBE.
  3. 10:30-10:45pm – awake briefly
  4. 10:45-12:30am – Fully lucid, guided dream that turned OBE several times.
  5. 12:30-1:30am – Awake and discussing what was going on and why. Multiple messages. I got up and wrote it all down.
  6. 1:30-3:00am – Couldn’t sleep. Too much energy.
  7. 3:00-3:45am – Amazing hypnagogic imagery turned guided “travel” while I was still in my body.
  8. 4:00-5:30am – Finally slept but had intensely vivid dreams related to the night’s events.

Discussion

Though my day had gone well, I was still struggling with the split feeling I have had for several weeks now. I had been asking for help – to understand and handle this feeling – for some time. For some reason last night wast he night the explanation was given. Perhaps I was finally receptive?

One of my assistants predominated the conversation that began around 8:30pm. He explained that what was happening to me was purposeful and that they (my Team) had been preparing me for some time (over a year). He reminded me that I knew this (I did) but did not consciously want to accept it. He asked me to focus on my heart, which is getting easier and easier to do. When I did there was an overwhelming knowingness of what was happening and why. It was always there, of course, but my mind has been in overdrive, my Ego not willing to accept what was happening.

According to my guide, I am currently in the process of “connecting to Source”. This involves the shedding of multiple layers of what I will call “the old me”. I again saw the onion as an analogy. Each layer that comes off reveals more old stuff to be healed, transmuted, and integrated. It is painful (obviously!). He said about the process, “Acknowledge it. Trust it. Allow it to help you transition.” What I feel in my heart is the accumulation of lifetimes, and beyond that is divine connection to Source. The closer I get to the center (Source) the stronger the pull is from it. The heart is the ultimate compass. We are meant to live through the heart, following it, trusting it. We have lived through the mind for so long that we have forgotten what it feels like to follow the heart.

He said many times, “You are at a turning point”.

He instructed me many times to return to my heart center, which I did. Each time the obviousness of what my heart was telling me to do was overwhelming but I did not run from it. It is kind of funny to think anyone could run from their own heart anyway. lol

I asked to get to travel OOB and was told it was now possible because I was “stable”.

OBE: David Bowie

I very quickly realized I was OOB but I was not in full control. It was like my lucidity was purposefully muted. I didn’t care, though, because it has been so long since I have been OOB.

I spent most of this OBE moving into and settling into two different bodies. The first was my exact duplicate or counterpart, not the physical body I reside in while on Earth. I don’t know which aspect but it felt fairly solid. I felt the energy shift as I entered and assumed this body. It was like I put on clothing. I don’t recall anything specific about the energy other than recognizing it was very obviously feminine.

Then I entered a fairly dream-like state where my lucidity was much limited. I was with my guide and knew his name was John and that he was teaching me something about myself.

The next thing I remember is moving into yet another “body”. Again it felt fairly solid but this time it was most definitely male. I had less issue shifting into this body and then, while setting in, I saw very clearly a man just in front of me. When I saw him I instantly recognized him as David Bowie! He didn’t do anything but stare into the distance, so it was likely just a symbol I was being shown. But he was very vivid!

After seeing him I realized something about myself had changed. I had a bit of amnesia as to my gender. I had no clue what gender I was and I didn’t care. I felt whole and it was wonderful!

I felt my conscious mind take over, as if allowed control, and came suddenly into my body. I was confused and elated and a bit shocked about the whole experience. My mind was going a million miles an hour with questions. My body was extremely hot and there was an intense amount of energy coursing through me. I felt like a firecracker!

I was instructed to shut down my mind, and I did so quite quickly. I looked at the clock and saw that I had been asleep only an hour. Once I closed my eyes I entered the void immediately.

In considering this OBE I believe I was shifting into different energy bodies. I don’t which ones for sure, though. Whichever energy body I shifted into was one that did not identify with gender.