Monthly Archives: February 2016

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The Ever-Evolving Tapestry of Experience

I should probably post this in my other blog but I didn’t want to neglect everyone who follows this one. I encourage you to follow my other blog if you have not already because my focus is being pulled toward the new one completely. As those of you know who have reached this same point in your journey, resistance is futile. lol

I wanted to share with you a bit of the knowledge that I received in the night.

I was awakened at 9:30pm. I could not remember any of my dreams and I felt I had slept all of the night but it had only been about an hour, maybe less. How strange to feel so much time had passed!

Slightly disoriented, one of my guides seemed almost to “push” upon my energy. It was a nudge of sorts and focused on my third-eye and crown. When he did this I had instant recollection of something quite awe inspiring.

I saw very clearly what I knew to be the Tapestry of Experience. Yet, it looked nothing like any tapestry I have ever seen! It was made of energy. The energy wove together and moved, ever-changing. It was alive and pulsating and strands of it dangled here and there. These “dangling” threads were quickly “sewn” in with the rest and I knew this was a job not taken lightly. I also knew this had once been my job. I “tied up” those loose ends and reintegrated them into this energy fabric.

These loose ends, pieces that dangled haphazardly from the Tapestry were reintegrated by being reborn. Each thread, each piece of living energy/light was a lifetime of experience.

The Tapestry was magnificently long. It stretched beyond my line of sight and it constantly moved, swaying as if it were blowing in the cosmic wind.

As I absorbed this memory, I recalled moving farther away from this Tapestry and viewing it from a distance. I saw then that it was not a tapestry at all. It was the very building blocks of life! I saw strands of DNA. A double helix, twisting and turning, the rungs of its ladders shimmering and sparkling as if covered with diamonds.

In awe, I did not know why I was being shown this glorious memory of something far greater than I; something that is beyond my ability to comprehend. Yet, at a deeper level, I understood it completely. It made total sense to me.

Every decision we make, every lifetime we live, every connection we make – it is all recorded in this Tapestry and it is all US. As we Experience, we Evolve. Interconnected in the very fabric of the universe.

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The Galactic StarBEing Awakening in a Human Body

Excerpts from an article written by Lisa Transcendence Brown. Full article here.

I found this article back in January. It kept coming up in my FB feed and was also posted in the Walk-in group. It came up again yesterday, so I re-read it.

This article is the best explanation I have found for the process I am going through. This is why I am being told by my Team that I am experiencing a walk-in and am finally AWAKE. I am reintegrating a part of myself, my Light, that broke off a very long time ago.

We are becoming WHOLE again.

A StarBEing holds codes and sequences beyond the human understanding and the physical body is a storage container, if you will. When a StarBeing is “forced” into living as a human by unconscious humans, their expanded consciousness is suppressed and “shut down”. This shutting down is what we call “going to sleep” or “the slumber”, also known as amnesia between the realms and veils. It stagnates the StarBEing and forces their DNA to distort itself and to separate off in order to survive here. This creates discord within the physical body vessel, physical pain, emotional pain and suppression that ultimately must be REVERSED back to purity and love again. The magnitude that one experiences this “force” through not understanding will determine the amount of distortions created, suffering and reversal necessary to re-program back to light again. Where an individual does not understand, they will do this to their self. This is why it’s so important to re-educate all according to the higher frequency realms of NEW Earth NOW…….

…..When one awakens, the body has been asleep. Some are walk-ins, some incarnated at birth and now we have “walk-throughs” and “pass-throughs” and many others coming through. Only the human needs to put this in a box to understand it. It doesn’t really matter, other than how one chooses to DO from this moment NOW…….

…..All are here to merge and unify to release the SEPARATION CONSCIOUSNESS that kept one unconscious and asleep. As these long awaited gamma rays continue to increase the bombardment of galactic light, intensity and distortions shall be magnified to make visible any old density programming and illusions still held within. The old matrix gridwork gone that kept all held together before, bizarre and extreme is the new way for one still holding onto the need/desire to remain unconscious.

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Riding the Dragon

The Kundalini acceleration continues. I am definitely “riding the Dragon”.

I was awakened at 3am from a dream in which I was joining a new group. Prior to this I had visited a team I was overlooking and ran into a gentleman who was overly enamored of me. I was warned that my Light is amplified at this time and to expect more such encounters both in dreams/the astral and in the physical.

I was called to a meeting. I was late so it was embarrassing to be called in at the last minute. There was a special guest in front of the group. I felt out of place. Everyone was so much older than me it seemed. I was worried he would ask me to introduce myself. Thankfully he didn’t. Instead he began to read us all a story. All I recall of it now was that it was titled, “La Luna” and was about an ancient healing modality yet to be utilized on Earth. The healing was performed in conjunction with the phases of the moon.

I was awakened at this time and there was with me a young man who was very excited to meet me. He was not a guide but a member of the new group I had joined. His accent was odd and I could not place it. His energy was sky high and he was completely joyous. His name was Gerard and he told me he was from New Caledonia. I recognized the name but could not place it. He told me it was near Indonesia and French, which is why his accent was so strange. I looked it up this morning and sure enough this information is valid. So if you are Gerard – nice to meet you and I look forward to working with you.

Gerard had much to say. Thankfully, I now keep a notebook and pen beside my bed for times such as these. Here is what he told me:

Your Divine Fire has been lit. It will burn for the next 12-16 months. You are riding the Dragon. You are not doing this alone. Your counterpart is as well. There has been a Divine Union. You have a group of four; an inner circle. Like 2 split atoms; 2 became 4. 4 is a number you are familiar with. It repeats in your life. Your flame will burn uncontrollably until it reaches the 12th house (12th chakra? this is image I saw – chakras way up high over my head). This is complete embodiment. Whole. This process follows the cycles of the moon. La Luna. The magik of La Luna. Your fire will attract others. Be aware of your own energy. You are Brilliant and will be from now on. You are Awake. 

As he was talking to me there was a strange sensation in my root chakra. It felt like a hollow, glass tube was there. I could feel its expansiveness but the energy was normal.

I was able to return to sleep. I guess I am just too exhausted now after several days of interrupted sleep.

Root Chakra Explosion 

I found myself in a dream in which I was riding in a large SUV with family. We had been driving all night and stopped. That was when I saw the airbag had deployed but on the outside of the vehicle. It covered the entire hood.

As members of my group got out to deflate it, I saw a very tall individual wearing a blue jumpsuit. I identified the person as “she” and ran up to her calling her “sister”. She was strange looking – her face so dark I could not make out features. I remember her inviting me to join with her. I told her, “Not in this life, sister. Maybe in the next one.” I was so enthused at seeing her, though, that I gave her a hug. She was so tall that I had to jump into her arms to hug her. She had to be at least 8-9ft tall. She embraced me and kissed me. I held on to her and then realized she had initiated a kind of activation in my root chakra. Energy began to explode down toward my feet. It was a spectacular feeling and so intense that it woke me up. It continued for about 10 minutes afterward. The energy was so intense that it expanded down past my knees in a bubble. I could see it even – it was cherry red but not a solid color. It was more opalescent.

I have had root chakra activity in the past but nothing like this. It was pure ecstasy but also very sexual. I had no control over my body. It is embarrassing but at the same time I don’t really care. It was a spectacular experience.

After the energy abated my entire lower body up to my naval felt similar to how it felt after I had my babies. It is similar to intense menstrual cramping or back labor. I had a flash then of what had really happened. There had been some kind of spiritual surgery done and an intentional activation of the root chakra. It was explained that it was in preparation for the next step in the process coming on Tuesday.

I suspect that the tall, androgynous looking person wearing a blue jumper was likely an ET and one I am familiar with and not afraid of. This is likely why I could not see “her” face as well.

Implants

I was able to once again fall asleep (thank you!) but my sleep kept getting interrupted. I don’t know why They have to keep waking me up! I just wanted to sleep!

Anyway, I awoke this time around from a sign that was placed in front of my vision. I saw the message upon it written in cursive. It said, “Implants Placed.” Then below that was my real, legal name.

Of course this woke me with a start. This has not been the first time I have had a message about implants. I am not sure what they mean, but since my “other” name was used, I suspect these implants are being removed. Good.

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New Blog

I am in the process of creating my new blog. It is time. There is no doubt.

I wrote the About page just now. My heart center blazed the entire time and my crown, third-eye and throat chakras felt odd. I had the familiar sensation of energy coming into my crown that I had in May, 2015. This is beyond spectacular but at the same time very scary on many levels.

I invite you to to follow the unfolding of this new journey. I don’t know what exactly to expect other than what was revealed to me today.

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In Crisis

I just wanted you all to know where I’m at as it likely will keep me away from blogging for a little bit.

Whatever has happened to me has me completely out of whack. I am going to share some of what I wrote down at midnight last night when I couldn’t sleep because using my mind right now shifts me into a place I cannot function from.

11:54pm 2/19/2016

I can’t sleep. I am conscious of a feeling. It is causing me to want to run away from everything; to just up and go. But I don’t know where to. I feel frantic. What am I suppose to do? How do I escape this feeling? I am told to listen; to look at what is in my heart, but what I find confuses me. It says, “LIVE, be LOVE, embrace LOVE. You are ALIVE. BE ALIVE.” But what does that mean? I have no idea how to LIVE. Yeah. Pathetic. My heart is telling me to break away – to not be afraid of myself, of what I am feeling. I can’t think with this!

My heart just resonates with this connection, this Divine feeling of utter completeness. It is so full and deep and beautiful. But when I look at my life it is none of these things! My life, this life I am living, feels unnatural to me. I don’t feel like I belong in it. WTF?  I feel on the brink of something big but I just can’t get myself to take that step forward. If feels so familiar. Even now I am just avoiding, circling the unavoidable. It is so terrifying to even look. This is where I contact the intense desire to RUN. But there is nowhere to run to. The only true escape (if any) is death. Not an option.

All I know and feel right now, all.the.time, is that which I contacted in my dream. This shifted my very core. There is no going back. There is only FORWARD.

This is only a small piece of what I wrote down. I had to get it out somehow because it was keeping me from sleeping and I was (still am) so very exhausted.

My entire guidance/Team is different; my focal point obliterated.

 

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Relentless Kundalini

Yesterday was quite a doozy, wasn’t it? I am still recovering.

I spent most of the day handling some intense physical and emotional responses to the Kundalini energy that was triggered by the Unity experience I wrote about. At least I am assuming it was Kundalini energy.

My heart chakra was extremely open all day and I was exploding with energy. It was like I was a fireworks display. I only wish I could have seen what I looked like. I am sure it was spectacular. The energy was moving through me with such ferocity that at times my poor body was struggling. I could feel my lower chakras clearing. This clearing resulted in some crazy physical symptoms. I thought at one point I was getting the stomach flu again. I also felt surges of ecstasy that would disable me completely. I mean I could not think, I could not move, I could not function at all except to just allow it. I have never experienced such intense desire. It knocked me down more than once during the day. Thankfully I was not around a man – any man. LOL

Then there was the total loss of appetite. I had to force-feed myself food because knew if I didn’t eat I would just be more out of it. Thirst was also a problem. Constantly thirsty. I was also extremely dizzy. When I stood up I would almost black out. This was likely caused by low blood sugar from not eating enough, but since it happened even after I ate, I suspect the Kundalini was also the culprit.

There was also an emotion akin to excitement and nervousness that never really went away. This was the primary feeling coming through my heart space (except when the desire kicked in). This nervous anticipation feeling is likely why I couldn’t eat. It reminded me of how I use to feel when I started a new relationship with someone I was really, really into. It was that “first date” feeling. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I pace about and my mind is continually thinking about this person.

Since I had not slept much, I was exhausted all day, too. I began to really feel tired around 6pm but since I care for all three of my kids in the evenings (husband is gone all day and into the night) I could not stop to rest. And they were just as wired up as me. I suspect I did that to them because they were very reactive to my mood. My middle son was the worst. He was like a walking contradiction on top of being in constant mania mode. My youngest was so wired that when I tried to get him to sleep he kept jumping and babbling for an hour past his bedtime.

So, yeah, I was really tired by the time I went to bed.

Then I couldn’t sleep! 😦

There was just too much energy coursing through me. I swear I short circuited my phone more than once and my computer was like an amplifier to my energy at times. So by the time I tried to sleep my entire body was buzzing like I was about to go OOB and my mind was racing. I couldn’t shut it down and it just added to my exhaustion.

I somehow fell asleep around 1am. Unfortunately, I woke up at 5am to my body doing things it isn’t suppose to do without my permission (not going to get anymore personal than that, sorry!). LOL

I had dreams but the memory behind the dreams is what is significant. I recall laying on a table and being “worked” on. There were tall, yellow, cylinders placed on my mid-section. I think there were four or five. I knew that the energy was being rerouted by these cylinders. Unfortunately (or fortunately) they must have rerouted the energy to my root chakra, thus waking me up.

I was told upon waking that this was not the end of the crazy, intense energy. This is how I will become “clear” as They have told me. I guess if you get enough energy coursing through you it will just blast away the blockages. I am really grateful for the preparation work that was done now.

 

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A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II

I am participating in Barbara Franken’s February challenge and sharing my personal awakening experience in A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II. 🙂

When I consider my own spiritual awakening, I am at first overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I have set for myself when participating in this challenge. If I start in a linear fashion, from the very beginning of my awakening in 2003, the length of this post would be unbearably long. However, if I look at the various paths I took and the lessons I learned along the way, the task is much easier to swallow.

Constantly Questioning

From the minute I could form my first thought, there was a question. I haven’t stopped asking questions since.

As a child one of the first things I recall doing when I had the ability to, was to go back to my very first memory and remember all I could. Before that first memory, there was nothing. Just blackness. This intrigued me because I could feel something was being blocked from my view. Why was this? Why am I here? What happened before I got here? Where was I before I got here? Who am I?

Sometimes asking these questions sent me down unbearably dark paths for when I asked, “Why am I here?” I often asked my someone external to myself like my mother or my sister. Other times it brought me into great moments of joy and awe for sometimes I was presented with a question in return – What do you think? – and when that happened so did some pretty wonderful realizations.

Meeting Myself

Ultimately, like all those who go searching the deepest, darkest places, I was ran face first into the many facets of myself. I opened a Pandora’s Box and there was no going back. I had to confront myself; everything “good” and everything “dark” had to be inspected. I did this with the help of my Companion, Steven, who is my counterpart in Spirit. He is the part of me who Remembers, as he likes to say. And his role is to share some of that memory with me, in little bits and pieces. But I have to ask the right questions. It is all in asking the right questions.

Eventually, all this questioning, led me to my spiritual gifts. This happened seemingly all at once but really it took about a month for them all to manifest. Suddenly, I was a medium, a healer, a medical intuitive, a channel, and a psychic all at once. This threw me into a tailspin. I quit my job, changed my name, and went on a journey which ultimately led to the beginning of my Dark Night of the Soul. It was an eye-opening journey and one that taught me how to love myself when in the past I could barely look at my own reflection.

During my Dark Night my spiritual progression intensified exponentially. I had spontaneous past life memories that I would re-experience as if they were happening in the present. These would be presented to me for inspection and clearing. My Companion or one of my Assistants would take me through the life, asking me questions similar to how a hypnotherapist does when they walk their client through a past life. Each question would open up more of the life and the accompanying emotions. This was an excruciating process as you can imagine. Many lives had to be visited more than once in order to be cleared. Some are still in the process of clearing.

To date, I have Remembered 30+ Earth lives. The time frame extends from before 10,000BC to the present. Many of them are recorded in my blog sequentially, but I have not yet included them all. I have also recalled lives from other planets/dimensions.

Self-Exploration

In addition to revisiting my past lives during my Dark Night, I also experienced my first spontaneous OBE. This opened up a path of exploration that I never knew existed. What was most amazing is that OBEs finally allowed me to be face-to-face with my Team of guides and, most importantly, with my Companion. Talk about exciting! Suddenly I was visiting other dimensions, other planets, other realms, and my Companion was always there with me. Sometimes I would see him, touch him, hear him. Other times I would just feel him next to me, guiding me and showing me what I needed to see. Through OBEs I was able to tap into yet another unknown part of myself – the timeless, multidimensional, manifesting, and powerful I AM.

Kundalini

Right from the get-go I had Kundalini activity. I didn’t know what it was at first, so it was quite scary. As I got use to it, however, she became like an old friend. She started from the top down at first and all I can say is, “Wow!” Nothing compares to a top-down Kundalini activation. Instant awareness and connection to Source/All That Is. Intense clearing, spontaneous past life recollections, spirit guide communication, and every kind of healing you can imagine.

Then she went dormant for over 7 years accompanied by a seemingly complete loss of my spiritual gifts, a significant reduction in OBEs, and extremely limited communication with my Team of guides. She returned with a vengeance in 2014, this time on a wild ride from root to crown. The sensations this time around are even more intense and the experiences more profound than the first and I don’t think she will be letting up anytime soon.

Contact

The most recent path I have been led down has been the most difficult for me. Contact was made with me by other worldly Beings – Beings from other dimensions, other planets, other times. The first visits were while I was OOB and fully aware. They showed themselves as my own reflection in the mirror or would stand in the shadows. Other times they would wake me in the morning for “briefings” and I would have intense channeling sessions where my crown would seem to just open up and information (light) would pour into me. Oftentimes this would come in the form of codes, or light language. These experiences were also accompanied by memories of the “work” I do as part of the Galactic Federation of Light Ground Crew as a grid-worker and energy worker/healer.

Service

Finally, I am Remembering more and more of my path/purpose here. I am just now beginning to see it fully forming ahead of me; though, unbeknownst to me, I have been traveling it from the beginning. It is the path of service- the reason I am here. To help. To be of assistance. To prepare the path for those to come. I am not completely sure what this will look like but I am more than ready to get started.

So this is my story of awakening thus far and in a nut shell. It is ever-changing and I know it will not be the same today as tomorrow or the next day. My Team knows I get bored easily and need to be kept on my toes and they do their job extremely well! I am never disappointed. 🙂

Next up in the challenge is Mick.

 

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Time to Elaborate a Bit

I am still processing everything that happened this morning but I wanted to share with you more of the details. I also need to write this down as I am still experiencing the effects of it. My heart chakra has been blasting away all day. The main energy is an anticipation or nervousness. At least it is not pure out panic. My third eye is also blazing away. I still feel like I am radiating energy – projecting it almost.

This morning when I awoke overwhelmed by what had just happened, I had not fully awakened despite sitting up in bed and crying. I kept going into the in-between. While there I heard a quiet voice telling me I was beautiful and the heart energy would fire up and I would get too aware again. I also had visions of seeing myself in a coffin. I saw several coffin visions, actually. This is also when I heard the voice tell me, “You’re ALIVE.” It was said in such a way as to interrupt my freaking out. There was emphasis on the word “alive”. It was said, “Ah-live”. lol At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I was too caught up in my mind, but now I realize a part of me was just born.

My mind was in overdrive. I couldn’t control it and I wanted to get up and write an email but I kept hesitating. I am glad I didn’t now as the energy of the computer would have likely thrown me off even more. But the desire to write was very strong. I knew so much all at once. It was like an inflow of huge amounts of information – information about my past, present and future. I don’t recall it all now, but it was part of the reason I was freaking out. I went down stairs and paced and paced for I don’t know how long. Too much energy. Too many thoughts.

I knew I had caused this to happen. I asked for it to happen a couple of nights ago. I actually asked for an OBE but was denied it. I had thought my requests had fallen on deaf ears. I guess not. Really happy about that now.

So this is what I experienced in that Union.

Intense love beyond anything I have ever experienced. It ignited every single chakra and I felt all the emotions connected to those chakras. It was like I lit up like a flare and sparks of energy went flying out my crown and my root at the same time. My mid-section was the most intense with a very, very pleasant yet explosive energy. Not sexual at all, believe-it-or-not. It was more like complete opening of Self. Raw, vulnerable and eager all at the same time.

In the few moments that I was caught up in this bliss I felt connected to everyone, everything; to Source. It was not just a connection to my “partner” but to everything and everyone that ever existed. It was like merging with him opened my eyes to something I had long forgotten existed. In that I realized I AM love. I AM all of it. I do not lack for anything.

When I awoke and the energy was still running through me, my vision was filled with flashes of the faces of people I had known in this life. Mom, Dad, sisters, brother, in-laws, husbands, children, friends, acquaintances, bosses….the list goes on. With each flash of a face I knew I loved them. All of them. Without a doubt. All I had was love for them. And I felt a connection to them as well. They are me.

The fear reaction I had to all of this was Ego. When I was able to get out of my mind and stay in my heart, there was only calm and a perfect happiness. There is a fullness and confidence in my heart that wasn’t there before; a knowing that everything is working out as it should.

I won’t deny that I am asking for it to happen again. Maybe this time I won’t wake up and cut it short. But then, the intensity of the experience is such that I don’t know what would have happened had I stayed. I am thanking my Team wholeheartedly this morning. They never fail to produce.

Oh and there was a song in my head as well. I almost forgot about it. Coldplay’s The Scientist (again). The only parts I kept hearing were:

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, Oh let’s go back to the start.

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.

 

 

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Happy Birthday to Me

First off – I am OK. Better than OK. Flying high. Soaring. ALIVE. Whew!

I wasn’t this morning when I wrote my last post. I was overwhelmed. Completely. In a good way, though. I promise. Nothing bad about what happened. It was/is extraordinary. Oh and in no way is it over. Ha! It is just beginning.

The first thing I did after writing my last post was get into a bathtub to which I added Epsom salt and Lavender oil. This was at 8:30am! I don’t think I’ve ever taken a bath so early! I cranked up my ITunes – Laureena Mckennitt. For some reason her voice calms me instantly. So very angelic. And this time I felt almost like I turned into my bath water. Wonderfully calming and an instant shut-down of my mind.

As with all my baths, my children eventually found me and jumped in. Thankfully by that time I was substantially calmer.

I could not go near my computer. Again. It made my energy all bouncy. I feel like I am transmitting huge amounts of energy. Like it is pouring out of me in buckets. The computer or internet or something hits that energy all wonky and I feel even more wired.

So I went to the store. Yep. Crazy high energy and all.

On the way there a CD was playing, one I’d never heard before. When I got the CD changer replaced they gave me 5 CDs the previous owner had left inside. One was Lenny Kravitz and that was what was playing when I turned on the car.

The first song I heard was “I’m a Believer”. I didn’t pay much attention to it but my mood was way high by this time. I felt completely out of my body, in a good way. My son requested I play the song again. And again. He was a grump about it to. Both my boys are driving me nutty with their mania today. I’m right there with them laughing it off, though.

So here is “I’m a Believer” if you haven’t heard the song:

After hearing this song two times in a row, I caught the lyrics and burst out laughing.

I got to let it, got to let it, got to let it go
I got to live by faith, relax, sit back, enjoy the show
The only element that’s standing in the way is me
So now’s the time to lay it at your feet
And let it be, let it be, let it be

While listening to the song a third time I was remembering what I was told this morning after I cried and was in overwhelm mode. I kept hearing, “You’re ALIVE. Your ALIVE.” I didn’t think much of it at the time.Yeah, I’m alive. Duh. Right? lol

I remember hearing, “It is done”, too. What is done? No clue.

So I wondered if maybe these messages had something to do with the soul exchange. Was it possible that the messages were to indicate that a new me had walked in this morning? Nah. No way.

Then the next song on the CD starts to play. I got quite a laugh out of it.

This morning is a special morning
We gonna party all day long
We’re gonna celebrate the day that you were born
And we will start right with this song

Happy, happy, happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy, happy, happy birthday
Happy birthday to you

There is nothing I can even add to that. The song says it all. Happy Birthday to me.

 

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Why is This Happening to Me??

I’ve been up since 3:30am so excuse me in advance for any discombobulated thoughts or wording.

The night was normal energy-wise, but I had received a message that my progress would be accelerated. No big deal. I had heard that before and so knew (kinda) what to expect.

Lucid Dream: Someone’s Been Cleaning Up

After a night of dreamless sleep, I suddenly became aware of my dream, semi-lucid. I was with someone and we were discussing my life, though what specifically is lost to me now. What I do remember is flying along a road I use to drive every day to school when I was in high school. I have everything about that road memorized I drove it so frequently. However, as we flew I noticed the road looked like someone had scraped the top of the asphalt off. Also, on the right in a field I knew well (I use to fish at the pond there) I saw enormous trash bags piled one on top of the other. These trash bags were the size of buildings! I remember saying, “Looks like someone’s been cleaning up”.

Lucid Dream: Meeting My Teacher

Then the scene shifted and I was very much more aware. I was going to school and had missed some classes so had to talk to my teacher. I remember meeting him, an average-looking man with black hair and somewhat darker skin than mine. He was older than me, probably late 40s – early 50s.

As we walked together toward the classroom, we walked on top of set dinner tables, which was odd. I remember our discussion was about him and his travels. He was telling me about India and the food. We specifically talked about Curcurma and I saw this roundish, cantaloupe looking fruit but I knew it was not cantaloupe. It was orange like the inside of the cantaloupe, though.

The class initially felt like P.E. class but then he explained I would miss the current assignment which was a lab of some sort with vials and glass tubes. I remember seeing the image in my head, like he put it there as a thought form.

He kept looking at me very strangely and I noticed this but ignored it because I am use to being stared at by men. Yet at the same time I liked him. He was very nice.

We began to talk more about me and I ended up having an in-depth conversation with him about my life – my education, my family, how I felt, etc. As we talked he would pace around in front of me and I was laying on a bed on my stomach with my head resting on my hands very relaxed. He told me about his current issues, but all I remember now is he complained about his lower back hurting him. He seemed really tired – tired of life and tired in general. I felt similarly and understood.

While we talked I began to feel a strange familiarity about this man and began to like him more and more. When he would walk closer to me (he paced a lot) I would feel this strong connection but it was bearable and he seemed to notice it, too, and would back off. I remember telling him about starting a family and my three children. He said to me in reply, “So you had three children in seven-and-a-half years?” I said, “Yeah” and then I realized how crazy it sounded and smiled. I also remember telling him that I got my Master’s degree but didn’t want to use it. He just listened and I felt he genuinely wanted to know about me. It was nice to be heard.

Then he was suddenly right next to me on the bed on my right. He took my right arm and wrapped it around his waist. Only then did I realize he had no shirt on because I could feel his bare skin. He said to me, “Put your arms around me and love me until the day you die”. When he said this (even now it is affecting me) I was overwhelmed by the most magnificent feeling in my heart center and I wrapped my arms around him as if I would never let him go. The love coming into my heart – the pure connectedness, the sensuousness, the electricity, the wholeness – surged into my heart and expanded outward. It felt like a huge bubble. Then it expanded down into my lower chakras. At the same time it expanded upward into my upper chakras.

It was pure, magnificent bliss beyond anything I have yet to experience. I felt like I was dying and being born at the same time.

Why is This Happening to Me??

Unfortunately, the intensity of the encounter woke me up and I immediately sat up and began to cry. The tears were slow and just came out of my eyes like a faucet. I both wanted to go back to him and to run away at the same time. It made no sense. It makes no sense.

I spent the majority of the morning in confusion. This encounter has me turned in all directions, not knowing what to do. I had to get up and smoke a cigarette. Yeah. It was that intense an experience and my mind was all over the place as was my heart. It was like my entire being was screaming at me, “Make a change!” WTF!?

I kept asking (still am asking), “Why is this happening to me??!” There are so many emotions and thoughts raging even now. I don’t understand. I can’t even fathom the enormity of this. It is beyond my ability to comprehend. How can I feel/BE/share such LOVE?? And what is even more crazy is that I know that love is ME! It makes me want to cuss every cuss word I know (and I have/am) and I don’t even fully comprehend why this is. Why does something so beautiful, so perfectly right, terrify me so much?