Monthly Archives: March 2016

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Eliminate All Toxins

It is evident that this theme of the current cycle is to eliminate all toxins.

Toxins come in all shapes and forms. There is, of course, those toxins which exist within the physical body. These are perhaps the easiest to purge via a total body cleanse or special diet. We can then control (for the most part) that which we introduce into the body.

But there also exist toxic thoughts, feelings and beliefs. These toxins are not so easy to eliminate because we must first detect them in order to eliminate them.

Let’s first address toxic thoughts. Toxic thoughts here are defined as any thought which disrupts the flow of energy in the emotional and physical bodies. An example of a toxic thought would be a thought which limits or inhibits one’s natural tendency toward a particular feeling, intention or action. For example, if you suddenly feel the urge to touch a tree located across the street and think, “I can’t do that because _________”, then you have just thought a toxic thought. This is a mild example, but it gets the point across.

Another type of toxic thought would be cyclic, reactive thoughts which form the foundations of our beliefs. These thoughts often go undetected because they have become habitual. We have been thinking them so long, we believe them to be true and they have morphed into a belief. Some examples of these kinds of toxic thoughts would be, “I am stupid”, “No one loves me”, “No one listens to me,” and the list goes on.

Finally, there are toxic feelings. These feelings are feelings we think we should feel. They are fake feelings; feelings we have created. They are not our natural state. They exist because someone or some thing (experience) put them there. A prime example would be media and its effects upon us, specifically in the areas of sexuality and gender.

If you have not yet noticed the pattern here, all three – thoughts, feelings and beliefs – are intricately connected. One does not exist without the presence of the other. One, in fact, triggers the other.

So how does one eliminate these toxins?

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to that question. One can’t eat a certain diet or fast and achieve lasting, permanent results when it comes to these kinds of toxins. One must literally start from the inside and work their way out. We must become observers of our thoughts and feelings and then, like a detective, follow those thoughts and feelings to the beliefs they are connected to.

It sounds easy, but the circuits and booby traps of the mind make this process almost impossible. The very toxic thoughts we are trying to eliminate keep us from finding them. “I am stupid” for example, or “I can’t do anything right”. Sound familiar?

I can’t say I have achieved any lasting results when it comes to eliminating these kinds of toxins, but I am learning and becoming more and more aware of them. My dreams have been revealing them to me in little chunks over the last few days. When a thought or feeling arises, I am now more cognizant of them. This eliminates them for the time being. The beliefs are much more tricky. There are so many, and so many variations on the same theme, that it seems an impossible task.

From my experience and guidance I have learned that the best way to cleanse ourselves of toxic thoughts, feelings and beliefs is to remain in the present moment as best we can. The next best thing is to be aware of signs and symbols present in both our waking hours and sleep. Our guidance is always presenting us with the answers and solutions. We just need to listen and be willing to take action when needed.

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A Dream and a Name

In this dream I was at a gym preparing for a group class. The instructor came in and had us all grab barbells. For some reason I grabbed two very small dumbbells to do push-ups and then realized we were going to do something else, so dropped them only to find all the barbells were taken. The instructor then had us line up very close, holding our barbells. Then we were attached to one another by clips. The result was that we appeared as a human grid.

Our assignment was to run a route in pairs. We would be carrying a barbell between us and our fuel was an assortment of tea.

As my partner and I ran together, we far outpaced the rest of the group. The route was a dirt path among rolling hills covered in tall, green grass. The view from the top of the hill was spectacular and my partner and I sprinted down the hill together at a high speed. I remember looking behind us and seeing our group shrink as the distance between us increased. I remember feeling intense joy and pride at our accomplishment.

Then we reached the bottom of the hill and our speed dramatically decreased. We slowly made our way to what appeared to a be a large temple or shrine made out of light gray stone. There were paved roads that meandered around green patches of grass dotted with flowers and surrounded by short hedges.

I noticed our ration of tea bags was almost gone and we were nearly out of water. How could we ever get to the finish line without our fuel? I decided to put several tea bags in our last remaining water. My partner said, “Wouldn’t that make the tea too strong?” I said yes and explained I liked it that way. There remained three gray tea bags of Oolong tea.

This is when the others in our group began to catch up to us. One pair passed us and I noticed they were on a tandem bicycle. That is when I realized my partner and I were on two separate bicycles.

As we made our way toward the main road, my partner wanted to take a different route. I hesitated but then followed him since both routes led to the same destination. As we pedaled down the path, I saw two police officers rounding up some children who did not follow the directions and were off track. I remember thinking I was glad I was not one of them.

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Dream Interpretation

The dream is suggestive of not working with my counterpart toward our common goal. There is a separation that exists, symbolized by the separate bicycle when we should be on a tandem bike. Tea is symbolic of life satisfaction and taking one’s time in regards to a relationship. Not only is tea our “fuel” and we are running low but our speed slows down significantly.

In-Between Communication

Prior to waking from this dream, I found myself in a discussion with an online friend. We were talking about desire and her lack of it and my sudden increase of it. I pointed out my partner, who appeared much as he did in past lucid dreams though he was quite a distance away in this particular lucid moment. I remember telling her, “I don’t have any issue with it (desire) now.” She had said something like, “My partner and I do not have any interest in each other anymore.”

She then said to me, “If you want to be with him why don’t you initiate?” I said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.” I remember looking at my partner from a distance and thinking I would like him to come over where we were standing.

That is when I became lucid in the in-between and my Companion was close. I knew he wanted me to do what he normally did in our past encounters. He wanted me to initiate our connection. My first thought was, “How? I don’t know how.” Yet I could feel my heart chakra active. It felt like my entire chest was a mass of solid energy. My third eye was also active.

There was recognition then that I preferred to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In fact, all my life I have never once pursued anyone other than one boyfriend in high school who took my advances to mean I wanted to jump right in bed with him. This was not the case and I quickly withdrew. I discovered that if I showed any interest in a man (meaning just being nice to them or friendly) it was misconstrued to mean I wanted to have sex with them. So I quickly learned to remain distant and let them pursue me. If I was interested then I would accept. It I was not, I would ignore them or straight out tell them to back off. It really sucked for me to be this way because I prefer men to women as friends yet I could never have a male friend because they always wanted it to go beyond friendship. 😦

That is when I was straight out told that I needed to reverse this role. I needed to pursue what I wanted. If I wanted sex, then I need to initiate it. If I wanted the heart connection, then I needed to initiate it. There is nothing wrong with wanting either. It is my right, my decision.

But I fear the rejection that goes with it. I recognized this fear right away.

That is when I recall hearing myself ask my Companion, “What is your name?” I heard myself reply, “Allen”. This brought me to full wakefulness and I remember hearing an entire name, “Richard Allen” but I can’t remember the last name now. Then I could not remember my own name and it took me quite some time to remember it.

As I lingered in bed, trying to get a grip on reality, I had a vivid vision of an orange cat. It was very obviously dead.

 

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Dream: Caging the Dogs

In this dream I was at my mom’s house. There were two dogs who I was scolding and putting in a large pen that resembled a chicken pen. They had escaped on more than one occasion and the screen door was damaged. I tied the door in place with bungee cords and then spotted a small hole that I knew one of the dogs would try and escape out of. So I went scrounging for a piece of wire to patch the hole. I found some on an old, rotten chicken coup and pulled it off along with the tiny wires that held the piece in place. Then I patched the hole. I was very meticulous about placing the patch and felt proud of myself when I completed it because I knew there was no way the dogs could escape.

Interpretation

I am afraid of something I know, something that I feel may escape if I do not pen it up properly. This “something” is connected to the symbol of the dog. Dogs can represent various things. In this particular dream they are playful and are escaping and causing damage to their pen. A pen is typically symbolic of communication and self-expression and since this one resembled a chicken pen then I am afraid of expressing a certain aspect of myself. Based upon these symbols, I can only guess that I am being encouraged to stop limiting my expression of my intuitive gifts. This does not feel totally correct, though, and I want to say that the dogs represent living life fully and being loyal to myself.

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Two Recurring Dream Symbols

My sleep has been very dream-filled and deep of late. There are some symbols that keep repeating that I think are worth mentioning.

Cats

Cats continue to appear. Usually they are in varying states of health. My most vivid memory is of a gray cat that was literally cut in half yet still alive. There was also a memory of a cat and a snake together. This cat was white and also ill. Still yet there was another dream in which the cat was lashing out at me with its claws and hissing. I was not afraid of it, though.

Cats are representative of feminine sexuality, independence, creativity and/or power. For me, they are usually indicative of my sexuality. The colors vary, but I suspect the gray cat that was cut in half represents my masculine and feminine sides not yet being united and whole. Aggression is symbolic of not accepting my feminine side/sexuality. The white cat with the snake could indicate fear of the feminine side of myself.

No Gas (Fuel)

Twice now I have had memories of looking at my cars fuel gauge and seeing it on empty.

In the first dream I was chasing a man who I had been dating but had disconnected from me. I never saw the man. Instead I was outside an apartment complex getting into my car. When I turned on my car it began to shake violently and the lights flashed. That is when I realized I had no gas and needed to get to a gas station. I found one nearby but it was foreign – the cost of the gas was in liters and it cost 50 cents a liter. The attendant approached me and he was Japanese and asked how he could assist me. I allowed him to fill up my gas tank and gave him my credit card which was in the shape of the state of Texas.

The second dream was just of me seeing my gas gauge was at empty and being concerned about it.

Apparently I need to rest and re-energize or feel the need to do so. It also indicates that I need to focus on my health, which I am doing. It just so happens that the number 50 has to do with healing and well-being.

 

 

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New Cycle of Energies

Yesterday the energy was up and down and a bit rigid, asking us to let go of old patterns – the death and resurrection of aspects of the Self which no longer serve us. Yes, this is a cycle that continues to repeat itself. Why? We humans have a tendency to repeat patterns even when cognizant of these patterns. We “toss” them, think we let them go, but then, when things get tough or circumstances repeat themselves, we find ourselves clinging once again to that which we thought we released. So the work never ceases. If we do stop, thinking foolishly that we are done, we will find a huge dose of reality hitting us sometime in the future that forces us to see that we are not yet finished. This cycle is the crutch that goes along with being human.Without it, we fall flat on our faces and reluctantly have to use it to walk again.

The energy dramatically shifted over night and today it is elevated and bringing with it lots of old baggage in the form of emotion – anxiety, tension, fear – and resistance. These emotions are lingering remnants from the eclipse energies. They need to be released and will be whether we like it or not.

This is the beginning of a new cycle of energies preparing us for the work ahead. For the forerunners most of this work has been done already – or so we thought – but as I just stated, our human condition forces us to continuously work to maintain our current energetic state. With each cycle we chip away at “new” old issues/patterns/beliefs while also flushing out any garbage which may have settled back from past clearings. Remember, also, that we are clearing for the Collective, so this work never ceases and as we (the world) progress becomes ever more important and vigorous.

The “work” ahead varies for each of us. I have recently recognized a consideration once again rising to the forefront of my thoughts. It is the consideration that my work is something bigger and more exciting than my current and past life experiences. It is funny how the Ego likes to feel important and such thoughts still circulate despite all the hard work I have done to put it in its place. This is a great example of the continuous clean-up process. In order to be ready for our “work” we first much drop any expectations of what that work will be. What we want is not always what we get. Few will find themselves in a dramatically different life situation when their work is revealed in full. The reality is that we must be open to experience anything and have faith that our lives will align with our Divine purpose here. Everything has its place and purpose.

As I type this, I am reminded of something I was told this morning upon waking. Though we think we have considered every possible outcome and action, we can’t possibly consider all options that exist. In fact, for every potential outcome we envision, there are unlimited others. In even attempting to predict our future we succumb to the Egoic mind and all its accompanying illusions.

So when you perceive this new cycle of energies, or IF you perceive it, remember to stay present in the moment and open to whatever experience may come to you. If you slip, it is okay. There will be intense emotions and life situations that force repetitive patterns and reactions to the forefront. Try not to judge yourself too harshly when you find yourself embroiled in situations and events reminiscent of your past. Such circumstances are inevitable and purposeful for your development and transformation. Remember not to label your experiences as “good” or “bad”. Observe them and learn from them. In doing so you will not become trapped by them.

 

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Maintain a High Vibration

Yesterday was a fantastically beautiful day! Unfortunately for me, mundane life took the front seat. Things have to get done.

First off, my husband went to get an eye exam. He had been complaining of not seeing well when driving months ago but never made an appointment. The only reason he got an appointment is because I made one for him. lol Anyway, turns out his vision, which has always been 20/20, is almost as bad as mine now. I do not know how he managed to even drive! I wouldn’t dare drive without glasses or contacts. No way! So now he wears glasses and wants to get contacts. We’ll see how he adjusts. lol

Me, I had to get my teeth cleaned per the requirements of starting my orthodontic treatment. I knew I would not get good news. It was just a feeling. I had not been for a cleaning in 2 years and thought I would have to get some fillings replaced. Turns out all is well – apparently I didn’t even need a cleaning (after 2 years!). BUT they found a Grand Canyon-sized crack in one of my molars. Huh? They took a picture with tiny camera and showed me. It was plain as day. So no big deal, right? It didn’t hurt so I figured all was well. The dentist explained that it was good that I had no pain because a crack that size usually exposed the nerve causing excruciating pain. Since this was not the case yet, I was “lucky” and could get a crown and fix the problem before it began to cause me pain and cost me tons more money.

So I will be getting a $1300 crown on Tuesday. Why these things cost so much, I will never know. It definitely makes me feel old, though. How the hell does one crack a huge molar? They said I probably bit down on something hard. Hmm, yeah, of course I did! That is what teeth do – chew! lol

What is crazy curious about all this is that I was calm and collected the whole time. They took my blood pressure and it was 109/69, pulse 80. Hahaha. I’m probably the most chill patient they’ve ever had. And when I saw the crack I never once panicked or worried about money, pain, etc. This is very out of the ordinary for me. I did think about the cost, but mostly because I had not expected the added cost. In my head I was doing calculations to figure out where I would pull the money from. I knew this “bad” news was purposeful.  I need to fix it while I can afford it regardless of the cost. Who knows where I will be in the next few years and I definitely don’t want to be in the position where I am in excruciating pain and need an emergency root canal. Yuck.

On April 5th I will be getting braces. Thankfully, now days they have options that make them nearly imperceptible. Mine will be wire but with clear brackets. I won’t be able to eat normally for the entire time I wear them which is estimated to be 14 months. I still have difficulty justifying the expense for one misplaced tooth, but there is a feeling that I need to do it. Gotta go with my gut.

Despite all the “bad” news yesterday, the energy was sublime and people who I encountered were happy in a bubbly sort of way. Spring is in the air!

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Protect Yourself – Maintain a High Vibration

Today the energy is a bit different – more erratic. My household seems quite affected. This morning my husband woke on a rampage which was not pleasant. I hate it when he gives me lectures like I am one of his children!

I began to perceive this difference last night. My husband is big into Game of Thrones and so I watched it with him but kept being distracted by our stereo system. It kept flashing the message, “Connected”. This is the Bluetooth, of course, but usually it is not connected. When I saw the connected message I felt a wave of energy pour into me via my crown and from my back through my heart chakra. I knew this was a message that me and my counterpart in Spirit are “connected” and the love that washed over me was confirmation.

About half an hour later I was drinking my tea and felt a different energy. It did not scare me but I recognized it as lower in vibration than is normal. The communication from this entity suggested an earthbound (ghost) or at the very least a resident of the lower astral/etheric. This particular entity was trying to disguise himself as my Companion and I detected his disguise quite quickly and surrounded myself with Light and called upon the Violet Flame.

Afterward, I asked why this was occurring and was told to be careful of my thoughts as they manifest quite quickly. I then realized that watching that T.V. show had shifted me into fear mode and my thoughts had been along the lines of doubting what I had been experiencing. This opened me up to lower vibrational entities. NOT something I wish to experience.

Just goes to show how very important it is to keep your vibration high.

 

 

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Message: Worship Life

If you stripped away all the roles and labels you identify with, what would be left?

This question was asked of me this morning along with these messages:

Worship life.

Think “some day” and you’ll spend the rest of your life waiting for “some day” to come.

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Dreams

My dreams were also intensely vivid and related to these messages.

In one dream I was standing by an area where bundles of tall sticks had been stored vertically. Amidst them were four babies that appeared to be dead but when inspected were very much alive. We revived them and they morphed into dogs and the rest of the dream involved discussion about the dogs.

In the other dream me and my family moved to Alaska where a sustainable community was being created. The place was all gray and dreary and I kept worrying about the long nights ahead and dreading the future. I had a feeling that I should be happy but I was not and I was bored.

Memories

When I awoke all kind of things were going through my head. The song, from my previous post  was the most noticeable but there was a distinct memory of the time prior to my move to Alaska:

My ex-husband moved to Alaska before me to attend a training academy and I waited in Texas, living with my Mom and preparing for our drive to Alaska. I didn’t want to go. I knew what was waiting for me. At one point I broke down in tears while taking a shower because I wanted badly to stay in Texas. This was after I had turned down a job offer for a teaching position at a nearby school. At the time, I was too afraid to go out on my own, even with all the signs pointing to this being the right thing to do. I believed my marriage was more important; that to choose my wants and needs over my marriage was selfish and wrong. My mother had seen me crying and spoke to me about it afterward. She encouraged me to stay and I remember such pain in my heart. Unbearable pain. Excruciating.

Lessons

After this memory hit me, I was asked, “Focus on that feeling. What did it tell you?”

My response: “The feeling was showing me what I am not.”

I recognized that the feeling was trying to show me that moving to Alaska did not align with my energy/vibration. It was out of sync with me. Yet I ignored it, choosing instead to follow my ex’s path, a path that was not mine and did not align with my authentic self. The result was near disastrous for me.

I feel the beginnings of this feeling in my current life. Honestly, I don’t even want to acknowledge the feeling is emerging. I hate knowing it is there. Yet things in my life are shifting in a direction I know I am not suppose to go. What do I do with that?

Preparation

As I drifted in and out of the in-between, scenes came into my mind. One specific scene pulled me out of my reverie it surprised me so much. In this scene, a friend of mine was talking to me about needing to find a roommate. I did not recognize this friend, though. Her search came at a time in which I needed to find a place to live on my own. As I pulled myself out of the scene there came with it a knowingness that if I follow my heart, then things will align perfectly to set me on the right path.

Of course, I panicked and had thoughts like, “What will I do for a living? Where will I go? I can’t live far away from my family! I will be so alone! What about my kids?” and on and on and on. Yet the feeling with these thoughts was calm – the panic was hollow; fabricated. So weird!

In response to these thoughts there was knowing that I would be OK. I have money saved. I have a retirement fund I can cash in at any time. I can travel. I can do anything I want. I thought of traveling to Egypt and to South America. Then worry would enter and say, “But what of after all of that? What do I do when all that money is gone?”

The winning answer is “Who the f**k cares!” LOL

I know all of this is preparation for something to come. There is nothing for me to do now except prepare. It could be a year from now, two years, ten years. I don’t know. But the feeling, the PUSH is coming and I need to acknowledge it for what it is so that when it happens, the resistance will not be there.

And those labels, for me they are (in order of importance): mother, wife, daughter, sister, counselor, teacher, lover, friend. Who am I when I toss all of those? What is left?

If you try this, you will know just how scary it is to let go of these labels but at the same time extremely freeing. We can imagine ourselves without these labels but in actually letting them go – releasing the identification with them – we will find who we truly are. I don’t know the answer to this for myself yet. I have to live it. Yet there is a feeling that I will be like I was in the beginning of this life – without boundaries, always in the present moment, and endlessly exploring and loving life. Imagine that.

 

 

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Willing to Experience Anything

Though the energies have been high and quite intense, I have not noticed them quite as much as is normal. Perhaps I have adjusted? The only indicators for me that the energies are high right now are: 1. My guidance/intuition tells me they are. 2. My heart, third-eye and crown have been active on and off. 3. My sleep is more interrupted than usual and I am having more vivid dreams.

My dreams indicate that I am going through yet another transition period and making more decisions behind-the-scenes.

Community College or University – I had a dream in which I was deciding if I should go to a community college or university. A line of students were waiting for orientation at the community college and I remember mulling over my options. I was going for an advanced (doctorate) degree so I chose the university. The feeling from this dream is that I am choosing what direction I wish to go in. There comes with this dream a sense that choosing the university indicates choosing a “school” many, many others would also be attending. Maybe the lessons then are more mundane in nature?

Piranha Swimming in Air – I walked into a bedroom and saw a large aquarium with big fish in it. I prepared to feed them when I saw one of the fish swimming around in the air about me. It startled me and I left in a hurry. I told some people outside, “Do you know one of the fish escaped? Be careful because it’s a piranha and it could bite you.” I also asked, “Is it even possible for a fish to swim in the air??” Fish out of a fish tank and swimming in the air is actually a common dream for me.

Fish are usually representative of ideas and/or insights from the subconscious. A piranha is likely an idea or issue that is literally eating away at me and causing me internal upset. The fish tank itself indicates I am in control of my emotions (all but the piranha that is).

tardisRejecting Intuition – In this dream I was at a busy intersection with others. It reminded me a large city like New York. There was a man sitting on the bench. When I saw him I intuited that he would be in an accident and lose both his legs. I decided not to tell him because I believe doing so is irresponsible and unethical. I continued past him but was asked to stop and reset this machine for the next person. It reminded me of the Tardis from Dr. Who except it was smaller. I found the latch and flipped it. The latch was labeled, “Walk-in”. There was much confusion here in the dream and a thought of wishing I didn’t know what the future would bring.

Continued Shifting

There are other dreams intermixed with these but the themes are similar. When I awoke one of the six times that I woke in the night (ugh!) I recall knowing that I had chosen to slow down progress towards Wholeness. I am afraid and need to sort through that fear. I was not very nice to myself upon recognizing this and viewed it as a flaw. There was also knowing that a rest period has been entered (again) and April 4 came to mind. As usual it appears my guidance is giving me a heads up on when the next rush of energies (likely Kundalini) is coming.

In the meanwhile, physically I look and feel wonderful. There has been a physical transformation in me over the last couple of weeks that I am pleased with. My complexion is superb when it has been anything but since the end of January. I have more energy than usual and my body just feels lighter. It is hard to describe. Additionally, I am feeling more connected to my body and feel so much more than I have in a very long time (3 years?). I am actually interested in sex again. Huh? lol Happy dance. I literally feel like I am 20 years old again. Woo-hoo!

On top of these changes, I am also feeling more motivated. Today I have an appointment with an orthodontist to fix my teeth which has been an on-going irritation for me since my 20’s. I have never done anything because of the high cost involved and I could never justify paying so much for one out of place tooth. This time I’m going to do it. It’s an early 40th birthday present to myself. 🙂

There is also present an inkling that I might be able to venture back into the workplace. The thought of it is still unsettling but I sense this will break down in the next few months. There are still some things in my life that need to shift before looking for work but I am being prepared for something that is coming.

I am willing to experience anything at this point. 🙂

 

 

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Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough

This song has been following me around all day. I woke up hearing the chorus, “Sometimes love just ain’t enough”. Why was I hearing this upon waking?

In reading over the lyrics, I have to say the message doesn’t seem to be a good one.

Hang Gliding Dream

The dream just prior to waking may be a clue. I don’t recall much of it now, but I do remember very vividly a bright red hang glider that was being ridden by a young man. It was like he had wings and he kept getting in my way. I was walking up some very steep stairs and he landed right in front of me, blocking my way. The entire dream scene itself was like something out of a movie. What Dreams May Come pops into my head and the crazy afterlife scenes of never-ending stairs and people flying through the sky. This was the kind of place I found myself in.

what-dreams-may-come

Scene from What Dreams May Come

There was a  vast, golden stair leading up to a large ledge. From where I stood on the stairs I could see I was close to the top and the steep stairs seemed to stretch on and on below me. Below that, a vivid green expanse and blue sky that seemed to go on forever. The sky was filled with puffy white clouds and hang gliders. Each of us was preparing for our own take off from the building high above. There were conversations but they are lost to me now. All that remains in words is the above song and that one line. Weird.

Hang gliding or seeing a hang glider in a dream symbolizes the wish for freedom from one’s limitations or limiting circumstances. The color red here may be symbolic of the root chakra and feelings of safety and security. The stairs symbolize achievement of understanding and making progress on one’s journey. The fact that I am near the top is significant here as I am able to see how far I’ve come and how close I am to reaching my goal.

There is some behind the dream memory of discussing my marriage and relationship with my husband. These discussions also occur when I’m not dreaming, so I do not doubt they continue during dream time. I can’t help but put it all together and notice. This comes with a feeling of not wanting to acknowledge some obvious truths. Even now I don’t want to look too hard for fear of what I might find. Yet, when I read the lyrics some parts practically yell at me to pay attention. Specifically the parts about staying just to have someone by my side and thinking something’s going to change but it never does.

My husband is very stubborn and determined. Even if I decide that I want to leave, he will not allow me to. He is that pig-headed. The only way he will ever let me go is if he decides it for himself. I don’t think that will ever happen. And honestly, I do love him very much, but, like the lyrics say, maybe love isn’t enough?

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Dream: Portal to Sirius

I found myself in space amidst the stars with a group of others. I do not recall feeling as if I had form or shape, but I do recall a feeling of I AM. The purpose of the trip into space was to send off a friend. I recall seeing her vividly. She was tall and slender with long, straight dark brown hair. She appeared human but she had features that indicated she was not such as slanted, oversized eyes; pale, luminous skin; and smaller than average mouth and nose. She actually reminded me of an Anime character. There was also a faint, neon blue aura about her and all around her.

We were floating above a platform I couldn’t see and there was a sensation of moving very, very fast yet at the same time we stayed completely still. There was a type of silver, metal, arch that was rotating which was causing the sensation of movement. It was destabilizing the area in which we were located in order to create a portal for passage to another location. The neon blue aura was around this machine and seemed to pulse as I focused on it.

The dark-haired woman said something to me about this blog, saying that she would not read it because I never signed it with my real signature. Her exact words, “I won’t read anything that hasn’t been signed by the writer.” In my mind I saw an image of a person’s authentic signature written in ink. This confused me as I could not understand why she would tell me something like that but I knew I had not ever signed my name. I hugged and told her, “I would read anything your wrote, no matter if you signed it or not.” Then I wished her well on her journey.

Through the forming portal I can see the outline of a very large city. The structures were pristine, shining almost white and taller than the buildings we have here on Earth. I could make out several towers and multifaceted crystalline buildings.  For some reason I identified the city with Sirius and said to her, “I can see Sirius.” I pointed to the city and she nodded and prepared to enter the portal.

At this point I am able to perceive the others in my group. There are five of us in total but they hang back as if only to observe. I watch as the portal stabilizes and rainbows of color begin to arch out from it. The colors were iridescent and you could see right through them.

When I awoke I had only been asleep about an hour because it was 10:39pm. Information poured into my mind as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. I heard, “Annunaki”  and “way station” and knew I had been preparing to travel interdimensionally. Unfortunately, my body woke me up and the transfer was suspended. I had a strange sense of saying goodbye to a part of myself which left me feeling a strange dejavu-type feeling. I wondered briefly about the signature part of the dream. Perhaps it was a message to me to take ownership of my blog and other aspects of my Self I am not openly acknowledging?

In researching known E.T. species, I discovered that there is one that resembles an Anime character: The Yahyel (Shalanaya).