Daily Archives: November 15, 2016

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Heart Bliss vs. Heart Fire

Yet another post from my WP break. I’m being led to re-read these old posts and share them. Interestingly, my third-eye and crown chakras are active after a very, very long break. This one is from April 25, 2016.

Heart Bliss vs. Heart Fire

I couldn’t sleep last night. My heart, third-eye, and crown were alive with energy and so was I. lol My mind was also in overdrive. I’m not sure why I am thinking so much! I hear my guidance telling me, “You have a lot to say, so say it!” lol They are encouraging me to “speak my Truth” yet I’m not quite sure what that is. I suppose, though, that it will come to me.

Even now there is so much I want to write about but I don’t know exactly where to start. SO much flowing through my heart and mind.

I guess I will start with the heart energy. There are distinctly two kinds I am feeling. This was not so evident before, but now I have a sense of it. There is my favorite kind, which I will call heart bliss. Then there is the other kind which I will call heart fire. The main difference is former feels amazingly beautiful, expansive, and all-encompassing while the latter feels like an intense, deep, burning that splits my heart in two and courses straight through my back like someone has stabbed me.

I have no issue with the heart bliss. Bring it on! lol The heart fire, on the other hand, is quite unsettling at times and there is a rejection of it when it is at its worst. Most of the time the heart fire just sits there as if to remind me I have shit to work on. For five days now I have had the heart fire as an almost constant. In contrast the heart bliss was fleeting, only lasting a bit longer than the lucid dream in which I contacted it.

Since my most recent encounter with Steven and the amazing heart bliss, I have been different. Each dose of heart bliss seems to push me to the next level. Level of what, I’m not sure, but afterward all I can think of is getting more of that heart bliss. Lately my mind is on the latest heart bliss episode and seeing Steven sitting there across from me in that hot tub smiling. The recognition and knowingness along with the amazing feeling makes me want to return and stay there and never leave. I had not seen Steven look like he did in that experience since an unexpected OBE in 2004 where I met him and he looked like that.

Memories

Seeing him and feeling Steven this time brought about an inspection of his energy and the energy of my physical counterpart. They feel identical and it is very confusing to me! How this is possible, I don’t know, but I know it is purposeful.

In considering the energy similarity – match may be more appropriate – memories surfaced about when I first met Steven.

His energy scared the shit out of me. I mean literally repelled me. I couldn’t run from it because he wasn’t physically present, so I just pushed him away and spoke instead to a female guide. Later, when he came to me his energy – he – was huge again and I was scared but fascinated at the same time. He made me feel special and loved and I was drawn to him despite being afraid. As our relationship grew, I fell in love with him. From what I could tell at the time, being in love with a guide was not a “normal” thing, so I hid it from people who knew me. I worried I was going crazy and making up a relationship with an imaginary lover and so this meant I was messed up in the head. In fact, I judged myself quite harshly for this “fault”. I was constantly conversing with him throughout the day and he was also with me in my dreams and OBEs. He was a constant presence in my life.

My fear eventually got the better of me and I got in so deep into the “fantasy world” I was in (this was my reasoning at the time anyway) that when I was asked by Steven to “merge” and agreed, the things that happened after were too much. The spontaneous past life memories were intense and the OBEs even more so. Yet I wanted more so kept asking for more. I remember getting so impatient that I told Steven, “I want to know it all” and one night I got what I asked for. This was not in an OBE, this was while wide awake. I am not sure what happened exactly but suddenly memory upon memory upon memory of past lives hit me all at once. It was too much for me to mentally process and I must have cried for most of the night. I remember rocking back and forth, wrapping my arms around myself for comfort as I sat on the front driveway in the middle of the night. I can still see the clear night sky dotted with stars in my memory as if it is happening right now.

The memories wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to make them stop. I begged Steven to make it to stop. It finally did but I was in shock afterward, like on the brink of insanity.

After that I told Steven to go away. He backed way off and gave me space and eventually I stopped feeling him/hearing him. I  must have grieved for an entire year – maybe longer – after that. I just wanted to die and go Home. That was all I could think about. That is when my Dark Night hit me hard, too.

Steven slowly shifted back into my life over many years. And then it was back to “merging” and him asking me permission to do so. I now know he had to have my permission, but of course I would give  it to him. There is nothing I would not do for him and at least now I don’t feel ashamed or crazy to say that. I understand who he is now. Finally! I must be completely dense to go as many years as I have with our connection and not connect the dots. Duh! But then I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Everything happened exactly as it was meant to.

Spiritual Merge – Physical Merge

As my heart fire was ripping through my chest last night and my mind was going a thousand miles an hour in all directions, somehow knowingness got through to me. I heard Steven whispering to me. Anyway, he asks me to focus on my physical counterpart. He does this a lot and it use to drive me crazy but now not so much. It is like slowly information has trickled down into my conscious mind in bits and pieces and is settling in putting the puzzle together piece by piece

What he tells me is that while I am merging with him at a spiritual level, this in itself is not enough. There is a missing piece – the physical. Steven is not able to merge with me completely because he is not physically present. Honestly, I can’t even begin to imagine the power of such a merge and just thinking of the possibility of it makes me want to die. lol In fact, Steven told me this morning, “You have not really seen me yet. When you do, you will die a thousand deaths.” I did not take this as a bad thing either. I would love to die a thousands deaths. lol After feeling what I have felt there is a longing to die in this way. Completely.

But back to the topic. I can’t get distracted by the heart bliss even though it is all I think about. lol The physical merge is a necessity for a complete merge into Wholeness. I am still not completely sure what Wholeness means or looks like, though. I also don’t know what it means to merge at the physical level.

With this, I kind of disengaged. I am not sure I am ready to hear what a merge in the physical entails. I think this is because I am still afraid to accept all the feelings I am having. The confusion between their energy is making all this very difficult to process. But then I am hearing now that processing is not productive. It is best to think of their energy as the same energy for it IS intended to be as such.

Of course my mind immediately wants to take over and this is where it gets hard to shut it up. All these “what if’s” come into play and the heart fire doesn’t help.

Thankfully, I have done a SHITLOAD of work with Steven already. So much in fact that he is telling me, “We are very close.” I am shown 40 again as a very big year for me/us. The way I understand it, Steven has already ascended. A while ago. And has been helping me ever since. I won’t say he is more advanced but he has finished and is focused on getting me to the finish line now. Once I finish, we will “regroup” in Spirit and then split off from each other again to make our individual journeys. We have done this many, many times. This particular merge is not the same as the one I am working on with him presently, though it is intricately connected.

And I wonder about the intense feelings, heart bliss and fire, and how long it will last. The feeling I get in return is that it will not ever really go away. Thankfully I am at the point of acceptance now. Just let it in.

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Question and Answer Session

Another post from my short break from WordPress. This one was written on April 30, 2016.

Question and Answer Session

I needed some answers so I figured I would just start asking my guides and see what they give me. I use to do this after my first awakening. My journal during that time if full of question and answer sessions just like this one will be.

We are glad you are seeking our council. (I received a major blast to the heart that made my stomach drop and covered me with goosebumps)

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that!

We know. We have been waiting for you to appeal to us. It is about time.

I guess you already know what I am going to ask then.

Of course we do.

Why does my heart do that? What are you doing to me? It makes me feel like I am losing my breath.

Your heart is responding to what it knows. We know you. You know us. We are family. Always together.

Who are you?

We are the Many, you are the chosen. Is that settled now? (this made me laugh)

Who are the chosen? Why do you use that word to describe me/us?

The chosen are those who volunteered to be of service to Earth during this time, the time of the ascension. We are able to communicate through those of you who have been selected as candidates for contact. This you are and this you know.

This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to talk with you. I’m a bit caught off guard here.

Would you like us to explain? 

Explain what? I have forgotten what I was going to ask and my mind is blank.

In another year’s time you will not need to ask us the questions you wish to ask. You will know. We have already explained this and established it as fact for the time being. However, if you would like us to explain it again so you can have it in writing then we would be agreeable to that.

Okay then. What is happening to me in regards to my physical counterpart? Why is he so frequently in my thoughts? I feel like an obsessed idiot and it seems it was just forced upon me out of the blue.

We understand you have many questions and upsets regarding this matter. As you know we are limited in what we can reveal to you of this process because it is so very important that you do not booby trap yourself along the way, and you will indeed do this for you have too much emotional investment in the outcome. 

What you are experiencing is a melding of two consciousnesses. One which resides in you and the other which resides in him. You are similar but not identical. You were made from the same cloth and from this was cut the pattern from which you both created the lifetimes which you have lived. Each of you has created your own tapestry of experience and within each of your own experiences are pieces of one another’s. In this particular tapestry of experience you have chosen to join your two individual tapestries. With this comes a Remembrance of that which you Are. In this Remembrance is much detail and emotion. Lifetime upon lifetime upon lifetime. In this Remembrance you have both chosen to integrate all aspects of yourSelf for you have selectively created aspects across many different timelines simultaneously in order to create your own unique tapestry. Ultimately your tapestries will become one, a grander more elaborate version of the individual pair which composes it. 

So how does this go along with my human experience because what you are describing sounds more like something that is going on at higher levels.

There are no ‘higher’ levels, there is only You.

Okay, well then can you explain it more from the human perspective?

From your perspective it would seem that you were being invaded by another. In a sense, you are as his energy and yours are intermixing, although this is not visible to your human eyes. In the process of this exchange you will become more of the other and as such also more of yourselves. 

Is this the Wholeness I keep hearing about?

Yes, it is.

How many times will I be experiencing something like this in my lifetime?

Once.

Thank God. lol But then can it occur more than once?

If it were to happen more than once, it would be with other aspects and not with another occupying a human body as the aspects themselves exist outside of space and time. They are interconnected within the fiber of your being. They in fact compose that which is You. 

How do I avoid the almost obsessive thoughts? It is strange to me and I do not know what to do about it.

There is only the monitoring of thought that will bring you relief. In this we remind you to remain in the heart and as the observer. If you accomplish this task then the thoughts you are referring to will be nothing more than echoes reverberating in your head. They are of no consequence. Do not give to them more weight than they carry for this can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. This you have already witnessed firsthand have you not? (they are laughing at me)

So the path to wholeness, as you call it, does it require his participation?

Yes and no. Yes in that he must consciously agree and no in that there is not a specific path or steps that he must follow in order to help you in becoming Whole. Consider yourselves to be on similar paths, parallel to the other yet intricately intertwined. What one of you accomplishes, so too will the other.

Do we have to meet physically for Wholeness to occur?

No, you do not.

So what is all this energy? Specifically from the heart but also the third-eye.

The heart energy you are experiencing is your connection to All. It is your finite body reacting to the infinite being that you are. It is like putting similar ends of two magnets close to one another. There is a pressure, a resistance, felt as the energy of both sides comes in contact. This is also how it is when you place the infinite up next to the finite. It is simply the energy of  You, one limited and one unlimited. 

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that explanation but I like it. It makes sense. And the third-eye? Is it the same.

Yes. With each vortex of energy there comes the sensation you are experiencing. Each is connected to the physical body but also to other aspects and other times. When one is active as you call it, then you have access to the other aspects and times via that particular vortex.

So, you mean that if my third-eye is active then I have access to the intuition – the vision – of other aspects of me on other timelines?

That is an appropriate rendition of what we have just explained, yes. 

I know there is more as I see what you are showing me but it is hard for me to understand the layers upon layers and vast connections I see. It is like a matrix over a matrix over a matrix.

It has been referred to as “fabric” by many others because of its resemblance. What you see is the tapestry we formerly discussed. What you see is intention and creation. What you see is the building blocks of God/Source.

I think it may be just a bit over my head, but then you know that. I guess I would just like to know how much more of this heart connection will I be subject to?

As much as you can handle and then some. It is not going away, Dayna. It is part of you. It IS you. This you have already concluded for yourself so why are you again asking us this question? 

I was interrupted by my youngest several times during this session so I ended it here. I was getting a bit overwhelmed by all the information that was coming through.

I must admit I am shocked from the amount of energy that was coursing through my heart during this exchange. It is like heart fire on steroids. lol And the imagery I was shown- wow! The very vastness of each of Us is beyond compare. There is nothing on Earth or in my limited human experience that even comes close. The “tapestry” is the only analogy that makes sense as it appears in interwoven layers of color. I could see the stars and the universe within its “fibers”. That is how big We are and I am sure We are even bigger than that.

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Lucid Dream: My Everything

This was a post I wrote when I had taken a short reprieve from writing here. I keep being reminded of what I was told in this experience and so looked back in my blog for it. I found I had written it privately and believe it should be shared now. The date of the original post is April 23, 2016. Enjoy!

Lucid Dream: My Everything

I was outside on a veranda of some sort that reminded me of a very large, white gazebo. The setting was somewhere in the deep South. It looked like a plantation estate that I had visited when I was in North Carolina. The sky was clear and a deep blue. There was a slight breeze and the green of the grass and trees indicated it was Spring.

I sat at a long, white table looking out at this beautiful place as I did my homework. On the paper in front of me I was writing numbers. Each number was in the millions. I was counting the places and trying to remember if millions had six zeros or eight. So I was looking back in my text when he arrived.

A man wearing a white dress shirt and black trousers approached from the lawn in front of me. He had come to see me and I looked up at him briefly as I did my homework. I was kind of dismissive and he said, “Oh, excuse me, you are busy. I will come back later.” Then he was walking out onto the lawn and away from me.

I stopped what I was doing and yelled to him, “No. Wait! I want you to come back. Please!” He stopped and turned, looking at me briefly and then walking onto the gazebo to stand next to me.

He said, “Really?” and sounded thoroughly surprised and hopeful. Still facing my homework I said, “Yes, of course.” I reached my left hand behind me and touched his pant leg and then apologized because I worried it would be unacceptable. I pulled myself up via his leg to stand up next to him.

I looked up at him this time and realized he was quite old. His hair was completely gray but thick and unruly. His face was kind but etched with deep wrinkles. The feeling I had was that he was the professor who had been teaching me. I knew him as my teacher. I did not recognize his face, I recognized his energy.

Then I reached up and kissed him on the mouth. The feeling from him was that he was very completely caught off guard by my behavior but that he had wanted me to do exactly what I was doing. My lucidity was full-on by this time and I could feel the kiss in all ways – very real!

I wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me close to him and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. I remember thinking, “I love him”. And fell into him, feeling absolutely no resistance.

Heart Bliss Explosion

With this came an intensity of desire that shot into my heart chakra and poured into all of my lower chakras. It was the most exquisite feeling I have ever felt.

I woke up and the energy intensified and poured through me. I did not want to wake up yet even while awake the energy was coursing through my heart and lower chakras. My root and second chakra were especially active but my heart was beyond exploding. The feeling is indescribable. It is passionate and tender and beautiful and all encompassing.

The appearance of the old man confused me. Who was he? My first thought was that I was just going to have these heart-connections with everyone I met now, that I must be a spiritual slut of some kind. lol It sure felt that way. Yet there was the man’s voice in my head and it was the same voice I have always heard – my Companion’s.

I realized that my Companion is my father, my brother, my son, my uncle, my…..you get the point. He is all of them. There was a complete recognition of him in this way, too. He is my everything. With this I saw him as pure, golden energy – swirling and pulsating. A Golden Man.

The energy continued to explode into and out of my chest. He was speaking to me the whole time, asking me to focus on him and what I was feeling and what I remembered of our interaction. I knew he and I had been discussing some things. My life, my hopes and dreams, my spiritual progression, etc. As I recounted what I remembered, I fell into this bliss-gasm and my heart felt ten, no a hundred, times its normal size. And the beautiful feeling, OMG I can’t even describe it.

And I knew he was drawing me towards him, embracing me. I suddenly felt as if I shrunk and became a child-version of myself. I was looking up at him and his appearance was more familiar. His tan skin and long, braided hair was distinct and my recognition of him was complete. I again realized he was everything to me – father, husband, son, uncle, friend, teacher, guide. I knew without a doubt he had always been with me, is with me always and is a part of me. He told me this as well. Communication was a constant. And the love was unlike any I have ever experienced.

Then I realized we were in a hot tub together. I saw him sitting across from me with a big smile on his face. I yelled, “Steven! It IS you!”

I remembered then why he gave me a name he gave me not long ago: Moab. The name meant “ancestor” in Hebrew but also meant “father” and numerous other things. It all made complete sense now. He was my Moab – my everything. My spiritual counterpart.

We discussed then what was going on and what would commence now. The whole time the heart bliss is exploding through my physical body and pouring down my lower chakras. I kept thinking, “Push it up” to keep it out of my lower chakras but at the same time I was receiving permission to allow it to go down – that it was OK to feel pleasure, passion, desire. I felt my crown and third-eye blaze at this time, so I knew the energy was beginning to rise.

I’m not sure how I was able to communicate through it all.

I kept asking for the completion of US; for the energy to complete it’s rise up through my crown and beyond. I was told it was not yet time, that I have work to do on many levels first. My physical counterpart was mentioned in this. Part of my completion is assisting him with his. My Companion also said that We must work on my life, tweak it and this alarmed me. He said, “Baby steps” and I felt the progression would be gradual, the changes gradual so that I would not overreact.

I then recalled a dream I had before meeting him on the gazebo. We were looking at a small Christmas tree. I had just made an ornament and put the name of my middle son on it. The branches were full and I saw that my son already had an ornament on the tree. In this I knew that my middle son was a “gift” to me. I felt such love for my middle son and knew he was also part of me – husband, father, son.…. My children are very, very important to me and to this life and my purpose here.

This is by far the most amazing experience I have had to date.