The pummeling continues for me. Apparently I am not alone. Though I don’t have much time lately to peruse the articles on the internet, I am occasionally drawn to one to confirm whatever it is that has briefly crossed my mind. I ran across this one today and the map pictured in it pulled me in. It reminded me of a dream I had a few nights ago in which I was being shown power spots in the U.S. Mt. Shasta was one of those. I also saw other locations spread across the globe. The description of the energies in this post also hit home. I am suffering. Still. Thankfully I don’t have body issues. Mine is all emotional. It is like my empathic side is super charged. I don’t like it.

Yesterday it seemed like all was back to “normal” for a while. I went for an hour long run with my husband. We talked the entire time. It was pleasant and I had more energy than I thought I would. The day was beautiful. Clear blue skies, cool temperatures, just a nice day. When I got home I felt very grounded and stable. I thought maybe the upheaval I have been experiencing was over. Yet I knew with that thought that it wasn’t.

Dream: U-Turn

I was driving along a busy highway. There were more lanes than I could count and it was night and the headlights of thousands of cars filled my vision. I was not in a car, I was flying at very high speeds. For some reason, I felt I had missed my exit. I couldn’t figure out where I was. Everything was foreign to me. I determined that I was going the wrong way and so suddenly turned around, making a u-turn into the lanes going the opposite direction. No headlights were on that side. It was clear.

I turned quickly and with too much speed but managed to go the other way. Several people stopped me, asking if I was okay. I said I was and kept going. Yet when I began to look for the right exit, I found I was in the wrong place. My exit was going the other way. This confused me even more.

Dream: Going Down

I must have exited and found myself inside a building with many levels. There was a restaurant and the floors were uneven with many levels of their own. I ended up in front of a row of elevators. I was told some were not working properly. I watched three doors open. Doors 3, 4 and 5. The problem was that once the doors closed they would not go in the direction intended and you may end up trapped inside. Despite this, I saw my middle son get in. The door closed and when he came out his clothes were gone and he was completely naked. The same thing happened to others who got in. Completely naked.

I saw one elevator open to the level on the other side. A man went in and ran across. When he made it to the other side he was burned, a big, red circle on his midsection. It was clear to me these elevators were not normal. I asked how we would be able to get up to the higher floors. I was told, “These elevators are going down. We are already on the top floor.” In my mind I saw that they descended hundreds of floors down, into a space that was beyond my comprehension. I knew I had to choose one and allow it to take me down. I was afraid.

At My Limit

When I awoke from these dreams I was disoriented. It reminded me of experiences I have been having when I drive lately. I will find myself driving along and suddenly not know where I am. I will panic and it takes time to figure out where I am. The first time this happened it was on a drive to my Mom’s at Thanksgiving. Since then, whenever I drive I worry it will happen again and many times it does making it that much scarier to be behind the wheel. The lights of the cars blend together and I feel disoriented and confused. It is like I am a new driver and am not sure I can drive a car.

I burst into tears because this feeling is how my life feels right now. It is like when I went scuba diving at night. It is the most disorienting thing. You can’t determine which way is up, down, east, west. The blackness is scary and you freeze because you don’t know where to go or where it will lead you.

I spent a good hour this morning in bed crying. Crying because nothing makes sense and I can’t figure out what to do. The counselor side of me kicked in, though, and I understood why my guidance keeps suggesting that I dive into my 3D life. My job and my kids right now are my only stable ground. Take one or both of those away and I am sure I would crash into a psychotic break or worse. Without these responsibilities to push me out of bed every morning, I don’t know where I would be right now. Not a good place, I’m sure.

This is by far the worst time in my life to date. I can’t stress how bad I am/feel. Inside. On the outside, I look fine. I’m good at faking it. An old pro. But this is pushing me to my breaking point. I don’t know what that will look like. Ugly probably.

Even at work today I had to hide many times throughout the day. This is not the first time, either. It’s an on-again, off-again cycle. Good day. Brutal day. Okay day. Brutal day. So even immersion in 3D is not doing me much good now.

Guidance

My guidance is not helping much. Lately they have been saying, “We can’t interfere.” The only constant is that whatever this is will pass and on the other side things will be “clear”. They did say I am delving deep into the subconscious, into uncharted territory. Whatever it is that I am digging up is really heavy stuff. I wish I could make sense of it, but then I would have to have energy to do that. Right now I am exhausted. All the life has been sucked out of me.

These two songs have been helpful lately. Music and art have been my saviors. Any creative outlet helps. So if you are going through something like I am, create something. Anything. It makes the pain bearable.

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light….. 🙂