Thank goodness for sleep! Wow, was I tired! Even with my son having a sleepover with his cousin I was able to sleep (and that is a major accomplishment I tell ya!).

In the middle of the night I heard banging from the bathroom. I got up to find my youngest at the bathroom sink holding his toothbrush. I asked him, “What are you doing? It’s 3am, you need to go back to bed.” He pouted his lips and said, “Noooo! I forgot to brush my teeth!” Rather than fight him on it I took the toothbrush and told him, “Okay then, go to the bathroom first.” He didn’t argue and used the toilet as I put toothpaste on his brush. When he finished he walked right past me and back to bed. LOL He must have been sleepwalking. All my kids sleepwalk like their mother. 😉

My other son and his cousin fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV. I think they stayed up until midnight at least. This morning they are full of energy and making a mess of the house. Reminds me of my own sleepovers as a child. 🙂

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I was thinking of the masculine and how, in general, the masculine energy in human form is really struggling right now. It was/is very clear to me that it might take a long while still before the masculine is able to step into and own their power in the way it is intended. So much guilt, anger, resentment and inner conflict swirling around inside. Since I have had the honor and pleasure of experiencing a Divine connection with a man who owns and wields his power the way it is meant to be, the contrast between what is (for most men on this planet) and what will be is obvious – palpable even. And I am sad for the men who are struggling because, to me at least, the solution to their inner struggle is so obvious: stop fighting yourself, stop denying yourself, stop resisting yourself. The thing is, the very power the masculine holds has been twisted and misused for so long that many have come to fear their own power because of how destructive it can and has been. This fear causes them to push it down, to deny and in some cases to misuse it even more because that which we refuse to see – which we refuse to confront and take responsibility for – in actuality controls us even more. It’s a cycle that must stop and is perpetuated by fear. Avoidance and denial is not the way to redemption. Avoiding deep and meaningful relationships or suppressing desire (sexual or otherwise) is far too common as is continued misuse and abuse of power.

There is hope, though. There are men out there who are well on the path to successfully owning and stepping into their power.

Anyway, I don’t mean to focus on the masculine over the feminine and imply that somehow the feminine is more advanced (though I am a bit biased since I am a woman). It’s always so much easier to see with clarity the solution to a problem when it is someone else’s problem!

The feminine also must step into and own their power. An obstacle we face is healing deep wounds from lifetimes of abuse. This is my reality and process now but only this morning was I made aware of it.

Dreams

Only snippets of last night’s dreams remain with me this morning.

In one dream I was comparing bare feet (foundation, understanding, stability) with my daughter. I noticed her feet were as big as mine and asked her to put her foot up next to mine for comparison. It was identical and I marveled at how quickly she had grown.

In another dream I went into a bedroom (private self) that I felt was my own. Inside it was dark and the color blue dominate. The covers of the bed were on the floor revealing only wrinkled blue sheets. I thought to myself, “Someone had sex in my bed.” For a moment it grossed me out to think of it. I went to make the bed and noticed something stuck between the bed and headboard. I pulled out a yellow baseball hat (covering up something)stuffed with a yellow shirt. I tossed it to the floor. I saw another similar hat but in another color also stuffed with clothing. After finding several of these hats, all of different colors (like the chakras) and tossing them on the floor I said allowed to someone, “Who put that there?”

I walked around the side of the bed because I saw something moving. It was a small cockroach (filth, dirty, something unwanted). I had a remote in my hand and attempted to squash it but the roach kept escaping. It ran toward the bed and hid inside a red folder lodged underneath. I made sure the squish the folder as much as I could and then opened it to find I had not killed the roach and it had gotten away. Thinking of it under my bed and likely to crawl on me at night creeped me out. I hate roaches!

Debugging

When I woke this morning a guide was to my left very obvious and audible. He was smiling and sending a lighthearted amusement my way. His closeness, however, meant he wanted to talk.

My communication was that I was tired of pretending, tired of being exhausted by the pretense and wanting it all to stop. It is hard for me to understand why I would be allowed to experience all that I have yet not be given the go ahead to step into perpetuating that experience within this lifetime. The message continues to be, “Not yet” and my patience is growing thin.

His response was understanding and reminding me that We are One. He said it more than once in fact, as if I were missing something, which I probably was. I asked him what was going on, why was I having these odd feelings and experiences. His answer was, “We are debugging.” A flash of the cockroach came to mind and for a moment I smiled and laughed at the ingenuity in my guidance’s messages to me.

I felt more than heard instructions to settle into my core/center, which I did immediately and without hesitation. A warmth spread over me and suddenly all my concerns and impatience vanished and understanding returned. My process of healing is accelerating. A blockage in my second chakra has partially cleared and another layer/level is being accessed for clearing/healing. Similarly, the heart is unusually open/active as a counterbalance to the clearing process.

The word “diksha” or “deeksha” was also provided as an explanation of what is occurring.

Edit: I had to pause on writing this post to do something downstairs where I encountered a wounded roach (featured picture). Supports the debugging message and gives me hope that perhaps the “bugs” in my system/energy are well on their way to being worked out.