Lots of lessons lately. Thankfully, I am clear enough that I am taking it all in stride. I believe the shadow work of the last few months has led me here. And I’m not the only one who has arrived. As my guidance said to me not long ago, I say to you now: Welcome back!

Firstly, I will start by saying, “Damn! I’ve changed! I’m so proud of myself. Well done, you!”

I mentioned in my last post that the Kundalini was visiting again. Well, this K visit was catalyzed by a person I had an online but highly energetic encounter with last summer, right around my birthday. Call it a soul family encounter of the 5D kind, I guess, because I have no Earthly idea what to call it or the specific reasons for it. Neither does he!

Last August our connection was preceded by a dream of my Mom’s house catching fire. When I woke I heard, “Fire. Two weeks.” As you can imagine it worried me seeing my childhood home in flames so I contacted my mom and warned her. Exactly two weeks later an online acquaintance emails me and tells me he has been waiting in the wings for about two years to propose to me that we connect at the energetic level. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I agreed it would be okay. The almost three weeks following ignited the K so intensely that ultimately he retreated, for personal reasons. However, it left me a bit in shock and it took me a few months to really process the entire experience.

At the time I was really proud of myself for not attaching to him or the energy between us. It was amazing to me how easy it was to be this way! As I have written many, many times before, the K is intoxicating and alluring, like a highly addictive drug. It is almost impossible to not become obsessed over your next “fix”. But somehow I didn’t have that reaction. I was able to fully separate during the “down times” between encounters, return to “normal” with a clear mind and heart. Considering just how different my experience was with this man, how magnetic even, my response was quite a feat!

Yes, I did enter into a dark period afterward, and maybe it was because of the after-effects of this encounter. I can’t say it didn’t influence what came next because eventually I did miss what we had, but only because when we connected it was telepathic and for the first time ever I was able to fully share myself with another. Meaning, what he felt, I felt, and vice versa.

Then there was the awful incident in my old house just last month. The man burning himself alive in the closet, dying and destroying the second floor we added in 2011. Within two days (I kid you not) the man from last summer emails me after no communication since last September. I can’t help but see a repeat of symbolism – fire. First from my dream and warning last summer and then this time to an actual event that resulted in death of both a man and the house of my past. By the day of the funeral, communication was well under way between myself and my old friend.

At this time there has not been any communication between us for over a day. I am okay with it because, like before, I have not attached to him or the connection we have, nor do I expect anything specific to result. I have just enjoyed the reunion and the company of someone who gets me. This time around the fire between us was never totally reignited, though the K was very active in me in a healing sort of way more than anything. My friend confessed his difficulty with resisting my energy, opened up more about what he experienced last summer and apologized for his abrupt disconnect.

For me his confessions gave me better understanding of what was and is going on. I had thought him much more advanced than myself in terms of the K. Turns out that I was wrong, or at least my assumption of some of it was inaccurate. He struggles with attachment and expectation. He is searching for something specific and is focused on that desire and the path to it. There are many lessons he has yet to learn about the nature of these connections, lessons I hadn’t really recognized until now.

Firstly, you can’t truly appreciate the Kundalini when you attach to it or have expectations about where it will lead you. Like my guidance warned, “Passion is a double edged sword” and other similar messages like “Follow the 8 Winds [of Buddhism].” I think it is inevitable that when one feels the K that they attach to it, desire more of it to the point of chasing that feeling, always wanting more. Eventually the path leads to non-attachment, surrender and the release of expectation. This is a natural process. It can’t be forced. The rising of the K itself results in these lessons being learned.

Next, once you’re Kundalini awakens, you will ignite others either consciously or unconsciously. There is no avoiding it. We are catalysts for each other. That means encounters like the ones I’ve had will continue. These encounters are often painful and lead to delving into the depths of the self that otherwise would never have been seen or experienced. However, if you release attachment and expectation and surrender to the experience you are able to recognize this process and better prepare for it.

Finally, the primary purpose of the K energy is as an ever-present guide and teacher. Once awakened it will never truly be gone. It may appear to go dormant but it is just in waiting. It is guaranteed to return one way or the other. Therefore, longing for it or worrying it is gone “forever” is pointless. The ego wants to control the experience, to know and to possess. If allowed to do this, destruction is inevitable.

I’ve developed a sort of weird appreciation for these encounters now. I see the potential for growth despite the very certain upset involved. Though this man is now retreating from the magnificent connection we have, I know he will be back at some point because there is unfinished business to attend to. No, I don’t know the specifics of all the work involved but I sense the growth that awaits the both of us once he commits to the task. What he wants at a spiritual level will win out over what he wants in the physical. I can provide what he needs spiritually as he can also for me.

Something I am learning throughout this process is what is means for the spiritual and physical to be in balance. The physical really is just a reflection of what is happening within each of us. Unfortunately, the physical is delayed because it follows the rules of Time. One of the messages I received from my guidance during this reunion was to slow down….and wait for the physical to “catch up” to the spiritual. I am able now to experience the two worlds (spiritual and physical) as if side by side and can easily see the discrepancies. Movement forward cannot happen until the two are in balance. It feels a certain way and is not something that will be easy to identify from the physical perspective. Trying to force the physical into submission definitely doesn’t work! When we try to do this we end up in a crisis that expresses itself through uncomfortable physical symptoms.

Right now I am back in acceptance and am not at odds with my life as I was just a few short weeks ago. My impatience is my downfall, though.

Edit: Have to add that I woke with song in my mind this morning. It reminds me of the OBE I had when I finally fully surrendered to the K. I was in the middle of the ocean and finally stopped struggling. To my surprise I floated. Safe. There was this beautiful calm and acceptance. I will never forget it.