I had a nice, quiet, lazy day alone yesterday followed by 10+ hours of sleep last night which was greatly needed. It’s not often I get a full day and night to recuperate and I took full advantage.

The previous night’s lucid dream message returned to my thoughts around bedtime. So I asked my guidance to help me pinpoint my “joy”. The dream was obvious in indicating there was a well lit path via my joy and I don’t want to waste anymore time getting on it. The answer was provided before I shut my eyes but I was in a bit of denial. This morning, not so much, but I understand why I have been delayed as there is a lot of change involved….and courage.

Very few things have brought me consistent joy in this life. The first that always comes to mind is singing. I love to sing! Yet I have not done much of it since getting married and having children. When I was younger I wanted to become a professional singer. That way I could make money doing what I loved. That path didn’t pan out, though. It was made clear time and time again that I wasn’t good enough to earn the kind of living I wanted. So I decided to keep my singing to myself and follow the path suggested by everyone close to me: teaching.

I did find teaching enjoyable and fulfilling at times, but not consistently.

Then I had my spiritual awakening and everything changed. Never had I felt so passionate about something, not even singing! But the timing was off. The world hadn’t awakened yet and once again I didn’t have what it took to earn the kind of living I wanted.  So I gave up and once again took the logical, easier route – teaching.

And then teaching became a drudgery. It nearly destroyed me. So I quit and went another logical route – counseling. I made good money and had the stability and safety of a good job. But then that, too, did not fulfill me.

In the midst of a safe, stable counseling job I met the Kundalini and had yet another spiritual awakening. This one was – is – much more transformative than the first. And, like before, never have I experienced such joy…or passion.

So, prior to bed I recognized that of all the things I have done in this life, the only thing that consistently brings me joy is the spiritual and spiritual transformation via the Kundalini. Therefore, to follow my joy I need to explore the Kundalini more – go down that rabbit hole. I am not sure of the “how” yet, but I am working on precisely wording what it is I want the Universe to give me. When I have that perfected I will set the intention and see what it brings me.

Courage to change is not one of my strong points. I usually have to be forced to make difficult changes. I can’t say that won’t be the way it goes this time but hopefully I can avoid traumatic change and go the more gradual route.

Dream – Sleeping Bag

I was traveling down a country road with two girlfriends. We were searching for a new home. There was discussion along the way about how to go about maintaining the romantic three-way connection we had (refers to me and two others). I remember saying I felt uncomfortable with the idea and did not see it working out. At the time I had with me a sleeping bag (have to leave my comfort zone) that somehow ended up in a ditch (obstacle, feeling pressured, needing to get out of a bad situation) and was swept away by flood waters (high emotion).

We ended up camping (facing stress and pressure in life) in a nice spot. It was very green and had everything we needed (security, safety). I wanted to keep going because the spot was not what I had imagined our home to be like. I wanted mountains (spiritual journey) and there was none. The other two women were set, though, so we stayed.

Then we noticed a community of people already occupied the spot. It was a strange group which reminded me of the Amish. We encountered a group of the men trying to pull of a huge gourd vine full of mature gourds (abundance, prosperity). We watched them for a while and eventually revealed ourselves to them.

We were invited inside and I was shown a large green cloth. I realized straight away that it was my sleeping bag (have to leave my comfort zone). Inside the cloth was my folded up bag, completely dry!

For a while we all lived together and planted an impressive garden made of plants I have no name for. Everything flourished (personal and financial growth) but I was still searching for my ideal home. I told my girlfriends I was leaving.

I ended up outside a hotel (paradigm shift) in Georgia with a man who I knew to be my husband. I was thirsty so went to buy some soda. Two men came out of the hotel. One told me the machine was broken but offered to buy me two sodas (options). The other man stood to my left and just behind me. I got a creepy feeling from him, like he wanted to have sex with me, but he kept his distance.

I was given the sodas and asked for money to pay for them. I handed the man a $20 bill. He gave me back $10 and told me I could get the rest if I opened a checking account (investment needed) with them. I remember thinking I had just been scammed and considered just taking the loss.

I began to talk to the other guy about Virginia and Georgia. I told him I use to dream of meeting the man of my dreams who I called – my Virginia man. lol I also told him the same about a man in Georgia. I mentioned the man in Virginia was like Nicolas Cage but now that he was older he was like an old Nicolas Cage and not very attractive. I couldn’t recall who the man in Georgia looked like.

The last thing I remember is looking over and seeing the man who I knew to be my husband sitting on a black mat with several dumbbells (feelings of guilt or burden) around him. He looked to be counting them.

Dream – Showing Myself

This dream was almost lucid but I was so tired I never fully recognized I was dreaming.

It began outside my mom’s house. I was with some others – family I guess – and had a box in my hand. Somehow I realized I could float around on the box. The first time I went up quite high and told someone (probably my guide) to keep me closer to the ground. I then showed the others what I could do.

There was this small jet plane (feeling threatened), about six feet wide, that was coming in to attack my family. I remember it was blue and white and looked like something from the US military. I got on my box (it resembled a yoga block) and flew around hiding behind trees.

From up high I noticed someone up by the fence and flew up to him. He was dressed in military camo. I saw a group of cows (docile, need to belong) milling about in the road. I said, “Looks like someone’s cows got out.” The man nodded, not even noticing I was floating.

As I turned to leave I was once again on the ground. I tried to lift off and fell on my face. I walked with my mom and began to hop until I was once again able to fly. Suddenly fearless, I decided I wasn’t going to hide from the military and turned back toward the road which was now full of infantry men and women trying to round up the cows. I flew over them and they looked up. I felt triumphant.

Considerations

The first dream seems to be a typical dream where I am sorting through thoughts and feelings. The second dream is a usual lucid/OBE type dream where I am practicing doing something that in real life I struggle with. In this case it is confronting my fears despite repeatedly “falling down” (failure). There is fear of being seen coming up in the dream and a fear of being “caged” per the cows getting out.

It seems like fear in general is something I am working through. I’ve had a blockage in my solar plexus for quite some time and this is exactly where fear resides. The Kundalini has been forcing this fear to the surface. The worry and anxiety attacks are just a portion of how it manifests. Avoidance is another.