A third night of wonderfully deep and rejuvenating sleep! I believe it is due to the full moon and after this morning’s experience I have no doubt.

First, though, I want to share a dream from the night before last because I think it provides a glimpse of what was to come – and then happened this morning.

Dream: Leaf Monster

What most stands out from this dream is a scene at a swimming pool. A young black girl, one of my “students” in the dream, takes me to her pool. She shows me a small step fountain of about four block steps leading to a tiny hot tub. She then goes down the steps of the fountain on a tube. She explains how a friend did it and wiped out but she did it without issue.

As I walked around and surveyed the scene I saw that the pool area was pretty neglected. Fallen leaves had gathered around the pool and in it, piling up and covering the surface of the areas surrounding the pool. The leaves were mostly thick and brown with some of various Fall colors. I told my student the leaves tend to pile up where I lived, too, especially the oak leaves. I described the process of raking and bagging leaves every year and my disdain for it. We have to do it twice a year in Texas because the Live Oaks lose their leaves in March while the other trees lose their leaves in the Fall.

The girl showed me how they cleared the leaves. She took me aboard a ship-like contraption that had a large hole in the bottom that acted to lure in a creature – or monster – that lived in the water. The monster ate leaves apparently and when I saw it it looked like an eel or snake. It was enormous and could easily eat a person but I was not afraid of it as I floated over the clear, blue pool watching this creature swim around eating leaves.

Then I recall talking to my student about my grandmother. I tell her how my grandmother is ill and doesn’t have much time left because her liver and heart are failing her. I say she is around 96 years old. Then my grandmother is there and I am talking to her. This grandmother is no one I recognize yet I assume she is my Nanny who died in 2014 when my son was newborn (making her around 96 this year if she had lived). We talk about her late husband and I tell her I miss Granddaddy, too.

Interpretation

Pools are often in my dreams indicating a need for refreshment, healing and rejuvenation. The clear, blue water is clear emotion and calm. Leaves are often indicators of sadness, hard times, regret and other negative emotion. These are piled up high and I am trying to get rid of them. The neglect of the pool indicates a neglect of myself in some way – likely emotionally. I have left the debris to settle and pile up and need to clean it up. I reflect on how difficult this task is and how frequent by reflecting on the leaf duties I have to complete twice a year. I believe the monster that is snake-like is the Kundalini. I am not afraid of it  and it “eats” the leaves, clearing the “debris” easily and hungrily.

I am not so sure about the grandmother symbol here. Since grandparents usually symbolize wisdom and learning from ones mistakes in order to make better informed decisions, it could be that this part of me is somehow dying or ill and has not long to live. Perhaps I am not learning from my mistakes? Or there is a desire in me to kill off a part of me that is ill, specifically in the “heart” and “liver”. There was a third area, maybe the kidneys, but I can’t recall it now. This older version of me, which means a past version, is clinging to her love of a husband who has long been dead. The latter of the two feels more likely. Who wants to kill off the part of them that is wise and learns from their mistakes? I certainly don’t! But the death of a part of me who is clinging to the past feels much more freeing.

Kundalini Dream: Abandoned Kittens

This morning I woke around 6am and struggled to return to sleep because I had slept so well. The phrase from the song Disarm was going over and over in my head and really beginning to annoy me – The killer in me is the killer in you.

I read the meaning of the song lyrics yesterday and know the song is about how the songwriter had wanted to kill his abusive parents as a child but instead opted to write a song. He explained that he recognized the only way to end the cycle of abuse was to approach it with love, thus him sending love and a smile instead of violence and anger. So, I know now that the meaning of the message was similar – end the cycle with love. Yet the song was not going away. What was I missing?

Somehow I fell asleep. I entered a dream house. It was light and airy feeling inside. I had found a litter of kittens (feminine sexual energy), about nine, that had been abandoned. Someone was with me and we were talking about the kittens. I remember looking at them and commenting on how they had no tail (sexual pleasure) – they looked like little bobcats.

After observing the kittens for a while, I discovered they were only being fed once a day at 7pm. I told the person this was unacceptable because kittens need to eat frequently.

I went into the space where the kittens were being kept and got a flat dish out. I held it up and the kittens knew it was time to eat. They came out of their hiding places meowing. I called to those that were still hiding and saw them coming out of the garage (delay, lack of movement). I remember saying aloud, “They shouldn’t leave the door open like that.” One kitten jumped up near me and tried to climb into the dish.

I found the kitten food stashed in a corner. It had been left with the kittens when they were abandoned. As I poured the food, large sprouting plants (new life, new potential) with clumps of roots came out with the food. It was like the food had “sprouted” like a seed rather than going bad from disuse. I was fascinated by this and plucked the small, tree-like plants out so the kittens could get to the food.

I sat down with all the kittens petting and cuddling with them. One lay on me purring as I stroked it. The whole of the experience was relaxing and pleasant.

For some reason I thought to let a kitten suckled on my breast (weird!). I lay on my side and held the kitten close as if it were a baby human. The sensation of it it suckling reminded me of when my own children breastfed.

This is when the dream shifts and I become quite lucid. Whoever I had been talking to in the dream is much more present in my awareness. I don’t recall what he says but my root chakra suddenly explodes with energy and the energy quickly intensifies, shooting energy upward in spurts that cause me to squirm. I feel as if I wake up but I don’t think I do because the conversation continues as the energy subsides.

Then I have a short lucid dream of being in a store. A man is standing behind the counter. He hands me an ancient, leather bound book and shows me a page. On it is written a song. I don’t recall the words but I saw them, nor do I remember a melody but I sang it. He cautions me, telling me, “It is a spell.” I somehow knew the spell was linked to the root chakra activity I was having.

I recognized this man was giving me a choice – sing the song and reignite the Kundalini bliss but also release layers of suppressed emotion  – or not sing the song and keep things as they have been. As I stared at the song and the man my root was swirling creating a pressure that I could feel throughout my Being. It was as if it was calling to me asking me to “release” and “surrender” to it. All I wanted in that moment was to do just that.

Much happened here as if in a millisecond. The man explained to me that if I agreed to “sing the song” that the feeling I was experiencing in the root chakra would return. He said, “You will not be in control” and asked me if I could accept that. My response was, “I’m not in control anyway.” I also remember the time period of “six days” being mentioned as if this experience I cannot control would last that long.

The entire time this discussion is occurring the K energy is rushing upward over and over, each time stopping at the point where I feel it will most definitely kill me. With each ebb and flow I feel this power. It is hard to describe. I feel powerful but also without power.

The last thing I recall is asking the man why it has been so long. His response was that I had requested it (it being the K energy experiences to stop). I do recall doing this some time ago.

Conclusion

Taking the two above dreams into account, along with the others prior to these dreams, it seems I have been invited to continue my work. This work is spiritual and involves the Kundalini. The K energy needs to be allowed to do its job – clearing out the debris and blocks that remain.

During the past few days I have been having emotion and memories from 2015-2016 surface in spurts. It is easy to push it down and pretend it isn’t there, but the feelings don’t go away. I had asked last night prior to bed for help in coming to terms with these feelings/emotions/experiences. I recognized that what I have been doing isn’t working. Pretending the feelings are not there doesn’t make them go away; it doesn’t heal them. In fact, I’m not even sure “healing” them is the correct course of action. These feelings seem to be part of me; like a spark that needs to be allowed to ignite and grow larger and larger. I believe that in asking for help, asking to be shown what to do to finally come to terms with what happened and is still happening, opened a door that I had closed. I closed it because I felt the process to would surely kill me and I am afraid of the unknown.

I received a message not long ago, maybe two weeks ago now. I was told, “You will be seen.” It has stayed with me regardless of my trying to ignore it. As memories of 2015-2016 were coming up along with the emotion and connection of it, my guidance stated, “He sees you.” And I understood then what the message meant. To be “seen” by another, truly seen, is what I experienced and what I miss so much.