It is Day #6 of Snowmaggedon (or if you prefer, Snowpocalyse) here in Texas. The high today was 39, so we experienced quite a bit of melting. However, the temps will be back in the mid-twenties tonight, so anything wet will surely be icy in the morning.

Today I ventured into work with my husband. The roads were pretty clear and I-35 was clear and dry. A pipe had busted at the office, so he fixed it, and then we went out to lunch at a local Greek restaurant we like. Seating is outside but it was comfy enough because it was partially enclosed. The sky was blue and cloudless.

On a walk today the snow melt was even more obvious. The subdivision roads are mostly clear except for the areas in the shade. The biggest change, though, was heard. The birds are suddenly back and everywhere. They are singing as if Spring is here. It is such a welcomed sound!

Most people now have power and water. There are a few exceptions, though. I think Austin power is back on for 90% of residents. I’m not up to date on the water supply in Austin but in my area people are having trouble with pressure and losing water once they get it. In some cases the water is not clear, either, but brown. Ick! We still have water and have no issues with pressure or color, but we have a different water provider than most people in our area. All we have is a boil water notice in effect and I received an email this morning asking us to reduce wastewater.

Sadly, everyone is treating this winter storm like “the end of the world”. They are in panic mode and so, if you can even get into a store, most of the store shelves are empty. It is worse than Corona lockdown! Thankfully, we still have enough to manage. I will not be going into a store until all is clear.

Below are a few more pictures. We received a second round of sleet on Thursday which finally did some trees in. Our beautiful Clamondin tree broke in half from the weight of all the ice. I was already concerned we would lose it. Calamondin trees can only survive in temps above 20 degrees but if the roots stay warm enough it will regrow. Roads were made worse, also, but the birds didn’t seem to mind. We had a flock of some songbirds feasting on frozen berries across from our house. They were so immersed in eating they let me get about six feel away.

Here’s hoping this is the end of winter for Texas!

With all this down time, I’ve been getting plenty of sleep. Unfortunately, my dreams have not been the best. Below are some examples of what my dreams look like right now. I seem to be in pity-party/poor me mode for some reason. Oh how awful life is! lol Obviously, I am OK, just for some reason the mornings have been rough. The return to physical reality has been hard this week!

Dream: Better Off Without Me

I had a dream where I was with this black man in a store. An older woman was helping him pick out candles (seeking guidance). She was teaching him Wicca (the occult or spiritual). I was helping, too, but I’m not sure either of them knew I was there. I suggested he get the black candle (warding against negative). She advised against it. Then he wanted a white candle (purity) and this was wrong, too. The last candle was green (healing) and was very wide. I remember thinking it better than another one because the other ones were life-like, like animals, and needed to be “fed” (need to actively heal self). 

On the way out of the store with a large bag, the man was concerned about gaining gentry into another place. He could only take one bag and I offered to carry it for him. He kept the bag and I followed behind watching a hole form in the bottom.

We got in line and waited. It snaked around and the destination was an old, dilapidated house. I remember listening to a conversation. A woman was asked when she last went to the movies. She said, “25 days” (received this number recently in another dream).

When we got to the house I remember telling someone I had been inside and stayed the night there once. I described the inside as having old, worn, striped wall paper. I never went inside, though. Instead, I looked from the outside and saw a bunch of gray kittens (feminine) wandering around. I noticed they looked deformed, with over-sized and misshapen heads.

I remember watching a young woman (aspect of past Self) go up to the front and be assigned an Aussie dog (protection) to watch over her. The Aussie looked like my old dog, Trooper, and I watched as he followed behind her to keep her safe, as if herding her. I remember missing Trooper. He was so beautiful.

I realized the man and the “witch” left without me. I remember seeing them in a cave (the unconscious) sitting on the floor. The witch faced the man who was sitting next to a woman and holding her hand. I realized he had chosen this woman over me and thought/said, “It’s probably for the best. I would only have ruined his life.” This made me very sad and as I woke from the dream, I was convinced it was true. The men I end up dating or marrying are better off without me in the end.

Dream: Haunted Mansion Wedding

This morning’s dream began at a mansion (the bigger picture, connection to others). I was talking to my best friend from high school (aspect of Self, Higher Self) about her upcoming wedding. She was very happy and looked wonderful – young, untouched by time, and glowing. She chose to get married in the mansion because it was known to be haunted (unaddressed issues that ‘haunt’ me). She and her guests would stay the night. 

I recall going inside the mansion and looking at a huge pot of coffee (awareness). I realize that I was seeing through her eyes at this time. The coffee pot was full and hot and someone was talking to her/me about the future. I can’t recall the words but I remember receiving a vision of the coffee dispersing from the pot, right through the glass. The coffee came out in tendrils and deposited itself all around as if it had a life of it’s own.

Back outside I watched my friend get into a cute little, white car (life path). It was unlike anything I’d ever seen and I thought of it as a “classic”. It had three wheels, two in the back and one in the front, and only enough room to seat four people. I don’t think it had a top. My friend climbed in and began to drive away with her friends. When she drove the car actually flew into the air. I remember being jealous of my friend’s happiness and freedom. I also recall thinking, “I wish I had friends. I never had time for them but now I do.” I thought it would be nice to finally have someone to talk to but thinking about having friends just made me sad.

Next, I saw my friend wearing a swimsuit (confronting uncertainty and a negative situation). There was a lake (healing) nearby and she intended to go swimming with her two boys. I remember her telling me about them and how proud she was of them. She showed me her memories and I saw how she was able to honor their unique personalities. As I listened/watched I became very emotional and began to cry. This is when I woke up.

Considerations

When I woke up I was very sad and recalling a specific incident with this friend. I doubt the incident had anything to do with the dream, but it was still on my mind. At the time, I had just gotten married and she attended my wedding, like I had attended hers. At the time she was battling cancer and had finally gone into remission. One day, on my way back from the doctor, I called her to tell her the good news – I was having a baby girl. When she answered she was annoyed, asking me how I got her office number. She listened but then was very short with me and told me, “Never call this number again.” Later, I wondered if her irritation was really about the number I called or if she was angry because I was sharing good news about my pregnancy. At the time she thought she would never be able to have children. I then thought back on our friendship and all the times she treated me this way. I never even blinked when she did. I just seemed to let it bounce off of me. Yet in my memories I still get sad. 

Then I thought about how nice it would be to have a friend to confide in again. Yet all my close friends have been similar. When I share something with them, they usually reject me in some way. I know now it is because I do not ask permission to share first. This is part of my Human Design aura type – Projector. But still, it seems one-sided that I accept what they have to share without them asking permission but then I have to ask permission! I am rejected so frequently when I attempt to share that I have withdrawn and stopped sharing altogether even with those I am closest to. 

Then I think of all my open centers and begin to get more depressed. It feels like I am here only for others. I listen, I perceive what they need, and I provide that. Yet who does this for me? The minute I attempt to speak about my own issues and struggles, others tune me out. It is like I don’t exist at all.

Vision: Bitten Apple

As I began to grow more and more depressed, all I wanted was to return to dreamtime. I fell into the in-between and pieces of memories and conversations randomly entered my thought-stream. 

At one point a very vivid vision came to mind: the Apple logo. This was the final straw that brought me out of my reverie. 

The vision likely has nothing to do the the computer company and everything to do with the symbolism of the bitten apple. My first thought was: temptation. The next thought was the Garden of Eden and how the apple represented the Knowledge of good and evil; duality.

I began to think of the recent messages I’ve been receiving inferring that I will meet someone very soon. The bitten apple could be a warning that something will tempt me. The bite out of the apple says I won’t be able to resist. 

My reaction was upset. I asked, “Why am I always the bad guy?” It does seem that in this life I am the ideal scapegoat. People love to point the finger at me. Even my current husband enjoys it. I believe if I were to do something, say run off with another man or cheat, he would jump at the opportunity to make me the bad guy. I also feel like I am good at burning bridges with people. I don’t mean to, not really, it just seems to happen that way. I don’t really regret those who I have left behind but a part of me is sad about it. I am sad because I know they blame me. It is easier to blame another than to take responsibility. I have grown use to being that person, too. The sadness comes from knowing this is just the way it is. The sadness comes from knowing that most people are not like me. Why does choosing love, choosing what makes me happy, have to be at the expense of others’ happiness? If they really love me, then wouldn’t they want me to be happy? Wouldn’t they celebrate my joy? Not always.

But there is a part of me who is happy to be the way I am. It is easy for her to just walk away. To start over, brand new. No regrets. It is only after, sometimes years later, that the sadness comes. I miss those I’ve left behind, even those who I didn’t like very much at the time. I wish they could see me today. I want to celebrate with them. Celebrate what? IDK. Maybe just celebrate that I am still alive, that I have made it this far and so have they. Celebrate connection and disconnection and the roles we played in each other’s life journeys. 

One day this will happen. When we return Home. 

Found: Two More Cards

One more thing….

On Valentine’s Day I found two more tarot cards on my walk:

This is what I posted on FB. I forgot to write a blog post because the wonderful winter storm came on that same day.

10 of Cups (Sota): Dark-haired woman with a light complexion.
Housewife. Mother. Good female friend. Artist.

I’m not sure the other card is actually one of the cards in the deck but more like an extra? I can’t say. I am no good at translating it but my husband says it says “Rewards Earned” at the top. Then “5 grand prizes, 10 gold medals, and a diploma of honor”. So maybe a note about the deck being awarded? IDK.

If it is the 4 of cups then it means: Conversations. Reach an agreement. Good communication.

Last week my daughter and I walked this route and looked everywhere for the remaining cards without success. Then, today, on another Sunday walk, the cards are just….there. WTF? And these don’t really make much sense if added to the other two I found. Not sure what to make of these two.

Since then I have learned that the 4 of Cups is in fact one of the cards in the deck and not an extra. If the cards are messages then it could read as: Card 1 = I meet someone who fits this description in some way and Card 2 = we have a good conversation or reach some kind of agreement.

I will say that while my BIL and SIL were staying with us (their house was without water and power), I had “good conversations” with my SIL, who, BTW, fits the description except for the “artist” part. I also wouldn’t call her a good friend, but she is more my friend than anyone else around me at this time in my life.

OR the traditional meaning of the two cards could be applied, but then I don’t want to go into that right now. It’s seems too complicated. If you want to give the traditional card interpretation a try, have at it. I would love to hear what you think the cards mean!