Our trip to Costa Rica is only 11 days away. Unfortunately, I continue to go back and forth on the decision, at least in my mind. My mind wants to make it difficult – always. When I check in with my guidance I consistently get the answer, “I need to do this.” It isn’t about what my small self (human) wants, at least not primarily. Despite being the driver of this life, my HS is continually checking in with me – the passenger – to make sure I’m comfortable. Contrary to what I think (most of the time), my Higher Self does want my human self to be happy and does strive to give me what I want.

The indecision is typical for me and can be frustrating to say the least, especially if I voice my concerns to those around me and they don’t want to hear them. The other night I mentioned briefly how I was feeling to my husband and he went into attack mode, telling me that if I would just be “nice to him” then I wouldn’t feel what I was feeling. The pure spite spewing out of him was palpable. So, I just walked away and went outside where I tuned into my guidance and got the same answer I always do – “I need to go.”

My mind loves to go into panic mode and will go on and on if I allow it. I see so many potential booby traps awaiting me. Yet when I tune in, my HS will ask me questions to help settle my mind. I recall being asked, “What are you feeling? What are you afraid of?” Lately, it feels like I have a group of supportive Beings around me. This morning, in fact, I heard very distinctly, “We love all love you” and could sense a large group of family and friends in Spirit.

My dreams last night were vivid, especially one.

Dream: It’s Time to Rebuild

The dream began in a large space, like a meeting hall. It was hard to see, but when I interacted with someone the difficulty vanished and they became very clear. I recall talking to a man who I felt very friendly with. He was “parked” in a certain space and mentioned he chose it for “the view”. I didn’t see a man but a car, a yellow one. He felt like someone who I could joke around and flirt with.

Around me I could sense a large group but my attention was on one man among them. We talked for some time about his life and my life. I recall knowing he had two grown children, but they had just recently left the home. He was divorced or separated, also. There is memory of a golden glow, his energy I think, and I could see within this glow images as if a movie was playing.

The energy from this person was attractive to me and I was very, very interested in him. I remember feeling/thinking, “I want this”. Wherever he went in the room my attention went.

Then I was in a dark room preparing for sleep. I remember the space was full of rooms like this all located along a long corridor. Someone was walking down the corridor ringing a bell and announcing a gathering. I could also hear music when the bell was rung – a chiming sound, like windchimes. It was late and I was not in the mood to go anywhere. I remember thinking, “Oh no. Not now.” It felt like I could choose whether to go or not and I was not planning on attending. I wanted to sleep.

Then the man from before was standing in front of me. He asked me, “Are you coming or not?”

I recognized him. He was the same man I use to see in my dreams and OBE’s. He first visited me in 2014 and his visits preceded my encounter with my heart connection. After my heart connection, this was the man who came to guide me in my dreams. He always looked the same – dark hair, dark eyes, tall and slender and somewhat Hispanic looking.

For some reason I was speechless. He then said, “It’s time to rebuild.” I said back, “But shouldn’t we destroy everything first?” He said with both words and a vivid image, “It’s dominoes.” And in my mind I saw a line of dominoes. The first was knocked over and then the entire line followed in succession.

I experienced a kind of clarity with his answer. Then, he grabbed what looked like a scarf and another smaller item. The scarf was see through and blue. He waved it over my head as if to entice me to follow him. There was a sense that I need take only the necessities with me if I went.

I watched him walk out the door. The attraction I felt for him was magnetic and the pull irresistible. I remember feeling reticent but thinking, “Fine. If he’s going then I should go.” It felt like regardless of what this “meeting” was or meant, if he was going to be there then I would be okay. It was clear, though, that I did not really want to follow him, but I did.

The next thing I remember is being back in the hall. It was like I returned to the beginning of my dream. Across from me on the other side I could see the man. My attention was glued to him. Somehow we ended up talking again. He asked me a question, seeking advice. He felt upset about a decision he had made and was being very hard on himself. I could feel what he was feeling and sympathized. I can’t remember what he asked but I said, “You did it for family.” He nodded agreement and said, “Yes, yes I did.”

What I remember most distinctly is how drawn I was to him and how beautiful he was to me. The feeling woke me and my guide was close. I remember saying, “He is beautiful.” In that moment I wanted nothing more than to be with him, next to him, close to him.

Music Messages

When I woke I remember thinking it significant that I was seeing this man in my dreams again. Surely it didn’t mean my heart connection was about to reconnect? I remember briefly considering emailing him about my dream, warning him of the destruction coming because what happens to me also seems to happen to him. But then I didn’t want to resume communication. I know I can’t just be friends, it’s too painful. Besides, the info from the dream didn’t match what I know about him at all.

As I considered the dream, a song came to mind. Specifically this part: “I shot a hole through every single thing that I love”. The whole chorus soon followed:

I’m sorry for everything, no, everything I’ve done
From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved
Oh I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

I struggle to return to sleep, but when I did I heard message. One was, “You’re here to analyze the future.” I questioned that, thinking, “analyze” was the wrong word.

I entered a dream where I was outside laying on a towel sunbathing with others by a pool. I had with me a backpack and was going through the contents. I pulled out clothing and dishes while talking to the others with me about an upcoming “test”. Then I was standing in a doctor’s office discussion a pain in my lower leg. He said a leg vein was likely to return and asked me to take it easy. He showed me that a section of vein was missing and indicated the missing section was “growing back”. The two side of the vein wanted to be reconnected.

Then I was walking in a city at night. I encountered about five tiny kittens. They were following me. As I turned around toward them I heard music and saw into a house. The house was where a mother and small boy lived. Somehow I knew the music was their alarm clock. It kept getting louder and louder. While the music played the walls had images of sexual scenes and I thought it very inappropriate. I took video of it for proof. Then someone took charge of my video camera and zoomed in on another space. There was a wall with wooden, locked doors all over it. One door was opened and inside was an undecorated Christmas tree. The video pushed passed the tree to another door, opened it and behind a row of ties was another door. Behind that were more doors, each getting successively smaller.

I woke up from the odd dreams feeling kinda heavy from a night of information processing without really knowing what that information was. A song came to me as if in answer. I heard, “Cause I do it solo….” The sense was that I am meant to travel “solo” for this part of my journey.

Considerations

The first dream appears to be a preparation dream. Some event is going to (or has already) set off a chain of events leading to destruction of some kind and then a period of rebuilding. I am not eager for this and prefer to sleep it away – avoid it. So the dominoes are representing that chain of events.

The song message may or may not represent me. It could be that someone was communicating to me how they feel in their life – always messing things up. I feel this way, too, at times, though.

The other dreams feel to support the first. The unpacking symbolizes relieving myself of burdens and responsibilities I’m carrying around. The doctor is a guide indicating that the “vein” in my leg wants to reconnect and be whole. I vein could represent my “life force” or energy. There is mention of a test in the dream, also.

The last dream is Kundalini filled. Cats = feminine sexuality. The music, another “alarm” (mentioned in first dream also), is accompanied by sexual images. Then the Christmas tree is a repeating symbol from the dreams I had in the past with the dark haired man. It indicates “gifts” coming. Since this one isn’t decorated yet and is behind doors, it may be hidden.

That reminds me, I asked about the dominoes portion of the dream after I woke. I said, “The destruction hasn’t happened, has it?” They said, “It has, you just haven’t seen it yet.” My feeling was that something has been set in motion but the ripples are still too small to notice. It at least makes me feel a little better about how the destruction comes about. I had worried it would be an “all at once” thing.