Daily Archives: September 6, 2021

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Kundalini Dream: Touch = Ecstasy

Dreams were crazy full of energy last night and when I woke I felt like I had been drugged.

Dream: Bliss Shower

In the first dream, I was with a friend of mine from the blogging community. We were standing close together, facing each other. I could feel this erotic energy when we touched and though I don’t recall much else, I do think we talked and engaged in a kind of exchange. There is memory of police cars and being outside, but I don’t know if it was connected to this dream or? Eventually we ended up taking a shower together. What is odd is that everything was dark around us except for this plain, tiled shower stall and the water falling from above our heads. It felt like we were trying to wash away impurities but the entire time I could feel this amazing energy between us. If we touched, which we were doing as we “cleaned” each other, an explosion of ecstasy resulted. My friend seemed very serious the whole time, though, and I remember seeing his face more than once staring back at me, his forehead furrowed and his eyes squinting, as if he were questioning me.

When I woke I was a bit shocked by the dream but forgot it quickly because of the pull to return to dreamtime and the amazing, bliss-filled ecstasy of it. I went directly into another dream with similar blissful sensations. This one I recall more details.

Dream: Touch = Ecstasy

The dream began with me being invited by a co-worker (we’ll call him K) to go somewhere with him. He had this huge dog, like Clifford the big red dog, only he was white with a big black spot on his back. I followed the dog to a small car. The dog was bigger than the car yet somehow fit inside. I climbed into the passenger seat and we left. Somewhere along the way we smoked a joint and I remember feeling very relaxed and uninhibited.

We arrived at a house where his friends were. We mingled for a while but I was fascinated by touch and what it was causing me to feel. It was a wonderful, erotic, pleasurable feeling. It just made me feel good! I kept brushing up against K and staying close to him. I remember his friends watching me, snickering like they knew something. I realized that K must also have felt similarly because he was drawn to touch me as much as I was him. We ended up caressing each others faces, arms, hands, etc. There was nothing sexual about it, we were just really friendly and close, laughing and enjoying the feeling of each other.

At one point one of his friends asked me how I was feeling. They suggested that I had smoked something much more potent than pot. I asked them if they knew what and I heard “PCP”. I remember thinking about PCP, wondering if it was bad and then relaxing because I knew it was just another hallucinogen. They kept looking at me like they knew something I didn’t, and though I noticed it, I was too caught up in the bliss to really care.

Eventually I went up to K, brushing up against him purposefully, but this time I took his face in my hands and kissed him on the lips. He looked shocked but did not pull away. I heard his friends snickering and something caused me to feel unsafe around them. So, I took off and ran out the back door. It was snowing outside and I ran into the snow which slowed me down because it went up to my waist. Eventually I fell into it but soon realized it was fake snow made of really tiny, circular pieces of foam. I laughed out loud, letting myself get nearly covered in the snow as I relaxed into it.

I lay in the snow outside a house near a tree for a bit, looking at the sky and feeling carefree and “high”. I noticed the garage door was open. Inside were two women standing under bright lights with white packages around them. One came out to investigate and I hid behind their parked SUV, eventually coming out. One woman spoke with me, asking me if I was going to turn them in. I saw white, round, tire-like plastic containers stuffed with plastic bags. Turns out they had a drug operation and were trying to hide it from me. I remember hearing the police were coming, but I didn’t care. I ended up wading through the fake snow back to the house. Someone was asking me about K. Did you kiss him? I said I had and they were shocked and brought up our age difference. I said, “I’m only 5yrs older than him.” This is a lie. I am 10yrs older. The last thing I saw was the flashing of blue and red lights.

I woke up, the blissful energy still swirling around me, making me feel drunk.

I didn’t want to wake up and lay in bed relishing the lingering energy and accompanying drugged feeling. I actually felt like I had just finished having really, really good sex. LOL 

Interpretation

The first dream was likely an actual encounter with a friend. I wish I could recall more of it, but it is very muted in my memory and there are few details except the shower scene and flashing lights. The shower is about cleansing and since we are in it together, it could be about letting go of shared negative energy and/or shared negative experiences. The flashing lights are “caution”. I’ve seen them in other dreams warning me of things to come. It is hard to say what those things are, though.

The second dream was a continuation of the amazing feeling from the first but with another person I know. I’ve had K dreams with him in the past, so it is not new to me, but the large dog is! Wow! Dogs are protection and fidelity, so perhaps there is a need for protection? The drugged feeling intensifies and I experiment with it more and more as does my friend. I think the laughing friends are likely my guidance or someone in Spirit working with me. The fake snow is interesting and indicates an emotion that is frozen is actually not frozen. The continuation of the “drug” idea seems to point to an indicator that something might be addictive and, again, I see the police lights, which is a warning.

Overall, the second dream suggests that though I may feel like the erotic feelings I’ve had in the past are gone (frozen) and will not return, this is an untruth (fake snow). I need to be cautious (police lights). Someone or something I think harmless may turn out to be much more potent than I realize.

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Stop Questioning

The past can teach us so much, if we take the time to listen.

In terms of the world, we all know this to be true. We are taught history as we grow and mature into adults, albeit a biased one depending on where you grow up. If we have good teachers, we are taught to pay attention to past mistakes so that we can avoid making them again in the present and future. Sadly, so many are not taught this, forget they are taught it or ignore what they are taught altogether preferring to be told what to do rather than think for themselves. And even if you are one of those who thinks for themselves, it is easy to get caught up in the present whirlpool of events and be blinded by them. 

The trap is real. It is forged by time and space, humanity and duality. We really do end up stuck in quicksand when we agree to incarnate into this physicality. 

For me, personally, the reality of forgetfulness has been hard to swallow. I knew it to be true in one sense – in that when we descend into this reality was Forget who we Are. I knew it partially in another – that memories fade as we age and ultimately become distorted by the degradation of our mental faculties. It has left me wondering, “How can I avoid making the same mistakes if I cannot trust my own memory?” 

The recent return of an old friend and lover has revealed just how unreliable my human memory is. The more I read through my old journals, the more I realize just how skewed my memory has become. Sure, it has been almost 20 years. I should give myself a break, right? But still, I am not that old yet and I had such certainty when it came to my memories. Yet, I am finding what I recall is very, very lacking and my selective amnesia is to blame.

Throughout our present email communication, I have felt a familiarity and a kind of dejavu sense. Curious, I dove into my journals to read, specifically, the old emails I had kept. What a shocker I was in for! Not only did I forget the emotion and the specifics of the relationship, but I noticed that the me of the past has not changed much in her reactions to life over the last 20 years. It was clear to me that my thoughts created my discontent. My constant looking forward, my constant seeking of “more”, and my feelings of inadequacy and lack drove me into despair time and time again. And, truly, I am such a drama queen!

As if to hit it all home, I had a distinctly synchronistic message come to me ahead of this realization. One morning, before my walk with our dog Monty, my attention was pulled to a cartoon my children were watching, Gravity Falls. If you don’t know about it, you should check it our because it has a lot of deeper meaning to include time travel, alternate realities, inter-dimensional travel and symbolism. In this one particular episode the main characters recognize that they had all been chosen to play specific roles. I saw that they wore symbols and, at the exact moment I was drawn to pay attention, the question mark symbol came into view. It was frozen in my memory. 

Later, as I returned from my walk, I looked down and saw clearly in the asphalt the outline of a perfectly shaped question mark. I paused, knowing it was no coincidence, and time seemed to pause briefly. I wondered what it meant as I turned and saw the stop sign ahead of me. I thought, “Stop questioning.” Hmmm

In putting two and two together, it was clear to me that most, if not all my self-created problems, were the result of my constant questioning. In my early years of awakening, my guides would tell me, “You’re asking the wrong questions.” I had always thought I needed to formulate my questions better, but in this moment I thought, perhaps, the real message was that I needed to stop questioning so as to not be pulled into the inevitable paradox that resulted. The Knowing process is not a mental one anyway, it is a spiritual one. Knowing is not questioning. Knowing is Knowledge that is derived from our Higher Selves, from our Core, from Source. 

And, of course, one of the things I noticed from my journal is that it was FULL of questions. I would ask so many and write the answers. Half or more of the answers I received about my own future never came to pass. So often I would catch myself laughing at my own naivety. My journal was full of examples of the snares I set for myself. It was obvious I was looking for adventure, for something magical and exciting to save me from my boring and very mundane existence. I imbued everything – every experience, every dream, every synchronicity, every thought – with significance and meaning. And then I would fight against that significance and meaning to create a masterpiece of a storyline and keep myself entertained.

The most humbling part of this realization is that I continue to do this to this day. I have shifted somewhat, yes, and matured despite my own self-sabotage, but in general I continue as always, a creature of habit, as we all are. 

But I am human after all.

Ultimately, I recognize that through all of this, the lesson is to learn to embrace the moment, to accept what IS. It is something one must practice daily until it becomes a new habit. It isn’t easy, either. Life has a way of making us forget (as I mentioned earlier). The quicksand will suffocate you if you fight it. Allow and you will remain above the surface. 

All of this goes hand-in-hand with gratitude. If you sit in acceptance of your life you feel nothing but gratitude. That gratitude is instantly lost when you compare the present moment with the past or the future. When one is truly in the present moment, the mind is quiet and you are filled with a presence that swells with gratitude. And if you allow that gratitude to grow by focusing solely upon it, something altogether greater is felt: Bliss.

Stop Questioning. Surrender. Accept. BE.

BEing, surrendering, accepting doesn’t mean you stop living. The moment is fluid and so must you be to remain within it. There is no DOing until the moment brings it into BEing. This is where the practice of Noticing is needed. You Notice an opening as the flow shifts subtly and then, in that moment, either choose to flow with it or continue to observe it. This choice is not made in the mind. It is automatic, made by the Higher Self. Once that moment is gone, it is gone. And that is OK. The Higher Self Knows and chooses in accordance with its purpose. There is no point in questioning that for it just IS. 

And with all the above Knowingness, I realize it was brought to me by a simple request, but one I have made time and time again with spotty results. The request was, “I want to feel the Bliss all the time.” Well, now we know how, don’t we? 

As if to further demonstrate, I had a night full of dreams where all I felt was Bliss. Not the raging, volcanic Kundalini kind of Bliss but the full body, tingling with Love kind. My favorite. It revealed to me my True Self, the one that I often find myself being when I am OOB or in a lucid state. I am pure Joy and wish nothing more than to share it with others, for when I am with others that Joy is amplified.