I consistently hear that Self-Projected Projectors (SPPs) need to use their voice (speak out loud) to find clarity. I’d always thought that my journal writing and blogging was as good as using my actual voice but am beginning to second guess this. The more I read the experiences of other SPP’s, the more I’m reminded of times when I did use my voice and how it made me feel when I used it.

This morning I read a comment in an SPP group. The person suggested to the original poster that they should have someone not only available to listen but also to ask questions. The questions are perhaps the most important since it is through questions that deeper clarity is gained.

When I read this comment I was transported to memories of times when I had an interested audience who asked questions for clarification. In all instances, whether spiritual or otherwise, when I spoke it was a surprise to me what came out. It was so wise and Knowing! My closest friends knew this about me and would frequently ask me questions to pull the knowledge out. Every time this occurred I would feel wonderful and….successful.

I thoroughly enjoyed it for a while, until the information no longer flowed. Why was that? Perhaps it is because I have no one to listen or ask questions anymore? Even my blog has seemingly gone flat with fewer views, likes and comments. Without that interaction the inspiration doesn’t flow and neither does the information and Knowing.

The few times someone has been available to listen, I’ve become so emotional that I struggle to speak. My throat closes up and this pressure feels to build until it is almost unbearable. The emotion has to be released. Without an outlet the emotion becomes stuck, blocked and stagnant.

The people in the SPP group have various methods of using their voice, mostly apps for voice recordings and journaling. These methods have never appealed to me. Why is that? It doesn’t feel safe to me. I think it is because I am surrounded by my family most all the time but also because, growing up, I was judged and criticized for using my voice to speak my truth. The more acceptable method was singing but, again, only sometimes.

I’ve tried creating videos but these don’t appeal to me either. I’m too critical of how I look. I judge my appearance harshly and feel that others will immediately judge me for how I speak, look or act as well as for what I share. Watching myself on video makes me cringe. Hearing myself isn’t much better.

It is when I speak with another in-person that I feel most comfortable. Groups of people are also comfortable, but only if they all show an interest in what I have to say. In other words, only if there is an invitation given.

If I think back on those moments when my spiritual experiences and Kundalini were at the most amazing and awe-inspiring, it was because someone was there to listen, someone who wanted to hear what I had to say, who was interested in me and my truth, and who encouraged me to share by asking questions. Without them I wonder if I would’ve had any breakthroughs at all? Maybe but not nearly as many.

So how do I proceed from here? How do I put myself in a situation where there are others willing to listen without judgement and who eagerly ask the right questions?

Perhaps I will try to out the apps mentioned in the group just to see if it works. Right now I know that what I have been doing is no longer working. I’m blocked emotionally and tired of feeling numb. The emotion is there, I know it is, but without someone to ask the right questions, will recording myself work?

As I wrote that last question I heard from within the quiet Voice that has always been there and Knew instantly that the questions are available if I listen for them. In fact, throughout this lifetime that Voice has asked me questions, nudging me forward, taking me deeper, pushing me into action when the time was right.

Still, though, I think the time has come for me to start slowly emerging from my hermitage. Alone is great until it isn’t. The problem is, I don’t.want.to (picture stubborn child hiding in the corner). Someone will have to lure me out of hiding with something irresistible. Until then, I guess I will try talking out loud to myself and see if it helps. Hopefully no one overhears me (gawd). lol