Another mediumship experience to share.

Target

I had to venture into Target again despite swearing I would stay away. Many of the big stores are going to pure self-checkout. They have few actual cashiers and I hate self-checkout. My favorite Target is now remodeled and no matter what time of day I visit there are way more people in there than I would like. It is just crowded now. 

I did my shopping singing a little song to myself to make myself feel better about all the sleep-walking people around me. When I got to the cashier line there were two cashiers to pick from (rare). I picked the lady I am familiar with. She always recognizes me and smiles, genuinely happy to see me. 

As usual we chatted as she checked me out. She’s older, maybe 70, and has similar views to my own about the city we live in and the changes going on around us. This time she told me she had been out a couple of days. When I asked why, she said she had been sick. Her son died on Labor Day and she has been struggling. She said she was the one who discovered his body. She went on to say she has been emptying his apartment in a rush to avoid paying another month’s rent and the landlord was nice enough to release them from paying for breaking the lease. She also relayed to me that she has his dog which offers her some comfort. Ultimately, her stomach was giving her problems so she had to take time off from work. I told her the body will force us to heal if we don’t listen to it. She agreed.

On my way out of the store I began to feel the emotion and by the time I was in the parking lot I was crying. Inside my car I sobbed. The woman was not showing any heightened emotion, so I doubt I was picking up on her emotion, but maybe. My immediate thought was that her son was close, maybe even following me out of the store.

I wanted to do something to help her, to show her I cared. I thought of taking her a card the next time I visited the store, maybe slipping a $100 bill inside. “Money can’t help her” was my immediate thought. No one should have to experience the loss of their child. 

Sometime in the night I awoke to use the restroom. My mind was still fuzzy with dreams. As I entered the bathroom I received a very vivid image of people standing in my periphery. The image was tunnel-like and back lit. There was one person at the front – a man who was somewhat short and round. There were two others behind him, only shadows in my memory now. I immediately knew he was the woman’s son. I acknowledged the man briefly, only partially conscious of the dialogue. The name “John” was relayed and as I returned to bed I worried I would not get to sleep because of his presence. As soon as I had the thought he retreated. Relieved, I thanked him and returned to sleep. 

All I am left with now are remnants of our conversation. His message was only that he was concerned about his mom and wanted her to know he was okay. The top message I received from Spirit is that they are not gone, just in another place – a much better place. I remember wondering how I could help. The woman didn’t ask me to connect. It was inappropriate to just tell her, “I’m a medium”. I could potentially write a note to her in the card that did not give away that I was directly communicating with her son. I remember that he told me about a song, one that was linked to him in life. I didn’t get details of the song. I was also reminded of how, when I first became aware of my gifts, I passed on messages all the time without anyone ever knowing I was directly communicating with Spirit. Perhaps I did already when I told the lady that I am sure her son is happy to know his dog is with her. Saying that made the woman smile. Perhaps it gave her a moment of relief? I hope so.

Mediumship

One of the most difficult parts of mediumship for me is the emotion. If the connection is strong I am usually overwhelmed to the point of tears. When giving a reading I don’t want to be a snotty, teary mess. I can’t speak and I need to in order to pass on the messages. I will get extremely hot as the emotion hits me. Sometimes I will actually feel how the person passed from this life – their physical body symptoms. Often I cannot control the violent shivers I experience from all the energy going through me. 

I don’t have to be giving a reading to have these “symptoms” of mediumship. In fact, I think most of the time I am picking up information even though I work very hard to block it. 

Lately I have been feeling extremely numb in general, so when the emotion hit me in the parking lot yesterday it was like night and day. When considering the memory of that experience I remember hearing that it is okay to feel and to be overwhelmed (cry uncontrollably). I know I have been conditioned not to cry – it means I’m “weak/vulnerable”. I also know from my K experiences that being open and vulnerable is a good thing.

As for why all this is happening now, I suppose it is inevitable. In fact, it might be the perfect storm for such gifts to resurface. 

A long time ago now I was wide-open and didn’t mind being that way. When an opportunity presented itself to pass on a message I took it. I learned some hard lessons, though. Most people are not open to receiving. Even now, with mediumship on T.V. and more people embracing it, there is resistance and skepticism. I think the biggest misconception is that a medium is able to get a crystal clear picture of their loved ones(s) and experiences them like a person in the physical world. That is not my experience and it is difficult, sometimes impossible, to get the names and other specifics requested. I’ve had people yell (and curse) at me and their loved ones in Spirit in frustration at not getting the answers they desire. Sigh.

For now it may only be that my gift of mediumship is serving to reconnect me with myself, that part of me that feels deeply and wants only to help ease the suffering of this world. My Light can spark the Light within others.