Another good, solid sleep. 9+hrs of sleep with over an hour deep sleep. The more deep sleep I have, the more rested I feel.

Dreams

Ah, the wonderful sleep brought dreams again. This time no tears.

Lesson in Pleasure

This dream is hard to recall because it was the first of the night. The location reminded me of a place off-planet.  The space was full of little, spherical “pods” with openings in the very top, center, like portholes or something. Inside each pod was a living space with bed, all white. I could see from both inside the pod and outside, my perspective shifting based upon what I was thinking/saying/hearing. The conversation was mostly telepathic, though I do recall thinking words. Someone was telling me how to get back the ability to pleasure myself, as if I had forgotten or needed a reminder. Eventually I was attempting to do so and the more I focused, the more my perspective shifted to being on a bed inside one of the pods. I recall seeing my last name being typed out in lettering across the porthole above me. I woke up some pretty bad cramping which alarmed me somewhat. 

Wrong Order

The doorbell rang and it was the pizza delivery guy with our order. He was nice looking black man who acted a bit off, like he knew something I didn’t. He handed me a bag with a smirk and left. I took the bag inside, but then “turned around” to go back to the door. I opened it and yelled to him, “Thank you! Have a safe trip back!” He yelled back, “Thanks!”

Inside, I opened the bag and saw a long, coin shaped package. It said, “Cajun” on the side. This was the first indicator that it was not my order. I dumped the entire bag out and saw more things I didn’t order. Inside were five large cinnamon rolls in plastic wrap. Alongside them were various chocolates, also in plastic wrap. It was an odd combination and I thought for sure some person was upset about missing their unusual order. I figured it was probably some college student, likely male. I considered calling the pizza place but was too lazy to bother. I knew that once delivered they would not take back the order I received. 

When I woke from this dream I thought, “Sweet and Spicy” was the message. I had ordered pizza, which symbolizes wholeness, but received sweet treats, which symbolize pleasure and enjoying the good things in life. I also got Cajun seasoning, which symbolizes a desire to spice up life. My reaction to the wrong order was curiosity. I didn’t reject it outright like I might have done in real life because I can’t stand eating anything super spicy. Cajun food is NOT my style. I think too much heat/spice drowns out the food’s flavor. Anyway, the dreams suggests I am starting to accept that my original order (wholeness) will not be provided at this time. Instead I am being offered a “sweet and spicy” alternative.

Turn Around

This is the third day of seeing the message “Turn around” in my blogging. It began as a song message after a vivid night of dreaming and ever since then I’ve been seeing it when I recount my dreams. In the dreams I blog, the words “turn around” tend to pop up at least once because I physically turn around in a dream.

The message has been on my mind as I try to figure out what exactly was meant. Is it that I hit a dead end on this path and now have to turn back? Is it that I need to change my mind about the direction I am going? Or is it that I need to see something I missed that is now behind me? 

Yesterday, I thought it might mean that I need to go back to when there was a juncture in my life and reconsider the direction I took. You know how sometimes you take a trail (hiking) and suddenly find that you went the wrong way, so you turn back to find the wrong turn so you can take the right one? That is how it feels. When did I start to venture on the wrong path, though? 

I considered briefly another vision I had recently. It was of my blog header online. The body of the blog was completely blank. The feeling I got was that I had run out of things to write. My inspiration gone. My spiritual path had hit a dead end. With this I considered abandoning blogging.

Recently, I had a request for channeling services. There was a link to a psychic channeling website in the blank part of the form where the question is asked, “What service are you requesting?” I visited the website, worried the person got my name from it. I have never registered with such a site. I didn’t find my name there but it gave me a bad feeling. I waited a day to let the feeling settle and ultimately told the woman I am taking a break and couldn’t help her. Later, the reading request kept coming to mind and I allowed myself to feel into the feelings that came up. I felt “done” with that part of my life. I have no desire to give readings, do healing or channel. I honestly don’t think I ever will again. 

So, I am editing my website with a message on my Services page that I no longer offer any services. I may actually let my domain expire altogether, but that will be in 2 years. WP expires in a year.

It feels like the “turn around” message is that I need to reconsider my path. It feels like I have gone as far as I can on the one I’ve been on. So, where do I want to go now? What direction feels right to me? I wish it were as easy as just choosing a different trail because then a path is just there, visible and available if I want it. Currently, I see nothing but the same path. I guess I am in the process of heading back to the juncture. Hopefully, when I get there, it is easy to see the direction I need to go.

Maybe, for now, I am just retracing my steps back to the last juncture? Where/when was that? My guess is it might be as long ago as my Saturn Return, when I had my spiritual awakening and began to travel the path of spiritual adventures. I only think this because my desire to give readings of any kind has dwindled to nothing. Also, my spiritual experiences have followed suit. The K has calmed down to almost nothing, my OBEs and lucid experiences have been nearly nonexistent, and I feel like I’ve been forced to focus on the mundane, boring BS of life. There is nothing else but the mundane.

It does seem like my guidance has been nudging me to look at this physical reality and figure out what I want to do with my time left in it. The question keeps coming up, asking me to look at what is available to me and pick something of interest. My struggle is that so little interests me. It feels like as long as I remain undecided, stuff that is negative or unwanted will be thrown at me. For example, the on-going family drama and karmic BS between my mother and my drug-addict sister.

At this point, I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my spiritual adventures are behind me. I don’t know how much more of this life I have left but, however long, I need to figure out what I want to do with it. This has been the story of my life it seems. I rarely know what I want to do (HD 1-8 Channel = mostly not-knowing). My motivation is poor (Projector). Something eventually comes up (suddenly Knowing), usually unexpectedly, and my life shifts accordingly. This is when the “path” will show itself. Until then, I just trudge along the path until what I am looking for comes into view.

I hate not-Knowing all the time. It sucks. The Knowing is amazing, though, when it finally happens.