Monthly Archives: June 2023

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Dream Encounter

Slept okay with lots of dreams. Had an interesting dream encounter, also.

Dream: Find Your Family

I received a call informing me of something that seemed important. I can’t recall what it was or who called, but it felt like a bank called me. 

Then I was taken to a large office-like building. Inside were lots of random people, none I recognized. A person approached me and asked me some questions about certain people, bringing up names and asking me if I knew them, etc. One name I recognized as my husband’s family but my description of her did not match theirs. Overall, it felt like an interrogation and I was becoming nervous and suspicious because I didn’t understand why I was there.

Eventually I was informed that everyone there was part of an ancestry project that reunited families that had been separated. A person announced to everyone,”Find your family”. I stood confused for a moment and then stepped aside as others began to form small groups. A handful of others and myself stood separate from the others. We looked at each other questioningly. I remember saying, “I don’t have one [a family].” The others with me nodded in agreement- neither did they. 

One man approached the person in charge, demanding to know what was going on. I moved away, towards the front door, thinking I would just leave. When I got to the door it had a large, silver electronic lock on it. I wasn’t going anywhere. I leaned up against the window looking out, not really concerned. Then the man, having not gotten any answers, wandered over to the door also. He looked at the lock and then at me and said, “I guess we’re stuck here.” He seemed angry.

Dream Encounter

The next thing I know I am sitting in the front seat of a pickup truck. There is a man to my left. We are sitting quite close and it feels very intimate. In front of us is my youngest son. He is moving around quite freely as if the truck has unlimited space. I notice his hair is out of place so I reach out and comb it in place. Then he shows me his finger saying he lost the ring. I can see a green spot where the ring use to sit. It seems like he had been wearing a cheap ring on it for a while. 

The whole time I am sitting with this man who feels very familiar. In fact, he feels like someone I know in real life. While I am interacting with my son, I lean into this man and hug him tight. When finished hugging him I don’t move but stay close, laying in his arms. 

The man brings up “cold hands and feet” for some reason. I suddenly feel very concerned because I often have cold, clammy hands. Will he reject me because of it? I reply truthfully to him that I often have cold hands and feet but lately they have been warmer than usual. He doesn’t seem to judge me for it and stretches out his bare feet and wiggles his toes as if to emphasize the “cold feet” part. Then he reaches out and takes my hand in his own. He comments that my hand is not cold at all. I relax, relieved. 

We remain holding hands, laying in each others arms. He is quite tall, so his chest and torso are above my head. Yet I can look up at him easily. I feel suddenly very nervous because I can sense the energy shifting. I worry he wants to kiss me. I look up and he looks back at me. He says to me, “That’s funny, is that stabs on your eyes?” I think my mind shifts the words a bit because I immediately look away, self-conscious of something on my face. But I look back almost immediately when I hear his words because I am confused. Did he say “Stabs” or “Scabs”? And on my eyes??

When I look back at him all I see are his eyes. They are golden with specks of yellow and the pupils are pinpricks; barely visible. It is like his eyes are a precious stone like tiger’s eye or yellow jasper. I am instantly pulled into them. I recognize something in his eyes. At the same time, a very odd feeling hits me in the high heart, that spot just above the heart chakra but just below the throat chakra. It feels like I am hit with lightening but at the same time an energy comes back out that feels so strange, so unfamiliar, that it wakes me up.

Messages

As I wake I begin to sob. The emotion just pours out of me but I have no idea why. I don’t feel any specific emotion, yet I am crying. And that odd feeling in my high heart is still lingering. It doesn’t feel bad but it feels….strange. I have felt all kinds of Kundalini energy but this, this was beyond strange! It felt like something was both going into me and being sucked out of me at the same time.

And those eyes. OMG! They weren’t human.

Still sensing his presence, I ask him, “Who are you?” He replies, “I am you.” This is a familiar response, and something about it causes me to fall instantly into Knowing. This is something I have experienced before but practically forgot. How could I forget? 

He asks me, “Why are you sad?” And another wave of emotion pours out of me. Now wide awake and sobbing into my pillow, I try to answer him, but really, I have no idea. However, part of my answer was, “I feel lost” and “I don’t feel like I belong.”

The entire time I was getting visuals of him still holding my hand and messages such as, “We love you” and “You are not alone.” All familiar. 

I am reminded of a vision received not long ago. I saw a watch laying on the floor followed by a flash of something else, I think the entrance or exit to a pool of water,  indicating endings and beginnings. The song, It’s Time came to mind. This song has recently been repeating. I Knew the watch = “It’s time” and the water = “To begin”. 

Another song, Wake Me Up Inside, has also been coming to mind.

Interpretation

The first dream seems to reflect my feelings of not belonging. I am there to find my family but have none. I feel trapped amongst strangers (door is locked). 

The encounter dream is sending me a message about “cold feet”. It is pretty obvious now, but in the dream I was too preoccupied with concerns that I would cause the man not to like me to notice. 

The green ring marks on the boys hands are probably a message about Union or marriage or something similar. Rings that leave green marks are not genuine so perhaps it symbolizes a relationship that is not genuine? I still haven’t figured it out yet. 

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Message: Wounded

After the dream message, “Just let go”, I began to wonder if maybe I don’t truly understand what it means to let go. And I wondered, “Let go of what?” I searched it and found several articles. This was a good one – How to Let Go and Free Yourself.

I recognized that maybe what I am holding onto is past hurt and disappointment. Holding onto these things is not helping me move forward or be present in the Now. The problem with some of that hurt and disappointment is that my life is filled with people who continue to hurt and disappoint me. How do I let go of hurt and disappointment by these people if I still live and interact with them daily? Knowing I should have no expectations is easy. Doing it, difficult!

Then there is the trauma I experienced with the heart connection. It has skewed my outlook on life and increased my bitterness tenfold. The hurt and decimation I experienced has been difficult to move through.

At the time of the heart connection I was going through a major Kundalini rising and had several K-events before, during and after. I came to see myself as special for these experiences – and I was – but then those experiences died alongside the heart connection. Now I am back to being just ordinary and left floundering about, trying to figure out what I am suppose to do. Who am I?

This morning I was awakened by a message. It came via a vision of a word being written in my mind, one letter at a time. The word was: Wounded. It was written in white, cursive letters on a light blue background.

This confirmed that to let go, I need to inspect my wounds, acknowledge and accept them as a part of me – my battle scars – but not allow them to define me.  

As I lingered in bed I had a memory from my childhood that gave me pause. As a little girl of probably 6-7 years old, I use to wonder, “What is love? What does love feel like?” These questions came up often as I grew, too. In fact, they were frequently on my mind. I truly didn’t know, based upon my own feelings and what I’d observed and experienced in my life, what love was. 

I think these questions came about as a result of the experiences I had with my mother and siblings early on. My mother could be very loving and cuddly, but more frequently she was quite mean and ruthless. Surely love wasn’t physical and emotional abuse, ridicule and humiliation? Not only that, but my siblings never seemed to show a consistent love for me either. In fact, I felt less from them than my mother. And my father? He was completely distant and unreachable for the most part. Being myself often resulted in rejection but being what (I thought) they wanted me to be did, too. So confusing!

I remember deciding at one point that I must love someone if when I thought of them dying it made me sad. I think I was a teenager or pre-teen when I decided that was what love was and felt like. Still, though, something about that answer didn’t feel right. 

Perhaps I have been on a quest to learn what love is this entire life? It seems so. Have I figured it out? Not exactly. I am closer to understanding it, though. For certain, the human definition of love is not the same as the Divine type. Human love is riddled with expectation and as a result can be withheld and taken away at will. Human love can be horribly cruel and destructive. Divine love is consistent and flows through everyone and everything. It is not withheld or taken away. Everything about Divine Love acknowledges and accepts the individual AS THEY ARE. Sadly, the human experience and conditioning can and most often does block us from receiving this kind of love. So human love has trumped the Divine kind. 

My experience of Divine Love and then the seeming loss of it has scarred me. I don’t like human love and don’t want to participate in any of it. Yet that is all that surrounds me. Human love is so riddled with expectation that I feel like I am on an obstacle course in every relationship I have, trying hard not to get knocked down by the sudden realization that, for each person, I am not enough and never will be. 

Then I thought of my completely open solar plexus in Human Design. I have absolutely no defined way of experiencing emotion, love included. I can be completely devoid of feeling/emotion or I feel it all to the point of overwhelm. Mostly I am neutral. This often causes other people to think of me as cold and unfeeling. They often feel my neutrality as rejection, especially those with defined solar plexuses. Sadly, I will never know what they know in this life because I do not have the means to. Love will be a mystery until I die. As will all the other emotions. 

On the bright side, having a completely open solar plexus frees me from emotional decision-making. Well, I am free only if I avoid being pulled into others emotions and letting those emotions sway me. Unfortunately, others do not see my decision-making as good if I disregard emotion, mine and others.

The message of me being “wounded” is likely linked to my openness (HD). So much conditioning, so much confusion on my part as I try to navigate life and constantly run into people who pull me one way or the other. I am meant to flow but how do I maintain flow when I am being pulled in so many directions? Do I just ignore what feelings I have all the time, remaining neutral throughout? I don’t want to just be trampled all the time, yet that is how I feel. I feel powerless almost all the time. It is no wonder I am always trying in vain to control things – anything to help me feel more sane.

I recognize that we come here to navigate the obstacle course called life. It is a “game”. Sadly, I feel I have been knocked down so much I don’t want to play the game anymore. Why get back up only to be knocked back down? I’ve gotten to the point that even the simplest life problems take a huge toll on me. The tiniest amount of effort exhausts me (emotionally mostly, but also physically at times). 

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Lucid Dream: Just Let Go

Yesterday afternoon, I was driving my daughter home from a friend’s house. I had just merged onto the highway and came to another entrance ramp and had to slow to let a truck merge. Something fell out of the truck and rolled in a crumpled heap on the road. At first I thought it was a squirrel but it jumped up, very much alive and well, and it was a kitten! It ran into the grassy median. The truck must’ve seen it, braked hard and drove through the median and onto the feeder road going the wrong way. Both myself and my daughter were relieved the kitten had survived.

While this may seem like a coincidental happening, I don’t believe it was and I will reveal why later.

Then, last night I had a fleeting thought about how my sleep no longer feels like the reprieve it once did. I no longer look forward to sleep nor do I look forward to writing in my blog or journal because of it. Then came a thought of, “This is about the time something normally happens.” “Something” meaning an OBE, lucid dream, K dream or guide visit (or all of the above). 

Lucid Dream: Just Let Go

I suddenly became aware of traveling inside a car. I was floating inside, not sitting, and the details of the actual car were missing. It was more like a huge, confined space. I felt someone with me but didn’t see him. I thought of him as Tom Cruise (lol). He directed my attention to an open moon roof above me. I think he suggested I go out and my mind responded with uncertainty. There was a feeling of being told that I should take the risk, that’s what Tom would do. 

So, I went through the window. My thoughts were focused on what could happen with the main scenario being that I would float and not fall. Sure enough, I floated over the moving car and it sped ahead. Below I could see the road, above a blue sky and around me tall trees. 

I flew forward as I continued to talk with the man in my mind. My vision was clear as I flew, but I was mostly looking inward so my memory of the scenery is limited to flashes of imagery. Eventually, I came to some structures and flew through them one by one. Fully expecting to feel the fibers and constructions of the objects, I braced myself, but only felt an interruption in energy and lost my vision briefly. Some structures took longer to fly through than others. The more objects I passed through, the less tense I was. 

At one point, as I was flying and practicing moving through objects, I began to focus on my breathing, taking deep, purposeful breaths. The whole time I was talking with the man who I never once saw but perceived to be flying beside me.

Eventually, I paused and just floated a while, still taking deep breaths. I close my eyes and flipped upside down and then spun around. This also made me feel a bit worried but I reassured myself that however I landed would be right side up. Still spinning, a song-like chant began to go through my mind. It was a woman’s voice singing, “Just let go….Just let go…Just let go….” I began to sing along with her, my breathing deepening. The sensations of floating and slowly spinning was pleasant but I knew I was gaining lucidity quickly because I began to have awareness of my physical body, specifically breathing and the sensations of my closed eyes.

In the background, behind the main chant-like message of “Just let go”, another song was playing in my mind. It was Imagine Dragons, It’s Time. 

It’s time to begin, isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was
Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am

As I grew more lucid and right before I opened my physical eyes, I saw visuals of symbols flying at me at high speed and then disappearing into me, as if being absorbed. I recognized them as Light Language and this was what finally woke me.

Knowing

Once awake I struggled to return to sleep. I had a familiar feeling of Knowing, something I haven’t felt in a long time, and when I thought about the dream I received tingling energy hugs that spread from the center of my back to my front in waves. 

Besides the more obvious messages of the songs, I Knew the dream practice of going through objects contained a message. The objects represented moments in life where I would run into obstacles and temporarily lose sight of the path ahead. I would also experience an interruption in energy. This interruption and loss of vision had the potential to throw me off kilter but was temporary. I remember distinctly knowing that “Tom” said to me when I got to the other side of one of the objects, “You are the same now as you were before.” This is probably where the Imagine Dragons song came from. This message was loud and clear as I lay in bed contemplating the experience. It is true. Every obstacle I encounter in life has the tendency to throw me off for a while. I lose sight of my path and the energy feels all wrong. Eventually, though, I get to the other side and when I do I am exactly as I was before but perhaps with more courage and insight.

There was also a distinct reminder that I am a walk-in. Not long ago, on May 29, I had a dream in which I was reminded of this fact, too.

“I saw an older Asian woman sitting, legs extended on a large bed covered in nice linens. She said, “Come. Sit on my lap.” I hesitated, not knowing who she was or why she would ask such a thing. She patted her lap encouragingly, so I climbed up onto the bed with her. I said, “I am too big.” She patted her lap again and so I climbed onto her lap. She asked, “What is bothering you?” I suddenly felt very much like a small child in her grandmother’s lap. Sadness and grief swept over me and I replied, “I wish I were Home.” I burst into tears and woke up. 

The conversation with the woman continued after I woke despite my trying to return to sleep. The conversation details are mostly lost to me now. The main thing I recall is that I Remembered all at once and Knowing returned. To summarize, I remembered that I was a walk-in and had been integrating for quite a long time.“

After the above dream I still doubted the walk-in because memory of those times seems like a dream; like it wasn’t real and never happened. The return of Light Language symbols in this dream seemed to scream, “Remember who you are.” 

Dream: No Ordinary Guide

I managed to return to sleep and had another telling dream. In the dream I was with my friend Angela and a man who I didn’t recognize. He was young and black and quite attractive. We were sitting at a table discussing hair and he said he was growing his out. I asked if he planned to grow an afro again and he said yes with a big smile. I told him he looked good with it and also that he was very attractive and if I were his age I would date him. lol I then reminisced about my youth for a bit.

The discussion shifted to the spiritual and guides. I ended up channeling a guide who I thought was Angela’s but turned out to be my own. The young black man would ask me questions and I would answer them. I also had a blind fold over my eyes and kept it there for quite a long time. 

What I most recall about this guide was he was no ordinary guide. When I described his purpose it was quite profound. I wish I can recall the exact words now! In summary, though, he was not a typical guide but one sent to assist in ascension specifically. That was his only purpose. My sense in the dream was that he was “one of those guides” as in the kind I use to encounter that often resembled ETs or ascended masters. 

Eventually I took off my mask and drove my friend to her appointment. I got lost, though, and we ended up arriving late and the hair dresser wouldn’t do her hair. My friend asked me to color her hair and I agreed and the dream ended. 

Back to the Kitten….

The evening of the walk-in dream (May 29th) I had a short dream about a kitten. Cats and kittens symbolically represent the Divine Feminine, at least for me. I don’t like cats so dreams about cats and kittens are not because of my love for them. So, when they make an entrance I pay attention.

“Then I watched as a new, fluffy, orange kitten was being introduced to a house that had two adult cats, one male and the other female. The kitten was first introduced to the female, a calico, who initially hissed at it but then began to mother it. Then it was introduced to the male who immediately liked it. They both treated it like their own and someone commented that the kitten reminded the cats of their own kittens who had long been given away.“

When I woke from the above above dream, the Asian woman from the earlier dream sent me a vision.

“I was reminded that it was time to step into my role; who I was to become (or something like that). I saw at this time a large, gold embellished picture frame with no picture inside as a visual of the message. It felt like I was to create what would be displayed in the frame. I knew it was a picture of myself that was meant to go there.” 

I don’t think it coincidence that I saw the kitten fall out of the truck and survive on the highway. It is too “coincidental ” that I had a walk-in reminder dream right after.