I had a dream last night followed by some messages.

In the dream, I was the owner of a business that appeared like two businesses in one – restaurant and medical clinic specifically. I remember the business was closing in three days. I was upset and rushing around trying to get things sorted. On the day of the closing, my SIL visited and noticed my upset. She suggested I do art with her. She showed me a new method she was using that involved using tape. The tape was stuck in horizontal lines on the canvas. She gave me a brush as she painted and invited me to paint alongside her. As I did, I felt like she was counseling me but I can’t remember now what was said. I just remember the colors and how the color I painted changed when it touched the canvas. The result was a rainbow-like painting. As I looked at the colors I began to cry. It woke me. I remember my thoughts from the dream had been about loss and not knowing what I was suppose to do now.

When I returned to sleep, I had a brief dream of carrying two very heavy weights, one in each hand. I was pulled out of my reverie by a voice asking me to “put one down”. 

Awake, I recognized the message was in letting go. In dropping the weight, I could better handle the other weight. 

I lingered in the in-between for a bit and a male guide was speaking with me. What I mostly remember is being told that if I wanted to lessen the noise of the world, I must first lessen the noise in my mind. 

As I woke, a Cranberries song was going over and over in my head, “In your head, in your head….”

My understanding of the dream and later messages was that I can fight the change, the death of my old life specifically, or I can allow it and embrace the new beginning awaiting me. The heavy weights being carried symbolize burdens I carry through life. If I release one, I can more easily carry the other one(s). My guess is that the other weight is my sister and the continued issues she is causing in the family, specifically with our mother. 

And the message about the noise of the world is a reminder that my perception of the world is directly impacted by my thoughts. 

I also woke up thinking that to completely let go of the weight will involve more than just the divorce. It feels like I should step away from my job. The thing is that I really like my job, especially the WFH aspect! I like that it doesn’t involve a lot of people and their emotions. It is just numbers and math. Yet my dream suggested that I am here to be of service to others (restaurant and medical clinic). Funny enough I just told my daughter that I’ve always felt my purpose here is “to help”. She told me I was helping her (so sweet!). She has been being very needy lately, asking to go on walks with me, telling me about her problems/day/life, etc. Her suggestion to me was to go back to teaching or counseling. Sigh.

It was difficult to wake up feeling what I did in the dream – uncertainty, trepidation. To not know what lies ahead, to feel without purpose or a calling, is tough. I told my daughter I feel much like she must be feeling right now as she is about to leave the nest and embark on a new life (adventure?). 

Also, I want to mention that I’ve had some interesting thoughts filter through into my awareness lately. Sometimes they seem like memories, other times they are conversations I am having with my guidance or council, at least that is what I think they are. I have heard myself tell them how difficult this (life) is, how difficult it is to occupy this body, etc. and heard their replies. The conversations are similar to the ones I had years ago when I was experiencing walk-in phenomena. I had pushed all thoughts of that (the walk-in) out of my mind. Yet to stumble upon these conversations in my awareness has me Remembering again and wondering about it all. Have I just been playing out the role of the walk-out all these years? Just writing this makes me feel a bit crazy. But, if I remember correctly, I think I wrote about the (this) exact process in my Walk-in Life blog…..

Update: The final hearing with the judge via zoom will happen on Jan. 3, 2025.