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Let it All Out

It has been a very difficult past few days. It was so difficult for me that I decided yesterday never to write in my blog again. I just couldn’t, for so many reasons. Then this morning I awoke feeling a bit better, though not completely.

My main reason for not writing is because I feel I cannot share some things on here that are crucial components to what is going on with me. They are deeply personal and not just mine. To share them would be a like a type of betrayal, but even this is hard to for me  to understand and I struggle with understanding it myself. I feel it is not beneficial to me or anyone else to share these parts of my journey because I do not understand them and I am not sure I will ever fully understand them. Yet it is so much a part of what is happening to me now that I feel unable to proceed without including it. It is a puzzle piece that, if left out, would make my story incomplete and meaningless.

Yet even as I write this I cannot, will not share it with you all. I am sorry. I just can’t. This is why I am reluctant to write in my blog now, for what do I write now if I cannot write about all of mySelf and my experiences? Anything I write would be totally lacking and incomplete.

The whole purpose of this blog is to help others on the same journey; to assist them by sharing with them my own journey so they know they are not alone and maybe get some comfort from that. Yet, at this point, I feel unable to share fully my own journey. There is just so much tied up in it that I can’t make sense of and I worry about the potential far-reaching effects.

What I Will Share

I will share with you what I have been going through the last few days, but because of the personal nature and backstory that I don’t feel can be shared, it may leave you with many questions. I know it leaves me with questions and I know the whole story!

On the morning of the 21st I lost my heart connection. Actually, I felt to have lost all connection. There came with this loss a feeling of dread, like something was there that I didn’t want to look at or confront but had to. I avoided it but it threw me into disarray for the rest of the day.

That evening I blew up on my husband for no reason. It shocked him enough to keep the kids away and let me be. I retreated to a hot bath and cried and cried and cried. It was like my entire soul was just pouring out through my eyes. Afterward I was so completely exhausted that I went to bed at 8pm.

I had dreams of going through levels of rainbows of color. There were five levels and each one poured over me. I don’t recall much else but I feel I received intense healing and adjustment. When I woke at 3am I was beside myself with grief again. I must have relaxed at some point because I was awakened by a huge amount of energy moving up from my legs and enveloping me in a warm energy hug that made me want to fall asleep. I heard, “We are with you” right before I fell back to sleep.

I ended up having an in-depth OBE for the next two to three hours. At the end of the OBE I forgot who I was and it sent me into a panic trying to figure it out. This is what ultimately woke me.

When I awoke I still felt horrible. The main feeling I could contact was that I had gotten a chance to experience Home and it had been pulled out from under me. Why would I get such a wonderful experience only to have it taken from me? Why would I do that to myself? What was I thinking!?

I spent the entire day on and off crying. The next day was the same except that I was outside in the sun every chance I could get. I would go from a calm, quiet to an overflowing of emotion and then back again. It was exhausting and not normal for me. I have never felt such intense grief in my life.

At one point while laying in the sun, my guide said to me:

“I understand your sorrow, I understand your pain….”

I knew the rest of it for it was a song I had written in 2002 called Beauty in the Dark. I finished the verse of the song in my head and burst out crying again.

I understand your sorrow, I understand your pain.

I want to see you smile, I want to hold your hand.

And although this place is colder and darker than where we’ve been,

I’ll take you somewhere warmer, be your light in the dark.

This morning I am better but just writing this makes me want to cry all over again. I am emotionally raw. Every emotion is so much more intense than I remember it to be and I cannot seem to contain the emotion. It just pours out of me. And I am missing my connection so very badly. I hear my guides and Team, I sense them and I still get their energy hugs but I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life. I feel like I just got here and the place I came from is so very close yet so far away at the same time.

Time to Live

This morning I knew that it was time to sort things out in my life. I don’t want to. I dread it but at the same time I could not stop myself from thinking of the things that need to be done. That is what my focus is on right now, though I am not happy about it.

I woke with this song in my head:

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Walk-In Acceptance

This morning I awoke suddenly to an intense pulling in my heart chakra. This is not new to me anymore. Seems my heart is always doing something these days. Yet this morning there was a serious feeling coming from my Team that demanded my attention. I knew instantly what was going on. I said to my Team, “I’m a walk-in.”

There’s that word again! I have not been bringing it up as much as it is coming up. I think I am just in denial of all of it. It is such a bizarre idea in and of itself and I struggle to make sense of it and how it could possibly be something I am.

Well this morning I guess my Team has had it with me and my denial and they just outright told me, “Yes, you are a walk-in.” With that I knew when it occurred – 2014 – and all the puzzle pieces began fit neatly together.

Talk

I knew I had to talk to my husband. So, I did. I explained everything to him to the best of my ability. I explained how I have been feeling, how I have changed in the last year or so. I explained what a walk-in is and that I believe I am one. I explained what it meant and what I knew was coming.

Specifically, I told him that I had been sad last night after I connected with him at the heart level. I am sad because I know I am being asked to leave. Soon. I told him it is not now. I don’t know when it will be. But I know it is coming. I am being prepared for it and so I am also preparing him and our children for it. I don’t want them to be shocked when the time comes.

Surprisingly, he reacted calmly and with admiration. He said, “You have such great confront! Most people would be squirming away from even looking.” True. Yet I don’t think he really understands.

Your-Higher-SelfThe Specifics

From what I understand (still Remembering), the walk-in began gradually. The walk-out had to prepare and was very reluctant to leave. The walk-out/walk-in should have happened years ago but the original soul kept changing her mind. Ambivalent. She was so excited about the changes leading up to her departure that she kept staying. The changes were the spiritual awakening and everything else she was experiencing. Who wouldn’t change their mind and want to stay?

It was decided that after her last child was born that she would leave. The preparations would begin during the pregnancy and continue until the exchange was complete. And so it began almost immediately, but it was slow and gradual.

When explaining it to my husband, I realized just exactly how it happened and why I didn’t really notice the changes. The walk-out has to relinquish control of the body. This is a gradual process for the two (body and soul) are firmly connected. The walk-in was present the entire time and the merging process was finally initiated. This is why there was a braid-in. Both had to be present in the body and then control of the body could be transferred. This is less traumatic and easier for the walk-out and also gives the walk-in time to adjust and observe.

The original soul is still present. I think she will be for a while. She does not want to let go and wants to see this through to a positive end. Agreements were made and contracts written that must be followed through to completion.

I knew this morning that ultimately my job will be to prepare my family for my departure. They are not part of my mission here. They were part of hers. Though I carry a deep love for them all, I do not have the attachment to them that she does. When I first recognized this detached feeling I retracted in horror from it because it was not something she would have felt; it was completely out of sync with the memories I carried of her life.

Like I told my husband, I don’t know when I will be called to leave. It will come, though. I have no doubt of it now. I explained what the call feels like to my husband and how it has manifested previously. A massive amount of energy descends from above and I feel HUGE and full of clarity and knowingness. I just know what to do and I do not hesitate to do it. This happened when I agreed to sell our old home and move away from my family. I knew a contract with my mom had come to a conclusion and I was free to leave. There was massive amounts of relief along with sadness. The conflicting emotions didn’t make sense to me then but now they do. The old me, still very present, was grieving, the new me was excited to move on.

Preparation 

The body has to be prepared for the walk-in soul. The vibration of the walk-in is much higher and could result in major physical difficulties or even death (at the extreme). My experiences in 2014 up until just recently are evidence of the necessary upgrades.

Simultaneously, I was traveling in my sleep and meeting up with my soul family. These kinds of connections are evident in my journal entries as well. That is why I was asked to review them.

It all makes a so much more sense to me now looking back on it all. I was told numerous times of the upcoming exchange, I just didn’t understand what it really meant and I thought the end result would be different – that I would be somehow changed overnight and be someone else. It is not like that at all. I retain everything from the walk-out – the memories, the experiences, the feelings. I am still her on so many levels but at the same time I’m not. The exchange will not be 100% complete until I have fulfilled all her soul contracts and agreements. Until then, I am bound by them as she was. Once I finish what she started I will be free to join up with my family (soul group) who is waiting for me. I feel the pull from my soul family intensly. It doesn’t ever go away. I miss them.

What is the most difficult for me right now is the reconciliation of what was and what will be. My Team, so very serious this morning, left me with a message. They kept repeating, “Remember you are loved. We love you.” This was said multiple times. As I continue to process everything I am Remembering, I understand why they would say this. What lies ahead will not be easy and I will need to remember I am loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Surprise! You are Love

I just unexpectedly got a taste of what living from the heart means on a very personal level. I am sitting here flooded with energy yet again. Literally shaking. This time it was from an interaction with my own husband. Talk about surprise. Ha!

I don’t often share personal things on this blog. My old one was different – almost too personal. I swore I would not go there in this one, but it seems that is the direction I am being taken.

I have been, for a while, distancing from my husband. Why, I am not sure. Perhaps I am afraid of something or worried I will get too caught up to ever get out. Whatever the reason, our intimacy is practically nil. This also happened in my last marriage. I assumed I was a jinx. Maybe I am not capable?

Tonight I realized that I have never really made love. Never. I know, sad, right? But what I mean is that I never allowed myself to connect through my heart in intimate situations. I am told I was too blocked, so it was not possible. I am told this is the case with the majority of people on Earth. We have learned that sex is via the sexual organs. That’s it. What a crock of shit.

I discovered quite by accident what intimacy really is, can be. It scared me and my solar plexus knotted up horribly. Oh well. I learned what I needed to learn. I am capable of so much more than I realize. The love I am is all-encompassing. I thought I had no love for my husband anymore, yet there it was, blazing out of my chest! Where did that come from? 🙂

I can’t get the energy to settle now. It is similar to when I use to give mediumship readings. Like Spirit is knock, knock, knocking. I feel a sort of sadness despite learning such a marvelous lesson. I don’t understand it.

We are Source. We just forgot. I am Remembering and it is blowing my mind. Or should I say it is blowing my heart mind. 😉

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Making Connections

I felt the urge to review my other blog yesterday in between the powerful bliss episodes I experienced.

I have mentioned in other posts that I am a gridworker.  The region of the U.S. where I do most of my work is in the southeast, specifically Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, and sometimes Mississippi and South Carolina. Well, in my review of 2014 I discovered I have been traveling to this area for some time. I specifically mention traveling to Tennessee.

Below are a couple of intense experiences that I wrote about in 2014 along with a supporting sychronistic event. There are numerous others you can read if you like but these are the ones that seemed most relevant to me, probably because they involve a similar energy to what I was experiencing at the time.

Airport Reunion – July 15, 2014

In this dream I was with some friends, though I can’t remember them now. There was a distinct feeling that I was considering doing something “wrong”. The feeling hung around and seemed to grow through the dream. I felt horribly guilty.

As the dream progressed it became obvious what I was feeling guilty about. I had been ignoring the advances of a man for some time but I had felt a huge attraction for him and eventually I gave in. Then we were a “couple” though it was not sexual. I remember also that someone said “He pursued you” and that we were going on trip to Tennessee. However, I had lied to my husband and did not tell him that I planned to continue on from Tennessee to another, more northerly state after we got to Tennessee. Nor did I tell him about the man I would secretly go away with.

When we arrived at the airport, I sat and waited with this man. I felt at peace with him and I experienced such a strong love feeling in my heart that it extended down through to my root chakra. I did experience the sexual energy of the root chakra but it was different – it was elation mixed with a spiritual passion that is hard to describe. Had I been lucid in this dream it would have caused me to cry with joy. All I wanted to do was snuggle into this man’s arms. It was the same feeling I described having with one of my guides not long ago in a post. It was as if his energy calmed and soothed me and I felt like I was reunited with a piece of me that had been missing.

As we waited at the airport a large group of people came toward us – more people than I can count. I knew them all. They had come to welcome us. I immediately was aware that my husband was among them and I saw him come through the middle, smiling. I felt so much shame at what I had done that it was overwhelming but the man I was with soothed me and I felt the wonderful flood of peace/joy flood through me. He smiled and I asked him, “I get to go Home?” and he said, “Yes”.

That is when I woke up. The feelings lingered as I woke and I was horrified because I suspected that the dream was a premonition – that I would meet someone and leave my husband. And I knew, if the man I met made me feel like I felt in the dream that I would not be able to resist. The thought of that scared me and made me feel horribly unworthy and like a traitor without having done anything!

Kundalini Rising – July 26, 2014

In this particular dream I was with a man (same one as above) who was my partner/boyfriend. He was discussing with me a process he was going through and though he never spoke of it by name he allowed me to feel bits and pieces of this process in the dream. It felt very similar to how one feels when they are very attracted to another person but it had more of a high to it, like a drug. Since I was not able to fully experience it yet he told me that I would get to experience it soon.

The dream continued as I was waiting. We were at a party with other young people and there was a table with food on it. We were all partaking of the food and I remember talking with a woman who was my partner’s mother, though she looked too young. I wish I could remember what we were talking about but all I recall was thinking that I was about to take a very powerful drug.

I do not recall actually taking a drug but I saw others “on the drug” acting very happy and relaxed. Eventually, though, I did experience the feeling after watching these other young people experience it. I cannot describe it in words for there are no words that even come close to describing it accurately. I have experienced the feeling before but only once as I was coming out of a meditation years ago. It might be described by some as a sexual experience but if that were what it was then it is beyond any sexual experience I have experienced in this physical body. It does have some similarities to it. For example, there is a pulling sensation in the first and second chakra area that is very powerful and pleasant and it spreads out from that point to every part of the body and intensifies similar to the moment of orgasm. However, it does not stop but continues to escalate beyond any orgasmic experience, the feeling moving upward and downward at the same time along the center of the body (spine) while it also expands outward. It feels like a total body orgasm but the feeling is of such ecstasy that it could be described as similar to a very powerful drug. In this particular experience the feeling continued uninterrupted for what seemed like hours and I was completely absorbed by it, losing myself to it along side my partner.

July 31st Entry

On July 31, I wrote about a real-life experience I had on a flight to Florida. I knew I was about to meet a man named Michael and heard his name very clearly. Minutes later a man sat down in the seat next to me, turned around and introduced himself to me as “Michael”. We talked throughout the flight to Florida and he told me all about his life, his wife and family. He also mentioned he lived in Tennessee. I remember thinking that I had soul family in Tennessee and remembered the airport dream above in full.

 

 

 

 

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Energy Grid Report-1/20/2016

I feel it, too. 🙂

Maria Bethencourt's avatarLightlover Journal

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Blessings as we go through and anchor this LAST  massive Gateway and Portal.

The Lion Awakens Within All.
We have done it.
It is done.
Divine Feminine and Masculine has unified.

Our planets have aligned as our solar system is aligned completely to Source Light, collapsing ALL planetary timelines of descension in our system.

This affects ALL planetary systems in this galactic Milky Way galactic timeline and expands through ALL of creation.

All earth portals and gateways are open, sealed in GOLD.

After this gateway, my job as gatekeeper will end, for my beautiful gateway here is fully anchored and I no longer need to physically be here for it.

I tried to to make an video report but my brain is not working, and electronics go nuts around me.

On the other side of this portal are BILLIONS of twin souls waiting to walk in, be born or spontaneously…

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Beautiful Bliss

Did you feel the energy last night?! It was off the charts! Or at least for me it was.

I first started noticing it around 8pm CST. I was settling my children into bed and soothing my youngest who demands I be right next to him until he falls asleep. So, as I lay there with him, sitting up and quite uncomfortable, my heart chakra just bursts wide open and wave upon wave of energy begins to pour through me and out of me. The energy expanded and then I felt my other chakras light up one by one. Root, sacral, solar, throat. The energy never rose above my throat.

This was pure bliss energy. My heart still felt almost painful at times but I didn’t care. Though my root and second chakras were pulsing with energy, I never felt sexual. It was just beautiful, wonderful, heavenly bliss. It made me want to cry tears of joy.

It lasted for over 20 minutes. Hehehehe

Another Wave

After that, it settled and I felt an urge to do yoga. As I was doing yoga, my crown and third-eye lit up with energy and I had what I like to call “raccoon eyes” from the intense energy around my nose and eyes that formed a mask of energy. I don’t know why I connect this mask to the raccoon specifically, but I just think of their little masked faces when I get it. lol

I also had sporadic intense shots of energy through my heart as I was doing yoga. This was most intense in savasana.

When I finished with yoga I felt like I had just had a strong cup of espresso. I was wired! Hatha yoga usually does the opposite for me. I do think it helped my physical body to relax and release areas of tension that may have been blocking the energy. Whatever the cause, I was flying high afterward.

From that point on the energy just kept hitting me in waves of pure bliss. These waves came in intensely and then would settle for a bit, giving me time to recover. I was able to read and function quite normally between them. Sometimes the shots of energy would hit my heart chakra in such a way as to be painful, but it never lasted long and I didn’t much care.

Interestingly, I could feel the energy doing its magic in certain chakras. At one point my sacral plexus felt like a massive ball of warm, tingling, swirly energy. It moved around in a circular pattern and reminded me of water.  My throat chakra was also lighting up in a strange way, moving around like it was alive. Very strange sensations!

After several hours of this intense energy a portion of my upper back, near my right shoulder blade, began to spasm. It was not painful but it was enough to keep me from relaxing and falling asleep. I finally gave up trying to relax at 12:30am and took a Benadryl. Thankfully it helped and I fell asleep about a half hour later.

I was told that my upper back pain was the result of a high heart block that was unable to clear. The pain was an indicator to slow down. My Team told me, “Slow down, your body can only take so much.” I had been requesting the energy to keep coming (who wouldn’t?). I was very enthusiastic about all of it. lol

 

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Dead Dove

I was feeling pretty good….until I went outside to wait for my daughter to get off the bus.

I sat in my normal spot intending to enjoy some much needed solitude and at my feet was this:

dove

This is a white-winged dove They are native to Texas and often live in the city and suburbs as well as the country. It looks like this one was shot. It has an entry and exit wound right through its center. Who would have shot it? Likely neighborhood boys with BB guns. 😦

When I saw it my heart sank. I thought, “Oh no. Not a good sign! There’s goes my peace.” My second thought was that it means the end to a relationship.

I grew up around doves, specifically mourning doves in the hill country of Texas. I use to get a kick out of going near one of their nests and watching as the adult bird would fly off of it as if they were wounded. My grandfather told me this was their way of protecting their young. If predators thought the adult was wounded they would follow them and leave the nest alone. I have never seen another bird do something like that. It is ingenious!

Doves mate for life. I recall vividly my grandfather telling me how, when one dove dies, their partner will often sit next to the dead body and end up getting killed themselves because of their intense loyalty to their partner. I remember seeing this often as we would drive by a dead dove on the road. I always saw its partner not far away, usually on a tree or fence nearby. I thought it both beautiful and sad at the same time. As a kid I thought it was stupid because the living dove would just end up dead eventually. lol

Burying the Dove

Since my middle son already saw the dead dove, I let both my youngest touch it and lifted it up for them to see. It was freshly dead, still warm, and I could clearly see the entrance and exit wounds. I knew once my daughter arrived we would need to bury it. It just felt like the right thing to do.

My kids helped me picked a spot in our back yard and I dug the grave while they collected rocks. We put it in its grave and then covered it up. My daughter asked where doves go when they die. I said, “I don’t know. Dove heaven?” She said, “Is there such a thing?” I said, “Probably. It goes where all things go when they die.” My middle son kept asking why its eyes were closed. I kept repeating, “Because it’s dead.” I think he finally figured that out once we buried it. That’s him in the picture.

My youngest didn’t care at all about the dove. lol

I am hoping this “sign” is just a coincidence, but from the looks of it, it seems like a message to me. The poor dove was shot right through the heart. And it had just died. It must have fallen in that spot literally minutes before I stepped outside because it was still warm. It is cold enough outside here and the bird small enough that it would have been stiff after 15 minutes. How do I know all of this? Because as a tom-boy growing up in the country I was always messing with dead things. 😉

So maybe if it is a sign it is just to tell me that I will have little peace in the future. I really rather it not be the loss of a partner.

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Reminder: Keep Your Thoughts in Check

Today has already been very different from the last month. I awoke with an odd feeling – very “normal” and calm. I have been experiencing major up’s and down’s for some time, so the settled feeling was welcomed. My entire perception seems to have shifted over night. I wonder if this feeling marks the beginning of whatever Chapter 2 is all about?

Realizations

As is part of my daily routine with my two youngest, we went to the playground and then for a walk around the neighborhood. As I was watching them play I realized that I have been very much caught up in my mind for a while now, worrying about the future or wondering what to do next. I felt that this was a slip on my part but now I am at the point where I can resume focusing on the present, living in the present and living from my heart.

I knew my Team was communicating with me in their silent but intense way and was grateful. It is a knowingness that just rises up from within and brings with it a distinct presence; a We rather than a Me.

They suggested I practice meditation throughout my day, mainly keeping a watch on my thoughts and not letting them run a muck. With this came the reminder that I am manifesting my reality on a much higher level than ever before. It is very important right now to keep a tight rein on thought for this very reason.

I was also reminded that being present in the moment, not focusing on the future and what may or may not happen, is all part of learning to trust and follow the heart. When it is time to do something or change something I will know. The heart will tell me.

With this my heart began to pull intensely and my third-eye began to buzz.

Message well received.

So, I began to monitor my thoughts and keep them in check. I let myself observe and be present in the moment. It was/is a nice feeling. I can’t believe I forgot about it. I am corrected from within here – They say “You were distracted”. Yeah, okay, distracted. 🙂

 

 

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Chapter 2

Sleep was difficult to come by yesterday. I kept being woken up by my children and when I slept it was very light and restless. I have very little recollection of my dreams except for a few distinguishing points. I also received some messages relevant to my future and this blog.

Summer 2016

Prior to my first rude awakening by screaming children, I had been in a dream receiving information via a yearly forecast. The forecast was for 2016 and a man was reading it aloud to me. I was following along, reading the text and could see that the forecast was part of a woman’s blog, but I don’t know whose.

He read aloud, “It is going to be a hot summer in Texas this year – brutally HOT.” With this, I received knowing about what this meant. I saw a repeat of the past occurring on top of the current year. It was like overlapping timelines. The first occurrence was brutal in and of itself, though I did not receive specifics as to what past summer it was. The second was like a doubling of the same energy. I am not certain what exactly the word “hot” symbolizes. Could it be a sexual reference? Or does is referring to an actual heat wave which would not be out of the ordinary for Texas? Whatever it means I feel it is a warning of things to come and am not sure I like the feel of it.

Socked Feet

I had an in-depth dream that lasted half of the night at least. In it, I recall walking into a bathroom and seeing my brother-in-law in the shower. His body was covered so all I could see were his feet. But oddly he was wearing socks on them! I remember saying to his wife, “Does your husband always wear socks when he showers?”

This is the second time I have seen socked feet. The first time they were my own feet. Very peculiar!

The Goat Will Bite You

The last dream I had was the most concerning to me. In it my husband had invited a woman into our house. She was young and pretty with short, dark hair. She appeared to be in her mid-twenties and had the body of a supermodel. She stayed with us for a while and I remember being cautious about the situation.

My husband’s demeanor changed completely while she was there. He was very nice and courteous. The thing that bothered me was that he called her, “Darling” and “Sweetie” and other names that made me gag. I confronted him on it and he just laughed. I finally told him she had to go or he could get out permanently. I was not mad but irritated at him at letting this woman into our home.

At this point I went outside and saw that I was at my mom’s house. She has a large pool in the back yard and it was there in front of me nearly empty of water. Inside of it and climbing around was a small group of goats. I ran up to them yelling, “Get out of here!” I waved my hands at them and watched as some moved but none really got out of the pool. I felt sad at this; like a failure.

When I woke my first thought was about the goats and I was reminded of an OBE I had a very long time ago. I was told twice in the OBE, “The goat will bite you.” This OBE was so long ago it was on my old blog and I never could figure out it’s meaning. Now, here it is, in my face again.

Everything I read suggests that goats symbolize sexual desire and lechery. They can also symbolize bad judgement and gullibility. Could it be that that OBE so long ago could have been warning me of something about to happen this summer? I truly hope that I don’t become overcome with sexual desire. I am really no good at controlling myself in such situations.

Messages

I had a couple of messages come through. Prior to bed, and then again when waking, I received the message that I need to consider a blog change. This is not a new consideration – I started considering a change in May 2014. I stopped posting in my Blogger blog a while back and now feel it may be time to do so with this blog. It does not necessarily mean this blog will go away, my Blogger one is still active, just that I may need to create a new blog. This blog has so many posts and categories that it can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. I also feel like I will be moving into a new type of writing – channeling perhaps? I am not sure. It just feels like this blog’s time is running out. Don’t worry, I will let you all know when it’s time for the change. 🙂

The other message was more direct and came early this morning. I heard, “Chapter 2” and saw a staircase above me indicating a total of 7 chapters. When I saw this, I remembered a dream I had in December, Chapter 1 of 7. I knew I had reached the next “chapter”. I then heard, “You will stop at 5.” I asked for clarification and heard that when I reached 5 I would be “whole” and ready. Ready for what? I don’t even want to know anymore. I hope it doesn’t have to do with the goat dream. LOL

 

 

 

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Luminous Beings

Yesterday proved to be another difficult day for me. Outwardly, I appeared fine and stable, but within I was struggling.

I slept hard and deep again, waking a few times in the night and quickly returning to sleep without incident. At 5:30am I was awakened by a dream that turned lucid very quickly. In it, I was listening to a small child singing a song. She appeared to be about 9 or 10 years old and had a white, luminous light surrounding her. Her words were ultimately what brought me out of my slumber.

She sang, “Hello to you with the pillow over your head, laying in bed.” lol

Awake but in the in-between, the entire night’s adventures were suddenly within my mind – dreams, conversations, and feelings. The dreams are full of symbolism but they are so long that I do not want to go into detail here. Instead I will focus on the important parts.

Train

I was lifted out of one dream scene into another by an unseen guide. We flew high above a green valley surrounded by rusty colored mesas and plateaus. I could see a train meandering along a track that went through the bottom of this valley. I knew this was my destination but I was just along for the ride.

Luminous Beings

I watched as the ground began to move. I could see a ball outlined below the surface. There was also a very high pitched sound that was all around. I can’t connect it to any sound I have ever heard but it was everywhere. It came from within rather than without and was like music but no music I have ever heard.

Then a luminous white orb about the size of a basketball emerged from the soil. I looked away it was so bright. When I looked back there was standing in front of me a small Being, very child-like in stature – the height of a 12 year old child. I could see him despite his brightness – he was extremely bright white with a light blue tinge to the outer areas of this brightness. He was human in shape and I could see his entire body from his head to toes. There were no distinct features other than his eyes, nose and mouth. The rest was just too bright. His face was human-like but more like a human with some kind of chromosome issue most similar to someone with Down’s Syndrome.

Then I saw 4 other orbs appear from the ground behind me. Each one became a small Being just like the first.

Messages

With all these memories came an understanding that I had been somewhere else with these bright Beings. They were so calming and continually sent love to me. It was the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt and I wanted badly to be with them – to leave this life and body and join with them. The entire time I communicated with these Beings my heart was so large inside my chest that it felt like it would burst. At the same time my crown and third eye were also buzzing.

I could feel the Beings around me and recognized them as very special. We conversed but most of their answers came as pure Knowingness. They explained that they are Timeless and have been on Earth since the beginning.

At this time I had a memory of seeing hundreds of luminous orbs rising up out of a vast, dark lake and several Beings inviting me to enter into this metal craft that was hovering a few feet off the ground. They said to me, “Leave your shoes. You wear new ones here.” I chose instead to wear my old shoes inside my new ones.

Several times they mentioned the Anasazi’s. I am not very familiar with this ancient group of people but from what I recall they completely disappeared and no one knows why or where they went. The answer I received was that some left while others stayed. The ones that left shifted into light bodies and ascended. The ones who stayed integrated with the Earth and I saw them underground. I heard, “There are scores of us across the planet. We are here to help. We are re-emerging.”

Of course I wondered why they were here with me. The answer I received was that they were helping me with my heart. This part is hard to describe because it is so intensely personal on so many levels. Even as I write this my heart is pulling.

Another memory surfaced then, one in which I was being presented with these tablets that appeared to have etched into them runes or symbols. Each tablet was perfectly square and each symbol was etched inside it’s own square. The symbols glowed and appeared to enlarge when I looked at them. 

They surrounded me with love and one said to me, “We will help you grieve.” I was hit with such an understanding of this that I began to cry. I was crying not only from the intense love I felt but from numerous other things that I am going through right now. I am being pulled with such intensity toward my group and I am struggling with the feeling. It is constant and was the source of the split feeling I had been feeling. The split feeling is gone and I don’t think it will return but the magnetic pull to leave is still very strong.

Of the many messages I received there was one that I have been getting on my own that they confirmed. This feeling to leave is only going to intensify. Now is not the time to act on it, though, as there are things I must resolve first. When the time comes to act I will Know. I was told, “You must become whole first.” The message about being whole has come to me before. Though I don’t fully understand it, I trust it. I don’t know how long it will take and a part of me is afraid of it happening.

It seems to me that these Beings magnified my heart space in a way that brought great clarity. They confirmed much of what I had been feeling yet at the same time intensified emotions that I have been avoiding. I carry with me a great loss and longing, like a part of me is missing but accessible – just not yet. When I contact the source of these feelings I feel like I am Home. It is similar to the feeling I got from the Beings. I want badly to reunite with them but cannot. No wonder I am so sad. 😦