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Wide Open

I had a realization yesterday. While at yet another meeting, I began feeling anxious and panicky for no reason whatsoever. Yes, I was at a meeting and expected to voice my two cents, but it was nothing out of the ordinary and usually I am quite relaxed at such meetings. So the anxiety was out of place.

I thought at first there must be geomagnetic storms or something causing the anxiety but something didn’t feel right about that conclusion. I felt I should inspect the feeling more and recognized that I had increases in the anxious feeling when I would focus one whomever was talking.

Was I perhaps picking up on their energy?

That was when the idea came to me to surround myself in protection; to block the energies coming in from all around me.

I visualized an egg-shaped shield of protection around my body while focusing my energy into the ground and out through my crown chakra. When I did this, I unintentionally put up the violet flame. I don’t normally do this. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I put up an energy shield and I don’t recall ever using the violet flame. In fact, I didn’t consciously think, “I invoke the violet flame”. I just noticed that the shield I had erected around me was a pinkish-purple color and the words “violet flame” popped into my head.

Taking deep breaths I left the shield in place and focused my full attention back on the meeting. My heart rate dropped significantly and my breathing settled. I no longer had anxious thoughts when just moments before I had thought, “I am going to pass out” or “I need to get out of here”.

The rest of the day was similarly clouded with anxious thoughts that made no sense. I did not take the time to put the shield in place as I was too distracted and had already forgotten about my experience in the meeting. I had another meeting at the end of the day which had me a bundle of nerves and no matter how I tried to settled (I even stopped to meditate) the nerves would not calm down. I knew in my heart there was no reason for my concern but I seemed unable to control the anxiety over this meeting because my boss had not told me why we were having it.

At the meeting I soon discovered that my intuition had been right. There was no need for the worry. I was being called in for a consult! Haha!

You are Wide Open

I had a headache most of the day that came and went along with the strange changes in mood. I just felt off-kilter most of the day and could not wait to settle down to sleep. Except, like all of my nights this week, I could not fall asleep. I was tired but wide awake and alert for no reason. Thankfully my thoughts were not ridden with negative visions or strange concerns.

As I lay there trying to meditate I focused on my third-eye and heart simultaneously. When I did, I suddenly saw this odd pattern of energy dancing around me. I recognized it as my aura but it was unlike any visual I have ever had of my energy body. It was in waves of pink and indigo and was moving in and out and through me very quickly like electricity. I could see tendrils of color oscillating across my line of sight. It was absolutely spectacular.

As I recognized what I was seeing, a question began to form in my mind. Before the thought was completed my Companion said to me, “You are wide open”.

With this came an understanding that the current process I was going through was causing this sudden openness to everything that I had previously been closed off to. It was like I had returned to my youth, a period when I was bombarded with similar unwanted feelings and found it difficult to cope. But this time I knew how to shield myself but had gotten lazy over time because it had become second-nature. Apparently I could not rely on the shield just automatically being there right now. It would take specific intention to keep myself shielded from unwanted emotion, energy and negative feedback.

Thankfully my headache is gone today but I have energy sensations around my head. It feels like gentle healing energy all around my head and face. Almost like someone is wrapping me in a pillow of energy. It is subtle and calming.

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Night of Vivid Dreams

Sleep was good last night and I feel rested this morning. The only problem is I had a very long dream, one of those dreams that continues after waking and then falling back to sleep.

I won’t go into the dream details but I want to explore the symbolism because some symbols reappeared throughout.

Puffer Fish and Babies

In one dream a woman caught a huge Puffer Fish. It was bloated and the size of a beach ball. From inside she pulled two small babies and I was shocked. I asked, “It is a marsupial?” I knew we were in Australia at the time and almost became lucid.

The babies then traveled with us throughout the dream. We were protecting them.

Puffer fish symbolize repressed or unexpressed anger. Because it was puffed up, it symbolizes the holding in of something (not specified) which is in danger of exploding at any time.

Interestingly, babies represent warmth, innocence and new beginnings. In this case, there were two (not twins), and I was protecting them. They grew up to young boys in the dream, even. Two symbolizes duality, partnership and soul receptivity.

From looking at the symbols here I suspect I was discussing how I transmuted something negative into something positive. Growth is occurring.

Houses

There were many different houses in my dream. The most common was a cluster of houses inside a compound. They were not lived in, but empty and waiting to be moved into. I remember walking along a cobblestone path between the houses and thinking that I liked this place, which I called a “commune”. I liked the idea of living there and felt comfortable, even suggesting we invite others to live there.

The house in general is symbolic of the soul and Self. In this case I believe I was discussing other aspects of mySelf and exploring the possibility that these exist.

In another dream I located a house in the commune which I recognized and pointed it out. I told my mother, “I want to move back there” and pointed to it. It was white with large windows in the front and two front doors. It was still occupied but the owners were moving out and were going to let me move in. They gave me a Mother’s Day present, which I opened. Two balloons floated out of it and it spewed confetti everywhere. Inside were small pieces of candy. The present cost $16 I was told. I felt I did not deserve it.

This dream represented a forgotten aspect of mySelf. I seemed fond of it. I explored it in great depth, even the backyard which had a hutch with wild rabbits and a crystal clear swimming pool. I believe I was being encouraged to explore this aspect and that is why I was given the present. There are other symbols here as well, but I won’t go into depth on them.

Whiskey Lullaby

When I awoke a song was in my head called “Whiskey Lullaby”. It was only one part of the song, which repeated over and over. This was the second morning that I awoke singing it to myself.

The lyrics I heard were:

Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees

It’s quite a depressing song and the lyrics I heard made me wonder if perhaps I had gotten in over my head in this life.

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Redefining Reality

Like clockwork I am visited in the evenings before bed by my Companion. His presence and intent is made known via an intense pulling sensation in my third-eye. If I send out a mental query, I receive nothing in return. Yet if I direct my focus to my heart center, I received the communication. It is from this center that I receive his messages and accompanying comfort and calm.

I am unaccustomed to this new method of communication and struggle with it greatly. I want, no it seems I need, to translate the messages I receive into thoughts and words. Writing posts in this blog adds to this difficulty in translating what it is that I have received. In our original form we do not speak in words or even thoughts like what would be expected by us in the physical form. We speak in feelings which translate into a deep knowingness that is not limited to words/language.

My understanding is that I am to recover that which I have lost in the transfer into this human form. This includes, among many other abilities, the ability to know without the need to rationalize or analyze through the use of thoughts and language.

Yet at the same time I am still urged to share this process of transformation, of awaking to my True Self, with others. To do so means language must be used to translate all that is occurring. This is an intricate process because to use language incurs the use of the human mind and thus awakens the Ego to the process. It seems a catch-22 but I am assured it can be done.

Control of Thought

One lesson I am learning is how to control the random thoughts that are rising up out of my subconscious. They bombard me especially as I attempt to fall to sleep. Images such as a messy room strewn with torn paper and a pair of broken glasses and a counter top covered in spilled milk. The second these images appear there is an accompanying reaction of rejection and anxiety. It fills up my entire chest region and pulls me to wakefulness. I think of my youngest who has been into mischief these last few weeks – climbing up onto the kitchen counter or getting into things he should not. He has been known to toss dishes on the floor and break eye glasses (two pair now) among other things.

Image after image came into my mind last night and each time I awoke to a strong anxiety and upset. I pleaded to my Companion to help me. Why is this happening?

I was instructed to become the Observer and to note what was occurring each time one of these thoughts came into my mind. It did not take me long to recognize the pattern – visual appears followed by immediate rejection and welling up of anxiety.

It was then explained to me that these random images were the result of a purging of my third chakra and heart centers. There is a need to control my environment attached to a belief that if I can keep it under control then it cannot control me. The key to dissolving the images was to change my reaction to them. Acceptance is the key. Allow the experience to occur. Inspect the negative reaction. Allow it to teach me what it has to teach.

All experience has a lesson for us. To reject the experience is to reject the lesson. To reject the lesson means it will repeat until it is learned.

I appealed to my Companion, “But I react instantly and seem not to be able to control it”.

The response was that to control automatic reactions one must disengage and become the observer. And one must not be discouraged along the way for this is a habit that has been a lifetime in the making and will take time to reverse.

Discouraged, I felt suddenly very overwhelmed and wanted to quit.

I was then reminded that I must celebrate even the “smallest” of achievements.

Seeing Things as they Are

Still struggling to fall asleep, I was brought to awareness by a simple statement: “You will see things as they are rather than how you want them to be.”

I thought of it but could not stay focused and managed to fall asleep (finally!).

New Patterns in the Making

I overslept by 40 minutes this morning. My alarm did not go off and my husband and daughter forgot to wake me. As I rushed to get ready for work, my tired mind was interrupted periodically by the calming thoughts of my Companion. Each comment was in response to a thought of my own.

“I’m going to be late” was redirected with, “Let it go” and a feeling of calm and a knowing that it was not a big deal.

“I am going to miss my first appointment” was redirected with, “I can change my schedule”.

As I drove, I encountered a dreamy feeling and my vision was hazy. I briefly worried I would get into an accident and I was reminded that my thoughts create my reality and to control them. I no longer thought of “what-ifs” and drove faster than my normal cautious speed.

I arrived to work on time and noticed the sun in its brilliance as it rose. I heard my Companion say to me, “Celebrate! It’s a new day!” and I was filled with wonder and joy, as if this day was my first day of life.

And so far, it has been a good day.

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OBEs: Floating on Water

As I lay on my back as instructed, I found myself in the in-between having a conversation with my Companion. I didn’t see him, but I could clearly hear what we were saying and I was very aware of what I said. I remember knowing very well what I was saying as I spoke to him about the woman who I had just seen with the little girl. The woman was the little girl’s caretaker and I called her, “Corilla”. I remember that she was standing next to me, but I all I remember about her was that she was blonde.

At the same time I was talking with my Companion I could hear my children playing in the background. This clued me into the fact that I could exit my body. It appeared I received the go ahead to do so at that time and so I took the chance and moved my body toward the corner of the bedroom.

OBE 1

I felt my arms and legs detach but I was unsure if I was really OOB for some reason. It felt very real and my mind was of two aspects. I felt I needed to merge the two in order to proceed but was unable to focus my thoughts well for some reason. I saw that the room was shifty and in grays and whites and so I began to move toward the door and out of the room. What is funny is that I was in the computer room, not my bedroom.

I lifted myself into the air, a mass of rolling energy, and flew down the stairs. My energy was not strong, so I looked down at my hands to gain clarity. I saw them, though they were blurry. I looked down and saw the wood of the stairs clearly and then rushed toward the door. My intent was to get to the front door and outside as fast as I could.

My momentum slowed as I re-entered my body. I heard my Companion ask me, “Why were you going outside? What was your intent?”

I said, “I wanted to go into the water”, and I imagined myself floating on tropical waters under the sun. To me, at this time, this destination seemed appropriate.

OBE 2: Floating on Water

With that, I felt I could exit again and so I did, this time rising up vertically out of my body and away. I immediately began singing aloud and felt my energy lighten.

There was a string of doubt that rushed into my mind at this time. “What if I don’t find the water?” I pushed the thought down and sang more loudly, intent on creating the water in which to float blissfully.

As I sang and floated in the darkness I began to feel the energy shifting and soon found myself floating in warm water. I could feel the waves and the buoyancy of my body floating among them. It was wonderful and I sang even more loudly as I prepared to open my eyes and take in the scenery.

Then another thought came into my mind. “What if I drown?!” This though I knew would destroy my projection and I banished it as soon as it came. I continued to sing and float, enjoying the moment.

Unfortunately, the thought of drowning came back as I attempted to open my eyes. I came back into my body hearing my Companion say, “You must control your thoughts”.

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Semi-Lucid Dream: Heart Expansion

I awoke around 5:30am and asked to astral project. I fell back to sleep quickly.

I gradually began to gain lucidity. I was in a shallow, rocky pool with others like myself. We were spread out and discussing the healing processes we had each been through. I felt comfortable but at the same time was not sure who these people were or where I was.

There was an older gentleman near me who I had been working closely with. He was very familiar to me. He had blonde hair, or maybe it was white, but had deep furrows in his brow and laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. I assumed him to be about 20 years older than me.

We were talking about the healing sessions but I can’t recall it in detail now. I felt drawn to the man and so moved in closer to him as we talked. There was a moment when I felt a decision was made to proceed to the next “step” in the process. I remember looking at the water and seeing that we were sitting inside a rocky, clear stream. The boulders were dark and smooth and the water shallow but deep enough to cover our legs as we sat in it. I fiddled with several red bricks that were at my feet and looked out of place. I said, “The bricks moved” as I tried to put them back in place.

The man said something to me and I turned and looked at him. His eyes were smiling even though he wasn’t. I made the “decision” then and fell into his arms. It seemed as if I melted into him and at that moment I didn’t care about my life or the consequences of this decision I made. All I knew is that I would give up everything I had to be right here, right now – forever.

As I held onto him I was approached by a little girl. She had dark, curly hair and was very timid-like. A woman was behind her and I felt she was her guide/caretaker. The little girl touched my knee and spoke to me.

“Quiero la verdad”, she said to me softly. But I heard her also say, “Tengo la verdad” at exactly the same time.

Confused, I caught only the word, “verdad” and knew immediately the translation.

“Truth”, I said aloud. “She said, ‘Truth'”.

I then looked behind her at the woman guardian and felt we needed to invite the little girl to/into us.

Heart Connection

The sensation of the connection I had just made woke me up and I lay there in total bliss as the energy of my heart chakra expanded. I felt the presence of my Companion close and knew something was up, but didn’t care. This indescribable feeling was all I cared about. I also knew the little girl who spoke Spanish was me and that she brought with her “truth”.

I tried to figure out what the feeling I felt was. I had been, still was, willing to give up everything for the feeling. It was similar to intense sexual attraction without the sexual part. It was like I had found my other half and there was no way I was about to let it go. (As I type this my heart is expanding again and the feeling makes me want to cry with joy)

My Companion said to me, “We are One”, and as I worried the feeling would leave he said, “It is always there. It will always be there”.

The feeling intensified and I caught myself holding my breath.

“It is beautiful”, I said to him. And it was/IS.

I recognized then that some of my other chakras were sporadically pulling and filling with the blissful energy as well. I felt my second chakra and my third eye the most intensely, but my root chakra also pulled. As I focused on them, I heard my Companion comment on the thoughts I had. My second chakra is nearly cleared and soon there will be a full alignment and the energy will pour in from the top and the bottom. I could only imagine how that would feel. His comment to that was, “Soon”.

I didn’t wan to move or leave. I said to him, “I don’t want this to stop – ever”.

I was instructed to relax and let go, so I did. An image then came to me of a shelf with hay, similar to the nesting boxes of chickens. I saw myself selecting eggs, but these were no ordinary eggs. They were huge, like ostrich eggs, and each was a vibrant color. I saw blue first and reached for it and held it in my hands. It was larger than my hand! I then became fully lucid and said, “They are the chakras!” as I saw a yellow one, an orange one, and a purple one. I looked for the red one and when I saw it the image vanished and I saw myself surrounded by a circle which was clear on the inside but outlined in solid red.

I woke up fully then, still feeling the amazing sensation expanding from my heart center. I rolled over and our conversation continued, but I don’t recall it all now. I was instructed to lay on my back, so I did. I also recall being told to not resume smoking (I quit my one-cigarette a night a week ago today).

The next part will be in my next entry for this one is too long already.

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Hatching

As I settled down to sleep last night, I felt the familiar presence of my Companion signaling he wanted to communicate a message to me.

I felt I should lay on my back and focus on my third eye, so I did. Immediately my third eye began to pull as the energy increased. Then, an image popped into my head of my aura as it pulsated around my physical body. It was a deep indigo color and I could see it fluidly moving all around me. I laughed out loud at the sight of it. “I’m Indigo!” I said to him mentally.

I continued to lay there, feeling my third eye pulling and sensing the movement of energy throughout and around my body. It was then that another image popped into my head. It was of a newly hatched baby chick. At the same time I heard my Companion say, “We are merged. We are One”.

As the messages settled in, I wondered why I was shown a newly hatched chick when before I had been given the analogy of a butterfly in a cocoon. Why would I be shown a chicken now?

This question was not answered but instead I heard, “We are One”.

I knew this to always have been the case, so was confused at first. Then I understood. Whatever process I had been going through previously had culminated in this….hatching.

“You are changed. You will see the world differently”.

I thought of the message I had received not long ago preparing me for some changes, especially to my perception and thoughts. I had noticed them – the dream-like feeling, the feeling of being naked, the random thoughts and strange fears rising up out of nowhere. Then I thought I needed to consider how it felt to be “newly born”. What was it like?

Everything is new and the senses are bombarded and feel raw initially. The bright light is blinding. The loud noises are unbearable. The cold is piercing. It takes time to adjust and to learn to walk on new feet.

Is this what would be happening to me? When?

“Tonight”.

I didn’t really believe the answer.

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Strange Exposed Feeling Brings a Message

I’ve been meaning to mention a strange feeling I’ve been getting for some time now, but for some reason I keep forgetting. Today, though, it reappeared and I vowed to mention it before I once again forgot.

The feeling is a curious one and I think it goes hand in hand with the feeling of “living a dream” that I’ve been also having. For this entire week when I go out in public I feel naked and exposed. I freak out because I swear I forgot to put on clothing. I have to actually look down at my body to make sure I’m not naked!

The feeling of it is identical to similar dream experiences I’ve had. One minute I am fine and going about my day when suddenly I notice someone looking at me strangely or some other aspect of my surroundings stands out to me. Then, it is like time stands still and I suddenly feel naked. Right then and there I have to look down at my clothes or I focus on the feel of my clothes to make sure I am not naked.

It is so weird!!

Today, when it happened, it did not cause much concern – I am getting use to it. Yet later, when I was sitting in front of the T.V. the memory of it came back to me suddenly along with the notion that life IS a dream and this sudden exposed feeling is meant to remind me of that.

But why?

That is when the thought entered my mind both as a question and a statement – “I am resisting/Why are you resisting?”

I was thrown into present time instantly and a strange feeling accompanied it; the feeling of being in the presence of my Council. For some reason when communicating with them I feel like a little child who has done something wrong. I was overwhelmed with a sudden mild panic.

After a few deep breathes, I calmed down. “Resisting? Resisting what?”, I wondered to myself and to them at the same time.

I began to remember the times in my OBEs when I resisted. It always ended the same: me back in my body prematurely, having to start all over again. Only when I did not resist and followed where the experience led did my OBEs last and reveal whatever they were suppose to.

It appears I am being told to “go with the flow” and allow life to show me my path.

But it is so, so slow compared to an OBE.

And everything still feels really, really weird. It has been like this all week!

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More Physical Manifestations of the Shift

With all the changes in energy and their effects upon me, I figure I should post the current manifestations I am having. If you are experiencing similar, please let me know. There is an intense building of energy right now that is creating these intense reactions and I believe this will culminate in the next Starseed activation period. According to my Council, the next Activation will occur with the full moon in the month of October. This does not align with what others are saying about the September full moon but I believe my Council over the predictions I have seen all over the net.

Physical Manifestations of the Shift

  • Anxiety
  • Dizziness
  • Increased heart rate
  • tingling sensations
  • heart chakra energy sensations/pulling
  • third eye energy sensations/pulling
  • root and second chakra energy sensations/pulling
  • spontaneous K rising up to lower heart chakra
  • energy helmet when doing yoga or meditating
  • vision changes – feels like I’ve entered a “dream”
  • sudden calm and/or feelings of joy
  • increase thirst
  • increase and then decrease in hunger
  • sleep disturbances – can’t fall asleep, toss and turn, strange dreams
  • feeling of being “done” with life
  • random thoughts that do not fit and are negative or fearful
  • difficulty controlling random thoughts
  • daydreaming – gazing at clouds or sky or staring into space
  • feeling of being shifted to this time/space from somewhere else
  • moments of intense clarity/knowingness
  • sensitive to loud noises

For me, the current changes are beginning to increase in intensity, especially the random thoughts that pop into my head. These thoughts are along the lines of fears and worries that are seeping out through my subconscious into my consciousness. For example, as I tried to sleep last night, my thoughts immediately went to my middle son and I had horrid images of him being molested and tortured by a man. I tried to push the images out of my mind and heard my Companion ask me if I could accept the possibility of that occurring (this was not that it would but that I need to accept that things like that happen all the time on Earth and it could happen to me). I completely rejected it and said, “I would shoot whoever it was in the head if they tried to hurt my child!” I fought back other images of similar torturous things that are done to innocents as well as a huge lump of grief and despair. I realized in this, though, that I did not have images of my daughter come into my mind, or any female children. With this came the understanding that such things have happened along my time track to my sons and others’ sons over and over and will need to be cleared in order to make this life more productive and end a long cycle.

There are other less intense random thoughts coming in, but I cannot remember them now. I believe the key here is to look at them objectively in order to recognize the lesson they come to teach. These are issues that are rising up to be released and the only way to release them is to take a look at them and allow them to teach you what it is they have to teach.

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The Return of Desire

Did I mention that my desire has returned? It has. This is not just physical, sexual, passionate desire – this is the desire of the second chakra which includes so much more than sexual desire.

I didn’t really know for sure that it had returned. I had an inkling it had, especially since I started taking Maca root and had some pretty intense K rising sensations afterward. However, last night, as I was preparing for sleep, I had a vivid flash of my guide standing in front of me. He was radiant and just how he has been appearing lately when we meet up in dreamtime. He has dark, almost black hair, and piercing blue eyes. I don’t really pay attention to his physique or much other than his hair and eyes, but I know him when I see him. Interestingly, he is exactly how I wish I appeared in this life – I’ve always wanted dark hair and blue eyes.

What is different about seeing him this time is that I had an instant desire to be with him rise up from within. It hit me so fast that it surprised me and I laughed because I recall that I use to have that reaction every time I saw my guide. This was back when I first was learning about him and getting to know this part of me (2003-2006). Sadly, the reaction to seeing him caused his image to fade, but not without me recognizing that desire had returned to my life.

For me, this is a fantastic progression from a total lack of desire of anything in life!

To be honest, I thought I would never feel desire for anything ever again. Without it, I felt dead and I had gotten so use to the feeling that I forgot how it felt. The absolute joy at recognizing its return was terrific. I asked my guide if was going to see him in that way during my dreams. I knew instantly I wasn’t but got a good chuckle from him in response.

In response to this I hear/feel the message, “Welcome back!” Indeed!

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De-Compartmentalize

It all started a few days ago. The clouds here in Texas were extraordinary, making the sky seem so vast and beautiful. I kept finding myself gazing up into as I was driving, willing myself to be in it instead of here on the ground. It was like this for four days straight and each time I could not take my eyes off the sky.

Then there came another phenomena along with this fixation of mine on the sky. I began to get ideas of being above the Earth and then placing a miniature version of myself into the globe. It was like I was a giant and shrunk a part of myself down and placed her in this environment. With this idea came the thought, “I put myself here to experience this” and I felt so tiny yet so big all at the same time.

That evening, I awoke knowing I had been working through the night. With this knowing came odd little tidbits of information that disappeared as soon as I tried to focus upon them. Later that day, I suddenly recalled with great knowingness what had been discussed. I knew without doubt that I had separated from myself, disconnecting from all memory of Who I Am, to be placed on Earth and have this experience. This was more than just a normal knowing, it was a sensation of Being. I recalled the feeling of the moment of this disconnect and had the knowing that I could undo it anytime I chose.

Yet again, yesterday, I found myself fixated on the clouds and recalled the idea of being shrunken and placed into Earth. As I rounded the corner and prepared to enter the highway to head home, I began suddenly aware of my thoughts, thoughts that had been going on without much notice by me. I had been thinking of my night’s work and discussions and knew that I was entering into a new phase as I merged onto the highway.

Almost as soon as I was on the highway I felt my right arm tingle as if a hand were placed upon it. Then, looking up at the clouds, I began to notice a dream-like quality to my experience and my vision shifted. I was unconcerned as I drove, though, having full faith in my Team of guides.

It was then that an energy began to form on the left side of my head. It expanded and remained as I drove. Then my heart center began to buzz with energy. This is when the song, “Come Home” was playing and I began to get tears in my eyes. I felt suddenly very sad as if my time here was drawing to an end.

When I got into the garage I lingered in my car in the dark as the song played. I took off my sunglasses but kept reaching to remove them time and time again because my vision was dark and tunnel-like and I swear I felt the pressure of the glasses over my ears and against my temples. Things seemed very dream-like and I kept thinking of the visual I had of seeing myself put down into a tiny Earth. How surreal!

Compartmentalize and De-compartmentalize

Last night was yet another night of restless sleep. I awoke often and then struggled to return to sleep.

One of my early wakings was accompanied by one word in my mind: Compartmentalize. I wondered about it and knew it was related to the rewiring that was currently underway. I acknowledged it and then went back to sleep.

At one point when I awoke, my Companion was close and said, “We are in this together”. Imagine waking, not remembering your dreams and suddenly hearing this. What would you think? I got a bit concerned. Why would he say that to me unless things were about to get difficult?

I then thought of the word compartmentalize again and knew without knowing how that my Companion was referring to this process, but why? He said to me, “You are different. Do you feel it?”

I answered, “Yes, I do, but I am not sure how”.

Then he said to me, “We are in this together. Remember that. This is why we are here.”

I wondered what he meant and he replied, “Your thoughts will change. Your focus will shift. This process will be different”.

There came with these words a memory of the random thoughts that had been entering my mind lately. They come and I struggle to shut them down, when in that past it was easy. I knew this was an example of what he meant by this new “process”. I wondered if I would go crazy, but felt this was extreme and unlikely.

Considering all of it, I asked if it was like what occurred in May and he said, “No. We are integrating”.

I finally got out of bed after tossing and turning for another hour. As I woke up, I thought again of the word compartmentalize but knew I had it wrong. It was the opposite. I was de-compartmentalizing. We were taking down walls.

Here is more information on what compartmentalization is if you are interested.

What This Means

Honestly, I am unsure what exactly all this means but I feel I was being prepared for it over the last few nights. The energy has been intense and shifty – one minute calm and the next minute very turbulent. Thankfully my reactions have been bearable thus far. The panic that comes from the sudden onset of dizziness is controllable and does not last long. I have a fear of leaving my body at inopportune times and the dizzy spells trigger this fear. It really does feel like I am shifting OOB when I have these sudden shifts in perspective and am overwhelmed with dizziness. My vision threatens to blackout and I can feel myself leaving my body. Not fun when you are driving!! Who wouldn’t have a panic attack?

I suspect this is why my Companion told me, “We are in this together”. He wants me to remember this is the plan and to trust in the process. As I type this, though, I feel my heart rate increasing and my heart center is buzzing. I do not like the idea of not being in control of when I leave my body!

I am likely freaking out a bit and overreacting. Honestly, it is likely just simply that my thought processes will slowly be altered from their norm. This is much more acceptable. However, one must conclude that any change in brain activity has a direct effect on consciousness.