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Rejection of Mankind

I had a very healing sleep last night. It was full of dreams but I won’t go into detail on them. Instead I want to elaborate upon the realization I awoke with.

Rejection of Mankind

As usual, I did not want to get out of bed when I awoke and my Companion was close and prompting a “review” of the night’s events.

I recalled many dreams in which I was observing today’s youth and intercepting them when they did unacceptable things. This recollection rekindled the deep loss which I suffered during my long stent working with juvenile detention and alternative youth programs. The rejection of my attempts to help was a huge loss for me since that was my purpose for being there. To have your purpose thwarted day in and day out eventually tears you down to a point of apathy in regards to that purpose.

In recognizing this loss I also saw that I had come to many conclusions about mankind:

  • Mankind is hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • Mankind is more bad than good.
  • Mankind is lazy and selfish.
  • Mankind will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Ultimately, I decided I do not like human beings and rejected being one.

Upon analysis, I spotted it: In rejecting mankind, I rejected myself and limited my ability to take part in the wonderful aspects of being human. I slowly disconnected myself from all that it is to be human and in doing this closed myself off from the human aspect of myself.

Because ultimately all that I concluded about mankind, I also concluded about myself:

  • I am hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • I am more bad than good.
  • I am lazy and selfish.
  • I will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Such beliefs sabotage one’s ability to create because it is these beliefs that form one’s reality.

I also recognized that in rejecting mankind, I also rejected my children, my husband and my family; thus, isolating myself even more.

When I searched deeper I saw the pain I was attempting to hide from: If I cannot help the younger generation, how can I help my own children? How can I save them from the evils of being a part of the human race?

My failure and subsequent loss related to working with today’s youth transferred to my own children in my mind. Additionally, it transfers to my current counseling position in that I do not expect those I work with to get better and so I do not put forth the effort I once put forth in my earlier days.

In my earlier days I believed in each and every one of the kids I worked with. To me, they were all special and exceptional. In contrast, when I look at the children I work with now, all I see is their faults and not their potential.

Solution: Return of Purpose

The solution to this dilemma is simple: return to a point in time when I was having great wins and fulfilling my purpose. “Return” here means to go back to a moment where I felt accomplished and relive it in as much detail as I can. Do this over and over until there is a realization.

Since I have yet to do this, I am not sure how it works exactly but it makes sense. It does not undo all the loss I have experienced. This will have to be dealt with on its own. When this will occur, I don’t know, but it will at some point. I cannot continue to live without purpose; numb to experience and to others.

It is clear to me that this is where lies the disconnect between my upper and lower chakras.

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Savasana Meditation

While my baby took his afternoon nap, I felt I needed to lay in savasana and meditate for a while. I situated myself on the floor in my bedroom, head facing north and palms up to receive.

Almost immediately I began to feel hovered over by several guides. My Companion, or main guide, was to my left instructing me and explaining what was happening. There was more of a feeling of his guidance than words, though I did hear sentences every now and again.

My head had been buzzing prior to meditating but now it was becoming the massive energy helmet I have become use to. The only difference in the helmet was that it did not extend around the back of my head as usual but just covered the top, sides and forehead.

As the energy increased I heard, “Focus up” and so I rolled my eyes up and back into their sockets, focusing as best I could on my third eye. I then heard, “Tell me if you feel pain”.

I tried to stay focused on my third-eye the best I could but my second chakra was lighting up. The energy formed a kind of upside down crescent moon shape with my belly button in the middle. The energy did not hurt but I could tell there was something different happening in this area.

Around the time my second chakra began to buzz, my heart chakra also began to activate and there was a memory of a dream I had when much healing work was being done on this area. I felt something similar was happening, though not for the same purpose. This was an alignment.

My Companion was now near my crown and I felt the presence of three others all down near my second chakra. I could not see them but the feeling of their energy was large and they seemed to fill up all the space right above me. I felt cocooned.

I again received instructions to focus upward, so I did, but I kept being distracted by my second chakra and the strange occasional surges in my heart chakra.

As I lay there accepting the healing I began to have thoughts that are not common for me anymore. They were barely there but the presence of them incited a comment from my Companion, “That is good”. The particular thoughts were of wanting that wonderful desirous feeling that comes with new love.

The thoughts faded as quickly as they came but there was an energy that lingered and I could feel movement in my root chakra. The energy there did not rise but seemed to spread out and settle. My second chakra continued to buzz strangely.

Then my right leg began to feel funny and the muscles in my thighs around my knees began to twitch. I knew there was tension in my legs from the energy, especially my right leg. This also reminded me of the heart healing dream I had. My right leg had been involuntarily kicking during the dream healing. I wonder what causes it?

Eventually the energy blanket that comes with entering light trance brought me out of a reverie I did not know I was in. Interestingly at this same moment my baby awoke from his nap and my husband arrived home with our other two children. It seems the healing session was over.

I feel blessed to have received such wonderful healing. Thank you.

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Explanation of Current Processes

Though I was tired last night when my guide communicated with me, I found myself automatically tuning into my heart space for a time. When I do this, the information flows so fluidly and there are no words to it, just knowing.

I perceived that in the near future there will be an inflow of energy from my root chakra up to my solar plexus. This energy is of another, higher aspect of me and serves to connect the higher and lower chakras. From my understanding, there is a distinct break between the two right now with the heart in the center of it all.

The separation between my lower and upper chakras is a separation that cannot continue. This inflow of energy will resolve the issue, joining the upper and lower and creating a complete circuit. Apparently this disconnect is a normal part of the “process” and easily resolved.

The particular process I am going through is what my guide previously termed “energy swap” and what others sometimes call a “walk-in”. From what I understand, the energy swap is not occurring all at once but in small steps. The first step was on July 2 as written in my post Remember. This particular step was very strange and almost scary, so I wonder what this next one will be like.

There was also a feeling that this other aspect, a higher aspect, will resume primary control once the circuit is complete. “Resume” being used here because this occurred previously and without incident. When I recognized this I confirmed with my guide that this would only occur if I wanted it to. I, of course, am eager for it to happen.

Finally, I was told and also felt that there was a complication in a specific part of my brain – the amygdala. Upon researching this part of the brain, I can see why it would be where complications would exist. Below is a short video on the amygdala and its function.

http://bigthink.com/videos/the-amygdala-in-5-minutes

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Dream: Will You Be My Patient?

I struggled to fall asleep last night. I had more energy than usual and then I kept waking up. My head was buzzing with energy at the very top. I could sometimes feel it extend to my third eye but then it would withdraw.

Then, I was told suddenly by my guide,”We will talk”.

Dream: Will You Be My Patient?

I was walking inside a very large, mall-like building. The ceiling were vastly high with domed windows. There were office spaces enclosed completely in glass. Inside one of them I saw a desk and a man.

My “sister” came out and lovingly touched my arm. She said to me, “I’m so sorry to hear the news”. I looked at her questioningly. “I heard your bloodwork came back showing signs of cancer”. I didn’t know what she was talking about.

In my mind I had a memory of seeing the doctor in the glass office and him giving me an exam. I went to get the bloodwork after. He had not even talked to me about it yet. How could she then know the results if I didn’t? I thought that she must be confusing me for our mother, but then I couldn’t remember her ever having cancer either.

I continued toward the glass office and went inside. The doctor gave me a slip of paper. It was a hand written prescription containing five scripts. I read over them and recognized them as cancer-fighting medications. Could it be that my sister was right?

I confronted my doctor. “What did my bloodwork say?”

He told me that the bloodwork showed signs of cancer. He specified that I had two tumors that were still small and if treated aggressively the prognosis was good. In my mind I saw the tumors were in my head. I did not know what to think. Was he for real?

I looked down at the script and knew I had a decision to make. Take the medication or don’t take it. Take a chance at life or resign myself to my fate.

Then I saw a woman sitting where I should have been sitting across from the doctor. She had something in her hand. I became her, experiencing her thoughts. She recognized she needed to quit smoking. For a moment the thing in her hand looked like a pack of cigarettes. She reluctantly handed them over and I imagined them stomped upon by the doctor. However, what actually happened is the woman handed over a small USB flash drive. This confused me but I soon recognized it as one I had in waking life. It contained on it a recovery program to find viruses on infected computers.

Then the doctor came up to me, his white coat very obvious.

He asked me, “Will you be my patient?”

What is odd about this part of the dream is that when he asked me the question it echoed in my physical ears as if he were really standing right next to me. The sound resonated between states and then beyond. The me in the dream wanted to answer, “Yes”. The me waking up to the question wanted to answer, “No”.

Feeling I needed to answer, I chose the answer of the me in the dream. “Yes”, I said. But I wanted to answer “No”.

The split between my two aspects was quite obvious. One had hope and wanted help. The other had given up.

Awake now, I was confused and wanted to panic, but didn’t. It was only a dream. I don’t have cancer. I just had a physical and everything checked out fine. It was purely symbolic. Cancer symbolizes a sickness within, like an emotional sickness or an area of one’s life that is causing them emotional upset. The question about being a patient could mean two things. One, that I need to be patient. Two, that I am in an intense period of healing. It likely means both.

My guide said to me that one of these “cancers” is impeding my survival. He asked me to return to sleep and he would help me understand.

I did eventually return to sleep but the dream seems unrelated to the “cancer” dream. I do remember hearing a message that I had 10 more days to go. This would fall in line with the 30 day time period I was given at the beginning of the month.

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Withdrawal

I have the home to myself – finally. Usually I would use this time to meditate or tune in, but I just don’t feel the connection. It is like it vanished. I feel completely and utterly alone and abandoned compared to how I felt just a little over a month ago.

If this is what ascension is all about then I don’t like it one bit. I can’t imagine it is meant to be this way. To have everything build up and explode with wonderful, beautiful, amazing wholeness and connectedness to Source and then suddenly disappear.

Snap and it’s gone.

I feel like the little kid who got one of those humungous lolly pops – you know the kind that are all rainbow colored and bigger than any person could ever eat – and then mommy said, “Sorry hunny, it’s too much for you”, and snatches it away before I can get another taste of it.

Or even worse – “Share with your sister”. Argghhh!

Symptoms?

I think I am in withdrawal. I grieve for what I feel I have lost every day. It makes me mad and then sad and then hopeless. I pray for it to come back every night before bed. All I get in return is more odd dreams and a strange, heavy exhaustion as if I took sleep meds before bed.

And headaches and joint aches and just overall heartache.

This is what I am experiencing now:

  • Sadness
  • Empty feeling
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Headache
  • Joint aches
  • Body aches
  • Disinterest in humanity in general
  • Wanting OUT
  • Isolating myself
  • Exhaustion
  • Deep, dream-filled sleep
  • Buzzing energy around crown/head
  • Tingling sensations on arms (feels like Spirit touching me)
  • Dry eyes
  • Stiff neck/shoulders/upper back

When I feel like this, when I feel I am being denied what is rightfully mine, I get angry and wish it had never happened in the first place. If I had never known I could feel so completely amazing I would not miss it so much when it is gone.

I think this is why we Forget when we come to this place. It is too painful to Remember.

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Dream: Back to School (again)

I’ve been very tired lately. This is probably because of being sick with a cold (in July?) and then doing a pretty intense workout in hopes of clearing up the cold quicker. This morning a two-day headache is gone, I’m feeling better and have a slightly pleasant buzzing in my crown chakra.

Dream: Life Scenarios

My dreams were quite vivid last night for some reason. I recall two, the first of which is almost faded completely from my memory now.

In this particular dream I was observing how choices affect life outcomes. Since I don’t remember the specifics now, I will say that I was both an observer and a participant in the dream. At one point I was pulled out of the dream and asked to observe the multiple directions the life of the individual could take. I saw at least 12 or 13, all shooting off from a particular point like roads at an intersection. It resembled a wheel with spokes, the center being the defining moment when the choices were made.

I recognized within the dream the life scenarios I was viewing and the extent of the lesson was a bit overwhelming. To think that all these off-shoots were possible and likely occurring at the same time. If you have seen the show Sliders, then you will get an idea of what this might look like.

When I awoke from the dream my first thought was that I had been given a glimpse of multidimensional me. I was also reminded of my recent very lucid OBEs in which I was experiencing an alternate version of reality, one in which I had gone a completely different direction with my life.

Dream: Back to School (again)

This dream began with me entering a dorm room where I met up with several other people. It was furnished with two twin beds with white sheets and there was a small window that revealed we were on an upper level.

Discussion was about school and settling in. There was with me a very muscular black man who was the main focus of my attention, but there was also a woman. The black man laid down in the bed and I went up close to him and took a good look at him. He was not wearing a shirt and his muscles were very defined. I remember that he was very firm with me, though I don’t remember now what he said to me. It was not that he was unhappy with me but more that he wanted me to pay attention.

I noticed he had a large, reddish colored mole just under his right eye. I wondered about it briefly but was interrupted.

“What will you do now?” the woman asked. I could barely perceive her silhouette to my left.

At this time I found myself laying in the bed where the man had been and looking up at the ceiling. I said, “He will be my boyfriend”, jokingly, but I suddenly knew it was true.

The woman then began to talk to me about registration, telling me that I needed to be there at 6:30am. She spoke about receiving a message and I told her, “You get messages like once a week. No one ever calls or leaves me a message anymore”.

I realized it was nearly 6:30 and looked out the window to make sure. When I did, I saw the moon. It was extremely large! I remarked in surprise, pointing at it. When I looked closer it turned into an outline of Earth, each continent numbered, as if labeled.

I said, “Oh, I guess it is a hologram”. I looked and saw a balcony far below where a projector was set up. This was the source of the image.

The image then changed to that of an alien space craft lit up with all sorts of colors. It then morphed into another craft but I lost interest at that point.

It was then time for me to go and so I left, worrying briefly about where the Student Union was located.

When I arrived I had with me all three of my children. I browsed the books and knew which ones I needed. I also knew I had plenty of money to pay for them and that this part was “easy”.

Reflection

When I awoke I knew the dream represented another round of learning that was about to begin. I was/am not very pleased about it. The cycle never seems to end. My guide reminded me that learning is why I am here. He communicated that learning is Us.

I recognized the black man from my dream. I recall many encounters with him since 2003. I suspect that my guides have changed for the time being and he is back for whatever it is he does. Though I don’t remember much about him, I do recall there being a strong sexual component. This was in the past, though. I do not know if this is his main role or not. I doubt it.

There is also the 630 number. It appeared the night before as well, suggesting there is a message in it. It’s meaning can be found here. I have grown tired of these number messages as most of them mean the same thing: stay focused on your current path, trust you are on the right path, and your guides and angels are assisting you.

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Fierce is the Warrior

I think my warrior side came out again. Something triggered it. I suspect it was something during dream time as I awoke with such resistance to my life and the conditions of it that it was hard to quiet myself. Sadly, I was not a nice person for a couple of days. Yesterday I woke to computer issues that plagued me all day and brought me near tears. Then today I woke up sick with the worst sore throat I have had in a long time.

My dreams have been strange. Last night I dreamed I was in prison with other convicts and I was yelling and fighting and clawing to get out. I had another dream in which my husband came home, ate the dinner I prepared and then fell asleep on the couch. I got so mad at him that I took all the dirty dishes and began to throw them at him. He slept through all of it.

It is obvious that these dreams are frustrations rising to the surface like little bubbles, popping with an explosion that is hard to avoid.

Today, though, with the sickness following me, I have mellowed some. So far there has been no computer malfunctions. In fact, everything computer-related has gone smoothly despite it being frustratingly slow.

I have been strangely detached from everything related to this existence and I don’t really know how to handle it. The feeling is not like anything I have felt before. It is like I was just plucked from somewhere comfortable and thrown down into this chaotic place and told, “Sink or swim”. The emptiness is all encompassing and I don’t know what to do about it either. I go to my heart center and it feels empty, too.

I have gone through a desperate need to be alone and isolate myself from everyone. This isn’t working, though. It can’t with three kids. Not going to happen. I was angry about this, thus the dream about being in prison. I feel I can’t escape the life I am in, the roles I promised to play and the contracts to complete.

I feel that currently my lower three chakras are the focus right now. I am not sure exactly how to describe what I am sensing, but it feels like I am moving down into them, taking them over and making them mine. Who’s where they before? I want to reject everything that has to do with them.

I think I am resisting being in the body, actually. Sigh.

My guide sent me a song last night. Not sure why this particular song, but the last line was the one that kept repeating.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

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Dream: Meteorites and Dissociation

It has been a strange day and still, as it is ending, my dreams haunt me.

Meteorites

In this dream I was in a mountainous area up north somewhere. I am not sure where exactly I was, but the mountains were gray and treeless with snow still showing near the peaks.

In the valley below I stood in shock as I watched meteorites rain down from the sky and hit the mountains. In the sky they trailed smoke and ash and when they hit the mountains the explosion caused fire to shoot out from the impact sites similar to how a volcano looks when it erupts. One after another they fell and caused fire and smoke to rise into the sky.

In the valley below the destruction I finally turned and ran, stopping only because I saw a small group of people. Something about them, perhaps the oddness of them being there, caused me to forget about the destruction and try to learn more about them.

They were speaking Japanese and the conversation was mainly between a young Japanese man and a very tiny, but adult, Japanese woman. The woman appeared to be mildly retarded and even though I could not understand their language I knew what they were talking about. The woman was to marry the man and he was rejecting her because she was neither male nor female but both.

Hearing this I laughed loudly and repeated what I had heard to them. They in turn began to whisper to each other in Japanese. Disinterested, I turned again and saw the destruction continued. I told them, “We need to move on” and we walked away from the scene.

Dissociation

In this dream my husband and I went to visit my mother only to find that her house was occupied by a bunch of people who were associated with my sister. They were having a party and not leaving. My mother told me she was sorry. I was upset because were had planned to stay the night and now had to try and sleep despite the noise.

I spent the majority of the beginning of this dream demanding the party-goers be quiet and leave us alone. I yelled several times, “I just want to sleep!”

Eventually, I decided I would join the party because I obviously wasn’t going to get any sleep. Besides, they were interesting.

I ended up drinking more than I should until the wee hours of the night and became very fond of the people I was with. They were different than those I normally associated with, yet I found myself drawn to them.

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and my everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

As the day wore on I lost the feeling from the dream and calmed down to the point that I rejected the idea of leaving it all behind. I will not be moving out or leaving behind my family and life. It was just dream, even if it was a very real and intense one.

I do long to reconnect with whoever it was I was with in that dream. Sigh.

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Musings and a Dream

An entire day has passed and now that the sun is setting I am feeling a familiar twinge from within; a whisper of things to come. It beckons me forward like the words from the Cold Play song that has been haunting me for several days now:

And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you need to go on
Start as you need to go on

Slowly my attention is being drawn back to where it was a little over a month ago – back to the present moment and to the stillness that I seem to live in despite the chaos of the world around me. No, I am not always still but my mind is so much more than it ever has been in my life. Normal, daily mind chatter is still almost nonexistent and if I am chattering to myself I seem to be having conversations with an invisible person.

I am being asked to review what I have accomplished; to see the progress I have made and to give myself a pat on the back for a job well done. I am trying but I am always the most critical of myself.

I am told it is all very normal what I am going through as I am moving beyond 3D life and into 4D. The somberness, the empty feeling I have been having, the feeling of not belonging, the boredom – all very normal. I have to live here in this world, though. I have to keep up the facade of agreeing with it for the time being. It will not be forever and if I can find the stillness within and continue to focus on my heart, it will be a smooth ride.

The buzzing around my head is coming back with ever more intensity as well. I feel again the opening up to a “download” approaching. Whether it will be as intense as the last, I don’t know, but I welcome it. I feel whole when I am connected and want more than anything to remain that way always.

Dream: Shift in 4D or Be Lost

With all the OBEs I had this morning, I nearly forgot about the dreams that preceded them. There was one that came back to me suddenly just now. One in which I was discussing the shift to 4D and watching oh so many be left behind, unable to make the shift and suffering in all sorts of ways because of it. I hate to say it was a doom and gloom dream, but in a lot of ways it was. In it we (me and others) reached out to help others and they slipped right through our fingers. I can still feel the despair and ache for the loss.

There remains an urgency from the dream that remains with me even now.

I also recall meeting my guide and seeing him close up. I can’t believe I had forgotten it as it was while OOB somewhere between set 1 and 2 of my adventures this morning. When I saw him he was wearing one of those old west mustaches that curled just a little on the ends. As he is blonde, the mustache was quite in contrast to his complexion and he reminded me a little bit of Ewan McGregor. I remember saying to him, “You have a mustache now? Nice”. In my mind I can see him clearly as he winks at me, a twinkle in his eye and I think now how much fun he must have changing his appearance on me all the time. He is still himself, of course, just wearing a different costume like we all are. In reality you can never hide from those who truly know you.

I wasn’t going to write this post but I feel so peaceful and calm right now and wanted to write a bit about what I left out from this morning. It has been a spectacular day!

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OBE: Set Three

I settled back into my body briefly and thought about the odd OBEs I had just had. I concluded that I was being allowed to see a multidimensional aspect of myself. Curious, I fell back into the vibrations and left my body to see if I could find out more about this “other” me.

Warning: These OBEs are disturbing.

Murder and Deception

I found myself back in a discussion with my mother. Again, I noted her appearance and how different, how good, she looked.

She was again complaining about the new version of some program that had come out and how much work it would take her to redo her website. This is not like my mom at all as her career was education and she knows nothing about web design! She repeated the name of the program several times, and I tried to remember it but all I recall now is the number 8.

When she left the room, I began to walk down the hallway into an area of the house I had not yet explored. There was carpet under my feet and walls to either side of me. I looked up and was face-to-face with a man. Startled, I stared at him but he did not seem to see me.

He had medium brown hair and a beard and was very nice looking. I thought to myself, “He is me” and concluded that I was being allowed to watch this other version of me in another version of my life.

The same young, blonde girl from the other OBE approached him. I knew her name this time: Amber Crystal. She was again talking non-stop about something and did not notice the man’s obvious irritation. She was showing him this wooden object that looked like some kind of lever or maybe a giant corkscrew. She handed the object to the man who took it. He was more and more irritated by this time.

I recall switching from the observer me into the man at this time. I knew his thoughts. He thought about knocking the girl on the side of the head with the wooden object. I heard him think, “Oh well. Why not?” Then he took the object and hit her in the side of the head with so much force it knocked her down. He/I stood over her and watched the blood trickle down the side of her head. She was obviously unconscious, but was she dead?

At that moment, another blonde girl approached. I knew immediately that she was the older daughter, about 17, and her name was Stephanie. She said to him, “You weren’t suppose to do that yet!” He said to her, “I couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t shut up”. I got a feeling that they had planned to kill her but that he had done it prematurely. Why they were doing it, I didn’t know.

The older girl was upset and the man was irritated at her. He began to walk past her as she was saying something to him. He took the corkscrew and shoved it right between her eyes and left it there. She stood there stunned with it sticking out of her head. I don’t know if it killed her as my vision blacked out and I returned to my body.

Self-Mutilation

I found myself sitting on a bed that looked into another room. The room was vivid with a golden hue and there was a small baby on the floor playing. I remembered the last OBE and I was overcome with an impulsive urge to harm myself. I reached over and grabbed a heavy chisel and began to stab my right thigh with it over and over again. At first I thought it would hurt, but I felt nothing, only pressure, and even though I stabbed my flesh, there was no blood. It only left behind marks.

I stabbed and stabbed, the whole time watching the baby and thinking, “They are nothing more than animals”. Where this thought came from, I don’t know, but I was totally comfortable with thinking it and with stabbing myself. When I saw the baby I literally thought it a nuisance, like a mongrel on the street.

I then began to molest myself with the chisel, curious if it would hurt since it had not hurt to stab myself. I had no concern at all for my body nor was I feeling ashamed of what I was doing to myself. It felt like I was trying to punish myself but even that was not a thought.

I awoke with a pain in my second chakra as energy shot up from my root. My head was buzzing with energy that was so intense it nearly hurt. I was confused about the OBE. Why did I do that? Weird! Yet I had no feeling of shame or guilt at what I had just experienced/done. It seemed more like I had been someone else; not myself at all.

I did not go OOB after that but instead fell to sleep and awoke with a line from a song going through my head, “Won’t you lay me, won’t you lay me down”.

If anything, it appeared the OBE was meant to help clear a blockage in my first and second chakras. I believe I was allowed to view a dark side of myself. Thankfully, I did not reject it but allowed myself to be an emotionally objective observer.