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Dream Theme: 12

I’ve been slowly recovering from my most recent illness. I have a lingering cough along with mild fatigue that is most noticeable when I try and do any form of exercise. Every day I feel a tad bit better, though, which is good!

Not long ago I had a strange sensation that hit me when shopping. This was over the Thanksgiving break and I had hoped to get some Christmas shopping done, only I was feeling really tired and kinda out of it. While shopping I suddenly had this strange sensation that began in my right groin area and then spread out along the top of my thigh. It felt like I had wet myself – warm and wet. I looked down and nothing was there. I touched it to make sure it wasn’t wet – it wasn’t. It went away quickly so I forgot about it but it returned later on and then one more time after that.

That evening my right ankle started hurting for no reason. I thought it must be sciatica so I did some stretching but it only exacerbated the problem causing the pain to increase.

The ankle pain and the weird, warm, wet sensation are likely related. I am thinking it is nerve related. The wet warm feeling was so real! It really did feel like I wet myself! Each time it happened I thought I must be losing my mind. lol Thankfully the feeling has not returned and the ankle pain is gone, too.

Dream Theme: 12

For the past week I’ve been having random dreams, most of which I barely recall. When I do remember a dream, though, it usually has the number 12 in it. At first I didn’t think much of it until I had another dream with the number in it this morning. Afterward, on the way to work, I was thinking to myself, “I wonder if the number 12 has anything to do with the 12-12-12 gateway coming up? Hmmm, I bet it does…” As I looked up with this thought fresh in my mind I saw the car in front of me.

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It caught my attention and so I quickly snapped a photo to remind myself that when the Universe answers it does so in very obvious and synchronistic ways!

Now on to the dreams….

Dream, November 30th – Surrogate to Twinsย 

I had a long dream about being pregnant (new potential waiting to be born) with twins. I was not showing but reporting to the hospital to be induced. I knew that my twins – a boy and girl – would be going to two different families, adopted out, and I was a surrogate (giving of self for others). For some reason an old friend was there with me. I remember talking to him about the upcoming delivery as I waited for the doctor who never came. Turns out I was not meant to arrive until later, on the 12th. I also remember my hospital room number being 12.

My friend told me about how he got his heart broken and how difficult it has been for him to let anyone in ever since. In the dream I was like “Oh that makes so much sense” but now it is hard to recall exactly why I thought this. When he told me his story I saw it play out as if watching his memory unfold.

When it was time to leave, my friend helped me carry the things I had packed. I had in my hand folded clothing (projection of self, how one see’s self) in stacks. There was too much for one person to carry.

Then I was crossing over the hill toward my mom’s house. I was trying to pick veggies as I did but ended up needing help. My hands were holding a cord that was strung over the top of the road and I was hanging from it as I crossed. Someone helped me pull asparagus (erotic desires fulfilled) which I was intent on getting. The asparagus was much bigger than it should be, though.

Dream: Return to Haunted House

In this dream I was inside a house watching a young boy get an erection and have sex with a girl. I remember being shocked and saying, “He’s too young to do that!” Someone (me I think) informed me that he was 12 years old, so not too young.

As the dream progressed I realized I was the 12 year old boy’s twin (duality, two parts of whole) sister and he had been having sex with me. Very odd!

Throughout the dream there was a back story about my dog (protection, fidelity) being very ill. I was watching him, waiting for him to die, when I realized he may only need a drink of water. So I offered him some water and he drank it and slowly began to revive. I was surprised at how stupid I had been to not realize he was just really dehydrated.

Then I was talking to a man, my father I think, about returning to a house that was haunted to investigate and see if I could communicate with the ghost there. I went and watched from the outside for a while, then went inside. Others were with me and I recall going down into a lower level (subconscious) that was adjacent to a pool (cleansing, rejuvenation) that was outside. I went to use the bathroom (cleansing, seeking relief) and it was all set up so that someone could use the bathroom when swimming. I remember using the bathroom and then going to a table in the middle of the basement where a chocolate cake (pleasure) was being cut. I spoke to an older man about how he was selling pieces of cake on Amazon and how he hired a chef to cut the cake and mail out the pieces. I thought this seemed off but accepted it.

Then everyone was gone and I was outside the haunted house looking at it. It was getting dark and I was feeling a bit afraid so I sat in a chair across from an old abandoned mechanic shop. I began to sing in Light Language and as I did it was as if time reversed and the house was like new again as was the shop. I saw a young woman come out of the house ranting and raving. I walked up to her still singing in LL and she responded to me, looking at me and smiling. We got into good communication then and I recognized her as a friend. Not sure what we talked about now but it felt like I was freeing a trapped Spirit, probably a part of myself. ๐Ÿ™‚

Lucid dream: Broken Motorcycle

In this dream I was inside my house watching a child who was about 6 years old. Her parents were going to pick her up in the morning. I asked her when her bedtime was and she said, 6:30pm. She was only suppose to stay for 3 hours and I remember thinking it must be they thought two hours before bed and one in the morning. I asked her which bed she wanted to sleep in and she said my daughter’s.

There was a whole sequence about the girl waking up and wanting to play with my kids and then her parents picking her up. I opted to go to work early and found myself driving along a familiar road at 6:30am. This is when I became lucid in the dream.

Realizing it was too early I got the idea to pick up something for breakfast. I drove into a parking lot (delay) that was dimly lit and full of cars. I looked for a parking place and saw some shady young people, thugs, who began to follow me around. So I opted to just leave but the button that turned on my motorcycle (need for escape and adventure) would not turn it on. I began to fiddle with it and it broke off in my hand. The thugs were close and asking me what was wrong. I said the starter was broken but I pedaled it like a bike (taking a journey alone, independence) and left the area.

Then I was walking along a stone sidewalk next to some water. It reminded me of Venice. I saw some young people sitting on a pier and began to talk to them. I decided to take off all my clothes (projection of self) and jump in the water but with every layer it seemed there was another under it. I did get into the water and went up to a guy and his girlfriend. I kissed the guy and the girlfriend looked shocked. I laughed and left, reassuring her.

I kept walking and saw another couple up near a stone bridge. I went up to them and they were huddled together doing something. Curious, I asked them what they were doing and both had small stringed instruments and were playing music. I said it looked cool, turned around and saw a man watching. I went up to him and kissed him. He kissed me back, laughing.

Then I noticed a woman up on the bridge. I went up to her and recognized her. She was quite thin with dark hair and bright red lipstick on. She was upset and I hugged and kissed her, pulling her close to me trying to comfort her. I remember trying to take off my clothes again but never succeeding for the same reasons as before.

Then I was walking through a library (wisdom). I remember knowing I was looking for someone, someone who I resonated with. I saw lots of normal looking people and began to search their faces in hopes of finding someone who I had a connection with. Unfortunately I found none. Someone spoke to me asking me if maybe I should have been a man. It seemed like I was being given a choice to change genders. I laughed and said, “No way! I love the female body!” I remember thinking that the male body was generally unattractive and I would never want to give up the beautiful body I had in exchange for a masculine body.

Considerations

I find it interesting that both dreams that involve the number 12 also involve twins. My best guess is that the message about the 12th has to do with another aspect of myself or maybe becoming “whole” again. The sense I have about the number 12 is that it is merely a heads up of something to come. I am happy to wait and see what that something is.

The final dream was very lucid and I seemed to be on a mission to find someone who I felt a connection with. At first I was just kissing random people but eventually I remember deciding that I would have to be observant and patient to find what I was looking for. Perhaps that in itself was the message and lesson of the experience?

Finally, I did not mention there was another dream in between these three. In it I was released from prison. There was much symbolism in the dream but the main message seemed to be that I was soon to be “freed” from a trap/prison of some sort.

In the past I have had dreams of being in prison so it was refreshing to finally have a dream where I was being released from one!

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Round Three

Before I begin – Happy Thanksgiving to my readers in the U.S.! Wishing you a wonderful day with family and friends.

Unfortunately for me, I am spending this Thanksgiving holiday recovering from another round of illness. Right when I was starting to feel somewhat recovered from the flu my daughter came home from school feeling under the weather. Her symptoms were a headache, dry cough and fatigue. A couple of days later, I began to cough, too and the next day woke with a mild fever, horrible headache and all-over body aches. That same day I started my period (of course, right?). lol

All week I have been battling whatever this wonderful coughing illness alongside my daughter. Yesterday, my oldest son had a fever and coughing, too. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ So far my youngest has been spared.

I believe this new virus is RSV which is going around alongside the common cold, the stomach bug, strep throat and various strains of the flu. It typically lasts a week, sometimes longer. So that means I am at day 4 and my daughter is nearly over it. I can already tell today that is has nearly run its course because I am feeling much better compared to the last few days.

As a result of being sick I’ve been sleeping very good and for much longer than I usually do. Plus, with Thanksgiving break lasting a whole week there is no waking early to get the kids on the bus. It is has been really nice! This morning I slept until 8:30am! ๐Ÿ™‚

Healing and Dreams

I haven’t been keeping track of my dreams this week but do remember having strong energy in my solar plexus and heart a couple of times. My guess is it is more healing of which I am very grateful! I suspect my recent illnesses go hand-in-hand with some clearing.

Last night I had a very intense dream. I don’t recall too much of it as it seemed to span the entire night, but I remember enough.

In the dream I was at a large house visiting a family. I somehow knew the three children living in the house were mine but they did not resemble my kids in this lifetime. Their parents were a nice couple. The man was older and Hispanic. The woman I don’t recall much about. I believe the story was that I gave the couple custody of my children but I believe the reality was that I was reviewing another lifetime or time track and merely recognized the individuals as people I loved and felt a strong connection to.

I have memory of talking to the daughter who had long, dark hair and was very beautiful. I commented on her teeth and asked her if she was going to get braces. I also told her how beautiful she was. Again, she felt like my daughter but at the same time as if I was merely transferring the love I have for my own daughter to her.

There was a flash of a memory from this lifetime and I told the girl about it. The memory was from when my daughter turned 4 years old. I made her a special castle cake with fondant and everything and threw her a really big party. The memory brought on sudden emotion. Mostly I felt like I could never recover that time and there was a sadness for not enjoying those moments more. I cried from the loss and regret. My heart felt heavy and my entire body shuddered in response to my grief.

I remember telling someone about a decision I had made to return a favor to someone who had helped me out in another lifetime. I married this man despite knowing he would not be the love of my life, though I acknowledged that I did love him. The purpose was to allow him to be the one who made the money to support our family. In the previous lifetime I had been the one to take care of him, so we were switching places. When I described this I felt a surge of emotion hit me. My emotions were mixed. Some of it was extreme loyalty, some of it was love, some of it was gratitude. Along with the emotion was a consideration, a quiet thought from within that asked, “Maybe I am talking about my husband in this lifetime?” And there was a realization that I struggled with allowing him to take care of me.

Then my focus went back on the adoptive parents of my children. The father was ill and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the consideration that I would have to take care of my children by myself because the woman could not do it. I began to tell someone how I was not prepared, that at my age I should be able to take care of my children but could not. I mentioned how unprepared I felt and why. It was a very helpless, fearful feeling, like one feels when they turn 18 and have to make it on their own.

The last thing I recall is walking into the house and seeing my son. I went up to give him a hug and he rejected me. I knew he was autistic and avoided touching others so suggested, “Maybe just a tap on the shoulder then?” His response was to tap himself on the shoulder. lol I turned away from him and began to cry uncontrollably. Again, I was overwhelmed with emotion. This time it was mostly that I felt grief over the loss of a child and upset over knowing I would never receive love from him in the way I desired it. I felt rejection, disappointment and intense sorrow.

The grief woke me. My entire body was affected. It reminded me of the intense emotion I felt at the end of 2016. Perhaps my heart was opening again? If so, then it is a good thing. I just have to get through the barrage of emotion, emotion I have blocked out in order to protect myself.

My best guess is that I was being shown how every child on Earth is my child. Every husband is my husband. Every wife is me. And so on and so forth. In being shown this, I identified with and took on the emotions of them all.

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Recovery

I’m nearly recovered from the flu now. Unfortunately, now my oldest son has it and is home from school today with a 102ยฐ temperature. The upside to this is he is the last one to get it so when he recovers we should be done dealing with flu-symptoms.

We’ve never had the flu in our family. Honest. We don’t vaccinate against the flu, either. The last time I had the flu was my freshman year in college. Yeah, that long ago. I have to say, I prefer the flu to the stomach bug any day. Yet I’ve had the stomach bug more times than I can count in the last ten years. lol

I’ve been taking it easy as I recover. This flu lingers and the congestion and tiredness are the last to go. Yesterday was the first day that I felt recovered enough to do a little exercise. So I went for a run-walk with Monty (our mini-Aussie) and did a body weight leg workout when I got home. I didn’t feel the typical after-high of exercise, though. Instead, all I wanted to do was take a nap afterward. lolย  Thankfully it didn’t last and my afternoon was very productive. I made five jars of Calamondin marmalade from the Calamondins (tiny citrus fruit) I picked off our tree. ๐Ÿ™‚

More Healing Kundalini

Though I am sleeping well I have not been having much dream recall. My guess is that I am just too busy and stressed now with my own illness and each of my children getting the flu one by one. Have you ever tried having the flu full-on while your children also have it? Not fun!

This morning my youngest woke me at 5am. As I attempted to return to sleep I began to feel energy pooling in different chakras and various spots all over my body. The main chakra I felt it in was my solar plexus. I could feel the vortex of energy through the front and back of that area as energy felt to explode out of both sides. I could also feel energy in my neck around my throat.

Eventually the energy began to move and I could feel tendrils of it move up the right side of my body from my solar plexus to my neck and then up to my crown. It felt like hands cupping my head gently in warmth. Then I could feel it moving up my left side as well. It was much subtler and flickered in and out.

I enjoyed feeling this healing energy for a good hour.

Some information came to me as the Kundalini did its work. It seems my illness somehow assisted in clearing some blockages, specifically in my solar plexus and throat.

The healing comes at the perfect time. Tomorrow I have a consult with Bonnie Greenwell, author of The Kundalini Guide. I am looking forward to it.

 

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Kundalini Healing

I’ve been sick for a few days now with what I think is the flu. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ It has been bearable with a low grade fever, slight body aches, headache and tiny bit of congestion. Last night, though, it seemed to get worse and I went to bed with a fever and a horrible headache that Ibuprofen did not alleviate.

As I shifted into sleep, my headache kept waking me up and I felt really cold and uncomfortable. I requested healing, not expecting much of anything to happen. To my surprise, as soon as I asked, an energy spread quickly over my entire body. The energy was similar to what I have always called energy “hugs” but much more pronounced. The energy originated in my spine, in the center of my body just below my rib cage, and spread in waves up and down my body. When the energy got to my head and feet respectively it would shoot back toward the center of my body only to return back to my head and feet. The waves were so relaxing – but that was not the best part. The energy erased all pain from my body COMPLETELY. It was such a relief! No headache. No body aches. No chills.

The energy remained for a while and then slowly subsided. My headache and other aches and pains stayed away and I fell asleep.

I woke at least five more times throughout the night for various reasons. Usually the headache was back or I would feel uncomfortable or just generally unwell. Each time I requested healing and each time the energy waves would come, erase all pain, and I would fall back to sleep.

Fascinated, I recall considering what was happening and ended up dreaming about the answer.

Dream: Healing Trinity

I remember being shown three healing lines. They came together to form an arched inverted triangle. The triangle was gold and brilliant. When I saw it I knew that it’s purpose was healing. For some reason I attributed each of the lines to the trinity, pointing to each line and naming them – Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Then I was at my Mom’s house explaining to her what I had learned. I was relieved and happy. My Mom then mentioned a man who kept coming to the house. He had been told to stop coming so he would send others in his place to tend to a pet he kept there, which was his excuse to keep coming. My mom told me to be careful of him because he was acting like a “stalker”.

Eventually I met the man. He had recently left the Army and was struggling to make ends meet. He was young, with dark hair and somewhat familiar. He had with him a book he was creating full of illustrations. He opened one page to show me that he had included my information on the healing trinity in it. I was shocked that he had included it without first asking me. When I looked at it, though, he had changed the drawing so that the trinity was filled with stones and resembled a stone wall.

The man spent much of the dream staring into space, What was odd is I could hear his thoughts. He was stressing over things in his life and not paying much attention to anything else. I psychically began to pick up on stuff for him and asked him, “Do you have a balloon mortgage?” He said, “Yeah, I do.” I told him, “You need to be careful with that.” He said, “Yeah, I know,” and acted a bit defensive. He made excuses, specifically that he could not find appropriate work. I suggested he work with his hands and we discussed him mowing lawns and providing handyman services. I remember feeling sad for him as the dream ended.

The last thing I said to him was, “Focus on your heart when you meditate.” He looked at me strangely.

As I woke I was thinking or hearing (not sure which), “Don’t be surprised if you have a huge heart opening.”

Considerations

When I woke I still had a headache but it was slight. The minute I began to think about how uncomfortable it was, the energy manifested, spreading up and down my spine and wrapping me in bliss. The pain vanished and I lay there thinking how amazing it was. It felt just like I had been given a strong pain reliever only it was energetic. I didn’t think such a thing was possible! But then, why not?

The dream I had seems to indicate the energy has to do with the trinity somehow. I have received similar messages in the past but never quite fully understood why.

An occult description of the Caduceus of Hermes (Mercury) is that the serpents represent positive and negative charges of kundalini as it moves through the chakras and around the spine (the staff) to the head where conscious perception occurs, the domain of Mercury the messenger. The wings of Hermes represent consciousness or Spirit. The “flow” signifies consciousness and perception–for no flow, means no lifeforce. Spiritual evolution is an ever increasing relationship with the neutral ground between the play of opposites. The Trinity is also observable in the caduceus: the helix is the Son (matter), the staff is the Father (zero-point ground) and the wings are the Holy Ghost (tangible perception of spirit). From Biology of Kundaliniย 

My guidance was using the trinity to explain the healing I was receiving. Did they mean that I was able to experience this instant reduction in pain because the three components – matter, zero-point ground and tangible perception of spirit – were present? Maybe?

I did not quite understand what was meant by zero-point ground. This was the explanation:

At the ground of matter there is the Quantum Field, or Void, Vacuum, Zero-point Energy. At the ground of mind and thought there is Sunyata, Emptiness, Void, Absolute Unity Being.

Whatever the meaning, I am happy to know that the trinity was present within me enough to give me relief from the pain of illness. And although I still have lingering symptoms today, I feel like I am recovering little by little.

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Kundalini Dream: Plane Romance

The last two nights I have had trouble falling to sleep. Last night it was because of having to cough. When the weather turns cold like it did recently, dropping 25 degrees in a few hours, my allergies tend to flare up causing my eyes to water, my nose to run and my throat to tickle from all the post nasal drip. The general sense I get, though, is that my sleeplessness is also from the full moon energies right now which feel pretty intense.

I had an interesting dream that woke me this morning.

Dream: Plane Romance

I was on a very large airplane (goals materializing, advancement or rising about troubles/problems) with lots of other people. I sat in a row that had many more seats than I a normal plane would. There was someone walking up and down the isle calling names from a list. It felt like we all worked together and the names were being called for the person to report or maybe get a reward or both. I can’t remember.

I sat two seats from the isle where the man was walking. There was a man next to me who was attractive but I don’t remember much about what he looked like. He was clean cut, though, with short hair that was either blonde or light brown, and had a very ordinary face, almost boyish looking.

There was a sense that he and I knew each other well and it was not long before he hugged me and we began to kiss. I could feel my lower chakras explode in a pleasurable sensation and for some reason I felt fear or concern over this and pulled away. I then left him behind and went searching for my blanket (protection). I walked all over looking for it and began to ask people if they had seen it. One woman asked what it looked like and I could not remember what color it was, only that it was big. As I told her I thought it was blue I saw a bunch of blue blankets all around me but none of them was mine.

Eventually I returned back to my seat awaiting the calling of my name, which I never heard called in the dream. The man was still there and he turned to me and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. I looked up at him, he was about a foot taller than me, and said, “I’m sorry I pulled away. The feeling you give me scares me.” He looked pensive for a moment and then said, “Oh, that’s interesting.” For a moment it seemed like he did not know what to make of what I had just told him. I got a sense that his experience wasn’t like mine.

We began to kiss again and the experience was very real, causing an increase in lucidity. I could feel him pressing himself into my hips and upper leg. My lower chakras began to erupt in a pleasurable way.

There was a loud sound, like a thump, and I jumped back for a moment. My thought at this time was that someone might see us and we would be found out. I was worried about this for some reason.

We continued to kiss passionately and my lower chakras expanded as an energy started traveling slowly upward. My second chakra seemed huge and I could feel energy entering my solar plexus.

The intensity of the energy woke me and I lingered in bed for some time feeling the strong energy in my first two chakras. I took a moment to imagine the energy rising up my spine to better distribute the energy. This helped and soon everything balanced out.

Considerations

It seems that I am resisting the K rising at this time. It is odd that my fear of being “found out” has returned. I thought I had resolved that. I use to feel very guilty about my dream “flings” and then shifted into a full acceptance of them. Once I fully accepted the experience the K was able to rise. I know I made a decision not long ago that I should stay away from the very intense, sexual K energy because it was not helpful and seemed to cause a kind of obsessiveness with it. But perhaps I need to undo that decision? Resistance is never helpful with the K. It only creates problems – physical and/or emotional – and leads to delays.

I was reminded of something I recently read in Bonnie Greenwell’s book, The Kundalini Guide. In it she mentions how the lower chakras can feel especially sexual and intense. She says some teachings suggest those who have intense energy in the second chakra tell students to go out and get it out of their system. She doesn’t really agree with this, instead she suggests using gentle practices to encourage the energy to move upward. It is clear, though, that avoidance will not help regardless.

The blanket part of the dream is interesting to me. I seem intent on finding mine. Lately I have had many dreams and OBEs with blankets in them. They seem to symbolize protection or something that provides security and comfort. When I woke and was thinking of this my guidance told me, “You don’t need that (the blanket). You are always protected.”

It is strange to me that I would think I need protection from the intensely sexual energy I was feeling. Why does it scare me? When I have felt the energy in the past I have had considerations that it is “bad” or “sinful” and that “nothing good comes from it.” My guess is that I have had past lives where this feeling/energy consumed me and caused me to respond to it in negative ways with poor life choices. I do know I have killed myself in at least two other lives because of feelings arising out of such intense sensations.

It reminds me of the early time prior to my first major rising of the K when I had many dreams and OBEs where I would be confronting this HUGE energy and avoiding it out of fear that it would “take over” or be the end of me. Over time this subsided and I shifted to embracing the energy, which did not kill me as I felt it would. So it is likely this fear is unfounded and won’t last long. Once I embrace the energy/feeling, it will transform as it is meant to.

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A Taste of Trance Mediumship

First off, I’m not a trance medium. I’ve always wished I could do it, though. And I tried.

I had a friend from the UK who was a hypnotherapist. He successfully put one of my friends into trance and my guide, Steven, came through her. Wow, what an experience that was! I could hear him in my mind and through my friend’s lips at the same time. It was truly amazing to me to have my experiences validated like that. What is even more amazing was that the recording taken of event was all static. You couldn’t hear anything intelligible.

My hypnotherapist friend tried to put me into a deep enough trance state so I could step aside and allow Spirit to come through, but I never could give up control. ๐Ÿ˜ฆย  It was exasperating to me! Eventually, I just gave up.

Skip forward to two nights ago. I had been feeling Spirit around me and as I prepared for bed the sense was very strong. With all that has been going on with me, though, I was wary of opening myself up. So I put up protection, stated that only my guides and angels were allowed around me and in my room, and attempted to go to sleep.

But I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake and could still feel Spirit nearby, to my left.

My mind wandered, focused on a specific consideration. I had been watching Ghost Adventures earlier in the evening and for some odd reason I kept thinking about the many instances in which they would capture orbs seeming to enter and then leave the investigators. With these instances there is always a shift in the person the Spirit “enters”. Sometimes it is subtle, other times they seem to be “possessed”. I began to consider that maybe some of my experiences have been similar, specifically those in which I am in the in-between, just on the edge of sleep/waking.

My mind kept visualizing Spirit coming into my body and causing my perception to change either by shifting my thoughts and emotions or causing me to hear voices or feel odd sensations. This bothered me for some reason and I told my guides, “I don’t want that.” At the time it seemed like I was being asked to consider allowing the Spirit in my room to do this and for some weird reason I was frightened of it.

As is my tendency when I am deep in conversation/thought with my guidance, I must have drifted into the in-between state. Somehow I missed this entirely, too caught up in my considerations about the topic.

The next thing I know I am in a lucid dream type situation talking with someone I cannot see. I don’t hear their voice, either. What I remember most acutely is that whoever I was speaking just “walked” or moved their energy into mine. When this happened my energy shifted dramatically and I felt to be “pushed” aside. I have no other way to describe it than that. I was in my body and then I was pushed aside, still in it but not in control of it.

The pressure was intense and then began to build, specifically in my throat area. It felt like I was going to throw up words as a voice that was not my own struggled to speak through my mouth. This alarmed me and I nearly choked as I resisted, though for some odd reason I wasn’t afraid. I recall knowing the words that were trying to come out but it was not MY knowing, it was someone else’s. They were trying to say, “Hello.”

At this point I knew exactly what was happening and without thinking I took my body back. It felt like I snatched it up like a child who who just had their toy stolen by another child.

Whoever the Spirit was did not resist. The feeling from them was apologetic and somewhat passive. Very obviously female and someone who had been quiet and hesitant to just take control like that without permission.

My next memory is being back in my body in full-blown hypnagogia accompanied by intensely strong vibrations. I felt like I was being shaken up and down and back and forth at the same time. The vibrations were most intense in my chest/heart. This lasted quite a while. I suspect I stayed in this state so long because the Spirit woman was still so close, her energy still mingling with my own.

When the vibrations and imagery started to fade and I opened my eyes I was a bit shocked, wondering if I had somehow given this Spirit permission via a conversation I couldn’t recall.

Of course sleep wouldn’t come after that. I kept falling back into the deep trance state and each time I would pull myself out of the hypnagogia and vibrations in order to avoid the “takeover” from happening again. This happened at least four more times before I fell asleep. No more Spirit takeovers, though. lol

Considerations

Ultimately, I realized that what I experienced was exactly what I had tried to induce for over a year so many years ago. It is quite funny, actually, especially when I realized that every time I communicated with Spirit I allowed a mingling of their energy with mine, just not a complete merging of energies like what is needed for trance mediumship.

I probably have had Spirit takeover like that while I’m sleeping. They see me “open” and they take advantage. How frequently this happens, I don’t know. And it probably happens to other people, too, whether they know it or not. Sometimes when I return to my body I catch a glimpse of them or hear them. None have been malevolent. Most have been playing around; mischievous. I’ve had them try to scare me more times than I can remember, too. lol I’m usually just irritated that they woke me or up bored with their games.

It takes quite a bit to scare me now days.

For this particular female Spirit to attempt to takeover in such a way, she must have something really important to say. I haven’t taken the time to bother to ask, though. My guess is she has been around me a while now, too.

I am reminded of that scene in Ghost when Whoopi Goldberg is channeling Sam and the impatient man in Spirit jumps in without her permission. LOL

My unexpected taste of trance mediumship was not a bad one. It was odd. Very unlike anything I have experience before, at least while conscious like that. I most definitely went into a void before it happened. It was like I shifted similar to when I go OOB. Then I was talking with the Spirit, she took over and the whole thing played out.

The sensation in my throat was the strangest part. I could feel her struggling to take over my voice and it resulted in a feeling akin to needing to vomit, only energetically. I think if she had just kept quiet for a while that I would not have even been disturbed by the whole thing and maybe the speaking part would have been less difficult. But who knows? Either way, I am fascinated!

 

 

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Protect, Cleanse, Detoxify

I can’t believe it’s been over a week since my last post. Life has just been busy here and the energy shifts have not helped. Up, down, shake-up, toss and pull yourself up by your bootstraps kinda energy. lol

For example, I was so dead tired Saturday that I was beginning to think I was getting sick only to wake up today feeling normal again. And throughout the week my sleep has been odd. I either sleep so deeply I can’t recall my dreams or I wake up too early and have really strange dreams (like helping hatch a baby quail whose parents are as big as a person).

The veil seems to be really, really thin right now, too. My guess is it might have to do with it being Samhain (November 1st), when it is said that Spirit and the Gods are made more visible to mankind. I also sense that those Spirits trapped here on Earth (unconscious earthbounds/ghosts) are “waking up” and seeking the Light in droves, like a “clearing” out of the lower astral realms and those previously unable to recognize their own death. It feels like a flushing out of the shadowy depths of the unknown and unseen. Most wouldn’t even notice, but I do. I feel them. One made me smell and taste onion the other day and another was praying in Spanish as I awoke a couple of mornings ago.

I’ve been in major protection mode lately as a result. I don’t need any hitchhikers nor do I want any invasive thoughts that do not belong to me. I’ve had enough of that and I prefer the quiet of my mind to the paranoia and panic that ensues when I let my guard down. Violet Flame and white light of protection, smudging and incense, Light Language, candles and crystals – I’m using them all right now!

I’ve determined it is especially important to take care of myself right now, not only spiritually but emotionally and physically as well. I’ve recently done a ton of research into two topics specifically: Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) and Ayurveda for the purpose of cleansing and balancing the body and hormones.

HSP’s

If you are an empath then you are an HSP. They are one in the same. If you are a perfectionist you are probably an HSP as well, though the two are not mutually exclusive. If you happen to be a perfectionist and an HSP, then I feel for you as it is really tough.

The root issue for HSP’s who are perfectionists is they never feel good enough. They work hard to be the best but never seem to feel good enough. It is all because they make their work about them which perpetuates the self-worth wound. If your self-talk is “you” focused such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m nothing”, then you are you-focused in your work and life. Being “other” focused will shift it all and pull you out of the cycle.

You have to shift the paradigm of worthiness and the only way to do that is to take the focus off of yourself.

Maybe that is why I always feel so much happier when I am working a job that puts me in service of others – teacher, counselor, psychic, medium?

There is also the fear of the spotlight and of succeeding. Ouch! The only way out of that is to step into that fear, put yourself out there and succeed despite yourself.

Tools for managing your highly sensitive nature:

  1. Identify and understand YOUR needs. What brings your soul comfort? DO IT! What things calm you down, bring you joy, give you a sense of peace? Find them, do them frequently or whenever you feel overwhelmed, anxious, scattered, or ungrounded.
  2. Regularly have bodywork sessions – massage, acupuncture, sauna, physical activity (running, walking). HSPs tend to try and escape their body. HSPs tend toward being ungrounded, so anything that brings you back into your body – DO IT!
  3. Take care of your spiritual body – crystals, Reiki, meditation, qui-gong, yoga. Black crystals are best for grounding and protection such as smokey quartz, obsidian and onyx.

Ayurvedaย 

I have been drawn to Ayurveda for a while, specifically to help with fluctuating hormones and adrenal fatigue.

Notes from a recent online class I took:

Vata and Pitta are the areas to focus on when it comes to symptoms of peri-menopause and menopause.

For Hot Flashes – 1tsp Ghee and 1tsp Cardamon in hot water every morning. Drink coconut water throughout the day (cooling). Cut out sugar, alcohol, white flours, fried and processed foods. Take Omega-3 and Omega-6 (Evening Primrose Oil) supplement. Sugar is directly linked to hot flashes!! The higher the sugar intake, the more frequent and severe the hot flashes.

Routine is important – wake and sleep at the same time, eat the same foods, do the same practices (yoga, exercise, meditation, etc). Don’t change just because it is the weekend.

For anxiety – vata/pitta imbalance, do small detox sessions. Detox of mung soup and veggies all day for 1 full day. No sugar, no dairy, no gluten, no refined oils. Completely vegetarian, lots of water with ginger, and teas. Cook your veggies (nothing fried). You can make a smoothie in the morning with fresh greens and fruit.

Liver is very important in estrogen dominance!

If you wake between 1-3am with or without hot flashes this is sign that your liver needs to be detoxed (it’s the liver meridian).

Estrogen dominance symptoms – Hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain, heavy periods, cramping, changes in PMS, fibroids, cysts, fibrous breasts all caused by zeno estrogens.

Toxic estrogens, or zeno estrogens come from chemicals or toxins in the environment such as parabens, phthalates, and plastics or synthetic hormones (birth control). These build up if the liver is not at 100%. Liver cleanse will help get liver to 100%.

Ways to cleans liver naturally:

  • Movement, keep the blood moving, exercise every day 15 minutes or more at moderate intensity
  • Eat avocado, asparagus, onions, garlic
  • Work on improving gut health – no sugar, refined foods, take probiotics, eat fermented foods.
  • Eat lots of cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, brussel sprouts (4 servings a day)
  • Supplements – black pepper, broccoli seed extract, calcium, DIM, methalated B-vitamins and folic acid, glutathione
  • Dandelion root tea or greens, any bitter greens, radishes, increase fiber intake

For 1 week liver cleanse:

Eat: Fruits, veggies (mung soup), flax seed, drink teas with dandelion root. Juicing your veggies is okay but cooked veggies are preferred.
Take 4-5 charcoal capsules during the day and then take magnesium supplement at night. Visit a sauna daily or take Epsom salt baths daily. If you are really symptomatic you can do coffee enema.

For adrenal fatigue: Eat adaptogens such as – rhodiola, licorice root (not if you have high BP), Siberian Gensing, Ashwaganda, holy basil. Eat frequently, stress lowers blood sugar! Slow down and calm down as often as you can. Meditate. Magnesium supplement in tea every night.

For low progesterone – take borage oil, evening primrose oil, and black current seed oil. Take Vitex/Chasteberry supplement or use progesterone creams (plant based). No synthetic progesterones (birth control).

The Ayurvedic one-day cleanse (can be done more than one day):

Donโ€™t eat: โ€ข All sources of gluten such as wheat, spelt, rye, kamut, couscous, bulgur โ€ข Re๏ฌned sugar (avoid pastries, fast food, soft drinks, fruit juice) โ€ข Red meat, poultry, ๏ฌsh and sausages โ€ข Animal byproducts such as dairy and eggs โ€ข Fried foods high in saturated fats โ€ข Tomatoes โ€ข Re๏ฌned oils โ€ข Preservatives

Do eat: โ€ข Fresh, organic foods (ideally prepared at home). โ€ข Mostly vegetables (go for green) โ€ข Fruitย โ€ข Foods rich in antioxidants, minerals, vitamins, ๏ฌbre โ€ข Lots of Mung beans in any form – they do balance and detox and work miracles on your hormones

EAT LOTS OF: Zucchini Broccoli Spinach Witloof Kale Cabbage/ Chinese cabbage Chard Fennel Artichokes Radish bok choi Asparagus Celery Brussel sprouts Bell peppers

Magical mung soup recipe for harmonizing and detoxing body and mind.

Soak one cup of green organic mung beans and soak them overnight. The next day wash the mung beans and then put them with 4 cups of water and some Himalayan salt in a pressure cooker until the beans are soft. It takes around 25 minutes until the beans are soft. If you donโ€™t have a pressure cooker it will take 40-45 minutes until they are cooked.

Take another vessel and add 1 tablespoon of Ghee, 1/2 tsp of turmeric 1/2 tsp of mustard seeds 1 tsp of cumin powder 1 tsp of coriander powder 2 tsp of fresh ginger, chopped Garlic if desired 1-2 pinches of Asafoetida ( Hing) Salt per taste Heat the Ghee and put ๏ฌrst the mustard seeds in the hot ghee and wait until they pop, then add the remaining herbs and allow them to get brown.

Then add the mung beans and mix it all together and allow the beans to cook for another 5 minutes. Finally add some fresh chopped coriander leaves and some ghee on top and ENJOY!

Source:ย Theheartswisdom.com

 

 

 

 

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OBE: Impressionable

It has been an eventful few days. It feels like some major shifts are underway, and not just energetically.

First, I’ve had some developments in terms of my spiritual services. For the first time in a while I did a session in my own home. I smudged the entire home first and then set up an area downstairs. The energy felt very good and balanced and the session went well. With my children gone at school all day I can return to offering my services in-person and so this was the first step in doing that.

Another interesting development was that yesterday I was offered a part-time personal training job at the YMCA. I applied back at the end of September and out of the blue they called, interviewed and offered me a job on the spot. I have yet to receive the paperwork I need to complete but feel like this is an opportunity to go in a new direction if I want.

Spiritually, yesterday I felt strong energy in my third-eye. It has been such a long time since I have experienced that, so it was nice! I have been feeling less and less anxious, too, which is wonderful and could indicate a successful clearing of a stubborn blockage.

Then last night I had an unexpected OBE followed by a dream where I was given a message.

OBE: Impressionable

I had a few exits from my body. When I exited the first time, I went out my bedroom door and was pull right back into my body. The second time I felt like I had blankets wrapped around my feet. I kicked them off and headed out into the hallway. I tried to look at my hands to solidify my energy, but couldn’t see them. My vision would not turn on. My energy felt odd, too – not heavy, not unstable, just different. I remained in this portion of the astral for a while but I don’t remember much now. I think I ran into my middle son, though. I also believe I made it outside because that is where I was when I went back to my body.

On my third exit I came out of my body feeling much more stable. I could see but it was dark in my bedroom. I moved through the hallway and down the stairs where I encountered my sons. They were very active, like flying in zigzags around me similar to how they act when they are playing. I invited them to come outside with me and they did.

Outside it was dark and unfamiliar. The streets were there but not in the right place. I recall walking down the street with my son when I saw a young man walking toward us. He had on a hooded sweatshirt and was no one I knew. I approached him and asked him who he was. I suspected he was not real but when he responded intelligently I remember correcting myself aloud saying, “Oh, you aren’t a ghost” or something similar.

Then a strange looking vehicle came to pick up the young man. It was triangle shaped and low to the ground. The top of the triangle was the roof and it was flat. I jumped on top of it and sat down, noticing the two doors hinged open, connected the the top. I said, “Wow! We must be in the future!” I don’t recall if the vehicle had wheels. I don’t think so.

Then my vision began to fade out and I felt like I was going to go back to my body. I didn’t want this so remember talking to myself about how to get more stable. I began to look up at the sky, which I couldn’t see, and tell myself how I controlled my experience. I said, “The sky is beautiful” and imagined a colorful sunrise/sunset with oranges and yellows, fluffy clouds, etc. To my surprise the picture manifested, chasing away the darkness. I floated face up there a while marveling at the sky.

To my surprise, my vision blacked out for a while and I felt myself making a shift. When my vision returned I was inside a room full of individual, divided desks like you would see at a testing center. Some of the desks had people sitting at them. I walked around the room, seemingly talking to myself about whether I had time to do what I needed to and decisions that needed to be made. I can’t recall now what it was, though. It felt like I was being asked to make an appointment. Maybe to take a test or be evaluated? Whatever it was, it felt like I was seeking counsel.

The room layout had the desks in a U-shaped format and as I walked back around to the start of it I encountered a woman sitting at a desk. Her location in the room made her seem like a proctor or at the very least a teacher. When I saw her my entire OBE solidified instantly. Her face became the focal point, crystal clear in my vision to the point that I do not even remember her having a body. When I saw her I studied her face a while and thought to myself, “I know her.” She was about my age, plain looking with her brown hair pulled back tightly around her face. Her face was oval with a prominent chin. She had brown eyes and thin lips.

She spoke to me. “You’re impressionable,” she said matter-of-factly. I was still staring at her marveling at how crystal clear she was and how real the experience was.

A female voice from behind me said, “You’re suppose to be here to help.” I glanced behind me and saw the voice came from a student dressed in plain clothing that looked like a uniform.

I responded to both of them with, “I’m definitely not very welcoming.” I smiled, laughing a bit but they did not laugh. Realizing this was “serious” I focused back on the woman.

She said to me, “You still have a little time left.” As she said this, she turned to a bulletin board as if showing me something, but I didn’t look at the board so I don’t know if it had any information on it pertaining to me.

I woke not long after the last message. I returned to my body slowly and recall not resisting it. A part of me wanted to wake up.

Message

It was 4:30am. I couldn’t return to sleep after that. There was more to the words throughout this interaction. Most of it was unsaid; telepathic. I was going over and over the memory. I knew I needed to remember.

When I was told I was impressionable I felt like it had to do with life distracting me. Physical life changes my personality. I go from free-loving, free-flowing, open and positive to overly serious and easily bogged down by things that are not really important. However, upon further inspection, it could have been that she wanted me to know that I am open or receptive right now.

When I was reminded that I am here to help, I recall thinking I was suppose to be “welcoming” others to Earth. There was more a feeling of this than a thought. A visual comes to mind. I am standing, waiting at the threshold between the old and the new Earth. People come through this opening or gate and I welcome them. These people are just waking up. It feels like my job is to greet and direct them on to their destination. I knew I was not doing a good job of it, which is why I laughed saying I was not very welcoming.

I am then reminded that I chose to stay a bit longer. My previous dream comes to mind where I felt I was given an option to stay here and continue this life/work or go to a healing place and resume my work as a teacher. How much time “a little time” is, I don’t know.

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Dream: Godmother

Somehow I managed to fall asleep and entered into a semi-lucid dream at my grandparent’s old house. Inside it looked more like a doctor’s office, though. I was taken to a room, which had a patient chair draped in white, and directed to lay on it. I did as I was told. An older woman with gray hair entered the room. I called her by name but all I remember of the name is “Godmother”. The woman began to tell me things about another person, things I needed to know in order to help them. The person was male but she never gave a name. She told me that he was likely to fixate on something. All I remember of the details are images that resembled a calendar with weeks highlighted. It felt like he would be fixated on something for weeks. I remember feeling a bit out of it during this time, like I was in a trance or like I was not meant to remember the details so my memory was wiped or a block was placed.

The woman left and I realized she had never told me his name. I got up and followed her. When I saw her I tapped her on the back to get her attention. When she turned around she looked different, old and gray but different, but I knew it was still her. I said, “What is his name? You never told me his name?” She said, “How should I know?” I said, “How am I suppose to help him if I don’t know his name?” She never answered and I shifted into another dream.

 

 

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Messages: You are Resilient. Invoke the Violet Flame.

The last few days the energy seems to have evened out somewhat. There was a shift a couple of days ago and ever since the theme for me has been healing, cleansing and purification.

Message: You Are Resilient

Yesterday morning I awoke at around 5am and then lingered in the in-between for quite some time.

I remember feeling vibrations deep within my core. They were very slight but noticeable and I felt them slowly moving upward chakra by chakra. When they got to my solar plexus I looked closer and saw what looked like a slug or leech. I remember surrounding it with Light and imagining it extinguished and it disappeared. Then the vibrations moved up and before I knew it they were in my head. Very subtle but there.

The whole time I was talking with someone, a guide I guess, and he was telling me how resilient I am. He said, “You are resilient. I love you for your resilience.” The day before, out of the blue, I felt this love and had a visual of my face being caressed and looking so peaceful and relaxed. A message came through that I was loved and everything would be alright. The sender of both messages felt to be the same.

Then there is memory of a young man with dark hair and a very energetic spirit. He approached me, called me Becca and told me his name was Jeremy. I remember recognizing his energy and becoming alarmed because I had not expected to run into this specific person again. I also wondered why he was so young and why he was calling me by another name.

The young man was showing me all the ways he loved me. I saw four pages as if from a book but they were spread out like the four directions, floating mid-air with writing on them. He told me, “How do I love you? Let me count the ways.” I remember feeling love for him, too, a romantic soul deep love.

What he was saying to me came from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise,
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Message: Invoke the Violet Flame

I had a dream that seemed to span the entire night. In the beginning of the dream I was waiting for a coworker – another teacher – to be ready to move forward with something we were going to do together. This coworker kept changing their mind and I remember feeling like they were holding me back. I think, also, that someone told me, “Don’t let them hold you back.”

There is an entire scene where I get tired of waiting and fly off the balcony over a busy highway, but only one side of the highway is busy (the side going right), the other is clear (the side going left). I know the cause of the traffic is an accident. I enter into a car where another person is waiting for me and we drive away in the opposite direction of the traffic.

Then I was being led through a very special school located “South”. The layout was unconventional with each classroom being separate from the others and courtyards connecting them all. The courtyards had gardens, pools, trees and wide open spaces. I remember talking to the principal who introduced me to many of the teachers. I went into classrooms to observe and recall discussing how special the place was. Everyone I spoke to seemed to want me to stay there, to work alongside them helping the children. I knew it was a healing place.

I lingered in one classroom and spoke to a teacher there for a while. Each student worked at their own pace and had so much more freedom than the conventional student. One of the students in particular was discussed – how she took longer on assignments than the other students but how it didn’t matter because they all worked at their own paces. All students were treated the same. It was made clear to me that I was wanted there, that I would be an asset. I was asked at least three times to come work there. I felt a call to stay. I felt needed but I also felt drawn to be there, like I belonged. And I wanted to help them – the students. Each of them was precious to me. I loved them all.

A teacher approached me, asking me if I would like to stay. I told her I couldn’t. In my mind I saw my family and obligations to them and knew I couldn’t stay there. The woman opened her arms and pulled me close to her. I felt she was like me and that she intended to heal me. She said, “Invoke the Violet Flame.” Instantly I could feel this energy wrap around me like a blanket. The feeling made me cry.

At one point it began to rain (purification) and I watched a student jump head first into a swimming pool. I reached in and pulled something out – like a heavy weight (burdens of life) – and she floated to the top, unharmed.

As I got closer to the end of the dream I was being led down a hallway by a woman. I remember wanting to stay but knowing I had to leave. The hallway led away from the school and was very long and bright gold in color. I could not see what was at the end.

As we walked we passed by a woman who was standing in front of a stroller with two babies – twins – in it. They appeared alive at first but then seemed to be doll-like and unreal. The woman was crying and very upset, wailing about how they had not come for them yet. She kept repeating, “Why have they not come for them yet?” When I spoke to her she said her twins had died in an accident and “they just left them here”. I turned around and hugged her close saying to her, “Don’t worry. You will have your chance to grieve.” My heart was overflowing with sympathy for this woman and her grief became my own. I burst into tears and woke up.

Considerations

When I woke from the second dream it felt as if I had been given a choice – I could choose to stay in that healing place, teaching and helping the children there, or I could return to my life and my family and obligations on Earth. I am fairly certain that I was taken to the Other Side, to be shown my “work” when I am not on Earth. The draw to stay was strong but my duties here on Earth were stronger.

The healing from the woman was distinct as was her message about the Violet Flame. I intend to use it more frequently now.

The woman who was waiting for her twins to be taken and the grief she felt seemed to mirror my own grief. I told her not to worry, that she would get a chance to grieve. It makes me wonder if that message was meant for me.

In other dreams and OBEs I have been drawn to working with the children and babies. In one OBE, I was taken to a “hub” where people who had died were standing in line to be sent off to their next destination. I recall being distracted by a section that was full of children and babies and their caretakers. It had a playground and everything. I went over to one of the caretakers who was holding an infant in her arms and felt immense joy at the thought of working with the children.

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Dream “Shake-Up”

I felt unsettled last night. I kept waking up and when I did sleep it was quite light.

Dream: Shake-Up

In this dream I was with a few other people inside a large building that housed an empty indoor pool. My memory is hazy but I was being asked to hurry and go with them back to school, but I turned around and told them I had to get something. I ran across the empty pool, from the deep to the shallow end, and went inside a room. The room looked to be a bedroom and I thought of it as the room of my sister. My intention was to go through her stash of snacks.

When I got to her dresser and opened the drawer I started grabbing snacks by the handful, specifically looking for chocolate. I recall seeing a bag of cigarettes. The boxes were completely white with no markings but I knew that was what they were. I left them alone, took a bunch of sugary snacks and left.

I recall the walk across the empty pool took longer than I expected. It was enormous! As I got to my friends waiting on the deep end they pointed behind me. When I turned and looked I saw two people coming out of the back door I had just come through. I knew to hurry up and get away from them. For some reason one of them, the man, felt like the principal and I felt like I had done something wrong.

When I reached the other side a female friend and I began to walk along a sidewalk. She spoke to me about all the classwork I had missed and would need to make up. I responded that I thought that I could make it up since I had been sick. She seemed to indicate that I was faking and I told her, “Well I am back now aren’t I?” I remember that I had come back to school after being gone for a very long time – months maybe. The assignment we were talking about came into my mind as a visual of popcorn. It was odd.

At one point the woman got upset with me. She put her hands on my shoulders and began to shake me while saying, “You need to stop prostituting yourself!” The shaking was vigorous but what she said is what got my attention the most. I woke up.

When I woke I felt weird. I was laying on my left side and so turned to lay on my back. It seemed to me like the shaking was a warning that my guidance cannot do anything to help me if I don’t help myself. My heart was skipping beats and I think I was feeling residual energy and vibrations at the same time. It was not a comfortable feeling so I got up to use the bathroom, got back in bed and tried to settle down.

Also, there was another shaking episode before this but I don’t remember anything except the sense of being shaken.

Dream: Hospital Treatment

I entered into another dream where I found myself inside a hospital waiting to see the doctor. There was memory of recently having gone through a procedure related to my heart. I remember hearing people discussing my case but can’t recall specifics. I felt somewhat out of it, like in a daze – how I suspect someone would feel who just got told they had a terminal illness. All I wanted to do was find a bed and go to sleep.

I lingered near a shelf full of pills and vitamins and picked up a large bottle. I remember thinking it was massive and was what the doctor had prescribed me. I also knew I would have to take them the rest of my life. The bottle ended up empty except for two pills – one was a multi-mineral pill (large and speckled) and the other looked like a B-complex (small and yellow). I actually spit them out into the bottle after it seemed like I had taken the entire bottle of pills at one time.

A woman called to speak to me about a future appointment on the 22nd. She was a counselor and had been away on vacation but was returning and reminding me of our Tues appointment at 3:15. She asked if I would be there and I told her I had a dentist appointment at 3:30.

Considerations

The first dream is the one that sticks with me the most. Not only did I physically feel the woman shaking me but what she said bothers me. What does “prostituting” ones self mean in a dream context? Was she suggesting that I am giving away my power? Or was it literally about me using my body as a means to gain from my husband a false sense of security? Probably both. Typical of my guides to just say it like it is but to shake me, too. Damn!

The empty pool means feeling devoid of emotion or it might indicate that past mistakes will not be repeated. It can be also that the cleansing or healing “pool” has dried up. The sweets are me focusing on the good things in life or seeking them out. Cigarettes are sources of toxicity in my life. Thankfully, I choose to leave them. The popcorn represents good fortune or a windfall. My missing school and pretending to be sick, indicates I am avoiding something or that my symptoms have been self-created to avoid something – the windfall perhaps?

In the second dream I am being told some important news about the state of my “health” in this case most likely spiritual but it could also be physical. This could be a worry dream as well. The pills are problem solving and the struggle to resolve one or more issues. The appointment could be symbolic of the conflict I am experiencing – get counseling (work on myself) or go to dentist (handle problems first).

Crazy, Bi-Polar Energy

All I can say about the energy since August is WTF Universe? I had one day – ONE DAY – where I felt good and optimistic and now it seems like the energy is shifting up, down, up, down, and even sideways.

Yesterday, it felt like the energy was literally pushing me, like forceful, but toward what? I have no idea but it came with that feeling like the other shoe is about to drop. Yay – love that feeling…not. Then towards evening it all just calmed down and leveled out.

This morning after being shaken twice in the night and having the above dreams I felt slightly anxious, but it settled within a couple of hours after waking. The energy feels lower today, like it is heading into another build-up.

This is what I perceive about all this crazy bipolar energy that wants to PUSH. It reminds me of the energy in 2016, actually. It is saying, “Clean your shit UP!” And those of us (like me) who hate cleaning or have been in avoidance all this time or distracted by life are feeling the push the most.

I like to think I have my shit together when it comes to my life path/mission, but I don’t. My guidance likes to remind me to “follow the 8 Winds (of Buddhism)” and they recently nudged me again. I have been learning all about how to not seek out pleasure and I think I have learned that lesson pretty well since 2015 (pats self on back), but it occurred to me that I am failing at the other half, which is to NOT avoid pain and discomfort. It isn’t saying to jump head first into pain and discomfort, just to be open to experiencing it. I think I might be the Queen of avoidance of anything painful and uncomfortable. My guidance has their work cut out for them.

Probably why they are shaking me……