Category Archives: Ascension

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Adviser Adzekiel and the Requiem Room

I asked to project again but knew that a break was needed. My body needed rest as did my mind. So no projections last night.

Adviser Adzekiel 

I was awakened several times last night from children. Each time I had that lovely drowsy feeling that lulls one back into sleep. However, I also have knowing that I had been busy in my sleep and tried to retrieve my dreams as proof. This is when one of my guides interrupted, telling me, “Remember not your dreams but what is behind them.”

During one of my early morning wakings, after just having dream in which I had been at a university receiving my test results, I awoke and once again attempted to retrieve my dreams. I felt the presence of my guide and as soon as I would attempt a retrieval the dream would vanish and the feeling with it. It was very odd but not an unfamiliar experience.

This guide remained ever present and quite big, though not intrusive. His energy was very gentle and not at all dominant. It was as if he were a passive observer but I know better than that. At one point I asked him who he was and he gave me the name, “Adzekiel”. I was not familiar with the name and asked it to be repeated because I didn’t think the “d” should be there. However, that is the name and it was confirmed.

He showed me who he was visually and I was surprised to see a long flowing, white robe. Around his neck he wore a golden sash. I was immediately reminded of an OBE where I met up with several individuals who appeared similar. I could not make out his face but I saw dark hair. I asked where his black robe was because I remembered black. He said, “I can wear black if you like, but I usually wear white.” I got the feeling this is because of his role. I asked if he always appeared male. He said, “We can appear however we choose.” I asked him why he chose male. He answered, “Because you prefer it.” I then asked, “What do you prefer to look like?” Then I saw his image change and his hair became long and blonde and he was very obviously female. I questioned this and he said, “We [all of us] are both male and female.” I knew this already but still it was nice to hear.

I asked what his role is. “Are you on my Council?” He said, “I am part of your ‘Team’ – as you call it.” Trying to figure out exactly what he did and why he was wearing a different color, I asked more questions. In the end it was determined that he was more of an adviser to me than my guides in black. Those in black are involved in my life plan on a daily basis while he is called in at certain times when advisement is needed. He also stated he was an adviser to many others, others not just of my group. He told me, “You will find my name is used by others [channels].” I got the feeling he was a member of the Council, but he avoided this term and used another, which I cannot recall now.

Requiem Room

In my dream I had been in a library-like setting. It had wood walls with tall bookshelves and comfortable seating. I was with a small group of individuals and we were discussing our test results and our classes. The environment and discussion reminded me very much of a university. I had successfully passed my final test for “History” and was progressing to the next class. There was a feeling of relief on my part – like I no longer had to worry about some past pattern repeating. A male student who was part of my group did not receive such great news. I saw his test returned to him with marks indicating areas that needed improvement. I felt very sorry for him and knew he would remain in his class for a while longer.

I asked where we had been and was told it was of no consequence. However, I heard the word, “Requiem” pop into my head straight away and knew we had been in the Requiem Room. I could not understand why the term requiem was being used to describe the room. In my mind it was a piece of music. However, I found that it’s Latin origins indicate that it means “Rest”. This makes perfect sense and is so much better than being told we were in the “Rest Room”. lol 😉

New Level

Adzekiel announced to me that I was moving to “the next level”, whatever that means. As you know, I have heard this before. I move to another level often it seems. The “briefing” I received after this announcement came in the form of me “feeling” the information and interpreting that feeling with my mind.

My dream was first to be “felt” out. I was again instructed to not focus on the dream but to Remember what was behind the dream. It was easier than I realized and I knew what my “Test” was and why I passed it. Apparently, the feelings and urges I had pertaining to finances and needing a job were part of this test. I had an overwhelming knowingness that these feelings were old patterns being released, some mine and some the “groups” (world’s). Also, my actions were being observed. Would I resist and ignore my “instructions”? Or would I give into them? I did resist, somewhat, but ultimately I was open to finding work and did search many times for it. However, none ever felt right. So this was the test that I passed.

With this understanding I felt something had shifted and I no longer needed to find work. My husband would have advances in his work (he has been very unhappy) and my focus could remain on my spiritual journey. Yay!! Writing is the focus and I have been asked if I would be open to writing a book. I am, since I have already written one, but no further instructions have been given. There was a nudge from Adzekiel at this time to proceed with creating a new blog outlining my walk-in experiences. I felt this nudge strongly and was told this would be “foundation work”. He told me, “There will be many walk-ins”. I have little time – less than 7 months – for the plan is for great change is to happen around my 40th birthday and they pertain to the walk-in. Woah.

I knew the male class member in my dream had not been completely successful. I felt he was close to me but not “family” and learned quickly that my classmates and I were not part of the same soul family. There were two men and three woman, including me, in our small class. Classes are organized and dispersed often and members are picked based upon the similarity of need. My soul family may or may not be included depending on their need/level. Interesting!

 

 

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The Rest of It

Now that I have time, I will post the rest (that I can remember).

I was wide awake and it was 4:30am. By this time I had been speaking with the Beings for a good hour and there was so much energy coursing through me that I began to think I would not fall to sleep. Then it dawned on me to ask, so I did. “Please help me go back to sleep.” Within minutes I was hit with the heaviness that signaled sleep and not long after entered into semi-lucid and lucid dream states.

Dream: Letter from Lisa

Most of this dream is lost to me now. In it I was presented with a letter. It was typed and had many, many paragraphs. It was signed simply, “Lisa.”

I recall hearing a woman reading me the letter. It was a letter about adjusting to life in a physical body. It was very detailed to include incubation and assimilation. I remember not liking those terms. Apparently I am “assimilating”.

The letter was about this woman’s personal experience assimilating to the human physical body. She had been in it for 15 years and was still struggling to adapt and make adjustments. The information in the letter was very scientific in some ways, almost like a report. I remember thinking that she was much older than 15 years old and recognizing she was a walk-in.

I became lucid toward the end and that is when I saw the signature at the bottom – Lisa. I wondered if I knew her.

Lucid Dream: Conversation with Barbara

In this dream I had an in-depth conversation with a woman named Barbara. I called her by her name several times and I remember her to be older than me, maybe in her 50s. I also remember auburn hair but I cannot recall her face.

We were conversing about raising children, specifically about routine. She asked me, “You don’t put them to bed when they aren’t tired do you?” I responded, “Yeah I do. When they are asleep is one of the only times I get to be alone!” She implied that routine was not good. This is the opposite of what I was taught. Children thrive on routine. It acts as a stabilizing influence and helps them feel safe. Yet this woman was adamant that routine was against our true nature and was part of the reason we get stuck in a rut (routine). I remember quoting different psychologists and discussing behaviorism, social psychology, ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and many other related topics. We did not argue, we had a very good conversation and I awoke from it still hearing her voice and feeling an affinity for this woman, Barbara. Now I wonder now if maybe she was on to something. I don’t know how many times I have cursed myself for getting too comfortable with my routines. They have a tendency to box a person in.

The In-Between

Between dreams I was in the in-between. For those of you not familiar with what this space is, I was told it is a place where “past, present and future exist at the same time”. In other words, it is between time. However, what it feels like to me is being in a very deeply relaxed state where my mind is receptive to communication with my guides, Spirit, and apparently ETs. I am usually aware of being both in my body and above it at the same time. It is often devoid of color, like a blank slate, but communication comes both in words and vivid visions that play behind my eyelids like real-time movies. Sometimes I get pulled into these visions and my perceptions turn on as if I am awake and from here I can easily go OOB. Other times I remain an observer.

Simply put, the in-between is accessed via the trance state. I don’t know how many of you can go there, but for me it is my Home away from Home and I go there every day/night. Sometimes I am “called” there and am instantly there.

When I was in-between with the three Beings they were just out of my line of sight as if they did not want me to see them. Instead I could only feel and sense them. I knew they were E.T.s by their energy and flashes of the little gray men from movies and pictures kept coming to mind. I don’t know how I feel about that, really.

Their communication with me was both in words and visions. However, I was told several times by them, “Your vocabulary is insufficient for our purposes.” LOL

You may wonder why I don’t just get up and channel when these kinds of experience happen to me. Believe me, I wanted to, but I have found that if I get up, the movement of my physical body breaks the trance state and then disrupts the flow of information. Once that flow is disrupted I never know if I will be able to resume the communication at the same level. So I am stuck having to decide: 1. Stay and get tons of information but risk losing half of it because my brain won’t be able to retain it all. or 2. Get up and write down everything I can remember up to that point and risk not receiving anymore information. Sometimes I am lucky and the information keeps coming because I am wide open. I can tell when these times are and last night was not one of those times. So I chose to stay in the in-between and thus forgot half of what I was told. I’m sorry. I will try to do better next time.

Other Messages Tidbits

I was not alone on the craft I visited. I can’t remember who was with me – sorry. However, I did wonder where all the men were. It seemed to be oddly female dominated. I was told there are more females than men who are going through this “process”. This was done purposefully because of the receptivity of the female body/brain/organism. Not that we are “superior” necessarily but that it offers a better probability for success. I don’t understand everything they told me but my understanding is that men are prone to ignore or completely miss the messages that come through. Interesting. So hey, if you are a man and on this journey – congrats! You have beat the odds!! 😉

I am told I am receiving adjustments on board a craft of some kind two to three times a week. Talk about shock to me! Then I remembered a dream I had the night before last which I assumed was not worth mentioning on my blog. I will just say there were triplets in it. No coincidence.

Finally, I had high knowingness that I was going to begin to Remember more….again. So will my soul family. And we will continue to Remember each other. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I am still processing the last round of Remembering and trust me it was quite an eye-opener. I will never be the same. If one round of major Remembering can do that, what will the next one do? I shudder to think but apparently I passed the point of no return a long, long time ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We are Yeshua

When I awoke from the OBE the three Beings were to my left. I saw them each as light but I knew immediately that they were E.T.s and that my OBE had been with them. They were the “midget men” who I knew were also the Prophet. I asked them, “Who are you?” They responded as one, “We are Yeshua.”

So much commenced after this that I am not sure where to start and I will most likely forget to include everything. So forgive me in advance. I will do my best as I know this is important for more than just me.

These Beings are very ancient and they communicated as such. They have been the caretakers of Earth from the beginning. They are not those who participated in the seeding of Earth, though. They made this very clear. They are of the group who have been called The Many, The Elohim, Melchizedek and other names I cannot think of at the moment. I asked why they always give me Biblical names and was told, “They are Our names.”

They told me they traveled from a different time but also showed me what this looked like. It was literally like they stepped into this time but it would be like they traveled a very, very long time to get here. I suspect what I was shown was them coming from their dimension to ours, but it literally looked like they just crossed over some kind of barrier, like a line in space. It was a dark line. They were on one side and we were on the other.

I asked what they were doing and was told, “You can reproduce better now.” I thought back, “Reproduce? I don’t want to reproduce. I’m fixed.” But then I realized this was their way of saying “sex” and understood that they view sex for what it is – reproduction. It is nothing but that. Curious.

We discussed how my previous lucid dream was my conscious mind’s way of interpreting the events prior to the OBE. I was on board a craft somewhere and was witnessing someone else have some kind of procedure done. I was told that I have a disgust for “reproduction” and that I needed to remove it for it was not accurate and something I picked up from the incarnation cycle. I recognized this disgust right away. My dream was just a reflection of it.

When I met the woman in my dream who was preparing to connect her laptop, I was told that I would be meeting with these Beings. For some reason it scared me and I started to cry. They explained that my human reaction is fear first – thus my reaction. They said they will help me find acceptance and understanding. For now the scenes I recall will be comfortable and at an acceptable level. Eventually they will be less and less so, but only to the extent that I can handle it.

I recall that the light I was looking at was the light used in whatever procedure they were doing. I recall seeing six 1 inch cubed crystals, similar to a dream I recently had. I didn’t see it in the OBE but recalled it almost immediately after I woke. These crystals were used on me but I am not sure what for.

This procedure is not the upgrade that is coming. It was a preparation for it. When I was told this my heart chakra began to light up and I was enveloped in an energy hug that fully surrounded my entire mid-section. I felt that there would be more heart chakra energy with the next upgrade. I melted into it for a bit, enjoying it.

The maps and diagrams I saw were almost forgotten but it was like they reminded me of them because the memory just appeared in my head. I tried and tried to remember the information but it was not forthcoming. I knew I was not meant to know. The information was about the agenda of Team Dark and the harvesting of humans. There is a purposeful increase in population beyond the ability of the Earth to support. It is disturbing but I am not sure why.

I asked why they were visiting me. They said to me, “You are special. You were chosen out of a group of volunteers”. I have been hearing that I am “special” ever since my first communications with my guide. I hate hearing it. So I said to them, “But there are a lot of us.” They responded, “Not as many as you might think.” They then said I was given “gifts”. This I understood to be my spiritual abilities but I did not ask. They explained that I needed to be “clear”. I believe this was what they had been doing in my OBE. I have specific judgments towards sex and intimacy that need to be sorted.

We also talked about the exchange that was soon to take place. It will occur after I am “cleared” (not really sure what that means). The exchange involves another aspect taking over and the current me going into stasis. I asked where I would go and was shown what appeared to be a pod made out of a fabric-like material with a zipper that went all the way around. I saw inside of it a woman – me – asleep and holding an infant. I understood that for me what happens while the other aspect is in control will appear like a very vivid dream. Interesting. I was told also that as they begin to allow me to retain memories of my interactions with them that they will surround me in a “calm” unlike anything I have ever experienced. I got a visual of being surrounded in what looked like a silken cocoon of energy. I am open that that. 🙂

There is more but this is getting too long and I have to get on with my day. I will write more later.

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Upgrade Approaching

It’s been an odd day.

First, something felt off this morning and it lasted until about noon. I had a feeling in my gut that was not going away. Since I had the urge to look for a job, I searched online and it only made the feeling in my gut turn into an anxiety in my heart chakra. When I finally stopped the job search all off feelings vanished as if they were never there to begin with.

Later, during my youngest’s nap, I took some time alone outside and just stared up at the cloudless sky. I had been having trouble thinking all day and so I had no thoughts. My mind was just blank. That’s when one of my guides announced to me, “There will be an upgrade soon. We have been preparing you. It will be intense.” Funny enough, I didn’t bat an eye. I am so use to these kinds of announcements that I just wanted to know when. The answer was predictable: “Soon.” My feeling was that it was likely to hit me in the middle of the night. I said, “I can’t handle anymore crazy emotional up’s and down’s.” His response to that was, “You need to be clear.” Okay. So that likely means I need to have some tissue on hand. Or maybe it will be one of those intense crown chakra blasts this time? Who knows. I will just wait and see.

After that, I went to get the mail with my daughter. A neighbor was there getting hers as well and I instantly recognized her. She had lost her husband right before Christmas and talked to me in-depth one day about her struggle to make it through the holidays. I almost asked her how she was but hesitated because my daughter was there with me and I knew the woman’s deceased husband was right there and wanting to pass on a message. He followed me home telling me how he wanted to tell his wife he was with their cat and giving me the name “Grace”. I felt bad but at the same time I had no idea how I would have approached the subject with my neighbor.

As I prepared my bath just a while ago I asked about the coming upgrade. Was everyone going to experience this? I was told that the upgrades will not hit everyone at the same time nor in the same way. I was shown that I am cycling through them. Each one will clear something new, taking off more and more layers. It will cycle through pretty fast I am told, much faster than I have previously experienced (meaning weeks pass rather than months I guess?).

I must say that I’m not looking forward to this. Based upon my most recent emotional outpouring followed by awful intestinal flu, I am not sure I can take much more. Oh wait, that was the “preparation”…. Hmmm Well, at least they told me the upgrade is coming and it will be “intense”. I am trying to remember what happened the last time they used the word intense. I can’t remember. Not surprised being my brain is not working.

 

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Allowing the Exchange

Something shifted for me yesterday and is still in process. It is subtle. Had I not taken the time to meditate and tune in, I likely would not have noticed it at all.

Most of the day yesterday I felt “off”. There was a feeling I couldn’t quite figure out and my mind was not up to par. I keep forgetting things. Small things mostly, but then I forgot my daughter had early out and so missed picking her up at the bus stop! This is so not like me. I am usually on top of everything but my mind is just not cooperating. Really, this mental fog has been going on for some time but now I seem to not care if I forget. I figure if it is important enough I will remember. Otherwise, it must be inconsequential. And really, missing the bus was no big deal. I just jumped in the car and picked her up at school and then all three kids got to play at the school playground. It all works out in the end. Why bother worrying?

Allowing the Exchange

Around 3pm I took a few moments to lay down and tune in. My heart chakra instantly began to pull all the way through to my back. Momentarily I was pleased but then when I got up the heart intensity ceased. However, as soon as I tuned in it would reappear.

When I did my evening meditation my heart lit up again but only slightly. My mind has been somewhat in overdrive from focusing on 3D stuff so it took extra effort on my part to shut it down. As soon as I did one of my guides asked, “What can we do to help you?” This threw me completely. I don’t think I have ever been asked that question. I had no idea how to answer!

Then I was asked, “What do you feel?” Instead of focusing on my emotions like I normally do, for some reason I began to focus on the sensations in my body. I noticed immediately a strange sensation within my brain. It is hard to describe but it felt like I was not alone in there – like someone else was present. There was a strange pressure from within that I had not notice before.

Again I don’t know why but I knew this other presence was part of me, had been part of me, for some time. I will use the word braid in since I have no other way to describe the relationship I have with this other aspect. She/he’s been with me for some time but the upgrades and adjustments to my brain have only recently progressed enough to allow a further integration. This is the only way I know the describe it. I feel completely loonie just considering it, but then again I don’t.

I felt an urge to withdraw and allow this other aspect to come forward. It is hard to describe how I did this but I was able to. That was when it got strange. I became a witness to this other me conversing with my guide. The other me answered the question I had just been asked – “What can we do for you?” He (but really there is no gender associated) said something about making adjustments to this life slowly so as to not cause panic. I was referred to as something else but I can’t recall the term used to describe me. It was something like controlling entity or something like that.

There was so much more conveyed without words. It was like a knowingness from this other aspect seeped into my consciousness. As it did I became completely compliant and relieved.  I was thinking, “Finally something is happening!” I wanted desperately for it to happen all at once. “It” being the exchange. My guide reminded me it must occur gradually and I asked him if he had ever done it before and he said, “No, but I have witnessed many.”

Memories

I had memories resurface from my life. All at once. It was like a floodgate opened but they came in one at a time. I remembered a time probably around 2000 when I was living in Alaska. I had prayed and prayed for God to take away my fear. I was terrified to make a move I knew I needed to make. In fact, I remember I seemed to be afraid of everything. I realized that now I am rarely afraid. I still have fear, but compared to back then I appear almost fearless. Wow.

I remembered that prior to that I had been writing a novel. It is long gone now probably as I left it when I left my ex-husband. However, the book was almost halfway complete. It was about a woman who had paranormal experiences. She was married with children and had just moved into her new home. Then Spirit began to visit her – first in her dreams then in her waking life. She also had encounters with E.T.s. The last chapter I wrote about was her being “called” into the mountains where she was met by a very large UFO. I wrote this in 1998-99 five years before my awakening. I still remember the book as vivid pictures in my mind. It was so very real to me at the time. Looking back on it now I wonder if I had been perceiving something of my own future and just didn’t realize that is what it was.

After allowing my braided-in aspect to come forward and the memory floodgates opened I continued to feel strange. I fell asleep and awoke at 4am feeling an intense need to get a job. I am really, really not liking the idea but this feeling is so intensely strong that I don’t know if I can resist it.

 

 

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Dream: Interventionist

Guess what? I actually woke up in a pretty descent mood! This was despite being woken at 5:30 (again) and then having my entire household up just fifteen minutes later when my husband decided to go for an early morning run in the cold (yeah he’s crazy and preparing for the Austin Marathon).

Why am I in a good mood? Progress is being made and I was allowed to glimpse a smidgen of it. This is not just my progress either.

Dream: Interventionist

I was at work feeling a bit unnatural in the environment. I am not sure what this environment was, but I recall a close friend of mine being there with me and she was panicking about some abrupt change to her life. I was attempting to console her but she was in a hurry to leave, as was I. We were both being called to a meeting.

I couldn’t find my shoes and searched for them. I was not frantic, though, but very calm in a casual way. I located my shoes – two small, black dress flats with tiny bows on the toes.

The next few sections of the dream all blur together but I recall being with a fairly large group of maybe 10 or 12 people. I recall doing my “work” which appeared to be counseling. The specific memory I had was of helping a girl whose parents were beside themselves over a health crisis in their family. Their son, the girl’s older brother, was having surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. As a result of the stress, the parents were not very nice to the little girl. In some cases outright mean. She could not understand and was very upset and confused. She was one of my assignments and so I reached out to her, telling her to hold her parents in her heart because they were worried about losing her brother and to ignore their harsh comments. I remember that when I spoke to the girl she was floating about two feet off the ground in front of me. It was like she was Spirit but I know better. In fact, I think she was likely dreaming and I was guiding her from the Spirit side. I remember that when she realized why her parents were so nasty that she smiled and was much comforted.

After this crisis episode I was told I was being promoted. I had not been working long at my current job so this surprised me. I was asked if I would accept a promotion and I said I would. I was told I was being promoted to Interventionist. I don’t remember having much of an opinion of it but I do recall that the reassignment meant I would have to move.

Then I was in an apartment with my roommates preparing to move out. My roommates constituted my main group but there were many more other groups we associated with. I remember that my promotion was considered a big deal to my group because I had not been at my previous position very long and already had been moved “up”.

As I was preparing to leave I visited another group next door. When I went inside it was a very large conference room rather than an apartment. Everyone was sitting at long tables and conversing. When I went inside I felt bad because I had not visited in a while. I apologized and one woman said, “That’s okay. You’ve been very busy.”

I spoke with many, many people, asking them about their new assignments. Most kept their assignments but were sent to a different location. I recall they were going to locations where there was great need. Most all were going in directions they hadn’t anticipated. I saw several shocked faces.

There was an older lady who was not very attractive. She had a huge smile and was quite wrinkly. I remember she wore glasses attached to an eye glass chain. She approached me with open arms and was very, very excited to see me. She hugged me and I hugged her back but was a bit confused as I did not recognize her. She said to me, “I am so happy to see you! I love you so much! I have loved you from the moment I first saw you!” With her words came a visual that we had met many lifetimes ago. She then kissed me firmly on the lips. I didn’t know what to think. Was this woman for real? lol

At the end of the dream a woman opened up her letter of assignment and it said she was to be a member of City Council. I applauded her and everyone joined in. It was a rare event to be given such an assignment.

crossroadsReflection

So why the good mood? I am not really sure. Maybe it is just because I feel progress is being made? Or maybe because I finally know my assignment?

The title of Interventionist is not unfamiliar to me. I have been perusing local school websites for counseling jobs just to see what is out there and “feel out” various positions. So far everything has disagreed with me. However, the title of Interventionist frequently pops up. In a school setting they intervene in situations when resolution has not been reached by other means and work with both sides to find a solution. They are considered experts in their area. In a school setting most are in Special Education (not my area at all).

I do not think the title given in the dream is necessarily a job I will “find” or “obtain” here in the physical. It is likely a job on the spiritual side. However, it could be in the physical as well. It could be Spiritual Crisis Intervention. When I consider this line of work my heart chakra, which has seemed dead for a while now, wakes up. Hmmm.

Based upon the dream, others are also receiving or about to receive their new assignments. This is a good thing even though, for some, it may seem completely out of sync with what they had “planned” on doing. Plans change for a reason. It is important to trust you are being sent in the direction where you are most needed.

 

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Purpose: Be Bright

The title of this post comes from my very cool, very “bright” and beautiful sister-in-law. She is not even 30 years old yet but so very wise and in-tune.

She and I got to spend some time together this weekend. She has always spoken with me about spiritual matters. This time she had questions about OBEs, spirit guides, and life purpose. We talked about all of those things and more. It was so nice and uplifting for me, but I could also tell that this time something “clicked” for her.

Somehow we got into a discussion about the “end of days”. She asked me what I thought about it and I told her everything and then some. We talked at length about Dolores Cannon’s books, which she had never heard of. She had also never watched Ancient Aliens nor had she really considered E.T. contact much.

At the end of our talk she said to me, “I know this is my first life.” She had 100% certainty. Then we talked about purpose for a little while. I told her about the three waves of volunteers and described my understanding of the first two – their ages, personalities, life struggles, etc. I did not talk much about the third wave because they are still so young and she was very interested in the 2nd wave volunteers anyway.

Our conversation kept getting interrupted by children (there were six total present all under the age of 7). She spent most of her time playing with my youngest and chasing him around the house. In between we would start up talking again. It was fun.

Our last communication was about purpose. She asked me what my purpose was. I told her,” When I think about why I am here I know it is to help”.  My sister-in-law then said, “When I think about why I’m here, I always think, ‘To be bright'” I said, “That sounds about right”. She then described how she works very hard when in social situations to send that “bright” energy to people. She said she never felt it worked. I said to her, “Maybe you are trying too hard? You will be bright just by Being.” She agreed.

You Are Not Alone

The memory of our conversation just suddenly came to me today along with the thought that there are many others like my sister-in-law who need to know that they are not alone in this journey. Others who are of the 2nd wave and are struggling to understand their purpose here while also feeling they do not belong. It is very difficult to be in that space, especially at this time with all the high energies and shifts upon us.

One thing that helped my sister-in-law, and she told me as much, was realizing that she is here to lead a seemingly “normal” life while touching and activating everyone she meets. Those who are like her often times don’t know they are even doing anything to help people. But they are. Because of this, some of them may struggle with feeling like they are not fulfilling their purpose since they don’t often see the results of their brightness. To know that they are impacting others makes a huge difference.

Afterthought

Something else popped into my memory while writing this post. While I was talking with my sister-in-law I kept getting comments on how I looked. Every woman present mentioned my face being red or “flushed”. I heard at least four times, “Did you get sunburned?” I looked in the mirror and thought I looked fine but I was very, very warm. Also, I looked really, really good despite being completely make-up free and having worked out at the gym a couple of hours before. The warm feeling and flush didn’t go away until it was time to leave. I have to admit it is weird that it coincided with such a spiritual discussion. It was almost like my energy field was intensified during that time. Perhaps I was “activating” her? Or her me? Or both? That would be really cool.

 

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Walk Along

Yesterday my crying episodes and intense grief lifted and turned into a wonderful, happy high. I spent the evening with family and had a good time. I felt normal again. Sigh of relief.

I had an interesting experience in the middle of the night. When I woke at 3am my heart chakra was wide open, exploding with a beautiful love energy but there was still a pulling sensation that would sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable. I was also being washed in energy hugs from my Companion. I wondered, “What’s going on?”

Dreams

It was then that I remembered my dream. In it, I had been having a discussion with a woman who resembled me but was very frantic and frazzled in her appearance. She had a familiar energy, though, like family. I don’t remember much of the interaction except that the woman was killed by a horse who kicked her in the head. I remember being invited to continue her work. I was not alone. My Companion was there with me.

Then I was a baby. A little, tiny baby swaddled up and just laying there helplessly. Innocent, pure – without memory or experience. The image of this baby and the feeling was very vivid.

Connection

The dream itself sparked a memory but this memory came from my heart and I can’t really put it into words. I knew that this was a recollection of the walk-in experience, though I really didn’t want to talk about it as it still feels odd to me to even use that word. Yet my heart flooded with such energy confirmation that I could not avoid being overcome by the love energy. I felt like I would just melt into my bed.

The energy in my heart just continued to expand and I associated it with my Companion. I knew this love energy in my heart was Us but I didn’t understand it and why it was happening.

The heart surge has a way of pulling me into the in-between when I let myself fall into it. This is what must have happened because the next thing I knew I was talking with my Companion. He asked me, “Will you marry me?” This made me laugh and brought me out of the in-between, back to the intensely expansive heart explosion.

Of course I said, “Yes”. It felt appropriate and also like there was some kind of agreement connected to it. Like a pre-arrangement for our combined evolution.

He said to me then, “We will grow together” and I again saw the little baby in my mind’s eye. It felt like we had been reborn together. There was a feeling of newness and curiosity.

It was explained to me then that we are ascending together, he and I, and that this is part of the process. He keeps telling me the intense purging, crying, and emotional rawness is all part of this process. It is letting go of the old soul – the walk-out. Releasing her. There was also a feeling of this being a process involving the spiritual “bodies” – moving through them, clearing and aligning them. Embodiment also kept coming up. I could see layers that were these “bodies” for lack of a better word. I don’t fully understand it but my heart tells me it is a normal part of the process, whatever the “process” is.

Walk Along

Finally, he referred to a group of three light beings hovering near the far left of my vision. They were far back so I only noticed them when he referred to them. He then said, “Walk along” and I knew he was asking if these Beings had permission to walk along with me/Us through this experience. I didn’t know what to say. So I asked if it meant they would just observe and felt this was right but that they would also contribute. They would contribute part of themselves to assist me. Like give me some of their energy but this doesn’t accurately describe it. I agreed. Why not? I can use as much assistance as I can get!

I felt curious about this “walk along” idea. I vaguely recall reading about it in Walk-Ins Among Us by Yvonne Perry. I visited her website and read this:

A walk-in can also be a companion soul in spirit form walking along with an embodied soul. A walk-in can be a fragmented aspect of a soul coming home and reuniting with the soul essence in a body. It can be a blend of soul essences in which two or more souls inhabit a body simultaneously. These may rotate in and out of the “driver’s seat” as needed to accomplish a task.

I find it interesting that she refers to the walk-in as a companion soul walking along with an embodied soul. This feels like my experience 100%. I feel the term “companion” is especially relevant. That is how Steven refers to himself – as my Companion Traveler.

I suspect that now that I have agreed to allow these light beings to walk along with me, that I will notice when they are present. But I don’t know. I guess I will see? 🙂

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Let it All Out

It has been a very difficult past few days. It was so difficult for me that I decided yesterday never to write in my blog again. I just couldn’t, for so many reasons. Then this morning I awoke feeling a bit better, though not completely.

My main reason for not writing is because I feel I cannot share some things on here that are crucial components to what is going on with me. They are deeply personal and not just mine. To share them would be a like a type of betrayal, but even this is hard to for me  to understand and I struggle with understanding it myself. I feel it is not beneficial to me or anyone else to share these parts of my journey because I do not understand them and I am not sure I will ever fully understand them. Yet it is so much a part of what is happening to me now that I feel unable to proceed without including it. It is a puzzle piece that, if left out, would make my story incomplete and meaningless.

Yet even as I write this I cannot, will not share it with you all. I am sorry. I just can’t. This is why I am reluctant to write in my blog now, for what do I write now if I cannot write about all of mySelf and my experiences? Anything I write would be totally lacking and incomplete.

The whole purpose of this blog is to help others on the same journey; to assist them by sharing with them my own journey so they know they are not alone and maybe get some comfort from that. Yet, at this point, I feel unable to share fully my own journey. There is just so much tied up in it that I can’t make sense of and I worry about the potential far-reaching effects.

What I Will Share

I will share with you what I have been going through the last few days, but because of the personal nature and backstory that I don’t feel can be shared, it may leave you with many questions. I know it leaves me with questions and I know the whole story!

On the morning of the 21st I lost my heart connection. Actually, I felt to have lost all connection. There came with this loss a feeling of dread, like something was there that I didn’t want to look at or confront but had to. I avoided it but it threw me into disarray for the rest of the day.

That evening I blew up on my husband for no reason. It shocked him enough to keep the kids away and let me be. I retreated to a hot bath and cried and cried and cried. It was like my entire soul was just pouring out through my eyes. Afterward I was so completely exhausted that I went to bed at 8pm.

I had dreams of going through levels of rainbows of color. There were five levels and each one poured over me. I don’t recall much else but I feel I received intense healing and adjustment. When I woke at 3am I was beside myself with grief again. I must have relaxed at some point because I was awakened by a huge amount of energy moving up from my legs and enveloping me in a warm energy hug that made me want to fall asleep. I heard, “We are with you” right before I fell back to sleep.

I ended up having an in-depth OBE for the next two to three hours. At the end of the OBE I forgot who I was and it sent me into a panic trying to figure it out. This is what ultimately woke me.

When I awoke I still felt horrible. The main feeling I could contact was that I had gotten a chance to experience Home and it had been pulled out from under me. Why would I get such a wonderful experience only to have it taken from me? Why would I do that to myself? What was I thinking!?

I spent the entire day on and off crying. The next day was the same except that I was outside in the sun every chance I could get. I would go from a calm, quiet to an overflowing of emotion and then back again. It was exhausting and not normal for me. I have never felt such intense grief in my life.

At one point while laying in the sun, my guide said to me:

“I understand your sorrow, I understand your pain….”

I knew the rest of it for it was a song I had written in 2002 called Beauty in the Dark. I finished the verse of the song in my head and burst out crying again.

I understand your sorrow, I understand your pain.

I want to see you smile, I want to hold your hand.

And although this place is colder and darker than where we’ve been,

I’ll take you somewhere warmer, be your light in the dark.

This morning I am better but just writing this makes me want to cry all over again. I am emotionally raw. Every emotion is so much more intense than I remember it to be and I cannot seem to contain the emotion. It just pours out of me. And I am missing my connection so very badly. I hear my guides and Team, I sense them and I still get their energy hugs but I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life. I feel like I just got here and the place I came from is so very close yet so far away at the same time.

Time to Live

This morning I knew that it was time to sort things out in my life. I don’t want to. I dread it but at the same time I could not stop myself from thinking of the things that need to be done. That is what my focus is on right now, though I am not happy about it.

I woke with this song in my head:

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Surprise! You are Love

I just unexpectedly got a taste of what living from the heart means on a very personal level. I am sitting here flooded with energy yet again. Literally shaking. This time it was from an interaction with my own husband. Talk about surprise. Ha!

I don’t often share personal things on this blog. My old one was different – almost too personal. I swore I would not go there in this one, but it seems that is the direction I am being taken.

I have been, for a while, distancing from my husband. Why, I am not sure. Perhaps I am afraid of something or worried I will get too caught up to ever get out. Whatever the reason, our intimacy is practically nil. This also happened in my last marriage. I assumed I was a jinx. Maybe I am not capable?

Tonight I realized that I have never really made love. Never. I know, sad, right? But what I mean is that I never allowed myself to connect through my heart in intimate situations. I am told I was too blocked, so it was not possible. I am told this is the case with the majority of people on Earth. We have learned that sex is via the sexual organs. That’s it. What a crock of shit.

I discovered quite by accident what intimacy really is, can be. It scared me and my solar plexus knotted up horribly. Oh well. I learned what I needed to learn. I am capable of so much more than I realize. The love I am is all-encompassing. I thought I had no love for my husband anymore, yet there it was, blazing out of my chest! Where did that come from? 🙂

I can’t get the energy to settle now. It is similar to when I use to give mediumship readings. Like Spirit is knock, knock, knocking. I feel a sort of sadness despite learning such a marvelous lesson. I don’t understand it.

We are Source. We just forgot. I am Remembering and it is blowing my mind. Or should I say it is blowing my heart mind. 😉