Category Archives: Ascension

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Harmonizing Earth

I wanted to start with a short update on the symptoms I have been experiencing this week.

  • Low energy
  • Fatigue
  • Deep, nearly dreamless sleep
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Mood swings
  • Voracious appetite
  • Root, second, third, fourth, third eye and crown chakra buzzing/activation
  • No lucid dreams or OBEs since the 12th
  • Headache (mild)
  • Neck ache (mild)
  • Lower backache (moderate)
  • Digestive changes (mild)
  • Body temperature fluctuations; feeling cold more than hot
  • Sweating, mostly in the mornings even when not hot

Sleep

I have been experiencing the deepest, most sound sleep I have had since I was a teenager. I am also sleeping almost as long as I did when I was a teenager. For me this is surprising as I have not been a sound sleeper since I stopped taking the antidepressant Zoloft. A side effect of stopping the antidepressant which I took at very low doses caused me to become a very light sleeper. I have had to wear earplugs to bed every night since in order to not be woken up by any little noise in the night. I have fought insomnia on and off since 2006, the worst of which occurred from 2012-2013. I have been blessed with good sleep since the start of 2014 but had to still use earplugs and Benadryl nightly.

I was instructed to stop taking the Benadryl three nights ago. I worried I would not sleep as well and would wake frequently in the night. The exact opposite occurred. I slept better and woke fewer times. In fact, one night I slept so deep that I woke up nearly peeing my pants (blush)! This is unheard of for me! Usually the only reason I wake up now is because I have to use the restroom and it is almost always 6-7 hours after falling asleep. I also am extremely drowsy when I wake up even after more than 10 hours of sleep. One morning I felt like I did after my c-section when I was anemic. It is a wonderful, floaty feeling that I relished that week after surgery and it came back to me on the 20th with such intensity that I had to force myself to get out of bed that morning.

Hungry

In addition to sleeping so much more than usual, I am hungrier than usual as well. This morning when I woke at 4am to use the bathroom I could not go back to sleep without eating something because I got an intense hunger that would not go away. I ate a good balance of protein and carbohydrates and then fell immediately back into a deep slumber.

The morning before I woke up so hungry that I felt sick and had to eat as quickly as possible so that I avoided blacking out. I was also filled with such anger at waking up that I kept hearing my inner voice say “eat” over and over and knew that my emotional response was a direct result of my low blood sugar. My “morning monster” was in rare form and I am glad I did not say or do things that I would later regret. Instead I mainly thought them and did not let the beast out on a rampage. Once I ate I felt so much better but the negative emotions lingered for some time. Later in the day I was again hit with similar emotions and frustration only for them to vanish as soon as I ate.

What is extremely weird about my increased hunger is that I have decreased my physical activity substantially since last weekend. I am only walking or doing yoga rather than my normal high intensity intervals (HIIT) and circuit training. I now recognize the reason I was instructed to stop the high intensity routines – my body is already working overtime enough and adding more to that load could put me into adrenal fatigue.

Erron – “Mountain of Strength”

My biggest upset since the 12th has been my almost complete loss of OBEs and near lack of dreams at night. I love my OBEs and without them I have been a very upset. Yesterday I was really mad because I have been requesting to astral for many days in a row and each time I felt it would not happen and it didn’t. Last night was no exception. I am not concerned anymore about it because I know they will return at some point and that I need this time to sleep and recover, but I still miss my OOB excursions.

When I woke at 4am this morning, I was a walking zombie as I stumbled about in the dark to find the restroom. Interestingly, I received and unexpected message as I groped blindly for the lights. In my mind I saw the name: “Erron”. It was spelled out in front of my mind’s eye and then pronounced very clearly: Er-Ron with the emphasis on the “Ron” part. This, of course, woke me up some and when I returned to bed I asked him who he was. I asked, “Are you an angel? An ascended master or something? (laughing)” He replied, “I am a friend”. I asked (still laughing), “Am I suppose the channel you?” He replied, “If you want”.

I stopped making jokes because he was very obviously not joining in on the fun. I then remembered yesterday that I had “heard” or perhaps just “remembered” that they (my Team) were requesting additional assistance in the form of “family” to help me through this difficult time. I remember recognizing this tidbit of information and thinking that I would soon see my grandfather, grandmother or father either in a dream or in a visit during the day. This is not uncommon for me so I just shrugged it off and forgot about it.

As soon I my thought surfaced, Erron responded to it, “Yes. I am your ‘family'”. I then thought back, “Ah, I guess we are all family” and he responded with agreement.

I wondered what exactly this “difficult time” was and what Erron was helping me with. He told me specifically that there was adjustment being made to my amygdalae. I knew this was part of my brain but that was the extent of my knowledge so I just let it be. He then told me that I was harmonizing with the Earth and I saw in my mind a couple of websites, as if he wanted me to research this when I woke up. I acknowledged this information and thought about music and how each person’s individual vibration is like their song. Each of our songs creates the music, the harmony, of Earth. I liked this analogy and it made sense to me why music made me feel so good. I was then told, “The Earth is our song” and I imagined each of us “singing” through our raised vibrations, our lights increasing and joining to brighten this world and bring it out of darkness.

As I contemplated our conversations, my crown chakra began to buzz and expand as did my third eye. My entire head felt alive with energy. I continued to try and focus on what I was being told. The last thing I heard was, “Abraham-Hicks”.  It was not long after that I fell back to sleep, my head abuzz with a soft, loving energy.

Research

When I woke up this morning I researched the name Erron (Eron) and found that it means “mountain of strength” in Hebrew.I immediately liked the name and the message that came with it. I would love to be a “mountain of strength”!

I then researched the amygdala. I found that the amygdalae (there are two on either side of the brain) are a set of small almond-shaped clusters of nuclei, located deep within our brain’s temporal lobe. They play a huge part in processing emotions and are the reacting part of the brain. Two hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, are released into the body by amygdala activation. When too much of either of these is released, specifically during extended periods of stress, there can be negative physical and emotional effects, one of which is – you guessed it – adrenal fatigue.

I discovered information on ways to help over activating the amygdalae. Interestingly, all of the suggestions correspond to the “instructions” I received about changing my diet and staying grounded. The top suggestion is to avoid negative situations and people. The next is to avoid stimulants like coffee and nicotine. This is followed by eating a balanced, whole foods diet and eating frequent meals to maintain blood sugar levels. Finally, controlling the mind and exercising regularly are also suggested. It is especially important to avoid these things if you are empathic, meaning you are easily influenced by the energies and emotions of others. I am indeed empathic, always have been, and have struggled to not be the effects of others emotions and energy my entire life. So it makes sense to me that my body would react equally as much in response.

Finally, I researched “harmonizing Earth” and “Earth harmonics”. I did not find anything significant or that felt right in my research. Maybe I will find more in time, but for now I will stick with the analogy of vibration being music. I like it and it makes sense to me. The Earth’s song is changing and my voice is part of that change. Indeed.

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Breaking the Cycle

It has become clear to me over the past few days that I am the only thing that stands between myself and everything I have ever wanted. I have been the one who has caused all the pain and misery, discomfort and disharmony in my life. It is not what others have done to me, it is what I have done to me. It is the pain I have directed outward and inward. Everything I do to others I also do to myself. Each critical remark, each bitter comment and judgment slashes away at my inner beauty, marring it with ugliness and spite.

I have wandered blindly through life after life on this planet, unable to hear my own voice through the muddle of thoughts and the unsettling emotions that rise with them. I have used my mind to view life. I have used words to define my reality. I have ignored my heart and in that I have ignored myself.

Music

I sit here listening to the most beautiful angelic voices singing in a language I do not understand and I feel calmed. It is not an internal music, but merely the local classical music station. I have added music back into my life. I realized just how much I missed it.

Music, like many of the pleasures I have denied myself this lifetime, is probably the most uplifting of those things in life that we have access to. Music brings our vibration up. It allows us to remember ourselves and that is very precious. We should all listen to music as often as we can and sing it even more often. Singing itself raises our vibration and allows us to flow out of our hearts. Try it. Sing and let yourself get carried away. You will feel an energy in your heart and you will fill with joy. That is what music is: joy. That is also what we are.

With music we Remember.

I am Listening – Breaking the Cycle

I have made a conscious decision to listen, to view life from my heart rather than from my mind. It will take some time, some learning, to do this, but I know I can do it.

The more I tune into my heart, the more I realize I need to make some changes in my life. Just this morning I awoke from the deepest slumber I have had since this past Spring. Upon waking I heard, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. I am very familiar with this quote by Albert Einstein. And I knew that I needed to listen to the changes my Higher Self was encouraging me to make. I had been ignoring the messages, hoping I would not have to change but the very act of ignoring them distances me from myself and made me that much more deaf.

Some changes are easy, some are not. I listed them a while back but it is just now that I am doing them.

The main change I am being asked to make is to stop my workout routine. I have been asked to decrease my cardio activity to only walking and doing yoga. I am to stop lifting weights and doing the interval training and circuits I do three times a week. When I ask why, it is explained to me that I have been focusing too much on my physical body, its shape and appearance. What I need to do is focus upon balancing my energy, calming my mind and increasing my connection to my Higher Self. Walking and yoga will help me achieve this as will any exercise that brings me closer to nature.

Another change I am being asked to make is to open up to my spiritual gifts once again. It is not that I am being asked to jump head first back into readings, but rather to allow myself to be drawn to those in need and to ask of them, “What can I do to help you?” All I can do is follow the feeling and then present myself to them with open arms. It is up to them if they will accept my offer of help. I have already been drawn in this way to another. It was quite a surprise to me and I did not hesitate to offer my help. I am told this will continue to occur. If I listen then I will find much satisfaction in doing the service I am here to do. It is that simple.

Music, art and other creative outlets are also an area I am asked to bring back into my life. There has been imbalance in my life because I have not allowed myself to create. We by nature create, manifest, all the time. To limit this in ourselves is to snuff out our flame, to make life dark and suppressive. Each day I have been asked to sing, listen to music, or both. I have also been asked to find other outlets that will help me express what I feel, who I am. I have chosen painting because I have always wanted to be able to paint what I see behind my eyelids when I sleep, travel OOB or when I meet my Higher Self. My husband is a great artist and musician. I have asked him to help me paint what I have seen. I believe together we can create amazing art that expresses so much more than words ever could.

Here is one of my husbands’ works of art. He painted this from a photo of me and my daughter. He is very good at painting and drawing the human form.

baby

Cuddle Time, oil on canvas, 2008.

I have been asked also to meditate and do yoga daily. This includes self-healing, using essential oils to help with grounding and balancing my chakras, and learning to live through my heart. Each day I am asked to do something different when it comes to meditation and yoga. For example, I am led to read certain books which send me in the direction I need to go at that particular time. Most recently I have been led to read a book on chakras which taught me a tapping technique to help with physical discomfort and imbalance in my body. For the past two nights I have integrated the tapping with my meditation and self-healing and have noticed results, especially with the tension and discomfort in my physical body. Each day I am also led to do a different yoga video. Just last night I did a Kundalini/Hatha blend yoga for 42 minutes. So far, Kundalini and Hatha yoga are the two types I am most drawn to.

Finally, I am being asked to be more aware of what I eat and put into my body. Specifically, (and I am embarrassed to say) I am being asked to stop smoking in the evening. I have done this for as long as I can remember since awakening to my spiritual gifts. At first it was to help with the anxiety I experienced and then it just became something I did for myself since it seemed like so much of my day was spent doing things for others. I stopped many times, every time I was pregnant and for many years at a time. I was able to easily quit whenever I wanted. I know I can stop anytime as this is not a physical addition, it is a mental one. I am having the most difficulty stopping this particular bad habit. I do not smoke much – one to two cigarettes a night. Yet I am told this is too much and that it will interfere with my transformation. As long as I continue to do it, the progress will slow and eventually stop. So I will be quitting. I am told it will be today. lol I guess it is then.

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Inner Sight

I did not sleep much last night and as I type this my eyes are heavy and my head is slightly aching in the right frontal cortex. Even though last night’s vibrations were exciting, I kind of wish they would have not continued so far into the night so I could have gotten more sleep. I have to work today so there is not much I can do except to continue through my day.

Symptom Update

A quick symptom update before I proceed:

  • Headache
  • Twitching in my left side and back (last night only)
  • Neck ache
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Interrupted sleep
  • Visual phenomenon
  • Buzzing sensations in head and third eye
  • Disorientation
  • Buzzing behind eyes and on either side of nose (forms a mask of energy)
  • Dry eyes (this could be from sleep deprivation)
  • Profuse sweating (in the morning)
  • Ear ringing (left ear only last night)

Inner Sight

I was told I would be given more information this morning about what occurred last night. I received some information in my sleep and between sleep during the night. There were intense energy spikes in my head area all night long, some of which caused my lower body to jerk, but this was infrequent. As I mentioned in my last post, I awakened to a familiar state three times after my initial strange experience. The familiar state is the deep trance state I covered in another post. Basically, my head felt expansive and surrounded by a soft energy that felt dense. The energy came in through the base of my neck and shot out through my third eye in what I can only describe as an intense, white light. I did not “see” a light but I sensed a tunnel forming in front of my eyes which heightened my interest. It is this tunnel that leads to conscious exit of the physical body. I have witnessed it before years ago when I spent over a month attempting nightly to consciously exit my body. I finally accomplished conscious exit but found I struggled to remain OOB. If I were to have surrendered like I was instructed I would have gone into the tunnel, passed through the “void” and into likely unfamiliar territory, though it is possible that I may have just gone OOB and gotten to explore as is my usual.

The odd experience I was unable to put into words remains that way. I honestly do not think there are words accurate enough to describe what happened. I do feel I tapped into a very ancient part of myself and that some kind of outward projection was achieved. I was witness to this projection but also the projection itself. This “splitting of consciousness” had a very confusing effect on my physical self. I was/am unable to comprehend it completely. I fell back into my body at the end of this experience feeling disoriented and alarmed, though this was only in my mind. My body was relaxed and completely oblivious to what happened. There were not even any vibrations which is the norm upon reentry.

I will say that my memory of the experience came back more fully as I returned to sleep and experienced continual vibrations in my head. The actual moment I felt part of my consciousness rise up and out of me there was an intensity of energy in my crown and third eye. It felt as if the top of my head exploded outward. At the same time, I saw this other me from behind, his long, blonde hair flowing behind him as he went away from me. I felt myself following him and being pulled upward as well. This movement upward is what wakened me. It felt very much like a conscious exit from my body and I sadly feel it ended prematurely because of my heightened awareness and my inability to shut off my mind as I had been instructed to do.

In my early years of OBEs I had mastered the ability to control my emotions and my mind so that I could remain out of body for many hours at a time. I spent many OBEs prior to this in sessions learning to master my emotions and my mind as these two things were quite a hindrance to my development. I recall the moment I achieved this ability. I was able to distance myself from the heightened emotions that so often overwhelmed me when I left my body. I became a quiet observer rather than a participant and as long as I remained the observer I was able to stay OOB.

Message

As I type this I realize that the message I was told I would get in fact was received but only now am I recalling it. During the buzzing in my head and intensity of energy in my third eyes, I knew suddenly with much clarity that I would eventually have similar experiences while awake – that it would be something I could “turn on” if I wanted. It is not necessarily the vibrations that I would turn on but the “sight”. The vibrations, I am told, will eventually barely be noticeable as I will adjust to the strange sensations that come with them.

I did not spend much time considering it at the time I received this message/knowingness yet now I am wondering how something like that will work. I am curious now. I am also thinking this is all just too weird to be real.

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REemergence

I am here again unable to sleep. I have in fact already been to sleep but for only an hour.

I feel asleep after receiving instructions to focus on my heart. I was also instructed to let my thoughts go, to “get out of my mind”, specifically. I heard also this message, “We are one” but I did not think anything of it. It felt to me to be an intention, a message to me to remember that my higher self is me and I am him. I heard many other things prior to falling asleep, but the message was clear that we were moving forward, though what that meant I was unsure.

Reemergence

What I am about to try to do my best to describe is not something I am sure can be described. If in fact there were any time that one would feel ready to explode in insanity from a Kundalini experience, now would be the time. My heart is buzzing and I am feeling unsettled within myself as I type this. What happened to me?

It began as a dream. Within the dream I was speaking to a man. He was in fact me, but not me. His hair was long, blonde and straight and all one length. His features angular but not overly so. He appeared as a warrior and his movement I was following as I heard discussion going on around me, within me, everywhere. It was whispered to me but my mind could not interpret what was said. It still cannot. I am really not even sure why I was allowed to remember that even occurred, yet I do.

The man I watched/was but was not was tall and thin and lithe. He reminded me one of the character elves on the Lord of the Rings except that this was in fact just a man, a real man. He wore similarly strange clothing as such a character would. Like I said, he appeared to be a warrior but a spiritual warrior, maybe even a shaman.

I intently watched as this man, who was also me but not, came out of inside of himself/myself and launched upward into the air and up. He felt to be a bird that was rising. I am tempted to say he was a Phoenix but again, this is only a word and no words can describe what occurred.

This process continued in this “dream” state for some time. I followed the man and watched us shift together, apart, together, apart. I felt no fear at this, I was just there, participating yet an observer at the same time.

Finally, I was aware again of being me sleeping in my bed. The warrior, as I will call him, approached. When he did it was as if I “awakened” to his presence. I watched/felt as he and I merged, became one, and then he again rose out from within me. When this shift occurred I was hit with an overwhelming knowingness that a monumental step had just happened. I felt to be of two, three, maybe more individuals. There was no energy rising through my chakras, no OBE, no “Spirit” entering or leaving….it was as if I were being made keenly aware that this other me, this blonde warrior, was rising and would sleep no more. I distinctly recognized him as myself yet I did not know him, maybe could not know him with my human mind.

I still struggle to comprehend what happened. It felt distinctly similar to a OBE except that I do not recall any out of body sensations or anything that could constitute separateness from my physical form. The closest explanation my mind can find is that I experienced some kind of inter-dimensional reality but even that does not feel exactly right. How can I be this man and not be him at the same time. How could I have felt what I did and not be insane from it?

I, in fact, had a moment of intense panic after waking. The panic is gone, replaced with a knowingness that this experience was/is part of the process that I am currently going through. I am left feeling very much different than when I went to sleep. Now I feel very linked to something ancient, something that pre-dates Earth and is beyond my ability to conceptualize. I feel very shamanic, native and yet also distinctly bird-like. I cannot help but think of my previous message to myself, “let the Eagle fly”.

I did not hesitate to write this as soon as I awoke. I knew if I didn’t I would not again sleep. I was told, “You will be told more as the sun rises”. I now anticipate a message upon waking.

Reemergence is defined as: 1.  the act or process of emerging. 2. Evolution. Emerging is defined as 1. to come forth into view, as from concealment or obscurity. 2. to rise up or come forth from. 4. to come into existence. I include these definitions because reemergence was the only word that felt close to acceptable as a description of what I experienced.

I wish, I wish, I knew how to explain it. I cannot. Whatever happened, it was Divine. I feel that a part of me has returned to me.

Edit: After returning to bed, I fell asleep and was awakened to intense buzzing in my head and pressure at the back of my skull. It was not painful. I could keenly sense the vibrations, especially in my third eye. It felt as if a light were pouring out of my third eye and I could see a tunnel forming in my mind’s eye. I recognized what was happening and instantly remembered that I had had this same feeling during the above experience but had somehow forgotten it! The waves of vibrations intensified and I became immediately very conscious. I heard, “surrender” from my guide but I could not for the excitement I felt. I recalled that when I felt to be two of myself that this exact intense vibration was being felt and I suddenly recognized that I was receiving the gift of “sight”. I knew if I allowed the vibrations to continue that I would “see beyond the veil”. Unfortunately, I was too fixated on what was happening for the experience to proceed further.

I experienced more vibrations in my head throughout the night. With each one I was instructed to, “surrender” and with each one I was again not able to ignore the intense sensations and visual phenomenon to ignore it, which stopped it from going any further. After the third such experience I told my guide/higher self, “I’m sorry but I am tired”. I purposefully put a stop to the tunnel of vision that was forming in my mind’s eye and rolled over to fall blissfully asleep.

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Ascension Symptom Update

For the second half of the day I have been feeling nudged to write an update on the symptoms I have been having since my most recent kundalini experience.

  • Vision fluctuations, specifically my left eye feels very obviously dominant over my right
  • Vision “shifts”; vision appears to freeze frame (this happens mostly at night)
  • Tingling and warmth in my feet
  • One clogged nostril, each night the opposite one will be clogged for no apparent reason at around the same time each night
  • Extremely high energy
  • Intermittent buzzing in heart chakra and third eye chakra
  • Interrupted sleep; when I wake up I feel rested and ready for the day even if I have only had a few hours of sleep
  • Change in breathing/breath; I breathe deeper and slower
  • Heart rhythm changes
  • Increased body temperature, especially in the morning
  • Profuse sweating, especially in the morning
  • Attraction to specific smells, ie. patchouli oil, frankincense, and cinnamon

In addition to these symptoms I was asked to examine certain aspects of my life:

  • Physical exercise – change type and frequency
  • Harmful toxins – reduce or eliminate completely
  • Relationships  – examine them using the heart rather than the mind
  • Compassion – develop more for self and others
  • Fear – question fear-based life patterns
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Balance is Key

“I won’t do this alone. We are partners in this”.

That is what my guide/Higher Self said to me early this morning.

I had just awakened from a dream in which I was sitting in a booth next to an elderly African American man. I recall him very clearly, both the way he looked and the way he felt. He had kind eyes. The kind of eyes with wrinkles etched deeply around them in an arc from years of smiling. He had patches of gray in his nappy hair and age spots dotted his face. He had a face that likened him to Morgan Freeman, though he was much older.

His energy was soft and calming, filled with love and a deep understanding of me that I cannot remember feeling in this life before. There was a timelessness about him, as if he were ancient beyond understanding and I felt very honored to be in his presence.

He reached over and gingerly took my hand in his. There were no words spoken yet I knew this man was asking me to come be with him. Recognizing this I agonized over the choice. I badly wanted to be with him yet my mind kept going back to my current husband. For some reason I felt that the choice required that I leave my husband behind and my loyalty to him was/is fierce. My family is very important to me and I felt overwhelmed by the choice I felt I was being asked to make.

We sat together like this for some time. I continued to battle from within while he sat with me, holding my hand and surrounding me with acceptance and love. It was obvious to me that I would choose him and the fear of losing all I have was overpowering. Each time I would panic he would send a wave of love toward me. I felt it rise up from my root chakra. It moved upward along the back of my spine. I felt it rise all the way up between my shoulder blades. It was tingly and nice but I resisted it, worried again about betraying my husband. At the same time I desperately wanted to let the energy find my heart and anticipated the amazing feeling that would accompany it. Yet I could not let it reach my heart, not yet.

I awoke to the energy spiraling up my spine. I was laying on my back and my guide/Higher Self was all around me. I knew instantly the elderly man in my dream had been him. I was overcome with emotion at this and there was finally an understanding of just how beautiful I am. An understanding the he was me and I was him and that he would be patient and loving through the process. He would not rush me and he would not force me into anything I did not want or was not ready for. And that is when he said, “I won’t do this alone. We are partners in this”. And I felt such relief at this statement because I worried that I had no choice; that I was merely along for the ride. It was now obvious to me that I had a say and that when I was reluctant, my Higher Self would hold my hand and gingerly take me through the process of clearing whatever it was that was holding me back.

In response my guide/Higher Self said, “Be kind to yourself” and I remembered the lesson I learned about my inner child. At the memory he asked me to consider the choices ahead. When I began to grow fearful he again reminded me to remember my inner child and to treat her with kindness, patience and love. When I did this I wanted to cry and there was approval felt from my Higher Self.

Wide Awake

It was 3:30am and I could not return to sleep. My mind was very awake and I felt rested and ready for the day. I contemplated just getting up and getting ready for the day but knew my body would tire much too quickly if I did. I asked my guide, “Help me to sleep” and he said, “Lay on your back” and so I did, but I do not really like sleeping on my back. He said, “Your heart is more open this way”. I accepted this. But my mind was full of thoughts and would not quiet. He then said to me, “Listen. Focus on your heart”. And so I did and the thoughts stopped and I felt the energy in my heart surge. This has been happening when I focus on my heart and listen.

I lay there for a while without thought and an odd thing became noticeable to me. At times I would be very aware of my heartbeat. Sometimes it would beat loudly in my ears, racing. Then, almost as soon as it would start, it would fade out and be quiet again. I did not feel it beating in my chest, I just heard it. I was instructed to not focus on it but I couldn’t help but hear it when the beating would intensify. Eventually, though, I must have fallen asleep despite the distraction.

Dreams

My dreams were nothing like the thoughts that had been keeping me awake. They continued the conversation I had been having with my guide/Higher Self. The most vivid one was of me returning to the same university campus I had been in in another recent dream. The university was very grande and ancient looking and I was late for class. Interestingly, I went onto campus in a wheelchair and was the teacher, not the student. I entered my classroom and there was a science lad underway. I knew my first period was off so I questioned the instructor who apologized for using my classroom without prior notice.

I left and headed for my History class. In this class I would be the student. I also knew where the class was held. This is in contrast to my last dream in which I felt lost and could not remember my schedule. I headed to the second floor and the room number 10.

I awoke again, the dream very vivid in my mind and my guide/Higher Self once again felt to be all around me. It was 5:00am and I knew I still had an hour before I needed to get up. Again I was not tired and thought about just getting up but my guide/Higher Self instructed me to stay and to again focus on my heart. I did, the buzzing energy in my heart intensified and information began to pour into me from my Higher Self.

PendulumRound Two

Through this communication I recognized that during this phase in my merging that I was working from the root chakra upward while in the first phase (the one that started in 2003) I had been working from the crown down. I saw this process occurring and being helped along by guides and assistants. This made sense to me as when I first became aware of my guides and spiritual gifts it seemed to come all at once and I seemed ill prepared to handle the responsibility of it. I spent most of my time very ungrounded. This was only intensified by my denial of my physical life and responsibilities.

Rather than view this merging process as something planned and enacted by some higher power than myself, I began to see it as a process being played out between the part of me who Forgets and the part who Remembers. The part who Remembers is the teacher and the part who Forgets is the pupil. As the teacher, the part of me who Remembers must adjust the lessons and the process based upon the response of the pupil. If the pupil cannot handle one method, then another one is employed. And another, and another, and so on and so forth until the pupil is responsive.

During round one, though I was responsive in the beginning, the process was overwhelming and I hadn’t gained enough life experience to handle it properly. It was then determined, by us both, that a delay was needed and a new method was employed for this second phase.

So here I am, slowly moving through this round and finding it much easier and less chaotic than the first. I recognize that it is because I have matured and gained in experience. Specifically, the experiences I have had of motherhood were/are necessary.  Without them I would not have the compassion for myself that is needed to progress. I also have the lessons learned from the previous round and the Ego has grown weaker as a result.

Balance is Key

I now understand just how important it is to remained balanced through this process. In the first phase I immersed myself in the spiritual and denied the physical to the point that I became very out of balance. A result was near insanity and complete misery as I fell into a deep depression. I remember the discussion I had with my guide/Higher Self at the time I was losing touch with physical reality. I saw in my mind a pendulum and recognized that I had only allowed it to swing to one side, the spiritual. I was told it was time to let the pendulum swing the other way. Eventually, I saw that the pendulum would swing both directions, maintaining a balance between both worlds. But first I had to live the other extreme which denied the spiritual. I did this for nearly five years.

Now I am being asked to reintegrate the spiritual and find balance. It comes with the same feeling of trepidation that came with the end of the last phase. This time, though, I feel more prepared. My view of my guide/Higher Self is shifting noticeably. Rather than feeling intimidated like a schoolgirl entering the principal’s office when he speaks to me, I feel honor and reverence in his presence. I am beginning to identify him as me.

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From OBE to Life

Today, after struggling horribly this morning with a most unsettling energy that made me shiver all over from the intensity of it, I followed the advice of my guide and left the house and the computer behind. While in my car the energy was hitting my head and my whole body was near convulsions as I tried to drive. I hit a stop light and had to calm myself as the thought hit me that I may pass out. I even began to sense the darkness entering my vision from the sides. I remembered to breathe and focus on my heart and by the time I reached my destination I was feeling better.

I spent the entire day out and about, most of it outside. I even took a walk with my husband and went to the playground with my children. As the day progressed I found myself noticing people that I normally would not notice. There was a man in the grocery store having a conversation on a cell phone. I couldn’t help but overhear what he was saying. He was from out of town and had no money, his debit card was broken and he could not reach his sister to get help. I passed him several times and wanted to stop and ask him, “How can I help?” There was an urge to do this but I resisted, thinking, “What if he is lying?” or “He will find help”. I did not end up talking to him and left the store without seeing him again. I now wish I had at least tried to help him.

Later, as I was stopped at a stop light, I saw a man with a sign asking for money. This is common where I live and I normally don’t take much notice. Yet for some reason I kept thinking, “I could give him some money” and wanted to. The more I looked at him, the more I tuned into his energy and felt compassion for him. I knew he was not normally one to ask for handouts.

The light changed and my chance was lost but the feeling of compassion remained.

On my way home I saw more homeless on the other corner. I felt bad for them as well and wondered about them. I even imagined yelling out to them from across the busy road but then decided against it for fear one would put themselves in harms way. Also, their energy was more muddled than the man I saw previously and I knew they would not appreciate my help.

homelessNudges

I did not have time to really contemplate much of anything all day, yet little tidbits of information did not wholly go unnoticed. I kept returning to my computer feeling I should write at least something of my experiences but the urge was never there. My mind was totally blank.

I decided to do some yoga and relax some and then again sat at the computer. I kept reading and re-reading the other post I wrote today as if I trying to not forget it. In the midst of reading over another one of my posts from earlier this year a thought hit me, a memory of a cognition I had earlier in the day. I thought, “I need to write about that”.

And here I am, writing and my mind is not clouded or muddled.

This morning after I got the message to leave (and I felt it urgently), I was preparing to leave the house. I felt hungry and instantly knew I needed to eat and felt led to the fridge to make myself a protein smoothie. I remember feeling consciously pushed in this direction and I did not resist.

This same nudging continued throughout the day. I called my husband out of the blue (nudge, nudge) and invited him for lunch. I told him I wanted to talk to him about what was going on with me. I remember thinking to myself, “I do?”

When we sat down, I had no idea what I wanted to say. We sat outside (which is out of character for me) and I listened to him, completely without any other thought than to hear what he had to say. When he finished I effortlessly told him what I wanted to tell him. It came out so well, without a glitch and I said something very out of character. My husband, of course, was pleased and I was speechless. When he asked me about it I told him, “I came here not knowing what I would say and then I just said all that”.

It was not that I didn’t want to say what I said. I did. What is odd here is that, normally, I have trouble hearing my husband as he talks about his work which is very boring to me. This time I was thinking of nothing but what he said. I had not one moment of anxiety caused by thinking ahead.

And I recognized that I spent the entire day –  in the moment!

Later, a thought hit me out of the blue and I nearly forgot about it except that it came back to me, as if I had put all this day’s events together somehow without consciously thinking about it.

I realized that these urges I have been receiving, I have gotten over and over again while OOB. Sometimes I go with the “suggestions” and other times I don’t. What has been occurring most recently in my OBEs is that when I do not follow the suggestions I pop back into my body. I lose that which I most want – to be OOB – because I do not listen.

And that is when it hit me: Perhaps that is what has been going on my entire life. I have not been listening and have missed that which I really wanted, to be happy and at peace, because I didn’t listen.

I know it seems small to those of you who consistently listen to your Higher Self, but to me this is HUGE. I am stubborn and I do not like to feel “controlled”. I have been getting messages for as long as I can remember from my guide to “listen”. I never really understood until today.

I listened (for the most part anyway) and my day was good. Pleasant. Positive. Balanced. I was more in the moment than I have ever been. My mind was not a mess of thoughts.

So there is a positive to all this kundalini and based just upon today I can’t wait to see what other positives come of it. And I hear my guide say to me, “Imagine that every day was like today and that is what you will have tenfold”.

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New Direction

Since my experience on the 12th I have been processing the changes that resulted. I cannot put into words what happened/is happening. It is just a process that has a definite end result. The in-between period, the time of reorganization, has begun. How long it will last, I do not know for sure, but I do know that it will last as long as it takes for me to come back into balance.

Too Many Thoughts

I find my thoughts being pulled in many different directions. I am struggling to find time to direct those thoughts and I want badly to do so because they are not going away. I feel drawn more than ever to put my thoughts into words but when I try to organize them in a presentable way, I cannot. For me, this is a conundrum. I am, by nature, very good at organizing my thoughts into easily understandable sentences and paragraphs that flow together in a easy-to-read fashion. This comes from years of schooling and essay writing. Yet I feel split into so many different directions, the ideas piling up on top of one another and threatening to overwhelm me.

I am near tears writing this because I cannot seem to get myself to focus on any one thing for very long. When I try I feel like my head is going to explode in frustration as I struggle to form my thoughts. What is happening to me!?

I see this as an energy adjustment from head to toe with each layer of my aura being affected. There is white light radiating downward and all kinds of colors intermingled, the most prominent of these colors is blue, lavender, pink, and fuchsia. I am not sure how kundalini usually works or if there is a “usual” way, but from what I am shown, my kundalini is coming into my center from both directions, above and below. I am told this disrupts more than just my energy. I guess my thoughts are being affected as well?

This in effect is the “rewiring” I have seen so often written about online and in channeled messages and such. I finally understand it. I am being told to be patient with myself and being reassured that the thoughts and ideas I am trying to get a handle on will not “disappear” but will be available to me at the time they are meant to be shared.

Symptoms

And so I give up on trying to control this as it is obvious I am to become a passenger in this car down the road to awakening. I am a horrible backseat driver (ask my poor husband) so this will be a challenge. However, if my Higher Self is anything like me, he/she will not be one to give in to my complaints and whining. Thankfully I have a feeling he/she is much more compassionate and understanding than I typically am.

I am being urged to present my symptoms to you all and since these thoughts are the ones that are easily accessible and clear in my mind, I will submit to them and the guidance of my Higher Self.

  • Headache the comes and goes
  • Lower back pain
  • Increased thirst
  • Increased hunger
  • Increased energy fluctuations
  • Sweating
  • Sporadic energy “bursts” from heart, third chakra and head
  • Sporadic “lightening” bolts of energy from bottom and top of body
  • Increased desire to lay on my stomach when sleeping
  • Inability to sleep with another person (going on for 2 years now)
  • High energy
  • Periods of deep, dreamless sleep
  • Increased instances of OBEs, visions and other phenomenon
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Increased perceptivity
  • Sensitivity to food, drugs, alcohol
  • Disorganized thoughts; confusion
  • Spontaneous instances of physical body detoxification which results in illness, digestive changes, metabolism fluctuations
  • Sudden mood swings

_74219715_changeNew Direction

And again the word “conundrum” comes into my mind. This word is not a usual one for me which brings me to suspect that part of the changes occurring is a rewiring of my brain. It means, “A confusing or difficult problem or situation”. And I had to look it up because, well, I am a mommy now not a college student. Anyway, it is so very perfect a word to describe my situation. It is confusing! But this is a confusion beyond anything I have ever experienced. If I weren’t sure this is the direct result of my spiritual awakening/ascension I would surely be considering seeking professional help!

And I remember I have been here before. Years ago during my first attempt at this transformation (the one I stopped), I recall feeling similarly and it causing me to be certain I was very much indeed going insane. I was so thoroughly convinced of this fact that I went to a psychiatrist who promptly diagnosed me as Bipolar II. Ha! I even took the nasty little anti-psychotic drug she prescribed. I only lasted four days on it because I knew it was NOT right and I was NOT crazy. In actuality, the drug was making me feel crazier! Anyway, I have been here before and I am being guided/told “the only way out is through”.

This new direction, this uncharted territory, is what I am afraid of. I can feel the fear in my third chakra as it rises in me at the very thought of allowing my Higher Self to take charge. I am being asked to step back. Me. The one who has been in control (or the illusion thereof) of this body, mind and life for 38 years! How dare he/she! Yet I am so not resistant, believe-it-or-not. I am ready for this. But I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid that I will go crazy. Afraid that I will get lost somewhere in the confusion of my thoughts and never find my way back.

This new direction is literally to give over access of my thoughts to my Higher Self. So far I am understanding this to mean that whenever I am faced with the feeling of confusion that rises in intensity whenever I focus on the many thoughts floating haphazardly through my mind, I am to immediately focus upon my heart and be still. When I do this, the confusion dissipates and there is calm. And when I do this a thought stream appears that is coherent and clearly separate.

As I try to process this I feel the fear rising and I suppress it, swallowing hard. I want to freak out and think, think, think it to death, but I can’t. It is like someone has put a tourniquet on my mind. The only thought that comes through is to focus on my heart, listen and trust. When I do that, my head and heart both buzz with energy. My head almost feels as if I will pass out the energy is so intense.

And I have an urge to get out. Out of the house and outside. Live life. Focus on life, even if it is boring and mundane. This is where I will find balance. And I need that right now.

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Easing the Symptoms of Ascension – Part 4

The final way to diminish the symptoms of ascension is to live through the heart, not the mind.

Living through the Heart

Ultimately, ascension, when complete, results in the individual living from their heart. But, in the interim, one must practice living through the heart in order to avoid living through the mind. The more one follows their heart, or how a situation or decision feels, the less overwhelming their ascension symptoms. Living through the heart may seem simple, but for most it is not. It involves listening to your Higher Self, which is not always easy, especially when in the midst of life’s chaotic rhythm.

Meditation

One can become more in tune with their heart via meditation. A simple meditation focused upon the heart center is all that is needed. There are many guided healing meditations to be found on the internet that focus upon the heart center. I suggest doing one of these daily but if you cannot then at least once a week. It only takes a few minutes and can make a load of difference.

If you are unsure which heart mediation to do, I suggest the Opening the Heart Guided Meditation at Mediation Oasis. They have a podcast free to download and I have used this meditation many times. It is 27 minutes long, so make sure you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted alone time.

Intuition

Messages from the Higher Self simply put are intuition. They are the gut feelings that tell you to think twice about a decision or situation. They are the feelings of dread that hit you for no reason. They are the feelings of love that pour through you for no reason. In a nutshell, these messages are intuitive, they are feelings.

Whenever you are making a decision that is difficult and you don’t know what to do, listen to your heart. Focus on how making the decision makes you feel. For example, if you are struggling to decide whether you should stay at your current job or leave it you can focus on how each decision makes your feel when you think about it. If leaving your current job gives you the same feeling as staying then it likely means wait. If one gives you a sinking feeling then that one is likely the one you should not do.

Living through the heart is not by any means easy, but it does get easier with practice. I will not say that I am an expert at it but I am getting better. What is great about ascension is that when it is over, living through the heart will be second nature.

Final Thoughts

You now know the ways you can effectively diminish your uncomfortable ascension symptoms:

1. Ground properly and consistently.
2. Avoid contact with overly emotional, negative or otherwise unbalanced individuals.
3. Live through the heart, not the mind.
If you make these three things a habit in your daily life, then you may be able to come through the ascension process feeling a little worn and a bit ragged, but none the worse for your travels. If you find that you are struggling despite doing these three things then I suggest you increase the time you spend doing these three things. It could be that you need a little bit more grounding, a little less contact with unfamiliar people and a little more focus upon your heart. Whatever happens, don’t cut yourself off completely from your loved ones and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes even the strong get weak and need a helping hand.

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Earth, Fire, Air and Water

I can’t sleep and feel I need to write this so here I go.

The 12/12 “activation” or portal or whatever it is called is real. At least for me, anyway.

There are no words to really describe what is happening to me as I type this. I am still not sure even what is happening but I know it is good. I also know that what my guide told me is true: I cannot stop it.

Earth, Fire, Air and Water

In my dream I was speaking with others, several others, at least four. I don’t recall the conversation now, but I remember some parts of it. 1. I was voicing my concern about not knowing how to handle an energy exchange that was going on, at least it feels like we were discussing energy. 2. The energy exchange had to do with the elements. 3. Others were helping and the message was that I needed to communicate with the elements of this energy.

What I recall most vividly is talking to an “element” who was very obviously masculine, yet at the same time I did not feel particularly feminine. I could see the communication in my mind, typed out. When I responded it was also typed out. This went on for some time within a “void”. It was as if I were floating in this void but I do not recall feeling as if I were floating. The words elude me now, but I do remember reaching out to this masculine energy and speaking to him about the elements. I believe, though I don’t remember exactly, that I was trying to blend “water” with “fire” but then “earth” was also discussed so I am at a loss as to which element exactly I was portraying and which one the masculine presence was portraying.

When it was decided that I would go through with whatever I was doing (energy work?) I felt myself very much to be laying down with my back to this masculine energy. I felt him/it (the energy) gingerly reach out to me and wrap around me from behind. It was like a hug, but nothing like any hug I have ever known. What is very important here is that this energy was patient, understanding and deeply connected to me. He was approaching me tentatively and with such care that I felt completely and utterly open and trusting towards him. I surrendered to him and the energy intensified, filling me to my core and exploding out my midsection.

I awoke in this energy very rigid, my body feeling contorted and stiff as the energy seemed to skewer me at an angle. It entered from below my root and shot up through my center. It did not hurt but it was odd and I could not get a grasp on my feelings. In fact, I had such odd feelings that I do not know how to describe them except to say that they were muted and confused. I felt I should cry, but I had no tears and no welling up of emotion. I felt I should cry out in ecstasy, but there was no ecstasy to be felt. My mind was awake but I could not think. It was like I was frozen.

My guide was near and he seemed to be the source of this odd calm or frozen emotional feeling I was having. The gentleness with which he handled me is beyond words. I tried to understand what was going on, but all he would say was, “You are changing”. I understood this to be true but I didn’t know why, or how.

I focused on the energy because it was still very much alive within me. It felt to me to be writhing and moving around in a zigzag or winding pattern. It moved upward and I held my breath anticipating it hitting my heart chakra, but it never did. My guide said, “It is fear”, but I felt no fear. How can you have fear but not feel it??

I then became very uncomfortably aware that I needed to pee. I also felt my upper back arching and I could not relax it. My head began to throb dully and I could feel my higher chakras shooting energy upward, but like all of the energy, it was gentle and no emotion came of it. I literally felt like my body was a channel of energy and I was just its confused, observing participant.

I eventually got up and the energy continued. After I used the restroom and satiated my thirst I became horribly hungry. I tried to return to sleep but had to eat. So I went down to eat.

Knowing

I checked the time and it was 12:50am. I had been awake for some time and suspected the beginning of this event occurred right after midnight. On 12/12. 12/12/14. I guess the message was true. But what of the veil that was to lift? I didn’t/don’t understand the message’s significance. Yet.

I attempted to sleep but so many questions flooded my mind (along with the energy that even now is lingering). My guide asked me to answer them from within and I suddenly knew the answers and the calm in the knowingness with them is beyond words.

I knew/was told my path, my purpose on Earth, was soon to be revealed to me. I knew it involved helping others who were both here and those that were not yet here. It is hard to put into words what I knew./know but it is as if my job is to be a channel between worlds, a conduit allowing consciousness to flow unhindered in both directions. If I could draw a picture it would be of me, my body, floating as if laying sideways on my side, with energy coursing through me. The energy has no exit and no entrance, it just is. Like a lightening bolt, it shoots through my center and pours out of me in all directions. I am immobilized and my body is not mine, it is a tool I use to do my work.

I am aware of much above, behind and all around me. It is consciousness and it is ever expansive. I feel those who are that consciousness, waiting. They are all one now, but will not remain that way. They are waiting. They are waiting. They are waiting. It keeps repeating and it makes me want to burst out in tears that are filled with every emotion imaginable.

And I still hear my guide say, “You are afraid”, and I understand. I am afraid but it is of something I do not quite understand yet. It is immense and I feel the burden of it, but I cannot express the feeling. It sits in my core and the energy fills it and explodes outward.

I don’t think there are words for what is happening. If there were, I for sure would know them.

And I hear my guide, my most beloved, patient, caring, nurturing and loving Higher Self, say, “Yes. It will continue” when I wonder if I will ever fall back to sleep. I know I will, but I have to write this first.

I thought of calling a friend who is likely fast asleep, hundreds of miles away with her family all around her. I do not want to burden her with….what? I do not even know. I call out to her with my soul and I feel connections to others I know but have never met. Some on FB some I have yet to meet. Who are they? I know them but I do not remember them.

Kundalini

It is irrevocable what is happening to me. There is nothing I can do but I am not resistant. I know the energy is best termed “kundalini” and I am now a believer that the serpent resides within me and is coiling, twisting and pushing its way upward to the light above. I am the light and the serpent is reaching toward me. I can feel the energy from above pushing downward as much as I feel the energy below coursing upward. When they meet there will be union and I am almost there. If I could just get past my fear.

My guide tells me, “You are clear”, but I wonder if I am only clear in one chakra as I can feel the blockage in the dullness of the energy shooting out of my second and third chakras. Thankfully it is not painful and I am pleased at that, though I know if I push too hard, rush what is happening, that I could be in agony. Not just a physical agony but a mental one as well.

It is true that this must progress slowly. That the process must not be altered but allowed to go on unhindered. But then again I cannot stop it now can I?