Category Archives: consciousness

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Prompting from My Team

After yesterday’s sudden memory of dreamtime work, I found myself struggling with massive heart chakra fluctuations. I would go from feeling normal to suddenly being very emotional. I busied myself baking Christmas cookies for most of the day to avoid it, but there was always a feeling that my attention was needed elsewhere. There came with it an urge to sit at the computer and write, but I was afraid of what would come out.

Night Brings Memory

I desperately wanted to sleep and wake to a new day, but it seems that was not meant to be. I tossed and turned for a good three hours before I finally slept. In that time I would often slip into the in-between; on the edge of sleep and wakefulness. It was like when I crossed that “line” there was a floodgate opened and all that transpired previously – my “other” work – would return.

The memories would wake me up with a start and I would ask they be removed and they would. Yet some remained, enough for me to feel the urgency behind them and the prompting from my Team to allow these memories to remain.

Thankfully, I fell asleep and do not recall much of my dreams. I do remember once again being a teacher of children, this time high school aged. I felt very calm and composed despite their misbehavior. It is like I transformed into a much wiser, more patient guide to them compared to my actual time teaching in the physical.

I awoke much too early for my liking – 5:30. I felt immediately the presence of my Team. One was close and persistent. I would fall into the in-between and it seemed like he would slip into my consciousness symbols and memories. One such symbols I saw looked like a large pecan. I thought, “pecan” and was corrected by him – “chromosome”. I recognized the similarity and almost laughed but then got upset because I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me to remember something and I was set against it.

Another memory came to me in a very detailed image of blueprints. They appeared to be blueprints for the building of some kind of machine. It was curious and I knew it belonged to a type of aircraft and that part of the blueprints included the platform on which it would land. I was curious but then again pushed it away as if yelling, “No!” Yet the memory remains solid in my mind even now.

As I tried to settle into my heart center I felt this assistant nearby. I received communication from him on behalf of my Team. “We want you to Remember. It is of the utmost importance”.

I do want to, but then I don’t. I am conflicted.

I received communication that I would Remember. I was told I would be “visited”. I am not sure what that means nor do I really care. I can request it be saved in my subconscious to be remembered later.

Prompting 

Though I do not open the doors to the full communication, I can feel what it is They want me to do. They want me to fully accept what I Know and am Remembering. This includes sharing it with others. The reason I feel urged to write is to share what I am experiencing and Remembering. This is part of my mission here. It is meant to be more involved than I am allowing it to be.

I have a strong draw to connect with others like myself. At first I was just reading other blogs and websites and perusing Facebook. Now, though, I am feeling a strong urge to connect with certain groups and people – meaning send them emails or telephone them. I resist, though, because to connect with these group and people means I am accepting my experiences and knowingness fully. I am not sure I am there yet. Some of these groups and people are very “out there” in their beliefs and experiences. There are contactees, abductees, Starseeds, channelers, and others. I am drawn to them very strongly. I feel like I have to talk to them, but about what I have no idea.

Shifting into Alternate Dimensions

I wanted to add one more thing before I forget again. The reason I am struggling to fall asleep is that as I slip into the in-between I feel a strangeness come over me. It is an odd feeling that I cannot describe and it unsettles me. It reminds me of previous experiences I have had where I feel that pieces of me are leaving or returning. It scares me but really I should not be scared. When I feel this fear my Ego driven consciousness awakens and the feeling subsides. But it returns as soon as I near sleep.

I am told I am shifting into alternate dimensions. I cross over the veil or whatever it is that divides this world from the next. The feeling is my energy body moving out of my physical body but not in the way that is usual with an OBE. There are no vibrations like with OBE. It is subtler and hard for me to understand. It has to do with a new ability I have not fully awakened to (I am doing it but it has not fully integrated with this consciousness yet) and the crystalline body is involved.

When I shift is when the memories come flooding in. I feel different when this happens. Like I am me but I am not me. I suspect this feeling is my Companion taking the pilot seat and me stepping back. Except that I don’t step back. I freak out when the Knowingness and the strange feeling takes over.

I will say that the urges I am feeling to connect with others like myself and to speak up about what I am going through are getting stronger and stronger. I almost blurted out to my husband, “I am talking to aliens” but held back this morning because I was not ready to get into a long dialogue about it. But I suspect I will eventually blurt out something soon enough if this urgency, this prompting of such intensity, continues.

I know why I am so resistant. The urgency and the intensity of it scares me. I feel unable to control it and the things I Remember and experience. This creates fear and resistance from the Ego and is in the way. I am told I will “relinquish”. Probably. They are always right.

 

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Anchoring the Grid

I was awakened at 4:30 am both by my Team and by my youngest who is teething. I attempted to return to sleep but found my mind inundated with information. I pleaded with my Team to shut it off – I wanted to sleep! Yet it continued even after I reinforced my “shielding”.

Eventually I felt I needed to just tune-in, so I settled on my back and focused on my heart space.

Preparation

I soon found myself in-between and in a lucid to semi-lucid state. I was meeting up with several members of a large-extended “family”. I recognized all of them but was there specifically to meet up with four individuals.

What we discussed is mostly lost to me now, but I do recall we were “preparing” for a birthday celebration. I remember seeing a dark haired woman who had long, wavy hair that reached her waist. She wore dark colored lipstick and was very familiar to me. There were two other women as well who were also familiar. One had brown hair and the other had lighter hair than mine (blonde). All were wearing dark dresses that reminded me of a coven of witches or a pagan ritual-type of scene.

There was a young man also with us who I looked upon as my little brother. He was tagging along as an observer as he was not quite ready to take part in our “ritual”. I remember being very fond of him, almost coddling him.

I was pulled from this meeting occasionally to consult and contemplate. In these times I would gain more lucidity. Each time I would see a scene as if looking out a window. It was always a beautiful scene of Fall with trees of varying colored leaves and rolling hillsides. I kept wanting to see the Rocky Mountains but it wasn’t the Rockies. I believe it was the Appalachian Mountains or at least the rolling hills near them.

When in these more lucid moments I would become aware of an energy seeming to flow both up and down my body in waves. It was a comfortable energy. It felt natural and pleasant.

OBE: Cut Short

In one of these periods where I could feel the energy, I knew I could exit my body and so in one fluid motion rolled out and immediately flew upward. I could not see well and immediately asked for more energy. I could see the outline of my home, the staircase to my left. I moved toward the front door and saw a barrier of energy in front of me. It appeared dark like everything else, but I recognized it as an entity (not a bad one). I instinctively knew the energy was there to stop me. I pushed past it (not through it ) and kept moving toward the door. I again asked for more energy but felt instead that I should not be OOB. I protested this and tried to force my own agenda. With a big rush, I was pulled back into my body and found myself back in my bed. The energy was still pulsing up and down my body and I returned to the in-between.

I was immediately reminded, “You cannot leave your body right now”. I requested more information. I got exactly that.

Anchoring the Grid and “Flash” Consciousness

I remembered what I had been doing when in the in-between. The people I was meeting were people I know from the internet but have never met in real life. I got their names – LightLover, Angel and Elizabeth. The young man I did not receive a name for.

I saw that we were working with the energy of the Earth. Specifically the new energy grid hat has been established to elevate the consciousness of Earth. I was told, “Holding” as an explanation of what we were doing with this energy. I saw that the energy (blue-green in color) was coming into each of us and we were essentially keeping it anchored and allowing the energy to expand outward.

I saw the energy grid and recognized we were the grid! This grid is being anchored and the energy held by individuals all over the planet. We are doing this work on a multidimensional level (subconscious for the most part). Yet I was being allowed to glimpse my part in it at this time.

I wondered to what purpose we were doing this and it was explained that we chose to hold the energy for those who could not. We integrate and transmute the energy for those who are currently unable to. This energy grid is the new template, the new Earth template, and one in which we will eventually move into permanently.

I was told this is “Phase 2” and that there are four phases. I did not request more information other than to ask what Phase 1 was. I only received information about the loss of animal species (extinction).

Finally, I heard that this event was a “Flash Consciousness” event. Similar to a “Flash Mob” but purposeful. Individuals are invited to these events to help push/shift consciousness up to a higher level. Apparently this morning at around 4:30am CST there was one of these events occurring not just here but in other locations all over the globe.

Science Commander

As I absorbed this information, I could feel the energy pulsing through my body and was aware of the light that was the Source of this energy. I relaxed into the feeling, enjoying the energy going up, down, up, down, up, down – root to crown, crown to root.

Then the young man from my previous in-between experience approached me and called me, “Commander”. I responded, “Yes?” and this brought me into a more conscious awareness. I wondered, “Me? Commander?” I heard, “Yes, Science Commander”.

I thought, “Science? What does that have to do with this? Why Science?” And I remembered my dream from the night before where I signed a contract to be a “Science Teacher”.

I received information then of the “scientific” aspect of this work I am doing. It is indeed a science, one that is on a whole other level than what we are familiar with here on Earth. I saw the grid, I saw the anchors all over the world (people anchors). I saw the “vessels” located at different strategic points in space above the Earth. These were rendezvous points where we “holders” go to “check-in” and receive information about the current state of Earth’s energies.

What is strange is that most of this information is not accessible to me now. It is there in a sort of visual but not in the scientific terminology it was when I received it. Yet I completely comprehend it and feel comfortable with it.

I was, last night, in the area of the Blue Ridge portion of the Appalachian Mountains of the U.S. Specifically I was around southern Tennessee, helping  to establish the anchors in that area. I was told I had been doing this work on the night of the 5th as well and that the next date is the 11th.

Not all the anchors are maintaining a holding pattern right now. This means some are unable to “hold” the energy for very long and so others must come in and take over. Eventually, the holders will remain 100% of the time and this exchange will be unnecessary. Until then, people like me make  “rounds” to help assist with the exchange as we already are able to hold (anchor) the energy all the time.

It is all very beautiful to behold. I wish I could show it to you.

 

 

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The Antecedent

I have been holding back writing about something that has been going on because I was still trying to figure out what it was and if it was anything of note. I believe I now have a good understanding of what it is.

Antecedent

For the past several nights I have been seeing colors behind my closed eyes. These are not just blank patches of colors. No. These are colorful objects. I have no idea what I am seeing, though.

The color I first saw was a vivid purple. It was in the shape of two circles, one on top of the other, but there were swirls of different hues of purple inside the circles and I swear I also saw triangles inside.

The next color was blue. A vivid blue. A blue that completely saturated my visual field.

The next color was orange. This time the image was obvious. It was of oranges, a huge pile of them.

Then I saw a vivid red. There was a circular shape with this color, too.

I have a slight memory  of seeing yellow and green as well, but not as vividly nor as long.

These colors came and went in the previous nights always in the same order. Last night I finally asked what was going on.

I saw myself as a shimmering, crystalline energy body. I was nearly white but when I thought “white” I was corrected. No, its silver.

I was told this is what my energy now looks like. I could clearly see my arms. They looked like they were covered in silvery-white, iridescent armor without seams. So beautiful!

I wondered about the lights. I heard, “Antecedent”. This caused me to pause for a moment. I was momentarily confused. Was this the grammatical version of the word or the version which meant, “to come before”?

I knew it was the latter.

Of course I asked,”Antecedent to what?”

I saw in my mind’s eye two different spirals, one silver, the other gold. They intertwined and spun together as if dancing. It very much resembled a metallic braid.

The information came through along with the image. I knew what I was seeing was a soul braid, a term I have only heard recently to describe a type of walk-in experience where another soul “walks in” but the current soul remains and the two share the physical vessel. They are braided together; merged.

It was then as if all the blanks began to fill in. Like someone turned on the lights.

 

What I Know

The colors are a process I have been through before. My chakras are being aligned and attuned. I was seeing and experiencing this attunement in a different way than before. Last time I had a dream of it. This time I am feeling it. The attunement is a preparation for another energy to assume control over the chakras. They must be precisely attuned for this to occur. Not necessarily a higher vibration but a purer one.

With seeing the colors I often get a strange buzzing in my crown chakra. This last time, last night, I felt as if I was being pushed OOB. I felt myself shifting to the right as if being pushed gently from the left. This startled me and I resisted. So I did not leave my body.

The information that came to me was that in May this year, when I had that profound experience where I felt to be two people in one body, was in fact that. The other remained, remains to this day. I was told not long after that that we were merged. This essentially means the soul braid is complete. Presently, another step is about to be taken. I am being asked to “step back” and allow this other me to come forward and “take the reins” again.

Oddly, I am not freaked out by this. The experience I had in May was so sublime, so beautifully spectacular in every imaginable way that there is no way I am going to say no to another opportunity to experience something like it again! However, I am told this time it will be “different”. How, I am not sure.

I am told that this other part wants to experience this life for a time and that he/she wants to “teach me some things” and will do so when this “transfer” occurs (now I know why I said a “transfer” the other morning!). I felt from this communication that there is a great opportunity to learn on both our parts by participating in the transfer.

When asked when this will occur, the other me just said, “Whenever you decide to let go”. Which, of course, means I must be willing to give up the pilot’s seat. Considering I did it before, I don’t think it will be an issue. However, I am reminded that last time I never actually gave up control, I just shared it. Can I actually give it up? What would that be like? Hmm

Walk-In/Soul Braid

The third-eye and accompanying heart chakra activity I have been experiencing on a near constant basis is evidence of the successful soul braid. I know that now.

I honestly can’t believe this is happening to me. I was led to the idea of walk-in months ago (prior to May) but it never quite made sense to me. Why would I be told walk-in when it is evident that I am STILL here? Yet I did experience something profound and have since been so much more connected than I have ever been with my guide/HS/companion traveler (not really sure what to call him now!).

It now makes so much sense to me! The other soul walked-in in May and initiated the merge/braid at that time. The connection or braid was made official not long after when I was told “the merging is complete”.

I feel honored to be in this situation. I cannot explain it nor can I describe the deep connection, the love and devotion that I have for my Companion (that is what he wishes to be called – so be it). Call me crazy or whatever but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

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Things to Keep in Mind

Just a random post. Don’t mind me. 🙂

Some Things to Keep in Mind

Stop thinking of this life as an “illusion”, if it was meant to be an illusion, then you would have known it to be so from the beginning. It was meant to be “real” and in fact is very real in and of itself for its purposes. To continue to think of it as “unreal” is to lessen the significance of the experience and thus limit the usefulness of the data collected. It is better to think of all experience as equal and to fully immerse ones self in the current experience one finds themselves in.

Life is a game which contains within it many other games going on simultaneously. It is your choice which games you wish to play. No one game is any less worthwhile than the other. The choice depends on you and what you wish to learn. Recognizing the game gives you an advantage. Remembering you have played the game before is also an advantage. With this memory you can choose to play new games instead of playing the same games over and over.

Some Things to Remember

I really like how I “wrote” this life. I want to do it again!  <- Real thought I had today – I promise!

Specific favorite moments:

  • The first time I went OOB (spontaneous) and the entire “teaching” experience that followed.
  • Learning how to control my astral body. I spun in circles  and sunk into the floor when I tried to walk.
  • Learning how to “see” while OOB and when I finally gained sight being blown away by the spectacular colors.
  • Feeling as if I became objects as I went through them while in astral.
  • Meeting my guide in astral for the first time.
  • Hugging/feeling/touching my guide.
  • The time I heard my guide speak to me in a foreign language – how it came in via my crown along with a golden light that swirled and moved and sounded high pitched like a chipmunk voice. hehe
  • Meeting my father and grandfather in astral and hugging/touching them.
  • Realizing I could communicate with Spirit and doing so as if I had always known how.
  • Helping all the people I have helped.
  • Remembering.
  • Feeling whole and expanded and so very alive.

There is so much more but you get the idea. All in all I am feeling so very grateful and pleased with how this life has worked out thus far. I can’t wait to see what else I have in store for me!

 

 

 

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Manifestations of the Shift: Update

I have had a strange feeling this entire week. I do not know how to describe it other than to say I feel like something is coming, like on the verge.

I wanted to update you all on what I have been experiencing energetically and physically.

  • Almost constant third-eye activity, sometime intense
  • Heart chakra activity brought on at will with just a thought or intention
  • Second chakra activity – warm, buzzing, pleasant feeling
  • Strong connection with guide/HS, constant
  • HS connection accompanied by intense third-eye/heart/second chakra buzzing and warm energy that spreads from heart outward (wonderful)
  • Communication from HS integrating with everyday thoughts, as if streaming in continually and bringing a strong knowing unlike before
  • Energetic healing on all levels occurring day and night
  • Alignment between heart and mind on-going
  • Faint/dizzy feeling coming on without notice; tends to accompany a semi-trance state that I go into without recognizing I am
  • Tendency to hold my breath when receiving communication from Team (could be bringing on dizzy spells).

Overall I feel like my day and nights are merging; as if I am now living in a state that once I only experienced at night. In other words, I feel to be in the in-between, or very close, all the time. This sometimes leaves me feeling unreal or dream-like, but even this feeling is diminishing.

The constancy of the energy in my third-eye and heart is becoming a new norm for me. I have never experienced such strong sensations in either chakra all day every day like this ever. It comes with a feeling that this is how it is suppose to be, how we humans are meant to feel – energetically connected all.the.time.

I won’t say it is a blissful feeling, but it a comforting one. A constant reminder that I am not this body but a spiritual being and that I am not alone. I am never alone but joined with a larger part of myself at all times. In this I feel more whole and accepting of things. I experience being both the Experiencer and the observer at the same time.

 

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The We in Me

Today while driving to visit with my mother something occurred that I did not expect.

It began as a feeling of release. I went from feeling heavy and blah to suddenly feeling as if this weight had been lifted. My heart began to feel full and open and I was feeling positive and exuberant about my future.

I sang loudly to my music, even turning it up a notch. As I sang, a conversation commenced between myself and my Team that became more and more obvious.

The messages came in so subtly that I am surprised I noticed them at all.  My focus was entirely on driving, singing and enjoying the beautiful blue skies and Texas Hill Country. The conversation was about my rigidity toward this life I am currently living; a life I agreed to live not only for myself but for my Group-Family-Team.

My attention was brought to my current state – the care-free, full-of-life feeling I had and was enjoying. This is why you came. To LIVE life. To Experience.

A feeling from within welled up and brought tears to my eyes. I Remembered that this was not just my life. This life I am living is a Team effort. I am not going it solo, even though that is how it feels.

This new perspective changed everything for me. The We in me suddenly made sense completely.

I was reminded that although it feels that I have been here so very long and have many more years yet remaining, that the time is only that of a blink of an eye. The longing I feel, the exhaustion, the intense desire to return to Home, pales in comparison to the end of this journey and the richness that comes with it.

And any time I feel homesick, anytime I feel “off”, all I have to do is go within and my Team will be there.

I knew all of this to be true. I felt a part of the We for the first time in this spiritual journey of mine. I connected with them/me/us.

The way this communication felt was so very different and yet so very familiar at the same time. It seemed to come from within me, from my very core – to rise up from my solar plexus and fill my heart with meaning that had no words yet my mind was able to make sense of it. And it felt immense. Definitely not a single entity but a sudden explosion of many. All within me. Inside me. Part of me.

I recognized in this short, 40 minute drive, that the direction of my spiritual journey shifted. I had finally reached point zero. Right at that moment I saw, finally, how this experience was designed to function. This is how we manifest as one in a physical body. The pilot and the co-pilots and crew. Yet only me – the “pilot”, one small fragment of the Whole, is all this body can sustain.

This process of ascension, of Shifting, for me at least, is not about “rising” up into my Higher Self, or even a descending of my HS into me, but functioning as a full unit – complete and functional within this physicality. I have been undoing all the interference this Earthly life put into that system, a system that when functioning properly provides everything an Experiencer such as myself needs to traverse the rough terrain of Earth.

 

 

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Message from Robert: Data Transfer and Current Task

Again I awoke at 5:30am to a message from my guide. This time it was not E’Fonin but Robert.

Data Transfer

I received yet again data in the form of very fast moving symbols. This time, they did not come from above but rather from the left and moved across very quickly to the right. It was like they were being streamed to me and they came in lines, not dissimilar to stanzas of music except that there were four lines instead of five. The stanzas were golden and shimmered. The symbols I could not isolate or differentiate but occasionally a word or two would appear above the lines of code as if to communicate the main topic being relayed.

As I received the information I understood what it was that I was being asked to do. The words I saw triggered this knowingness. I don’t remember them now, though. All I recall is that the task at hand had to do with detaching from anchor points that I had established in this life. These “anchor points” are what connects me to certain energies in this world. These energies can be people, places and things, but usually they are much more diverse than just a single space or person in a lifetime.

It was explained to me that the particular anchor points I need to detach from are connected to my mother and the home I lived in from 1986 to 1996. The home is not the original anchor point, my mother is, but since she resides there even now, the home has also been associated. This is why many of my OBEs originate in this location.

So I have work to do and this was acknowledged without hesitation. I do not consciously know of any specific issues I need to resolve with my mother and so questioned Robert on this. His response was to show me.

I saw in front of me a fabric satchel, brown in color. I picked it up and it was so heavy it pulled me down. I said, “It’s heavy!” and Robert said, “Yes”. I then understood that this satchel represented all the weight that was carried by me pertaining to my mother and the location where she currently lives.

It was explained that this weight “holds me down” energetically. It was understood that this weight is the weight of karma needing to be released. It was also understood that it was primarily her karma that needed releasing, not mine. Yet, I also had some to release but it was shown to me that it had to do with my deep connection to my mother, an empathic connection which caused me to shoulder my mother’s karmic debt. It is not easy to relate what I was told but in essence it means that I took on responsibility for her karma – to help her.

It was relayed to me that it is very important that I handle this soon, while she is still alive. I asked how, but was not told how. Instead I was told that it would be made known when the time was right. There was an understanding that some of it would be done in another dimension and/or during dream time.

Roles of the Various Guides/Assistants

I asked where E’Fonin was and I was told, “It is time to work in the physical now”. I had been told this before but this time its meaning clicked.

Robert and other guides/assistants like him come to work with Earth travelers like myself to help them with karmic debt and physical incarnation lessons/goals/purpose. Energetically, they are more suited to work with denser energies of this realm. When Robert told me, “It is time to work in the physical” he meant that it is time to resolve physical realm lessons and meet goals previously set to be accomplished via physical form.

E’Fonin and others like him are tasked with our spiritual evolution. They are primarily concerned with raising our vibration so that we can move on from our current, lower energetic state. It is like they are giving us an evolutionary nudge, or in this case “jump”. Therefore, E’Fonin and others like him come only when a spiritual adjustment is being made (chakras, energy attunement and balancing, multidimensional work, Higher Self infusion, etc).

My Current Physical World Task

I am told, “It is time to tie up loose ends so that you can move forward”. In this message I see an unburdening of the Self, kind of like throwing off of heavy clothing except that it it is the actual dissolution of denser energy patterns which we all carry with us. These energy patterns are intricately linked to various other energy patterns of those who we develop strong emotional bonds with over many lifetimes. Sometimes these bonds get so knotted together that we lose sight of our own energy patterns (lessons/karma) and get caught up in those of others. This results in us working to untangle our energy from theirs.

To most, this will seem to dissolve emotional bonds we have with those we love the most. Yet it is not a complete dissolution but rather a cleansing or freeing up of energy so that we can better assist them and ourselves. How can one move freely in life toward their set intentions if they are dragging along the energy of others?

If you can imagine having a large weight chained to your ankle and then multiple that by ten or twenty you would come close to the amount of dense energy we are caught up in. And what’s worse is that we desperately hold onto this “weight”, willing to drag it along with us, because we believe it IS us.

earthValidation

I am currently reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 2. As I read it, I am getting validation of visions and information I previously was given.

In Chapter 9, which I read last night, Ms. Cannon takes an individual to a past life in which they and their group were rescued from an Earth cataclysm by Beings from space. The individual relates how once on board the ship they could see what was happening to Earth. What she described was what I saw in a recent vision – a vision of Earth as a ball of fire and smoke, churning much like the surface of the sun.

When I read this I held my breath and started to cry. I knew that had I read this book last year that I would not have believed it. I would have thought it all fanciful ideas that had no relevancy to me or my life. Yet now, I read it and I understand. It is happening again and I am here to assist with the preparation.

I cried because I knew it was true but also because I know it will be much more than just Earth changes. There will be war and devastation. I cried because I love Earth and humanity and I do not want to lose hope that they can be saved. But I know this is to be. It is part of the Divine Plan.

As I have been reading more of the book, I am becoming more and more accepting of what I have been told. I was doubting it, but that doubt is erasing. There is something huge coming, something unlike anything humanity has ever experienced (this line of humanity anyway). My entire Being contracts in thinking about it. There is a deep, inner pain that comes with it and I do not like it nor do I want to acknowledge it. But the more I acknowledge it, the more I am freed from it and can get to work.

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Keeper of the Violet Flame

I had many visions this morning and also experienced a lucid transmission of healing and expansion. The memory of it is failing me at the moment for it seems that I am to forget most of it until it is appropriate to share it fully.

Keeper of the Violet Flame

I was awakened from a deep slumber at 12:30am. A bit disoriented, I had to tend to my youngest and then I was wide awake and full of thoughts about my work situation, one which I have covered in a previous post.

As I attempted to return to sleep, my attention was drawn toward a man in the left of my visual field. He was sitting on a bench as if waiting for me. I went to sit down next to him, and gave him a hug. I noticed I could see him quite clearly. He was wearing a long robe and held a wooden staff in his right hand. He also had a very long, gray beard that reached his waist. However, he did not appear to have any hair on the top of his head.

I looked at him and asked, “Who are you? Do I know you?” In response a memory came back to me from years ago. “Amoradon?” I asked. I felt confirmation. He said to me, “I go by many names”.

Then he said, “I am the Keeper of the Violet Flame“. I did not question him on this, but wondered why he would say it. I got no response.

He told me, “We will be working together”.

The conversation seemed to pause a while and my thoughts wandered. I was concerned about my work situation and I appealed to him for help in calming my thoughts. It was immediately that I felt to focus on my heart center and I was drawn to recall my dreams.

As I focused upon my dream, I realized I had been somewhere foreign – another planet in fact. I saw in front of me a vast, golden plain that spread so far that one could see the circular shape of the planet it occupied. In the center of this plain was a large, cream colored or gold building that resembled a flatter version of the Mayan pyramids.

I could not remember what was going on with me, but I knew that we had been discussing a great war and I was shown a map of this planet. An entire section was highlighted in red and it felt as if the people in this section had been infected with something, but it was not a disease. It was something that was akin to anger or aggression.

I recall laying down in a healing tank of some sort. Inside of it was water and it covered me completely except for my face. I recall there being lights but I don’t remember now what color they were.

In remembering this, my thoughts were interrupted by Amoradon. He said to me, “You will not have to leave them [my family] behind”. I was relieved to hear this.

He continued.

“We will Call you. You will go Home”.

And I asked, “And my family will come, too?”

He answered: “Yes”.

“How?” I asked.

“Mass consciousness [upload]”. The word “upload” was not the right word but there seemed not to be an appropriate substitution in our language. I saw in my mind a visual of consciousness rising upward, as if shifting into a higher vibration.

“Will everyone experience this?” I asked.

“No”, was his response.

As I thought about what had just been told to me, he interrupted my thoughts, “It is not what you think”.

I had been wondering if it meant I would leave my physical body and it would die. I felt this was not the case.

“You will always have access”, was his response to my thoughts. I knew this meant that whatever this mass consciousness “upload” was, it would allow me and others permanent access.

I felt I should relax and return to sleep. I asked to lucid dream since i knew astral projection was out of the question.

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Breaking Free and OBE

I spent much of the day yesterday going through my old journals and blog posts in order to identify how many lucid dreams and OBEs I’ve had over the years. I entered it into an OpenOffice spreadsheet while also reading through various entries.

Later that evening I went out with my husband and had a couple of glasses of wine. I regretted it almost instantly and even more so later in the night because I was unable to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned most of the night, my thoughts upon my journal entries and a strange, nagging feeling I could not decipher. Around 2am the source of the feeling revealed itself.

Cocoon

Firstly, I noticed how disconnected I was from what I had written over the years. All feeling was absent as was the memory of most of the experiences I described. It was as if someone else lived my life. Next, I was quite disturbed by just how little progress and change I have made since 2003. The cyclic patterns of my life just keep on going. Over and over and over. I seem never to learn and I forget so easily the lessons I do learn and then end up re-learning them later as if my mind was wiped clean of the lesson. I have the same complaints, the same high’s and low’s, the same fixations. Finally, there was a feeling that something about these patterns directly relate to my level of conscious awareness.

Somehow, for some reason, I have never really been connected to this life or this body. It has been a dream all along and so much resembles a dream upon analysis that I cannot avoid the reality of such a conclusion.

I wondered to myself, “Where have I been?”

I then recognized what the odd feeling was. I felt to be trapped inside a very small, confined space. I desperately wanted out. I needed to get out. It felt as if I could move somewhat; push out an arm here, a leg there. Yet no matter how hard I struggled there was something constraining me.

butterflyIt was then that I saw it: the cocoon. And a new feeling along with knowingness came over me suddenly. I was about to break free of it and what would emerge would be so very different from what went in.

For a moment I was worried. What will emerge? Will it be me? Or, like the butterfly, will I be totally different?

There was a mixture of both nervousness and elation at the thought. I felt my guide close and I knew he was reveling in what was transpiring. I sent forth a mental query and he responded with, “What do you feel?”

It’s All a Construct

That is when I knew. It is all a construct. All of it. Me. The Earth. The Universe.

But what does that mean? Why is it that I am only now recognizing this?

I have been asleep this whole time! I thought I was aware but my awareness is nothing compared to the awareness that I am, that is available and can be tapped into. What I have here, in this lifetime, is like a tiny pinprick of light in a universe of darkness.

I became temporarily overwhelmed. “It has all been a ruse”, I thought. “This life that I have been living, blindly wandering through, is a trap. Who created it? I don’t know, but I am not at all interested in continuing on this way”.

I knew to escape this trap I needed to break free of the mind. I knew I had been lost in it, consumed with it and its pictures and emotions. I focused on my heart the best I could. I had to live from the heart in order to break free of this cycle. It was the only way.

I also had to be in the body. I have not been in it. I have been away from it often. In and out. In and out. Like when we dream, the specifics are lost and only symbols remain; left to be decoded and interpreted.

I should be able to remember every minute, every second, of my life. It should be distinctly real. But what is real?

Lucid to OBE: Visiting Multidimensional Me’s

I fell into an odd slumber, though I am not even sure “slumber” is the right word. I was completely aware of what was going on and felt more to be in the in-between than anything. However, it was obvious that a “dream” was occurring and I was in the midst of it while also being outside of it.

I traveled to many places, places I had been before while OOB and in dreams. I recognized these places and identified them to my guide along the way. Upon recognizing the places, I also recognized myself in these places. A different Self in a different life. I saw several lives like this and saw similarities and differences. It was like I was seeing the hundred faces of Me.

In between visits I had conversations with my guide. The scenes would be there but I would be removed from them in a separate space with my guide. I said to myself and to him, “It’s like a carnival mirror” and in my mind an image was clear as day. There I was, standing and facing a mirror and looking at the reflections of hundreds of Me’s looking back at me.

The spokes of the turning wheel were all me, branching out in different directions. This was multidimensionality, all of it was Me.

Confused, I pulled out of the scene and instantly found myself OOB. I knew I was OOB but my vision was suddenly completely gone and, though I could sense my surroundings, I was fumbling around blindly, feeling very distraught about what had been revealed to me.

Who am I, then? What will happen next?

I called out to my guide while OOB. What does it mean? Where are you?

It was not long after that I willed myself back to my body. When I came back into it the energy was jagged, almost painful. My body felt alien and rigid. I wondered briefly if it was about to die. Was my rejection of the repetitions of life, of the trap of the body, causing the body to reject me?

My heart was doing odd flip-flops and I felt I might be sick. I rolled over and the energy settled and I felt better. I fell into a fitful sleep after, waking at 5:30am and not getting more than a few hours of rest. I knew, though, that I didn’t need it.

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Remember

I meditated twice yesterday. Once in the afternoon and once prior to bed last night. While doing so, my Companion was close and communicative, helping me focus in on my heart center.

During the afternoon meditation I had several conversations, but almost all were lost to me upon coming out of my reverie. The only thing I remember hearing is something about the “Christ consciousness” and how I was not accepting or absorbing it. After this meditation concluded, my heart space almost hurt it was pulling so strongly. I also felt energy movement in my second chakra.

The evening meditation was quite different. I recall hearing some very profound things from my Companion but the specific wording is lost to me now. One of the messages was that I needed to communicate my true Self to others. I got with this message a feeling of “lack of fulfillment” and lingering fear. The message was clear that if I did not open myself up to new experiences, take risks and explore the multitudinous opportunities provided by the physical universe, I would not expand beyond my current position.

During this in-between state my Companion began to ask me what I felt when I focused on my heart. I immediately stated, “I am a walk-in” and there was no doubt in my mind. I said it a few more times, feeling it out as if I needed convincing of my own Knowingness. Memories flooded my mind, memories of when the walk-in could have happened. I became confused in trying to locate when this event occurred and asked to be shown what I had obviously forgotten. My Companion told me more was coming and that it would be “intense”.

As I lay in meditation I became distracted by an intense itch inside my left ear. If you have ever had your ear itch then you know how impossible it is to scratch the inside of your ear! This itching came about as soon as I put in my earplugs, so those were out the entire night. Eventually the itch went away.

When I finally settled down to sleep and began to drift off, I heard my Companion say, “Remember”. This brought me to full awareness and I asked him, “Why did you say that?” He said, “Remember who you are”. I was covered in wonderful, calming energy when he said this, and soon after drifted off to sleep.

Energy Swap

I awoke feeling disoriented and worried. I had memory of something that I cannot describe with any precision. This “something” seemed to be in my past but also seemed to have just happened. It is hard to pinpoint when the event occurred as it seemed to be something from the past but also to be happening in the Now.

Upon waking my Companion was close and I was struggling to make sense of the event, going over the memory of it in my mind but unable to fully process it. I will try to describe what I remember happening the best I can, but it is hard.

What stands out to me the most of the energy contained in this experience. I felt to be split into various parts but aware of all of these parts. There also was another presence that was pure consciousness like me, but separate from me. This consciousness and I seemed to change places – each part of me changed places with corresponding parts of this other consciousness. The experience of it was a swirling of energy and a shifting up and down and back and forth. It was almost as if I were being shaken very vigorously. This is unlike the vibrations I have felt as this was pieces of me shifting very quickly, exchanging energy and then shooting back almost like the protons, neutrons and electrons of an atom. In fact, the atom is probably the perfect analogy here.

My disorientation here had me frantically looking for reference points to reestablish my link with reality. I searched my memory and found myself quickly, which was a relief. Yet I was still very worried about what had happened and trying to figure it all out so that it made sense to me.

Remember

I was quickly calmed by my Companion and when I asked him what was happening this is what he told me, “In the inside, there is chaos. We will fix this and we will thrive. Remember who you are”.

When I heard this I felt odd. Again I cannot describe it but I will say that I felt urged to write down his message, which I did immediately. I then wrote down what I knew to be a “trigger” word – “Remember”. Knowing this was a “trigger” did not help me as I wondered, “Trigger to what?” No answer came but memories of all the times I have heard my Companion say this words and phrases containing this word flooded my memory.

“Do you not remember me?”

“Remember who you are”.

“I am the part that Remembers. You are the part that Forgets”.

“Remember”

Overwhelmed, I began to try and focus on something else, anything else. My body was the most obvious place to focus and I instantly recognized a shooting pain in my left ear. Interestingly, I knew the pain in my ear was related. How? I don’t know.

I then began to rationalize the experience as just a part of the ear pain. Perhaps the disorienting feeling was an upsetting of my body’s equilibrium? This could explain the feeling.

“That’s all it is”, I told myself. And with that, I distanced myself from the experience and fell asleep.

This morning I feel normal, though I think I have an ear infection, and the memory of what happened last night seems a dream. Yet I know it was not, is not. There is more, so much more, that I will not write it here as it would make the post too long and it is already way too long.